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We Shouldn’t (SadBoy and Horus)

Jason joined him after a few minutes with his warm dinner, eating beside him while something benign played on tv. He tried not to hyperfocus on Alex, but the way he was taking breaths, aware of them, had Jason thinking of his own pre-panic attack motions.

“There’s still a few Xanax if you need one, Xander. They’re small doses, you know. I don’t even have bars. They’re only little…round pills. I’unno, I’m not…supposed to, I know that, but…I can’t keep…I mean, I’m only me. I don’t know what I can do for you when it all gets bad…” munch, munch.


“Casserole’s good.”
 
Alex snorted before responding in with a soft tone of voice, “I’m glad you like the casserole, but you should know that Benzos and alcohol don’t mix well, hon. I’ll pass on that for the time being if it’s all the same to you.” He moved his hands up to rub his temples before sitting up and standing from the couch to begin pacing briskly around the house. He loved Jason’s company, but strangely he couldn’t stand to be around him when he was feeling like this. He wondered if perhaps it was because his brother was the object of his anxiety in a way. Alex’s worries were just as much about himself as they were about Jason, but there was no denying that his anxiety was caused in part by his confusion about the state of their future together. After pacing for a minute or two he simply walked into his bedroom and shut the door behind him before laying down face-first on his bed.



Alex’s frustration in the shadow of his mind was immense, and he decided that he needed to sleep on it. He couldn’t face his brother right now - he couldn’t let Jason see him like this. He didn’t want his little brother to have to worry about him. Slowly Alexander threw his sweatpants off and aside of the bed before climbing under the blanket so that it reached to his shoulders. With worry threatening to overpower him Alexander pressed his face into the mattress below, faced away from the door, and he did his best to close his eyes and fall asleep.
 
“Oh, right, duh,” he mumbled sheepishly, shrugging and mumbling more about how he didn’t drink nor take the pills all that much, so he hadn’t given it much thought. He just really, really wanted to help..

And then Alex was gone again, off to his room. This time Jason doubted that it was to get off. More likely it’d been to get away, but why? Was his anxiety that bad? After chasing after him and pushing his boundaries today in the shower, Jason wanted to respect his brother’s space this time around- he knew what it was like to need to decompress and be alone.

He folded his legs underneath himself and finished dinner, knowing that the earlier comment about Alex actually being inside of him would visit later, probably in the middle of a few steamy dreams. For now, though, he simply leaned forward and finished his margarita, too, and ended up more successful than his brother when it came to dozing off. Alcohol tended to have a sleep-deprived effect on Jason, mimicking what he was like when he was really tired. He’d get sleepy and a little silly, slow and giggly, and this was no different. Without anyone for him to entertain, he succumbed to snoozing on the couch instead. Given the events of the day on top of a long day at school, he could very well sleep until morning, or at least until some weird midnight hour, if Xander let him be.
 
After about an hour sleep finally came to him, though not for very long.



His dream was of Jason; it was pleasant at first until his mind conjured the very worst of his fears that he had to offer. He dreamed of himself and his brother being intimate in the bed he now slept in before the wailing of sirens and running of footsteps that soon burst through the door interrupted the intimacy he so craved. His brother screamed of how it wasn’t his idea, that he didn’t want it, and that his dear elder brother had forced him to do it while faceless police officers tore Alex from his brother and threw him to the wall before viciously beating him. Writhing on the floor in a corner of the room Alexander saw his brother giggling to himself in hysterical laughter out of the corner of his eye - laughing at him: his fear, his pain, his betrayal.



Alexander awoke by bolting straight up in a scramble of sweat and limbs, as he gasped for breath and tried to gather his bearings. It took him a few seconds to recognize that it was just a dream, and it took a few seconds more for him to slow down his breathing to avoid hyperventilation. Alex crawled naked out of bed and walked to his door to open it and retreat from the room of his nightmares. Alexander walked to the kitchen and saw his brother laid passed out on the couch in the living room, but Alex couldn’t bear to look at him right now as he noisily stepped his way into the kitchen. Alexander immediately grabbed a cup from the cabinet at eye-level next to the fridge before opening their liquor cabinet and grabbing himself something strong and flavorless to stifle his nightmares. He settled on Grey Goose Vodka and poured himself an entire eight-ounce cup of it before resealing the bottle and putting it back in the cabinet. Shakily Alexander chugged the entire cup down his throat, as he leaned on the counter to give himself some grounding before putting the once again empty cup back on the counter. Alexander stared at the cabinet for a minute to let himself calm down slightly before dizzily walking out of the kitchen and into the living room with his right hand over his eyes while he massaged his temples to try and ease his blood pressure. He made his way back to his room and into his bed once more to try and fall asleep, though he hoped sleep would find him with a greater degree of success this time around.
 
He was bleary-eyed when he woke from his brother’s footsteps padding around the house. It had been a deep, albeit short sleep for the younger boy, who had to process that it was still early in the evening. It didn’t seem like Alex knew he was awake, as he only caught sight of his big brother heading into the kitchen and then back to his room. He made a few moans and groans before pulling himself into a sit, rubbing the heel of his palm into one of his eye sockets, and then getting to his feet.

Jason was wobbly only from drowsiness, following the pale shape of the older’s bare ass to bed, crawling across the comforter to spoon his brother while Alex still lay there probably-awake. Jason smelled his bedsheets, his brother, and immediately felt a kind of comfort try and lull him back to sleep.
 
Alexander gasped and moaned with surprise when he felt his brother’s touch against his bare skin. A shiver of pleasure ran through his entire body like a flow of catalyzing electricity. The unexpected comfort actually made his manhood rise in defiance of how the effects of alcohol normally effects libido, but then he supposed he had been pretty pent up and limited to only fantasizing moments like this for the past two years.



Alex tried to speak up to his brother although he couldn’t quite formulate the words coherently through his surprise and the buzz that he was starting to feel rush up to meet him from a mix of alcohol and arousal, “J—Jason, b—baby. I—ohmygod you feel s—so good.” His hands reached up to find his brother’s arms, as he moaned faintly while his heart began to beat a loud and rapid rhythm in his chest. Alcohol usually just made him vacant and sleepy, but for whatever reason it seemed to be having a more sensual effect on him when combined with his brother’s company.
 
The moan startled him, Jason perplexed about how his brother could be so sensitive and…turned on, right now? It was strange, he thought, but he found himself huffing a laugh out of his nose before a tittering giggle bubbled out past his lips. The brunet gave Alex a snug squeeze and told him, “You’re so weird…” his voice was slow, tired, but Jason didn’t sound bothered. He just nuzzled in closer.
 
Alexander turned about so he was facing his brother before wrapping his arms around Jason and pulling him close to his chest. The elder brother was aroused but more than that he simply craved being able to hold his brother like this. Jason’s grip around him was reassuring, but Alex felt more secure when he could also hold his brother tight.



Alex kissed his brother slightly messily on the lips before leaning in so his face was snuggly cuddling into Jason’s neck. Alex spoke with a slight slur to his words, as he began to close his eyes and doze off in Jason’s grasp, “Y-y’ur the weird one, babe.”
 
‘Babe’. Jason trilled a happy purr of a sound, a warm chuckle in his chest as his legs tangled up with Alex’s. He fell asleep like that, the taste of alcohol on his tongue and a warm buzz going through him that was almost solely the fault of his feelings for his brother and not the effects of the margarita.

When he slept, it was a thick, wonderfully heavy sleep, dreamless but nourishing. Anxieties weren’t racing through his mind or causing his heart to beat so hard that it might burst. Jason was happy and comforted, especially from all of the ‘this would be disgusting’ thoughts he had in regard to what might befall them if anyone ever found out. Who even could find out? They were alone in their home. It made his heart skip beats in a good way, and the boy curled even tighter around his brother, sliding legs against legs and hands dragging against skin in sleepy strokes.
 
No nightmares plagued Alexander again that night, and his cuddling of his brother in his sleep made his nude form a tangle of lanky limbs with his comparatively small and slender brother until eventually he awoke at four in the morning with Jason somehow atop him. It took him several seconds to get his bearings, and it took a few seconds more to realize this wasn’t a wonderful dream that he was in. His mind rotated to the previous day to recall all that had happened: the good, the bad, and the crazy.



Alexander realized that a thin stream of drool was hanging from his bottom lip and that he had apparently accidentally drooled on his brother’s chest at some point during the night. The elder brother turned a light shade of pink in embarrassment at the realization, but he couldn’t help but smile at Jason’s peaceful expression as he slept. A twinge of discomfort arose in Alexander when he felt his morning wood solidly poke against his brother’s legs, and yet he didn’t want to move either. He found himself lightly grinding his manhood against his brother’s sleeping form, and he had to consciously stop himself with a gut feeling of guilt and embarrassment. Surely his brother wouldn’t want him to be doing this whilst he slept, but Alex knew if he was stuck underneath Jason for long enough he would certainly be unable to resist the impulse for long. He knew how weak his willpower really was when it came to his brother - the previous night had made doubly sure of that in his mind.



Alexander gently shook his brother in an attempt to rouse him from his sleep before speaking to him in a dull whisper to hopefully make him not wake with a startle, “Hey, J. Good morning.” A small part of Alexander worried about what his brother would do today. Would he change his mind from the night before? Would he refuse to talk to him now, or worse yet would Jason do his best to ignore him entirely? These intrusive thoughts snuck their way into his conscious mind to cause his heart to start racing with anxiety, as he shook his brother awake.
 
He groaned. He didn’t want to wake up, he was way too comfortable! It was warm and cozy and, honestly, the perfect situation; Jason had a warm body to snuggle and it was cuddling him right back. “Mmnnn…” it sounded, a moment later, like he’d mumbled ‘shut up’ or ‘leave me alone’. Maybe ‘five more minutes’. It wasn’t anti-Alex, but rather anti-wake up, the boy clinging tighter to his brother and hiding his face from any source of sunlight filtering in through the window.

His body tossed and turned in the blankets they were tangled in, and his breathing got deeper once more, but Jason was still tangled with his brother. He was not a morning person, and four wasn’t even late enough to be considered ‘morning’! That was practically the middle of the night, still!

Another jostle from Alex would prompt him to grumble, “Go back t’shleep.”
 
Alex chuckled slightly at his brother’s stubbornness before leaning his face into Jason’s neck and pulling him tautly to his comparatively large form. He started placing messily teasing kisses at his brother’s neck to provoke a reaction of some sort: hopefully either to stimulate Jason in a similar fashion to the way he was stimulated down under, or to annoy him enough to get off of him. The elder brother almost certainly had a preference for the former over the latter, but he would honestly take either in this instance.



Alexander moaned with the twitch of his length against Jason’s leg, but he did his best to ignore it while he kissed up until he bit at his younger brother’s ear and spoke in a soft whisper, “You keep hugging me like that and Imma’ want you firmly wrapped around me down below too, you little tease.” His kisses continued back to Jason’s cheek before putting a lasting kiss on his lips, as he stared intently at his younger brother’s sleepy face.
 
At first, with his brother’s mumbling, Jason thought he was hearing him in his dreams. Gravelly and husky from sleep, rumbling and sexy. A sleepy giggle tumbled out of his mouth and he squirmed, rubbing forward against whatever part of Alex was there while his hands got flirty, sliding along his brother’s arms and into his hair. He was coming ‘round.

The kisses along his throat made him giggle even more, ticklish and warm as they were, and he groaned in faux annoyance as he finally blinked open his eyes. “Okay, okay okay okay, I get it! You’re horny,” mumbled Jason, pushing their chests and mouths together for a kiss. “Thought I was imagining a big ol’ dick, but I wasn’t,” he glanced down with a dopey grin at where Alex’s morning wood warmed his flesh.

He flopped to the side, on his back and off of Alex. A big sigh pushed out of him. “Holy shit.” He just stared at the ceiling, mostly wordless, but looking happy.
 
Alex chuckled heartily at his brother’s reaction that neatly mirrored his own feelings. He teased his brother lightly with his words as he reached up to annoyingly poke lightly at his brother’s cheek, “Oh, so I’m big now am I? How kind of you to admit it.” He laughed a little bit louder before stretching out his arms and rolling over so he was now atop his brother, and his legs straddled his brother’s hips while he held himself by his arms that were positioned on either side of Jason’s face. Alex had a bright smile on his face that radiated the warmth he felt inside, as he brushed the mess of his younger brother’s hair with his hands before giving him another soft kiss on the lips. He still couldn’t believe how soft his brother felt, and how wonderful it felt to glide his skin across that soft body. Alexander had fantasized about it forever, but his imagination did not hold a candle to how good it felt to do this for real.



Alexander pulled away from the kiss after a few seconds to beam down at his brother before speaking to him in a voice that was unusually warm and sultry, “I could wake up like this every day. Whatchya’ thinking about?”
 
Jason was in the same boat, where it all felt…mystical, like this was a dream. His brother was actually touching him. They’d done more than that. They’d done more than just a fleeting kiss, and they’d been through so much in just a day. His heart ached as he pulled Alex down, his arms wound behind the older’s neck and drawing him in, keeping him close even after the younger brunette finally stopped kissing on his big brother.

“I want today to treat you kinder,” he whispered to him warmly. The nausea of the taboo of being with Alex had yet to come back, Jason not even worried about it raising its head once more. Surely it would, but he was content to fawn over him in its absence.

Leaning back into the pillow, Jason let his eyes draw down his brother’s body, and his hands slowly fell forward from his shoulders to follow the same path, feeling him, pressing against his chest and then his abdominals. Staring at the obvious, unclothed cock that eagerly draped across his own stomach, or dangled between his legs, depending on how his brother had positioned.
 
Alex followed his brother’s eyes to where his length stood erect over his stomach and chuckled lightly before speaking in a teasing tone, “Something catch your eye, little guy?” Alexander bit his bottom lip slightly, as he looked down from his brother’s eyes to his mouth instead. His mind wandered as he thought about how warm and inviting his mouth looked - how it might feel to explore every corner of Jason’s mouth with his manhood.



Alexander gave his brother a kiss on the lips before sitting up straight to look down at Jason with a mix of loving affection and youthful lust, as his hands moved down to slide under Jason’s shirt and tease at his nipples with his slightly-calloused thumbs. Alex had a look of mild embarrassment spread across his face before asking his brother a query in a voice that was softer than was typical for him, “Is this okay?” He didn’t want to do anything that his brother didn’t want again, but he was so eager to become more intimately acquainted with Jason that sometimes he got lost in the moment.
 
They didn’t share a thread of thought just because they were brothers; with Alexander’s dick right there, it was hard not to think about having it in his mouth. The position, he thought, would be strange, as it didn’t…feel as if he’d be able to handle much before gagging, what with how his head was sat up. It didn’t make his brother look any less like he belonged in his mouth, either, though.

Then the warmth of large palms sent him lolling his head back with a groan. Jason shivered from Alex’s fingers. Sighing softly, he nodded, his own hands sliding down until they each stopped at his brother’s hips. Fingers groped the muscle there, and then they spread to squeeze handfuls a little lower. “You feel good,” he told him quietly.
 
Alexander smiled and nodded before he responded in a voice quivering with excitement, “S—so do you.” He felt a shiver run up his spine with the feeling of Jason’s hands reaching low on his hips, and Alex’s breathing became slightly accelerated with the feeling of his body practically begging to be put to use. Alex was also thinking about putting them in a less awkward position, but he didn’t want to move away from his brother’s hands when they were so close now. His eyes were filled with want, as he peered into his brother’s eyes for a sign of assurance while he started playing more intently with Jason’s nipples - rubbing them in between his thumbs and index fingers of both hands.



Alexander spoke again in his more typically low and resonant voice that still quivered with nervous energy, “I—I want this…” Alex leaned in closer so his face was only twelve inches away from Jason’s face before continuing with a gentle query, “…I want you. Do you want this too?”
 
Jason hummed and rubbed himself upward, grinding against his brother and squeezing his fingers deeper in against warm skin. “Mmm? Want…? What do you mean? Of course I want you, I love you,” he sat up enough to kiss him on the mouth. “But if you mean y’wanna bone right now, I think you need to take me on a date or three first.” Jason told him with a grin and clapped his hands onto Alex’s backside in a playful, loud smack.
 
Alex yelped lightly in surprise before his face flushed with flustered embarrassment and he spoke with a coquettish grin that belied his libido’s growing frustration, “You really are such a fuckin’ tease, ya’ know that?” Alex leaned in to give his brother a loving and lasting kiss on the mouth, as his hands roamed up and behind to caress the soft skin of his back underneath Jason’s shirt. Alexander resisted the urge to do so much more to his brother with an audible groan, as his mind explored the possibilities in his head. A part of him wondered if perhaps Jason would be more pliable if he just didn’t ask to instead slowly push apart the barrier between, but Alex did his best to ignore that part of his mind.



He reluctantly pulled away from their kiss, as he felt himself begin to unconsciously grind against his brother’s stomach with his length. Alexander looked aside and away from his brother’s eyes sheepishly as he spoke an apology of sorts, “I-I’m sorry I’m so… lively around you. It’s just— I’ve been holding back for so long, and now that I can be open with you about it… I can’t help but want to be closer to you. Ya’ know what I mean?” His gaze returned to his brother’s eyes, as he spoke tenderly to his younger sibling, “I love you too.”
 
A part of him was still scared, not of Alex, but of the pain of adjusting to that girth. His fingers couldn’t do justice to the thickness, let alone how deep that weapon of a dick could reach. His heart beat in quick flutters and he broke into a giggly grin. “I mean, I do really, uh, kinda want your dick in my mouth,” blurted the younger of them.

He pushed his hand down his brother’s body and grasped around his cock with curious, wanting fingers. “Especially since you’ve already gone and got all hard…” not tbat it was difficult, given Alexander’s libido.

“Is that something you’ve thought about a lot?”
 
Alexander’s face flushed again into a light shade of pink, but instead of embarrassment this time his expression was one of desire. He shakily nodded to his brother while he felt his younger brother’s small, soft hands move onto his cock with curiosity. He groaned in pain from the tightness he felt in his groin, as he felt his body adamantly demand to use Jason’s mouth like they both clearly wanted.



The elder brother got off the top of Jason back to his original position of his back laying on the bed, but this time he was sat up straight so his back was pressed against the headboard. Alexander figured this would be more comfortable for the both of them. His large and slender hands gripped his brother’s torso to pull him closer before one of his hands slid down the front of his brother’s pants to tease at his cock with the tips of his fingers while he spoke with a provocative tilt to his speech, “I’ve thought about that quite a lot, and if it’s something you want… I’m not going to stop you either.” Alex’s hand that had previously teased Jason’s cock moved up to cradle the back of his brother’s neck while his other hand moved to slowly stroke his own length. His eyes were fixed intently on Jason’s expression to gauge his reactions. He wanted his brother badly, and he needed to know how serious he was before he went further than what he was comfortable with - although he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop without strong resistance at this point.
 
He closed his eyes again at the feel of his brother’s hand down his underwear, tracing the tip of his cock. By the tile the both of them had switched up how they were sitting, it was half-hard, making him shift uncomfortably. Unlike Alex, it wasn’t one of his main focuses- no, he wanted to focus solely on his brother and his body, his cock, flicking a sheepish gaze upward at him as he laid on his stomach, head about in the older’s lap.

“I’ve…like, f-fingered, used fingers, to practice the…other stuff, but there’s not really a way to practice, uh, sucking….dick, an’ I’ve never done it, so don’t make me feel too bad if I suck, yeah? Well, if I suck in a bad way, I mean,” Jason tried to joke, feeling silly and further and further embarrassed. He wrapped one hand around the root of the other’s erection and licked his lips, able to smell hot, eager flesh at this proximity. It made him throb in kind.

Jason leaned forward and dragged his tongue along the tip for his first taste of him, of anybody, the salty tang making his mouth water. His lips came together to suckle a loud kiss right at the end of his prick, punctuated by a cliche smack! Of suction and wet lips.
 
Alexander smiled at his brother’s nervous speech before Jason took his tip into his mouth. There was something cute and endearing about his nervous energy - he supposed it showed that Jason cared about his performance, but the elder brother would soon teach the younger brother any gaps in his knowledge in any case. In Alex’s experience giving quality felatio was usually more about the enthusiasm behind it than any specific technique, and Jason certainly wasn’t lacking in enthusiasm.



A shudder of pleasure came from Alexander as Jason licked hungrily at his tip, and Alex’s hands came up to slowly brush through his brother’s hair. The older brother resisted the urge to pull his brother’s head down with a distinct effort on his part, but his desire was clear in his eyes while he focused his gaze on Jason. He wanted more, but he wanted to go at a pace his brother was comfortable with - though his need might soon grow to much to bear to resist any longer.



Alex’s fingers held either side of Jason’s head in a tender cradle, as he looked Jason in his eyes with rapture. He had only ever dreamed of this, and being in such a position with his brother now was almost intoxicating. He felt like he might wake up from delirium at any moment - like this couldn’t possibly be real and true. He couldn’t find the words for how he felt in the moment, so he simply spoke the sentiment he knew to be true, “I love you.”
 
A warm chuckle rumbled across the sensitive tip of Alexander's cock as the boy was confessed to, Jason sliding his hand up and down his length before coaxing his lips further down. Yesterday had been intoxicatingly fun on the couch, but Alex hadn't yet been treated to something truly wet, snug and hot. Jason thought that they'd both waited long enough. Years. He hummed against the girth in his mouth and slid down further, taking in three, four inches, cheeks caressing and holding to the shape of his brother's cock. Soft exhales out his nose brushed against Alex's groin as Jason sucked and suckled, bringing his mouth up two, three inches before sinking back down again.

His fist hugged the last few inches that he didn't trust himself to reach without choking too much, other hand massaging at those fat, heavy balls. He continued to suck on him and gradually take more, five inches in his mouth and his green eyes rolling up to lazily blink at his brother. Jason rumbled a deeper moan from in his chest, thrumming up his throat and reverberating in the cavern of his mouth. "Mmgh-- hgm.."
 
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