Misguided Genius(lady/moon)

“And with loki not really cooking, you guys havent been eating together.Don’t think to hard about it. We know now. We’ll take care of it.”Tony said tilting his head a little at the apology, looking uncertain of what to do with it before skipping over it, grinning. “Yes, yes I am.I would have pushed him out of the tower if he was dating that waste of a genius, on principle of course. His robots insult me.”Tony sniffed.

“Yea.”Tony said frowning a little, looking vaguely worried with the idea of steve not being used to showers before laughing quietly.”You’re not going to get any arguments from me. Howard was indeed a dick.”Tony agreed before nodding at clint, getting off the stool he was sitting on,gripping steve’s arms as he led him to a chair and making him sit down. “..no.This isn’t just shock.Take it from a guy who’s done evreything under the sun to harm myself.”Tony muttered smiling quietly as he watched clint leave, settling onto the stool next to him, hovering protectively, anxiously, wanting to take care of him. “Well, uh...there’s uh...”Tony bit his lip, before swallowing, despite everything, he wanted to so much trust his team, and he could.He would...if they turned him in for what for some, would amount to treason against the state, well, then he’d know for sure.”I hacked shield again.There’s....I’ve known for awhile there’s elements of the WSC and shield that are...hydra...at least I think.They had him as their...”Tony paused trailing off not wanting to say what bucky had been doing, simply because it would hurt steve to hear it, and he never wanted to do that. “He was on ice. Cyrogenics. It’s why he looks as young as you do. They’ve been freezing him to keep him alive.”Tony said swallowing hard,”And despite having a human spaceheater with me, it takes time to wake someone up.”He babbled a bit, looking up as bruce walked in.

“Steve?What’s wrong?”Bruce said even as he started to examine the man, looking worried about him.
 
Clint shrugged. "i can make that Beefaroni stuff. you know, that comes in the box? it's disgusting, but MRI's are worse." he admitted with a snicker. "good! at least i'm not the only one then." he mused, smiling a little. "of course, i might just hit Loki anyway... he keeps giving me these looks. like he's going to climb into my bed at night and suffocate me with my own pillow." he admitted.

"...Tony. i grew up during the Great Depression. Showers where existent but they where... for rich people. i wasn't rich." he pointed out. "i took bathes...." there was a pause and then. "and i can't figure out how the drain works." Clint had to fight very hard not to laugh at poor Steve before amusement vanished completely as he watched Steve totally freak out. "i'm fine!" Steve protested, but didn't try to stop Clint. actually he seamed to have forgotten the man was even in the room. "...Tony?" Steve asked, looking confused. "Tony you're not supposed to Hack S..." he paused, his brain connecting to what Tony had finished saying and he stared at the man for a long moment before he stood, looking very, very shaken. "...they... Shield is... no. that can't... no..." he protested, shaking his head as he backed away from Tony, looking hurt, as if he was sure Tony was telling him lies... and frightened, as if he knew Tony wasn't lying at all. "i don't. you can't... i don't..." he stuttered. he couldn't understand. Shield was the government, Shield was something he had trusted... how could they be the enemy?! "Nothings wrong! Stay away from me!" Steve demanded, completely freaked out.
 
“I’m so glad I’m home. At least here I can make loki cook for me.I’ve survived on take out and Storm’s food.”Tony shuddered a little before making a face.”I’m fairly certain whatever type of murder loki was contemplating, it’s more dramatic and horrible then suffocation.”Tony supplied shrugging a little.

“I know, but it’s still weird.”Tony said sighing, looking amused before wincing. “Yea, well I do alot of things I’m not supposed to. Still do it.”tony said before swallowing hard, standing his ground, not letting the man move away to far, really, really worried for him. “I’m sure it’s not all shield. But like everything, there’s parts that are bad. But we know now steve, we’ll take care of things.”He said soothingly, before slanting a glance at bruce, “I know what this is, bruce back up.Go.You to clint.”he said looking shaken, recognizing the signs, because while he knew that this strong reaction could just be from the shock, he also knew drugs could do this. And wondering just how much a super soldier would have to use to have a effect, scared him. “Hey, okay I’ll stay over here okay?I’ll work on something, Capsicle, and you can just chill out and sit. Watch James or something. Moon over your best friend, I dunno, did anyone ever tell you about the theory they had about you two during the war?It was a doozy.”Tony rambled deflecting and really hoping that if he talked long enough the good captain would calm down. “They thought you were dating. I mean, I know that couldn’t be true. Cause you know, every history book had him as bad as I am with women, where you didn’t even know how to ‘fondue.’ Which was a adorable loved story of my childhood, by the way. I hope you know I’d never seen my dad laugh at something that hard before. Kinda made me want to meet you, just so I could punch you for being more loved then me. It was horrible and awesome all at once.”He rambled, come on, come on steve, calm.Tony silently begged.
 
Steve paused and then looked at Tony. "...can Johnny even cook?" he asked. "do we need to have to tested for those worms? i forget what they're called... you get them from eating undercooked food." he muttered before he grimaced. "...i think he's making me paranoid to death.." he muttered. "i don't know if that's possible... but it's Loki. nothing can be counted out." he admitted.

"...yeah well, when i was a kid Candy pars cost five cents." he admitted with a smile before he totally flipped his lid. Clint didn't even question it, he just backed up, and completely left the room to get Loki to come back and make some hot Coffee for Tony, Steve and Bruce. Cap stumbled backwards, hit the wall and curled up into the corner, staring at Tony and Bruce with wide, frightened eyes before he realized that they weren't going to come any closer. paranoid, wired, and all around hallucinating. "...they knew about that?" Steve asked suddenly. "Gargan must have told them." he muttered, calming down as he listened to Tony ramble. "Bucky slept with lots of women, and then he'd come home, and we'd repeat it. it was fun." he admitted with a smile, his eyes glossed over as he 'came down'. "Howard was an asshole. i hated him so much. i hated you too, 'cause you looked just like him, and acted just like him, only worse. you where just... everything that went wrong in my life and i hate it here so, so much..." Steve whispered, burying his face into his knees, starting to sob. "i hate it! i hate it here! nothing makes sense and people don't make sense and nothing i know is true and i can't even answer my fucking... thing!" he complained, hurling his now ringing cellphone at the wall, watching with vindicated glee as it shattered. "i hate it here, in this world, in this time where everything looks the fucking same but isn't!" he hissed, tears rolling down his face. "and i hate YOU for finding me and waking me up and bringing me into this god damn hell!" but even Tony could tell that the hopped up, and crashing hard Steve didn't really mean that.
 
“Yea he can.Sorta.He just burns the meat until it’s nearly overcooked.”Tony snickered at that before smirking.”I’m fairly certain that’s the idea. I’d count him actually killing you out, seeing as he hasn’t actually done it yet, and because I told him not to.”Tony shrugged a little.

“Go.”Tony muttered turning his head to watch bruce leave before focusing on steve again, settling on his stool, his heels hooked in the rungs but not getting closer. “Yea. Though it amused me that half the history books were debating on whether you were gay or not, considering you always made sure he was stationed with you. It amused me.”Tony smiled a little studying the other, “So you joined him in the slutting around, Cap?I mean, I feel like there’s a double standard going on here. I mean, you already had one sexy brunette fucking around, I feel cheated.”Tony pouted a little because it was true, if you took things at face value, tony and bucky were alot alike, more then tony and howard really. Watching the man start to come down he went tense at the words, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry, Cap.I didn’t...I didn’t realize I was acting like him. I mean, I always tried not to, really. He sort of was horrible to me.”he said, sulking a little.”heyyy. That’s depressing. Taking out emotions on tech is just depressing.”He whined a little, because well,even if it was a shitty shield isse phone, he couldn’t stand the abuse of tech. Even if he didn’t mean it the harsh words made tony flinch, because he knew when he was sober, steve really did hate him. But, he was used to people hating him. Getting up he hesitated before moving over, sitting down next to him. “Sorry about that. But someone was going to find him”he nodded towards bucky. “Eventually. Who better than you to help me unfreeze him, cap?He’ll need you. Can you help me with that?”Tony said his voice soft and soothing, just wanting the man to calm, and really worried about how hard he was crashing.
 
Clint shuddered. "gross." he admitted before sulking at Tony. "i don't understand why Loki, King od 'i do what i want' listens to you." he admitted, looking mildly impressed. "i tried to tell Loki to make me food in the same way you did, and i think i might have been stabbed a few times..." he admitted. because he had been stabbed, with a fork, true, but it had still hurt.

"....well. i am. took me a while before i realized it was Okay here. that was a shock, walking down the street and seeing two guys holding hands and kissing. it was amazing. and no one cared. well some did, but no one said anything." he admitted. "besides, Bucky couldn't take care of himself, i had to protect him. he was a slut, but he was MY slut. so long as he didn't fuck other men, i didn't care, because he learned the most amazing things." he breathed. "but we broke up. see? just a day before he fell we broke up because we didn't Love each other and Bucky wanted to propose to the girl he was seeing. so he wasn't paying proper attention cus he thought he had hurt me, and that's why he died." Steve muttered, just rambling because he needed to let it out. and he knew Toy wouldn't tell anyone else. "i HATE tech." Steve snarled before pausing. "except for those electric shavers. i like those..." he muttered as he huddled tighter into himself and pulling away, frightened out of his skull when Tony came closer, certain Tony was going to attack, was going to pin him down, hurt him, make him sober up. but he didn't want to be sober... he relaxed a little as Tony just settled next to him. "...i can't help him. how could i help him? i can't even take care of myself. i killed him Tony. he won't want me." he whispered, trembling as he tightened up into as small as a ball as he could get. "they're coming through the walls..." he whispered. "Hydra's crawling through the walls and we're all going to die..." lovely. the hallucinations had started.
 
“Because we both have shitty fathers and even worse ‘brothers’.”Tony snickered because it was sorta true. Tony had had howard comparing him to steve, and loki had always fallen short of whatever standard thor had set. He knew there was other reasons, but they had bonded, and well. “try asking next time.”He said shrugging a little

Tony turned staring at the man, actually surprised. “What?Really?”He sputtered, of everything his father had ever told him, how was it THAT never came up. That would have been awesome to know...though considering what his father had thought of his bisexual son, he guessed it was no surprise howard had never mentioned it. Smiling a little,”He was lucky to have you looking after him.”Tony smiled sadly before looking startled, amazed that they had broken up, before sighing. “You can’t blame yourself for that. He loved you, maybe not like a lover, but he did love you.He would have protected you no matter what.”Tony said because like bucky, tony would give everything to protect steve, or his team. But mostly...steve. And that was a realization the billionaire shoved into the dark corner of his mind that every fantasy he’d ever had about steve was shoved, the lifelong crush hidden and shoved aside, in face of steve’s hatred and his utter lack of social skills. He knew just how horrible he was with other people. “Well, considering you had to use a straight razor before, it’s a good thing you like the new razors.”he snickered quietly smiling as steve relaxed. “Well, I’ll take care of you both then.And ask for help Steve, you’re part of a team. You can ask for help.”Tony said the quiet longing in the words, the vulnerability because he was well aware he wasn’t included in the team, but it didn’t stop him from needing to look after them. “If James Barnes is anything like Dad told me he was, he will always, ALWAYS, want you.”Tony muttered wincing quietly at the sight of that tall frame curled up, shifting slightly, hesitating,before gently touching blond hair, sliding his fingers through it even as he fiddled with his bracelet, summoning his gauntlets, settling one on his own hand, before gently putting the other on steve. “can’t summon your shield, but here, you can use one of these to hold them off.”He said, trusting the other to not turn on him with his own weapon.”J?Tell the others to stay out of here.”Tony muttered to the AI knowing they’d be alone until he told them it was okay."I'm here. I'm not going anywhere steve, and we'll keep hydra away."
 
"...i did ask." he grumbled. "he just hates us..." he grimaced. "then again, i understand that now." he admitted.

Steve nodded. "we kept it a secrete of course. some of the Commando's knew... they walked in on us once. but no one else knew. Peggy knew, and Jaq knew. and Jim too, but no one else did." he admitted, licking his lips. "Howard didn't know, and the other Commandos didn't know because we didn't want to get our asses kicked." he admitted with a nod. "i was the lucky one." he admitted with a sigh and he shake of his head. "my fault. it was my fault." he muttered as he shuddered. "the straight Razor gets a better shave." he mumbled. "but you can't buy them anymore. so Clint got me an electric razor. which is nice, it doesn't cut you no matter how you turn it." he mumbled, shaking his head. "you don't like me. you hate me..." he muttered. "i can't ask for Help. i'm the Leader, i'm the Cap. i have to make the calls... have to protect the team. hae to make sure everything is right. have to make them good...." he muttered as he shook his head. "Bucky don't want me. Howard don't want me. Tony don't want me.." he didn't react at all to the touch on his hair, though that was much better than the total freak out about being touched he might have had earlier. "i don't want your tech." he complained even as he let Tony slide it onto his hand. "i don't even know how to use it." he muttered, sounding dreamy now. "yeah... we'll keep Hydra away, gotta protect Bucky, gotta protect Tony.." he muttered, his eyes tracking things that weren't there, though he made no motion to attack them, which showed how used to the hallucinations Steve really was.
 
“Poor cap. I bet you nearly died of embarassment.”Tony teased a little before sighing quietly, “I’d tell you know it wasn’t,but I’m sure Barnes’ll be able to convicne you of that better. I can’t beat you up. You’re to tall.”He teased a little before smirking, “I’m rich Stevie, I can get anything I want. I’ll see what I can do.”he said the man already turning over ideas for a razor in his head, cause well, he was tony stark, and totally incapable of turning off his mind. “...Cap, you don’t like me. I’ve tried for months to be part of the team, but you all made it obvious you didn’t want me. It was easier to pretend to not care, then to deal with it.”Tony muttered because no matter how much he’d tried, he’d been completely incapable of letting his team touch his heart, and each time they’d turned him away, it had broken him just a little more. But he was focusing on cap, and not his brokeness. “You can’t protect us Cap, if you’re to messed up to do so. You need help, well, I give amazing help....”He sighed softly looking bemused and utterly confused to be included on the list of howard and bucky, and not sure what to say to it. Relaxing as he gently stroked the other’s hair he snickered, “I know, but I’ll teach you.”He said simply talking and showing him even if he sounded dreamy, relaxing. “You’ll protect us just fine.”Tony muttered as he rambled on about his newest projects, and everything he’d done on vacation, eventually coaxing steve to lay down head resting in his lap, as the billionaire laid propped back against the wall, sound asleep as he waited for steve to come down. Despite everything, it was obvious he trusted steve to not hurt him.
 
Steve paused and then. "well. after the orgasm yeah i was pretty embarrassed." he admitted. "...i'm kinda a slut." he admitted. "only it's gotta be with the right person you know?" he muttered, biting his lip a little. "Clint said you could buy straight Razors in Online... but i don't know where that is. i searched all of New York and people just laughed at me when i asked them if they knew how to get there... i really hate modern people you know." he grumbled. "i don't like you because you pick on me." he muttered. "you don't like me so i don't like you... you act like evil people." he muttered. "Evil people who hit people like me cus they can." ah, Tony did sometimes come across as a bit of a Bully. he'd never actually pick on anyone of course, being that he'd been bullied as a kid, but Steve was hyper sensitive to things like that. "i can. i have to protect..., can't stop. need it." he mumbled. "you won't help. can't help. i'm too ugly..." he muttered as he blinked at the hallucinations even as he watched Tony show him how to work the repulsor. it was shockingly simple, and he realized it probobly had to be, since everything else int he suit was so complicated Tony needed to be able to attack or defend in a single motion. he wasn't sure when he'd ended up, laying there with his head on Tony's lap, listening to him chatter about nothing. as Tony fell asleep, so did he. he hadn't slept in days, weeks even, and submitting to the darkness felt so, so good. he woke up to the sound of Loki whispering to Tony and the smell of food and coffee in his nose. he was aching all over, his head was throbbing, he felt so depressed he wanted to curl of and sob, drown himself, leap off the tower, or go get high again. somehow, he had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to get high anymore. that had been his worst crash yet... he was sure it was because someone had been there to see it, and because of the stunned shock of, well, everything.
 
“...You have just added fuel to years worth of repressed wet dreams, capsicle.”Tony muttered because he was fairly certain steve wouldn’t remember this, and the idea that his oh so prudish captain was a slut, amused him. Wincing at steve’s words he swallowed, hating that he’d been so oblivious that he hadn’t even realized steve had been having this much trouble.”I’ll help you find one okay, when you’re sober.”Tony said before frowning. “...I like you just fine...it seems we’ve been having a problem communicating. You made me feel bad, so I picked on you.I’m sorry.”Tony said hating himself a little bit for bullying him, even if it hadn’t been bullying, tony thought it was. He was perfectly aware of how much of a jackass he could be. And despite everything, and no matter what anyone said, tony would always blame himself for any misunderstanding. “...I’ll always help, steve.”he muttered smiling quietly as he chattered and drifted off to sleep.

Tony stirred a little, whining quietly, one hand buried in steve’s hair still, the other absently raised as if ready to attack loki,but even half asleep the man knew loki wasn’t a threat to himself or steve, so he hadn’t hurt him. Blinking stupidly at the other as he turned his head, sighing quietly. “Hey loki.”He muttered, not realizing steve was awake, even as he played with the blond’s hair, smiling quietly at loki. He’d snap out of the dorkishly adorable petting he was doing once he realized steve was awake, but for the moment, he was giving into the need to take care of him. “...He thinks I don’t like him, Reindeer. I-I didn’t mean to give that impression. They don’t like me.So I shut them out. I mean, that’s why I have a lab.They can be here without having to see me.”Tony said sounding sleepily anxious as he sipped his coffee, sleepy enough that he was willing to let down his guard enough to ask for help in correcting his mistake.
 
Steve smiled a little. "yeah." he breathed, agreeing with Tony because he wasn't entirely sure what the other meant. "yeah okay." he whispered. "yeah... good razor." he mumbled. "lots of communication... too much communication. no one talks with words no more. it's all Evemils and Taxts and weird things i don't understand." he muttered as he closed his eyes. "pick on you too..." he mumbled as he drifted off.

Loki smiled as he settled down next to Tony. "hey. i thought you'd need some food." he whispered, being careful not to wake Cap, the man seriously enjoying the hand stroking through his hair. contact was so rare for him these days. he missed being held, being touched, being loved. he missed Bucky, even knowing he'd never have sex with his freind again, they had always been intimate. "i know Tony. Steve didn't like you at first because he thought you where just like your father. and then he didn't like you because he was sure he was right... i was listening." he admitted with a sheepish smile. "sorry but i was worried." he admitted as he kissed the others forehead. "i have a clone searching Cap's room... we found a lot of needles." he admitted with a grimace. "and some vials full of some weird white powder." Loki explained softly. "Bruce is examining the Powder right now but i think he already knows what it is." Loki admitted. "i can't beleive i didn't notice." Loki muttered, sounding very upset. "i don't like him much, but he's one of yours. one of ours. i should have been watching him more closely... i don't even know how to help him now. Asgardian's don't really have drugs. we have Tobacco, sort of. it's similar. we have alcohol too. but nothing like this."
 
“Food sounds amazing.”Tony smiled a little as he ate one handed, the plate balanced on one knee as he ate. “Well, I’m not!I’m not.”Tony sputtered sounding annoyed at even being compared to howard, even if he was well aware he shared more in common with his bullying, annoying alcoholic father then he wanted to. Making a face at steve he sighed quietly. “It’s okay.”he sulked a little before flinching, swallowing hard as he looked down at the man in his lap.”Probably Heroin or cocaine. They cause delusions the most.”he muttered frowning, looking annoyed and upset that he hadn’t noticed, shuddering a little as he considered just how much he had to be using to effect himself for longer then just a few minutes considering his metabolism. “Hey, if anyone should have noticed, I should have. I mean, I used to use, if anyone would recognize the signs...but I didn’t, so we’re just going to have to clean up.”he swallowed the guilt thick in his voice, because he was so, so scared he was teh one who had driven steve to this, and the guilt was eating him alive. “He’s going to crash. hard.I think...beyond the shock of finding out about bucky, he’s probably gotten steadily worse because his body was adjusting to the drugs, the serum adjusting for it....we’re lucky he just managed to not accidenttly kill himself.”Tony shuddered looking down at steve, smiling softly as he gently stroked his hair, enjoying the moment while it lasted.
 
Loki smiled a little. "will Steve be hungry when he wakes up?" no, but it was nice that Loki had made food. "i know your not, but the masks you wear sometimes make you look like you are." Loki admitted with a smile. "Howard would never have sat all night wit a man who he thought hated him, helping him come down from a... uh..." he paused. "crash? that's what it's called right?" he asked before hesitating and then. "i don't think he's been eating or sleeping, so that limits what it could be right?" he asked, biting his lip as he studied the 'sleeping' captain, who was simply luxuriating in the physical contact and was hardly following along with the conversation. "Tony, just because you used once, a long time ago, doesn't mean you should recognize the signs in someone else. Steve held himself together shockingly well." he admitted. "...being that he had the Serum, perhaps the chance of overdosing was also minimized?" he wondered. "there was a lot of Powder Tony... a lot..." he admitted, sounding even more worried. Steve felt a flash of rage as he realized one of his stashes had been found and taken away. but he had others. "Tony..." Steve mumbled, nuzzling the Thigh he was laying on. wanting them to stop talking so he could go back to sleep and stop his pounding, aching head. "shhh." Steve ordered after he realized he'd gotten lost in his head. "head goes thump." he muttered. "no talking..." he muttered, sinking back down, whining as he realized Tony wasn't petting him anymore, huffing as he shuffled until his face was pressed right into Tony's hip, sighing now that he was more comfortable he let himself drift once more. "...is that normal?" not really, but it was Steve, nothing worked the way it was supposed to work.
 
“No, usually when you crash, you aren’t.if anything,he’s going to feel sick.”Tony muttered before sighing, wincing at that.”I know.”he sighed quietly before smiling slightly, looking down at steve.”Not even for Cap, would howard have done this.”tony muttered sounding vaguely amused before nodding.”It is....and yes. It limits it even more.”Tony muttered before flinching, “He did.”He said because despite loki’s reassurance, it still upset him he hadn’t noticed before nodding.”Probably.Serum’s probably only reason he didn’t kill himself by now.”Tony muttered looking up at loki, and while his fingers were gentle in steve’s hair, there was true, deep fear of losing someone he cared about. More then anything, losing people scared him. Tensing as he was nuzzled he hurried dropped his hand, watching steve for a long moment before swallowing hard. “Okay, okay.no talking.”he promised quietly, eyes widening as the man shuffled around to get comfortable, looking up at loki with wide eyes. “No...”he swallowed hard, before looking at the man laying on him, before making the decision.”Help me get him to the bed next door.he might as well be comfortable if he’s going to cuddle me.”he muttered as between him and loki they got the super soldier up into the bed and let him go back to cuddling against tony, the billionaire willing to be cuddled as long as steve wanted to, but equally not wanting to leave bucky alone. So he took the lesser of two evils, and settled into the hospital bed in the room next door, which wasn’t really big enough for both him and steve, but it was okay. Settling with his book to read as he let steve cuddle him,absently stroking the blond’s hair as he realized the man was drifting again. Willing to touch as long as the man wasn’t awake enough to make fun of him for it, self conscious enough to not be willing to show affection easily to anyone but johnny and loki.
 
Loki nodded. "i'll make soup for lunch. he probobly hasn't eaten in several days, food might make him sick if it's too heavy." he admitted, shaking his head a little. "Howard was an asshole, i think he had a mental problem." Loki admitted. "i could always go find out." he admitted with a shrug before grimacing as he watched Steve shuffle about to get comfortable, smiling a little. "Johnny's going to be annoyed." he teased, because they both knew Johnny would love that Tony might have a chance to make it with Captain America. Johnny wasn't stupid, no matter what people thought about him. the fire starter knew Tony had the hots for the good captain. "alright." he agreed as he helped Tony get Captain America up the hall and into a bed, the doped man whimpering and grumbling and protesting at every movement. "you know, he's kind of cute like this." Loki admitted, shaking his head. "i'll keep an eye on James." he promised.

a few hours later, Steve was up in a flash. but he was still crashing, and crashing hard and he snarled, leaping to his feet and swinging at Emtpy Air. "Filthy Hydra Scum! Face me like a Man!" Steve raged, trying to attach someone who wasn't there before he whirled to face what had been at his back. "...Bucky?" he asked, looking confused, taling a few steps back. "no... it wasn't my fault!" he protested. "it wasn't! i didn't mean to! i'm sorry!!!" he protested before turning to face someone new, his eyes and voice as cold as ice. "Howard." he growled, his eyes narrowed. "you're a fucking prick. you're son is twenty times the man you ever where." he declaired before he paused, his eyes flicking around the room, as if trying to find something or someone. when his eyes brushed right past Tony it was clear he wasn't seeing the other, wasn't seeing anything that was real. Steve paused for a long moment, eyes flicking from hallucination to hallucination before he smiled, a dark, sadistic smile. "you're not real. and i'm going to kill you." he informed his hallucinations. "and i'm going to enjoy killing you most of all Stark." he hissed at the corner where he had yelled at Howard before he spun on his heal and stalked confidently out of the room to his own room where he headed straight for a dresser where he pulled out a box, blinking when he realized his Stash was gone. he shrugged it off and turned to the Vent and pulled down a second box from there, blinking as he realized that was empty too. now he looked a little annoyed as he went into the bathroom, inside of the back of the toilet to find the waterproof container was gone. then he lost it. he completely destroyed his room again, looking for anything that might chase away the hallucinations and give him the fix he NEEDED. but Loki and Clint had done their jobs. looked everywhere, even inside the bed, and taken everything, leaving Steve in a towering rage.
 
“Probably not.”Tony muttered before laughing quietly at loki’s words, though not denying it. He’d long considered his father having a issue. Before frowning, looking bemused and confused at tony’s words.”Why?There’s nothing going on here. He’d cuddle Clint if he was around, and probably be happier with it.”Tony muttered, completely, completely in denial. He was so not admitting,ever, that he wanted a chance to be with steve. Not only because his father convinced him he wasn’t worthy of even being his friend, but because steve himself had ruined tony’s confidence in simply being his friend, much less more. “..He is sorta.”Tony agreed looking amused as steve settled in to rest.

Tony yelped as the other leaped up, nearly going crashing off the floor himself, scrambling to face the other, watching steve and not sure how to get through to him, but knowing better then to try and break it when he heard steve snarl at howard. He knew just how much he looked like howard, he wasn’t going to risk breaking the hallucination just to have the man beat on him. Looking a little disturbed that even if he didn’t want steve to really see him, that he was being this weird and dark on the crash. Glad that he knew loki and clint had gotten all the drugs, giving him just a few moments to run down to his own room to change clothes into something that could never be mistaken for howard stark no matter how drugged you were, the snug leather pants and wife beater, with the shining blue light of the arc reactor shining through. Oh no, if steve recognized him, he’d realize it was tony, not howard. And while he had no intention of ever trusting steve with his emotional well being-after all, he knew just how fucking stupid he was with people, so why would the best of people want to take care of him?-but he did trust steve enough to go in unarmed, relying on what loki had taught him to protect himself if steve snapped. “You want to hear my theory on all this?I bet you’ve been taking more and more right?”Tony said starting to ramble as he stepped into the room, having every intention of snapping the hallucinations as hard as he could, forcing steve to see him.”The serum’s been letting your body adjust to it. So the drug’s not been having the same effect each time you use it. You’re crashing this hard because while you feel horrible, a normal person would be in a coma. But the serum’s processing the drug to fast to do that, so you’re crashing still.Steve?Captain?”Tony paused looking at the man, wondering if he’d gotten through, tense and waiting, wondering if he was going to get attacked.
 
Loki smiled at Tony a little. "no he wouldn't and you know it. Steve hates being touched. he explained it to me that because of the Serum he's always hyper sensitive to nearly everything. i imagine it might have been the drugs though." he admitted as he smiled a little. "he trusts you."

Steve snarled and growled and hissed as he tore through his room, searching everything. he even tore his bed to tiny pieces, leaving springs, stuffing, and strips of fabric all over everything. he spun, his eyes alight with rage as he settled eyes on Tony, baring his Teeth. "Howard." he snarled that word, as if it was the most disgusting, loathsome thing Steve had ever come across, he took two steps closer before he faltered, hesitating as Tony's words permeated his brain. Howard had never spoken like that. was he hallucinating still? no this person was real, there where no blurred edges giving away illusion from reality, this person was real and for a moment Steve was entirely confused by Howard's face with a strangers voice and then his eyes landed on the glowing circle and Steve snapped back into reality. "Tony?" he asked, confused as he looked around, blinking. "...there was a mouse..." he paused, he'd already used that excuse. and then he realized what else Tony had said and he moved over to the other, fisting Tony's shirt. "Tony. give it back. i need it. i need it back!" Steve ordered, eyes wild, panicked, frightened, angry. "give it back... give it back to me. don't take it from me, it's all i have." Tears where forming in Steve's eyes but he didn't seam to be aware of them. despite gripping Tony's shirt so tight it was tearing in places, Steve was being astonishingly gentle. Tony wasn't even aching, he wouldn't cuts, bruises or scraps, he wasn't hurting Tony at all. "Please, Tony you have to let me have it. Please.. Please don't make me face the darkness and the memories." Steve pleaded, his legs giving out, sending Steve to the floor. "please. i need them Tony. give them back Please!"
 
“....Shut up, Loki. I do not have a thing for the captain.”Tony growled sounding annoyed and grouchy, and in extreme self denial.”probably. Paired with his normal senses, the drugs probably made it worse.”Tony twitched a little, he so, so wanted to run away. But despite his own discomfort, he couldn’t help himself from playing with steve’s hair as he worked.

Tony tensed at steve’s snarl, twitching a little, resisting the urge to snap out at him, because he’d spent so long making sure he could never be compared to howard, but he knew he looked like his father. Ducking his head a little he nodded,”Yea, Cap-it’s me. The genius billionaire playboy philanthropist.”Tony said with a slight quirk to his lips that said he was making fun of himself, before shrugging. “No there wasn’t,but if you want, we can go with that.”he said barely resisting the urge to jerk back as the other grabbed him, looking up at the taller man, dark eyes pained and hurting. “I know, steve, I know it feels like you need it.”he said taking a shaky breath as he realized that despite steve ruining his shirt, was wasn’t in any pain, simply trapped close to the other, “But no. I can’t steve. You’re going to get yourself killed if you simply keep upping your dose as it quits being useful. Believe me, I know. I nearly killed myself before I stopped.”Tony swallowing yelping as the other collapsed, scrambling after him, hands going to his head, making sure he didn’t clock himself off the hard floor, crouching down, looking anxious and worried as he knelt beside him, knowing he was going to do what amounted to emotional blackmail, but if it got steve through the first stages of withdrawal, he was going to do exactly what Pepper had done to him, and bitched and demanded and shoved him around until he gave in, and started recovering. “If you keep it up, you’re going to get one of your team killed. Please, let me help you.”Tony said his eyes anxious and filled with quiet desperation.
 
Steve frowned, confused by Tony's playful mockery of himself, as if not sure that Tony was speaking English. "no. Tony. i need it." he pleaded. "Please. Please Tony i'll do anything. please." Steve whispered, trembling. "God. please. Tony i need it." he pleaded. "i can't die anyway. i tried, but it didn't work." he admitted, not realizing that he shouldn't have admitted that. "i can't die and the drugs make it better, Tony PLEASE" he whispered, shaking his head. "you don't understand, you don't understand i NEED it Tony!" he whispered before shuddering as he lay on the floor in the middle of his mess, sobbing unhappily. because the line about his team had worked, he gave it up, he wouldn't do anything to put risk to his team. he muttered about how it hurt, how he hated Tony, how he loved Tony, how he wanted to die, how he didn't mean that, how he hated and loved technology and muttered about the bugs crawling across the floor that weren't there. Bruce had an answer for all of that of course. the Crash was going to last a good three or four times longer because the Serum was clinging to the withdrawal. the Serum had gotten used to, and equally as addicted to the Cocaine that he had properly disposed of.

it took three days for the Crash to end. Steve cycled between emotions. manic depression, in which Hulk had actually had to catch Steve after he took a header right off the tower chasing after a hallucination of Bucky falling out of the train, only Steve was quite insistent he had to follow. Total Rage, Clint bore the brunt of that pain when he came across Steve trying to Kill Howard Stark and Steve had mistaken Clint for him. fortunately, Loki and Natasha had managed to get Steve off before Clint actually hurt him. Steve had a few moments of Lucidity in which he apologized, relentlessly, to everyone, for everything. mostly he apologized to Tony, even when he wasn't there. he argued that he wasn't sick, he begged for his drugs, he screamed, he sobbed, he offered anything he could think of from his motorcycle, to his entire bank account, to sex if only they would 'just let him have a little'. all the while, he refused to eat, but would drink a few sips of water or juice if it was Tony or Natasha who gave it to him. Steve was one hundred percent certain that Loki and Clint where trying to kill him, and he seamed completely unable to tell if Bruce was real or not. at the middle of the third day, Steve blinked sluggishly at the ceiling. he had been strapped to the bed after the second time he'd tried to attack someone and then go leap off the top of the tower. Bruce had hooked him up to an IV to keep him from suffering from dehydration or starvation. "..T..Tony?" Steve managed to choke out, looking around. feeling fuzzy and confused and a bit frightened. had he been kidnapped?
 
“no, I know it feels like it, but no.”Tony said before his head snapped up, eyes wide as he considered his captain had tried to commit suicide before resting his hands on the other’s shoulders.”I know, I know how you feel Steve.”He muttered sighing quietly as he settled in to taking care of steve.

By the end of the crash tony looked worse then before he’d gone on vacation. The man having been constantly at steve’s side, having only briefly let to shower and to get food, and get a few hours sleep when he was forced to. Mostly, he slept in a chair at steve’s side, curled up awkwardly, standing watch because even if he was in deep self denial in wanting steve, he also couldn’t allow the others to take care of steve, not when he thought he could do better. He was so going to need Johnny after all this, just to force his head to shut up for a few hours, he’d use sex to escape for a few hours, after he was sure steve was okay. Glad that in the whole time, James Barnes hadn’t woken up yet, though he knew it was wrong, he also was glad that they weren’t also dealing with another super soldier. “C-cap?”Tony bolted up from the chair he’d been curled up reading in, after the total rage episode, everyone had refused to allow the most human of them to curl up in bed with steve, so tony was sitting as close to steve as the other’s would allow. “Hey Steve, yea it’s me. You back among the sane and living?”Tony said hustling to the edge of the bed, looking down at him anxiously.

Meanwhile James Barnes blinked slowly, staring at the cieling, shuddering a little. This...this didn’t feel right. It was to warm....to nice. And staring at the bright ceiling the dark haired super soldier cringed as the florescent light made his eyes sting and ache. Cracking his eyes a little as he slowly let his eyes trail around the room, he tried to figure out where he was.
 
Johnny had visited everyday, but he never stepped into Cap's room because the one time Steve had seen him. he had screamed for hours about how 'they' couldn't replace him. who they where, no one knew because he begged various Avengers not to let 'them' replace him, so it wasn't the Avengers he was worried about at least. "...Tony? why am i tied up?" Steve asked sluggishly, tugging at his wirsts. had he been healthy, he would have snapped the thick iron chains like dry twigs. but he was too weak to break them now. "i feel horrible." he muttered before he paused, swallowing thickly as shame writ across his face. "oh... right..." he muttered, remembering some of the last three days and the sudden discovery that they had found his stashes. they knew he was fucked up now. they where never going to trust him again. "...i tried to hurt you..." he had, twice. for some reason he had been convinced Tony was keeping the Drugs to himself because Tony wanted to keep them and not share. Steve had tried to beat Tony up so he could find the drugs. Tony had him on his back both times thanks to the hand to hand training Loki had been giving him. "i'm such a fuckup... i shouldn't even be here. i'm not fit to be an Avenger...."

there was a movement to Bucky's left and Loki carefully dimmed the lights. enough that they wouldn't hurt, but not enough tp hinder Bucky's vision. "good morning Sleeping beauty." Loki chirped as he settled next to Bucky, helping the man sit up and drink some hot chocolate. "how are you feeling? any aches or pains? you've been asleep for quite some time." Loki admitted, looking a bit worried. "you'll be a bit weak for a while so try not to push yourself too hard."
 
Tony winced a little, his heart aching to see Steve tied up. Because he knew they would have been easily broken if he had been healthy to do it. Hating himself a little bit for not noticing this, and going away and leaving steve to the others, even if he knew it was no one’s fault that they hadn’t noticed, steve had done well hiding this. “Cause I’m a kinky bastard who’s enjoying you tied up.”Tony said deflected, and teasing, keeping his voice light and amused, though the man was hiding what he was really feeling. Now that it seemed steve was back to himself and not crashing anymore, the billionaire was slipping back into his avoidance and need to just make steve comfortable, which to him, meant not forcing his company on the other. Snorting a little he sighed.”You did. But you’re not the first, or the last to want to.”Tony shrugged a little, brushing off the attacks because to him, they’d simply meant that steve was starting to get better, because his body was starting to adjust to not being on the drugs. Eyes widening a little as he considered steve, he snorted. “Rogers, if being on drugs and a fuckup was grounds to not to be a avenger, I’m not fit to be one either.Though I am a recovering addict, there’s always a chance I’ll start again.”he shrugged a little, running his fingers through his hair, biting his lip.”I better go get bruce, you need checked out, and could probably use some better company then me. I haven’t slept in hours, I’m liable to talk you to death....”Tony rambled, looking around the room, anywhere but the man in the bed as he texted bruce to get him up here.

Bucky tensed at the movement, a soft sigh of relief escaping as the lights dimmed, turning his head slightly to look at him, letting loki help him sit up, “I’m...fine. Confused.”he said.”I’ve never woken up this gently, or nicely. Who are you, and what do you want?”bucky said though he did sip the hot chocolate, humming quietly in pleasure at the taste, glad for the warmth. Even if he didn’t trust the man giving it to him, he figured if he was awake, it meant they wanted something from him, which meant that anything he ate was going to be okay until they had what they wanted.
 
Steve swallowed thickly. "yeah... Kinky..." he muttered. "...Jarvis helped me research." he admitted. "i'm sorry i attacked Johnny." he mumbled. "it was wrong of me... i didn't... you know. i didn't know people... that it was..." he shook his head. "my heads fuzzy." he admitted. "...Bucky used to tie me up." he admitted. "it was great and he'd gag me, so i wasn't so loud, so no one would know..." he muttered, sluggish and unable to focus on more than one thing, so he was focused on sex, because Sex was awesome and he could really go for some. "i was just so sure... that you had what i needed." he admitted when Tony tried to downplay. "i was so angry because you had it and you wouldn't share..." he frowned. "i don't remember who pulled me off you... i didn't hurt you did i?" he hadn't even touched Tony. in his drugged out rage, Steve had been incapable of doing anything but let Tony kick his ass. "i don't want to hurt you." he muttered. "i've never wanted to hurt you. never." he admitted before he swallowed thickly. "i don't wanna talk about drugs..." he muttered. "i still.. i need them still." he admitted with a violent shudder. "don't leave!" Steve gasped, looking so traumatized and terrified it hurt. "Tony don't leave me here alone!" not when he was so weak, so pathetic, so helpless.

Loki smiled. "i imagine so." he agreed as he studied Bucky. "my name is Loki. you're in Stark Tower with the Avengers, a group of modern Era superheros. one of whom is Captain America." he explained. "when one of ours found out you where still alive, you where immidiatly extracted from the facility you where found in, and brought here to rest and recover." he admitted. "personally, i'm hoping you might be able to help us with Steve. he's... not doing well, which is why he's not here himself." he admitted as he helped Bucky drink some more, knowing that he would be wondering where Steve was if he was in the same building as him. "drink all of that and if you can keep it down, i have some soup." he promised Bucky. "once you eat the soup i'll help you into the bathroom for a wash-up." he promised.
 
“Oh please tell me you didn’t research my sexual history, cause that’ll scar both of us.”Tony wrinkled his nose a little, deflecting because he so, so didn’t want to think about steve having sex and dammit the thought of tying steve up went straight to his cock and-baseball. The dodgers were sucking this year. Totally needed a new pitcher and-yea so not thinking about sex and dominating Steve and his own kink, cause that lead to insanity.”I know you didn’t. And Johnny knows that to.Don’t worry, he understood.”Tony reassured before smiling “I know you did. You kept demanding it I was moments away from giving you sugar just to see what you’d do, but I decided that was to cruel.”Tony said before smirking. “No. And I got you off me. Remember, you watched me flip johnny around like a ragdoll. It’s a good thing you’re not as good as normal, cause I would have probably had a problem throwing around a super soldier who weighed as much as you normally do.”Tony said rambling a little nodding. “No talking about that then, cause you’re not getting any, and I’m going to help you keep off and-”Tony stopped looking startled at the other’s demand before nodding quietly, easing back into his seat. “okay, okay Captain.I wont go anywhere.”He reassured looking anxious to see the man so upset. “I promise, not going anywhere.”

“....Stark?Howard?”Bucky tensed at the idea, looking bemused before frowning harder. “What’s steve doing with Howard?”He said his voice growly and annoyed with the idea of the obsessed billionaire being anywhere near his steve, even if they’d broken up, he was still way, way protective of ex, and always his best friend. No matter what, Barnes and Rogers was a team. “...Where is-”Bucky paused sipping the drink before looking annoyed. “Where is he?I don’t want the soup. Let me go see steve.”Bucky said, slipping easily into be the demanding brat steve always told everyone he was, definitely a dominate personality, even as he swung his legs to the edge of the bed, so used to having to move so soon after waking up, the man was weak still, but the driving need to see steve, to reassure himself that his friend was okay despite being told he wasn’t, drove him to push himself.
 
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