he chuckled a little and shook his head. "honestly, i think Phil is more like the mother and Bruce is the Father." he admitted with a chuckle. "Phil is just more fussy where Bruce get's all disappointed and enforces the rules. and grounds us" he admitted. "now that i think about it, didn't he ground Tony the other day?" he asked, head cocked to the side. "i'm sorry Bell." he admitted softly. "i did want to tell you, but i was scared. i'm still scared." he admitted, pulling his knees up to his chest. "what if they treat me different? what if i get them all in trouble? what if i have to put up the shield? for so, so long that was all i ever wanted, was that fucking flag..." he admitted, closing his eyes. "i didn't always want to be in the army you know." he admitted softly, finally, finally opening up to her. "i was only fourteen when it happened. James... he tried to make out like it was his idea. his daddy was a seargent you see and he inherited the title or whatever. anyway, they sent him a draft letter. he'd been pulled into the army. he tried to hide it from me but i know he was scared. not of the war, but about leaving me alone. i was going to go to school to be an artist. i was gonna make comics, but the letter came and Buck was leaving and i did everything i could to go with him.
"Captain America... the Rebirth Project, it was my only chance to go be with Buck o i took it... i never should have taken it." he admitted, closing his eyes. "the things they did to me... in the name of science... i'll never forget it. i still have nightmares. Erskine was the only one who could have held them in check and he was dead now. so i was a lab rat, and then they made me dance and sing in front of crowds during the day and ran me through hellish tests at night..." he shuddered violently. "and i was scared because i was only fifteen and they where..." he shuddered again. "but the the one o seventh went missing and i managed to go after him even though my entire body burned from the last tests and i saved Bucky and the testing stopped because there where too many people watching me." he admitted, turning to look at her. "i was too young to know ay better and i was too young to have any rights." he admitted softly. "i was scared if people knew how old i really was... they would make me stop, and i'd be nothing but a lab rat again and i can't... i can't Bell! i can't do that again!" he admitted, burying his face into his knees and just sat there, trembling because he was so scared, and so overwhelmed, and too young to know any better.