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Haru's Heedful Howlings -[Comments Welcome]-

So, the talk right now is that they are discussing leaving in my picc line even after I leave. For those who are unsure what this is, it is a line, like an IV, that has been inserted into my arm. Where an IV is really just a needle, this is an actual line, in a major vein, that runs all the way to my heart. To put it in perspective this line for me is about four feet long after it is run through my circulation system.

This comes with some things to be very mindful of. It is intrusive and has to be kept sterile. It is a pathway into my body, directly to my heart, so you don't fuck around with it and let it get dirty. It can be used to give drugs, as well as draw blood. So I avoid all the times you get stuck with needles.

Anyway, I've asked them about leaving it in before. They declined mainly due to things like abuse. Not me specifically, but it would be wonderful for anyone using drugs. That's the thing... I come to the hospital and that is 90% of the reason I am here. To get heavy antibiotics.

I guess they've seen I am being admitted every six months or so and if they can leave in the picc then it will be more rare for me to come back. So even though there's a bit of upkeep for it, it would be worth it to me.

I also have the ball rolling, again, to try and get on some of the helpful social programs. It is just too difficult and painful for me to work and I really need help. No shame in it, and I might think differently if I hadn't been dealing with this for so long.

A big thank you to all my friends and writing partners and online lovers. You keep me sane and happy.
 
I hope you'll get better soon. Wish you didn't have to stay in the hospital so much...
Thinking of you and sending you well wishes!
 
Well, I am finally home! They did leave the picc line in my arm, and I got all manner of instruction on care and use, since it is a very major thing and an infection could easily turn south quickly. It will be in for a week and I actually administer the drugs here at home myself with some pretty nifty equipment.

I go to the wound care clinic tomorrow at 1pm, so I have to drive back to Nashville for that. I'm not sure how often they will see me, but it looks like maybe 2x a week? I'd like to get it down to 1x a week and have some supplies here at the house for self care. But, we'll see what they say.

Just glad to be home, and this time was accompanied by minimal, if any, pain. Hopefully that trend continues. It will take me a bit to get adjusted, like it always does when coming home, but I should be back to writing very soon.

Thank you all very much for your patience and support. <3
 
Glad that things are looking better. Been thinking of you. ♡
 
Always with the excuses, you. "AE, I'm incredibly sick and need to get my health in order." "AE my leg has fallen off and I can't write a response until I get to the emergency room" "AE put the gun down, I can't write while under pressure" pfffftttttttttttttt. Likely stories.

All jokes aside, glad you're back out of the hospital love. Take your time getting back into things, health comes first, even if I'm a close second :p

I just said jokes aside and then made another joke. I'm such a rebel.
 
-points- The meaniest!

-smiles and hugs- Just joking. You know I love ya. I should hopefully get replies out tomorrow night since the morning is kinda spoken for. But I owe you and LittleBear. I won't forget.

You're a rebel! I really like your bowcaster. :p
 
Haruchai said:
So, the talk right now is that they are discussing leaving in my picc line even after I leave. For those who are unsure what this is, it is a line, like an IV, that has been inserted into my arm. Where an IV is really just a needle, this is an actual line, in a major vein, that runs all the way to my heart. To put it in perspective this line for me is about four feet long after it is run through my circulation system.

This comes with some things to be very mindful of. It is intrusive and has to be kept sterile. It is a pathway into my body, directly to my heart, so you don't fuck around with it and let it get dirty. It can be used to give drugs, as well as draw blood. So I avoid all the times you get stuck with needles.

Anyway, I've asked them about leaving it in before. They declined mainly due to things like abuse. Not me specifically, but it would be wonderful for anyone using drugs. That's the thing... I come to the hospital and that is 90% of the reason I am here. To get heavy antibiotics.

I guess they've seen I am being admitted every six months or so and if they can leave in the picc then it will be more rare for me to come back. So even though there's a bit of upkeep for it, it would be worth it to me.

I also have the ball rolling, again, to try and get on some of the helpful social programs. It is just too difficult and painful for me to work and I really need help. No shame in it, and I might think differently if I hadn't been dealing with this for so long.

A big thank you to all my friends and writing partners and online lovers. You keep me sane and happy.
Click to expand...


Absolutely no shame in admitting that you need help. Get all the help you can because then you might stay a bit ahead of all the medical issues and monetary issues THOSE issues can cause.

Love ya so you'd better get better or all of us will have to come over there and....wait a minute...you might like that. Ummm.

Just get better.

Hugs.
 
Alright!

Sitting here letting my Zosyn be pulled into my arm through the picc and it is going well. Had my first visit with the wound care specialist today and they gave me a good prognosis. If things go well he think I can be healed in 12-14 weeks. Which, if so, I'll be buying donuts for him and his staff.

Today was just horribly busy for my first visit and I didn't get out til almost 4:30. Just in time for horrid Nashville traffic. lol.

I started getting out replies again, and had an old writing partner swing by and wanna resurrect a game. So I am thinking of doing something where I have a thread to keep track of my games and those that are active. Hmmm.

So hopefully this all goes well and I keep having good news. :)
 
Glad to hear some good news on the healing front!

Hugs.

A thread to keep track of games is not a bad idea. Sometimes on the other site I have to make a list of what I need to answer, etc. I think I might have to start that again. sigh. LOL.

Continue to get better.
 
As you all know, my muse has been fickle, but the last few days have not helped.

I live in a community just outside Nashville, about 30 miles or so westward, called Dickson. I live about 5-6 miles outside the city limits. A few days ago, a search began for a 5yo boy. Autistic and nonverbal, but bright and curious, he disappeared from his home. Of course, a search began. This boy's home is about a mile from where I live, and a volunteer group of about 250 people or so got together with police and the sheriff, bringing in helicopters and the like to search. A pond was drained and good new was given by people who had said they might have seen the boy. But the nights have been cold, dropping below freezing, and hope was fading...

Then, unexpectedly, the father confessed to killing his boy and hiding the body. As far as I know he still hasn't said where he hid him. But being so close to where this all happened, I was pretty damn angry and disgusted. I'm not sure just what is going to happen, and I am sure the mother will be questioned as well, but this was not the news that people were hoping the get, even if the hopes that the child would be found alive were fading. The father has no criminal record and hasn't been in trouble before.

It's just.... ugh.
 
Ugh indeed. Hugs!

I read about that but didn't know it was so close to where you live. I'm sorry. I grew up in small communities and know that these things affect the whole communities and not just the family. Can't say much other stuff without carrying on with how icky that makes me feel to think something like that happened.

Hugs indeed!
 
That is so awful, Haru. Big hugs sweetie. I'll have you in my thoughts
 
I am a new uncle. Please meet Amelia Claire!


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Our Hearts Are Monsters... That's Why Our Ribs Are Cages.


I wanted to write this entry for several reasons. Not only is depression something that I go through myself, but I know it is something that others here, some of them very close and beloved friends, go through as well.

A lot of people simply do not understand depression. They simply think that one is "sad", or "mopey". In places like this, writing sites and social interaction sites, people often say they have "lost their muse"... or a plethora of other things. Of course such things are true.

But depression is so much more. And so is anxiety!

The brain is an organ. Mental illnesses are illnesses of that organ. Brain scans show that there are physical differences between a healthy brain and an unhealthy brain. Telling someone "You're not really sick, it's all in your head." is tantamount to telling someone with asthma, "You're not really sick, it's all in your lungs.". The brain is an organ that can malfunction as much as any other organ.

Depression, and anxiety, encompasses so much more than feelings of "sadness". Emotions that often accompany depression are sadness, anxiety, "empty" feelings, guilt, anger, mood swings, irritability, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness. Behaviors can encompass crying, withdrawal from others, changes in personal appearance, neglecting of responsibilities, being agitated or unable to settle, moving more slowly. Thoughts often center on frequent self-criticism, impaired memory and concentration, indecisiveness, confusion, thoughts of death and/or suicide. Physical symptoms can range along the lines of chronic fatigue and lack of energy, sleeping too much or too little, weight losses or gains, lack of motivation, substance abuse, and unexplained aches and pains.

There is so much more to depression and anxiety than people think, and though I think a lot of people here know this, I am always surprised by how many other people in regular everyday life simply don't understand.

Please, everyone... take care of yourselves. Love yourself. Love one another. Be kind.
 
Alright! Looks like we're entering a new era of BMR. Staff changes, forum changes... it's all a good thing. I've felt more than a bit remiss in my duties here at my journal. Not that it is a duty per se, but we all disappear for awhile at times. No, no... I can't apologize for that in and of itself. However, when I first started this I wanted to bring a little bit of cuteness to each entry. Obviously, now I feel that each entry getting this treatment might be a bit much, but hey, one can never bring too much cute, right?




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So there you go! Cute pupper! :)
 
Hey Haru, thought about you and wondered how you were doing. You haven't been online in a while and I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hope you are doing well.
 
Ok, so... I haven't been around for a long time. I'm not even sure I'll come back, but a little birdie told me that people might be a little worried about me. So here I am, sort of checking in and letting everyone know I am alright.

Wound care ended the first week of October, and for the first time in over a decade my legs are completely healed. Fingers crossed I can keep them that way. I am trying to get on a path of taking better care of myself, since so many years with so much pain and problems means I no longer have that svelte schoolgirl figure I once had. :p

2018 ended without much fanfare and 2019 came in with even less. Still, I hope to make this a good year. Maybe I'll try to come around more. I dunno. Either way, everyone be kind to one another. Here's a pupper to keep you company.


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