Darkest hour [Lionhart]

Harry had started to tremble, feeling himself inside her, deep as she clung to him. The sweat of his body began to cool, a slight breeze wafting over him sending a slight chill over him. He tried to sit up but her grip was strong, he held onto her "What've I done?" he whispered, "what did I do, Roshara?" He didn't realize that this wasn't a dream. It wasn't the state Voldemort left him in while he allowed that line, Harry looked around and his heart thud in his ears. Harry called to her once more in an apologetic tone, as he let the surroundings take place in reality. If Voldemort hadn't sunk into his mind last night this wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have pushed her onto the bed, and he wouldn't have shouted at her or demand her attention. He did his best to pull away from her, trying to find that direct line to Voldemort again, "bastard, you can show me but you can't face it when I've returned the favor." He spoke under his breath, more and more about Voldemort.
 
Roshara heard the words,but so far gone into herself that she wasn't even aware of what they meant.Understanding would come later.For the moment...she was losing it. And holding tightly onto her sanity with fraying strands.Despite it feeling so good,feeling amazing to be with him, she was losing it because she knew everyone eventually left her.And now, she was sure he was going to leave her to.Barely turning at the sound of her name, tears spiking her eyelashes, dark eyes looking huge swimming with tears."Harry?Are you okay?"She whispered quietly, loosening her grip.tightening her grip on her sanity as she got ready for him to leave her.
 
Harry held onto her after she asked about him, he brushed her hair softly and shook his head, "I'm sorry Roshara, I don't know what's gotten into me." His head welled with the hangover still and he felt disappointed in himself, he rested in her arms hoping she wouldn't push him away. Harry wrapped his arms around her for a gentle embrace.
 
Roshara shivered a little, shifting,letting him slide out of her with a pleased sigh,shifting to snuggle into his arms,needing the comfort even as she groped for her wand,summoning the hangover potion she'd been bringing him, holding it out to him with a sad,onfused,and pain look in her eyes, even if it didnt show on her face.It hurt to have the man holding her so gently, after being so demanding to get her in bed."Drink.You'll feel better."She muttered looking down, burying her face against his chest, closing her eyes,starting to cry.The soft sobs shaking her thin frame.
 
Harry had taken the drink, gladly. He felt her body shaking with her cries. He felt terrible for what he'd done and now she was crying. Harry rested his chin over her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He didn't realize he'd hurt her so much, he shifted his chin to his cheek upon her forehead. He wanted to repeat his apology but his throat clogged, he had to clear his throat.
 
Roshara whimpered in pain,heartsore.Not so much because the sex had hurt her, but between the active night before and now, her soul scars were raw and aching as she was coming down form the high of being able to touch without fearing it."Sorry...I'm sorry..."She whispered clinging to him.wanting to ease his guilt.Even without him saying anything she knew him,and he was a soft hearted gryffindor.She knew he was feeling guilty about this."sorry..."She sniffled heek resting on his chest as she sighed,calmng down slowly.
 
Harry had kept her shoulders cradled in his arms and felt the tears dampening his chest. He used one hand to wipe off some of the tears and then held her again. "Don't-" Harry started "You shouldn't apologize, I'm the one who pushed you. I shouldn't have." His voice dropped, "I really shouldn't have done this to you it wasn't fair. Right, not in the lightest." He spoke apologetically.
 
She sighed softly,rubbing at her face burying her face against his chest as she trembled a little, legs tangling with his, more at ease with touching now. At least touching him.Not sure if she'd be able to handle everyone, but for this,she could be with him."Don't...blame yourself."She said slowly, closing her eyes. It hurt to hear him sound so upset."I...I needed to get over my fear. I've been afraid of being touched since-"she broke off, trembling harder. Not able to talk about it, the words clogging her throat.
 
Harry rested his cheek upon her forehead and shook his head, "You don't have to tell me now, Roshara." He said softly and gently rocked her in hopes of comforting. He started to brush some of her hair aside and frowned. It would take awhile to stop himself from blaming himself. Not that it would help if he did stop. He kissed her forehead and continued pushing her hair back.
 
Roshara sighed a little,curling against him,closing her eyes.She could do this.Relaxing,starting to drift to sleep.

A few hours later, Roshara stirred a little, nuzzlign the bare skin under her cheek,pressing a kiss to a dusky nipple, laughing softly, leaning back to look at him,the pain banked in her eyes, pleasure and longing in that look. Longing to have more then what she thought she deserved.Wanting not just his sometimes,but his forever.And yet...she knew she wasn't good enough, wouldn't be able to please him well enough to make him stay with her.Not once he knew just what a dirty little whore she was...after all, some things said to a child scarred deep enough even years later they bled.

"Harry..are you okay?"She asked looking at him worriedly as she smirked snagging his shirt from the end of the bed pulling it on.looking cute and sleep mussed as she studied him."Can...can we go out?"She said needing to work off the nervous energy she was feeling.
 
Harry had a good rest, especially after working off most of his anger against Voldemort. He wanted to say something back to him, he thought 'sure aren't good at keeping what you don't share.' he awakens with a light smile as he swirled away from his sleep. His green eyes blinked open and he looked at Roshara with his brows raised a little and then smiled.
"Hadn't realized I even fell asleep."
He said while getting up and grabbing his clothes. He pulled his pants on looking for his shirt. Then he paused once he saw it was on Roshara. "Ah, I see your little scheme, the idea was for you to shop for something you'd be willing to wear and not for me at all." He said tugging at the sleeve of the shirt and chuckled softly.
 
Roshara laughed softly, blushing a little, biting her lip before leaning forward to kiss him hesitantly, leaning back to look up at him, amusement in those dark green eyes."Of course mouse.I like watching you go around half naked."She teased before getting up herself, pulling on her jeans before ducking down to pick up the bag that laid forgotten when she'd came in, holding it out to him, having stopped to get him more clothes for him."here."

She smiled though distantly she was pissed at voldemort for showing Harry what they'd done, and knowing she'd yell at him when she got back. But the overwelming need to be with harry was stronger then her need to be angry at him.
 
Harry grabbed the bag and looked in, digging out his new clothes, "Are you my sugarmomma, too, then?" He asked as he chuckled while slipping into the shirt she'd bought him.
"I'm going to take a shower, love." He then paused and then smiled deviously, "Sugarmomma."
He went into the bathroom to take a shower, but only let the water run, he came back out.
"I don't quite remember taking my socks off," he snatched one but couldn't find the other while he searched he eyed Roshara from the corner and then looked at her, "You alright?"
 
She nodded smiling a little as she looked up at him,"Of course I am. Why wouldnt I be?"she asked rubbing her eyes, wondering if he knew just how disturbed the whole thing was making her. Resting her chin in her hand as she thought,looking to serious for a woman who'd just had sex.
 
Harry had frowned, "You didn't know..." He asked while moving beside her and crouching, "did you?" He asked adjusting himself so he was comfortable, "When Vold-" His jaw clenched at the very idea of mentioning him, now he had a reason not to speak his name so openingly "When he was showing me what you two were up to, you didn't know I was there did you?" The haunting images played back, not so haunting to hear her or see her but to hear her say Tom instead of Harry.

"The way you were looking at him," he said quietly and more to himself.
 
"No, I didn't...."Roshara winced swallowing hard as she looked down at him,looking down. Trembling a little, despising tom just a little for doing it. She'd known he was cruel,but she'd never thought he'd share something so private, not when he knew just how deep some of the mental wounds went. Shuddering she looked down at her hands,tears filling her eyes. "I love him,as much as I hate him sometimes.Because he's the only one besides draco who's never abndoned me."She said biting her lip.Her love/hate relationship with voldemort was about the only thing she trusted not to give out under her.Hell, half the time she expected draco to walk away from her.And she knew it was only a matter of time before harry left.
 
Harry couldn't believe what he'd heard, the very thought of love and Voldemort mixing in one sentence. Harry also couldn't believe that he actually felt even more jealous and envied being in Voldemort's shoes. He had to push that thought aside, that's exactly what Voldemort wanted and that's probably why he let all of this happen.
"He knows..." he asked while looking into her dark eyes, "he knows that you love him?"
If he knew than why would he treat her so badly, he wondered why anyone would ever do such things. To be cruel to the one who admittedly loves the other. "I don't understand."
 
Pain filled her eyes before she noded slightly."He knows."She said sadly, shuddering a little, shifting, drawing her legs up, wrapping her arms around her knees, resting her forehead on them."I...I put up with it, because no one else puts up with mep."She closed her eyes, tears filling her eyes, pushing out the words before she could regret them. "I was raped when I was a child....voldemort desn't blame me for hating him as much as I love him, because he understands just how cruel the world can be."
 
His blood turned to ice at the mention of rape, it had been a cruel thing, and then he immediately when back to the previous moment when he'd been forcing Roshara to touch him. He was commanding her. He thought how awful that made her feel, he'd felt like a monster now. He lowered onto his knees and rested there silent for a moment.
"You don't deserve that, there shouldn't be hate in love, especially after what you've been through."
The end of that sentence his voice had shaken a little, "there are some good things in this world just as they are cruel." He didn't quite understand yet and he figured he never would understand her love and hate for Voldemort.
He didn't want to leave her side, but the water running in the background drew his attention, so he got up and went to shut the water off.
 
Roshara sighed softly watchig him walk away, her heart giving a painful squeeze, even with him just leaving to walk that far away. Knowing he didn't understand, but she wasn't sure if she could explain.After all.... she didn't quite understand it herself, but she loved voldemort for not leaving her, even when she was in the middle of a breakdown. Biting her lip she sighe softly laying back on the bed,closing her eyes.For once looking peaceful and content, despite him commanding her to touch him. Love made odd things okay.

Starting at the thought she paled slightly, having not realized that she'd fallen for her gryffindor mouse.Rubbing her hands over her face she sighed, "...I should go...I need to yell at snape for drugging me....and now voldemort for doing that."She said blushing hard.
 
Harry had wavered, "You're going alone?" Harry asked with concern. "No," then again he couldn't exactly just stroll up beside Roshara and defend her, even though by the looks of it, she really wouldn't need much help. Those men were in serious trouble. "Blast even with the polyjuice potion, he'd know it's me." He really didn't want her to go alone, then again he couldn't quite ask anyone, they'd have at Harry for hanging around a death eater.
 
Roshara's lips quirked into a smile,getting up, resting a hesitant hand on his arm, looking up at him."Don't worry. I'll be fine.I'll even make sure Draco's nearby."She said smilng a little."I know you don't like him,but he wont let anything happen to me."She said, a smile dimpling her cheek, biting her lip before leaning up to kiss him.
 
Harry looked at her apologetically, "I really hate who I am right now, Roshara. I wish it could be me. Always." In that his voice withdrew sincerity, "you know where to find me." He pressed his weight away from her and planned on cleaning up this place while she was gone.
 
"I am the only one that does."She said with a amused grin, watching him for a moment, pain in those green eyes before she apparated to Hogwarts. whistling slightly as she headed inside, and like every friday, she knew there was a meeting going on there.Or at least that snape was here somewhere. After spending some time searching she headed to his rooms, knocking on the door with a snarl.She really, really wanted to hurt him."Snape,get out here."She growled.
 
Harry jumped into a quick shower and then cleaned up. He had half the mind to run out that door, not after Roshara, but away from everyone. Let Voldemort take over the wizarding world and give up his life as a muggle. Never return to anyone, ever.

"Sorry, Professor." Severus had just deducted some points from one of the Hufflepuff's for sneaking notes in class. He heard Roshara and the student snapped his head around to where the voice came from, "You're. Dismissed. Boyy." The boy rushed out of the room and Snape followed.

"I see you've gotten a hold of the boy, have you?"
He was making a remark to that hint of glow upon her cheek.
 
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