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A Niche in Time

If I could stop this cough, everything would be fine. That's the only thing going on. A stupid cough. Why oh why? It could be worse, and I dare not ask. You see, I'm a believer that if you ask, "how could this get any worse," or, "could this get any worse," it will. I learned my lesson a long time ago on that one. Keep your mouth shut. I'm still able to go to work and make it through my day. So that's a plus. I guess I'm just tired of getting coughs and feeling blah. Maybe it is time for summer weather. Then again, if I have a cough during the summer, it can be worse cause I'll get hot. lol.

Enough about that. Let's talk about you, you sexy BMR member. I do hope things are going well for whomever reads this. I know so many people are so busy. Here's hoping you at least have time to do whatever makes a happy you, and if you wanna chat, my pm box is always open. For those of you who know my Discord ID, it's always open too. Sure it says I'm busy with that angry red dot, but I always have it on. Tonight I even replied to a friend while I was at work. lol. Gotta say. That was cool. Had fun doing that.

Well, on that note, I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's 12:37am here. The day is done, and a new day is here. Technically. Have a good day BMR.
 
Well I woke up this morning feeling worse. You can hear how stuffy I am. I have to work today and tomorrow before I get one stinking day off. So many people around me are sick. I mean sick, sick, as in they went to the doctor to get meds for what they got. Both my parents are sick with the same thing for one thing. I was out to dinner with them Sunday night. Great. I'm stubborn. I don't like going to doctors. So I'll muddle through. That being said, when I get home, I'm not always in the mood to write. I just wanted to put that out there. So please don't think I'm abandoning again. That is so not the case. I'm just not feeling well. Have a good day BMR.
 
Oh. My. Gosh. I woke up this morning unable to breathe from one side of my nose. Oh I really sound sick. Yesterday I could get away with sounding normal. Not today. Oh no. There is no denying I'm sick. I at least hope the coughing slows down. I feel miserable. Am I still going to work today? You bet. Why? Because my company is heartless. If you do not have sick time to cover your hours, even with a doctor's note, you will still get in trouble. Yes. You read that right. Even with a doctor's note, you are not covered if you do not have the hours. So if you get sick, and you're going to be out for 3 days, you better hope you got the time. So if I went to the doctor, and he told me I had the flu, I would still have to go to work and hope that they sent me home. You see, if they send you home, it's not on you. It's on them, and you won't get in trouble. So as sick as I am, I still have to go. Now when you get in trouble, you get an occurrence. These stay on your record for 6 months. You can have 2, and they won't say a word to you. Once you hit 3, they call you into the office. You're put on a final at that point. That means if you get one more, you're fired. So basically 4 occurrences in 6 months, and you're fired. You get 4 hours of sick time a month. It takes 2 months for me to get one day. See how bad this works? Time and attendance is the number 1 reason we lose people. Currently I have 1 occurrence which falls off my record next month. Sadly our schedule is made out almost a month ahead of time. So if something comes up, and you can't find someone to switch with you, you can call out. They take your sick time. Let's say you have to work and only have enough sick time for half of your shift. They take that, AND you still get an occurrence. Like I said. Heartless. My co-worker has been sick the past 3 days. She had to go in and be sent home. Now if you call out 4 days in a row, that's a whole new ballgame. They put you on LOA, and you can not return until you have a doctor's note. Soooooo, now you know the inner workings of where I work at. It all feels so polictical to me. It's all about the money. They don't care about the people actually doing the work or interacting with the customers. Yeah. I'm there, mixing paint, spreading whatever I have to everyone. That's good business I tell you. Last night this family came in with their new baby. He was only a month old. I kept my distance.

Well at least after today I have a day off, and I don't plan on doing anything. I'm gonna get out of bed to take a hot shower and use the bathroom. That's it. lol. Have a good day BMR.
 
I have spent the day in bed. Still feel bad. I hate being sick. This really stinks. Have a good day BMR.
 
Woke up this morning actually able to breathe. Last night was kind of rough though. Coughed a bit. Here's hoping whatever this is, is close to being done. Today I have to go to work. It's day 1 of a 5 day stretch. At least I feel like I've got my energy back as well. Yesterday I was zapped. Today I'm ready to go.

On another note, I'm not going to call out any names or say what's going on. That's not my business to tell. I do want to say a special message to a partner, to a friend. I know you're dealing with something big, and I know it's weighing on your heart. You are certainly on my mind. Here's sending a big hug your way. Take care of yourself.

Have a g good day BMR!
 
Been a couple of days since I posted. So I thought why not. Still sick. I will be so glad to be well. Last night I slept okay, but the three night before that were not good. I had what I call coughing fits. They are not good. Still working. I have nasty habits that make it a necessary evil. For example, I enjoy have electricity, running water, and the internet. lol. Recently, thanks to my mom, I have found this amazing garlic butter. Omg. It's divine. Perfect for making grilled cheese. I love a good grilled cheese sandwich. So that's what I had for lunch, and that's what I'm having tomorrow. lol. It's cold here tonight. I like cold weather. There's cold weather, and then there's omg where are my long sleeves, if I spit it'll freeze before it hits the ground cold weather. Guess which one we're having? I'll give you a hint. I wouldn't go outside and spit. As I said, I'm still working. My boss wanted me to work on a project yesterday and today. I finished it up today. Yesterday I barely scratched the surface, but today, after about five hours of work, I had it almost finished. lol. I forgot one tiny thing that I can do tomorrow. Soooooo, that happened. Tomorrow I'm leaving early. They just don't know it yet, and I'm off Thursday. I'm actually off Saturday too. I don't get many Saturdays off. Well, not without a blood sacrifice or having sex with someone high up. Believe me, neither of those things happened, and I still got a Saturday off. Somebody somewhere must have screwed up. lol. That or I just got lucky. Speaking of getting lucky, my guy if off Thursday too. Don't think we'll get to see each other, but then again, who knows. He surprised the other night by showing up at my job, and he surprised me today. He's sweet like that. So I think that's the jist of what what's going on. I got a copy of IT chapter two. Haven't watched all of it yet. Something for tomorrow or Thursday perhaps. Have a good night BMR.
 
Every time I come onto BMR I see the chat window above. I kind of wish I could join in and just chat away. I remember when I did the chat room thing on other sites. lol. Fun times, and yet, I don't join in here. Silly I guess. I would like my word color to be pink. Pink is just such a perfect color. I love pink and black. I'm wearing black today. lol. My how this post is spiraling. Anyway, I think I'm coming down with a sore throat now. Being sick just keeps getting better and better. Still coughing. Nose is still congested, and now my throat wants to hurt. Yay. It's a party now. I have been sick for a while now. I can remember the exact date it started. The 12th. It was the night I went to dinner with my parents. On the way home, I started coughing. It just went downhill from there. I've got energy. So that's a plus. I don't feel like I'm dragging at work. I'd hate to have this and have to deal with that too.

Yesterday was bad. A couple of people seemed to have attitudes with me when I tried to talk to them. So when the second one showed his attitude, I had had enough. I showed mine back. He walked away from me. Not, it wasn't my guy. He's still okay. Why do people do that? Why is it when someone is speaking to them, and they don't like what they're hearing, or it's not what they agree with, or whatever their reason may be, do they feel the need to get an attitude? Does it make the situation better? No.

I have to go to work today, and today is paint day. See photo of paint in an above post for reference. Yeah. That's today. Idk how much paint we have today. Doesn't matter. It's too much. lol. I think I may have someone working with me tonight though. By that, I mean for the last half of my shift. That's fine though. She likes to work. I can get her to run the counter, and I can put up the paint. If it's slow, we can both put up the paint. Maybe tonight I'll take a picture of the paint aisle and show you guys where we have to put the paint when we put it up.

On another note, I am working on two projects with two people from this site. Yes, they are writing projects. My replies aren't as fast as I would like for them to be, but things are going along pretty good with these two. They both are very understanding and talented people to work with. I have known both of them for a while now. Before, when I was writing a lot and active on the site, I overloaded myself. I think there was a time when I had 20 something rps going at once. That, plus my life was just too much. Something had to give, and sadly it was my writing. I'm learning now that you can't put that much on yourself. As much as I would like to have more projects in the works, realistically I don't have the time. I barely have time for the two I'm doing now. Now when more time opens up, and it will later on this year I think, then maybe I could do more. In overloading myself, I burned my muse out. I've lost touch with people from this site, and I do not blame them. Let me say that again. I do not blame them. That's all on me. I shouldn't have gone radio silent for so long. For that, I apologize and am deeply saddened. You learn from your mistakes though. Life is always about learning. You stop learning when you stop breathing. It's that simple. I wear a pin on my apron at work. It's one they give out to new employees. It says 'In Training' on it. I tell my bosses I'm always learning. lol. Truth is the button is pink, and I thought it would be funny to wear it. There you have it. Nothing to why I'm wearing it really. Anyhow, I just wanted to say thank you to my two partners for your kindness, patience, and for sharing your talents with me. I am honored, and on that note, I want to try and get you both a reply tonight. I would do it now, but it's time to head out . Have a good day BMR.
 
Last night I was in the car with my mom. I had gotten off from work, and she wanted to go get some coffee. My mom loves coffee. She doesn't have a coffee pot, and she had her own reasons for that. So we were in the line at McDonalds. She had ordered two coffees with 3 creamers in each one. We had pulled away from ordering and were waiting. That's when we heard it. Shooting. It sounded like it was coming from over my right shoulder. She said my name and asked where it was coming from. I told her I didn't know. We heard a few more shots. Again she said my name. My heart was beating so fast. All in all, we heard 5 shots, I think. I don't know for sure. Before we got out of line, we saw a police officer go riding by. We don't know if someone called the police, and he was just checking out what had happened or not. I've never been that close to something like that. People in the line were just there. We heard the guy ordering behind us as if nothing had happened. Maybe I'm over-reacting. Probably am, but me? It scared the crap out of me. I kept thinking a bullet could come through that car. I couldn't freak out because then my mom might freak out. I felt like I had to be calm for her. I live in a small town, a small southern town. I know it's not perfect, and I know bad things happen in this town all the time. The difference is last night I was close to it. It's easy to know it's happening somewhere else to other people. It's different when it's close to home.
 
I missed my own anniversary here at BMR. lol. Women say men forget these things. Women can forget anniversaries as well. It's clear by the fact the 22nd had come and gone. I thought it was the 30ish. Well, as it is, my anniversary has come and gone. So still I will toot my horn for being here since 2014. My time has ebbed and flowed. Currently it's at a trickle. lol. Still I am here, and I want to continue to be so. I would like to thank all the people that have made my time here enjoyable. You have made it memorable.

I have to get to work today. Tomorrow night my evening should be free, as I don't have to work. I do have plans in the morning, but sometime in the afternoon my time will become my own. So I hope everyone has a good day. Have a good day BMR.
 
You've been at it 6 years, that's not nothing lass.

You're one of the old guard, leftover from a previous era or two. There's not that many of uys left like that these days.

The quality of your work reflects your status. You're second to none. Never let anyone else tell you otherwise.
 
Thank you Alvis. You are dear to me, far more so than words can express. Working with you has certainly been a highlight of my time here.

It's Saturday, and you know what that means. Nothing. Not a darn thing. lol. I still have to go to work today, BUT there is a silver lining. After today, I have three days off. Let me say that again. I have three days off. Yes! Sunday I have a birthday party I'm going to, and of course The Super Bowl. I care nothing for football. Honestly. The commericals are hilarious, getting together with family, the food, and the atmosphere are what I like. I pick a team, sometimes for a certain reason, and I hope they win. That's it. As for the food, I think we're gonna try to get some wings. Yes! Hot wings. I do love some good hot wings. I don't drink around certain family members. So that won't be happening. It's okay. I don't drink that much anymore anyway. Perhaps a bottle of wine would be nice when I get home though. Hmmmm. Anyway, Monday and Tuesday are leaving me with free evenings. Then after that, I'm working five days in a row. Yeah. I am paying for my three days off. lol. I know a lot of people work Monday-Friday, and that's five days, but you don't know five days in a row until you've done in a place like where I work. This is not sit behind a desk kind of work. In fact, I think that might bore me to tears to do that kind of work. This isn't office work. This is I've washed my hands and black water runs down the drain kind of work. lol. I get tint on my skin kind of work. I sit underneath a shelf that has gallons upon gallons of paint on it to clean a spill that happened under the shelf of paint. It was paint, of course that spilled, and that is a whole other kind of beast to clean up. The best part is I was alone, and people could literally see me under there, and they still asked if I could mix paint for them. I kid you not. People are thoughtless and clueless around here. My friend and I will tell each other when we 'win' for the day. By 'win' I mean the one who gets asked the dumbest question for the day. I literally had someone call and ask me if we sold spray paint in a can. Once a man asked me where the mailboxes were. No big deal right? He had one in a box under his arm. I get questions like this more than you think. People will ask me how much something costs, when the price tag is right there. I literally laughed while talking to a customer just this year. She was asking about paint that wasn't latex. She said she was allergic to it. So she was going to go with oil. No problem. I told her the price of one of them. She is beside me, and she says, "well shit". I started to tell her the price of the other one, and I lost it. I laughed. My co-worker, who was on the other side of me, walked off laughing too. The lady wasn't pleased with me, but I could not help it. Anyway, this is what I have to look forward, mingled with customers who are okay, and whatever other work they want me to do. I live by the philosophy that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission at work. So I do what I think works best, and if the managers don't like it, they tell me. Period. Only once has this backfired, and even then I don't think that's the right way to describe it. For as long as I can remember I have been putting left over orange buckets in a certain spot. Well when this new guy transferred to our store from Florida he didn't like how I had them done. I heard him talking to one of my co-workers about it. At one point during their conversation, I turned and gave him a look. That look was enough to keep him away from me for weeks. I mean literally. He wouldn't even call me on the phone. He called my manager to make sure I knew what I had to do. He would not call me, come over to me, or speak to me. He walked by the desk, and he waved. That was it. My co-worked told me she wished I could have seen the look on my face when I looked at him. It was enough to intimidate him to stay the heck away from me. He and I are okay now. In fact, he's got a great butt. I keep saying it would only take one time, and I would get him out of my system. lol. My co-workers are grossed out by that. They don't like him. Someone reminded me how great that worked out last time I said it. Let me see. It will be one year this April with him. *smile* One time became more than one time. lol. He is my date for Valentine's Day.

That opens up another can of worms. I hate Valentine's Day. I just think it's cheesy. Why do we need a special day to tell someone we love them or shower them with gifts? Any day can be Valentine's Day. These guys buy these stuffed bears and dancing animals that literally are going to be junk. They might sit on her bed or her dresser, but trust me, it's junk. I say that, and literally I have this bear on my dresser right now from a few years back. lol. Candy and flowers. Who cares? You eat the candy, and the flowers die. Yes jewelry lasts, but come on. Don't spend a bunch of cash on that. Something simple. My guy is doing something. I do not know what. He won't tell me. He says it's a surprise. I'm guessing it's just going to be going out to dinner, and you know what? I'm fine with that. He's not breaking the bank on it, and I get the most important thing. I get to see him, spend time with him, kiss him, tell him I love him, and hear him tell me he loves me. That's it. That's what I want. Stupid holiday. It's bad for some people who are alone. I had a customer once say it was remind him he was alone day. I just hate the holiday.

And on that note, I'm off to read a reply that someone dear to me left for me. I may even get out a quick one or two to another special person. Have a goody day BMR.
 
Men suck. Yep. I don't mean to offend anyone, but men suck. Men, here is a tip for you. When a woman is trying to talk to you, listen. Even if you don't really have the time, make time. Yes, we get that your life is important, but if she's talking to you, then it's important to her to. Maybe she just wants to spend some time with you. Maybe she's trying to share something with you. Whatever the reason, she made the choice to spend it or share her time with you. You're it. You're the one. She could have went to someone else, but no. She came to you. So listen.

Plus, if a woman tells you she doesn't like a female friend of yours', listen. In fact, don't just listen. Do something about it. If she tells you she won't tell you not to hang out with her or help her, but it bothers her that you do, listen. Act. Do something besides continuing to text her. Yes, it's petty as hell that she wants you to stop talking to the thing, but.

Wow. I was gonna type but do it anyway. How petty does that make me? I love him, and he loves me. He's told me he loves me too damn much to mess up what we have, and I'm jealous of a girl he barely texts. She's only really around when she doesn't have a boyfriend or she's not hanging around with a certain crowd. I feel pretty stupid now. My point still stands guys. If your girl, or any woman that cares for you, is talking to you, listen. Women may have lots of friends. We may talk a lot to a lot of people, and we may be the life of party. We can be popular or quiet. We can be outgoing or a recluse. There are so many sides to each and every one of us, and there are far too many types of women to name in a single journal entry. No two women are alike. One thing that I think stands true for all of us though. We don't share our secrets easily. We don't share our innermost thoughts with just anyone. So if we're talking to you, if we're making the choice to spend our time with you, then it's important to us. Whether you're the one we want to share a good time, find strength in a difficult time, or confide a deep secret we hide away from the rest of the world, it's important to us. So take that to heart and listen. Have a good night BMR.
 
Today the schools and offices are closing early here. Why? Because they are predicting terrible weather here. Storms are going to be passing through. Me? I'll be at work. lol. I've been there before when storms pass through. In the event of a tornado warning, they ask everyone in the building, including customers, to go to break room. There are no windows there. It's at the back of the building away from all the windows and doors in the building. We stay there until the tornado warning has passed. I've been at work before when the power went out. We have a back up generator, but once it didn't work properly. So the lights were flashing in the store. I have been in the store, the lights were off, and customers were honestly using their phones to look at paint colors. lol. This town is prepping for this weather. Personally I would be ok if the storm knocked out the power where I work at. lol. I could find something to do easily. I took it easy yesterday because I knew I would have someone working with me tonight. So if I wanted to do extra work then, I would have someone to watch the desk while I did what I wanted to do. I did some painting projects around the store. Actually I took pictures. I want to show the before and after on this one project I did. It wasn't dry when I left last night. So the picture I do have isn't as good as I want it to be. Today it's possible that the paint shipment will come in as well. For the past couple of weeks, it has come in on Thursday instead of Friday. I'm actually hoping it will come in today instead of tomorrow. I don't have help tomorrow night. I'm flying solo. So to have the help tonight would be great. Last week two single gallon cans hit the floor. That was a fun clean up. It took place under the shelves. Maybe I'll get under the shelves and take a picture so that you can see what it's like. There's an emergency alert message on the tv now. It's a tornado watch for the area I live in. I haven't even gotten to work yet. Please, everyone stay safe today. I know the bad weather may not be in your area. Still, stay safe. I can see the winds picking up. It isn't raining. I've been told what's coming is bad. I may make a post tonight when I get home if I'm not too tired. Have a good day BMR.
 
Okay. So I saw I had 666 posts, and I hate that number. So I made one more post to get it off of that. lol. It looks like the worst of the weather is going to go just over us. I'm sure we will get some rain, but I don't think it's going to be as bad as most think. Still, stay safe. Have a good day BMR.
 
Well it's Saturday again. You know what that means. Nothing. Absolutely nothing for me. I still have to work like most Saturdays. I work today and tomorrow. Normally I'm off on Mondays. Sometimes there's a glitch in the scheduling, and they will put me on for a Monday, but typically I'm off. It's not like I really get the day. Far from it. You see my mother is off on Mondays as well. I love my. She likes for me to come around. So I do. Please don't think I'm this good daughter. I have my reason for going. Being a good daughter isn't it.

The weather here has dipped back down into cold temps. It's 39 here. That.s 3.889 Celsius for those of you using that. For some of us here in the south, that's cold. Plus there's a chance of rain today. If that happens, then business could very well tank for the day. Saturdays are typically busy during the day up until a certain time. Then after that it's dead. Everyone has come out, bought what they need, and now they are either at home working on their projects or having fun. Sundays are a different beast. We are normally dead until around 12 to 1. That's when churches have let out. People either come straight from church or they go eat dinner first. I got a surprise at work last night. My guy showed up. He was suppose to go to work, but he had his reason for calling out. Instead he showed up at my job and stayed until it was time for me to leave. At which point, I climbed into his car and stayed out with him until....I'm not 100% of the time. It was between 11:30 and midnight when I got home, I think. lol. At one point, we were kissing and this one song was playing, and oh my gosh. It was so sweet.

Okay. Picture time. View attachment 20200206_163823.jpg No I do not know how to rotate these pics I post. So I apologize. That white spot on the floor is where the paint spilled last week, and I had to clean it up. There are two buckets stacked on top of each other right near the edge of the picture. If it was right side up, the buckets would be the ones near the bottom right. Okay so right in there is where I was sitting to clean this up. Now what you don't see in this picture is everything that is on the shelves above my heard. I did want to add more pictures, but I can't seem to do so at this time. So perhaps another time. It's kind of cool. You guys are seeing something that I can see everyday if I want to. My behind has sat on that floor cleaning up that mess. Now I know what you might be thinking. 'You didn't do a good job', and you know what? You're right. I didn't. I put down the powder, helped it absorb the paint, and swept up the dried paint and powder. Now if this had been on the main part of the floor, where people walk, I would have also mopped to try and get rid of as much of the white spot as possible. Most of the time, we can get it so you can't tell, or can barely tell, that paint was spilled. Sometimes a little remains, and it wears off. This? Oh no. This was not getting mopped. lol.

So there you have it. This is going to be my day. Work. Maybe my guy will show up again today. He is off today. Maybe he won't. We shall see. Have a good day BMR.
 
I wanted to post this before I went to work this morning, but I didn't have time. We got to see snow here yesterday. It wasn't for very long, and it didn't stick, but it was beautiful to see falling. Here in the south we don't see much snow. So of course it's a big deal to us when it happens. Messages go up on social media, people run out and buy milk and bread when snow is in the forecast, and for what? I haven't figured that one out yet. Even if we get snow that sticks, it's gone in a matter of days. Most people have enough bread and milk in their homes to last for a few days, if not for a week. So why the rush to buy it? That's not the point. The point is we got to see snow falling.

Today was another day of work. Sundays aren't so bad. I get off early. Of course I have to go in earlier, but it's worth it. I'm off tomorrow. Yay. Finally a day where I don't have to go in there. Have a good night BMR.
 
I am so tired today. This comes after a night of not sleeping well. Nights like those are the worst.

I was thinking about how things were in the beginning with my guy last night. Now today I find myself thinking about how things use to be in the beginning of my time here. It was so different. There was so much energy, so much life. I was excited, and I'm not saying I'm not excited about the rps that I have going on now. I am. Nothing ever stays the same. Feelings change. It's all part of life. Life itself changes things. I find there are a lot of strangers on the site to me now. Sure I see some of the old names I saw when I started here. I guess, in a sense, we're the old timers. Some names have left the site. There was this member that I still miss to this day. I have no idea what happened to him. We kept in contact after he left the site, and I knew what was going on in his life. I'm just going to leave it at that. I see names that I barely speak to anymore these days. They are names I use to consider myself close to. They are names of friends that seem more like strangers these days. Life happened. Things changed. I hate change. In real life, I have a hard time dealing with change. There are times it causes problems trying to deal with change. I settle into a routine, and when things change from that, it can be hard to accept. When my guy got his current job, it was so hard for me to accept. We had issues because of it. Now we're fine, but the change caused my feelings to change. Life changes things.

Well this post was sad. lol. Here's hoping you all have a happy day. Have a good day BMR.
 
Lots of love from down here, Andi! My inbox is always open if you want to chat.
 
The changing tides of time often cause people to drift apart. Sometimes it sucks, but the good thing about the sea is that it isn't always endless. You will find what you're looking for. The tides will return what you once had, friends will come and go, the tides will always shift. You're capable of shifting with it though.

Hope all is well, Nich.
 
Thank you gentlemen. Your words are kind and are something I shall think on.

Today the skies are cloudy. The wind is blowing. The temps are going to get fairly warm, far warmer than I care for, but showers are on the way. The winds of change are blowing them in. Funny thing about rain. It's a lot like snow. It washes everything. Snow leaves everything looking pristine, pure. Rain can leave everything looking dirty. It's all in the form the moisture takes as it falls. Frozen ice crystals blanket the earth in white. Water simply mixes with dirt and makes mud. On a more serious note, I'm hoping the rain holds off until I get to work at least. Bad weather can either kill business or bring it in. Honestly it doesn't make sense to me why it seems like people come out in that kind of weather. Oh I can understand why business dies sometimes in that kind of weather. To me, that makes sense. Rumor has it around work that the HR lady made a comment that the employees were, "dropping like flies". People may think that working there is easy. It's not. Then again, I'm sure most people would say that about the place they work at.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Personally I hate the holiday. Why do people need to wait for this day to tell someone they love them or show that they love them? Every day should be Valentine's Day. Flowers die. Candy gets eaten. Jewelry is expensive. Stuffed animals just sit around wherever they get placed. Cards end up in a drawer. I don't get it. Oh I have someone I can spend Valentine's Day with I so desire to. Interesting way to word that, isn't it. Why did I word it that way? Well, my guy and I are not seeing eye to eye on something right now. I could just sweep it under the rug and spend tomorrow with him. We both planned on doing that. We both asked off from our jobs. So we've got most of the day and evening that we could spend together. So why aren't we? It's complicated, and like I said, I could sweep it under the rug and spend the day with him. I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now we're not speaking to each other. So I'm not sure. Who knows. lol.

On another note, a rp I'm working on with the talented Alvis Alendran has been moved from pms to thread. It's a joy to be working with him once more. We have a history. lol. I also have 2 rps going on via Discord. The lovely ladydark does not disappoint. She is one of two people I have ever ventured to write with as a male character. The love stories she and I write are becoming epic. Those two characters have an undeniable chemistry. The other one is actually with a brand new partner. Tanakalian and I met on BMR, of course, and we have been chatting on Discord for a short time. So our rp has gotten off the ground, but it hasn't taken off yet. He is awaiting a reply from me, which I will get to him soon. Perhaps tonight or tomorrow. There is a time zone gap, but it's one we work with it. I keep them in my thoughts often. I wish only the best for them.


I think I'm going to go cook some pancakes. lol. Chocolate chip. Have a good day BMR.
 

View: https://youtu.be/u0aBf-iB1MY


While I can't fully agree with this song, in a sense, there are things about it I can relate to. lol. This past week was a nightmare, and today wasn't much better. Last Monday I was off. I typically am off on Mondays unless there's a problem with the scheduling. Anyway, when I woke up I wasn't feeling well. When word got out I wasn't feeling well, I knew they wouldn't be expecting me. All was okay. As the day went on, I started to feel better, so much so in fact that I could have gone to see my family. I decided not to. It's not that I don't love my family. I do. I just needed a day away from them. My family can be very trying. My mom is co-dependent on me, and my dad is the grouchiest man I have ever seen in my entire life. Most days I just ignore him, but every now and then he flares his attitude, looking for a fight, and I'm more than happy to accommodate. I digress. So the next day I go see my mom. Turns out she's leaving for work, and she's in such a hurry she can't even speak to me. I kid you not she was getting in her car and backing out of the driveway while I was still in it, but she couldn't even say hi. So here I am thinking she's mad because I didn't come see her the day before. Never mind the fact she was told I was sick. No. That didn't matter. She didn't even ask how I was, say hi, anything. Nothing. The next day she told me she was in a hurry. Okay. I'll buy that. That same day someone close to me went through something terrible. She called me in tears. I couldn't understand her some of the time she was crying so hard. I talked to her, tried to calm her down, make her feel better. The situation was resolved, and all was well again. During this something was said to me, and it bothered me. That's all I'm going to say on that. Okay. Let's keep going with the tour. At some point, my guy and I got into a misunderstanding. I said something, and he misunderstood it. It started a slew of messages from him. Some of them I wanted to answer. Others had me looking at my phone thinking why would I want to reply to a man who says that? That was on Wednesday. I think it was just after midnight, early Sunday before I spoke to him. I sent him a text that was simply his name. He replied with, "what dammit". Yeah. I said, "really? That's how you respond?" He said, "Yes when you don't talk to me for three days baby." I haven't heard a single word from him today. He wanted to come see me at my job yesterday on his way to his job. I told him he didn't have to. Things are strained to say the least. Now somewhere in there I was also fussed at from one of the store managers at my job. He thought I was just standing around with two other people. One of them is my bestie. The other is my department boss. She was showing what she wanted me to take care of that night. The last thing he said was not to get offended. Believe me. I got offended. Starting to see how my week had been crappy?

My defense mechanism is to shut down. If I don't do that, I run away. I am commitment phobic. I have baggage. My life is demanding. I have issues. lol. Publishing houses even. Still I try to help when I can and how I can. I go to work. I work hard. I'm the life of the party at work. One bright spot in all this has been this one guy at work. Well, he's kind of at work. He works with a team that has come in to put up new signs inside the building. He speaks to me every night. I never told him my name. It's written on my apron. So he must have been looking for it because he knows it. He's nice. Plus my bestie has been a joy to hang around with. I don't get what people expect from other people. You know you push someone long enough, hard enough, too far, and they break. That's common sense. The people in my life don't seem to get that concept. I've thought about moving away to get away from all that's around me here. That way I could have a life again. My life. Then I start to think that makes me selfish. At one time this week, people wanted me to get up at and get a small child, not even a year old, at 5:30am, keep him until about 9am, at which point I would then be taking care of him and his brother until time for me to go to work, where I would work until 10pm. This was going to my schedule Tuesday-Friday. I was made to feel guilty and selfish for saying no to this. Why? Because I wasn't doing what someone else wanted me to? It feels like every single person in my life wants something from me. Too much, too hard, too far. People tell me I need to put my foot down, I need to say no. I do say no to some things, but I know to pick my battles. I know that I rely on people as much as they rely on me. You tip the scales, you rock the boat, and things go south. So I keep the status quo. I tell myself it's not forever, and it won't be. I have until August this year. At that point, my mornings will free up, and the people I work with better be ready. lol. Now I may take a week to just revel in not having to do anything during the mornings, but then I want to turn my attention to writing more. As complicated and busy as my life is, I have always liked to write. That's why I wanted to get back into it again. I know right now I can't be as active as I once was, but I'm still here. I'm working to not ghost anyone. I'm working to be someone my partners can rely on. Thank you guys for your understanding and patience. You're the best.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I have some writing to do. Have a good night BMR.
 
Good morning BMR.

Yesterday I found out that a co-worker of mine found out he has cancer. They are starting radiation and chemo. It's scary to me that people can have this inside of them and not know it. He had a surgery a few months back when he had a blockage in his stomach. They repaired it, and he came back to work. I guess he may have been having problems. Maybe they found something at a check-up. I'm not sure. They were doing another surgery. Doctors had found a mass, and they were taking out his gall bladder. When they opened him up, they found the cancer. He and I were not close. We spoke in passing here and there. Still, he's a co-worker.

Today I am off from my job. So tonight I should have some free time. Should is always the key word. lol. Tomorrow they are calling for a slight chance of snow. Slight. I think it will be more like southern snow aka rain. I would like for it to happen. There's some glimmer of hope that it will happen, and in the interest of the safety of their employees, they will let us leave early before it gets bad. What can I say? I hoping for an early night. lol

Have a good day BMR.
 
Good afternoon BMR.

I hope everyone is staying comfortable today. Around here we're trying to stay warm. Temps are in the low 40/high 30s. So yeah. It's cold to us. Add to that the fact that it's raining. Starting to see the picture? They're calling for some snow. It won't even be an inch, but I joke around that if this town gets enough snow to make a footprint, it shuts down. People go nuts. They run out and buy up all the bread and milk. Again, I joke that this is crazy. It's not like they don't have enough food in their house to make it through a couple of days even if the snow is bad enough to keep people from going out, and why bread and milk? What are they going to do? Eat bread and drink milk? It's so silly to me. The cooler months are a southerner's reward for making it through the summers. So I'm glad to see it coming. It's suppose to start after I go to work. So I'll be keeping and eye on the situation there. We have two computers behind the paint counter, and one of them I can log into the weather with. I pull up a radar map, and it'll keep track of things for me. Last year I used that computer to pull up a live stream of the superbowl. lol.

Last night I made the choice to go out with my guy. It was late when I went, but I wanted to go. He and I haven't seen each other for a while, and this past week things have been strained with us. So we spent some time together. I believe that communication and spending time together are part of what makes for a good relationship. I'm not going to lie. Sex plays a part in that too. I know someone who thinks sex isn't everything, and that you can have a good relationship without it. That maybe true, but to me, it is a part of it. So we talked. I told him everything that had taken place this past week. Things are better between us now.

Anyways, stay safe everyone. Have a good day BMR.
 
It's been a little while since I wrote a journal entry. So I thought, 'why not today?' Yesterday was interesting at work. Seems our local cable company was doing some work near the edge area of our parking lot when they hit a water main. Gallons upon gallons of water spilled into our parking lot, basically flooding it in places. It was a mess, and it left a mess behind. Now we have orange mud mixed with rocks in our parking lot. Poetic if you think about it. Orange? Anyways this amount is not the type of amount of mud that one simply sweeps away with a broom or an ordinary pressure washer. No. No. This will require a street sweeper or people with shovels to get rid of this stuff. The parking lot now has areas taped off with caution tape. The store has no running water. That's another issue in and of itself. To me, the store should shut down until the water is back on. Why? Think about it. Yes, they brought in port-a-pottys, but how are the people, including the ones that work inside the store, suppose to wash their hands? Cashiers are going to be handing you money back, even people in my department hand the customers items we have touched. Literally everyone in that store uses their hands to work, and none of them are washing their hands. Shift the focus for a minute. What about sick customers coming in that I can't wash my hands after dealing with. The coronavirus is in North Carolina and Georgia, and I can't wash my hands after dealing with someone who is sick. Sure we have Lysol and Purell wipes, but nothing beats washing your hands. So yes, I think the store should shut down until running water is restored. It's just a matter of being sanitary.

In other news, my personal life is fine. I know it's not a matter of great importance. I know the world won't sleep better knowing this, but it is fine. I'm sitting here right now listening to the rain beat down on the roof. It's been raining on and off again for the past three days. I like the rain actually. I could live somewhere it rained most of the time. Around here, that doesn't make me popular. People here want hot weather with blue skies. They basically want beach weather all the time. That's fine with me as long as I'm actually at the beach. The beach is three hours away. So on an average day hot weather doesn't do a thing for me except help me sweat. My mood is a little off, in case you couldn't tell. I'm just tired I guess. My guy came to see me at my job yesterday when I was going to lunch. He wanted to spend that hour with me, which is fine. I haven't seen him in a little more than a week. Things feel different there. I don't think one can be in a good relationship without actually seeing the person more than once every week and a halfish. Had he not come by, and I not seen him until Saturday, it would have been two weeks. I just fear....I think....I'm falling out of love with him. Circumstances are making it happen. It is what it is I guess. If it does come to that, then at least I have my memories, and I hope he and I can still be friends. Wow. That sounds so cliché.

Cheers! Have a good day BMR.
 
It's been a while since I did a journal entry. It's 9:21am, and I'm yawning. lol. At the start of this week, something went on in my family, and it had my routine all out of sorts. Things are back to normal now, and believe me that's a welcomed thing. Never again will I complain because now I know things could always be harder than they are now. I've seen how. I've lived how, and two days were more than enough. lol.

Although there was something that happened this week that put a huge smile on my face. Honestly there have been a few things that have happened as of late that have put a huge smile on my face. I actually got a pm from someone inquiring about a rp. I won't give the username here, or anywhere else for that matter, out of respect for the privacy of the person that messaged me. It was amazing to get such a message. I, by far, know that I am not the best writer on this site. So to be noticed like that is always a high form of flattery for me. So, to this person, if you do read my journal, I want to publicly say thank you for that message. It brought me so much happiness. Something else that put a huge smile on my face recently was the response I got from a partner after sending my first post to our rp to him. I was elated over that. I'm always nervous about sending my work to anyone. Letting someone see something you've written is a very intimate thing. You're exposing part of yourself to them. You're opening up yourself to their critical eyes. It's not an easy thing what we do here. Writing alone is not an easy thing to do. To put that on display for someone to see is even harder. I am surprised most of the time when I get good feedback on something I've written. Most people are their own worst critic. Certainly I am no exception. I don't view my work as good all of the time. So to read that someone else did think it was good is a shock, and it makes me smile. It lets me know that I'm doing something right. I remember first starting out here, and there was this one rp I did in email with someone. He gave me some good feedback that I still take into account today. So no, not all feedback is good. lol. The point is you learn from it. So when I got this good feedback from this partner, I smiled. Last but certainly not least, chatting with another partner of mine from this site has certainly put a smile on my face lately. I could get spoiled from virtual hugs. I've also reached out to another partner of mine, one who is beyond understanding with the fact I'm not around that much, and she is still just as amazing as ever. Bluemoon really does have the best people in the world here.

Coronavirus. Certainly can't not mention that. It has reared it's ugly head here in the county I live in. We have one case still awaiting confirmation from the CDC here. She has tested positive at the DHEC clinic though. Am I worried? Yes. I'm human. Also I am starting my quarantine planning. Just in case. I have made lists and a calendar with menu ideas to help make sure I buy what I need. On my list in non food items as well. Toilet paper. Yes. I have that on my list. On the 21st I am going to Columbia SC, an hour away, to a wholesale warehouse. Some of the things on my list will be purchased there. My parents live close by, and my mom has already started buying things that she has in a freezer. Pizzas. She bought 7. So it's begun. I'd rather have these things and not need them than to need to them and not have them. My job has issued an email stating that if we contracted the virus to stay home. We will still get paid, and it will not count against us if we don't have the sick to cover being absent. That takes a world of concern off of people should they contract the virus. I hope everybody stays safe and healthy.

Have a good day BMR.
 
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