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JINFINITE
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2022
- Location
- The Island of Eroda
------ ❖ DATE — 120618-----------❖ LOCATION — their room-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie (and ricki)
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN
He really didn’t need to leave so early for work, but Eric also couldn’t stay here with Lizzie on a call with her friend and pretend like nothing had just happened. Of course in his heart he wanted nothing more than to stay and go right back into the heat of it all, but they were running out of time for tonight and he couldn’t handle being at her side right now and only being at her side. He wanted so much more and the tease of staying was just torturous. No, Eric needed to leave. If he didn’t leave now then he wouldn’t leave at all. He was far too weak against Lizzie and it took his all to exert this single ounce of self control to tell her that he needed to leave. After all she had said so herself: that this event would only be a few minutes and that meant the remaining time could just be the two of them again and that temptation was hard to pass up. They technically had the time, and there was no ignoring that the feeling was still there— if Lizzie had pushed even a little harder he surely would have given in and picked her back up there on the spot. But there was still that lingering touch of her fingers against his skin that both unsettled him and left him longing for more. And it was the unsettling part that made him wary of giving into their desires.
There was a small relief that washed over him as they made their way to the front door, but it was short lived as he was now turned back to face both her and the reality of what was versus what could have been. Eric paused only long enough to take in how the backlighting of the flat gave her almost a halo effect while the London street lights turned to stars in her eyes. He had been forced to make a lot of tough decisions in his twenty five years of life but this particular one just hit differently and he couldn’t stop his hands from grabbing her waist and pulling her in close towards him. As Eric kissed her he could feel his fingers graze against her skin above her waistband and he gently bit at her lower lip when he felt she might pull away to say goodbye; he couldn’t help it and was quickly succumbing to his needs, prolonging their kiss that extra second, and bringing them back ever so briefly to that all consuming feeling from earlier.
Normally when Eric missed Lizzie her honey sweet voice might pop into his head accompanied by her sweet, perfect smiley face. But tonight his mental images were of the way her hair fell to one side when she tilted her head just right. The excitement that came with each layer of winter clothing being removed until she was barely covered and teasingly so, at which point memory then had to merge with his imagination to continue this fantasy he had fallen into after Lizzie seemed to have finally drifted off to sleep.
While physically Eric’s eyes were on the last text he had sent,and secretly hoping Lizzie would wake up and reply to him he wasn’t actually viewing the words on the screen, but rather the contrast of the black tattoo ink against Lizzie’s pale olive skin in his head. He was mentally tracing every curve of her body and when his eyes were no longer enough he reached out to another sense to further enhance the experience. Eric could feel the softness of her skin beneath his fingers and the warmth of her breath against his own chest. And then he felt her hands on him and his own breath froze in his chest at the phantom touches across his midsection and it sent a shiver down his spine. Or maybe it was the gust of cold wind that had shot straight through him as he exited the hotel to step outside for a break. His arms hugged across himself to wrap his jacket across his uniform as that previous breath finally released into the cold air. It was so cold he could see his breath as it left him, a sign he should probably just head back inside and take his break in the staff room, but Eric needed this to wake up and calm down to make it through the rest of his shift. Now that Lizzie was asleep he had nothing but his thoughts to keep him up and clearly they were playing with him tonight and leading him away from a productive night.
When he did finally return inside he settled down in front of the front desk computer completely prepared to banish his favorite distraction from his thoughts so he could get some work accomplished finally. But that was easier said than done...it wasn’t long after opening the booking calendar that Lizzie circled back into his thoughts. This time via the realization that it had been a month already. In just a couple days they would have been officially dating for a full month, and Eric honestly wasn’t quite sure what to feel.
Well, obviously it was a good feeling overall. But everything was complicated when it came to Lizzie. They had dragged out their crushes for so long that it felt like they had been together for so much longer, after all they had practically been dating for longer just there had been so much drama and uncertainty surrounding it...Eric wasn’t counting their relationship as having started until after they reached an understanding. After Lizzie had heard all the baggage he was lugging around and accepted that she could handle it for him. That she was willing to fight alongside him in order for them to work. Everything before that had just been them living in a dream and Eric wasn’t counting it as being together. Still, it felt like he had known her for so long already.
Then there was the shock that it had already been a month. It felt like just yesterday they were in the common room and he was telling her just how long he had had feelings for her.Since the moment he first laid eyes on her. Time was flying and everything was progressing way too fast for Eric, in more ways than one. He was suddenly aware of just how many months it had been since Lizzie first arrived in London, just how long it took him to fully accept her into his life, and how little time they had left before she would inevitably have to return to the States. She had literally just become his and yet in a matter of months she would be taken from him. But wasn’t that how everything was in Eric’s life? Happiness was forever fleeting and would get cruelly ripped away from him...just like last night. Another progression he wasn’t prepared for. This countdown on their relationship had his heart racing, there was so much they still hadn’t done yet but sex was definitely at the top of the list in flashing neon lights. It had clearly been a constant between them and even more so lately, and while it wasn’t necessarily a requirement for a relationship….he wanted it— he wanted her. There was no point in trying to deny it, this had been on his mind for weeks now. But now that he was at the gates to heaven with his angel calling his name on the other side he suddenly wasn’t sure if he could go to her. It was a mixture of feeling unworthy, but more importantly scared. He was terrified to breach this next level with Lizzie. What if everything they had built up just came crashing down around them after they were done? What if this magnetic attraction he felt for her was just primal instinct and would vanish after he got what he wanted? Eric had few to zero positive associations with sex, and what if it wasn’t any different with Lizzie? This was the other aspect in which Eric felt like they were going too fast. He was trapped in limbo between wanting more but being too scared that after they went all the way then that was it. Their relationship would just plateau and Lizzie would just turn into another client. He didn’t want her to want him for the sole purpose of sexual attraction. But he didn’t want to keep up this cat and mouse game they had going. It was all so conflicting— ughhh if only he had stayed earlier, he should have stayed when she invited him to— and just like that Eric’s mind had circled back to his original thought train and he couldn’t shake Lizzie’s unclothed, perfectly sculpted image from his head.
He was absolutely exhausted by the time he got back to the flat. Of course his first order of business was to text his love and inform her he was back safe and sound. Now it was her turn to be the one insisting he go to sleep. But while his body wanted to, personally he just wanted to glue himself to his screen and resume texting her now that he could fully devote his attention to her and only her without his work tasks pulling him away. It was during a pause in Lizzie’s responses, likely she was busy with her own work now, that Eric’s earlier realization popped back to the front of his mind and he exited out of his text thread with Lizzie to instead click into Olivia’s.
She replied twice consecutively. The first message was asking if this was urgent. The second stated that she could talk in about half an hour if he could wait till then. He could. And he did. As soon as she texted that she was free he instead shifted their conversation into a real phone call.
Eric was laying on the bed, still in his work clothes with only his shoes removed. Normally he found it sort of hard to be in here without Lizzie, but today it had the opposite effect and made him feel closer to her rather than being hyper aware of her absence. Her pillow was hugged to his chest while his other hand held his iPod to his ear, ”Olive...I need your help.”
She didn’t miss a beat, he had called her Olive, and was able to wait until she was available so this couldn’t be that big a deal, ”Okay, with what?”
”Lizzie?” Why did that come out as a question? Well Olivia sounded just as confused with even a hint of worry as she asked if they had fought again.
”What? No— “Just the opposite actually. Not that she could see him, but Eric’s cheeks flushed a slight pink as his mind raced back to how close they had gotten last night. Definitely not a fight. A fight with Lizzie was not at all what was troubling him right now, “No actually uhm...I want to get her something—a gift.”
There was a pause between them now but Olivia finally filled the silence with an ”Eric….” the warning in her voice was clear, it was saying she didn't like where this conversation was headed. Spending money on Lizzie? Had he not just readjusted back to normality after his Barking scare? Had he not learned his lesson or come to terms with the delicate reality of his and Lizzie’s dating situation? Eric was determined to be heard though and his usual slow speech quickened as he gripped the iPod closer to his ear, “It’ll have been a month— on Thursday. Our one month. And I...I just want to get her something…”
“And you think I’m the best person to ask for advice?” You could hear the smile as she spoke though, serial dater or not, she knew she was great at gifts, and planning and everything related to those categories. But it was still fun to drag herself and pull Eric along for the ride. After all, this nervousLizzie girl obsessed side to him was still new to her and she was enjoying taking advantage of every second she got to tease him.
“You know she’ll love anything you get her—or do. You don't have to buy anything Eric. I'm sure Lizzie isn't expecting you to go all out,“ But that was exactly it. That was exactly why he was calling his best friend for help. Yes he knew Lizzie wouldn't hold it against him if he didn't have anything for her. She knew his situation. But it was because of that he was even more motivated to come up with something. Afterall, if they had a normal relationship—like if she were with her friend Eddie—wouldn’t he have spent money on her? Buy her a gift, take her out somewhere nice to eat...why should he be an exception to normal relationship benchmarks? ”Besides, it’s only a month...it’s not like, I dunno, a real anniversary. You know?”
It was Eric’s turn to go silent now and Olivia knew she had started taking the teasing too far. Clearly this was important to him because it wasn’t often Eric Oliver reached out asking for help, with anything, ”Alright, well what ideas do you have so far?”
He didn’t text Lizzie again after getting off the call with Olivia. Well, he wanted to but honestly he had been home for quite some time by now and his eyes just wouldn’t stay open a second longer. He had been awake for soooo many hours and despite how busy it was in his head, his body just could not keep up any longer and he was finally granted sleep...for just under two hours or so.
The earlier comfort that being in Lizzie’s room had brought him had now vanished and brought him back to being unable to truly relax without her here beside him. As tired as he was, he had grown so accustomed to sleeping at her side that he couldn’t reach any deep sleep cycle until she was here to lull him to sleep with her voice, scent and the way she fit in his arms so much nicer than her pillow did.
It was fine, being awake now meant he could resume texting his love….only it seemed he was the only one available to talk. Eric waited close to fifteen minutes before accepting that Lizzie was busy and that sending her a second message would not bring her back to him any sooner. He showered while he waited and finally changed into comfortable home clothes after having already been in his uniform for half the day.
At last though he was locking the front door behind him to walk down to meet Lizzie at the cafe now that she was finally free from work. Her use of the word ‘empty’ to describe how hungry she was was turning out to be pretty accurate for Eric as he hadn’t even snacked after getting home that morning. It always took him a while to be able to stomach the thought of food after an overnight. There was something about staying up all night that threw his body on a roller coaster and it took hours for him to settle from. He was finally hungry though. Hungry and literally empty, but the second he saw Lizzie walk through the cafe doors he lost at least half his appetite. Or— not so much lost, but more so a shift of priorities as her appearance alone had both filled a substantial part of him and left another part wanting more. And more. And more. The taste of her kiss was such a tease and they were lucky that he was very much so hungry for real food too or Eric very well may have just called off their cafe date and carried her back to the flat right then and there.
That feeling stuck with him though even as they entered their bedroom later. He watched as she shed her outermost layer of winter clothes. And he watched as she turned to go climb onto the bed. Then he watched as her head tilted, her hair fell to the side and fuck— Eric just about lost it right there. It was like everything he had envisioned last night coming to life right before his eyes. He felt his heart skip in his chest while his hesitation held him fast until she broke that down as she summoned him and suddenly he was walking through those gates to his angel, fully committed to fulfil their shared desires.
Eric didn’t even notice the chill of the room as his bare chest was exposed to it. He was far too invested in his singular goal: Lizzie. His hands ran up the inside of her thighs as he leaned into her, and her name escaped his lips as a breathy, needy whisper as his hands finally found the skin they so craved. He moved quickly then, getting the both of them properly on the bed and positioning himself over her. As he pulled her shirt up Lizzie naturally lifted her arms to help, but Eric’s hands trailed up her arms along with her sleeves and the second they were freed he took her two wrists together in his one hand and pinned them just above her head. He resumed his crushing kiss as soon as the shirt was out of the way but otherwise Eric didn’t move to touch her and just held her in place.
It was like he was trying to rush through any foreplay and just get to what they both wanted. After all it's not like they had ever made it remotely close to the main event before and he was tired of all their false starts. Besides the obvious sexual frustration eating at him, Eric also had that pang of guilt and regret that had been accompanying him for weeks and growing stronger with every attempt he walked away from. So he was extra determined now to just push past everything and not let any old memories interrupt the new ones he so desperately wanted to make with Lizzie.
Except, that went against everything that made him who he was. Eric loved taking the time to feel her beneath his hands—beneath him. He loved the way her breathing changed as soon as he touched her body and the way she tasted as he kissed away the rest of her breath. He released her hands so that his own could finally travel across every inch of her from her neck, down her chest and back to cup her cheek oh so lovingly while she now took her turn to focus on him as her hands, still above her head, now entangled in his hair.
Eric had thought he had won against himself. He was so sure he had given in to her taste and withstood her touches and that this would be the perfect passionate night he had wanted for them all along. But then Lizzie spoke and suddenly everything shifted for him. Those three words. Those eight letters. The phrase that wasn’t I love you but in this case meant the same thing...as if things weren’t already heated between them, something about those words ignited a second flame within him and all at once Eric caved and in the end Eric lost all the control he had been fighting to maintain— he lost himself.
His full weight pressed down against her and Eric’s entire focus was devoted to her neck, planting kisses until his teeth grazed across her skin and he latched on. Before long he moved on, he moved lower. His kisses made their way down to her collarbone while his hand moved up from having just adjusted her waist beneath him. His hands and mouth met in the middle, roughly caressing her breasts while his same focus was now redirected to her soft, sensitive skin just above where her bra covered. Speaking of bra, the fabric was frustrating him and as Lizzie’s back arched at this new sensation his hand dove in that tiny gap between her and the bed to try and fumble with the clasp.
The simultaneous combination of his frustration and excitement only fueled Eric to abandon this task and the new mark on her breast to return to her neck. There was an almost aggressive desperation to his movements now as his hand gave up on the clasp to squeeze between them, determined to still touch her while he bit at her neck again, ”What do you want?”
He wanted to hear her say it again, to say that she wanted him. But part of Eric was long gone, replaced with this alternate self who had been created as a form of self defense. These words came out completely on their own, a reflex if you will, but intermixed with the sounds of pleasure that were very much still him, ”Tell me how badly you want it.”
With Lizzie completely pinned underneath him she offered no physical resistance as his hand between them now slipped between her legs while his voice dropped to an authoritative whisper, ”This is mine…”
He was mumbling directions into her neck now. Well, more like rules. She wasn’t allowed to touch him, or herself, or make a noise. She wasn’t allowed to do anything without his permission, and his voice just continued to whisper over hers while his lips barely left her skin, ”Are we clear? I want—”
Finally Lizzie’s pleas reached his ears and Eric stopped everything. His hands stilled against her while his words froze in his throat. It was as though someone had clicked on the lights and suddenly Eric was all too aware of what just happened and a flood of regret filled him so intensely that he felt physically sick. He quickly pushed himself up so he was no longer crushing her but Eric couldn’t move beyond that, he was going into shock with the realization of what he’d just done to Lizzie. This whole time he had been afraid that their first time together wouldn’t be special, thinking that he was just so completely desensitized to sex that when they got to it he’d hate it just as he had hated it when it was his job. Never once had this scenario played through his mind. He had never imagined ever having to say anything like that ever again, yet it just all slipped out...and to Lizzie of all people.
Eric’s hands clenched at the bedding beneath him as he fought against a deep feeling of nausea rising up within. He swallowed it back. Each breath he took was audible yet drowned out by his own pulse pounding away in his ears. He shut his eyes as she asked him what just happened. He was trying so hard to calm down but he just couldn’t. Not after everything he had just said to her. Not after everything he had just put her through. Not while he was sitting so close to her. And while internally he was screaming wanting to deny enjoying it all, externally Eric couldn’t answer her. He couldn’t even look at her.
But then he did. Or he tried at least. Eric’s eyes opened, staring down at the bed with his mother’s cross in his line of sight, swaying at his neck from all his movement. He then braved a glance towards her, just enough to see her clutching the comforter but not enough to meet her gaze. And his mouth opened as though to respond, but then all at once he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Eric couldn’t even stumble through one of his usual string of apologies. He was just so completely overwhelmed with this guilt, shame and embarrassment that all reason and sense left him. And then soon enough he left with them. Eric still hadn’t spoken as he leaned back away from Lizzie at first before completely slipping off the bed. He just barely remembered to grab his shirt from the floor but rather than immediately put it on he instead held it all bunched up to his mouth. He breathed through the fabric, trying to calm his racing heart and ignore the nausea still simmering inside as he made a beeline for the bedroom door.
Just like last night Eric went first to the bathroom. He let his shirt drop to the tile floor as soon as the door was shut but rather than another shower he opted to just lean over the sink; splash some water on his face while he just breathed for a couple minutes. Ultimately Eric’s panic was short lived and quickly transformed to specifically being afraid of facing Lizzie. The nausea was gone. His heart had calmed and Eric was okay now, apart from the scene playing on a loop in his head. He had thought he would never have to become that person ever again, and yet it had come out while he was with the person he loved, trusted and felt safe with. Lizzie never ever should have had to see that piece of him, yet it happened. How were they supposed to come back from this now?
All their “fights” had clear faults and misunderstandings. Someone did something and it upset the other person. But this? This wasn’t him. Not consciously at least. And Lizzie certainly hadn’t done anything wrong. But how was he supposed to go apologize for this? How were they supposed to move past this?
After drying off and slipping back into his shirt, Eric found himself standing outside the bedroom door, trapped in this state of wanting so desperately to be with her and to fix this, but also being oh so terrified of knowing what she must think of him now.
”Eric?”
He turned to see Malcolm in the double doors to the common room, hands covered in what he could only assume was flour and his sleeves rolled to his elbows— well, one sleeve was. The other had clearly fallen, ”Could you help me?” Malcolm lifted his arm with the problem sleeve and Eric caught on right away. He let out a soft breath as he crossed over to help Malcolm with his sleeve, the tension visibly leaving his shoulders upon choosing to not go back into the bedroom to face Lizzie.
Eric ended up following Malcolm back into the kitchen, getting himself involved in whatever he was cooking….turns out he was baking actually. Croissants to be specific. Eric just really needed a distraction and space away from Lizzie to process it all. Yet he constantly caught himself glancing back towards the double doors to the hallway. Sometimes he thought he heard someone, other times he just wished he had.
But the thing with croissants was that it was a multiple day ordeal. Malcolm informed him that while they were starting the dough tonight, they wouldn’t actually be ready to eat until tomorrow, ”What time will you be home tomorrow? I can wait if you want to finish them with me.” At first Eric turned him down, not wanting to be a burden of any sort. But Malcolm was very insistent that he should see this project through to the end. Fruits of his labor and all that.
”Lizzie’s home right? We should see if she wants to watch too.” The croissant dough was in the fridge for the night by now and Eric was settled on the couch in front of the TV. After talking him into baking he had now talked him into watching this movie with him and while Eric had welcomed the back to back distractions, Malcolm now mentioning Lizzie sort of ruined the illusion of it all. Eric’s eyes flickered back to the double doors but before he could even think up any sort of excuse Malcolm had already crossed the room saying he’d go ask her, leaving Eric to hold his breath and strain his ears trying to hear them talking across the hall.
In the end he couldn’t hear anything but Malcolm returned saying Lizzie was waist deep in work so it’d probably be best to just let her be. There was a slight tease to his voice as though hinting that Eric was the distraction they needed to keep away from her so she could work. And while technically true, tonight’s particular situation made that hard to hear and he just stared back at the hall while Malcolm gathered snacks and drinks.
Throughout the beginning of the movie Eric continued to struggle to focus on it, and when he heard a door open and shut he immediately turned expecting to see Lizzie coming out to find him only, ”Hey~ Welcome home. Long day?”
Malcolm was instead greeting Olivia and Eric wordlessly looked back towards the TV as he pulled his birthday blanket closer and adjusted his position on the couch, ”Yeah, I’m just glad it’s over….where’s Lizzie?”
It seemed to be everyone’s question tonight as soon as they recognized that she wasn’t at Eric’s side. But Eric didn’t respond to Olivia’s question, he didn’t even glance back towards her. Had he then maybe he would have noticed the look his flatmates exchanged, but Eric just forced himself to focus on the movie and not pay any attention as Malcolm briefed Olivia that Lizzie was busy with work stuff.
His plan sort of backfired though. Or at least, that is to say that Eric failed to focus on the movie and it wasn’t long before he fell asleep all wrapped up in his blanket. Their double date yesterday, then last night’s sexpedition, his overnight and now this with Lizzie...Eric had barely slept with all of that and he had crashed hard shortly after Olivia came home. The entire movie was lost on Eric and he didn’t open his eyes again until deep into the credits when he was gently shaken awake, ”Hey…” Olivia waited until she was sure Eric was awake enough to process her words before continuing, ”You fell asleep, you should go get in bed.”
”Eric?” He could see the concern growing on her face the longer he stayed silent. She had gotten the rundown from Malcolm that he hadn’t seen the flat’s couple together all evening, but that conflicted heavily with how excited Eric had been earlier in the day talking about their one month anniversary. It was pretty clear that Olivia was weighing her options now. Question Eric about this sudden slump he seemed to be in, or just take care of him for the night and try to get a better grasp of it all in the morning after her best friend got the sleep he so clearly needed. Yeah you can guess which she chose.
”C’mon, up.” He didn’t say much but he also didn’t put up much of a fight at the prospect of returning to his room. This only further confused Olivia about what was going on between him and Lizzie, but surely it couldn’t be that bad considering he was still willingly in the flat and cooperating with her, albeit a bit reluctantly.
Eric’s nerves were through the roof as he entered the bedroom. He was honestly still so scared to face her but being away from her all night had reached a point that it physically hurt. He was so reliant on her for everything, and not having her these past hours was destroying him— seeing the state of things in the room did not make him feel any better either. The light was still on but when he looked over to Lizzie he found that the mess that used to be their bed all disheveled from their earlier activity was now replaced with papers. A lot of papers. Malcolm hadn’t been exaggerating when he said Lizzie was waist deep in her work. But there in the middle of it all was Lizzie herself fast asleep and Eric felt a pang in his heart knowing now that she had literally been in here working herself to death— sleep. While he had been in the common room ever hopeful that she would come out and magically fix things like she always did, Lizzie had isolated herself in here and thrown herself into her work. He approached the bed softly and just stood there for a moment to watch her sleep. He had been so scared to look at her earlier, but now he found he couldn’t look away.
At last Eric did move and he went about carefully tidying the papers and left them as neatly organized as he could manage on her desk. Then after changing into sleep clothes he took a slow breath before turning off the overhead light and then ever so gently climbing over Lizzie to get to his spot on their bed. This didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right at all. They were in the same bed but Lizzie felt like she was worlds away from him. And while it was warmer here than it had been in the common room it was still noticeably colder than usual which Eric contributed to the fact that he always fell asleep holding her in his arms. Always. When Eric himself finally fell asleep he had his hood up over his head and had turned to face the wall with his arms seemingly hugging himself beneath what corner bit of the comforter he had allowed himself under.
He fell asleep assuring himself that they would talk things out in the morning. After all, hadn't that been their trend? They very rarely dealt with things immediately after the fact. Only, when Eric woke up it was to an empty bed, ”Lizzie?”
Silence. She wasn’t in the room with him. He sat up in bed but wasn’t quite worried yet. She had probably just run to the bathroom and would be back shortly. Or maybe she was in the kitchen to grab some water and she would come back to bed soon. Eric kept trying to convince himself that there was some very boring and simple reason why she wasn’t in bed when it was still so early in the morning, but it didn’t take long before he felt like he had waited long enough and he got up to go find her in the flat. He was still nervous at the prospect of running into her but a part of him was too panicked over her vanishing to care about last night’s rift between them.
And that panic only intensified after walking through the flat and not finding her, or any sign of her anywhere. Had she left? Had she left him? Had she been taken? Had she been taken from him? Every possible worst case scenario was racing through his head as he fumbled with his iPod now in the common room.
And then a few minutes later:
She still hadn’t replied, and normally it wouldn’t be so alarming since she was usually in class or at work so some delay was to be expected. But it was so early in the morning still!
Eric was quick to call her just a couple minutes after his third text, and then again when she didn’t answer his first call. He was slipping on his jacket with keys in hand to go looking for her when Lizzie finally texted back and Eric just stared down at the bare minimum message. He suddenly felt a little embarrassed for having overreacted thinking something had possibly happened to her. But then a new feeling quickly settled in, it was this awkwardness that stemmed from not knowing how to interact with her now. Was it okay for him to call her out on having worried him? After all she had done the same to him before. Was it okay to say he missed her? Would it be too much to say he needed her? Should he ask if she was suffering with this the same way he was?
As tired as he was, there was no going back to bed after that scare. But he also wasn’t entirely ready to see Lizzie whenever she got home. She was okay. Or at least wasn’t in immediate danger, and so Eric himself went about getting ready and left for work early so as to further postpone the awkwardness that was sure to come when they eventually were face to face. In fact Eric likely would have found something else to occupy himself with to stay out of the house after his shift ended had Malcolm not texted saying he made dinner and a reminder to hurry home so they could finish their croissants.
It was like last night all over again. Eric kept looking up at every noise and even when there was silence he would glance expectantly to the double doors.
”Can we add chocolate to some of them?” Eric’s sudden question caught Malcolm a little by surprise as Eric finally looked over to him after staring at the door for a particularly long period of time, ”Uhm, Lizzie really likes chocolate croissants…” The flat chef just smiled back at him with an, ”Of course!” Before turning to the cabinets to fetch suitable chocolate to add into these last few doughs they still had to shape into croissants.
The few times Eric and Lizzie crossed paths he really wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know if she was even looking at him, he couldn’t meet her gaze still and that heavy guilt and shame just glued him in place until he could tell she had passed him at which point Eric’s eyes would move to watch her leave. He hated this so much. Everytime he found the courage to go talk to her he would freeze up just outside whichever room she was in at the time….because what was there for him to say that would make things better? He couldn’t take back anything he had said or done. This wasn’t a simple miscommunication issue. This was painfully real and something he had never ever intended to share with her— or anyone really. He wasn’t even comfortable addressing the topic with himself, so how on earth was he supposed to talk to Lizzie of all people about it?
He wouldn’t. That’s how. Eric went all of Wednesday avoiding anything that might lead to a serious conversation, with anyone. But as it grew dark out he was all too aware of what tomorrow was, especially when Olivia approached him in the hall with a nondescript handled paper bag and a cautious side glance as though questioning whether this was the right thing to do. Eric too was a little hesitant now. What had felt like a good idea yesterday morning was now turning into a pit of anxiety in his stomach. But he still handed over the money he owed Olivia for her help and she took it without her usual fuss over not needing to pay her back. While he hadn’t exactly told her anything about his and Lizzie’s current situation, she would have had to be completely dense to have not picked up on it by now. She knew this wasn’t the time to harass him about needless money spending, not this time at least.
Eric was late to fall asleep that night too after once again camping out in the common room for as long as he could reasonably manage. However as Thursday morning arrived, it was now his turn to sneak out of bed ridiculously early. Lizzie was still asleep in bed and neither of the girl’s alarm clocks should be going off for at least another hour. Once safely out of the bedroom, Eric’s first stop was the bathroom to pee and wash up and hopefully not look as shitty as he felt with his back to back nights of minimal sleep. But at last he ended up in the kitchen, and after all his prep work was taken care of he took a seat at the kitchen island with a pen and a blank page ripped from his notebook. And then another page….and another…. It seemed like nothing he wrote was anywhere near enough and he went through several failed drafts which were all balled up in the trash before he finally settled on something that felt acceptably sweet without being cheesy or completely unlike him.
You could practically see the "uhms" in the way certain letters had clearly been under a lot of pressure from his pen strokes. Okay, so it was a little cheesy but aren’t most cards anyways? Eric folded the page in half and signed Lizzie’s name across the front before glancing anxiously to the clock, if he had timed this properly then he only had a few minutes left before the first alarm would go off so he needed to get back to their bedroom. However opening a door with a mug of hot coffee, a freshly heated homemade chocolate croissant on a plate, and a small LUSH gift bag, was easier said than done and Eric struggled to get back into the room for a second. Luckily it was still dark and quiet inside meaning neither girl had woken up yet and Eric tiptoed his way over to Lizzie’s bedside to set out everything to be in clear sight for when she woke up.
Eric wasn’t planning to stay in the room to wait for her, he was too nervous to face her still despite this icebreaker. But as he made his way back towards the door to return to the kitchen, a phone’s alarm went off disrupting the silence and stopping Eric in his tracks as he glanced back to his sleeping love to gauge whether he still could escape or if she was already waking up.
There was a small relief that washed over him as they made their way to the front door, but it was short lived as he was now turned back to face both her and the reality of what was versus what could have been. Eric paused only long enough to take in how the backlighting of the flat gave her almost a halo effect while the London street lights turned to stars in her eyes. He had been forced to make a lot of tough decisions in his twenty five years of life but this particular one just hit differently and he couldn’t stop his hands from grabbing her waist and pulling her in close towards him. As Eric kissed her he could feel his fingers graze against her skin above her waistband and he gently bit at her lower lip when he felt she might pull away to say goodbye; he couldn’t help it and was quickly succumbing to his needs, prolonging their kiss that extra second, and bringing them back ever so briefly to that all consuming feeling from earlier.
Normally when Eric missed Lizzie her honey sweet voice might pop into his head accompanied by her sweet, perfect smiley face. But tonight his mental images were of the way her hair fell to one side when she tilted her head just right. The excitement that came with each layer of winter clothing being removed until she was barely covered and teasingly so, at which point memory then had to merge with his imagination to continue this fantasy he had fallen into after Lizzie seemed to have finally drifted off to sleep.
While physically Eric’s eyes were on the last text he had sent,
When he did finally return inside he settled down in front of the front desk computer completely prepared to banish his favorite distraction from his thoughts so he could get some work accomplished finally. But that was easier said than done...it wasn’t long after opening the booking calendar that Lizzie circled back into his thoughts. This time via the realization that it had been a month already. In just a couple days they would have been officially dating for a full month, and Eric honestly wasn’t quite sure what to feel.
Well, obviously it was a good feeling overall. But everything was complicated when it came to Lizzie. They had dragged out their crushes for so long that it felt like they had been together for so much longer, after all they had practically been dating for longer just there had been so much drama and uncertainty surrounding it...Eric wasn’t counting their relationship as having started until after they reached an understanding. After Lizzie had heard all the baggage he was lugging around and accepted that she could handle it for him. That she was willing to fight alongside him in order for them to work. Everything before that had just been them living in a dream and Eric wasn’t counting it as being together. Still, it felt like he had known her for so long already.
Then there was the shock that it had already been a month. It felt like just yesterday they were in the common room and he was telling her just how long he had had feelings for her.
He was absolutely exhausted by the time he got back to the flat. Of course his first order of business was to text his love and inform her he was back safe and sound. Now it was her turn to be the one insisting he go to sleep. But while his body wanted to, personally he just wanted to glue himself to his screen and resume texting her now that he could fully devote his attention to her and only her without his work tasks pulling him away. It was during a pause in Lizzie’s responses, likely she was busy with her own work now, that Eric’s earlier realization popped back to the front of his mind and he exited out of his text thread with Lizzie to instead click into Olivia’s.
are you busy?
She replied twice consecutively. The first message was asking if this was urgent. The second stated that she could talk in about half an hour if he could wait till then. He could. And he did. As soon as she texted that she was free he instead shifted their conversation into a real phone call.
Eric was laying on the bed, still in his work clothes with only his shoes removed. Normally he found it sort of hard to be in here without Lizzie, but today it had the opposite effect and made him feel closer to her rather than being hyper aware of her absence. Her pillow was hugged to his chest while his other hand held his iPod to his ear, ”Olive...I need your help.”
She didn’t miss a beat, he had called her Olive, and was able to wait until she was available so this couldn’t be that big a deal, ”Okay, with what?”
”Lizzie?” Why did that come out as a question? Well Olivia sounded just as confused with even a hint of worry as she asked if they had fought again.
”What? No— “
There was a pause between them now but Olivia finally filled the silence with an ”Eric….” the warning in her voice was clear, it was saying she didn't like where this conversation was headed. Spending money on Lizzie? Had he not just readjusted back to normality after his Barking scare? Had he not learned his lesson or come to terms with the delicate reality of his and Lizzie’s dating situation? Eric was determined to be heard though and his usual slow speech quickened as he gripped the iPod closer to his ear, “It’ll have been a month— on Thursday. Our one month. And I...I just want to get her something…”
“And you think I’m the best person to ask for advice?” You could hear the smile as she spoke though, serial dater or not, she knew she was great at gifts, and planning and everything related to those categories. But it was still fun to drag herself and pull Eric along for the ride. After all, this nervous
“You know she’ll love anything you get her—or do. You don't have to buy anything Eric. I'm sure Lizzie isn't expecting you to go all out,“ But that was exactly it. That was exactly why he was calling his best friend for help. Yes he knew Lizzie wouldn't hold it against him if he didn't have anything for her. She knew his situation. But it was because of that he was even more motivated to come up with something. Afterall, if they had a normal relationship—like if she were with her friend Eddie—wouldn’t he have spent money on her? Buy her a gift, take her out somewhere nice to eat...why should he be an exception to normal relationship benchmarks? ”Besides, it’s only a month...it’s not like, I dunno, a real anniversary. You know?”
It was Eric’s turn to go silent now and Olivia knew she had started taking the teasing too far. Clearly this was important to him because it wasn’t often Eric Oliver reached out asking for help, with anything, ”Alright, well what ideas do you have so far?”
He didn’t text Lizzie again after getting off the call with Olivia. Well, he wanted to but honestly he had been home for quite some time by now and his eyes just wouldn’t stay open a second longer. He had been awake for soooo many hours and despite how busy it was in his head, his body just could not keep up any longer and he was finally granted sleep...for just under two hours or so.
The earlier comfort that being in Lizzie’s room had brought him had now vanished and brought him back to being unable to truly relax without her here beside him. As tired as he was, he had grown so accustomed to sleeping at her side that he couldn’t reach any deep sleep cycle until she was here to lull him to sleep with her voice, scent and the way she fit in his arms so much nicer than her pillow did.
It was fine, being awake now meant he could resume texting his love….only it seemed he was the only one available to talk. Eric waited close to fifteen minutes before accepting that Lizzie was busy and that sending her a second message would not bring her back to him any sooner. He showered while he waited and finally changed into comfortable home clothes after having already been in his uniform for half the day.
At last though he was locking the front door behind him to walk down to meet Lizzie at the cafe now that she was finally free from work. Her use of the word ‘empty’ to describe how hungry she was was turning out to be pretty accurate for Eric as he hadn’t even snacked after getting home that morning. It always took him a while to be able to stomach the thought of food after an overnight. There was something about staying up all night that threw his body on a roller coaster and it took hours for him to settle from. He was finally hungry though. Hungry and literally empty, but the second he saw Lizzie walk through the cafe doors he lost at least half his appetite. Or— not so much lost, but more so a shift of priorities as her appearance alone had both filled a substantial part of him and left another part wanting more. And more. And more. The taste of her kiss was such a tease and they were lucky that he was very much so hungry for real food too or Eric very well may have just called off their cafe date and carried her back to the flat right then and there.
That feeling stuck with him though even as they entered their bedroom later. He watched as she shed her outermost layer of winter clothes. And he watched as she turned to go climb onto the bed. Then he watched as her head tilted, her hair fell to the side and fuck— Eric just about lost it right there. It was like everything he had envisioned last night coming to life right before his eyes. He felt his heart skip in his chest while his hesitation held him fast until she broke that down as she summoned him and suddenly he was walking through those gates to his angel, fully committed to fulfil their shared desires.
Eric didn’t even notice the chill of the room as his bare chest was exposed to it. He was far too invested in his singular goal: Lizzie. His hands ran up the inside of her thighs as he leaned into her, and her name escaped his lips as a breathy, needy whisper as his hands finally found the skin they so craved. He moved quickly then, getting the both of them properly on the bed and positioning himself over her. As he pulled her shirt up Lizzie naturally lifted her arms to help, but Eric’s hands trailed up her arms along with her sleeves and the second they were freed he took her two wrists together in his one hand and pinned them just above her head. He resumed his crushing kiss as soon as the shirt was out of the way but otherwise Eric didn’t move to touch her and just held her in place.
It was like he was trying to rush through any foreplay and just get to what they both wanted. After all it's not like they had ever made it remotely close to the main event before and he was tired of all their false starts. Besides the obvious sexual frustration eating at him, Eric also had that pang of guilt and regret that had been accompanying him for weeks and growing stronger with every attempt he walked away from. So he was extra determined now to just push past everything and not let any old memories interrupt the new ones he so desperately wanted to make with Lizzie.
Except, that went against everything that made him who he was. Eric loved taking the time to feel her beneath his hands—beneath him. He loved the way her breathing changed as soon as he touched her body and the way she tasted as he kissed away the rest of her breath. He released her hands so that his own could finally travel across every inch of her from her neck, down her chest and back to cup her cheek oh so lovingly while she now took her turn to focus on him as her hands, still above her head, now entangled in his hair.
Eric had thought he had won against himself. He was so sure he had given in to her taste and withstood her touches and that this would be the perfect passionate night he had wanted for them all along. But then Lizzie spoke and suddenly everything shifted for him. Those three words. Those eight letters. The phrase that wasn’t I love you but in this case meant the same thing...as if things weren’t already heated between them, something about those words ignited a second flame within him and all at once Eric caved and in the end Eric lost all the control he had been fighting to maintain— he lost himself.
His full weight pressed down against her and Eric’s entire focus was devoted to her neck, planting kisses until his teeth grazed across her skin and he latched on. Before long he moved on, he moved lower. His kisses made their way down to her collarbone while his hand moved up from having just adjusted her waist beneath him. His hands and mouth met in the middle, roughly caressing her breasts while his same focus was now redirected to her soft, sensitive skin just above where her bra covered. Speaking of bra, the fabric was frustrating him and as Lizzie’s back arched at this new sensation his hand dove in that tiny gap between her and the bed to try and fumble with the clasp.
The simultaneous combination of his frustration and excitement only fueled Eric to abandon this task and the new mark on her breast to return to her neck. There was an almost aggressive desperation to his movements now as his hand gave up on the clasp to squeeze between them, determined to still touch her while he bit at her neck again, ”What do you want?”
He wanted to hear her say it again, to say that she wanted him. But part of Eric was long gone, replaced with this alternate self who had been created as a form of self defense. These words came out completely on their own, a reflex if you will, but intermixed with the sounds of pleasure that were very much still him, ”Tell me how badly you want it.”
With Lizzie completely pinned underneath him she offered no physical resistance as his hand between them now slipped between her legs while his voice dropped to an authoritative whisper, ”This is mine…”
He was mumbling directions into her neck now. Well, more like rules. She wasn’t allowed to touch him, or herself, or make a noise. She wasn’t allowed to do anything without his permission, and his voice just continued to whisper over hers while his lips barely left her skin, ”Are we clear? I want—”
Finally Lizzie’s pleas reached his ears and Eric stopped everything. His hands stilled against her while his words froze in his throat. It was as though someone had clicked on the lights and suddenly Eric was all too aware of what just happened and a flood of regret filled him so intensely that he felt physically sick. He quickly pushed himself up so he was no longer crushing her but Eric couldn’t move beyond that, he was going into shock with the realization of what he’d just done to Lizzie. This whole time he had been afraid that their first time together wouldn’t be special, thinking that he was just so completely desensitized to sex that when they got to it he’d hate it just as he had hated it when it was his job. Never once had this scenario played through his mind. He had never imagined ever having to say anything like that ever again, yet it just all slipped out...and to Lizzie of all people.
Eric’s hands clenched at the bedding beneath him as he fought against a deep feeling of nausea rising up within. He swallowed it back. Each breath he took was audible yet drowned out by his own pulse pounding away in his ears. He shut his eyes as she asked him what just happened. He was trying so hard to calm down but he just couldn’t. Not after everything he had just said to her. Not after everything he had just put her through. Not while he was sitting so close to her. And while internally he was screaming wanting to deny enjoying it all, externally Eric couldn’t answer her. He couldn’t even look at her.
But then he did. Or he tried at least. Eric’s eyes opened, staring down at the bed with his mother’s cross in his line of sight, swaying at his neck from all his movement. He then braved a glance towards her, just enough to see her clutching the comforter but not enough to meet her gaze. And his mouth opened as though to respond, but then all at once he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Eric couldn’t even stumble through one of his usual string of apologies. He was just so completely overwhelmed with this guilt, shame and embarrassment that all reason and sense left him. And then soon enough he left with them. Eric still hadn’t spoken as he leaned back away from Lizzie at first before completely slipping off the bed. He just barely remembered to grab his shirt from the floor but rather than immediately put it on he instead held it all bunched up to his mouth. He breathed through the fabric, trying to calm his racing heart and ignore the nausea still simmering inside as he made a beeline for the bedroom door.
Just like last night Eric went first to the bathroom. He let his shirt drop to the tile floor as soon as the door was shut but rather than another shower he opted to just lean over the sink; splash some water on his face while he just breathed for a couple minutes. Ultimately Eric’s panic was short lived and quickly transformed to specifically being afraid of facing Lizzie. The nausea was gone. His heart had calmed and Eric was okay now, apart from the scene playing on a loop in his head. He had thought he would never have to become that person ever again, and yet it had come out while he was with the person he loved, trusted and felt safe with. Lizzie never ever should have had to see that piece of him, yet it happened. How were they supposed to come back from this now?
All their “fights” had clear faults and misunderstandings. Someone did something and it upset the other person. But this? This wasn’t him. Not consciously at least. And Lizzie certainly hadn’t done anything wrong. But how was he supposed to go apologize for this? How were they supposed to move past this?
After drying off and slipping back into his shirt, Eric found himself standing outside the bedroom door, trapped in this state of wanting so desperately to be with her and to fix this, but also being oh so terrified of knowing what she must think of him now.
”Eric?”
He turned to see Malcolm in the double doors to the common room, hands covered in what he could only assume was flour and his sleeves rolled to his elbows— well, one sleeve was. The other had clearly fallen, ”Could you help me?” Malcolm lifted his arm with the problem sleeve and Eric caught on right away. He let out a soft breath as he crossed over to help Malcolm with his sleeve, the tension visibly leaving his shoulders upon choosing to not go back into the bedroom to face Lizzie.
Eric ended up following Malcolm back into the kitchen, getting himself involved in whatever he was cooking….turns out he was baking actually. Croissants to be specific. Eric just really needed a distraction and space away from Lizzie to process it all. Yet he constantly caught himself glancing back towards the double doors to the hallway. Sometimes he thought he heard someone, other times he just wished he had.
But the thing with croissants was that it was a multiple day ordeal. Malcolm informed him that while they were starting the dough tonight, they wouldn’t actually be ready to eat until tomorrow, ”What time will you be home tomorrow? I can wait if you want to finish them with me.” At first Eric turned him down, not wanting to be a burden of any sort. But Malcolm was very insistent that he should see this project through to the end. Fruits of his labor and all that.
”Lizzie’s home right? We should see if she wants to watch too.” The croissant dough was in the fridge for the night by now and Eric was settled on the couch in front of the TV. After talking him into baking he had now talked him into watching this movie with him and while Eric had welcomed the back to back distractions, Malcolm now mentioning Lizzie sort of ruined the illusion of it all. Eric’s eyes flickered back to the double doors but before he could even think up any sort of excuse Malcolm had already crossed the room saying he’d go ask her, leaving Eric to hold his breath and strain his ears trying to hear them talking across the hall.
In the end he couldn’t hear anything but Malcolm returned saying Lizzie was waist deep in work so it’d probably be best to just let her be. There was a slight tease to his voice as though hinting that Eric was the distraction they needed to keep away from her so she could work. And while technically true, tonight’s particular situation made that hard to hear and he just stared back at the hall while Malcolm gathered snacks and drinks.
Throughout the beginning of the movie Eric continued to struggle to focus on it, and when he heard a door open and shut he immediately turned expecting to see Lizzie coming out to find him only, ”Hey~ Welcome home. Long day?”
Malcolm was instead greeting Olivia and Eric wordlessly looked back towards the TV as he pulled his birthday blanket closer and adjusted his position on the couch, ”Yeah, I’m just glad it’s over….where’s Lizzie?”
It seemed to be everyone’s question tonight as soon as they recognized that she wasn’t at Eric’s side. But Eric didn’t respond to Olivia’s question, he didn’t even glance back towards her. Had he then maybe he would have noticed the look his flatmates exchanged, but Eric just forced himself to focus on the movie and not pay any attention as Malcolm briefed Olivia that Lizzie was busy with work stuff.
His plan sort of backfired though. Or at least, that is to say that Eric failed to focus on the movie and it wasn’t long before he fell asleep all wrapped up in his blanket. Their double date yesterday, then last night’s sexpedition, his overnight and now this with Lizzie...Eric had barely slept with all of that and he had crashed hard shortly after Olivia came home. The entire movie was lost on Eric and he didn’t open his eyes again until deep into the credits when he was gently shaken awake, ”Hey…” Olivia waited until she was sure Eric was awake enough to process her words before continuing, ”You fell asleep, you should go get in bed.”
”Eric?” He could see the concern growing on her face the longer he stayed silent. She had gotten the rundown from Malcolm that he hadn’t seen the flat’s couple together all evening, but that conflicted heavily with how excited Eric had been earlier in the day talking about their one month anniversary. It was pretty clear that Olivia was weighing her options now. Question Eric about this sudden slump he seemed to be in, or just take care of him for the night and try to get a better grasp of it all in the morning after her best friend got the sleep he so clearly needed. Yeah you can guess which she chose.
”C’mon, up.” He didn’t say much but he also didn’t put up much of a fight at the prospect of returning to his room. This only further confused Olivia about what was going on between him and Lizzie, but surely it couldn’t be that bad considering he was still willingly in the flat and cooperating with her, albeit a bit reluctantly.
Eric’s nerves were through the roof as he entered the bedroom. He was honestly still so scared to face her but being away from her all night had reached a point that it physically hurt. He was so reliant on her for everything, and not having her these past hours was destroying him— seeing the state of things in the room did not make him feel any better either. The light was still on but when he looked over to Lizzie he found that the mess that used to be their bed all disheveled from their earlier activity was now replaced with papers. A lot of papers. Malcolm hadn’t been exaggerating when he said Lizzie was waist deep in her work. But there in the middle of it all was Lizzie herself fast asleep and Eric felt a pang in his heart knowing now that she had literally been in here working herself to death— sleep. While he had been in the common room ever hopeful that she would come out and magically fix things like she always did, Lizzie had isolated herself in here and thrown herself into her work. He approached the bed softly and just stood there for a moment to watch her sleep. He had been so scared to look at her earlier, but now he found he couldn’t look away.
At last Eric did move and he went about carefully tidying the papers and left them as neatly organized as he could manage on her desk. Then after changing into sleep clothes he took a slow breath before turning off the overhead light and then ever so gently climbing over Lizzie to get to his spot on the
He fell asleep assuring himself that they would talk things out in the morning. After all, hadn't that been their trend? They very rarely dealt with things immediately after the fact. Only, when Eric woke up it was to an empty bed, ”Lizzie?”
Silence. She wasn’t in the room with him. He sat up in bed but wasn’t quite worried yet. She had probably just run to the bathroom and would be back shortly. Or maybe she was in the kitchen to grab some water and she would come back to bed soon. Eric kept trying to convince himself that there was some very boring and simple reason why she wasn’t in bed when it was still so early in the morning, but it didn’t take long before he felt like he had waited long enough and he got up to go find her in the flat. He was still nervous at the prospect of running into her but a part of him was too panicked over her vanishing to care about last night’s rift between them.
And that panic only intensified after walking through the flat and not finding her, or any sign of her anywhere. Had she left? Had she left him? Had she been taken? Had she been taken from him? Every possible worst case scenario was racing through his head as he fumbled with his iPod now in the common room.
where are you?
And then a few minutes later:
lizzie
She still hadn’t replied, and normally it wouldn’t be so alarming since she was usually in class or at work so some delay was to be expected. But it was so early in the morning still!
are you okay?
Eric was quick to call her just a couple minutes after his third text, and then again when she didn’t answer his first call. He was slipping on his jacket with keys in hand to go looking for her when Lizzie finally texted back and Eric just stared down at the bare minimum message. He suddenly felt a little embarrassed for having overreacted thinking something had possibly happened to her. But then a new feeling quickly settled in, it was this awkwardness that stemmed from not knowing how to interact with her now. Was it okay for him to call her out on having worried him? After all she had done the same to him before. Was it okay to say he missed her? Would it be too much to say he needed her? Should he ask if she was suffering with this the same way he was?
As tired as he was, there was no going back to bed after that scare. But he also wasn’t entirely ready to see Lizzie whenever she got home. She was okay. Or at least wasn’t in immediate danger, and so Eric himself went about getting ready and left for work early so as to further postpone the awkwardness that was sure to come when they eventually were face to face. In fact Eric likely would have found something else to occupy himself with to stay out of the house after his shift ended had Malcolm not texted saying he made dinner and a reminder to hurry home so they could finish their croissants.
It was like last night all over again. Eric kept looking up at every noise and even when there was silence he would glance expectantly to the double doors.
”Can we add chocolate to some of them?” Eric’s sudden question caught Malcolm a little by surprise as Eric finally looked over to him after staring at the door for a particularly long period of time, ”Uhm, Lizzie really likes chocolate croissants…” The flat chef just smiled back at him with an, ”Of course!” Before turning to the cabinets to fetch suitable chocolate to add into these last few doughs they still had to shape into croissants.
The few times Eric and Lizzie crossed paths he really wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know if she was even looking at him, he couldn’t meet her gaze still and that heavy guilt and shame just glued him in place until he could tell she had passed him at which point Eric’s eyes would move to watch her leave. He hated this so much. Everytime he found the courage to go talk to her he would freeze up just outside whichever room she was in at the time….because what was there for him to say that would make things better? He couldn’t take back anything he had said or done. This wasn’t a simple miscommunication issue. This was painfully real and something he had never ever intended to share with her— or anyone really. He wasn’t even comfortable addressing the topic with himself, so how on earth was he supposed to talk to Lizzie of all people about it?
He wouldn’t. That’s how. Eric went all of Wednesday avoiding anything that might lead to a serious conversation, with anyone. But as it grew dark out he was all too aware of what tomorrow was, especially when Olivia approached him in the hall with a nondescript handled paper bag and a cautious side glance as though questioning whether this was the right thing to do. Eric too was a little hesitant now. What had felt like a good idea yesterday morning was now turning into a pit of anxiety in his stomach. But he still handed over the money he owed Olivia for her help and she took it without her usual fuss over not needing to pay her back. While he hadn’t exactly told her anything about his and Lizzie’s current situation, she would have had to be completely dense to have not picked up on it by now. She knew this wasn’t the time to harass him about needless money spending, not this time at least.
Eric was late to fall asleep that night too after once again camping out in the common room for as long as he could reasonably manage. However as Thursday morning arrived, it was now his turn to sneak out of bed ridiculously early. Lizzie was still asleep in bed and neither of the girl’s alarm clocks should be going off for at least another hour. Once safely out of the bedroom, Eric’s first stop was the bathroom to pee and wash up and hopefully not look as shitty as he felt with his back to back nights of minimal sleep. But at last he ended up in the kitchen, and after all his prep work was taken care of he took a seat at the kitchen island with a pen and a blank page ripped from his notebook. And then another page….and another…. It seemed like nothing he wrote was anywhere near enough and he went through several failed drafts which were all balled up in the trash before he finally settled on something that felt acceptably sweet without being cheesy or completely unlike him.
Happy one month anniversary to my most beautiful, patient, loving, caring and perfect girlfriend. I don’t know if you know it, but you are really special to me and I can’t imagine my life without you in it.
Love you,
Forever & Always
Love you,
Forever & Always
Eric wasn’t planning to stay in the room to wait for her, he was too nervous to face her still despite this icebreaker. But as he made his way back towards the door to return to the kitchen, a phone’s alarm went off disrupting the silence and stopping Eric in his tracks as he glanced back to his sleeping love to gauge whether he still could escape or if she was already waking up.
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