Faith

he bit his lip hard, tears welling up in his eyes as he studied her. “what if... I want to try something... and I can't, because I keep remembering?” he asked softly. “what...” he looked down, ashamed. “what if I like Loki more than I should, and I can't...” he hid his face in his hands, he knew suddenly that he was gay, and that he really, really wanted Loki. But he was scared, so scared that he wasn't going to be able to.... function, with Loki, wouldn't be able to... “i'm scared Kat... I don't have any idea what I'm doing.” he whispered softly. “i... I don't even know... even if I want to.. I don't know if I CAN...”
 
Kat sighed softly making him sit down, crouching down in front of him, holdin his hands in hers. Looking pained, years of brightwood showing in shadowed eyes before she smiled."He hasn't had a steady boyfriend or lover in years. He might want sex, but he's perfectly capable of being happy without.He likes YOU draco, not the available dick."She smiled softly."Ask him for lessons then.He'll enjoy teaching you."She teased a little, stroking his hair, turning her head to look at harry, her face going soft in that way it always did around him.Years of abuse melting away from her in the face of being in love. With anyone else, she'd probably run screaming at the idea of having sex, but she wanted harry, and that made all the difference in the world. And she was sure that it would be the same for draco.
 
Draco sniffled a little, watching her look at Harry and feeling a deep rush of WANT and he suddenly understood why he had thought he had wanted Kat... he hadn't wanted her at all, he'd wanted what she had, the love she and Harry shared. “i... I'll try.” he decided smiling as he kissed her forehead. “thanks kat.” he muttered softly, nuzzling her gently. “don't tell Loki I was here.” he ordered smiling as he vanished with a crack, a bare minute before Loki arrived, heading out to the muggle world to get the weed, a good amount of it, already rolled and ready to smoke before heading back to Kat's house, shaking his head. “this stuff is a pain in the ASS to get.” he complained, blushing as he looked at Loki. “i...er... so uhm,... are we ready to give her the potion? We should do it during the day so we can all help make her comfortable, we'll send Hermione and Blaise out with the kids, so they won't get scared.” he decided, Hermione nodding. “that's a good idea dray.” Hermione agreed with a small smile. “we where just adding Harry's blood to the potion, he freaked out at the sight of the needle.” she admitted watching Kat gently stroking Harry's hair, his face buried in her shoulder, his hand in Loki's, the other ready to prick Harry's finger. “i wish I understood why he is so afraid of sharp things, he still hasn't explained that...”
 
"Kat?" "What?It's not like he's scared a phallic and sharp things.He has one, cant be scared of it."Kat said sounding grouchy and scared as she stroked Harry's hair. Seeing Harry scared over something made her even more scared then she already was. Loki smiled tilting his head at Harry, smirking a little."Draco wants to see you naked potter. Covered in chocolate to."He said waiting for the shocked look before pricking the other's finger, sighing as the few drops of blood dropped into the potion. Looking at Kat, "Now go lay down You're not going to want to be standing when you take that. It's like swallowing liquid lightening."
 
Harry whipped his head over to look at Loki with wide eyes, his mouth open in horror at the thought of Draco wanting to do that with him that he didn't even realize that the sharp thing was gone and it was all over. He paused and looked at his finger and the bead of blood his eyes widening before he passed out at the sight of his blood, Draco blinking in astonishment. “well... now we know why he's afraid of sharp things... he's scared of BLOOD!” Draco stated gently picking Harry up. “come on Kat. We'll take care of Harry before we give you the potion.” he promised heading upstairs and laying Harry on the bed with a small smile Hermione following. “well that makes sense... after the war... there was a lot of blood.” she admitted shaking her head. “it could be a simple psychological response.” she admitted smiling at Kat. “now that you know whats wrong you can help him get over it, once you feel better.” she admitted patting Kat's shoulder gently. “oh, and if ANYONE, EVER says that I want to see potter Naked again for ANY reason I WILL curse you until you own mothers won't recognize you.” Draco growled as Harry blinked away and looked at his finger, which was healed and blood free.
 
Loki pouted looking at Draco as Kat settled into the bed,"But Draco it distracted him."He whined softly looking amused. Kat laughed quietly as she crawled into bed, settling easily looking nervous as she took the potion from loki."Well...here we go."she muttered staring at the potion before swallowing it down, coughing as she did. Loki was right it felt like swallowing liquid lightening as it felt like a physical reaction to it. Whimpering quietly as she laid down, though that was her own reaction to something that usually had people sreaming. "Damn you,scream."Loki growled watching fine lines appear near her eyes as she shut her eyes as she struggled not to, a fine trail of tears falling from closed eyes."No."She growled refusing to scare harry. That was her only goal, not to scare harry.
 
Draco scowled again and then huffed, tossing his nose in the air watching with growing worry as Harry fretted more and more about how much Kat was in pain, grabbing her chin suddenly, his green eyes firm and determined as he stared at her for a moment. “Kat screams.” Harry ordered firmly. “Harry Fine, Kat screams.” he ordered, giving her a firm shake to break her concentration so she would scream, it was bad to hold it in, she needed to scream. “how long until we can try the weed?” Draco asked nervously, not enjoying seeing Kat in so much pain. It shocked him to see just how strong she was.
 
Kat yelped as she was shook, slamming into harry's chest, soon enough the muffled screams shook her small frame as she clung to him. Loki swallowed hard hating to see her in so much pain."Give it to her. She should be okay now..."He said looking worried as he watched Draco light the joint and passing it over. Smiling relieved as Kat's eyes glazed slightly and the only thing she said was the soft whimpers as she cuddled against harry's chest
 
Harry yelped as he was slammed into, well aware he was going to have a face shaped bruise later, but he didn't care as he gently stroked her hair, looking shocked at the sight of the joint his head tilted as he watched Kat relaxing so she wasn't in so much pain, Draco turning away from her, unable to watch now that she wasn't screaming, pressing his face into Loki's chest, shaking but unwilling to let anyone know he was crying at her pain, Harry gently braiding Kat's hair since she liked it so much, gently kissing her now and then to try and keep her calm. He could feel his magic flowing easily into her, and it was almost a nice feeling, after so long not using his magic, it was nice to have all that bottled energy being put to use, or at least leaving his body. “how many times is she going to have to do that?” Draco asked in a soft whisper looking up at Loki, the tears clinging to his lashes, making him look even more feminine and pretty than he usually did.
 
Kat sighed gently nuzzling draco as she rested her head on his chest, shivering a little as she closed her eyes. Relaxing under his hands as he stroked her. Loki wined a little kissing Draco's head, leading him into the hallway and shutting the door, giving Kat and Harry some privacy, knowing Kat wouldn't break all the way down if someone else besides harry was there."Twice a week for the next month...then once a week for two weeks, tehn she'll be done."He said gently kissing Draco's forehead, stroking the soft blond hair."She'll be fine Draco. I promise."
 
he shook his head. “i... I don't know if I can see her go through that again.” he admitted softly, still snuggled into Loki, refusing to leave the man's warm body. “but... twice a week... that four times... then two more... that's only six potions.” he muttered softly. “she's strong enough to survive that.” he decided, calm now that Kat wasn't screaming and crying, sighing a little. “Loki?” he asked softly. “i... I think...” he closed his eyes. “i think I might like you.” he admitted softly, sounding nervous, almost afraid. “but I... after everything... that happened during the war I... I don't know if I can do any of the things, that I want to do with you.” he admitted softly. “i like you... a lot but...” he looked up at the other. “will you hate me, if we can't fuck?” despite Kat promising Loki would be ok with it, he had to make sure.
 
Loki smirked a little kissing the other's head."If I need something to fuck, there's always my hand."He muttered looking amused, wanting to see him laugh a little."Seriously though, I'll be okay."He muttered before stopping back, nudging him towards the kitchen."Come on, you ran out so fast this morning you didnt eat.Shell be in there for awhile, we'll have a nice breakfast then see if she wants to eat."
 
Draco sighed and relaxed, nodding as he hesitated, looking at Loki through eyelashes so thick it really was a shame he wasn't a girl, before he leaned up and gently kissed the other. “thank you Loki.” he whispered softly before letting the other drag him off to the kitchen for food, though he didn't eat much, mostly he just poked it around his plate. “Loki?” he asked softly. “do you think.. I'm sick?” he asked suddenly. “not physically but... mentally.. like Harry.” he admitted looking up at the other his head tilted. “do you suppose that maybe my whole life is a dream... and that this is the first reality I've been in?” he mused, wishing he could just forget his whole traumatic life, and for once, be happy with someone the way Kat and Harry where.
 
Loki sighed as he ate his food, closing his eyes briefly before shaking his head."You're life is just as much of a dream as Kat's is.You both bear your emotional scars, and even if you haven't retreated like harry has, you're both living as much as you can.You're better then you once were."Loki smiled slightly."Kat told me about the time you pegged her with a scotch bottle for just walking in the room.Now you're going out and conversing with people, even kissing them."He teased
 
he snickered a little. “she never told you what she was YELLING when she walked in.” he teased, remembering that day. She had come in yelling the words he hated the most... it nearly made him shudder. “ugh...” Happy valentines day indeed. He blushed at the kissing mention and sniffed. “well if you don't like it I guess I won't do it anymore.” he teased chuckling a little as he shook his head. “i don't know if I'm better.” he admitted. “it's just more that I'm hiding it better. I still have nightmares, I'm still addicted, I still hate the world.” he played with his fork. “i've never really told anyone what happened.” he admitted softly. “Kat knows... but...” he sighed a little. “i think I might start taking therapy, see if I can't get in some real healing time... so someday, maybe, I can have a relationship, that isn't one sided.” he admitted smiling at the other. “where I can love them, just as much as they love me.. you know?”
 
Loki nodded a little, playing with his own fork."yea, that would be nice."He said tilting his head a little."You might see about getting therapy. Kat probably wont see you, but she'll know who to ask....and Kat knows EVERYONE's dirty secrets. If only to keep us from prying into hers."He said laughing quietly."If you hide it to much, Kat's going to beam you with your own bottle..And harry'll probably help her, considering I told him you wanted to see him naked."He snickered.
 
Draco snorted a little and shook his head. “i am NEVER going to forgive you for that.” he complained sulking a little. “can't believe you told him that.” he grumbled shaking his head. “besides she's not allowed to touch my Scotch after she knocked over the entire stand and ruined twenty years worth of hard work.” he teased smiling a little as he shook his head. “i don't want Kat to know I'm in therapy.” he admitted suddenly. “i don't want anyone to know... can you keep it a secrete?”
 
Loki wrinkled his nose a little."I didn't tell anyone about the ashcroft's potion until it was perfect. So yes, I can keep a secret."He said running his fingers through his hair watching the other worriedly."Now...Hey Kat. What are you doing up?" Kat smiled as she leaned against Harry, still high but getting the munchies, and to proud to let harry fetch things for her."I was hungry."
 
g amused as he examined the girls dilated pupils Harry shaking his head as he scowled at Draco. “bad inf...infl...fluenci...” “influence.” “yeah! You bad!” Harry complained Draco smiling a little. “i know Pot isn't normally good Harry, but it helps Kats pain, and it's not as addictive as the other pain relievers that I looked into, both magical and muggle.” he explained with a small smile as he kissed Kat's forehead. “now why don't you take your food back to bed, hmm Kat?” he asked with an indulgent smile.
 
"no.I'm perfectly capable of sitting in a chair and eating."Kat said stubbornly as she sat down, leaning back in her seat as she started to eat. Loki rolled his eyes looking at Draco."She's going to be stubborn since she screamed."He said knowing better then to try to get even a drugged kat to dod something she didnt want to
 
Draco nodded and Harry whined as he walked in after her. “but... bed!” Harry whined, sitting in a chair and slumping over the table like HE was the one who was tired, making pitiful whining noises in the back of his throat, Draco struggling not to grin, if anyone could manipulate Kat into going back to bed, it was Harry. “Tiiired.” Harry whined again even as he reached over and got a chip from a bag, eating it slowly as if he was too tired to chew.
 
Kat looked worried, biting her lip studying the boy. She wouldn't take care of herself but she'd fuss over harry."Come on Harry.You need to sleep."She said tuging him up to his feet, helping him out of the room.

Loki snickered quietly looking amused as he thought about it, shaking his head."Damn boy's so good at bullying her into something."
 
Harry whined a little and let her lead him tot he bedroom, glancing at Draco and Loki and offering them a playful wink as he followed Kat, snuggling into her once they where in bed, dozing while she ate all her goodies.

Draco snorted at the wink and smirked at Loki. “that's not bullying, that's manipulating.” he teased with a small laugh. “Harry understands Kat better than anyone else ever has, or ever will. He knows how she works and even with the mentality of a six year old, he's determined to take care of her, no matter what.” he admitted chuckling a little as he shook his head. “at least she's not in much pain now.” he admitted smiling a little. “that's very relieving.”
 
Loki nodded loking amused nodding."It is. And it wont hurt to badly now that she'll obsess over how harry's doing."He snickered a little knowing that kat would obsess to the point that she didn't realize that she was letting harry fuss over her as much as she fussed over him."She'll feel better when it's all over. We just have to remember that it really does end sometime."
 
Draco nodded and went back to eating his food. The next morning he was gone, Loki had given the excuse that Draco had a doctors appointment, but really he had gone to his first therapy lesson. Harry was as chipper as always and was happily doting on Kat, making her pictures and making her mud cakes... out of real mud, thankfully he didn't actually expect her to eat the mud cakes, even Hermione thought it was funny when Harry came in, dripping with mud and set the muddy mess in Kat's lap and declared that it was a yummy cake. Draco didn't return until Evening, and he looked even worse than when he had gone in, shaking his head when Loki offered him a worried look, grinning as he was mobbed by five kids and a Harry all wondering of uncle Draco 'the spoiler' had brought them presents while he was out. He hadn't, but he had brought them each a piece of rock candy, because he just couldn't help himself.
 
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