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Shadows of the Heart

Draco wrapped his arms tightly around Blaine, trying to understand what she was saying, scowling a little as he rubbed her back. "i thought you wanted the baby?" he asked softly, carefully leading her over to the couch. "i need you to calm down Blaine." he ordered softly, grabbing her face and forcing her to meet his eyes. "calm down." he ordered softly, licking his lips. "now, slowly, explain what happened and whats bothering you."
 
Blaine struggled to be calm, sitting down on the couch as she looked up at him, slouching a little."I want the baby...me and harry were talking...and suddenly he proposed....and all I could remember was the last time I'd been pregnant, and married. Tony made me get rid of the baby, and with my father here tody...I reacted badly."She sniffled before shooting off the couch.Calm enough now that she needed to explain to harry. pounding on the bathroom door,trying to push it open."Harry?"she said softly, afraid.
 
Draco blinked a little and nodded watching her leap to her feet and run to the bathroom, Draco following when he heard her pounding on the bathroom door, sniffing lightly at the air. "he's not cutting." Draco stated softly. "and he's not smoking anything." those where both good signs, but...there was much worse things that Harry could do to himself in there. "move back." he ordered, moving Blaine over to the side before he spun on his heal and kicked the door, the sounds of splintering wood filled the air as he spun and kicked again, a third time, a third kick and the door was open, the wood broken and the lock still in place, revealing Harry, sitting on the toilette, staring blankly up at the ceiling with a needle in one hand and a small vial of Belladonna extract in the other. "fucking hell! where the hell did he get that!?" Draco demanded, snatching the needle and the drugs from Harry, who only blinked at Draco sluggishly. "well he didn't overdose." Draco stated softly, relief evident in his voice. "your in deep shit Harry Potter!" "ok..." Harry muttered softly, willing and compliant Draco shaking his head. "we better get him into bed."
 
Blaine nodded quietly helping Draco get harry into bed, her body going through the motions, her mind oddly numb. Tucking harry into bed she sighed, sitting in the window seat as she stared out at the night sky as she waited for harry to sober up.Hopefully he'd be okay. Not noticing the tears that were sliding down her face as she watched the stars, feeling oddly detatched to everything, waiting for harry.She needed him...
 
Draco decided to wait downstairs while Harry slept off his high, one that would take a while to work off. the boy hadn't overdosed, but Belladonna always took forever to work it's way free of Harry's system. "your crying." Harry whispered suddenly, his voice bland, his body still, but his emerald eyes staring at her. "why." it was a question, but it sounded more like a statement. "are you hurt." another question that didn't sound like one, but even drugged, harry was worried about Blaine.
 
She turned her head, resting her cheek against the cold glass, "I'm not cry..."She trailed off as she raised her hand to her cheek, realizing she had been crying. Had been for awhile. Shifting, turning back to look out the window, not able to meet his eyes, because she knew, just knew that he hated her now. She'd hurt him, she broke his amazing moments of clarity...he'd stayed sober, and it was her fault he broken it."N-no. I'm not hurt. But I hurt you."She said softly.
 
Harry blinked at her, and then blinked again. "i'm not hurt." he stated simply. "i wanted..." he paused and blinked at the ceiling. "if. i'm like this, then i can be what you want me to be." he stated simply, sighing as he closed his eyes. "and it feels so GOOD to not have to think." he admitted softly. "it feels so good to not remember. it feels so good to know that your the only thing that matters now." he smiled a little. "i want to be, what you want." he admitted softly. "this is the only way." harry had shot himself full of belladonna...so that Blaine could twist him into what she wanted....boy did he ever have a fucked up notion of love, but then, people had done stupider things for stupider reasons.
 
Blaine looked startled, before getting up, plopping on the bed next to him, smackng him in the arm. Having understood what he'd meant her to do. "Thats not what I wanted."She stopped, biting her lip, staring at his chest as she sat cross legged beside him, fingers fiddling with his shirt, staring at his chest."I...I want to marry you."She said softly, biting her lip so hard it bled, unnoticed."I..you know I was married before...when... I was pregnant before. When tony...tony didnt want kids.He made me...get rid of it."She swallowed hard around the tears,"When you asked, along with seeing my father...I was scared. I want to be with you, I didnt want to have to get rid of the baby...even if I knew you wouldnt make me...I was afraid..."
 
he blinked at her, looking upset when she smacked him, looking upset when she told him that wasn't what she wanted listening with that wounded bird look as she explained what it was that had happened. "i thought you hated me." harry admitted softly. "everyone always hates me in the end. Draco hated me, Cedric hated me, even the twins hated me." he sighed a little. "i can't help it, everyone hates me and i don't know why...so i'm going to be someone else, so i won't be hated anymore." he blinked at her. "please don't get rid of the baby...i want it so badly.. i'll raise it myself if you don't want it." he seamed to have confused what she was saying. "please Blaine? don't get rid of the baby."
 
Blaine sighed softly raising her head to look at him,"I don't want to. I... I freaked out because I panicked thinking YOU might want to."She sighed looking at him, gently stroking her fingers through his hair. Pain showing on her face for hurting him."I love you, I could never hate you.I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry...I want you exactly how you are, not drugged not obienant, exactly how you are now...I'm sorry..."She said as she huddled into herself, starting to cry again.
 
Harry blinked at her and then smiled. "i never want to get rid of a baby." he murmured softly, gently resting his head on her belly, trying to listen to a heartbeat that wasn't loud enough to hear. "never...not after Aunt Petunia...never." he murmured softly, nuzzling her belly wrapping his arms tightly around her, holding her close. "i love you." he murmured softly, ignoring the bit about being obedient. he was always obedient, to her anyway. "i'll be good." he decided. "i won't take the belladonna anymore. i think Draco took it all anyway."
 
Blaine smiled softly stroking his hair."Good.And he probably did."She smiled yawning, closing her eyes. Tired and worn, it'd been a eventful day."I love you."She said smiling shifting, squirming down to cuddle against him, resting her head under his chin. Holding him close.
 
Harry smiled as he drifted off to sleep. when Blaine woke up however the bed was empty, there was a heavy smell of good food in the air....and there was a great deal of yelling going on downstairs. the sounds of Harry's enraged voice mixing with Draco and Neville's. what they where fighting about only god would know, because by the time Blaine got down tot he kitchen the fight was over, all three of them looking enraged as harry violently chopped up chunks of meat for a breakfast Stir Fry.
 
Blaine frowned when she walked into the kitchen, looking sleepy and content as she studied her friends and lover."What are you three arguing about?"she asked moving to take the knife from harry, not wanting him to accidently hurt himself.
 
they all scowled but turned away when she asked them what they where arguing about, Harry growling as he let her take the knife away from him. "it's nothing!" he spat angrily as he scowled darkly at Neville and Draco who puffed up in rage. "Harry you need help!" "SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!" Harry roared, Draco and Neville leaping to their feet at Harry's outburst. "you don't have to yell! we're only trying to help!" "talking to some crackpot is not going to help me!" "how would you know!? you can't even hear the name Vernon without cringing!" and harry did cringe, violently. "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Harry demanded, flinging his hand out to the door, pointing the way.
 
"Harry..."She said softly, looking so confused, and hurt that no one wanted to tell her what was wrong. Cringing a little at the yelling she backed away form him she looked up at him, ignoring the other two in the room, watching harry."Talk to me then."She said softly, longing in the words. Needing to be the one that could help him.
 
the other two hesitated, looking from Harry to Blaine before they got up and left, well aware that Harry would calm down once they where gone. they didn't want Harry to accidentally lash out at Blaine. Harry sighed and turned back to the food he was preparing, grabbing another knife and cutting the meat again, calmly this time. he swallowed hard when she asked him to talk to her and he seamed to sag into himself. "they want me to talk to a shrink." he grumbled. "i am not going to tell some fucking stranger all of my deep dark secretes when i can't even tell THEM!"
 
Blaine sighed softly closing her eyes, her heart hurting for him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, leaning aginst his back and resting his cheek against his shoulder."Love, then don't.You don't have to."She muttered, pressing a kiss to his neck."But you could tell me.You know all my deep dark secrets....let me help you."
 
he sighed a little as he laid his head on hers, enjoying the small comfort. "i can't... i can't tell anyone." he whispered softly, a strange note to his voice. "i..i just can't..." but he wanted to, needed to. you could almost hear it in his voice, the NEED to tell, explain, let it all out. the probable years of abuse and hatred from different people that left Harry the rageful, self conscious person he truly was. that had left harry distrustful of nearly everyone...even himself. he sighed a little and looked away from his lover. "if i hate myself for the things that i've done...then how could you not hate me too?" so that was it, he was afraid if someone found out, they would all hate him.
 
Blaine frowned a little as he walked closer, pressing aganst him as she held him closer."Because you know everything about me, and don't hate me.I could never hate you."She said softly, nuzzling his neck, desperate to help him find some peace.
 
Harry swallowed hard and closed his eyes, shaking his head a little as he turned off the stove and then headed upstairs. "i...i want to...in the bedroom." he finally muttered softly, leading the way upstairs, dropping all the curtains over the windows so that the room was almost dark, a comfortable dimness that harry seamed to enjoy. he settled onto the bed and laid down, settling onto his belly with his head resting on his arms, waiting for Blaine to join him before he began.

he explained how he had been with the Dursley's until he was eleven, and told of the horrid things they had made him do. from sucking off his uncle, to burying a baby that Petunia hadn't wanted. being locked in the cupboard and starved while their fat son beat on Harry every chance they got. how they made him work until he passed out, and often made him run around naked because they wouldn't give him more than one set of clothes. he explained how Neville had joined Harry there, placed there by the government, just like harry, due to them being the last of Neville's family. "We're cousins, Nev and i... Nev didn't get it as bad as i did, i made sure to keep my family's hatred focused on me." Harry admitted softly before continuing. from eight to eleven Neville was a steady constant in Harry's life, and Neville had often snuck harry food and bandaged his wounds to the best of his ability. and when they where eleven, Neville called the police, and saved Harry from being raped by his uncle.

he explained how they had been taken to an orphanage, where they met Fred and George, who took them under their wings and protected them from the bullies of the orphanage, and taught them how to curse and talk in Irish. when harry was sixteen, he left the orphanage, ran away. went back tot he Dursley home...and killed all of them. he'd used one of petunia's kitchen knives. he was shaking by this point, his voice choked with tears as he talked about how he made them scream before he finally killed them. how he went into the alley after, and slit his wrists. it was Tom who had found him, covered in his family's blood and almost dead. Tom who had saved Harry's life and took him into the almost loving fold that was the gang, and Tom who helped harry through some of his more serious addictions

it explained so much, Harry's past. Harry's almost constant raping of people he found pretty, Blaine, Draco, even the twins. Harry's inability to trust easily. Harry's aversion to touch on the nights where he had his nightmares, Harry's near dependency on tom and the way he never raised a hand against Neville, never tried to hit him or rape him the way that harry did almost everyone else...it was no wonder that harry was so fucked up in the head. harry was silent now, simply silent as he waited for Blaine to speak, or do something.
 
Blaine shivered as she wrapped herself around the brunette, her head resting on his back as she silently cried for him. It hurt so badly, to not be able to take away that kind of pain.But she understood why he was the way he was...and iwth understanding it healed some of the pain she'd felt when he pulled away from her, when she'd just tried to help him. Shifting, she nuzzled the back of his neck with her nose, burying her face in his hair."Wish they were alive, so I could kill them.I am romeo vinetti's daughter, I would make them suffer for what they did, but even my control stops at teh grave."She said softly, holding him tighter, even though she was prepared to let him go in case he didn't want held.
 
but instead of pulling away, like anyone would have expected, he pressed himself tighter into her, laying his head against her chest, to listen to her beating heart. the soft thudding noise had always calmed him down, made him feel better. "i'll never forget the look on my cousins face...Dudley, he didn't even scream, he just...sat there and looked as if i had betrayed him somehow." he admitted softly. "he pissed me off... i tortured him...for hours and the bitch just wouldn't scream..." he shuddered violently against Blaine and shook his head. "i don't want to talk about it anymore." he muttered softly wrapping his arms around her, holding her tight, feeling grateful that she didn't hate him, that she was still there, that she didn't think he was bad and evil.
 
Blaine nodded a little pressing a kiss to his messy hair as he cuddled against her, struggling to stay calm, though she really was angry with his family for treating a child like this.Running a hand done his back she smiled a little, closing her eyes as she tried to think of something to distract him with."....draco said next time I get a craving you have to go get it. The sight of me eating pickles and peanut butter was upsetting to the pansy."She smiled, poking fun at the blond because even though he didn't say anything, she knew he was throughfully disgusted with her eating cravings.
 
Harry chuckled a little, relaxing at the change of subject, closing his eyes a little. "mmm i can understand that, it's a little gross you know." he teased smiling a little. "i'll have to force down my gag reflex so i can eat it with you, just to gross Draco out." he decided offering her a small smile. "thank you...Blaine, for listening... it...i think it helped." Harry admitted softly, giving her heart a small kiss. "i love you."
 
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