Lies hiding Truth (moon/lady)

he snorted a little, looking amused. "it is your fault you sleep in. if you went to bed at a normal time, maybe you'd be up in time for fresh coffee." he teased with a grin, dropping a kiss onto the top of Tony's forehead, like he often did, and left to entertain himself.

River smiled a little at the other. "you have to understand Tony. that the Iron Man personality is a false security. he is not cut off from you." he admitted. "he is you, after all. if he loves Tony, then you love Tony. if you want to fuck him then he wants to fuck him too. you are not separate from Iron Man and any decisions you make are entirely your own. your 'inability' to tel Steve the truth is simply you hiding behind Iron Man, it is not Iron Man keeping you from telling the truth. just as you lying now and saying you do not love him, is your decision to hide behind Iron Man, hide away your feelings. we both know you want to love him. i know that you already do. i also know that if you let yourself, you and Steve could have a very happy life together. you compliment each other very well. you teach him to let loose. he helps you to stay grounded. could you tell me of anyone else who would learn how to hit someone, just to make you happy? no matter that he likes it just as much as you do."
 
“I know....I’m not hiding!I want to tell him. I do. I just can’t!”Tony scowled angry and annoyed as he wrapped his arms around himself, his shoulders scrunched up around his ears, looking utterly lost. Because he really did want to tell, but his fear of trusting, of needing someone, allowing another person in, kept him from doing it. It was hard on the man because he wanted to tell but he knew it was his fear that kept him from doing so, and yet he couldn’t work around it. And he knew it wasn’t just because Steve was a emotional trigger for him, because h could tell no one that he was iron man, everyone who knew, knew by accident, by tony making a mistake and showing them, not actually telling them. “...No, No one else would have done that.”H sighed quietly, swallowing thickly. “I’m going to go work.”he grumbled heading for the door, because the man was hiding, and tired. He couldn’t function, and he wasn’t together enough to really work, but he couldn’t keep doing this either when it wasn’t helping. Well, it was, but not fast enough for a impatient man who was used to things working quickly for him. And tony, who was so very used to not understanding himself, understood he was having problems telling anyone because he was afraid, but so mentally blocked over the idea of telling steve the truth, that he'd been lying, that it left him with a emotional wall so big that tony wasn't even sure he'd be able to get through it. hoping that if he did, steve would forgive him. but he knew he wouldn't, which was what he really was afraid of. that if he managed to get himself to trust steve, that the other would turn away.
 
He snorted. "i'm not saying you have to tell him your Iron Man Tony." he stated simply. "take it one step at a time. first admit that you do want to tell him. then admit you love him. then tell him you like him back. you don't have to admit the full strength of your feelings, he knows how much trouble you have with emotions and he'll accept anything you feel ready to give him." he admitted. moving so fast he was a blur, settling in front of the door so Tony couldn't get out yet. "you can't work in this condition Tony, you'll blow yourself up." he admitted, shaking his head. "look at me." he ordered. "i know you aren't ready to tell him, and that is okay." he promised, gently setting a hand on Tony's face. "don't tell him if your not ready to. if he should find out before your ready to tell him i will explain to him, okay?" he asked with a soft smile. "there's nothing to be afraid of here Tony. Steve is your friend even if he wants to be more and he will always forgive you. especially for something like this." he promised. "now. tell me. how do you really feel about Steve? you do know he will go as slowly as you need when you start dating him, right?"
 
"Fine fine I can do that. I'm going to work though."tony said yelping as he was stoped staring at the other man,his shoulders hunched as he hugged himself before making a face."that's not much of a motivation to not work. I'm always at risk of blowing myself up."he pointed out. Growling before he looked at the other sighing quietly as he closed his eyes for a moment before looking at him."....okay. you can talk to him..if he finds out..."tony muttered still looking anxious at the idea."...no one is that forgiving...."he muttered sighing quietly before swallowing as he stared at the floor."...I li...im falling...I mean I want to Fuck him.badly."tony muttered about as close as he could to admitting he liked,maybe loved, steve. "...are you sure he would?"he frowned
 
River shook his head as the other hunched up. "it should be a motivation. you have a lot of friends now who would be very upset if you got hurt now." he admitted. "Steve, Clint, Phil, Bruce, even Natasha thinks very highly of you." he admitted. "they would all be upset nd worried if you blew yourself up, and that's just the people in the tower. Johnny, Thor, Faith, Rhodey, Happy, Pepper... Me. we'd all be sad if you got hurt. because we all love you." he admitted with a smile. "oh Tony. didn't Pepper and Rhodey forgive you? Steve is a very compassionate man. he'll be mad for a while of course, and upset but he'll understand and he will forgive you." he promised, smiling. "your lying to yourself again, but that's alright." he admitted. "you need to take your time, come to terms with the fact that you are falling in love with him." he admitted. "of course he would." he admitted. "he's already going very slowly for you, he wants this to work, and that means going at your speed, or holding you back if you go too fast. he's a good mate for you Tony, you just have to give him the chance."
 
“....”Tony stared twitching a little, because despite his words, and really how he acted in the lab sometimes, he 10 times more careful these days then he’d ever been before. “...Yea. Well. They yelled alot. And I’m fairly certain pepper’s plotting things like paperwork to punish me for not telling her, but I guess they did.”Tony muttered before whining a little at the other’s words, not ready to admit his lie to himself, before looking at the floor, staring down as he squirmed a little.”...Kay. I want to.give him a chance..”He muttered sighing quietly before frowning, “....Can I go now?”He muttered.
 
River smiled at him. "they only yelled because they where worried about you being in so much danger." he stated with a smile. "and Pepper always has plots for you to do more paperwork. they rarely work." he admitted with a chuckle before smiling at the other. "good." he praised before chuckling. "yes, you can go now. cause mayhem." he suggested. well aware Tony was just going to end up in Steve's rooms.

up in Steve's rooms, once Tony got there, he was met with a ver interesting sight. Steve Rogers was wearing a pink frilly apron, holding a spatula up to his mouth and was belting, at the top of his lungs the words to the song that was pumping out of the speakers Via Jarvis. "We're not gonna take it, No, we ain't gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore! We're not gonna take it, We'll fight the powers that be, No, we ain't gonna take it! Don't pick our destiny, We're not gonna take it anymore!!!.... T-Tony!" Steve squeaked, flushing bright red as the CD clicked and the 'It's Raining Men' started to play. "uh.... Jarvis has been teaching me about modern music..." he explained, flushing harder. "Jarvis turn that off!... Jarvis!" he sighed, realizing that Jarvis had just pranked him. "...i like this song..." he admitted to Tony, fidgeting as the song continued. "Jarvis!" the music clicked off.
 
“...I know.”Tony sighed a little rubbing a hand over his arms, tense and tired, before smirking. “They don’t work. I am amazing at getting rid of paperwork. Jarvis does it for me.”He snickered a little smiling as he left.

“...So I can see. It’s a good song. And for the Good Captain, I’m sure it’s always raining men.”Tony said moving further into the kitchen and edging around to his usual seat at the bar, settling onto the barstool, fingers absently tapping against the countertop. “What are you making?”He asked after a moment, because while he wanted to see the other, he really did need to work. Wondering if he could convince steve to leave the cooking for awhile and spend time in the lab.
 
he snorted. "probably a good thing that Jarvis does. no one can read your chicken scratch." he teased with a smile.

"....yes... well...." he rubbed the back of his head. "even if it is raining men i'm not touching them. who knows where they've been?" he wondered, smiling a little. "oh! i'm working with Meringue!" he admitted happily. "there's Pavlova, Meringues Chantilly, a Chocolate Meringues Pie, Mini Lemon Tarts with Meringues, Vanilla bean Meringues cookies, Strawberry Meringues Cupcakes and Meringues Macaroons with Baileys." he admitted, beaming at Tony. "i wanted a challenge." he admitted sulking. "it wasn't much of one. the last of the Meringues, a Mini Coffee Meringues kisses are just about done, so help yourself." he offered, letting the other see all the desserts piled up on the counter before he pulled out the tiny kisses shaped dusty brown meringues that where apparently coffee flavored. "i'm going to have to find something more challenging." he admitted with a sigh.
 
“Hm. You could ask. I’m sure it’d be a interesting story.”Tony teased a little, still feeling awkward and out of sorts, having no idea how to talk about why he was there, simply relaxing and trying to be normal. “....Sounds fun.”Tony said with slightly glazed eyes because cooking was so beyond him truly. “Thanks.”Tony said smilign as he snagged a cookie and started to eat it, squirming a little. “well....it’s not a cooking challenge but you know...”He sputtered a little to a stop, not quite sure how to have the relationship conversation, since you know, it’d always been pepper who’d had these conversations with him, or for him, depending if they’d been dating at the time or not.
 
".....not hardly. i'd probably be sick." he admitted with a chuckle. "well. not as fun as i anticipated, but entertaining enough. and now i know what i look like when you start jabbering about polythilon and alloys." he teased with a grin before blinking at Tony, his head tilted before he nodded. "you want me to help you with something?" he asked. "i'd be glad to if you need me to do some heavy lifting." something he'd done for Tony before. "oh...." he paused, staring at Tony for a moment before nodding, moving over to his Tablet and handing it to Tony. on it, was a electronic 'list'. a checklist, filled with all the kinks in the world for Tony to check and make notes on. the list included everything, good and bad. "i want you to fill this out." he admitted. "it'll give me a good baseline." he admitted, his eyes staring at Tony. "i want to do this right for you." he admitted. "even if it's only temporary." promising Tony that it was only what Tony wanted it to be.
 
“You do not. You start drooling and tempt me into poking you or something just to make you listen again.”Tony snickered a little, before tensing, his shoulders drawing up around his ears a little, looking oh so defensive and upset before shrugging. “I do have some lifting for you to do, but that’s not it...I...uh...wouldn’t mind...you know...trying that...sex thing relationship whatever....you wanted.”Tony said biting his lip staring down, looking so very lost on how to have this conversation. Taking the tablet with a look of curiousity, he tilted his head before nodding a little. “Okay...I’ll fill this out now then...”Tony said relaxing, realizing that the other was okay with doing whatever he needed. Fidgeting a little he smiled a little, “Okay....going to do this...”Tony muttered so distracted by filling it out, that he didn’t even remember he had work to do, simply moving into the living room and settling on the couch to do it.
 
he laughed. "i do TRY to pay attention, honestly i do, it's just that all the words and stuff i don't know make my rather poorly matched brain... uh... Short circuit? that's the right word right?" he asked, his head tilted before he blinked at the other. "Sex thing?" he asked, looking amused. "you make it sound as if i want to molest you while your sleeping... which, could be fun actually." he admitted, his head tilted. "okay. you do that." he agreed, happy that Tony wasn't protesting, filling out his own sheet, again. he'd done it once before but he wanted a copy to give to Tony and with more experience, he knew his answers on the thing had changed. "SCAT IS WHAT!?" He suddenly shrieked, mortified. "People actually DO That?!" he was in the living room suddenly, babbling at Tony that he was never, ever involving... poop, into a scene, EVER! it was never gonna happen! nuh uh! piss and poo belonged in a toilet! he was so worked u and horrified that people actually did stuff like that, that even Jarvis was laughing at him.
 
“I know, it’s quite adorable really.”Tony snickered a little before smiling. “You’re not poorly matched, simply not scientific inclined. Ask me to follow cooking or battle tactics and I’d be lost.”Tony snickered before nodding. “It is the right word.”He smiled before flushing brightly, “Yes, this sex thing.”he grumbled unhappy at being teased when it was already hard enough for him to talk about it, before smirking a little. “It could be fun.”He agreed as he settled on the couch, working on filling it out before blinking, looking up startled, and blinking slowly, for a long moment trying to figure out what the other was talking about. “....Yes people do that, and no we’re never doing that. I do have some limits you know.”he said tilting his head a little as he watched steve freak out, to startled and not quite sure how to calm the other down.
 
Steve grinned a little. "that's true. although, you go glossy faced when i talk about baseball too." he teased. "how anyone couldn't love baseball is beyond me, particularly when you own the team." he huffed with a chuckle. "i really should buy the Mets." he admitted offering the other a smile. "you go fill that out and i'll finish filling mine out too." he promised before wigging out. he stared at Tony's promise that they wouldn't be doing that and skulked back into the kitchen muttering about sicko's and perverts and why the hell would he ever put a diaper on Tony!? this list was stupid and he hated it and what the hell was CBT? good lord Jarvis he didn't need to know that! what did torture have to do with sex? why hadn't Johnny warned him about some of this stuff? holy Moly that looked fun! was his final declaration, over something called Wax Play before he fell silent again, focusing on his list with Jarvis's help. or that's what it looked like anyway.
 
“Hey, I like baseball. Just not as passionate about it as you. I’m not that bad about baseball.”Tony sulked a little, rolling his eyes.”You should buy the dodgers back from johnny.”He snickered. Looking amused as he watched steve sulk back to the kitchen, relaxing amused as he listened to the other before finishing his own list, holding it against his chest, looking nervous. Worried about what the other would want, worried that he wouldn’t be able to please steve. Biting his lip worriedly, staring at the floor as he edged back over to steve’s side, settling onto the barstool next to him, fidgety and nervous enough that he was starting to fall into subspace simply in a need to take care and please steve. At least steve could trust the list, it was what tony really wanted, it’d only been after he finished that he started worrying, and if steve really was concerned about anything tony asked for, he could always ask johnny."you okay?"He muttered looking over at the other
 
he huffed. "the Dodgers are traitors and i don't want them." he stated simply. "all done?" Steve asked, looking a bit nervous himself. "now. if there's something on my like list that you don't like, don't worry we don't have to do it." he promised, offering him the other tablet. Steve's hand was shaking, it was barely noticeable but it was there. he was just as nervous as Tony was, he just hid it better. "i'm okay, just a bit.. i've never done this before." he admitted. "i know we work well together but this seams a bit different. i'm not sure what happens if our lists don't mesh..." but they did. not perfectly, of course not, but all the most important things where the same and a lot of Tony's likes where things he could handle, or at least try. "one of the things on there that wasn't mentioned was... uhm.. would you be bothered if i drew you from time to time? while you where tied up or floating or something?" he asked, his head tilted.
 
"Yea I'm done."tony said looking at the other before nodding looking nervous as they switched."if they don't mesh...we'll go from there...maybe ask johnny for his help..."he muttered before letting out a relieved little sigh as he realized that while it wasn't a perfect mesh,the main things were the same. They woulsnt have to work around things to much,they could work with this. Slumping a little in relief he swallowed thickly."oh...i...you would want to?"tony said looking a little startled that steve would want to keep him under simply to draw before thinking back. Remembering vaguely the sense of steve drawing him when he was down the night before....remembering the feeling. Safe. Protected watched over."no I don't mind...just let me know when you're moving away to do it...I dislike being left alone so...no leaving of moving out of bed without telling me why.please."tony requested with a slight smile.
 
he nodded. "okay. Johnny's smart about things like this." he agreed with a smile. "it's not a perfect match, but i don't think that's possible." he admitted. "no one has a person who likes everything that they do." he admitted. "we can work with the things that are the same, and hen when we're more comfortable, we can try the things we're not sure of to see if there's anything more that we like, or will do for each other." he decided. "yea. i like drawing you." he admitted with a smile before blinking. "oh! that' why you where upset this morning? because i wasn't in bed with you?" he asked, his head tilted. "i'll remember that." he promised. "i didn't want to get up while you where still awake so i waited until you where asleep. but i'l make sure you know where i'm going to be instead." he promised. "anything else i should avoid?" he asked, pleased to see that Jarvis was typing down Tony's new instructions into the 'notes' part of the checklist.
 
"No you'll never have a perfect match simply because for the most part our kinks are developed shaped by what we experience,and no one reacts to things the same."he shrugged a little smiling slightly nodding."sounds good. We'll just figure out works out for us together."okay. Drawings fine then."he smiled a little before wincing,nodding a little."yea...I've had people leave me totally alone after. And...I don't settle well even after sleeping. So yea you can draw me,I'd prefer it being in bed,but if not, we'll just let me know."to y shrugged a little hating how needy it sounded but it was true he got even easier to upset if he'd been left on his own to come up by himself."...I don't mind ice,actually enjoy it but I can't deal with water or bathes or showering really, so no playing in water. I dont..."he swallowed sithing quietly biting his lip."do you know the term water boarding?"he muttered before sighing."what about you?should I know anything? I msan...I'm never dominate...but I tend to be even more submissive if you're upset with me,so I'd rather not have that happen..."
 
he nodded. "that's true, yeah." he agreed with a smile. "we'll be okay, and if we do have problems we can make Johnny fix them." he agreed with a grin before he scowled. ".... no one should ever be left alone when they're subbing out." he complained. "even i knew better than that before i even knew what BDSM was." he admitted before blinking at Tony. "i'm sorry you had to suffer like that." he admitted, sympathetic but not pitying. pity wouldn't solve anything and Tony was too strong for pity. "i think i could sit at the end of the bed and get a good profile view, if not i'll invest in some mirrors." Steve decided with a smile. "...no ice." Steve muttered, shuddering wildly. "no water." he agreed, watching Jarvis write that down as well before he gasped, head whipping around to stare at Tony. "they didn't!... they DID!" he hissed, horrified. "you got them all, right?" he asked, eyes burning. "none of them survived? if not because of you, then because Shield or Iron Man got them?" he demanded. "there's a couple of things..." he admitted. "the Ice is one. i can't... because i remember and thn i have flashbacks... no guns. not in he bedroom anyway. don't hold me down or tie me up..." he muttered, fidgeting a little, anxious just talking about it. "don't bring up anything from... before. not in bed anyway, i won't feel like having sex if you bring up Peggy or worse, Bucky." he admitted, running his hand through his hair. "uhm.... i've got it more or less under control but sneaking up on me isn't a good idea either. i tend to react before i realize who it is." he admitted grimacing. "i have a lot of issues i know, but... they don't usually cause many problems... promise."
 
“Hm, johnny’s good at fixing problems.”he snickered a little before wincing. “No they shouldn’t, me more then others since I did to get manic if left to come out on my own, but it happened.”Tony smiled a little, shrugging it away, simply glad the other’s wasn’t pitying him when he’d simply needed to tell the other. “That’s fine.”Tony smiled, pleased with the idea of mirrors or steve closeby, shivering a little at the idea of mirrors. “...No ice. Okay.”He said promising quietly, understanding immediately why. Wincing as the other turn to look at him, dropping his head to avoid the other’s eyes, nodding a little. “They did...with that stupid car battery running the magnet...I’m amazed they didn’t electrocute me really...”he muttered before nodding. “Iron man took care of them.”He said before nodding a little. “Okay. No ice or guns. Easy enough, don’t own any. And I have no desire to tie you up. No letting you tie me up, a whole other ballgame.”He teased a little trying to make the other relax before wincing, nodding a little. “Okay. No past talk, perfect for me.”Tony said, not because he didn’t want to know about steve from before, but because he really didn’t want to talk abotu howard, which he assumed steve would know.

“Hm, like everyone else then. I’ve learned not to sneak up on any of you.”Tony snickered before frowning, looking at the other. “You don’t have alot. Me...?Yea, I have alot.”He twitched a little staring down at the bar, going tense as he wrapped his arms around himself, simply closing down as he thought about what steve needed to know, but simply not able to say it. “....I’m not...well adjusted. There’s things....howard...did and said to me, that’s totally got me....”he trailed off looking for a good word. “fractured.”He said frowning because he didn’t want to drive the other away, but he also needed steve to understand just how much of a mess he was if he was going to get involved. “I’ve broken myself into to many pieces to simply...survive that I can’t....react well or appropriately to alot of things....”
 
he nodded. "i swear, i will never leave you when your in subspace barring actual life or death emergency and even then i'll find someone trustworthy to sit with you." he promised. "uhm... before i forget, i've heard references to contracts, to keep Doms from abusing their subs and make both parties a little more comfortable or whatnot. i'm not entirely sure what that is but if you want one, i'll have Johnny show me what to do." he promised. "...if i ever, ever find out they aren't dead, even one of them, i'll snap their necks myself." he hissed, furious before sobering, twisting his shirt a little as they talked about Ice. oh how he hated Ice. even New York Winters where a strain. "you don't own any guns? we're fixing that." Steve decided. "although.... considering your you, you probably have much more impressive weapons." he admitted. "never mind, use what you have." he decided before smiling at Tony. "yeah. n past talk." he agreed, shaking his head.

he had to laugh though. Tony had ninja feet, or was it cat's paws? either way he walked quiet an he'd made the mistake of sneaking up on one too many of the avengers, all of who attacked before realizing who it was they'd just punched in the face. "Tony. i was in a WAR. for a very long time. i have a LOT of issues." he assured the other, shaking his head. "i...." he paused, hesitated, looked as if he was trying to remember something. "i never liked Howard." he admitted finally. "i can't tell you why. it wasn't anything he did, not really but i just... i know he was... bad." he admitted, gently taking Tony's hand. "i know you suffered under him i know he hurt you, and hurt you bad. it's easy to see from the way you talk about him." he admitted. "i know he used me against you a lot." he admitted softly, stroking Tony's hand. "in any case, i already knew you don't have normal social behaviors." he admitted with a smile. "it's one of the reasons why i like you so much. you get so awkward that it's adorable." he admitted with a smile. "and i don't feel so alone when i realize that there are times when your just as lost as i am."
 
“Good.Thanks.”Tony smiled a little at the promise, before shaking his head. “No. It’s okay. I trust you, not only because you’re well....you, all good intentions and perfect,”Tony teased a little before growing serious,”A contract is mostly to keep me safe from shit like you pulled me out of the club in. Not...you. I trust you.”Tony muttered before smirking a little. “Hm, you and Iron have similar views on that then. You two can make a party out of it.”Tony snorted a little before making a face. “I do have more interesting toys in my bedroom then guns, and less likely to accidently injure myself with, or anything. Remind me, I’ll show you them sometime.”Tony snickered a little at steve’s words that indeed he did have more impressive toys to play with.

“Well, we’ll have alot of issues together then.”he muttered before relaxing, sighing quietly, relieved that he wasn’t going to have to fight steve over how he viewed his father. At least steve understood that he was bad for them both. “....I can’t....”He whined a little even as he let steve take his hand, leaning into the other, simply enjoying the touch. “I can’t...it’s not easy to talk about...and I’d really prefer not to....and he did. But that’s not anything about you, and everything with him being a bastard....though if I get uptight on you over something small to deal with being Cap or something, forgive me, I’ll get it out, it’s just...your a emotional tirgger for me, no matter how much I don’t want it to be, I still have my moments of howard induced problems with you.”Tony muttered staring down before twitching a little, blushing slightly at the other’s reasoning. “I am not that awkward.”he grumbled before sighing. “I really am lost most of the time....I should go get some work done though...”he muttered though he made no move to leave
 
he smiled a little. "okay. and while i'm full of good intentions i'm anything but perfect." he admitted before cocking his head tot he side. "you know, they got shut down?" he asked. "turns out three or four kids wandered in there on accident and got raped." he admitted. "Management turned a blind eye because of the high end clientele there and since they where... and i'm quoting here 'drunk, they could not be held accountable for their actions against a bunch of kids who instigated the situation'. which is total bullshit." he admitted before smiling at Tony. "congratulations, you brought down a crime ring." he admitted with a smile before snorting. "i'd rather not have a party over something like that." he admitted. "i'd like to see. maybe i could borrow some? i'm not technically licensed to own a gun..." he admitted with a sheepish grin. "so i'm not allowed to actually carry anything when i go jogging." he admitted.

"a lot of issues. but we'll help each other out, right?" he asked with a smile before shaking his head. "hey. hey easy. it's okay." Steve promised. "you don't have to. i promise. you have River, right? i know he's helping you even more than he's been helping me. if you don't want to talk to me about certain things, then you don't have to, okay?" he asked with a smile. "it's okay." he promised, stroking Tony's hair. "emotional trigger?" he asked, unfamiliar with that term. "never mind i'll ask River." he promised before grinning at him. "you are awkward, like a gangly puppy." he admitted, nuzzling the others neck. "Do you have to work? i was hoping we could... i dunno. watch a movie together, or take a nap... i feel like snuggling." he admitted, blushing brightly. "and i want to check your back and arms too, make sure they're healing properly."
 
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