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Corrupt a Wish

Granted, now ALL the planes are going to fly directly over your house one after another, including jets breaking the sound barrier with sonic booms.

I wish I was slightly faster than I am right now.
 
Granted, you are now only .0000001% faster than you were before. Slow down, zippy.

I wish I had something to eat for lunch.
 
Granted, but the first loophole you do find is actually a baby black hole and now you no longer exist, at least not in this universe.

I wish I was a Chippendale dancer.
 
I have hay fever...this could be lots of fun!

Granted, but you have cancer now and can only enjoy the rest of your short life.

I wish that I could find some historical treasure like Indiana Jones or Lara Croft.
 
Granted! But that's exactly what you find. A VHS copy of Indiana Jones and a PS1 Tomb Raider game. Treasures indeed!

I wish I could produce hits like Zedd.
 
Granted, but you become a skinless, chrome skeleton having horror show show like Lord Zedd.

I wish I could afford a hitman so I could hire someone to end my suffering.
 
Granted! However, that hitman that you hired? He only uses marshmallow bullets and he's actually such a nice person, you become the best of friends, which puts an end to your suffering!

I wish I could meet Henry Cavill.
 
Granted, but you do so by accidentally hitting him with your car.

I wish I hadn't gotten mixed up in that shady cult a few years back.
 
Granted! The shades have been removed! Oh. Wow. The members of your cult have really pretty eyes.

I wish I hadn't hit Superman.
 
Granted, but you swirv out of the way just in time to hit a speeding mac truck. You die instantly upon impact.

I wish I had Elon musk levels of fuck you money.
 
Granted, but now, every single time you use said money, the person you're giving it to is required to fuck you.

I wish I lived long enough to see everyday citizens in space.
 
Granted, but you are now immortal and the ravages of endless ages will erode any passion you have for everything until all you're left with is apathy and boredom.

I wish I could bang the wire twins from hellraiser.
 
Granted, but bang is all you do, literally, like a gong, not a good, rough fuck.

I wish I could get the image of the wire twins being banged out of my head.
 
Granted, but now they're with me, in your bed.

I wish I got bonus xp whenever I got horny so I'd level up faster.
 
Granted, but you just hit your XP limit, in just under a minute flat, and, well, you're also now so gifted and talented that you exist in another dimension, all by yourself, you horndog, you.

I wish I had a corndog.
 
Granted, but it's made with actual dog meat and is kinds cold at one end like it was cooked in a microwave.

I wish I had a big strong half orc gf.
 
Granted, but all of your drawings look exactly the same with happy little trees, in a happy field, by a happy river, with happy clouds, even when you're doing portraits.

I wish Bob Ross was still alive.
 
Granted, but because you refused to corrupt Bob Ross, you are now deemed the patron saint of every artist in the known world, both living and dead. Because of this, you can now hear their endless prayers to be better at their craft. Endless, I say. Oh, also, you now look like Bob Ross, but as a woman, and he's currently wearing the outfit in your avatar.

I wish I could stop playing this game.
 
Granted, but now you are so popular, people are sick of you. Ugh. Just go away already.

I wish I could speak fluent Italian.
 
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