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Save a horse, ride a Cowboy (Charliesweb7 & pnw2013)

He barely heard her knocking, but finally answered, "Huh? Oh! Yeah, sure, just give me a second." He stood up, and opened the door. There he saw her standing in the bedsheet. Without a word, he held up his clothes and offered them to her to change into while he waited on the couch. He walked over and sat down, hanging his head. This was easily the shittiest he's ever felt before.
 
Katherine took a step back, waiting for him to open the door. Once he did, she looked up to him. She shook her head at the clothes. But he went to the couch. She went over, taking a seat next to him. "Ben..." She whispered. "Don't think that me saying no meant I don't want to be intimate with you." She whispered. "I just... I think we both got caught in the moment was all. I think we are both...." She added, placing a hand on his thigh. "I honestly think because we know we are both virgins, we kind of want to have sex because it will mean a lot. And believe me. I want to have sex with you. But I didn't wait this long to lose it to a guy a barely knew. I mean, we technically only started dating today." She added to him. "I just think we were going too fast." She whispered to him. She wondered what he would tell her. "But I was enjoying it." She let him know.
 
He let out a stuttered sigh, almost like he was breathing or laughing at the same time. "You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that, Katherine." He told her, looking up at her. "When you told me no, I...I panicked. I thought I had screwed up somehow, I thought you were pissed at me or disgusted by me. So I ran."

He stopped for a moment..."That's how I used to solve my problems before football, you know. I wasn't always the big buff meathead you see right here. Before middle school, I was pretty scrawny, and I really didn't like confrontation. So whenever I got bullied by some of the bigger kids, I would run off. I never stood up for myself, I never confronted anything. And whenever I'm around you, I feel like a kid again, both good and bad. Hurting you or your feelings terrifies me to the point where I can't do anything but run away. I don't know what to do, so I run away. And I hate it." He leaned back against the couch.

"I hate it, because that's what I'm most afraid of. I'm afraid of you gettin hurt, afraid that I'm not strong enough or tough enough to protect you." He could feel himself getting a lump in his throat. "I know how bad it sounds: I'm terrified of being close to you. But that's the exact opposite. I love being with you, and spending every second with you is worth the anxiety I feel around you." He stared off into space, ranting. "I probably sound like a pathetic, lonely loser, don't I? I know I do." He mused, "I don't deserve to be yours. I want you to have the absolute best I can offer, but the thing is...I don't think I can.

"I'm not experienced enough or know you well enough to make sure you are never anything but happy. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with this new goal, but for a long time, I've had feelings for you. I've wanted to make this the best I could for you, even knowing how much you hate it here." He stopped for a long time, his head hanging once more. "I want to make this perfect for you, so that...so that you might...," he stammered, "well, want to...want to stay. I want to be perfect so that you don't leave and I don't feel lonely again."

He turned away from her, the lump getting larger. He could feel a tear start falling in his eye.
 
"No, I am not disgusted at all Ben. I just see that you got caught up in the moment was all, just trying to see what you could experience. I would have been upset if you had pushed after I said no." She replied to him. She listened to his whole rant once he started. It was a lot to deal with honestly. It was a lot of deep emotional issues he had. She wasn't exactly sure what to think of. Or say for that matter.

"Ben, I am sorry that you had some terrible times." She replied. She didn't per say have a "bully"...just some backstabbing friends. But honestly, every girl had those problems. Girls were bitches honestly. Really. That is why Katherine liked having guy friends less drama. They wouldn't stab her in the back. "But Ben, I am sorry that intimidate you so much. I am just a normal girl." She replied to him softly.

"You don't sound like a loser to me. You just sound like someone who doesn't have confidence. That is all. I don't know where you got the idea that I am not happy with you. I mean sure, when I came here I acted like nothing was good. But that was me being a spoiled little bitch who was not wanting to accept this big change in my life. I was pouting because I was being punished. But since then...things have been great. I have been spending time with you and I am enjoying it. The laughing and all." She told him. "I want you to feel like you want to be with me. That you are good enough for me. Because I don't see it as you are unworthy of me." She added. She never thought she was 'unworthy' of Ben at least. It was more or less her feeling like she was maybe corrupting him a bit.

She frowned and then looked down at her lap. "Experience has nothing to do with it. There are plenty of guys that have been around the block several times. But they couldn't treat me right. You are making me happy and I don't understand why you would ever think I was not happy with you." She added. She swallowed and felt her heart sink a bit. "Ben...this is the exact reason why I was scared of us being together. Because I knew that at the end of this...we were going to have deep feelings. And then I was going to leave. I want to be with you...but school and swimming is not something I am ready to give up. And I know you wouldn't want to come with me...." She added. She looked up, entering her hand and lightly placing it on his cheek.
 
He placed his hand on hers, pressing it against his skin. He loved her soft touch.

"It's not that you intimidate me," he corrected her, "you just make me feel things I haven't felt for a very long time."I'm sorry for everything. Getting close to you was just a mistake. You're right, you are going to be leaving soon anyway, why did I think that maybe we could've been together?" He tried not to sound pouty, but he didn't know how, "We live in two different worlds, and I really doubt that either of us would give up what we've built our lives around, just for the other."

He grabbed her hand and removed it from his face, still holding it is his hands. "But thank you for saying that. It makes me happier than you know to hear you say you enjoy being around me." He smiled weakly, "You...make me happier than you know." He kissed her sweetly, and stood up. "If it's all the same to you, I'd like a bit of time to think. It's a lot to process, maybe a few days. I think we both ought to get some sleep." He headed downstairs, flicked on the light, removed his sheets, remade his bed, and settled in for a long nights' sleep.
 
Katherine sighed when he spoke. "I don't think it was a mistake." She let him know. When he replied, she looked down. He would have to give up his ways for her. And she knew that wouldn't work. He was asking so much from her. To not go to college...and give up a scholarship and her dreams...For him, he could work anywhere really.

She looked at him as he removed her hand and then kissed her. And with that, he just left again. The more he did that, the more confused she became. She always felt like that was leaving her and never letting her speak. She frowned and sat there on the couch for a while. She knew this was over. And it made all of this even worse. She had gotten naked...let him touch her and they were going to break up. That special thing she had been saving for a guy....was gone. She headed downstairs a while later, her being quiet. She lightly changed back into her clothes, settling into her bed as quietly as she could. But sleep seemed to elude her for a long time. She just couldn't get comfortable and eventually, after almost two hours, she eventually drifted off.
 
Ben cried quietly as he heard Katherine walk down the stairs, and turned away from her so she wouldn't see. He had to end it, for her. He knew he was going nowhere compared to her. She had such dreams and aspirations, and he knew his place was on the farm. He dared not ask her to give up everything she loved, just so they wouldn't break up. He couldn't. He refused to be the one to hold her back. He fell asleep fairly easily, all things considered.

The next morning was a different story. He felt strange, not having the energy to get out of bed. As he awoke, he simply laid there for a long time. He tossed and turned, and checked his phone. It was almost noon, he was never in bed this late! But what did he care? He just lost the greatest thing in his life, because he wants to wallow in self-pity. He curled up his blanket and tried to sleep the day away.
 
Katherine woke up around 8 or so, her a little confused. Ben wasn't waking her up....what was going on? She got up, looking around. She peeked into his side, seeing that he was still asleep. She had no idea what was going on. She sighed and changed, heading upstairs. She ate breakfast, then cleaning up after herself. She had no idea if Ben had fed the animals. But looking outside seemed that their food was untouched, so she did the work. She even washed down the machinery, hoping that was what she needed to do. She felt rather bad today. She was still hating herself really.
 
He finally got up and slowly changed. He didn't bother eating, he wasn't feeling very hungry. He slumped out to start on his chores. He made his way towards the barn, and saw that the equipment was already cleaned, for the most part. He also noticed that the animals' troughs were filled.

Goddammit, she already finished his chores, he assumed. Now not only are they broken up, but now she thinks that he pawned off all the chores on her. He walked back to the house, slowly and without purpose. As he opened the door, he called for her. "You didn't have to do the chores all by yourself, you know!" He yelled into an empty house. Everything he did, he hated himself for it. He couldn't do anything right.
 
Katherine was inside for noes, unsure of what else to do. By this time, she was in the chicken and making something more for the salad. She heard Ben's voice, going into the living room now. "Well, I saw that you were asleep so I went ahead and did them. Want some food?" She asked. Everything had changed now. She felt so....out of place. Like she didn't belong there. Maybe she should call her father and ask him to come home? She had learned her lesson by now. And Ben probably wanted her gone as well. Then he wouldn't have to see her. Yeah...she should call her father tonight.
 
He felt very awkward talking to her now. He mumbled, "Yeah, thanks." He went to the fridge, but nothing appetized him. He really had no appetite, so he closed the door and lingered. He heard the phone ring, and answered, "Hello? Oh, hi Mom." His mother had called to tell him that they were heading back to the farm, and his sister was coming with them. Being the summer, she had no classes and wanted to spend some time with family. "Oh, that's really cool. I'll see you guys in a little while, then. Love you, bye." He hung up and relayed the information to Katherine. He hadn't seen his sister in a long time, he was actually looking forward to see in her again.
 
Katherine was only making a light lunch. She had a feeling that his parents were coming back. And she wanted to make a good impression by cooking them all dinner. And she looked to Ben when he said that they would be home. "Oh good." She replied. She finished up making a small sandwich, then sitting down at the table. She had left him the other half of the sandwich and some salad as well.
 
He have her a half-smile, barely nibbling at his food. He had no more than three bites before he packaged the rest. He went to clean dishes, trying to find something to bide his time until his family showed up. He started doing menial housework: dusting, washing clothes, making the beds, anything to dull his mind. He tried to make conversation with Katherine, "So, I think you'd really like my sister. You two are pretty similar."
 
Once she was done, she got up and washed her plates. She looked back to Ben when he spoke. "Oh really? How so?" She asked. Was that a good or bad thing? Hopefully they didn't look similar and he wanted to fuck his sister. That was some deep seeded issues there then. "So I was thinking of cooking some mexican food tonight. Sound good?" She asked. "I want to make it so that you enjoy your sister coming home." She added.
 
He elaborated, "You two have similar personalities. Plus you both want to be in the medical field. She's studying to be a veterinarian. I think you both would have plenty to talk about." He emptied the dryer after it had finished it's cycle, and loaded it with wet clothes. He folded the dry clothes as he spoke, "That sounds great. Do you want any help?" For the first time, he felt obligated to help her, instead of happily volunteering. "I'm pretty sure she'd enjoy it, she tells us the food on campus sucks."
 
Interesting.....similar personalities. She nodded her head and looked to him. "I bet we can talk about some stuff." She replied. She must be at the end of her degree then. She looked to him and then nodded her head. "Sure if you would like to help me. If not, I can do it myself." She replied. She was thinking tacos and enchiladas. That sounded good to her. And easy to make.
 
He helped her prepare the enchiladas. He mindlessly assembled the ingredients. He occasionally asked her what to do next, but was silent for most of the preparation. He knew how weird it must've been for the two of them, or at least he felt it was weird. He didn't know how to make conversation after they had just broken up. "So what do I so now?" He asked her, about halfway done with the enchiladas.
 
Katherine showed him the way that she prepared them, letting him follow. She started making the tacos, looking back to him. "Just if you could finish that. That is all." She replied, browning the ground beef. Yes, it was time for her to leave. She needed to go back home. She had a feeling her father would pick her up tomorrow.
 
As they were preparing the food, Ben's parents opened the door. Shortly behind them followed Krista, and Ben ran up to hug her. He was close with his sister, and they had rarely been around each other at all as of late. It was good to see her again. He noticed that she was giving Katherine a curious look, and she spoke, "Well, well, well, who is this cute girl hiding in the kitchen?" She remarked. Ben blushed slightly and introduced her to Katherine. "Krista, this is Katherine. She's
Been staying with us for a few weeks now."
 
They were quiet, her going about cooking. Not too long later, his parents opened the door. She had finished the filling, just needed to get all of the fixings. She smiled when Krista came in. "Hello Krista." She replied, shaking her hand. "Nice to finally meet you. Ben has been so excited you were coming home." She replied.
 
Krista smiled back, "I don't see why, I figured he would want as much time alone with you as possible." She joked, elbowing him in the arm. Ben laughed along apprehensively, knowing she was much too right. His father interrupted, asking him, "So did you finish your chores like we asked?" Ben confirmed that they had, and was given a stern look. "If that's the case, then why is the tractor still outside, where it can rust, instead of put away like I asked?" Ben was frozen, he didn't remember leaving it outside. His father said impatiently, "Go outside and check if there's any rust. Then put it away on the garage, so I don't have to ask you a third time. And if there's any rust on it, you are going to clean it again. You know I don't like rusty equipment."

Ben nodded to him and rushed out, doing as his father asked him.
 
Katherine laughed a bit. Sure.... Krista hit it right on the nose. She looked to Ben as his father got mad at him. "Sir, that is my fault. I pulled it out to clean while Ben was cleaning another piece of equipment. I forgot to put it back in. I am very sorry." She replied. She watched as Ben rushed out then. She put the enchiladas into the oven and then started chopping up other things.
 
Ben's father gave her the same stern look he was given. He walked up close and looked down at her. He whispered in an intimidating voice, "In that case, you should really pay more attention. Everything I told him applies to you as well. You may be a guest here, but you were sent here for a reason." He went to sit in his chair, casually remarking, "The food smells good, by the way." Krista came up after him and brought her in closely. "Don't worry about him," she comforted, "he's just a crabby old coot. He gets anal about certain things, it's just how he is. Other than that, he's not an evil old man like Ben's told you, I'm sure." He whispered, "Ben's just a big crybaby." Krista was quite peppy, unusual after such a long drive. "So, how long before you two fucked?" She was also quite blunt.
 
Katherine cowered a bit. She hated being threatened like that. "Yes Sir. I am very sorry." She replied. She started spooning sour cream into a small container. She just nodded her head to Krista, just barely listening. She then looked to her when she spoke. "Excuse me?" She whispered. Why did she think that Ben and her had slept together? She felt her heart racing faster.
 
She smirked at her. "C'mon, give me a little credit. I'm not so naive that I don't assume you two don't try to bang whenever the adults are out of the house. I know exactly what you guys are thinking, because I thought the exact same things. Besides, who isn't going to assume that Ben didn't try to get into your pants at least once?" Krista reached for the hot sauce and placed it beside her. "If you don't want to tell me, it's whatever. I'm just messing with you." She giggled to herself as she started towards the couch.

Ben had finally come back from moving the tractor, and was fairly cold and wet. It had started pouring rain while they were inside, and he forgot to grab a raincoat or an umbrella. His father merely snickered, "Should've put it away sooner, and you wouldn't have had to do it in the rain."
 
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