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A Niche in Time

Thanks for being so understanding. I have barely gotten out of bed in two days. Thankful for my laptop right now.
 
If you could live forever, would you want to? If there was a medicine you could give to someone who was sick and possibly dying, would you give it to them? Would you want to?

Grey's Anatomy. lol. That's where this is coming from.
 
Well, today is Saturday, and I'm going to attempt to go to work. I haven't been all week due to illness. Maybe I should say illnesses. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Monday started it all off. I woke up around 5 am, feeling like I was going to be sick. I thought maybe I just needed some more sleep. So I went back to sleep for a few hours. When I got back up, I still felt the same. I spent the day until around 2-2:30ish, throwing up. I ran a fever. When I checked it, it was 101.4, but I think other factors made it that number. I was covered up, had taken a shower, was drinking. It wasn't a matter of just open your mouth and take your temperature. It was affected by outside factors. After that, I spent the day feeling as though I needed to throw up, but nothing would come up. I barely had anything to drink that day, and I ate nothing. The next day I was feeling a little better. I was able to get up easier, and I actually started to eat. Of course, by nightfall, I thought I had made a mistake with some of the food I had. My stomach was turning against me. I felt a little like I was going to throw up. By day three I ventured out of the house for a little bit. I was feeling a bit better still. By day four I was really feeling better, and so I spent the day out of the house with family, doing what I normally do on my days off. By Friday though, my stomach began an all-out war against me. To say I have an upset stomach would be correct. I am swallowing two kinds of meds for it, and it's still here this morning. I don't care. I'm going to take more meds until it stops, and I'm going to work. I have to. If it gets to be too much, I can always leave, but I have to try. This week has been rough. My family is sick as well. Both of my parents are feeling poorly. It just doesn't seem to be letting go. One day this week, I think Wednesday, I had someone cut my hair. My hair was long, down my back, I could reach behind and grab it. lol. Now it touches my shoulders. My mom cut it for me, and to be honest, she cut it too short, but I don't have the heart to tell her.

So you see BMR, that's been my week. I've barely written anything. So I know I owe a lot of replies. Please continue to be patient. It'll take time as I get my muse and footing back. Have a good day BMR.
 
Well today is Monday. I'm off today. This week has been hectic. I only worked Saturday and Sunday due to being so sick. This week coming up is going to be different. I'll be working Tuesday through Saturday. Long week, but I'm grateful for it. There are people who don't have jobs. There are people who can't work. I'm lucky to have a job I am able to go to. It provides for me. Sure I don't have everything I want, but I have what I need. Roof over my head, utilities paid, food on the table, and clothes. I've got it good. So while I could complain I have to go to work, why should I?

Speaking of food, I have to go grocery shopping today. Aside from that, my day is going to be a typical Monday. So here's hoping I can get some writing done today. I literally owe replies to almost every single one of my rps. lol. I am so far behind. It's not even funny. I have come to realize that I have lost some rps and some partners. I'm sad to see them go. Truly I am. I wish them well in all they do. Okay, so with that, I really need to get moving here. Have a good day BMR.
 
Update on today. My plans got changed, and it looks like I won't be able to do as much writing as I wanted. Sorry to all my partners.
 
Crap. I got called for Jury duty. Crap. I did it two years ago, and now they want me to come back. I am so not looking forward to this. Last time I was lucky. Someone else in my family was called at the exact same time. So it wasn't bad at all. I rather enjoyed it, but this time? *rolls eyes* I wish I could get out of it. The only good thing about it is that the dates are on Wednesday through to Friday. Friday is paint day. I'll be missing that. That's the only good thing about it. Have a good day BMR.
 
Well, it's Saturday. Today is technically my Friday. Today is my last day of work before having two days off. So it's my Friday. I am tired, and I am ready for these two days off. Tomorrow I hope to accomplish nothing. lol. I want to simply lounge around the house all day.

As for the writing, I actually have a lot of posts done. They are on my notepad. lol. So yeah, it's about time for me to restart my laptop without saving it and lose them all. lol. It wouldn't be the first time I've lost a reply that way. I have one more that I'm working on and a starter that I have to write. Then I will be caught up. Holding on to the replies I have written and dropping them all is crazy. I'm thinking about dropping something for Lost In Space today though. I don't want to hold up a group rp for one thing. Besides, it may be all that I have time to drop before heading out for the day.

I try to let my partners know what's going on here in my journal. Things have been busy lately. I'm hating jury duty that is coming up next month. Something big is happening in my family too. I won't go into details about it, but it's big. I just....I don't know. Seems like swimming with a ball and chain around your ankle, barely keeping your head above the water. I'm going in early at work, leaving early, cutting my lunches in half some days, all so I can leave early. It seems so rush, rush lately. I want the world to slow down for a little while. lol

This new variant of Covid has us wearing masks again at work. That just started Monday. Safe to say I hate it. I really hate it. This variant will go on, eventually, things will die down again, people will relax more, masks will come off, the country will be on the verge of opening up again, and BAM! Another variant will put us right back down. Have I gotten the shot? No. Why not? I hate needles. I know that's a stupid reason for not getting it, but it's mine. I try to tell people it's because the vaccine hasn't been around for a long time, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nope. I hate needles.

And in closing this post, I want to say something to a certain someone who may not read this for a while, if ever. Our rp seems to have come to an end on Discord. You didn't post back. I get it. I'm sure you have your reasons. I wish you well in all that you do, and I enjoyed working with you. Have a good day BMR.
 
I was approached tonight by the lady who is the supervisor of the appliances department. She had heard that I wanted to be on mid shifts instead of the closing shift. So she offered me one in her department. There's an opening, and she offered it to me. I don't think I can do it. Instead of getting off at 10pm, I would be getting off at 4:30. It sounds great, but what if I changed departments and I don't like it? What if I can't do the job? What if I can't go back to paint? I want to, but at the same time, I don't want to.
 
You CAN do the job - you're doing it now, really.

You just need to learn the products.

Change can be scary. Back yourself. :)
 
Things have changed here recently. It's a big change. I knew it was coming. In fact, it's a change that attempts were taken in the past to accomplish. Now, it's here. It's happening. This change gives me some free time in the morning.

I'm working on replies. Seems I'm developing this nasty habit of writing replies and dropping them all at once. I have two written now, and honestly, my brain is mush right now. I can't think of how many I owe. It's almost 3am here. I actually did lose a rp. It's one on Discord. Sadly the person I was working with just ghosted me. Disappeared. There were times he thought I was done with our rp, and I even told him that if I lost interest, or I ever was to the point where I was done, I would tell him. I wish he would have told me. I know I haven't been a perfect partner to my past partners. I disappeared on them. I was silent. So now I know how that feels. To the ones I have let down in the past, I apologize. I never should have treated you that way. Have a good night BMR.
 
Well, this week is going to be interesting. Today was going to be the last day of working with a fellow co-worker. She has found another job, and this is her last week working with the company. I only work certain days this week, and today was going to be the only day we worked together. Sadly she left work today before I got there. So I shall not be working with her anymore. She will be missed. I didn't always like working with her, I'll be honest, but she will still be missed. She was, still is until this week is over, the full-time opener. I wish her the best in her new job.

As I said, I'm only working certain days this week. That is because Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I have jury duty. So I will not be working those days. Saturday I requested off. lol. I'm always off on Monday. So I was off yesterday, working today, off Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, only to return to work Sunday. Two days. I'm working two days this week. lol. I am not complaining. Why am I not worried about money?

My federal income taxes have not been released to me yet. When will they be released? If you guessed this week or next week, then you would be correct. Add to that the fact that I will be getting my bonus check the middle of next month, right about the same time I would be getting the check for this week with all my days off, and you can really, really begin to see why I'm not worried about missing so much work. *grins* I'm making more money and not working. Sounds like a winner to me. lol.

So this week has time that is up in the air. I told my parents that I wanted to treat them to dinner since I'll be able to. I want to do something nice for them. I know my mom's favorite restaurant. So I'll be taking them there. I also told someone else in my family that I wanted to do the same for her and her children. So that's two dinners I am treating people to. I'm glad I can do it. I look forward to it. One will be filled with adult conversation. The other, not so much. lol. It's okay though. I look forward to both of them. One will be a nice steak dinner. The other is a tasty Italian one. So here's to family and food. I hope everyone has as good of a week as I'm hoping I do. Have a good day BMR.
 
Well work has been sucking the life out of me. My department is short-staffed. We have three people working, and not one of them is a supervisor. This past week four of the five days I worked I didn't even take a lunch. I worked through my lunch and left early. After seven hours we have to get off the clock. So I didn't have a choice. Instead of clocking back in an hour or so with the store open before having an hour with the store, I simply went on home. Don't get me wrong. I loved getting to leave early. That part was great. lol. Still, I do my writing while I'm on lunch. So I haven't really done any this week.

Things at home are never going to slow down. It's time to accept that. This pace isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Although I have dreamed about moving from this town. That would certainly cause things to slow down. Sadly it would cause other changes in my life I'm not sure I want to happen.

So that brings me to today. It's October 4th. Let me think. What does today mean? Hmmmmm. Oh I know.

*clears throat*
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to meeeeeee.
Happy birthday to me.

lol. That's right. Today is my birthday. One of my roommates already gave me something too. A carrot cake. I know. Some people might say that's not a traditional birthday cake. One, I know what I like, and I like carrot cake. My roommate knows that. Two, I am so not your traditional girl. *wink* Have a good night, well actually it's day now, BMR.
 
Thanks for the birthday wishes, both here and in private.

I'm sorry for the replies that I owe. Work has been tough lately. We are down to three people in my department. We have an opener, a closer, which is me by the way, and one other part-timer associate. That's it. We don't even have a supervisor right now. The department can run without one, but we need the person there to work. At one time, we had six associates. So to be operating at half capacity is hard. There are days I don't even get lunch. I work as long as company policy will allow me to be on the clock without clocking out, and when I clock out I go home. Normally I do my writing on my lunch. There have been times I take half of my lunch and leave early. I did that last night. Even on those days, I still try to make time to write. So when I don't take lunch at all, finding time to write is harder. By the time I get home, all I want to do is lie around and watch tv. By the way, I recommend Squid Games. It was actually pretty good. lol. It's a double-edged sword to me really. If I get lunch, then I can write, but I have to stay late. If I don't take lunch, I can come home early, but I can't write. I wish I could take a lunch, write, and still leave early, but it doesn't work that way. I can feel the toll of working with so few people though. There's too much to do, and I'm only one person. Last night I left with things I know I should have done, but I just don't have it in me to care to do it anymore. I'm burned out. It's a sad reality really. A lot of people get burned out there. When I first started I was so shiny and new. Shiny is how I refer to new people. Then I say, "it'll rub off", and it will. We had this one girl that started in our department once. I called her shiny. That was her nickname. She ended up being one of the best workers I've ever known. She was amazing and friendly. I miss her to this day. Being shiny never truly rubbed off of her. She had her days where she would come in and be quiet, or she had days where you could tell something was wrong. She still worked quietly. Last I heard she was working a better job. She deserves it. The girl they got to replace her is quiet. lol. Too quiet, but she's okay. She works. I came in yesterday and one of the three aisles in our department looked like a hot mess. Two or three carts with trash in them, two-quarter pallets with product on them, one full-sized pallet with boxes, and one big, metal cart of freight. The opener began telling me about that aisle before I went down it. lol. That's how bad it looked. I took the bull by the horn. We moved the freight cart to the side so it was out of the way. Next, we pulled the full-sized pallet out of the aisle so that it could be wrapped back up. Before we could wrap it back up though, we pulled four boxes and packed them out on the shelf, and we pulled another four boxes so that we could put them in the overhead. Putting there meant that when we ran out, we could pull those by hand instead of having to pull the entire pallet with a machine. Saves time and eliminates needing a driver and a matching. I think next was one cart of trash that went to the back. I think she took one as well. So it ended up being two carts. She took a 15-minute break, and I took one of the quarter pallets and packed out what was on it. There was room. So instead of having to find a driver and machine to put it up with, I put it on the floor. I had to go hunt for some plastic to wrap the full-sized pallet at this point. As I was starting to do so, she came back. I gave her a brief training lesson on how to properly wrap the pallet. So that left one-quarter pallet and the full-sized one still don't the floor. The other cart of trash went to the back. Then we were able to start working on the cart of freight. Whew. lol. Just to put how big this cart is in perspective think of it this way. I am 5' 6.5. This cart is slightly taller than me. lol. The weight of this cart is so much that in order to move a full cart, I can grab it, bend at the knees, and lean back to get it to start moving. I only managed to work the top half of it and even then some of it needs to be put in the overhead, as there isn't any room on the shelf for the product. Now if you've been shopping lately for spray paint, you may have noticed there isn't much. Yeah. We are no different. Suppliers simply can't send us the product. It's a nightmare really. We will be out of certain colors but have six boxes of another color plus the shelf is fully stocked as well. It makes no sense to me. *takes a deep breath* I did as much as I could with that aisle. Keep in mind I have two other aisles that I need to take care of, plus perform the closing duties, and take care of customers. So it's not like I can stand around all night. One aisle I took care of beautifully. The other? Well, there isn't much need to considering there is another metal cart of freight in the back with paint on it. That paint will go down the right side of the aisle. So why make that side look all pretty when there's product that still needs to go on the shelf? The other side? Well that shipment was suppose to be in yesterday. Yeah, and I have no idea how many pallets that will be. A full pallet of gallon sized paint cans can be over 40 cases, I think. A full size pallet of five gallons can be over 30 buckets I think. Soooooo. That may be coming in today. So now you know what I can look forward to when I get there, if it came in. *takes a deep breath* Keep in mind I still have closing duties plus customers. Factor in that most of my night I'm working alone in the department. The good news just keeps coming doesn't it? So I may get a quick lunch. I may get to come home early. I doubt it. lol. My job is wearing me down, burning me out. We need help. I did hear that they have hired a new girl, and she was there yesterday....during the day....training. Don't get me wrong. I hate training new people. So let her train during the day. Am I not good at my job? Well, not to toot my own horn, but most people will tell you I am the best over there. I hear people calling me the expert and the best we have over there. I tell them to stop, but toot toot. lol. Six years. I should know my stuff. lol.

Well this post went further than I thought it would. It's time for me to get out of here. The day waits for no one. I'll try to get some writing done when I can. Have a good day BMR.
 
Well, I killed my laptop last night. While playing a game, I lost my temper and punched it....a few times. So now the screen is pouting because it's broken. I do still have my old one, which is how I'm able to leave this entry. It works. It can be slow at times, but it works. Hopefully today I'll have a new one ordered. I'm upset because I did have a couple of replies written and saved on it. I have a friend who is tech savy. I'm going to see if he can tap into it, get my documents and photos off it, and dump them on an external hard drive that I have. I'm more dissappointed in myself than anything. I lost my temper and killed a computer that's not even a year old. Sure I can have the screen fixed, which I may do sometime next year, but what an idiot I was for doing that.

As mentioned above, I did have a couple of replies finished. If my friend can pull them from it for me, I'll get them and send them out. If not, I'll have to start over, and that's where the problem is. I haven't felt too inspired lately. I want to, more than anything I want to. I don't even have time to write at work. These days I'm taking 30 minutes lunches and running right back out to the floor. I'm tired and frustrated with work. I'm still getting frustrated with family as well. I'm also looking into another apartment. I found one that's an hour away. The price is 'doable', and I have family in the city it's in as well. My job will allow me to transfer there as well. So it's all lining up. It may be too good to be true. It may not. I have my reasons for not wanting to move that far away, but I also have my reasons for wanting to. If I do move that far away, I'll be able to have more of a life that's my own. My family won't be there wanting me to be there constantly. My mother, whom I love to death, is so co-dependent it's bad. My father, whom I do love, makes loving him so hard. He's grouchy, and he fusses. A lot. Getting away from them, being able to not be there all the time, will give me my life back. On my days off, I can do what I want. As it is now, I can do what I want before I go to work. and when I get home. I want more. Guess that makes me selfish. Maybe we all have a right to be a little selfish or even a lot.

I've lost some partners lately. Actually, more than that. I've lost some people that I thought were friends too. These are people I've known for a while, and some of them are people I've only known for a short time. They just disappear. Now I'm no better. I did that a while back. I went radio silent. There this one partner that let me know how he felt about it. Looking back on it, I'm glad he did. He deserved better than that. When you ghost on people, it leaves them wondering what they did wrong, even if they didn't do anything wrong, they still wonder. Believe me. I know. On that note, @BennyQ , you deserved better than I gave you. I could have spoken to you, told you I wasn't feeling writing, kept in touch, something, anything, but going radio silent on you was something you did not deserve. I apologize.

So on those words, it's time for me to be getting to my day. I do hope everybody is doing well. Have a good day BMR.
 
Losing your temper while playing games...I know that feeling. >.>

As far as writing goes, you know my position: Real Life always comes first. :) Hang in there, Andi.
 
I haven't written an entry in a little while. So why not write one now? This month has been busy. At work, we just had our yearly inventory count. If you have ever been inside a home depot, then you know the size of most stores. Imagine getting every item in that store ready to be counted. We have an inventory team that worked overnights putting labels on most of the boxes in the overheads. The bigger boxes have a bigger tag on them. So at the end of the day, so to speak, every box in the overhead has some kind of tag or label on it. They work for three weeks, I think, doing this. My department is only three aisles. I began tagging the overheads around the time the team began working. So by the time the team gets to my department, there isn't much left for them to do. I am meticulous when it comes to this. I was asked a few times to be on the team. I declined for my own personal reasons. So I used my powers for good to help. lol. Well, my entire department ends up helping, and we knock it out of the park. Our department was the readiest this year. As for the rest of the store, no. They were not ready. It was going to be bad. We have a supervisor in my department now. There is a whole other mess going on with that. Turns out her mother is the district manager. She was calling her mother the night before inventory telling her things. lol. Yes, I am nice to the supervisor. My mother didn't raise a dummy. lol. Of course, you play nice with the people in power or the people who are related to those in power. She's nice, don't get me wrong, but she's a weird one. lol.

Moving on, Thanksgiving is next week. There is already talk about my family being off. Me? I have to work. I am off the day of Thanksgiving. lol. That's retail for you. I want to get to my mom's house and help out in any way I can and watch The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I like to watch it. It's tradition. It ushers in Christmas as well for me. I start listening to Christmas music that day. I love Christmas music. Love it. Monday, my next day off, I will be helping my mom put up these inflatable Christmas decorations she bought. I helped her rake the leaves in her front yard yesterday on my day off. Today you can't tell it was even done. lol. My mom likes to burn the leaves in her firepit.

Thanksgiving, of course, leads into Christmas. I already have a shopping trip planned with my mom. She and I did go to The Southern Christmas Show. It's a big deal that happens in NC. We were unable to go last year. It was canceled. So it was great to get to go this year. I bought a few Christmas headbands. lol. After Thanksgiving, I wear one every day that I work. Light, jingle bells, I always wear something on my head. I will also try to play Christmas music in my department. It's not a popular decision with my co-workers. lol. I don't care. I love Christmas music. I have people tell me they won't come to paint after I start that.

As for rps, I think I owe every single one I'm doing a reply. Well, maybe not one. The group rp I'm in is one I'm struggling with. I feel a complete disconnect with it. I see a clear-cut, tight-knit group that is working on a plot that has, in effect, alienated and isolated a few of us. It reminds me of not being in the popular click in school. This is not the same as the first iteration of the rp that I enjoyed so much. So, if things do not improve, I may pull out of this one. Too much time, too much effort, is being put into a storyline that is cutting off others in the group. I feel like I'm outside the fishbowl, and I don't like being there. My time is limited, precious to me, and I don't want to spend it on a rp that I feel like I'm not a part of. So I keep my eyes on the group rp threads. If another one comes up that I'm interested in, I'm in.

Back to the work front, I have to go in today. *rolls eyes* I despise that. I would love to be off today. I'm already tired, and I haven't even gone in. The last day I worked, I didn't even get lunch. I worked 8 hours and left. I know that's not going to happen today though. Someone is supposed to be there with me.

I wonder if anybody here watches The Tiger King. lol. Have a good day BMR.
 
I'm going to be slowing down more so than usual. There is something going on in my personal life. It involves one of my roommates. He is making some choices in his life that I'm struggling with. It's causing this riff to come gaping between us, and to be honest, it's hard. It's hard to believe just one month ago things were fine, and now it's like it is. I feel bad. I hurt. I cry. I just need some time maybe. I don't know. Please give me some time. I'll try to get replies when I can. I don't have much drive to write. I'm sorry.
 
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