xoxo ◣ i should °TELL YOU ⋮⋮ feelsHASkilig && JINFINITE

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121718-----------❖ LOCATION — bookstore - west hampstead-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

It was very difficult for Lizzie to hide the concern on her face. Watching as Eric initially moved his food around the plate brought back the rare, but occasional memories she had of Lacey over the years. There was no doubt that her best friend was better than the years before they met, but she still knew the stories. But it was this knowledge that made Lizzie notice the once in a while occasion when Lacey slowly made her way through the food on her plate. She would finish it, but it would take much longer than usual. It would involve a lot of Lacey plucking up whatever conversation topic she could while her fork would swim around the plate moving the food around until it would eventually stab or shovel whatever was nearby and she took a slow, but careful bite. Even though she knew Eric wasn’t like Lacey, she couldn’t help the worrying feeling deep in the pit of her stomach.

Thankfully, the sickening feeling didn’t sit in her stomach for much longer. After the first few bites, Lizzie felt her shoulders relax. She was then able to focus on her own food when the time between bites lessened exponentially. Finally, Eric was eating well again.

There was, however, one more test.

“Babe, do you wanna try this? It’s pretty good,” she asked, using her fork to point at the food on her plate. Although she had insisted that Eric order something off the menu that he would be at least minutely interested in, she had other plans for her selection. While she did, of course, choose an item off the menu she found interesting, she also made sure that the portion size of said item was bigger than she usually chose. She held onto the hope that if whatever Eric chose ignited the hunger he obviously felt after the last couple days, he would go right ahead and help her finish her plate.

Imagine her excitement when Eric moved closer to her side of the table so that he could grab a bite of her food. When it came to Eric, she really had a hard time hiding her true emotions.

The worry Lizzie initially felt since they left the flat slowly died down the longer they sat in the restaurant. It was as if a weight lifted off both of them and they could just be...normal. Well, at least as normal as Lizzie could get. As happy as she was to see signs of her old Eric back, she could still feel herself holding back some.

When Eric moved to her side of the table, Lizzie initially tensed when their legs touched. It wasn’t something she did on purpose. Perhaps it was the last couple days leaving an effect on her response to Eric’s proximity to her. To combat her lingering hesitancy, she went back to distracting Eric with conversation. If there was anything she knew about her boyfriend it was that he could watch and listen to her speak until the end of days. And honestly, the conversation helped distract her too. Especially when Eric first placed his hand on her thigh. Obviously, there wasn’t much to the gesture. It was such a staple in their relationship. But after all they went through since Saturday, Lizzie was just not ready to trust herself with Eric when it came to physical contact.

But other than her own touch fears, things just seemed to gradually be getting back to normal between them. This only further proved to Lizzie that just getting out of the flat for an hour or two would do wonders for them.

So when Eric asked if they could explore the area, there was no hesitancy in her response when she agreed. He was right; she’s never been around here before and she was mildly curious about some of the shops they passed on their way here. She noticed that many of them were thrift stores and was actually curious to check what selections they might have. Whether she was actually going to get something was another issue she would think about at the moment.

“Actually,” she considered now once their server walked away with their paid bill, “This is perfect. ‘Cause I think I saw a bookstore down the street on our way here? Since the dinner is now tonight I’m now hella on a time crunch to find a gift. We’re supposed to do, like, a white elephant tonight and it’s only supposed to be a book or books; depending on the price ‘cause we have a budget of £20. Can we check that out first before we find me some coffee?”

Having only been in London for almost three months, Lizzie still had a hard time adjusting to the weather. Just when she thought the daily commutes in the morning trained her body enough to handle the winter cold, she would unfortunately be mistaken. Today was no different. Having grown comfortable to the warmth in the restaurant, both from the atmosphere and the heater they were obviously blasting, the moment she and Eric stepped back outside, she honestly thought her body would go into shock. Whether she was being overdramatic or not is up for debate. The moment the first gust of wind pushed against her, she immediately hugged her heavy jacket around her tiny frame and literally hopped the one giant step closer to Eric. Before she knew it, her one brave hand clung to his for any chance of warmth.

Whether Eric actually knew the area or not, Lizzie let him lead them down the street. This at least allowed her the opportunity to look around them at the different shops they passed on the way to the bookstore.

Considering it was both morning and a work day, Lizzie was not surprised to find that they were the only customers when they entered the bookstore. In fact, it looked like the owner was the only one minding the store. They were greeted the moment they stepped foot inside and asked if they were looking for anything in particular. Initially Lizzie answered that they were probably just going to browse the store for a bit, but with the help of some carefully chosen words and questions, she and the owner ended up tossing around ideas of what kind of books she should consider for her white elephant gift.

“It’s alway so tricky when your friend group are English majors, isn’t it?” the owner teased with a laugh. “Please let me know if I can help you with anything else!” At that, they were left alone to browse the store. This time, though, Lizzie had some idea where to focus her attention.

“Babe, what do you think? Should I go for something fiction or nonfiction?” she asked, pulling her attention away from the couple titles she had in each hand to look up at Eric. Despite the store being rather small, she noticed that Eric hadn’t exactly gone off on his own to explore his own interest while she was on her mission. Sure, he’ll take a step or two away to eye a book title, but the moment she moved on he followed right behind her. Were she not too preoccupied with her mission, she probably would have been a bit concerned about it. But, as it was, she more so utilized the easy access to a second opinion for the time being.

Obviously Sophie had some very evil intentions when she suggested this literary themed white elephant. She had to have realized that it was just impossible to find a book for English majors. Where does one even start???

“I lowkey can’t help feeling worried that whoever gets mine will, like, already have it. ‘Cause, I mean, like, there is technically a chance someone else will be like, ‘Hey I don’t have that one, I’ll take that’ and done deal, but that can also be, like, a small chance.” Lizzie put away the book title she had in her left while turning the one in her right hand around to read the back. She immediately pouted thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll give nonfiction a second thought later…” she decided as she put that book title back on the shelf as well. With a low hmm under her breath, she moved to the opposite wall of books.

“Here is another thing to consider,” she continued after browsing a couple more shelves. Once more she looked away from the countless book titles to make eye contact with Eric. “I could take the lazy route and just pick a book that I would find interesting. Like, personally interesting. But that lowkey leaves the dilemma of, like, leaving me feeling kinda not satisfied because I’m gonna want the book myself. So then is it possible to find a book that I would find interesting, but be able to walk away like ‘I’m gooooood.’”

Obviously, Lizzie was going to need more time to consider her options….​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121718-----------❖ LOCATION — the car-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

Fiction. Eric’s vote was definitely for fiction. After all he had spent his entire life escaping away into fictional universes and immersing himself in the worlds his favorite characters lived in. Because anywhere was better than here— err...well not here like right now here. Of course he was happy as could be at Lizzie’s side. But life as a whole did not treat him kindly, and so of course he would rather sit for hours with a fiction book than read about anything real. He dealt with reality enough as it was, like how even right now being here with the love of his life still came with its own struggles. It was so exhausting dealing with his own life, rooting for someone else’s success was just easier. Because what fiction book didn’t have a happy ending? And when would it be his turn for a happy ending?

See it would normally have been second nature for Eric to move to stand directly behind her. To wrap his arms around her waist and read the book titles over her shoulder. But not today. Today there was space to breathe between them, and maybe even enough for a child to stand between them, but just barely. Everytime she moved away there was a subconscious alarm sounding off in his head and he felt a pressure to take the extra step or two towards her. And it gave him instant relief when he did, and so Eric followed her close like a duckling as she moved with her search for the perfect gift.

Giving gifts didn’t come so easily to Eric as it obviously did to Lizzie. Well, she was clearly struggling at the moment, but only because she was being so extra thoughtful about it. Here she was stressing over what was supposed to be a fun book exchange because she was worried someone would have already read the book she chose. But, wasn’t that the risk one took with all gifts? There was always a chance that someone already had what you bought them, or that someone else would buy them the same gift. Eric on the other hand rarely had this dilemma; in all his 25 years old life he had only bought a handful of gifts. He of course would have loved to be able to shower others in presents, but it just wasn’t feasible with his situation. In fact his little anniversary gift to Lizzie had been the first he had really given in a couple years.

No, focus Eric. Now is not the time for reminiscing or worrying for the future. Now is the time for helping Lizzie pick a book, ”Aren’t you overthinking this, love?”
This felt so much better now. Being able to talk face to face about something that wasn’t them. Something that didn’t relate to their own feelings or relationship. Something he could look her in the eye and confidently share his opinion without stumbling over his words or being terrified of how she would react, ”After all you aren’t picking for anyone in particular. Everyone else has the same dilemma: not knowing if anyone already has the book. Why don’t you just pick something you’ve already read? Maybe something on the not as popular side...but at least if you’ve already read it then you can rest assured it’s a good book. If you get something unknown and obscure just to be sure no one has read it….what if it ends up not being any good? I feel like that’s worse than the risk of getting a copy of a book you’ve already read.”

He went quiet after that, both to give Lizzie a place to respond but also because that had been the most he had spoken at once in days and it even took him a little by surprise. All they had really discussed lately had been their traumatic bedroom escapades, and any other conversations were more so short simple answers. Things his anxiety could handle. But here was Eric’s inner bookworm finally shining through to make a quick appearance after days of his true self being suppressed by darkness.

Like usual though, Lizzie’s voice brought a calming rush of safety over him, even as she turned her back on him so as to reach for another book title that caught her eye as she spoke. He took a careful step towards her, then another, and after one more he was directly behind her, all the while she was talking about this other book she had found. But everything she said met deaf ears, or more like Eric couldn’t hear her over the sound of his own heart pounding away. Finally with a shaky inhale his arms moved to wrap around her tiny frame, but it was immediately glaringly obvious that Lizzie didn’t lean back into him.

It wasn't like this was an innately sexual gesture, at least not for them. This closeness was normal for Eric and Lizzie. It was their baseline—their level one. On a scale of intimacy this was next to nothing for them. This was as easy as breathing for them…but they could barely even do this now. His hands weren’t wandering under the hem of her shirt, his mouth wasn’t on her neck or breathing in her ear, hell he wasn’t even holding her that tightly, but he could feel the tension filling in the space between their bodies.

What was she so afraid of? That’s what confused Eric the most. She had said she was afraid of hurting him, so sure it would make sense for her to not be brave enough to initiate any contact with him, but here he was so desperate to glue them back together and she was pulling away. Almost as though she didn’t trust him—or them to behave with one another.

In an attempt to distract and push them through this, Eric was quick to inquire more about the book in her hand. And he let out a tiny sigh of relief when at last he felt her slightly relax as she spoke. He let his head rest gently against hers while he settled into her soothing voice. She still would not lean into him the way he craved though. In fact it almost felt as though she was trying to balance herself between his arms and his chest in a way that she would barely touch him.

Eric knew better than to push his luck, but when it came to Lizzie he truly had no self control. He tightened his hold, forcing her against him while releasing the breath he had been holding against her neck. He didn’t linger there long and went on to tilt his head just so, leaning in to kiss her—

The spell broke when the bell of the shop door opening rang out and Lizzie’s voice calling his name finally reached his ears. Eric blinked out of the daydream he’d been trapped in, taking note that there was still that three step distance between them and the emptiness in his hands was proof enough that he had never actually been holding her and his lips never against hers, ”Sorry, what?”

How sad was it that even in the fantasy in his own head she would not let him touch her…

Lizzie seemed to have come to some sort of decision regarding her gift dilemma though as she asked for his final input on her choice before they made their way over to the register to pay. She and the shop owner of course took up discussion over the book she ended up choosing, leaving Eric to wait silently at her side. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anything to add to the conversation, and it wasn’t that he was getting lost in the sound of her voice again. No, this time it was a little different, this time it was a silence of impatience. Much like a child waiting on his mother to stop talking to her friend they ran into at the market. It wasn’t as though they had anywhere to be though, in fact if anything Eric didn’t want them to be leaving. But it was the fact that they were and someone else was occupying Lizzie’s attention in that moment. Things were so on and off rough between them lately, but here she was striking up conversation with a complete stranger and getting all enthused over it.

This wasn’t a mad impatience though. No, no. Maybe a smidge annoyed, sure, but it was more like nervous excitement at what was to come next. Or rather the unknown of what was coming next. Would they be okay to go back to the flat now? Had they gotten over this morning’s dramatics? Or were they just going to continue pretending like there was nothing going on between them? Would she let him take her hand? Her waist? Her lips?

Eric ended up not being ready to find out the answers to the endless questions in his head. He was too scared at the prospect of going home just to sit in silence on opposite sides of the room. But being unable to verbalize his fear, he instead found an alternative way to deal with it: avoid the problem and find a distraction— a reason to not go back yet.

”D’you want to go in?” Of course he had noticed the second her eyes had wandered and the way she stared into the window of the bakery next door once they were back on the street. Eric watched the shiver run down her spine at being outside after having been in the toasty warm bookstore for so long. He wanted so badly to just trap her in a bear hug and squeeze her blood back into circulation. To open his coat and feel her against him beneath it as she burrowed into his own body heat...like that night on the doorstep of her family’s airbnb.

Truthfully, Eric was still hungry. And after he admitted to it the two of them were hurrying next door into the bakery. Yesterday he likely would have been nauseous over it, but smelling all the baked goods now just added to his hunger. It seemed they weren’t the only ones to have baked goods in mind though, after being the only customers in the bookstore they were now severely out numbered. Eric just barely managed to make out Lizzie saying something about “I got this” and whatever “Porto’s” was before she braved her way closer to the counter. Or tried to at least.

A split second of brief panic welled up inside him as she moved away, ”Li— “ And Eric’s hand instantly flew up to grab at the back of her jacket, tugging at the fabric like a lost kid in a crowd of a thousand faces. Gone was whatever jealousy had been simmering inside him over the bookstore owner, and gone was the fix he’d gotten through brunch before that. Eric’s insecurities flared up so easily now, but he refused to let them completely shut him down again. As Lizzie turned back to look up to him he slowly loosened his hold on her jacket and let the fabric slip from his fingers. His hand dropped down to find hers instead while his eyes braved meeting her head on in his silent plea for contact.

Nothing more came from that moment. The fear quickly dissipated as Lizzie led the way towards the counter and it was almost as though nothing had happened. Almost. Eric could feel her caution in the way she struggled between giving him the comfort he wanted and holding herself back, but they were able to move past it much quicker now compared to last night’s meltdown.

By the time they got back to the car Eric had finished off two pastries from the bakery while Lizzie carried a box of the remaining ones that were to be brought back to share with their flatmates. It was cold inside the little red Ford. It wasn’t quite as unbearable as when he first went out that morning to warm it up, but they had been gone several hours now and the temperature inside had dropped to match the London air outside.

Lizzie was rubbing her hands together in an effort to create warmth through friction and Eric could no longer fight his autopilot. He reached over, easily taking both of her hands in his one and bringing them up towards his face whilst leaning closer so as to kiss the cold off her fingers. It was only after that he realized his actions and slowly released her, forcing his focus to the buttons of the car’s climate control as he cranked up the heat.

”We’ll probably be home by the time it finishes warming up,” He didn’t say he was sorry, he didn’t need to. The apologetic tone to his voice was enough. This…thing between them was just proving to be harder and harder on him. He was losing the battle against literally everything about them that normally came so effortlessly. How was he supposed to move on like this? It was torture being so close yet so far from her. But as desperate as he was to hold her like before, Eric would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little scared himself. Would it happen again? Was he too broken; programmed to fear the love of his life.

”What time is the party?” That didn’t matter to Eric, he would be showing up later after his meeting. But he just needed something to fill the silence to keep himself from spilling his emotions all over her again. Anything to get her talking and keep them distracted while he shifted into first gear to pull out of the parking spot.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121718-----------❖ LOCATION — common room-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Lizzie bit down gently on her bottom lip watching as Eric’s lips pressed softly against her fingers. It surprised her that her body didn’t tense from the contact when she had every single time this morning. Something about it felt so...right. Of course, it didn’t take Lizzie very long to know exactly why this was so. As soon as Eric pulled away to focus on turning up the heat in the tiny car, she felt the longing rush through every part of her body. God, she missed him so much. The effects of his perfect lips just brushing against her skin was like a gateway drug; it was so addictive. After days being without even the most innocent of kisses, the distance and loneliness was palpable. If only he could understand that this was killing her just as much as it was him.

“Um…” Lizzie cleared her throat, an attempt to clear her mind. She forced herself to think about the question Eric just asked. What time was the party tonight again?

No, her brain couldn’t process the answer on its own. It was too busy thinking about how just for that single second she completely forgot about London’s wintry chill to marvel in the warmth Eric’s kiss brought her. A detail she should know off the top of her head completely vanished. She could practically feel the emptiness in the part of her mind where the time of the party was stored. It very quickly was being replaced by the memory of three seconds ago.

“Hang on, lemme check,” she finally said, balancing the box of pastries strategically on her lap while she rummaged through one of her coat pockets for her phone. She could feel Eric’s eyes on her while he waited for the oncoming traffic to pass so that he could safely pull into the street. She quickly pulled up the group chat with her friends and scrolled up to the text listing the confirmed time of the party. “Anna said we can start coming over around six, but we probably won’t eat ‘til like seven.”

A chill ran up Lizzie’s spine when Eric pulled into the highway. He was right, the heater in his little car took a while to get the job done despite the small area it had to cover. In response to the chill, she hugged her coat tighter around her body. As she pressed her legs together, she caught movement in the corner of her eye. A second later, Eric’s arm rested across her legs, pulling them closer to the center. She looked up at him, but he was so focused on the road to return her gaze. After a slow exhale, Lizzie loosened her grip on her coat and shifted her body to point in his direction. She then wrapped one arm around his while her other hand took his. Just lacing their fingers together brought back some warmth. Even though it was so cold, how is it that he was always so warm?

This contact was on and off the entire drive back to the flat. Not by choice, of course. Every so often, Eric needed his hand back to change gears, but he would always return his arm to rest across her legs. The longest time they spent apart was when he commented that he wanted another one of the pastries she bought at the bakery they passed by earlier. This excuse Lizzie supported greatly. She hoped when she bought the pastries that it would help regain Eric’s appetite. That was why she bought more than she probably should have; even Eric questioned why she was buying so many. Looks like her little plan played off. She smiled watching Eric take a bite of the danish she handed him.

“Oh, it looks like everyone left for the day,” Lizzie commented after they turned into Boundary and pulled up in front of the flat. “I think the boys said they were gonna do some last minute shopping for their trip, so I guess it makes sense they took Malcolm’s car. But damn, even Olivia drove her car today.” She carefully stared at the spot directly in front of the flat, craning her neck into Eric’s space to peek around the van that was now parked where Olivia’s car was earlier. “Oh, looks like the boys took the bins out before they left. Do you think they collected the trash already? Maybe I can bring the bins in so you can take the spot.” As much as she preferred not to get out of the car, this was a necessary evil to avoid having to walk back to the flat from the next empty spot.

Once Eric turned on the hazard lights, Lizzie zipped up her coat then handed over the box of pastries. She took a deep breath then braced for the cold as she opened her door and stepped out of the car. She immediately regretted her mental complaints about Eric’s car heater. It actually was doing its job. As soon as she closed the door, she rushed over to the bins sitting right on the curb in front of the flat and opened the nearest one to take a quick peek inside. Sure enough, it was empty. She gave Eric a quick thumbs up before hopping onto the sidewalk to pull the bins out of the street and into the lawn. They can worry about actually bringing the bins in momentarily.

It was lucky that Eric’s car was small because Lizzie was certain she probably would have rushed into the flat instead of waiting for him to parallel park into the spot. After pulling into the spot in one shot, Lizzie finished the last step of her little dance in her attempt to keep warm then walked over to take her purse that Eric handed over the top of the open door. She was just about to reach for the box of pastries when Eric insisted that he can bring them inside. She led the way back to the flat once he checked that all the doors were locked.

“I don’t know about you, but I am dying for a hot shower right now,” Lizzie said as she unzipped her boots. “I know it’s probably going to be, like, a very temporary solution ‘cause as soon as I leave the bathroom I’m going to be cold again. But, I mean, like twenty minutes just standing in a hot shower is better than nothing at all, right?” Whether or not Eric actually agreed with her argument, Lizzie decided the moment she stepped foot into the flat to take that shower.

Instead of following her into their bedroom, Lizzie overheard Eric’s feet shuffle across the hallway into the common room. Perhaps it was just to drop off the pastries in the kitchen. But when he didn’t come back in what she estimated was an appropriate enough time to make the drop off, she figured he probably made camp on one of the couches instead. She sighed then turned off the space heater. Looks like they were probably going to spend more time in the common room today.

Just as she suspected, she found Eric sitting on the couch in the common room. “I’ll be real quick, promise,” she said then walked away from the open double doors toward the bathroom.

As she waited for the water to heat up, Lizzie stared blankly at the closed bathroom door. A thought crossed her mind that a second later left her with a heavy feeling in her chest. She hugged the towel tightly around her with a deep sigh. Even if she tried to banish the thought out of her mind, the damage was already done. The pain of the thought lingered as she hung her towel on the rack and climbed into the shower.

She wished Eric was with her right now.

Her hot shower was a bit longer than she initially expected, especially since she decided against washing her hair. She spent the first part of her shower trying to wash away the thoughts she had about her and Eric, such as the beginning stages of the sensations boiling within her at the images her mind created. Of course, she wasn’t very successful. Even as she dried herself off and climbed out of the shower, the phantom touches created by her imagination and memories lingered on her skin. These phantom touches soon evolved to a deep longing while she changed into her oversized college sweater and a pair of leggings.

Eric was already watching her when she appeared at the double doors. While she crossed the distance from the doors to the couch, he remarked on the fact that she was wearing her hair down. “Are you that used to my ponytail?” she teased as she walked around the center table to sit beside him.

Whether it was her earlier thoughts or a miscalculation, Lizzie ended up falling onto Eric’s lap instead of right beside on the couch. The reaction time between them was quick. There was no chance for either of them to back out or correct the error...if it was even an error. As soon as Lizzie’s weight rested on Eric, she felt his arms immediately wrap around her waist. In response, she wrapped an arm around his shoulders while her free hand rested on his wrist.

When her eyes found his, she thought she would melt right then and there. Her attempt to apologize for her misstep faded away with her deep exhale. In fact, any attempt to speak failed while staring into his deep ocean eyes. A whole sea of emotions washed over her. She once again felt the longing that rose up inside her earlier in the bathroom. She also felt the deep sadness of the last couple days. The hurt as she carried since hearing the secrets he shared with her. But most of all, she drowned in how much she missed him. She missed his touch. The way he looked at her. The way his steady breath felt against her skin. The sense of security when he held her. God, she missed him so much.

Lizzie gently squeezed his wrist. In response, she felt his arms pull her closer. She took a deep breath, using this moment to break eye contact to look down at their embrace. This all just felt so right. She belonged in his arms. But...she knew this moment was only almost perfect. She knew that even as they held each other, she was still holding herself back in the way she kept her hand on his shoulder as opposed to caressing the back of his neck or running through his hair. And in the way she arched her back slightly so that her chest was not pressed against his. And in the way she turned her head slightly away so that their lips were not directly facing each other. She missed this; craved this. But even now, she was still afraid that one wrong move on her part would shatter them once again.

It was hard to say just how long they sat like this. There was a kind of shared acknowledgment between them that if either of them made even the smallest of wrong moves all of this would crumble and the reality of their situation would tear them apart. As Lizzie brushed her thumb lightly across the side of Eric’s wrist, she quietly pondered over how they could rebuild their little bubble and fortify it so that the rest of the world could no longer hurt them. She wanted so badly to have her Eric back. But short of turning back time to before the trauma, she didn’t know how.

She knew they couldn’t depend on these small victories for the rest of their lives. They would never survive if that was the case. She knew that they could only work if they worked together as a team and played to their strengths.

So, with a deep breath, Lizzie once more looked Eric in the eyes and parted her lips to speak.

“Listen,” she started slowly, focusing more on her thumb brushing against his skin than the sudden shift in the way he looked at her when she spoke. She could practically see whatever temporary happiness he felt fade away. “I wanted to say something about what we talked about this morning.” She dropped her other hand off his shoulder to rest on his arm. “All I want is for you to feel safe with me. And yes, I know that is exactly what you told me this morning, but...I find it a little hard to agree with that after what I did to you.” Her gaze dropped from his. “I’m so sorry for how much I’ve hurt you these past couple days. Please believe me that I’m not doing this intentionally. I’m not trying to punish you or anything. I’m not, like, suddenly disgusted at the idea of being with you. All I want is to be with you; to have all of you.”

Each time Eric’s grip loosened or tightened, she paused to regain her composure and kept her head clear. It was difficult getting the words out that she wanted to say, but she had to soldier on to make sure she got her point across; that he understood.

“I’ve been thinking about our talk at JD a while back. About starting all over and taking things slow. I’m not saying we should start all over. The truth is I don’t think we can. But maybe we can slowly work our way back to the point where all that mattered was how much we wanted each other. It may not seem like it now, but I think we can get there.” Lizzie watched Eric closely now. “And...I’m more than willing to wait for that moment. I’ll wait for as long as I need to for when you’re ready. I won’t rush you into anything. And I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

She once again squeezed his wrist reassuringly. Then, after a silent pause and some careful consideration, she slowly slid her other hand up his arm to rest against the back of his neck. She watched as his eyes fluttered shut for a moment, as his face momentarily softened. For that short moment, she watched as her Eric returned. “I love you, Eric. So if and when you’re ready for us to make love, I want to make sure that you’ll feel safe with me again.”

After their talk, Lizzie and Eric very rarely left each other’s side. Although Lizzie did move from sitting on his lap to cuddled up beside him on the couch. The only times they ever left the couch was to grab snacks from the kitchen or bathroom breaks, and only one of those was done separately. With a few hours left together before Eric needed to leave for the band meeting, they set up camp in the common room with Goblet of Fire to keep them company. They couldn’t find anything to watch on TV so what better way to spend the remaining time they had together than with a Harry Potter movie. They couldn’t remember the last movie they watched together, so Lizzie let him pick which one they watched...not surprised at all when he picked the fourth. Not that Lizzie had any complaints. Sure, the fourth was her least favorite, but she would never oppose watching it. At least she got a kick out of calling it Harry Potter and the Roaring Hormones while Eric set up the movie.

“Okay, but like, what about at least actually exploring a relationship with him instead of the whole pen pals thing she did with him in Order of the Phoenix. Or, like, imagine they did have some kind of thing during the summer. Krum’s, like, eighteen or something by the end of Goblet so as long as Quidditch doesn’t get in the way, what’s to stop him from Apparating or whatever to the Grangers to take her on a date?! Girl is totally in her right to date someone else before settling down. Harry and Ron did it, why not her?!” Lizzie somehow opened up a can of worms with Eric when she mentioned to him her opinion that Hermione and Krum should have become a couple. Even as the movie progressed past the Yule Ball, they were still discussing the pros and cons about the possible match. Although, it was more Lizzie throwing out points in her attempt to convince Eric. Whether he actually agreed or not was left unknown, but Lizzie noted a look on his face that told her he wasn’t convinced.

The main menu was still on the screen when Lizzie stirred awake. She honestly had no idea when exactly she fell asleep during the movie. The last scene she remembered was the second task, which was when they stopped discussing Hermione’s love life. Although she could somehow recall snippets of scenes throughout the rest of the movie, whether or not she was remembering them because she woke up at those points or because she just knew the movie by heart was the mystery.

She slowly shifted her weight off Eric and readjusted her position so that she was sitting straight on the couch. “How long have I been out for?” she asked in a low voice. She then leaned forward to grab her phone off the table to check the time. After a quick glance at the time, she turned to look out the nearest window. It really does get dark earlier in London than back in LA.

“What time are you gonna go to the band meeting?” she asked Eric as she pulled up the blanket over her. “Are you going to just wear your work clothes? Or are you thinking of packing it and then changing at the hotel?” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121718-----------❖ LOCATION — outside a & a’s place-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

If someone had told Eric even just a couple hours earlier that Lizzie would end up on his lap and in his arms then he definitely would not have believed them. Not after how things had been between them ever since their disastrous attempt at intimacy. But here she was, torturing, teasing, and healing him all at once.

There was truthfully a small part of him that froze in fear as her voice took a serious tone at the mention of their previous...conversation...if you could even call it that. But physically Lizzie had put herself in such a submissive position, so that in itself was reassuring to know that she wouldn’t be criticizing him for anything or delivering any sort of bad news. And sure enough, as she spoke a relaxing calm sense of security washed over him with her so deep in his personal space. Especially when her hand finally moved to rest against his neck, Eric just about melted into a puddle at her touch. He had craved this for so long. He didn’t need for them to be touching one another in any sort of romantic or sensual way, he just needed contact and closeness. He just needed his arms around her and her hands caressing over his skin.

However, it should be noted that despite that being said, her scent was infiltrating all his senses and upon realizing how close they were it was taking his all to fight the near irresistible urge to lean in and kiss her. That would have gone against literally everything she had just told him. Instead his grip gently tightened around her to keep her grounded against him while his eyes trailed up from those distracting lips of hers to meet her gaze as she promised to wait for him.

He knew better than to argue with her. That is, he knew that saying he was okay and ready right now would not be the slightest bit convincing and could easily ruin this heart to heart moment between them. But it was definitely going to be a difficult situation for him to navigate going forward. She wanted him to feel safe with her, which he did! He truly trusted Lizzie, and more than anything he wanted to be with her—to take their relationship to the next level as they had been trying on and off for so long now. But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared about it. Not of Lizzie, but rather of himself. Would he freak out again if they tried? Would he be able to catch himself in time and control his fears? Or would he mentally black out with that fight or flight reaction again?

How was he supposed to overcome something that he had no control over? Even now as they sat here together, Eric was having to force his focus to stay on Lizzie because he was ready to drown himself in his love for her and just throw everything she had said out the window. Eric was so dangerously weak against Lizzie. On the one hand it meant he would do literally anything she told him, but it also meant that he couldn’t ignore the unspoken either. The way her chest rose and fell with each heavy breath as she had braved through everything she needed to say. The way her eyes kept flitting between looking down at them and then meeting his gaze. Her hand on his neck relaxing him into such a state that under other circumstances he would be fighting to stay awake under her touch. Her legs were glued together off to the side and across the couch, but all it would have taken was one move from him to rearrange her to straddle his hips and pull her 45 kilogram self down against him—

Eric’s finger tips itched for more, but what few rational thoughts remained in him knew better than to go back down that road. Instead they circled back to his previous thought: how was he supposed to overcome this? It wasn’t like a fear of driving where you just had to keep practicing until you were comfortable behind the wheel. This wasn’t exactly something they could practice. It wasn’t fair to either of them to light a match and then douse it with water before they could get a glimpse of what they were after. He was finding it so difficult to picture them together and imagine what the next stage was supposed to look like. Well, the next stage was making love, there was no doubt about it. But how were they supposed to get there? What were the steps they needed to take to get them there? How long were they supposed to wait?

”Okay,” Eric spoke so slowly and the single word rode out on his exhale. His voice was so small, partly just from having not said anything for a minute, but also he lacked her confidence and simply didn’t know what more to do but to agree with her. Okay they would wait until he was ready— until they could be safe and comfortable with one another and not have his past haunting them with every move they made. But how long would that take? He held her gaze while his thoughts raced, trying to put together coherent sentences and contribute his own side towards fixing their relationship.

Despite having literally just agreed with Lizzie, in truth, he didn’t completely agree. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to keep waiting to be “ready”, because what did that even mean? They would be waiting into their graves if she wanted him to completely forget about all his times before her; because those were painful experiences that were permanently etched into his memory. Well, they weren’t so permanent that they were all he thought about...in fact they actually rarely crossed his mind. Eric didn’t go around hurting over this part of his life all the time, but it had come between him and Lizzie now and while Eric didn’t know how to get past this, he at least knew that those memories would never fade until they created their own to replace them. And this indefinite waiting game would not help, which brought him back full circle to the dilemma of moving past this.

“Love, I—“ he had started off so strongly, clearly having something to say on the matter. But Eric had cut himself off and tightened his hold on Lizzie. Not in a bad way though. This wasn’t him desperately clinging to her in an attempt to soothe himself. No, this came from something else, and what gave it away was how his fingers absentmindedly rubbed against her. How his eyes held her gaze instead of dropping the way they did when he was struggling to talk. And how when he did speak again it was in that soft tone that was only ever used within their bubble, not that anyone else was even home to hear him, but these were words that were for her ears alone, “I love you….so much. “

”I’m sorry for dragging you into this—into everything. But it has nothing to do with you—you didn’t hurt me and none of it is your fault,” Eric’s hands squeezed her gently—reassuringly—borderline suggestively, ”It’s a lot...I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling but I just need you to know that it’s not you, or anything you did. Or anything you could do. I know you would never do anything to hurt me.”

He paused for a second while he fought against all his natural instincts concerning Lizzie. Because despite her literally being in his arms, he could still feel the distance between them. That last torturous sliver keeping them off each other, ”I never want us to stop talking—or to— I don’t want to ever go another day without you,”

These past couple days had been so hard on him...on them. Yes he had been hurting, and yes it was partly Lizzie’s fault. But it was not her actions from their bed that were affecting him. It was this feeling that had grown between them. The lack of physical contact and silence when normally they would be inseparable, ”I want you Lizzie, more than anything. I want you all the time. Everyday. I want you here, in my arms every night. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

”I know I don’t say this enough,” Actually, had he ever said it? “But thank you….for staying,” Eric’s eyes finally faltered as he touched on some hard truths, but his hand still rubbed over her leg as his words all spilled out one after another without pause, ”For being so patient and supportive. For everything you've put up with because of me.”

Because where would Eric be without her? Honestly ‘dead in a ditch’ didn’t feel all that far off. Besides all the love and care she devoted to him, Lizzie gave him something to live for. A purpose to get up in the morning and continue his soul sucking existence. Without her in his life, he would just be in this numbing and mindless cycle of overworking himself and giving every penny away to the man who ruined his life. Of course he was still doing that, but Lizzie gave him much needed relief from it all. And more importantly she gave him a goal. With her here beside him, Eric could see the light at the end of the tunnel where before he was convinced that life was cruel and pointless.

”I’m so grateful for you…” Eric was never suicidal by any means, but his life before Lizzie had been so absolutely miserable. But then he met the love of his life, and now he had a reason to push through the hard times….and there were so many hard times...he had so much to make up to her for all that she had done for him. And while he couldn’t make love to her, he could still make her feel his love. He had to make her feel it. To feel how much he loved and needed her. He needed her to understand that even though his words often fell short when expressing himself, she was the only one for him and he couldn't go on without her in his life, ”I love you. And we’ll get there...I promise.”

Besides being grateful for Lizzie herself, he was so relieved and thankful that they had fixed something between them. Obviously they weren’t 110% back to normal or they wouldn’t be loitering in the common room, but things were infinitely better than they had been that morning. Lizzie was curled up beside him and he was able to hold her as tight as he wanted. That painful distance between them had been closed and Eric was finally able to relax back into the safe bubble of a world that Lizzie’s presence created for him.

Harry Potter also helped of course. The wizarding world was their thing, and the cherry on top of fixing their relationship was being able to listen to Lizzie speak so passionately about it. Eric hadn’t said much in the beginning when she made her points about Victor Krum being relationship material, but now as the movie progressed and after letting it sink in more he had his own follow up questions for her, “You don’t think Hermione would be bored with him? I mean...they have nothing in common.“

Pause.

No response.

Nothing.

“Love?” Her silence concerned him just a little bit. Had he said something dumb? Was she preparing all her talking points for why he was wrong? Had she even heard him? But as Lizzie’s lack of response reached the one minute mark, Eric craned his neck to see that she had actually fallen asleep against him.

Eric’s far hand oh so carefully reached across his own body to brush her hair away from her face so that he could see her better. That was one thing he appreciated about her ponytail: it left her gorgeous face visible for him to watch for hours on end like an art student would a framed painting in a museum. But that’s not to say that Eric wasn’t absolutely living for her down hair look, it took his breath away just as easily as the pony did— if not more so. But it did cover her face and fell over his shoulder so much that he was afraid it would tug at her scalp if he made any sort of movement.

With the curtain of hair pushed aside, Eric was able to caress her soft cheek oh so gently with his thumb and leaned over just enough to land a kiss to the top of her head—the shampoo scent was back in full force. His eyes shut briefly, just completely embracing the moment with his entire being before turning his attention back towards the television. He wasn’t exactly watching anymore, Eric’s mind was wandering through that tiny remaining space between them for the remainder of the movie until Lizzie finally stirred and brought him back into the present.

As Lizzie asked about what he was going to wear Eric found himself glancing down as though he had forgotten what he currently wore. He really hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. All morning Lizzie had been his sole focus and truthfully his meeting and shift at the hotel had completely slipped his mind until now. It was a good thing she brought it up because the way Eric’s thoughts had been headed he surely would have forgotten his meeting or gone to it and forgotten his uniform here at the flat. He would have just made things unnecessarily difficult for himself; so as always, thank God for Lizzie.

But so, what was he going to do? Wear his uniform to go meet Freddie and the others? Then to the party later with Lizzie? And his entire overnight shift...that would be a long time to wear those clothes, but it would save him from having to pack his bag and carry it around with him for the rest of the day.

”I dunno…” There was a reluctance to his voice though that gave away that his indecisiveness stemmed from something else. And of course Lizzie, sharp as ever, caught the subtlety and shot him a curious look while he slid deeper into the corner of the couch. With a soft sigh, Eric confessed to not wanting to go. His head rested against the back of the couch, and his body twisted slightly so as to face her, but Eric was silent when Lizzie asked why he no longer wanted to go. Was it not obvious enough already? Was she really going to make him say it out loud? They had just gotten their relationship back to feeling slightly more normal, but now something else had come up to separate them again?

”I’d rather stay here.”
There was a soft intensity in his eyes as they met Lizzie’s, clearly giving away his true desire of wanting to stay here with her. Lizzie’s reminder that they would literally see each other again afterwards did little to soothe his lovesick heart but she did manage to convince him to at least get up and get ready.

Eventually Eric found himself dressed in his work clothes and standing by the front door with her in his arms as they said their goodbyes. He was holding her so tightly. The fabric of her shirt was trapped between a few of his fingers while the others managed to find purchase against her skin for what felt like the first time in forever. His weight leaned into her, leaving very little space between their bodies. This was all a result of the can of worms Lizzie had opened when she sat on him all those hours ago on the couch. Earlier that morning they were so cautious with their every movement, but Lizzie had wordlessly opened the invitation for physical contact to resume and so of course Eric could barely contain himself.

Normally his lips would have hugged her own, locking them together with a desperation that made it seem as though he would never see her again. That was the intensity of their love. But today his ears just barely caught his name escaping those lips he was so fixated on—there was a soft warning tone in her voice as though telling him to not go through with what she knew he wanted.

Eric swallowed hard, blinking away from her lips as he forced his grip on her to loosen. His apology was trapped in his throat while he fought the rest of his body to let go of the feelings and emotions that came so naturally when Lizzie was involved, ”—love you…”

Her arms had snaked up around his neck when she felt him retreating, getting up on her tiptoes to pull him back down into their bubble and his own arms rewrapped around her tiny waist to pull her into a tight hug as she repeated the words back to him.

It wasn’t the goodbye that Eric so physically craved, but it was the closest and fullest contact he had had with her in days and so he soaked up the moment for as long as he could. He found himself resting peacefully in the crook of her neck, his breath heating up a spot on her skin while he just held her in silence for a second. Two seconds. Three, four...his arms adjusted around her, his head raising just enough to be closer to her ear as an ever so fragile, ”...thank you…” slipped out as his fingers squeezed where he held her.

Despite her having never left his side, Lizzie had been in his thoughts non stop since waking up that morning. But if you thought that was a lot, it was nothing compared to how much he thought of her when she wasn’t with him.
”Oiiiii, Earth to Eric Oliver!”
He immediately snapped back to attention, eyes meeting Freddie’s who held a teasing smirk in the corner of his mouth, ”Are you alright mate?” It was clear in Freddie’s voice that he wasn’t asking seriously; he wasn’t concerned over Eric’s distracted behavior. Just, he needed him to leave wherever his thoughts had taken him and return to that room and be with the band.

”Yeah...yeah, uhm..sorry—what did you…?”
”I was asking what songs you wanted to do. We probably have space for two or three.”
”Oh, I dunno…” Despite having known since the holiday party that he would be able to perform his own songs—or covers if he wanted—he had a bit too much going on to dedicate the time into planning his portion of this gig. It left him now rather unprepared which wasn’t like him. Eric was well known in the troupe for being very on top of all things related to rehearsals and shows. But these past few months he had shown an obvious shift in his work ethic.

Well, that was a little harsh. His work ethic was stellar as always. But it was clear to everyone that he wasn’t as on top of everything as he usually was. Distracted really, and unable to get much done outside of rehearsal space. And his secret was out now, all his friends had met his little American girl—but his own personal secret was what had kept him from being able to come to this meeting more prepared. Had he and Lizzie not been trapped on a roller coaster for days then they surely would have put their heads together and come up with a possible set list for him to bring. But as it was, Eric hadn’t put any thought into this meeting until now, but even now he was still stuck thinking about his love instead.

He’d been playing over everything she told him that morning. All the hurt they had both been through. And then also everything he had told her when they got back to the flat. It wasn’t that he regretted saying any of it, it was more that he wished he didn’t have to say it at all. But he couldn’t just wish away this situation. He felt he had so little control over any of it, and so the last thing he could do would be to just ‘decide he’s alright’.

But...wasn’t he? Wasn’t he alright? He wasn’t scared of Lizzie—or anyone really. He had just...slipped out of reality when they were in the heat of it all. So he just had to make sure to stay in the present with her next time. Simple. Easy. It was easy in theory at least. But when would ‘next time’ even be? Lizzie said she would wait for him, and it wasn’t that he doubted her at all. But they really had no frame of reference for how long this would take, and it was absolute torture for Eric to feel this way. To want and need her so desperately but being unable to act on his feelings.

Did she feel this way too? Or had he hurt her too badly? Would she be able to commit to it if he said he was ready? Or did she need more time?

This was all just a blip of all the noise in his head, the reason why he came to this meeting empty handed, and why he found himself apologizing to yet another person for his mistakes, ”Sorry, uhm...I’ve been a bit busy, didn’t have time to pick anything but uhh…”
The cheeky grins had fallen from the others’ faces at the serious tone his voice took, as though they were starting to realize this was something deeper than just dedicating all his time to his girlfriend, ”...sorry,” The whole point of this meeting was to plan rehearsal times and go over set lists so that everyone could familiarize themselves with the music over break before they started. Not having his songs picked would set everyone back and the last thing Eric wanted to do was create more problems for his friends, ”Why don’t you just take my slots? We could do Little Black Dress or—“

”We already are...” Eric’s hand ran stressfully through his hair as a tiny frustrated sigh escaped him. This really wasn’t like him. He clearly hadn’t been able to fully concentrate on the meeting this entire time and at this rate he was just going to drag the entire band down with him, ”Look, why don’t you just let us know when you decide, yeah?”

Yeah okay, sure. But ‘when you decide’ sounded an awful lot like ‘when you’re ready’. Great, so now literally everyone was waiting on him to get his shit together and he hadn’t a clue how to go about doing that. He stared down at his iPod now, the meeting had ended maybe ten minutes ago and after dropping by the restroom he was ready to leave now to meet up with Lizzie. But instead he found his thumbs hesitating over the keyboard in WhatsApp. Would it be too impulsive of him to just tell Lizzie that he didn’t want to wait any longer and that he was ready now? Would she even take him seriously? And was he actually ready? It all circled back to his earlier ponderings about how he would know whether or not he was ready and how to prepare himself for it.

Well, surely rushing in recklessly like usual would not help, so Eric instead composed a quick text to let Lizzie know he was on his way to her and pocketed his thoughts to deal with later.

Honestly, even if he hadn't forced his thoughts away they would have left on their own as the second he laid eyes on Lizzie waiting for him outside he felt butterflies take off in excitement. Suddenly he couldn’t feel the cold London air and all he felt was a deep desire to hold her. Eric’s pace quickened until his arms were wrapping around her tight, her toes just barely able to touch the ground with the force of his hug. But when he set her down and pulled back, the little cloud of his own breath rose up between them and had him hesitating to do what usually came so naturally to him. All he wanted to do was lean down and kiss her breathless...but would she be okay with that? Could he kiss her now or would it just make her uncomfortable? He had vocalized earlier how much he needed her, but she had also made it clear that she needed space. Well, no actually, not exactly space...but she was afraid of triggering his invisible trauma. And so as much as he wanted to taste her candy sweet kiss, the last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable over his own pleasure. That was literally what they had been battling against these past days. So instead Eric bit at the inside of his lip as his eyes got lost in hers, it was like their crush phase all over again, both of them wanting to act on their feelings but neither being comfortable making the first move, ”Hey love…”​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121818 AT LAST-----------❖ LOCATION — the bedroom-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Time slowed now that Eric was gone. But at the same time, Lizzie’s mind was quiet and…well…at peace. The anxiety that weighed her down over the past couple days lifted off her shoulders and she could finally breathe freely again. There were still small remnants of the pain in her chest over the heartbreak and hurt that emerged between her and Eric, but that too was slowly fading with each passing minute.

Lizzie quickly returned to her bedroom in time to pull back the curtain behind her bed enough to watch Eric walk away from the flat. He didn’t seem to notice that she was watching though, but that was okay. She watched him until he was too far away to see.

In an effort to keep herself busy until she had to leave for the get together at Andrew and Anna’s, Lizzie focused on preparing her work bag for tomorrow. She was going to start her new hours for the winter holiday; going to her internship five days a week now that classes were done for the term. On top of her work schedule, she had an early morning seminar that counted for credit through her study abroad program. It was a bit of an adjustment she needed to make starting tomorrow, but nothing that she wasn’t accustomed to already. As a swimmer, she had to adjust to worser schedule changes.

Honestly, Lizzie hadn’t known what to expect earlier when Eric left for the band meeting. A small part of her thought that maybe he would be more reachable since Freddie’s place did have wifi. But his responses to her texts were sparse and far between; leaving her to oftentimes stare longingly at her phone waiting for his next reply when her mind drifted away from her tasks to remind her that she missed her boyfriend. She eventually had to admit defeat that the meeting was most likely going well if he wasn’t responding as much. By the time she needed to get ready to leave for the party, Lizzie put together her work bag for the rest of the winter holiday schedule, got a head start on her seminar class assignments and read a few chapters of this week’s assigned manuscript. Actually, the said manuscript was a surprisingly good read and a small part of her was sad to put it down to change.

It was no surprise to her that she was the first person to arrive at Andrew and Anna’s. After all, Sophie was the one in their friend group that was typically late. And Eddie warned them in advance earlier that he was likely going to be late due to a previous engagement. Whether he was actually going to make it was something that was up for debate between her and the hosting couple.

“Eric is still going to drop by, yes?” Andrew asked as he placed another plate on the small table.

Lizzie looked up over her glass of wine and nodded slowly. “I think the band meeting is supposed to end in the next hour or so, but I dunno. I wouldn’t be surprised if he and the band go over. I think they’re supposed to be scheduling practices and putting together the set list or something.” A lot of the information she conveyed was whatever she got from Eric and Freddie, but mostly Freddie. Ever since the troupe’s Christmas party, she was in contact with a small handful of troupe members. Freddie was one of them and the one she talked to the most. Granted, it wasn’t like they suddenly became fast friends and were now talking every day. It was more so that Freddie provided Lizzie with some updates in regards to Eric’s schedule to help her prepare for the nights he would most likely come home late. Without this knowledge, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself on the nights band practices were held.

Sophie was the only other person to arrive when Eric let Lizzie know the meeting was done and he was now on his way. By now she was familiar with the distance and time it would take for him to get to A&A’s from Freddie’s, but she still pulled up the directions on her phone. Just to make sure that there would be no delays. Save for the typical rush hour traffic throughout the city, it looked like there wouldn’t be much difference in his commute here. She made a mental note of the approximate time he would arrive that way she could wait for him outside to let him in.

Of course, when she told her friends her plan to meet Eric downstairs, she was met with some confused looks. Andrew suggested that they could ring him up when he arrived. After all Eric was familiar with the building. Anna chimed in that they could leave the main entrance door open for him. They didn’t understand why she would volunteer to wait outside in the freezing cold. At least until Sophie teased that she was probably volunteering to wait outside so they could have some alone time together. Although they all knew she was just teasing, it did clear the confusion. A&A quieted their suggestions as Lizzie left the flat. Her cheeks burned red when she heard them laughing before closing the door.

It was lucky there was no rain in the forecast tonight despite the ominous gray clouds all day. Lizzie leaned against the gate, hugging her coat closer to her body. She figured she wouldn’t have to wait too long for Eric. So to stand out in the winter cold for a few minutes to wait for him was a sacrifice she was willing to make just to see him again. And yes, Sophie was right. She wouldn’t mind some alone time before they needed to be social with the others.

Especially if Eddie ended up coming.

She really tried to not let Eddie affect her relationship with Eric. He didn’t, of course. In her mind, Eddie had never been a threat. To her, he was just a friend with whom she shared many common interests. But ever since Eric made it known that he knew Eddie probably felt more for her than she did for him, she suddenly felt that she had to be careful. Not to say that Lizzie didn’t know Eddie had feelings for her. She had her suspicions, but by then she was already so in love with Eric that any other person’s interest in her didn’t matter. But now, Lizzie found that she was more cautious when it came to being around Eddie, especially when she knew Eric would be involved. She would oftentimes try to avoid arising tension whenever she mentioned Eric while Eddie was around or vice versa. And whenever Eddie would text her while she was with Eric, she waited a bit to respond back…usually when he wasn’t paying attention. It wasn’t the best way to go about it, but it was the best she could do for now.

Just as she started considering her options to ensure the get together didn’t get awkward if both guys were in the same room, Lizzie turned her head just in time to see that Eric was standing at the red light waiting to cross. An instant smile spread across her chilled face. All those worrying thoughts slipped from her mind to be replaced with the pure excitement that he was finally here. As he crossed the street, she pushed off the gate to stand and face in his direction. The mixture of excitement and the cold had her doing little hops in place which seemed to have spurred him to walk faster. Or maybe it was his own excitement fueling him to quicken their reunion.

As soon as he wrapped her in his warm embrace, Lizzie breathed a long exhale. She was so happy to see him. Sure, it was only a few hours since they last saw each other at the flat, but after everything they have been through the last couple days, a happy reunion felt like a million dollars. This feeling right at this very moment was everything she wanted and missed. It was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Well..almost….

One look into Eric’s eyes told her everything. She could practically feel the longing he felt for her at this moment. And as she watched his eyes lower from her gaze, she knew what he was thinking. Lizzie stiffened, holding her breath as she watched him gently bite his lower lip. Ugh… How she missed those lips. A phantom pressure tickled at her own lips thinking back to happier memories when the only thing that filled their love bubble was the sweet and tender kisses they shared. She wanted those happy memories back and to be able to create more. But…they have gone so long without the loving kisses they were so used to giving each other so effortlessly. She felt a painful tug in her chest as she wondered if they could handle it. A part of her was afraid to try. Despite hardly having left each other's side these few days, the lack of intimacy left them depraved and hungry for it. Would they survive or would it reopen the wounds this whole day finally managed to patch up?

In the end, they waited and hesitated for too long and the time passed. Guess they weren’t ready to try, but that’s okay. Maybe next time. Maybe.

Lizzie smiled brightly at Eric. Her hands trailed down his arms to take his hands and pull him toward the direction of the entrance to the building. “Come on, let’s head inside. It’s hella freezing!” She led them back inside, punching in the code then pulling the door open.

Instead of heading straight up to A&A’s flat, Lizzie instead paused at the entrance hallway. She turned to look up at Eric again, to once more gaze into his deep eyes. These last months have really trained her to read Eric well. Not exactly like he was an open book, but she felt that she was more attuned to how he was feeling. At least when it came to her. She could almost always tell what he was feeling the moment he looked at her.

“Hey,” she said in a soft voice. She took a step closer, wrapping her arms around his waist inside his jacket. “Everything okay? Did the meeting not go well?”

Eric summarized how the meeting went: how they settled on a working practice schedule and the beginning draft of a set list. When he mentioned that Freddie was offering him two or three slots for his own songs, Lizzie instantly beamed at the thought. It wasn’t a secret that she was always so excited about the prospect of hearing one of Eric’s original works.

“Oh, that’s great!” she said cheerily. “Do you know which ones you’ll play?” The shift in his gaze was like a quick flash of light, but Lizzie still caught it. Her smile faltered a little. “What’s wrong? They didn’t like the songs you offered?”

He explained that he hadn’t offered any options during the meeting. Lizzie paused, nodding slowly. She pondered over whether this was the reason he looked a little defeated earlier. He was known to always have some ideas to contribute, at least that was what she heard around the troupe. So maybe he was being a little hard on himself over not having offered his own ideas during the meeting.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. I doubt Freddie will be, like, pissed that you didn’t give him two or three songs to add to the set list. I mean, you have time to decide. You’re not starting practice until after Christmas, no?” Eric confirmed this. “Kaykay, then you totally have time to decide!”

Lizzie paused again, dropping her gaze to stare at a button on Eric’s work shirt while a thought formed. When she heard Eric call out to her, she blinked, looked up at him then smiled.

“Sorry. I was, um, I was actually thinking…do you want me to help? Like, pick out some potential songs, I mean? To add to the set list?” Lizzie dropped her gaze again, a little embarrassed. It wasn’t like Lizzie ever shied away from offering to help Eric. After all, she helped him edit his script long before they even got to really know each other. And yet, the idea of helping him pick songs that he wrote felt…more personal. Like, even after dating for over a month and getting to know each other for even longer, did she even have the right to offer such assistance? Did he even want her looking at any of those songs? After all, the last time he introduced one of his original songs was all the way back after they reconciled from their first fight.

These very thoughts immediately had Lizzie attempting to backtrack her offer. She stuttered through her explanation that she didn’t want to impose if he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of her seeing or hearing any of his other songs. She then explained, albeit rather clumsily, that she would understand if he didn’t want her help.

“I mean, like I said, you have time to figure out which ones you wanna perform, so like—” Lizzie held her breath as her vision was obstructed by a curtain of Eric’s hair. But as his soft lips pressed gently against her cheek, she exhaled slowly. Her eyes fluttered shut and she practically melted into him. Her hands moved from behind him to rest comfortably on either side of his waist. As the words she tried to say faded from her mouth and her mind, she focused on the gentle pressure of his kiss…even long after he pulled away. When she opened her eyes again, his worried look softened to one she was all too familiar with. A look that she knew by heart and mind. The very look that was for her eyes only.

And then he agreed to let her help. All she could do in response was grin from ear to ear.

When they finally returned to A&A’s flat, they were immediately teased by her friends about how long they took. Not that Lizzie minded much while she grabbed a plate for Eric and helped fill it with food.

All in all, the little friendmas party went well. It occurred to Lizzie how much she and Eric probably needed this. To be able to hang out with friends and not act like nothing was wrong in their relationship. This felt good. This felt normal. It felt amazing to have Eric at her side with his arms lovingly around her while they talked and laughed with her friends or she fed him the rest of the food on his plate. Even when Eddie finally arrived, she didn’t feel any impending fear that her relationship would darken again. Sure, she was acutely aware of how Eric’s hold on her tightened after she greeted Eddie, but there was no anxious worry after. Instead she simply pressed herself against him and went back to the conversation she was having with Sophie.

Suffice it to say, Lizzie was upset how quickly time flew. When Eric announced that he needed to head to work, she briefly gripped his wrist and gave it a light squeeze. As if that was going to prevent him from leaving. Of course, there was a thought at the very back of her mind that entertained the idea that had she told him to stay he probably would have. But Lizzie knew not to even dare try it. Even though she wanted so much for him to stay, deep down she knew that he needed to leave. His overnight shifts were never her favorite, but they were a necessary evil to help his situation.

“I’ll walk you out,” she offered, grabbing her coat off the back of the couch. While he went through his quick round of goodbyes, she busied packing him a plate of food for him to eat during his lunch break. Admittedly she may have overpacked the food, but he won’t find that out until later.

Just like before, their goodbye was prolonged until the very last minute before he really needed to leave. Lizzie buried her face into his neck, running a hand through his hair while the other brushed up and down his back. She spoke softly to him, reminding him to text her once he made it to work and to make sure he took his breaks. She told him she loved him at least twice before the final “I love you” to send him off. Once again, she watched him until he was too far away then returned to the party.

Hours later, the first thing Lizzie did when she returned to the flat was send Eric a text letting him know that she made it home safe. She may have timed her arrival back home to about the approximate time Eric would be on his first break. And sure enough, as soon as she unzipped her boots and carried them to the bedroom, her phone pinged to let her know that he responded back. Instead of finishing the last of her tasks to get herself situated at home, she fell onto the bed to continue her text conversation with him until he needed to get back to work. It wasn’t until she sent back an “I love you too” did she change out of her party clothes and get ready for bed.

Or, actually, she had one more task to do before bed.

After returning from the bathroom now changed into her Disney sweater and shorts, Lizzie pulled out her phone and scrolled through her texts with Eric until she found the one she needed. The text was from Eric with directions on which notebooks she needed to look over to review the songs he could offer to Freddie and the band to add to the set list. A couple notebooks were easy to find at the desk, but there were a few that required her to pull out a few notebooks to figure out if they were the right one or not. She eventually found all but one.

She would later find out during Eric’s lunch break that the one notebook she couldn’t find was most likely in his car. When she offered to go out and get it, he very quickly reminded her that it was the middle of the night and she should just stay in bed. Who was she to disobey a direct order from the boyfriend?

While she was in the middle of a rather long text message regarding her thoughts on her review of most of his songs, Lizzie suddenly realized that she was kind of wasting her time. Eric’s lunch break was only an hour and here she was wasting a couple minutes of it.

Of course, there was an even simpler reason for this sudden revelation: she missed him like crazy.

Instead of calling Eric though, Lizzie pulled up the Facetime app and typed his name until his email address popped up.

“Babe!” Lizzie giggled as she rested her phone against the pillow. “No, this isn’t just a call, silly! If you pull the iPod away from your ear you can actually see my dumb face!” She watched with a wide grin as Eric quietly paused to process this then pulled the device away from his face. “Hiiiii~”

“Okay, sooooo…” Lizzie momentarily looked away from her phone screen to search for the right notebook. “I looked over some of the songs. I may have skimmed through some, but I did read a good handful. And, ummmm…I have some questions and a couple suggestions?” She quickly flipped through notebook pages until she found the one she placed his Harry Potter bookmark in. “You have to tell me how Olivia goes!”

This was how their FaceTime conversation went. Lizzie would bring up a song she considered was good potential to be added to the set list and Eric would either agree or disagree. Usually his reasons to disagree were because the vibe didn’t work as well as she initially thought it did, in which case he would have to hum or sing a bit of the song to show her how it actually went. Every single time she would end up agreeing with him and then moving on.

“Oh, I missed this one.” She paused to read through the lyrics. For a moment the smile she held faded as she concentrated intently on the words then adding in the musical notes. Something about this song made her feel…uneasy? Not in any kind of bad way, but the more she read through this song she could feel a knot forming in the pit of her stomach. There was something raw about this, as if she shouldn’t even be reading it, but as she looked back up to the screen and saw Eric patiently waiting for her to speak she figured she could still bring it up just in case it brought some kind of inspiration for him.

“I dunno if this may be a little too slow for the show, but I mean, how about Cherry?” Eric didn’t seem to give too much thought into the suggestion, agreeing that it was kind of slow for what he figured was the vibe of the show. Still, regardless of the way he seemed to brush off the suggestion, Lizzie dropped her gaze back onto the page and once more read through the lyrics before moving on.

Overall, Lizzie had to admit that they made some progress. Eric wasn’t exactly sold on any particular song, but he was at least okay with the select few she had written down to forward to Freddie in the morning.

As soon as Eric hung up, Lizzie collected all of his notebooks and stacked them neatly on top of the desk. She let out a wide yawn. He was right. It was getting very late and she had to be up early in the morning for work. As much as she wanted to stay up for the next couple hours until his next break, she knew she needed to get some sleep.

When she woke up a few hours later, she found a handful of texts from Eric around the time of his breaks and a few during times she assumed he managed to slip his iPod out to text her. Some texts reminded her that he missed her, but the rest were his musings about some songs they discussed that he was considering a change of heart and others that she apparently missed that she should look over and help him decide. She wrote down the titles of the suggested unknown songs to review later. As much as she wanted to look at them now, she was at the brink of running late.

The new work schedule was not too bad. Sure, it required her to leave the flat an hour earlier than before, but it was doable. The seminar, while a professional development course, looked to potentially be an interesting class. Their instructor, one of the professors in the English department but also a consultant at the company, mentioned that there would be a few guest speakers scheduled to visit. So that was quite exciting to look forward to.

Even after an overall good first day of the new work schedule, Lizzie was ready to go home. She felt a little bad turning down Patricia’s invitation to eat out, but Eric was already home and would likely be awake by the time she should be home. She honestly didn’t want to keep him waiting after being apart for so long.

Much to her surprise, the flat was quiet when she arrived. She noted that Malcolm’s car was not out front and the fact that she couldn’t hear Angel’s voice the moment she came in indicated to her that they were probably out. They were most likely doing some more last minute shopping before their upcoming trip. As for Olivia, well, one silent pause outside her flatmate’s bedroom told her that she wasn’t home as well despite her car being out front. Maybe she decided to take the train to the city today.

However, as surprising as it was to hear that none of her flatmates were home, what surprised her the most was the lack of Eric sounds. Even though she hadn’t received one text from him since she let him know she was heading home, surely he should have been awake by now.

But when she quietly opened the door to their bedroom and poked her head inside, she found that he was actually still fast asleep. Lizzie couldn’t help the small pout that formed on her lips as she quietly stepped inside the bedroom. All of her movements were slow and calculated in an effort to make sure she didn’t wake him. Of course, it was easier said than done considering how much she was carrying. Between her boots, her coat and the couple bags she was carrying inside, making sure she didn’t drop or knock anything was tricky. But she somehow did it save for a moment she heard and watched Eric stir but go back to sleep.

After a quick trip to the kitchen to drop off some food she bought after work and the bathroom to change, Lizzie quietly returned to the bedroom. This time, she found Eric in the middle of waking up. “Well good morning, you,” she greeted teasingly. “Have you been sleeping since you got home?”

As she stepped closer to the bed, Eric scooted more toward his side and pulled the blankets away invitingly. She giggled but happily accepted the invitation. The bed under the covers was warm from the multiple layers and Eric’s body heat. Were she not excited that he was awake, she could have easily fallen asleep right then and there.

“I brought home some food from Grangers. I figured you probably haven’t eaten yet.” She felt Eric’s arms wrap around her waist in an effort to pull her closer. In response, she entangled her legs with his and rested her hands against his chest. “You should eat it now before it gets cold….” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121818-----------❖ LOCATION — their bed-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

By the time Eric got home from work the exhaustion was definitely settling in. The emotional exhaustion of his weekend combined with the physical exhaustion of working overnight left an almost painful heaviness in his eyes. But he couldn’t go to bed, not yet at least as he still had several things to take care of. The first on his list was to stop by the bathroom because he had forgotten to go before he left work, that was non-delayable. But immediately after he sent his usual text to Lizzie to inform her that he was home safe and sound.

Eric was still in the hallway as he shoved his iPod back into his pocket and looked down at the line of bedroom doors. He so very badly wanted to just go into his and Lizzie’s room and knock out, but he also partly wanted to go left into the common room and kitchen to find something to eat. Despite the large plate of food Lizzie had prepared for him from the party last night, Eric’s appetite was back in full force and he had several days worth of meals to make up for. But he didn’t feel much like going to stand in the kitchen to figure out what he wanted to eat—the call of their bed was steadily winning him over after all.

Entering their room one of the first things he took note of was the way Lizzie had stacked all his notebooks oh so carefully on the desk. Truthfully at first he didn’t even recognize them as his own as he had never seen them being cared for the way she had. Usually he just crammed his books into his bag or dumped them in his car, so it wasn’t until he got close enough that he was able to see that they were in fact his books. That was another thing he needed to do.

Last night Lizzie had tried to help him in picking songs for the band’s gig but even with her input he still felt a bit at a loss as far as what to sing. Most of his songs just didn’t really match the band’s vibe, and he didn’t have the time, space, or inspiration to write anything new just for this one gig. What on earth would he even sing about?? He did have one song up his sleeve, he had performed it a couple times already and so he knew it was a hit but as it wasn’t in any of these books, Lizzie hadn’t been able to read through it last night. Maybe he should just do a Beatles cover, that was always a safe option.

He reached over to pick up the top book, opening it to a page that Lizzie had clearly bookmarked. Being the writer, you might think that Eric would have better knowledge as to what’s what. But no, he hadn’t memorized what songs were where, nor did he have them organized in any sort of way. The only exception was that he had a book in the car that he knew held his one hit wonder song, but that was because he hadn’t written it in a notebook like the other songs. Instead it was written amongst his playwright materials—a part of his life that had been on and off hiatus these past couple months but hopefully after New Years he would find a better work/life/love balance.

Right. Work. At work last night Lizzie had been into her suggestion of singing Olivia, and that was the page she had bookmarked. Eric rubbed his temple, his eyes sort of glazing over as he stared down at his own handwriting. He had never actually performed this for Olivia herself yet. He had a hazy drunken memory of having told her he wrote her a song, but that was over a year ago and it had sat in this book ever since.

Eric let the book drop back onto the desk and picked up the next one, casually flipping through the pages in mild hope that something would jump out at him. And then the next book as well. He went through all of them and by the end Lizzie’s neat stack of his books was now replaced by a sprawled out mess of artistic disappointment.

So maybe he wouldn’t get any work done concerning the set list after all. Least not until after he had slept. Eric’s eyes glanced over to his guitar, a reminder that on top of figuring his own shit out, he also needed to practice Freddie’s songs. But that would have to wait till later. One by one Eric was steadily hitting snooze on his entire to-do list until all that was left was to change out of his work clothes and climb into bed.

When he finally fell asleep Eric was indisputably on his side of the bed, but without Lizzie’s body to keep him there he had gravitated into the center and teetering on the edge of her side. He was out for hours, there was nothing that could wake him from this deep sleep…that is until his subconscious found a distant Lizzie noise deep in the flat and decided that it was worthy of attention. He was slow to process that he was waking up, and a little confused as to why he was waking up, but then Lizzie’s angelic voice blessed his ears and he was instantly glad he had woken up. He wanted to spend every possible second with her, always.

His face had been deep in Lizzie’s pillow which he realized as he propped himself up on his elbow so as to see her better, that was also when he figured out just how far across the bed he had traveled in his sleep. Oops.
“Yeah…” But to be fair, it wasn't like he had fallen asleep the split second he had gotten home that morning. Despite his exhaustion he had made that detour to Lizzie’s desk and had at least put some thought into his decision making and scribbled a few things down on the first blank page he had found. But he didn't divulge those details to her. It wasn't that they were meant to be secret, he was about to tell her all about how he was still mentally stuck on the whole song dilemma, but as Lizzie settled into bed beside him he felt all other thoughts leave him as her touch and presence infiltrated his everything.

But despite being hungry he didn't particularly want to get up to eat, at least not to eat food, “You went to Grangers?” Her legs brushed against him and pushed between his, silently requesting entry and he didn't miss a beat as his own legs relaxed and parted just enough to allow one of hers to slip between while the other went over his. But that wasn’t enough, he wanted more and he had wanted more for so long now that he couldn’t hold back a moment longer. It seemed Eric couldn’t stay still for long with her finally back inside his bubble.

He slowly ran his hand up along her back over her jumper, but as it retraced its path back down it traveled lower over her waist and across her clothed butt until his fingers touched skin and was able to grasp under her thigh to pull her leg up higher over him. His own leg slid deeper between hers as his hips rolled to meet her and all at once there wasn't even space to breathe between their bodies.

Having situated her where he wanted her, Eric’s hand went back up her leg, not coming to a stop until it was tucked into the tiny gap between the hem of her shorts and her thigh. He felt Lizzie's breath stop momentarily at the more intimate placement, but as he didn’t pursue anything else she quickly relaxed back into his hold. Her body was cold compared to his, having been under the blanket all day now. But she wasn’t so cold that it was uncomfortable for him, in fact if anything it was just the opposite. Lizzie brought the slight temperature reset he needed to keep from overheating and to help wake him up just enough to enjoy this moment with her.

”What did you get?” Maybe hearing about the food waiting for him in the kitchen would help motivate him to get up. His hand retreated back down a little, then as it passed back it ran over her butt and all the way up until it rested against her neck and his fingers slowly caressed against her soft baby hairs as he listened for her response.

Eric’s eyes were getting heavy, the threat of falling back asleep looming over him. It wasn't so much that he was still exhausted, but just that having Lizzie back in his arms brought such a safe and comforting feeling and combined with the warmth of the bed left him fighting his body to stay awake. Lizzie of course was quick to catch this as she asked if he had eaten yet. The food itself clearly hadn’t been enough to entice him, and after the weekend they had the last thing she wanted to do was let him go without eating for a long period of time again. He had crashed so dangerously hard last time. But she knew the answer already, she knew he likely crawled straight into bed once he was home; she just needed him to confirm it to back her up when she next insisted that they should get up so he could eat.

That was not a plan that Eric approved of. While he was definitely thankful she had brought him food and was indeed hungry, getting out of bed was not something he was willing to do just yet. Going to eat would mean untangling himself from his love and there was no telling what would happen after that. Not to say that Eric expected something bad to come between them, but there was a part of him still scarred from past fights and he just wanted to stay in this good moment for as long as humanly possible.

Lizzie ended up making the decision for him, or trying to at least as she made an attempt to pull away and enforce her suggestion. But while she had the best of intentions, Eric wasn't sure whether she was going to get up or was just trying to sit up and give him that knowing look of hers. Either way he didn’t want it—his hand quickly retreated from her face to return to wrap around her waist. He had her trapped in his arms and they both knew there was no way she could slip free on her own, ”Stay.”

This wasn't like a few nights ago when he was begging for her not to leave him. No this was very different. This was a decisive request—almost a command really. This was what he wanted most right now, and Eric was slowly learning to speak up for himself. This wasn't like last time either when he was breaking down to the point it was affecting his health. It was true that he hadn’t eaten yet and that he was in fact hungry, but he was calm and content staying right here. He would eat later. Promise.

In his movement his body had shuffled down slightly, so that Lizzie’s head now rested just above his and he was closer to her chest. As much as he wanted to press his head against her and fall back asleep to the sound of her heartbeat, Eric found he couldn’t look away from her face. Would she fight him on this? Force him out of bed after she just climbed in beside him? But as she relaxed into his decision a slight smile took up residence in the corner of his mouth, his hand caressing where he held her as a silent thank you for letting him have his way.

They stayed like that for a while, Eric thought about asking about her day as he had slept through her entire first day of winter schedule but he was enjoying this comfortable silence far too much to allow the outside world to come between them just yet. He had in fact ended up resting his head against her chest and probably would have been asleep within the next couple minutes had he been able to fight his addiction. As it was, the urge to watch her was too strong—the need to look and be sure she was really there, and so Eric tilted his head enough to see her face and that her own eyes were shut with an angelic peaceful expression.

Unreasonable fear captured his breath in his chest as he watched her. Fear that if he made a single move she would vanish. Fear that the next time they fought, or had any sort of disagreement or anything that she wouldn’t return to him. He had fought so hard for her to be here in his arms and he was all too aware how easily he could lose her again. Only…that wasn’t entirely true. After all, Lizzie had fought just as hard to be with him—harder even. He had given her countless reasons to leave, but here she was forgiving all his mistakes and giving him numerous chances to make this work.

Eric’s lungs screamed for air now and he granted them a deep inhale and two steady breaths before further craning his neck to lean up towards her. His nose bumped her cheek first before his kiss gently settled along her jaw as his eyes shut. He didn’t need to see her now, he was too close anyways, he just wanted to tattoo this memory into his mind and never forget that amidst all their drama they still had this soft and tender love. A love that was willing to wait patiently, no matter how long it took.

He didn’t completely pull away after, his lips lingered just barely still touching against her skin as his breathing steadied back to normal. He kissed her again in the same spot, and then again this time a little higher. Once more against skin and then the next kiss was at the corner of her mouth. Eric stayed there just long enough until he felt Lizzie turn in towards him and their lips finally met full on for the first time in days.

You know that scene in the movies when the main characters kiss and the camera pans around them? Sparks fly and the music reaches a crescendo. That was the same magical feeling that consumed Eric now, only it was amplified to the extreme as everything was when it came to Lizzie. It didn’t take long for his previously gentle kisses to take on a more intense hunger as they melted back into what they had been so desperately longing for all of yesterday.

At some point Eric pulled her hand off him and led it up to rest against his neck, wanting to feel her as close as possible and resume everything that once came so naturally to them. His hand held her in place for a moment until he couldn't take it any longer—but it wasn't her by any means. It wasn’t that her hand unsettled him, in fact it was quite the opposite. He loved her touch on his skin and a quiet moan into their kiss was proof of that. But he needed to resume complete contact with her and needed to hold more than just the back of her hand. Eric left her hand there at his neck and wrapped his own around her waist again to pull her back against him as his own leg now wrapped over her.

He eventually made his way into her neck, his face nestled against her and a soft sigh of relaxation escaping just before his muffled “—love you,” brushed against her skin. Eric maybe would have been content to stop there. Kisses and close contact were all he had craved and he wasn’t explicitly set on taking things further. Not right after an overnight shift, not without knowing if anyone else was home, and more importantly not after they had just had an entire heart to heart about waiting.

Throughout their little make out sesh his hand had of course slipped under her shirt because that was his favorite place to be, but as their kisses had lulled to a rest his hand now wandered absentmindedly across her skin. Every dip and curve was exactly as he had remembered except—fuck—Eric’s half shut eyes fluttered back open when his hand had reached the point where there should have been a clasp for her bra. This was a tease he didn’t need right now. It was like telling a child that they couldn’t lick the bowl after making cake and had to wait for it to finish baking. He just wanted a taste…surely just a taste wouldn’t hurt anything.

Eric shifted himself down, the two of them adjusting now so that Lizzie lay flat on her back with him hovering just over her tiny body. He was at her midriff now, having peeled back her jumper just enough to see skin and ran his hand across her once before gently planting kisses on her stomach. Lizzie’s hands had left his neck to instead entwine in his hair and Eric was losing himself in the sensation as he made his way up her torso, moving her jumper higher and higher as needed. The fabric slowly gave way to his advances until he felt a soft resistance just as he was about to push it up over her breasts.

He pulled back just enough to widen his field of vision to see that Lizzie was tugging downward to keep it in place. Did she not want him to touch her? Was she afraid things would go too far? Did she not like it? Eric was quick to lean up to capture her lips in a deep kiss, gently biting at her lip to prolong it before finally pulling back just enough to speak, ”Are you alright?” Lizzie was a little breathless and hesitant in her response as she replied that she was. It felt as though she was conflicted between putting her foot down or letting this continue. But surely she was only on the fence for his sake, so maybe with a little reassurance she would let him continue, ”Me too…”
Eric only held their eye contact long enough to back up his words before his lips settled back against hers, he wasted no time in placing his hands on her body—but lower now, abandoning his previous attack on her midsection. He started slow and careful, more so just running his hand over her thigh and hip, stopping to rub small circles with his thumb whenever he found skin. Truthfully in the beginning of all this he hadn’t had an end game. He was satisfied with just being able to hold and kiss her again. But after some time the idea had snuck back into the front of his thoughts and Eric's hand changed its course, passing over her stomach once before going lower to touch her through her shorts. She gasped, breaking their kiss briefly but she didn’t actively pull away or stop him, so Eric continued on until the both of them were dying for him to stop.

Lizzie was squirming, but audibly enjoying every second of it as her legs tried to squeeze shut. Just before it was too much, Eric stopped, instead grabbing the waistband of her shorts and managing to tug them down. He heard his name escape her lips but he chose to ignore it and proceeded until he was dropping her shorts into the abyss of their bed. With even less between them now, Eric rolled her atop him, and was then quick to push himself upright so they were both seated on the bed now with Lizzie on his lap, her legs bent to either side of him.

In all their movement the blanket had crumpled onto the bed around them, but it wouldn't be needed anymore anyways. Not with the heat they had ignited between them. They didn’t move for a second, Eric’s hands held her steady at her waist while his eyes found hers as though asking if this was alright. She wasn’t saying otherwise, so Eric let his forehead fall forward to touch hers, his eyes shutting as he just took the moment to breathe. Again his nose made contact before his lips did as the tender kisses from earlier returned. This was all he wanted, he just wanted everything they had before…he wanted everything.

Eric didn’t have the patience to wait long before making his next move, just long enough for their hearts to settle back in sync from all the earlier excitement. He had returned his attention to her jumper and in no time was pulling it up to expose her perfect frame. It wasn’t even completely over her head but the second her face was visible he had locked lips with her before she could make any verbal protests against this. His hands pulled her shirt the rest of the way off and let it fall before framing her face as all his love poured into this kiss. Initially there was a slight desperation to his movements, but when she didn’t actively fight him he was able to slow back down and just bathe in how good it felt to be with her.

His hands did eventually trail back down her sides, the size of them even more apparent with how much of her he could cover at once. He probably could have stayed like that for near eternity but when he felt her dainty fingers hesitantly feeling for the hem of his own shirt Eric was quick to loosen his hold on her so as to be more pliable and move with her as she pulled his own shirt up and over his head. Looking down now he watched for a second as their bare and tattooed bodies rose and fell with each heavy breath.

”C’mere,” Eric pulled her flush against him to then turn them back over so she lay on her back beneath him like before. He truly tried his hardest to not crush her under his weight but it felt so good to finally have her skin against his. He continued where his earlier kisses had stopped as he now had complete access to her; his hands were touching everywhere that his mouth wasn’t. But even this rush of excitement eventually settled as Eric nestled back into her neck. He probably would have been okay to leave things there and just kiss every inch of her until he fell back asleep in her arms, but it was hard to continue to avoid the elephant in the room. Especially once it made itself known.

With Eric so deep against her skin, his hair was everywhere as well. All of earlier he had been moving a fair amount and so it wasn’t often in the way for too long, but he had been over her like this for some time now and so it was understandable that Lizzie wanted to move his lion’s mane out of the way. He had also been completely fine this whole time, not a single blip of trauma had come between them—not that there was even any space for anything to come between them with how much physical contact Eric desired—so it was also understandable for Lizzie to be comfortable with the idea of moving his hair. Afterall, didn’t she do that all the time? She frequently was the one to tie it up for him or help him dry it after a shower, so why should it be any different this time?

Well it was. It was subtle and probably would have been overlooked by anyone else, but Eric visibly flinched at the feeling of her fingers suddenly against his neck as she tried to gather and brush his hair aside. His heart stopped for a split second and then began to race as he pulled back enough for his eyes to search hers with a sort of hurt confusion in them. Why was he still reacting this way? Just earlier he had specifically put her hands there to prove to her that he was okay. And honestly he loved to feel her fingers trace through his hair and over his skin like that. But now his body decided to freak out over the exact same thing? He loved and trusted Lizzie completely. He felt so safe in her arms. But now he just felt like he was broken and losing control of his own life. This was what he wanted. And he was ready for more. And everything was going fine. And he didn’t want to stop so suddenly. But there was no denying or hiding that involuntary reaction of his.

Eric’s entire body had sort of just paused while he processed all this. He didn’t want to move away from her, no that was the complete opposite of what he wanted. But that second of pure panic still festered inside leaving him frozen in place with an apology on the tip of his tongue. But no words came. He hadn’t intended for them to go any further today, Eric had already gotten everything he had wanted out of this little escapade. All he had wanted was to touch her and feel her and love her and reignite that spark that had been teasing them all weekend. But now that they were getting interrupted again it was sort of setting off a tiny lightbulb in the back of his head. An idea that he hadn’t given any thought to because surely it was wrong, but maybe it had some truth to it. Maybe he wasn't ready by definition. But maybe he never would be. Maybe this was something he had to just push through the pain to be able to move on from.

“Please…”

Please don't stop. Her leaving again would only make it worse and his lingering anxiety would instantly spike until he spiraled.

Please don't stop. He would never be able to heal if they didn’t find a way to work through this. There was no telling how long it would take on his own, but surely replacing the old memories with new would be a good place to start.

Please don't stop. He wanted her so badly—he needed her—and he had to be sure she felt that and that it wasn't her that had made him this way. She had never hurt him, and she never would. He knew that. But did she?

So it was obvious now that no, he wasn't ready. And he clearly wasn’t suddenly over his trauma—he was still hurting from his past. But maybe waiting until some vague state of being ready wasn’t what they needed. Maybe they needed to find a different approach.

His eyes had dropped down to her body, watching as his thumb passed over one of several bruises his lips had left on her since she got home, “I want—” But with the whirlwind in his head right now, Eric was unable to move on by himself. It was as though he was mentally stuck. He looked back up to meet her gaze, searching for some sort of answer to his problems. Meanwhile his fingers brushed over her skin where they had been as his hand slowly and subconsciously closed in on itself.

The earlier panic of feeling her at his neck had already subsided and was replaced by this longing sensation. He wanted so badly to feel her fingers against his skin. To lean into her touch until he was reduced to a puddle by her love. He wanted to. He was well aware of that blaring fact. But at this point Eric just didn't know how to. How was he supposed to overcome this? How did one face their fears if they didn't even understand what they were afraid of?

”I want you.”​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121818-----------❖ LOCATION — the bedroom-----------❖ COMPANY — just them
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

It was very much in the front of Lizzie’s mind how dangerous this was. She knew all too well how badly this could all go if one small move went wrong. And she knew that Eric knew this too. Every time her body stiffened by a new touch on her skin, Eric would immediately try to remedy the situation with reassuring touches that this was okay. It would then take her a few more seconds to relax into his hungry and longing touches. If the front of her mind was warning her that this could all turn bad, the back of her mind was reassuring her that she knew how to stop all this before it could.

But the longer this continued, the harder it became to keep her mind clear to prepare to stop. Last weekend completely wiped from her memory a fact she knew heart, mind and soul: his touch felt so good. And his kisses even more. Every so often a moan would escape her lips with each kiss he left on her skin. He kissed away the fear and tension that stiffened her body with each piece of clothing he removed off her. The more area he claimed with his soft lips, the more she once again remembered what it felt like to melt under him and his love. God, she missed this so much. It felt like a lifetime since she felt such pure bliss being with him.

Lizzie was glad to be without the blankets now. Every part of her body burned with the fiery heat of their passion and spread wherever he touched her. The heat radiating from her skin left her wanting more of this; more of him. “Oh, Eric…” she moaned with a much needed exhale. Her eyes fluttered shut as she felt his lips kiss down her midsection. When he dangerously close to the elastic of her underwear, her legs opened almost invitingly; pleadingly, even. It became oh so clear how much Lizzie wanted Eric to continue and finish what he started earlier.

This time though, she wanted to watch. After another deep breath, Lizzie lifted her head off the pillow to get a better view of Eric’s progress. Her eyes swept past every love bite Eric left across her body until she found him. But the moment her eyes found him, sheer frustration took over. She couldn’t see anything. His beautiful, long hair was like a curtain hiding away what she wanted to see. This definitely wouldn’t do. The hair needed to get out of her way.

However, it was easier said than done. Her fingers barely slipped through the long locks before she felt and saw the visible flinch across Eric’s back. Very quickly, every thought that inhabited the back of her mind bulldozed to the front waving every single red flag it had in its arsenal. And with every red flag, her body moved accordingly. As soon as Eric pulled away to search for her, Lizzie’s legs pressed tightly together and she quickly scooted up and away from him until she was sitting upright. Her hands that just previously ran through his hair and traced down his neck were now hiding behind crossed arms. With the blankets so far away, her arms and her hands had to do all the work to cover all of her body’s vulnerability.

As soon as her eyes found the hurt in his, every muscle in her body stiffened once more. It was happening again. She knew it. He wasn’t ready and she should have stopped them long before he started taking off her clothes. She should have reminded him what they talked about the day before. “I’m sorry…” The words came out low and shaky. Fear, guilt and the uncertainty over whether or not she hurt him again drained every ounce of heat that fueled her, leaving her with the reminder of just how cold it was in their room.

The only thing she could think about now was her plan of action to keep Eric calm. She worried if she didn’t act fast she would lose him again and he would do something to hurt himself.

“Baby, we should stop here, okay?” she started slowly, grabbing a pillow to cover her front. “Come on, let’s get dressed and go outside to–” Eric didn’t let her continue. His “please” stopped her dead in her tracks, quieting whatever millions of options she was ready to offer other than what they were just doing.

Lizzie hugged the pillow tighter against her chest. All she could do now was wait for him to do or say something more. She took pride in being able to read him so well. But right now, she couldn’t make heads or tails of the way he looked at her. What should she do? What did he want? Lizzie just felt stuck in place from the fear that she would make matters worse if she didn’t wait for him to do or say something that could hopefully point them in the right direction.

But she ended up waiting far longer than she expected. All he did was look at her or down at her body or brush his fingers against her skin. She felt and probably looked tense. As his fingers traced a small circle near her rib, her breath caught in her throat. Her hands clenched into tight fists around the pillow, wishing that he would finish telling her what he wanted. She was ready to hear him say that he wanted to stop.

Except that he didn’t. What he wanted…was her.

If she had been confused by his response before, it vanished the moment he lifted his gaze off whatever mark he left on her body to stare deep into her eyes. His emotions were so evident in his gaze and she caught every one of them. From the longing to the split second of hurt in response to her brief confusion then back to the longing. But even though she now knew exactly what he wanted, there was still that inch of fear and guilt that kept her frozen in place with her back against the headboard of their bed.

Maybe Eric was wrong. Maybe he was being blinded by the passion they shared just a moment ago and he wasn’t thinking straight. They spent all weekend fighting the urges that pushed them down that dark rabbit hole. Maybe what happened just now was a moment of weakness and should be used as a lesson. Maybe they were just not ready and maybe Lizzie should go back to waiting like she promised she would yesterday.

Or maybe Lizzie should stop depending on the maybes and assumptions and actually try what she and Eric do best: talk.

“Eric…” Lizzie reached a hand out to rest on top of his currently touching her skin. It instantly relaxed against her touch. “Baby, if you’re still not ready, we don’t have to do this. You know that.” She slipped her hand under his, entwining their fingers together. “You already have me.”

The desperation in his eyes told her exactly what he was thinking long before he said them out loud. He may have her, but he didn’t have all of her. Lizzie sighed, pulling his hand toward her to urge him closer. While he crawled back up, she slid down on the bed until they were both once again laying next to each other. After leaving his hand to rest around her waist, she reached for their blanket to pull it over them. When they were once again under the comfort and safety of their blanket, Lizzie removed the pillow from across her chest and returned it under her head.

Instead of speaking right away, Lizzie quietly watched Eric. She focused on his gentle touches and the way he looked at her. It broke her heart how much he was hurting right now. She could see how much of an effort he was putting pushing past his trauma to be with her, but she couldn’t reciprocate the effort. She was just too scared to be the reason he got hurt again. Nothing scared her more than seeing the recognition and love leave his eyes when he looked at her; to become nothing more than the phantom of some stranger that took advantage of him. She didn’t want that for him. If they were going to be together like this, she wanted him to stay with her and think of nothing else except how much she loves him.

“Are you okay?” she finally asked. “I didn’t…hurt you, did I?”

Eric was quick to reassure that it wasn’t her, that it was never her. But even if the words came from his lips, she still couldn’t fully believe it. This doubt must have read clearly on her face because he immediately wrapped his arms tightly around her waist to pull her closer until their bare chests were pressed against each other.

“Maybe we should stop here. We can try again another time or something.” Lizzie avoided his gaze. Instead she focused on the small crosses on his chest. If she tried keeping eye contact with him, she knew her willpower would weaken.

Then again, it looked like he didn’t even need his deep ocean eyes to weaken her resolve. It was Eric’s turn to use his words. He repeated how much he wanted her and how he didn’t want to try again another time. He wanted to be with her, all of her. And he wanted to be with her now.

She was reminded of when he told her how much it killed him that she refused to touch him last weekend. Was this the very same desperation he was feeling as he pleaded that they not stop? Lizzie bit down on her bottom lip.

She honestly didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, she could simply give in to his pleas and continue where they left off. Of course that is what she wanted. The burning passion they shared was everything she wanted and had his trauma not been triggered she was all ready to give herself completely to him. She wanted so badly to feel more than his kiss and his touch on her skin. She wanted to show him just how much love could be shared between two people that cared as deeply as they did for each other. He deserved all that and so much more.

But it was the trauma and the threat of triggering it that scared her. She hated the idea of her touch causing him to remember the pain he suffered years ago. Something as simple as her hand on his neck causing her to lose him so violently. She didn’t trust herself to keep him present and safe. So how could she make love to him if she couldn’t guarantee that she could keep him with her?

“Baby…” Lizzie sighed, finally urging her hands to move from his chest to rest on either side of his neck. As her fingers slipped through his hair, her thumb brushed tenderly against his cheeks. “I get it, okay? I want to be with you too. I’m not asking us to stop to torture you or anything, I swear!” She watched as his eyes closed softly then opened again. “We just talked about how I’m okay to wait for you when you’re ready! Be honest, are you ready now? Or are you just trying to fight through whatever is hurting you just so that we can have sex?”

The silence between them as she waited for his response was honestly deafening. She would never admit this out loud, but she really hoped he would say that he was actually ready and that what happened earlier was nothing serious; that she didn’t just trigger his past to return and get in-between them. But the longer he spent just quietly looking at her as if willing himself to tell her exactly what she wanted to hear was telling her enough. She knew him well enough now to know that he wouldn’t lie to her like that, even if it was for her benefit. That kind of lie only caused more problems for them than the actual truth would have.

Lizzie waited for as long as she needed to until Eric finally took a deep breath against her chest and confessed that he wasn’t ready. She sighed, dropping her hands from his neck to wrap around his waist.

She tried one more approach. It was one she tried before that typically got the kind of results she wanted from Eric. It was the only approach that was met with the least resistance.

She let him choose.

“Do you want to stop?” she asked.

Eric didn’t even hesitate as he told her no.

However, Lizzie needed a moment. She gave him the opportunity to decide for the both of them instead of insisting on what they should do next, but did she actually agree with it? Of course not. As previously mentioned, she was scared of what their intimacy would do to him. But how can she argue against something Eric so desperately wanted? It hasn’t escaped her that all of this was initiated by him. From the moment he invited her into their bed. While, yes, she could have said no to his invitation, she didn’t want that. She wanted to be close to him after so long apart. To feel his warmth and his loving embrace. They deserved that after everything they went through last weekend. It was never her intention to attempt to go any further.

Yes, she could have stopped him when his touches turned suggestive. But do you understand how desperately Lizzie wanted his kiss? Even if she didn’t show it as much as he had, being with his kiss killed her just as much as it killed him. Every second he took her breath away into himself with his soft lips filled the emptiness she felt being so distant from him. The cracks in their little bubble were filled with the heat and desire they obviously felt for each other. So while, yes, she did attempt to warn him against going further, she also didn’t see any reason for him to stop so long as he was legitimately enjoying it.

Yes, she could have stopped when his hands moved between her legs. Or when he started taking off her clothes. But do you know how hard it is to fight something you want so badly? To fight something that just felt so good and right? His touch was everything she needed and so much more. And she wished he hadn’t stopped. If there was anything that could have fooled her into believing he was ready, it was the way he made her feel as her body squirmed and burned under his touch. Were she not so afraid of her own touch on his skin, she would have immediately reciprocated to make him feel just as good as he made her feel. But alas, the best she could do to get him at the same level as she was to take his shirt off.

Yes, she could have stopped all of this at any moment. But the truth was, she didn’t want to. The front and back of her mind could tell her all she wanted that she had the power to stop them from doing anything that could hurt Eric again, but the truth was…she wouldn’t listen. And now, she was facing the consequences of her actions…or lack thereof.

So now, what was she supposed to do? She threw the ball on Eric’s side of the court and he made the decision for the both of them. It was now on her to either go through with his decision or continue to fight against him.

The indecision was really starting to make her head spin. This was too much pressure despite initially making him decide. She worried that he must have spoken too quickly. He should have given himself some time to really think about this.

“Are you sure?” The words just came out. But as soon as she said them, she knew they were the right words to say. She once more looked up at him. But instead of giving her a verbal response, she watched as he closed the space between them once more to kiss away the uncertainty.

But this wasn’t enough for Lizzie. She didn’t want just actions between them to answer questions that needed words. She didn’t want anything to be left unsaid.

She reluctantly pulled away from his kiss then moved one hand to caress the side of his face. “Are you sure?” she repeated.

“Yes.”

Lizzie took a deep breath as she brushed her thumb across his cheek. Despite the subtle flush on his skin, his cheek was cold from their bedroom. She leaned forward, leaving warm kisses across his cheek then trailing more until she returned to his lips. Unlike Eric though, she continued to keep their kiss gentle. Above everything else going on between them, she just wanted something that she knew would never hurt him before she needed to brace for unknown and scary territory.

Slowly, Lizzie pulled away from their kiss, a soft smile on her lips. “Okay.”

Her hands were shaking as they traveled down Eric’s body until she found his sweats. As she focused on gaining the confidence to pull them off, she felt Eric’s lips press against her neck. Maybe he was trying to calm and reassure her. Whether it actually worked or not is up for debate because despite her shaking hands, she slowly slid the sweats off his hips until they were resting around his knees. At that point, Eric pulled away to kick the sweats off the rest of the way.

Instead of returning to her though, he kicked the blanket off them and moved to climb over her. It wasn’t until she saw him place one foot on the ground did she sit up to stop him. “Where are you going?” When he said that he was going to the drawer, she didn’t need any further explanation.

“Hold on.” She reached across to the bedside table, pulling aside the tiny drawer. After one quick peek inside, she reached in and grabbed the unused condom and handed it to him. “I left it in there before putting the sheets in the wash and just…never had the chance to put it back in the box.” She reached into the drawer once more for a spare scrunchie. “Here…just in case you want to get your hair out of the way this time.”

“Hey,” Lizzie said as Eric climbed back on top of her. She waited for him to look at her. Once their eyes locked, she once more rested her hands on the sides of his neck. This time though, her grip tightened just slightly so that it was more like she was forcing him to look just at her. “I just, um, I know we’re both probably scared right now, but I…I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. If anything goes wrong or it gets bad, just…remember that I love you. And I am going to be here for you. So, just don’t shut me out, okay? It’s just me.” She brushed his hair out of his face. “No one else is here in this room, but us, okay? No one is going to hurt you like that ever again. I promise.”

With all that said, Lizzie leaned back on the bed again. Her breathing was heavy now as the nerves and excitement swelled inside her. She repeated her words softly, more for herself than for him. It was just the two of them now, no one else.

“Will you take my hand, baby?” No one was going to get in the way of their love ever again, she would make sure of it. ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121818-----------❖ LOCATION — the common room-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

“Eric…baby,” Lizzie earned a soft, ”Hmm…?” in response but otherwise no movement from him.
”Wake up~”

”I am awake…” Sort of, the grogginess to his voice said otherwise. They had cuddled up to unwind and let their elated feelings come back down to earth but it seemed they were nearing the point of overstaying when Eric’s blinks grew heavier and heavier until he finally didn’t reopen his eyes. It was fully possible he dozed off, happy, comfortable and spent with Lizzie’s fingers trailing slowly over his skin. But it couldn’t have been for long because nothing looked different as they half opened now to watch her while Lizzie reminded him that he still needed to eat.

He had turned down Grangers earlier to have her instead, but if he was hungry before that was nothing compared to his appetite now. He was starving. But he was also far too comfortable laying in bed and holding Lizzie close with their still bare skin against one another.

Eric’s hand still held Lizzie’s in his, his thumb rubbing over the back of it now as he internally debated whether or not he wanted to get up or not. Yes he was physically hungry, but mentally and emotionally he was full and stuck pressing replay in his head on everything that had happened since Lizzie got home. He wasn’t quite ready to move on and just continue with the rest of their day—this was a high he was struggling to come down from.

Even as he stared at her now, Eric was remembering the way his hand had trembled ever so slightly when he reached for the condom, and the shallow breaths he took in anticipation of what was to come. He remembered unclenching his hand to take Lizzie’s when she asked for it, and the way she would touch him as she balanced their physical connection with an emotional one. He remembered the concern in her voice everytime she would check in with him, and then the pleasure in it that came after he assured her that he was okay. And that euphoric look on her face as all her stress and worries left with each release. Her micro gasps of pain that would melt away when she would moan his name as his body all but crushed her. She would tighten around him, pull him closer, arch her back and rise to meet him halfway; their movements synced as though they had done this a dozen times before.

But no matter where their hands wandered, they would always find each other again. Intertwining and grounding him back into that room where it was just the two of them. And he remembered each and every detail because of it. Because he had been there to experience it all this time. There was no hazy blackout in his memory or residual panic crawling under his skin. It was still true that he probably hadn’t been ready, but they had both gone into it being aware of that fact and had come out victorious. They took their time. They went slow whenever needed, and nothing happened without verbal consent. Lizzie had put her all into creating that safe space bubble for them and they were well rewarded for her diligence.

If asked, Eric wouldn’t hesitate to say that hands down Lizzie had been the best he had ever had. Not that she had hard competition, just about anyone would be better than his previous…clients. But what he and Lizzie had was so intoxicatingly strong—she was the very air he had been so desperate for while everything else had been drowning him beyond saving. With Lizzie everything just felt right. But that’s not to say everything suddenly turned into rainbows and unicorns after Lizzie’s assurance that they would be okay. While normally Eric lost all his senses in her presence, this time he was borderline hyper aware of it.

It’s just Lizzie.

But it was also that awareness that kept him there with her. It was what got them through rough patches and let him melt into her while one by one his mind shut off the warning lights to all his conditioned responses.

The blankets were back over them by now, although a little haphazardly and not pulled all the way up. Yes it would have been cozy underneath them, but honestly it was still much too warm between their shared body heat and the blanket trapping it all beneath. Eric could certainly attest to the excess heat as his hand not holding hers was comfortably high up between her thighs which were partly stuck together at the moment.

He watched now as Lizzie’s fingers traced carefully over the butterfly at his center. She outlined the massive tattoo first before going over the finer details and lines. The whole time his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath he took; in a calm and steady rhythm compared to the erratic patterns of panic or the heaviness of sex. When he shifted his positioning he could feel the cross on his necklace slide across his collarbones. But the sensation was quickly pushed out of his mind as Lizzie’s fingers soon brushed over the exact same spot as she adjusted the clasp as she had dozens of times before.

Lizzie wasn’t alone in her hyper focus on him, his eyes were quick to travel past her fingers and the expression on her face to instead watch her body—more specifically the damage he had done to her previously flawless skin. Well, not necessarily damage, after all the lovebites he left behind did not harm her at all. But they definitely made him feel a certain type of way—they stroked his ego in such a way that his insecurities found a sense of normalcy in their relationship. For anyone else the ego boost might be borderline narcissist, but for Eric it filled in the gaps and allowed him to feel secure and assured that they were alright. That he was alright. That he was allowed to have a normal relationship and that maybe he didn’t suck at it either.

He smiled a little sheepishly remembering how she had reacted the first time he gave her one, he could only imagine what she would say once she got up and got a good look in the mirror now. Oops. He caught the questioning glance she gave him now, clearly wondering what was going through his head, but Eric gave nothing to answer her and only pulled her closer as a soft sigh of relaxation left him.
Eric had lost all sense of time. He honestly hadn’t a clue how long it had been since Lizzie had come home or how long they had been cuddling in bed now. Time felt like it had stopped and it was just them in their own little world together. He pretty much forgot about anything that wasn’t Lizzie—that is until she suggested that they get up, ”Mm…five more minutes…”

He didn’t anticipate her saying no, and he had no reason to feel the need to persuade her to stay, but even so his hand between her legs slid up higher to teasingly brush his thumb over her and watched as a slight shudder ran through her still sensitive body at his touch. When her eyes were able to refocus on him he held her gaze for a moment before kissing her and hiking her leg back over him before settling down against her to enjoy his last few minutes of calm and quiet closeness.

Eric couldn't remember the last time he had felt so comfortable and at peace. This was what he had been missing all his life. Laying with her now it was like all his problems just dissipated into thin air. They had overcome the biggest hurdle between them yet and in this moment Eric felt invincible. As though nothing else could ever drive them apart. This was perfect. This was everything. This was all he needed and more than he had ever imagined all at once. But this also couldn’t last forever and eventually Lizzie managed to pull away from his hold just enough to sit up in place beside him.

She was hugging the blanket around her as she insisted that they should get dressed now, but Eric needed a little more convincing to give up the heaven they had created. He pushed himself up slightly, the other hand reaching out in an attempt to tug the blanket down. He didn’t quite succeed at exposing her again, but Eric settled for slipping his hand under the fabric to caress the soft skin under her breasts before sitting himself the rest of the way up. He was pouting as he pulled her in towards him, mumbling into her skin that no one else was even home. Although that wasn’t actually a claim that he had any solid evidence to back up. For all he knew someone could have come home while they were deep in the throws of passion. And Lizzie’s already lightly flushed cheeks darkened to a deeper shade as she stated that very possibility aloud and realized that if it were true then someone could have heard them, ”Besides, even if no one is back yet, they will be soon.”

Eric was stubborn in not wanting to move but once he was finally convinced to get up he climbed over her to get out of bed and find something to wear. If it wasn't mid December then he likely would have just settled for his underwear and one other article of clothing. Whichever he could grab first whether it was pants, shirt or jumper. But as it was the rest of the flat would be far too cold to just wear the bare minimum. The only thing keeping him from freezing up till now was the combined warmth he and Lizzie had created—“Can I get you anything, love?” Water? Clean underwear? Fresh clothes? A towel…? Eric hadn’t even finished getting dressed himself and he was already turning back to tend to her first.

Maybe Lizzie had caught on that he was taking advantage of this as an excuse to stay with her—once she managed to assure him that she didn’t need anything else Eric returned to the side of the bed to leave a gentle kiss on her forehead before he finally left the room first, giving her a moment to herself while he prepared in the kitchen. Except, Eric only managed to get waters out for the both of them in the time they were apart. So much for preparing food like he said he would. He was still on cloud nine and struggling to stay on task alone in the kitchen, but his focus shifted dramatically from the second Lizzie entered the room and his eyes locked on her. Of course this wasn't anything new, after all he usually watched her. But there was no denying an intensity behind his gaze that hadn't been there before. It was that tiny flicker of ego resurfacing in the form of lustful confidence. The words themselves would be too easy to misinterpret in an objectifying manner, and Eric didn’t have the confidence to say them outloud.…but Lizzie was his. And he was hers. Before today they had already overcome so much together, but now they had finally knocked down the last wall between them and with it came a huge relief for Eric. It was as though he could finally breathe again for the first time in years.

Seeing how unsuccessful he had been, Lizzie was quick to insist he just sit down and let her serve him. So after pulling out the stool at the island Eric rested his elbow on the surface to hold his head up as he watched Lizzie transfer the food from the to-go box to a microwave safe plate to heat up, “Come here, love…”

She wouldn’t get anything done at this rate. While the microwave hummed in the background Lizzie came over, standing between his legs when he opened them for her and resting her hands on his thighs. He smiled, taking in how beautiful she was in that moment. Her hair was still slightly disheveled despite her earlier attempt to fix it. It wasn’t noticeable, but Eric knew why it looked like that and so his smile only grew. She asked “what”, as though he had an inside joke he was keeping from her, “I was just thinking….” Trailing off like that of course only further piqued her curiosity and had Lizzie on the figurative edge of her seat waiting to finally get a peek inside her boyfriend’s head without it having to be an entire ordeal to get there, “How lucky I am to have you.”

It wasn’t quite that Lizzie’s smile faltered, but it was clear that wasn’t exactly what she had thought he would say and Eric wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer to him while she took her couple seconds for his words to fully sink in.

He had never doubted her love for him, not once ever, but Eric was in the position now of being able to reflect back on everything they had been through and he was all too aware of how difficult he made their relationship. Any normal person would have called it quits long ago and not been willing to wait for him through all his ups and downs that came between them. But Lizzie wasn’t any normal person. No, she was extraordinary. And not only had she waited, but when the time came she was always there to hold his hand through it every step of the way.

Eric kissed her. Because of course, how could he resist when she was in such close proximity to him? Her arms wrapped loosely around his neck, taking advantage of his hair still being out of the way in the messy bun they had put it in before. When the microwave finally beeped he felt Lizzie pull back and he tried to follow but Lizzie’s giggling warning tone to her voice told him to let her go and for the first time today he did so without further protest. In fact besides a soft “thank you” as she placed his food in front of him, Eric was quiet for a short while. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, more so that his appetite had finally caught up with him and while he took his first few bites Lizzie had occupied herself with her phone.

”How was work?” Lizzie pretty much knew everything he had been up to for the past 24 hours. The only time they hadn’t been in contact was while he was asleep. But it was during those hours that Lizzie had been away at her internship and that was now the only section of the day that Eric didn’t know about. Surely things couldn’t have been too much or frustrating as she had seemed to be in a pretty good mood when he had woken up earlier. But he was also aware of how similar they could be. If she had had a bad day then chances are she would have tried to hide it from him, so this was his chance to hear it from her directly. Eric of course wanted to know every detail—partly because he genuinely cared, partly because he wanted any excuse to listen to her talk. So much so that when they had relocated to the couch and the conversation turned back to his song dilemma he wasn’t as careful with his own words as he normally would have been.

”So, Olivia?” The song that is, they were discussing the songs that Lizzie had uncovered in his notebooks last night, most of which Eric didn’t really feel would work, but Olivia might actually work, ”I mean, I could do Kiwi.”
That was the moment Eric normally might have been more cautious about. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep this song from her, but it’s just…this was Lizzie he was talking to, and Lizzie would want to know everything he could possibly share because she was forever curious.

”Kiwi?” He couldn’t help but smile at her giggle despite knowing exactly where this was headed as she proceeded to ask what the song was about.
”A girl who, uhm…” he paused, his hand running over her where they were in physical contact with each other. His silence wasn’t particularly long or heavy, but it was clear that he was choosing his next words carefully, ”Who made a lot of bad decisions.”

”It’s fun—that’s still only two songs though,” Not that he had to fill all three of the slots he had been given. Two songs would be fine, but something about the look in his sweet angel of a girlfriend’s eyes left him unsatisfied with just defaulting to whatever was easiest. She was already far more invested in this gig than he was, and he had to find a way to live up to whatever expectations she had for him, ”Maybe I should just do a cover…”​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 121918-----------❖ LOCATION — boundary-----------❖ COMPANY — just them
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Lizzie looked up over her phone as Eric stabbed into his reheated late lunch. It’s become a developed talent of hers to determine Eric’s level of hunger by the types of bites he takes of his meal. Sure, it also helped knowing whether or not he actually ate that day, but even without that knowledge, Lizzie was all too aware when her boyfriend was starving. And, well, considering their extraneous activity earlier and having slept nearly the entire time he was home, Eric had to be starving.

With this in mind and the memories of earlier flooding her thoughts, Lizzie giggled to herself then dropped her gaze back to her phone.

She didn’t have much time to stare at Instagram though as Eric once more grabbed her attention to ask about work. Instead of answering right away, she pondered over where to begin and also what to even share. It wasn’t like there was much to tell him. It was the first day of the new work schedule after all. There was never anything real worthy of sharing on the first day of work. But still, she was aware that Eric was asking about work because he was genuinely curious; not just some excuse to talk some more. She had to at least make some sort of an effort.

“Well,” she started, turning off her phone and placing it face down on the table, “I’m not gonna lie. I feel like I’m back on my old swim schedule or something. Minus the morning at the pool. But, like, waking up hella early and everything. Especially because, like, majority of the time I’m only going to be at the office for an hour for the class. Unless, of course, there are guest speakers. We’re supposed to be getting that schedule tomorrow.” This quickly turned into her explaining the entire first day of class. Every so often she would have to pause to make sure he took another bite of his food. By the time she finished explaining class though, he was done with his food.

“Work itself, on the other hand, these next couple weeks though are going to be insane!” she said while she took the now empty plate to the sink to wash. “Before I left today, Sadie, my mentor at the internship, gave me a heads up that there is, like, a change in the work schedule for the holidays. So like, we’re all going to be working from home for the most part. And for the class, I honestly have no idea if we’re supposed to come in or not. Our instructor still hasn’t discussed that with the company. All I know is it’s going to be assigned reading to prepare us for our first guest speaker after New Year. I also think we’re supposed to, like, attend a webinar or something, but I’ll have to double check that?”

After drying her hands, she returned to the kitchen island. Instead of taking her seat again, she accepted Eric’s invitation to return to her spot between his legs. “I think what ended up happening was a lot of people were calling out for the holidays. I mean, fair. But yeah, like, basically there was going to be no point in the interns coming in if, like, half of the staff was going to be gone. So now instead of going into our internship next week, we have to take home, like, I think five or six manuscripts to read. It’s apparently supposed to be the equivalent of a full work week. I guess…” She dropped her gaze. It was growing increasingly harder to focus on what she was saying. The way he was holding her, pulling her closer and closer with each sentence she uttered in their tiny bubble, it felt like her words were fading away to make room for each and every time their skin touched. Even hours after making love, his skin felt so warm against her.

In an attempt to regain her focus, Lizzie grabbed Eric’s hands from under her sweater and held them tightly. She reached behind her so that their entwined hands rested against her back. Maybe if she kept his hands occupied with her own she could stop the compelling urge to ask him to move his hands higher. “I should probably mention though. I dunno if it’ll even matter much in the long run, but the office is going to be having a Christmas party on Friday after work? There were some fits of laughter going around when this was announced…should I be concerned? The only thing I was made aware of is to probably work out getting a ride home after? Would you like to volunteer?”

After the work conversation in the kitchen, Lizzie concluded she needed some space from Eric if she was going to survive the rest of the night without the urge to go for a round two. Don’t get Lizzie wrong, she wasn’t suddenly some sex crazed lunatic that thought about nothing but sex in the relationship. But even hours later, she was still running on that high and she needed a distraction to bring her back down to Earth. So when Eric brought the topic of his song selections for the band gig’s set list to the living room, she insisted on sitting on the other couch while they browsed over his notebooks. Eric wasn’t much of a fan of this seating arrangement, but Lizzie knew how to work around his upset.

“Another cover?” Lizzie paused to think this over. “But aren’t you already doing a cover song early in the set?” Eric nodded to confirm, but clarified that they were still tossing over options. “I mean, I suppose it’s fine to do another cover since you’ll be the one performing it. But are you sure there aren’t any other of your songs that can work? What about some of the others that were just lyrics? Do any of them have music with it?”

Whether or not Lizzie convinced him to give some of his other original work another shot, in the end she offered to help compile a separate list of cover songs that he felt could fit with the setlist. Did she feel overall satisfied with the work they put into picking songs for him to perform? Two out of three sure didn’t sound too bad. But considering she only knew one and knew near nothing about the other, could she even count it as contributing two of three? Regardless, she had to remind herself that she should be grateful he was letting her help in the first place.

“What’s wrong?” Eric’s question cut through her rolling cloud of thoughts like lightning. Lizzie blinked then turned to look up at him. She didn’t even notice that he left to return the notebooks back to the room.

She quickly shook her head as he took a seat beside her on the couch. “Nothing!” She smiled at him reassuringly. He didn’t say anything after. Instead he left them sitting in a long pause as if waiting for her to say more.

Lizzie let out a soft breath. “I kinda wished I was a bit more helpful? Like, sure you got sold on two songs, but I feel like I just added more work for you to do just to decide on the last song.” She could feel her smile drop as she turned away from him.

But leave it to Eric to know the exact ways to make her feel better. She couldn’t even pinpoint exactly how it happened, but after he pulled her into his warm embrace and some sweet soothing words, Lizzie was suddenly sitting on his lap with her head resting against his shoulder. Wait, didn’t she want space so that she could think like a functioning adult?

Yeah, no. That wasn’t going to happen tonight. Not after Eric’s hands once more found their way under her sweater to rest across her stomach and her hips. Whatever worries she had a moment ago faded when she became aware of his thumb brushing against the area of her skin that was dangerously close to one of the handful of lovebites he left across her torso. Suddenly her mind went back to that very moment.

Her breathing came out quick and shallow against his neck. It was becoming more difficult to stay grounded to the present. Each time his hand moved across her skin another memory flashed across her mind. She had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from saying anything her distracted mind could not filter.

Only…one managed to escape.

“Do you know how many you left on me?” Her voice was low, wanting to keep this conversation as private as possible in such a public space. Not that there was really any fear of them being heard. Last she was aware, no one was even home yet.

She felt Eric hold a breath. As she looked up at him, she saw that he was looking directly at her. There was a spark in his eyes. It was a sight she hadn’t seen before and she wondered what brought on this sudden new gaze. Curious, she wanted to learn more about it.

When he didn’t offer a guess, Lizzie carefully adjusted her position on his lap so that she was now face to face with him with her legs on either side of his thighs on the couch. His hands were now resting on her waist. “I counted…after you left to go to the kitchen…” Her heart was pounding in her ears and her head was racing hundreds of miles a minute. The initial high from hours before was boiling through her veins again.

She swayed her hips closer and placed her hands gently on his shoulders. Each time her hips pressed against him, she felt his grip on her tighten briefly. “You definitely left more than before. Maybe it’s time I return the favor…” She didn’t even finish her velvety teasing before Eric leaned forward and shut her up with his lips. There was no hesitation as Lizzie kissed him back hard and eagerly.

Her lips didn’t stay on his for long though. Just as her perception of the living room became smaller to only encompass the sounds of their pleasure, Lizzie trailed her kisses from the edge of his mouth then across and down his cheek until she was at the side of his neck. Her drive was more fueled as Eric tilted his head to the other side to invite her to explore more. Thank goodness he still had his hair up.

“Is this where you want it?” she whispered into his warm skin.

Her hands snaked around his shoulders until her chest was pressed tightly against his. Every touch had her feeling sensory overload. One minute she was focusing on the fabric of his sweater balled up in her tight fists. The next she was melting over the way his hands teased her going slowly up up up her back from under her own sweater. Ugh. It wasn’t fair. Did he know what he was doing to her?

The only way she could stay moderately aware of what was happening in their little bubble was to focus on his neck. Every kiss, lick, nibble, suck and gentle bite brought on different reactions from Eric. And much to her excitement, all of them were good.

Despite the fact that they were obviously enjoying themselves, Lizzie wanted to make sure all of her bases were covered. She may be running on this passion high, but even that cloud could not distract her from the reminder that Eric’s safety was always her top priority. “Tell me if you want me to stop…” she said in a low voice, pulling away just a tiny inch to give Eric that time to process her words. “Just let me know if it gets uncomfortable for you.”

She stared at the red spot on the side of his neck as he mumbled his response. “What, baby?” Before she could even pull her head back further, he repeated his words in a louder voice. It was the same words he spoke earlier when she dared to try to stop them from making love. The same plea and desperation in his voice that urged her, begged her to please don’t stop. Honestly, that was all the reassurance she needed to gain the confidence to continue without fear that she was hurting him.

And she would have kept going. She would have added more of her own lovebites across his neck had a third, shocked voice not broken through their love bubble.

“You two know you have an entire bedroom all to yourselves until New Year, right?” Olivia’s voice still felt very distant compared to the size of the living room. Even though it was now broken, Lizzie and Eric’s bubble was taking its sweet time going away to once more invite the outside world.

It was Lizzie that acknowledged the new person in the common room first. She could feel Eric’s heavy breathing against her skin as she pulled away and sat up straight to look at Olivia. Her flatmate looked right back at Lizzie for a second then her eyes shifted past her to Eric, looking at him longer than she had her. Now that the bubble had burst, Lizzie was suddenly hyper aware of the compromising position they were in on the couch. The longer Olivia quietly looked at her best friend, the more Lizzie wondered if she should probably get off Eric’s lap. But his hands hadn’t moved from its firm grip on her thighs since his best friend walked in.

Eventually, Olivia cleared her throat and took another step into the common room. “Well, if you’re going to continue, maybe move it to your own room before the boys come home,” she said. There was the smallest note of teasing in her tone which relaxed Lizzie some. “Or maybe just take a cold shower,” she added while she put away what looked like leftover food in the refrigerator.

Lizzie now felt the embarrassment of getting caught. Her cheeks burned as she finally climbed off Eric’s lap to sit beside him on the couch. She couldn’t even look anywhere other than a random spot on the coffee table while Olivia moved around the kitchen doing whatever it was that she was doing back there. It wasn’t until she heard footsteps coming closer did she pluck up the courage to look up. Olivia’s expression was full blown teasing now. Never before had she seen her flatmate with such a huge smirk on her face before. “Well, as you were. But if you do intend to continue on that couch, please keep your clothes on.”

The moment Olivia disappeared down the hall, Lizzie let out an exaggerated breath and covered her face in her hands. “I’m gonna be honest, getting caught by your best friend was far more terrifying than I thought it would be.” Her head snapped up toward the double doors and she craned her neck closer in an attempt to determine if they were still in earshot of her. “Did she always look so…judgy?” She turned to look at Eric. As soon as their eyes met, she started giggling. It was her mind’s attempt to recover from what just happened.

“Maybe Olivia’s right. We might need a cold shower after everything we did today. Do you want to go first?” Eric didn’t even skip a beat when he offered up his counter offer: they could shower together instead. Lizzie giggled. “Tempting offer, but I feel it might defeat the purpose of the cold shower.”

After the shared cold shower, although it didn’t stay cold for too long, Lizzie and Eric were practically inseparable for the rest of the night. The only time they ever left each other was when one had to go to the bathroom. But even then it was likely they would have gone together were it not for the pressure of the other flatmates at home. It was one thing to be caught by Olivia in this new intimacy layer of their love bubble. It would be a whole other kind of mess were Angel to catch wind of this new development in their relationship. In the end, they took Olivia’s advice and remained safely in their bedroom for the remainder of the evening, even going so far as to take their dinner there. At least then no one would catch Lizzie in the middle of giving Eric’s single lovebite some company.

It would be her own lovebites around her neck that motivated her to get out of bed the next morning. “It just occurred to me,” she said as she concentrated on her reflection in the small mirror sitting on her desk, “when did I start referring to hickies as lovebites?” After applying a couple more dabs of concealer onto her neck, she turned to look at Eric. Very briefly, her eyes traveled up and down his exposed chest before landing on the discoloration she left on him last night on his collarbone. “I was asking Lacey yesterday if she had any tips other than concealer or a scarf to hide lovebites and she was like ‘What are lovebites?’”

After stuffing her concealer into her work purse, Lizzie stood up from the desk to pick out her outfit. She was in the middle of choosing between two blouses when she noticed in the corner of her eye Eric finally climbing out of bed. Once again, she looked at her own damage on his skin. “Babe, I don’t think your work shirt is going to hide that one,” she said, pointing at the one right below his jawline. “Did you wanna use some of my concealer to cover it up?” She paused, considering her offer again. “Actually, I might be darker than you though….” She paused again until she remembered a long ago detail. “Wait, where is the one Olivia got you last month?”

A couple hours later, Lizzie followed behind Patricia and Beth to the exit of the publishing building. Her friends were in the midst of a conversation about the extra manuscripts they were assigned this week while she was reading the texts Eric left her when she was still in class. “I wonder how they expect us to read six manuscripts in one week on top of all the prep reading we gotta do for this class. Does this mean we also have to give reports to these two as well?” Beth had directed this question at Lizzie, but as previously mentioned, she was preoccupied with her boyfriend’s texts. “Hey! Lizzie Darcy! Pole!”

Lizzie’s head immediately shot up as she stopped abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk. When she finally registered that there wasn’t actually a pole in her way, she shot her laughing friends a look then locked her phone. Luckily Eric didn’t have his first break for another hour. She could respond by then without the fear of torment or bodily harm.

“What did Sadie tell you about the extra two we gotta read this week?” Patricia asked again once they were seated at a table at their usual post-internship breakfast spot. “Are we supposed to add those to the reports for Saturday?”

Lizzie shook her head. While they browsed the menu she explained to her friends what her mentor told her after class earlier. It was pretty evident on her friends’ faces that they were already stressed about the amount of reading they had to do in the next two weeks. Just when they thought they were finally going to have a break during the winter holiday, they were proven very very wrong.

“Have y’all made any dents on the readings you were assigned this week? I’m struggling to get through mine. It’s sooooo dry.” Beth sighed as she looked down, probably at her work purse at her feet. She was one of the unfortunate interns to get assigned one of the denser drafts to review this week. And between the three of them, she was the most stressed about getting through her workload.

Before Lizzie could contribute more to their conversation, she had one other task to complete first. She still needed to respond back to Eric who was probably waiting or expecting some kind of response from her by now.

hi babe! out of class. with the girls rn at our ​

breakfast spot. i was thinkinggggg! i think ​

imma stay in the city today. the girls and i ​

are talking about doing some kinda reading ​

lockdown business cuz we got dropped with ​

two more drafts to read this week. beth is ​

stressed about it and i think patricia is ​

inviting us over to her place to make some ​

forced progress. i can probs leave around ​

the time you get off and i can meet you ​

outside the hotel? ​

During the time she was spending with her friends, Lizzie was also in the middle of a text conversation with Eric about potential plans after he got off work. Granted, the said text conversation wasn’t consistent. It was naturally on and off depending on Eric’s breaks and whenever he could slip away long enough to answer her text. But it immediately came to light in their conversation that Lizzie wasn’t in the mood to head straight home after Eric got off work. After all, she agreed to hang out and read for work with her work friends instead of going straight home to do the very same task. So when this realization arose between the couple, Lizzie took it upon herself to plan out what was turning into an impromptu date night.

The more invested Lizzie got into planning this date night, the more difficult it was to focus on her readings. Don’t get her wrong, she still made a decent dent in her progress. But whenever she reached a point in her reading when she needed a break, she immediately pulled out her phone and looked up the most popular or nearby activities she and Eric could do later tonight.

Overall, Lizzie felt accomplished between both tasks. By the time she said her goodbyes to Beth and Patricia, she was more than halfway through her manuscript reading and had set up a Google Doc for the three of them so that they could write notes on the class readings. It was Beth’s bright idea that instead of struggling to get through all the class readings on their own, they should just assign portions of the readings to each other and write notes to share. As for her date night with Eric, she had a couple ideas where they could go together.

hi babe! i’m on my way rn! see you soon!​

As agreed, Lizzie waited for Eric at the Starbucks near the hotel. It was his idea to meet there because he was certain that he wouldn’t get out of work exactly at four to meet her outside the hotel and he didn’t want her to freeze to death while waiting for him. That really was the gamble with London. If it wasn’t constantly raining, it would be unbearably windy and cold. Tonight was the latter.

She immediately caught sight of Eric as he walked past the frosted windows to enter. Her already big smile brightened more at the sight of him. Was it too much to say that she missed him the entire day? Probably not, but regardless, she missed him like crazy and it was starting to show.

“Hey you!” she greeted cheerily, standing up to better meet him halfway for a kiss. “Thanks for letting me know you were on your way. Gave me a better time frame to order us a couple teas. I figured we can warm up here first before we head out? It’s hella freezing today! Lemme go get some sugar packets. I didn’t wanna assume how many you took in yours. And then we can talk about my ideas for tonight! I think you’re gonna love them!” As he shook off his backpack, Lizzie closed her manuscript then left to the little table where all the sugars were left out to grab.

As soon as she returned to the table, she could immediately tell something was off with Eric. Her smile faltered. “Hey, is something wrong? You look worried about something?”

She initially struggled to get Eric’s concerns out of him. But instead of getting frustrated about it, she reminded herself to be patient with him. He would share his thoughts with her once he felt comfortable. All she needed to do was remind him that he was in a safe space with her to not feel judged. So when he finally confessed that he was actually pretty hesitant about tonight, Lizzie needed to pause to compose her thoughts to properly get through this.

Despite her efforts, Lizzie failed to hide her disappointment. Which then turned to guilt to mirror Eric’s when he watched her expression change. She didn’t want him to feel terrible for telling her that he didn’t want to go out tonight. But deep down, she wished he had said something sooner; like when they were discussing going out over text. At least then she wouldn’t have put in the effort to plan out their entire evening. As it was, she couldn’t shake off the disappointment that all this work for tonight would be for nothing.

Once the initial disappointment faded, Lizzie took in a deep breath and went back into her problem solving girlfriend mode. “So you just wanna go home?” she asked. She watched as Eric hesitated to say yes. “Oh okay. I guess we can just, like, reschedule tonight for another time. I just dunno when? Now that I’ve got far more things to do for work, I dunno when is the next time I can, like, go out and not have my workload hover over my head. You know? Like, I know we can spend time together at home, and we do, but it’s not often we go out.” She gently scratched at the cup sleeve. “You seemed excited to go out tonight when we were texting earlier. I was actually going to tell you that Draughts is having a trivia night tonight. I know you’ve been wanting to check that out.” She looked up from her phone to meet his gaze. The way he looked at her was breaking her heart and she wanted to get to the bottom of this. What changed between now and all those hours ago? “Is something wrong? Did something happen at work? If that’s what it is, of course I don’t want to force you to stay out. All because I wanted to enjoy some time out together before I gotta get through all these readings.”

Eric didn’t answer for a long while and Lizzie didn’t want to rush him. She already felt bad that she might be guilting him into changing his mind. The least she could do was let him work through whatever it was that was making him hesitant to just talk to her.

When he finally gave her a response, everything just fell into place and made sense. He confessed that he had to go to Barking on Sunday. That was it. That was all he told her. But it was enough. Although she was still not aware just how much Eric owed Howard every month, she knew enough to know that despite the many hours he worked, it was only barely enough to make payments. Which meant that, if her theory was correct, he didn’t have enough pocket change right now to afford a date night tonight. Even though Lizzie made sure everything they did tonight was in a decent budget for Eric, he would need to dip into that drop off funds.

No. She couldn’t let that happen. She knew now what would happen if he had to stoop to that point just to make her happy. And she would rather throw herself at the wrath of that devil than have Eric resort to working for him again.

“Okay, I understand,” she said. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Once they finished their teas, Lizzie and Eric bundled back up in their jackets and left Starbucks to go to the station. As they walked, Eric asked her to share the plans she made for tonight. Even if they weren’t going to go through with them, she still put so much effort into making sure they would have a good time. The least he could do was listen to the itinerary. She told him that they would have dinner at ABC. Since it was the winter holidays, neither of them had any excuse to be near her school so it has been a while since they last ate there. Lizzie then explained that she thought it would be cute if they went ice skating since tonight was one of the lucky nights that it wasn’t downpouring. Immediately, she could see how much that idea hurt Eric. She reassured him that the ice rink would be open through the holidays so they could definitely go another time. She then told him again about trivia night at Draughts and reminded him that she now followed their Instagram page so she would keep track of upcoming events.

Lizzie could tell Eric still felt guilty about tonight. Every time she looked at him while on the train, he would either avoid her gaze or when he was looking at her, it was because she wasn’t looking at him and she caught him looking at her. Each time their eyes met, they just looked so sad. She reminded him the entire trip home that he didn’t have to worry about their plans not following through tonight. They would have plenty of other opportunities once the holidays were over to have plenty of better planned date nights.

His mood hadn’t changed much by the time they arrived on Boundary.

Lizzie sighed. “Hey,” she said, giving Eric’s hand a firm squeeze. Once he had her attention, she smiled up at him. “I just wanted to say, um, that with everything that’s happened, you know, from yesterday and before then and earlier, um….” Her mind froze trying to elegantly express what she wanted to say. It didn’t take her long to realize that she was overcomplicating her words. After clearing her throat, she took his hand in both of hers and squeezed it. She then looked up at him and made sure he was looking right back at her. “Thank you…for trusting me.” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122018-----------❖ LOCATION — outside the pool-----------❖ COMPANY — no one
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

He honestly just felt like such a massive disappointment. How many times now had he let her down? It seemed as though nothing he did was ever right, it was as though his every decision was a double edged sword. Last time when he didn’t speak up he had ended up in Barking after carelessly spending everything he had on Lizzie, so in his effort to avoid that mistake he had told her now why he couldn’t go through with her plans for a date night. So why did he feel so guilty over it? Either way she would have been upset with him, but if he hadn’t said anything then at least they could have had a nice evening together. As it was they were just returning home in mostly silence and each passing minute just weighed on him more heavily than the last. But surely he ultimately made the correct decision, right?

She had thanked him for trusting her—but Eric trusted her more than anyone in the world. And that included Olivia. Yes his best friend knew him and his life events inside and out, but Eric had already disclosed secrets to Lizzie that he had previously sworn to take to his grave. And not to mention that the way Olivia and Lizzie handled sensitive information was so vastly different. With Olivia there was always a chance that she would try to do something about it. She always wanted to help but that could sometimes turn pushy as she went full mother bear with her love. So it wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, but there were things he just didn’t want to be brought up because he knew she wouldn’t let it go until she felt she had helped in some way.

Whereas with Lizzie, he had been able to tell her things and she left it at that. Yes they had fallen out a couple times when his secrets came to light, but she wasn’t here coddling him and inadvertently making him feel worse about it. She gave him the time and space he needed. She never once criticized him or held something against him. She made him feel safe to tell her anything—but whether or not he was ready to tell things was a different matter.

But her thank you did little to ease his nerves. If anything he initially just felt worse. She had done so much for him but he couldn't even do this one thing for her? She had just wanted dinner and drinks at their usual spots. It wouldn’t have been too expensive and they could have easily split the bill. Surely he could manage that for her! Yes they were already home, but it wasn’t too late to tell her that he had changed his mind, he could drive them back downtown and fix everything right now. But as soon as he opened his mouth to offer that he shut it just as quickly, eating his own words before they even left his lips. This wasn't just about needing to deliver his entire paycheck on Sunday in Barking. As hard as it was for him financially, Eric wasn’t an idiot. Whenever he could afford it he always made an effort to keep some pocket money for himself. For food, or gas, or any other life saving purchase. Once they had entered December though, Eric had made the decision to save every spare pence he had this month to buy his love a Christmas present. But….was it worth it? The disappointment on her face earlier was absolutely heart wrenching and he found himself unable to erase it from the forefront of his mind.

Eric didn’t respond and his eyes dropped to try and avoid her gaze as his emotions wreaked havoc on his mental state. But Lizzie was quick. Before he even had time to formulate a proper thought she was verbally pulling him back to her with a gentle but firm “Eric,” He still hesitated briefly but raised his gaze to meet hers at which she once again squeezed his hand. The look in her eye and the tone to her voice told him that she knew. She knew his guilt was eating at him still and he was beating himself up over his earlier decision to cancel date night. Lizzie went on to softly insist that it wasn't his fault and while Eric didn’t agree with that he still nodded silently before allowing his eyes to drop once more to watch their joined hands as he returned the squeeze.

He knew that wasn’t quite the response that she was looking for, but as much as Lizzie had tried, her attempts had done little to assure him that it was alright, and it was killing him that he had crashed her plans for date night. But even more so because of the deeply rooted reason why. This was literally why he had struggled so hard in the beginning with allowing himself to fall in love. This was exactly the type of scenario that plagued his thoughts and had him continuously comparing himself and doubting whether he was worthy of even being her boyfriend. And this was what had driven them apart time and time again. This was Barking, and Eric was at a loss how to keep it out of their relationship when it controlled his very life and dictated his every decision.

”I’m sorry…” Almost instantly he felt Lizzie’s hands leave his and they instead framed his face. He could feel her eyes dancing back and forth trying to meet his as she spoke. She insisted that he didn’t need to apologize. Repeating that it wasn’t his fault and that she was glad he had told her. That there would be other chances to spend time out together and she didn't mind an evening in. She was happy just to be able to be with him.

It wasn't that Eric didn't believe her, but he was having a hard time letting himself off the hook for tonight's date fail. Lizzie loved going out, and she had been the one to point out how tight it was for them with scheduling. It could be a while until another opportunity came up, but here she was going back on what she had said earlier and saying that they would get a chance later.

But later felt an awful lot like one day as Eric finally followed Lizzie into the flat. He was truly trying to stop fixating on how upset he was with himself, but it wasn’t until Lizzie managed to coax a smile out of him that Eric was able to take a much needed deep breath and a step in the right direction as he suggested they go ahead and start making dinner.

And of course date night in wouldn’t be complete without cuddling up in front of the TV. But after pressing play and setting the remote down, Eric’s eyes weren’t watching the screen and instead were glued to Lizzie as he turned over his shoulder to watch her drop off their dirty dishes in the kitchen. It was as though she could feel his eyes on her as Lizzie glanced back at him and smiled.

It was the type of smile that could right all wrongs and heal all wounds; banishing everything else around them so that it was just the two of them in their own little world. And it was with that smile that time and time again Lizzie had managed to ground him there on Earth with her when not even gravity was strong enough to hold him. But just as Lizzie had this non-verbal power over him, Eric too held a similar strength in his gaze as she answered his silent summons by returning to the couch sooner than she had originally planned. The dishes could be dealt with after their movie~

Eric scooted over just a smidge so as to encourage Lizzie to sit directly beside him, not that he really needed to. She was just as focused on him as he was on her. And so once Lizzie was sat on the couch the walls to their bubble instantly inflated and Eric could no longer even hear the TV in front of them. He kissed her immediately, but softly and sweet as his hand found her thigh against his and available for holding. They were in sync and parted naturally at just the right moment to settle in and turn their attention to the screen—well, the timing was perfect at least, but Eric didn’t let them stop as he leaned back into her. His lips pressed back against hers with much more strength this time and his hand squeezed at her as a means to both keep her there but to also allow all of his senses drown in her love.

The concept of time was a hard one to grasp when it came to Lizzie. On the one hand she had the ability to make time stand still, and five minutes felt like twenty. But she could also speed it up and make time fly faster than Eric could process and thus making those five minutes pass as mere seconds. That was how it felt when the taste of her slipped off his tongue and his quiet moan turned almost into a whine as Eric opened his eyes to see she had pulled back to break their kiss. A flicker of confusion crossed his face and she must’ve caught his expression as she giggled and reached up to adjust his hair back to a more presentable state as she pointed out that they probably shouldn’t let themselves continue out here in the common room, ”Olivia might kill us this time.”

As upset as he was at the prospect of stopping, she did have a point, and he didn’t think either of them would be able to face his best friend later if they let themselves carry on like this. Eric understood and agreed with putting away their intimate feelings for a more private setting, but he was still just a little sad. He had finally been feeling better about his earlier disappointment, or at least had been able to distract himself from thinking about it. But it wasn’t explicitly the sexual contact that Eric craved; he wasn’t upset that their impromtu make out sesh had come to quick stop, it was just that Lizzie had enveloped his entire being and being pulled out of that soul soothing comfort was rather disorienting.

Suddenly he was back to being all too aware of reality as they rearranged and entangled themselves with one another, opening their bubble to include the TV finally while still maintaining as much physical contact as possible. But Lizzie’s magic spell had lifted and this shift in their focus was ultimately his undoing. By the movie’s halfway point Eric was laying across the couch and using Lizzie's lap as a pillow. Her hands ran through his hair in such a way that left him weak against his body’s desire for sleep and each of his blinks grew heavier and heavier until his subconscious felt Lizzie’s fingers still against his head and her angel sweet voice called for his attention.

It was his subconscious that noticed though, and she had to try again to get through his half asleep state, ”Babe…?”
“Hm?”
It was pretty clear now that Eric was nodding off more than he was watching the movie, and he turned his head just enough to look up at her as Lizzie went on to ask if they should go climb into bed for the night. They could always finish the movie another day. Eric was fairly quick to agree, he didn’t know what was going on in the movie anymore and as much as he was enjoying the sensation of Lizzie’s fingers through his hair he would still much rather be in the comfort of their bed holding her tight.

But unfortunately for Eric it wasn’t quite as simple as just relocating to the bedroom. In their earlier desire to not let date night weigh them down, neither had changed clothes or washed up for the night as they had primarily spent their evening together in either the kitchen or common room. Normally Eric didn’t have much of a bedtime routine. He wasn’t too particular about what he wore, and skin care was pretty bare bones with just a basic face wash that Olivia had forced into his life. But that could be safely skipped, all he needed to do was brush his teeth and then he could climb into bed—or so he thought.

After he was done in the bathroom he took a seat on the edge of the bed to wait and watch as Lizzie finished getting ready and prepping anything she needed for tomorrow. It was when she looked back at him that she asked if he needed make up remover and that finally triggered the memory of earlier that morning when she had helped him apply concealer to the love bites she had gifted him with . It wasn’t that big a deal, but Lizzie must have noticed the hint of defeat that quickly shrouded him at the thought of having to get back up and return to the bathroom. He just wanted to lie down and bury his face into his pillow—or her pillow—or even better yet Lizzie herself. She didn’t even ask if he wanted help, she didn’t need to, she knew.
”Here…” She was walking towards him, make up wipe in hand and eyes focused on her task at hand: removing her boyfriend’s make up.

The last time Eric had used the concealer was to hide the remnants of violent bruising he had sustained in Barking. Now though it had been used to cover marks made from love. In fact earlier that morning Lizzie had needed to persuade him to even use it. Eric wasn't in any hurry to hide them, if anything seeing them in his reflection brought an odd feeling of pride and reassurance. It was not his first time to have bruises around his neck after such intimacy. But it was the first time they did not stem from a place of pain. That morning when he saw them for the first time he didn't look at them and envision a hand squeezing until he saw stars—all he pictured was Lizzie's perfect lips showering him with all he craved and more. Had Lizzie not been there with him that morning he likely would have left them untreated. But she had been quick to remind him of their run in with his best friend yesterday and their mutual embarrassment over being caught was all the convincing he had needed to put in the effort to find his concealer and let Lizzie apply it for him.

The concealer had certainly saved him from judging eyes and gossip during the day, and not to mention the sheer convenience of it. Why hadn’t he ever thought to use it before? After all, being involved with theatre arts, it wasn’t like he was a complete stranger to make up. But instead Eric had gone through a turtleneck phase all those years ago, when the physical abuse was at its peak and the bruises were too dark and came up too high to be able to make up an excuse for them. Back then his neck was so sensitive to touch, some days it even hurt to talk. But now as Lizzie wiped at his concealer he just gave in completely to her touch. The combined warmth of her fingers but coolness of the makeup wipe just brought a soothing sensation and Eric would have closed his eyes to enjoy the moment had his desire to watch her not been so strong. But it didn’t take long for his eyes to wander from her face down to where his own love bites decorated her skin.

He took in a sharp inhale, not out of discomfort but rather because he had nearly forgotten to breathe while all consumed by her very presence. Their matching temporary tattoos made Eric’s heart sing and when at last it seemed Lizzie was just about done he tugged her closer and down so that his mouth could reach her to leave a gentle kiss against one of her bruises before traveling up to capture her lips for as long as he could. They were safely hidden away in the privacy of their room now, but they had moved in here for a reason: Eric was tired. Not even his passion for his love could give him a second wind tonight, but maybe that was for the better.

Their touches were slow and intentional, much different from the usual rush they felt when alone together. Their—well, Eric’s—hungry desperation was nowhere to be found and instead in its place was a calm and quiet that while fairly new to them, just felt right. This was exactly what they needed to help remedy tonight’s earlier sadness. It was the perfect closure to their night-in together, just the two of them cuddling in bed with their arms and legs intertwined.

But of course in between kisses Eric’s hands did still roam over her body, up the back of her shirt, down her thigh, he was simultaneously taking in as much of her as he could while also moving her to where he wanted. As close as possible and with as much physical contact as he could get. He even took her hand at one point, bringing it up to the back of his neck where he prayed she would run her fingers through his hair. But eventually even this all died down to a sleepy lull, with the only proof that he was still awake being the small circles his fingers drew against her skin and the soft hum of a moan that escaped him at the feeling of Lizzie’s lips on him.

In a sort of last move to situate himself to fall asleep, Eric’s head left the comfort of her neck where he had been nestled and breathing into her ear. His arms wrapped extra tight around her as he shuffled himself ever so slightly down so that he could rest against her chest and the soothing beat of her heart. The deep breath he took was audible to the point you could practically hear the emotion in it. He was trying to force himself to relax against her, not that he was physically tense, but even after the cuddles and kisses and declarations of love he was still having such a hard time letting the earlier events go. And so maybe by pressing himself against her and holding her like a child would their most prized teddy bear, maybe he would be able to lose himself in her everything and find the strength to forgive himself. After all she was not holding it against him, he needed to let it go before it held him back from moving forward in their relationship. It didn’t take long for him to drift off to sleep after that. Eric was where he felt happiest and safest, and so he should have finally knocked out for the rest of the night.

Should have.

It really wasn't like Eric to wake up in the middle of the night, especially ever since moving into Lizzie's bed. These days he slept soundly and once he was out there was very little other than Lizzie herself that could wake him. But tonight was a rare occasion and when Eric's eyes opened to the darkness of their room it took a moment to process where he even was. It was so quiet in the bedroom but he couldn’t hear that tranquility over the sound of his pulse in his ears. He forced a sigh, reaching up to rub his tired eyes as the memory of his dream took over all of his thoughts.

He had been on a boat. A small one person sailboat that just kept going all by itself through the dark waters. There had been no wind to push it along nor waves to keep it moving. It just calmly drifted along for who knows how long. As he had sat there in that boat there were eventually voices from up ahead in the distance. Well, one voice—a woman’s voice. It sounded as though she were looking for him and calling him by name, but try as he might his own voice was never loud enough for her to hear. As he sailed on, her words had taken on a certain hostility. throwing accusations and blame at him. Eric couldn't remember what came after that, and truthfully he didn't want to either. The dream just felt so dark, and sad, and well…random. He wished so badly to forget it entirely, but snippets of it replayed in his head every time he closed his eyes.

The darkness of the room was trying to coax him back to sleep but the darkness behind his eyelids was this haunting and frightening boat ride to who knows where. It wasn’t until turning his head to the side that he could just barely make out Lizzie’s figure beside him and his entire focus immediately zeroed in on her. He was quick to close the gap that had come between them during his dream….or would it be better called a nightmare? Either way by the morning the most he could remember was being on a boat and then waking up to total darkness, so he didn’t have much of a story to tell Lizzie when he admitted to having had a hard time sleeping.

They were in their usual seats at the kitchen island, tea and coffee respectfully in front of them. There wasn’t much time in the mornings for them, so of course they took every spare moment they had and made the best of it. Eric pushed his plate back to make space for his elbow to lean on the table as he shifted the focus to her, ”When is your party, love?”

Turned out it was on Friday. After work. Tomorrow. She went on to ask if he could still pick her up, and to reassure him that it was okay if he couldn’t. It wasn’t often that Eric forgot something Lizzie told him, but in his defense she had asked him in the midst of their love bubble and so the details had understandably slipped his mind in his oxytocin induced high.

And of course he was more than happy to drive her. He would put up with starting and heating his little red car everyday for her if she asked. But he’d be lying if he said he wasn't a teensy bit jealous. It wasn't that he necessarily wanted to attend the party—especially as he knew even less about her work friends than he did her ones from school. Eric definitely wasn't ready to have to be social with more strangers, but just the fact that she was going to be out without him that night left him a little uneasy. A little bit for her safety, but mostly just the realization that he would be home alone waiting for her.

For someone who spent most of his life by himself, he sure did struggle with being away from his new girlfriend, ”Where is it?” That was a reasonable question considering he was going to be picking her up. Was it going to be at Little Hopper? A bar? Restaurant? Someone’s flat?
”Who’s going to be there?”
Was it the whole office? Her department? Just the interns?
Somewhere along with his twenty questions, Eric managed to slip in a needy hint that he would be ready to get her whenever. Just in case she wanted to leave early…or stay late, he didn’t mind waiting up for her.

Eric of course would have loved to stay and talk all morning, but they pretty soon had to part for the day meaning all this party investigation would have to pause until he got home that afternoon—not that there was really anything else he needed to know, Eric just liked listening to her voice and to know everything she was up to. So far his day had been very routine. Quick breakfast with Lizzie, left for work after a prolonged goodbye, and the hotel was busy with the holiday season so his text messaging was restricted to his actual breaks.

It was during one such break that he was informed that the flat would be having a last minute overnight guest tonight: Diana Thompson. Eric didn’t mind, after all she was family to him and it had been months since he last saw her and even longer since he had spent a holiday with her. Not that she was staying that long, Olivia made it very clear it was just for the night. But tis the season and all.

”Eriiiiiiic~” A heads up that they would be dropping by would have been nice. What if he had needed to stay late or had left early? When had Eric ever left early in his life? But that would have understandably ruined the surprise factor that came with his childhood friends waiting outside the hotel when he left for the day just after 4pm.

Despite the mild inconvenience, the smile on his face was genuine as Diana rushed up to close the distance between them, kissing his cheek before they each wrapped their arms around one another for a reunion level embrace. Eric’s eyes landed on Olivia standing just behind as she silently mouthed “I’m sorry”, knowing very well that this was not how Eric had anticipated his afternoon to go.

”I wanted to come surprise you for lunch but Olivia had a meeting she couldn’t get out of. So we’re here to pick you up instead~ You don’t have any plans tonight do you? Let’s go out for dinner, just us three.”

That was fine and all, but as they walked towards the car, Diana went on to ask if they could walk around the shops for a bit before going back as it had “been ages” since she was last in the area, ”Oh and I met your girlfriend Eric. How long were you planning on keep her a secret~”

At the mention of Lizzie, Eric’s mind short circuited and an immense anxiety rushed into his thoughts as he realized he had just texted her before leaving that he was on the way, but now if they were going shopping then it could be a while till he got back. His iPod wouldn’t be able to help him now, so he turned his attention to Olivia as he asked to borrow her phone to text Lizzie.

She assured him that she had already told Lizzie that she was going to pick him up, but that wasn’t enough for Eric, “Olivia, please…”
“Okay fine, I’ll text her, sheesh. ”
She pulled out her phone with a dramatic sigh and once she had her text thread with Lizzie open she went on to imitate Eric's voice under her breath as she said what she was writing aloud, “Hey Lizzie, Eric wanted me to let you know we’re going to be out for a bit still—“
“Hey—”
”—but don’t worry we’ll be back soon—”
”I—”
”—add some extra kisses…”
”Wait—“
“—and sent. You're welcome. Can we go now?”
Eric’s glare lost all intimidation points due to the color now flushing his cheeks. Olivia had made a big deal out of it but he just wanted to assure Lizzie that everything was okay. If she was expecting him home in about 20min, but then for him to not show up because he was out with the girls…he just didn’t want her to worry. He didn’t mean to come off as needy as Olivia made him out to be; as though his every decision depended on Lizzie’s knowledge or approval. Although it sort of was true…

Walking around with Olivia and Diana and catching up with the both of them brought such a comforting nostalgia for Eric. It felt very much as it had all those years ago when he would just tag along with the Thompson sisters whenever they invited him out with their family. It was a lot of Diana just…talking, Olivia speaking on his behalf when he very well could have answered for himself, Eric asking a question, one of the sisters responding and the other rolling her eyes and initiating a sibling bickering fest leaving Eric to have to play referee. But there was no ignoring that despite all members being present, there was something missing in this reunion. Well, for Eric at least. He could physically feel the lack of his other half—his Lizzie wasn’t with him and the further they walked the heavier his every step grew until at last Olivia spoke up about returning to the flat. She pointed out how Eric needed to change out of his uniform before they went to dinner later because, ”I don’t want someone mistaking him as waitstaff.”

When they did at last return to the flat, Eric didn’t wait for the girls to enter behind him. As soon as the door was open he set off down the hall on an obvious mission. The bathroom door at the end was closed so there was a chance that Lizzie was in there. But the door to their bedroom was open so he of course slowed down just long enough to peek inside: no Lizzie.
”We’re back!” Olivia was locking up behind them now but Eric paid no attention to the shuffling of bags or removing of jackets. The double doors to the common room were open, as they should be, so he slowed his steps just in front so as to check for his girlfriend but he almost missed her huddled up in the corner of the couch. He even took a half step towards the bathroom before his body received the message from his brain that he had found Lizzie.

”There you are,” he had crossed over to her immediately and leaned down to greet her with a kiss, ”—missed you.” His words just barely escaped in time before his lips crushed against her again as he sank down onto the couch beside her. Full disclaimer: Eric was not at all acting on the fact that the room was temporarily empty. The other members of the flat were not at all in his thoughts as he gave in to his feelings and the comfort of their bubble—

”Wait so why don’t you guys have a tree yet? You do know that Christmas is next week…”
Eric and Lizzie had had the last few minutes together to greet one another and he was just starting to recap his adventures with the Thompson sisters when almost as if on cue they both walked in together, bickering as usual but with a gift bag in Diana’s left hand.
“Well everyone is going to be gone so we didn’t get one.”
“Then where am I supposed to put Eric’s present?”

At the mention of him, Eric felt his stomach drop a little and he pressed further back into the couch wishing to be able to disappear on the spot. Malcolm was also home, he had been the one in the bathroom earlier and was presently stationed in the kitchen preparing snacks like the accommodating host he was, “Why don’t you just open it now while Diana is here?”
But Diana interjected before Eric could even speak, “He wouldn’t. Eric hates opening presents. And besides, it’s not even Christmas yet.”

Well, she wasn’t wrong. On either of her points. As Lizzie had already found out on his birthday last month, Eric tended to have a hard time receiving presents. And then on top of that he was a long time stickler for not opening Christmas presents until Christmas morning. Christmas used to be his favorite holiday as a child. It wasn’t the present factor but just the traditions of it all. Every year he and his Mum would make hot cocoa and stay up watching Christmas movies. In the morning they would open presents and do crossword puzzles in the kitchen. Of course over time his Christmas traditions began to shift as he slowly lost his mother to addiction, but the habits were so deeply ingrained in him by now that it just felt wrong to go against.

Rather than thanking her for standing up for him though, Eric remained quiet as Diana went on to inquire about setting up a Christmas shrine of sorts for everyone to leave their gifts because after all: ”I mean you did get each other presents right?”
She and Malcolm went to work establishing a communal spot to store Christmas presents until the warm smell of food from the kitchen finally had an audible ding to signify that whatever he had been cooking was ready.

It wasn’t meant to be dinner, just snacks to tide everyone over. But the whole flat was now sat around the common room as Malcolm brought his creation over to set on the coffee table. Eric was still pressed tight against Lizzie having not moved from their spot since he had gotten home. The sisters shared the other couch and Malcolm busied himself with returning to the kitchen in search of beverages.

“Oh my god, do you remember that year Eric burnt the Christmas pudding??” His eyes flashed over to Diana and prayed she would be as sensitive to him as she had been earlier about the present. Apparently not though, she was done protecting him and was moving on to tease. It was moments like this that Eric’s patience for her faltered and he often found himself siding with Olivia in seeing Diana’s annoying little sister traits rather than the close childhood friend she was to him.
“Lizzie, Lizzie, listen~ Okay so Mum and Dad were out right?”

Eric opted to look away. Away from Diana’s teasing looks, away from Olivia’s ever concerned ones and most of all away from Lizzie because she was the last person he wanted to have hear embarrassing childhood stories of him. This story in particular though was bittersweet and twisted. Diana only had the funny memory of Eric burning the dish while cooking in her flat. He had been wanting to cook for Mr. and Mrs. Thompson and have it ready when they returned. Diana thought it was so cute and funny that despite all his efforts Eric had fallen asleep waiting for it to cook and by the time he woke up there was no salvaging his efforts. What she didn’t know was that the night before he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep because he had been up all night taking care of his Mum. He accidentally made eye contact with Olivia despite his attempt to avoid it and that split second look told him everything: she knew. She knew the truth behind Diana’s story and she knew it was hurting, but she also knew better than to try and interrupt or draw attention to it.

Diana wasn’t completely in the dark about his life. She was well aware what life with his Mum had been like. But it was moments like that story that made it clear she never fully connected all the dots. She never had that epiphany moment of looking back on their childhood and noticing all the red flags. For her it was just a happy Christmas memory, and that’s exactly how Eric wanted to leave it.

Above the darker meaning though, Eric was mostly just embarrassed for Lizzie to hear about him like this. At least she already knew he was an alright chef, hopefully….well at least his and Malcolm’s chocolate croissants had turned out alright. And so hopefully she would just take this story as a cute childhood Eric story, “Or what about that one year that—“
But as Diana went on to share another Eric Christmas story, his eyes finally bravely flickered over to the intended audience: Lizzie. While she may have been trying to feign interest, Eric was quick to notice that she really was not that into hearing about any of this. But why…?

He didn’t have time afterwards to inquire in private about what was on Lizzie’s mind, Olivia was quick to point out that they needed to head out for dinner. It had seemed like a good idea earlier when Diana had first asked, but now that it was time to go Eric’s heart was changing its mind real quick. He was such a homebody when it came to Lizzie and since being reunited earlier they had hardly left each other's side. His evenings at the flat with her were so sacred to Eric, so having to leave her now had him stalling and delaying up until the last second when Olivia came to their room to remind him that they literally lived together and Lizzie would still be here when they got back.

Only…she wasn’t?

When they returned a few hours later Eric found their bedroom door to be shut now. With Ricki out of the flat that meant that Lizzie had been the one to close it. But why? Well, it wasn’t a pressing issue. Eric wasn’t specifically concerned about her having locked herself away in their room, he was just curious because usually if he wasn’t home she would wait up in the common room like she had been earlier. He knocked softly and paused afterwards to hold his breath as he waited for an answer. Maybe she had just wanted some privacy or was on the phone or something, so even though they shared the room he still wanted to give her the respect of knocking and not just barging in despite how desperate he was to have her back in his arms.

There was no response to his knocks though. Had she fallen asleep?
”Eric?” His hand was on the handle when Olivia’s voice called him away and down the hall to where she stood in her own doorway. She was holding up a brown paper bag and glancing between him and his door, clearly also wondering about Lizzie but for different reasons. The brown bag was the result of Eric bravely asking earlier if they could make a pit stop on the way to dinner and inside it was a leather bound book wrapped carefully in tissue paper, ”Do you…?”
He hesitated in his response. It was a present for Lizzie, so he didn’t exactly want to walk into their room with it and risk her asking about it. Luckily Olivia could read him clear as day as she went on to say that she’d put it in her room and he could grab it later.

When he was able to turn his attention back to Lizzie he opened the door at last to see—that she wasn’t in their room. In fact the bed itself looked practically untouched. That sent an unsettling shiver up the back of his neck and Eric turned to glance back down the hall as though she would suddenly appear before him. But the bathroom door was open and dark inside, and he had already checked the common room first when he got back. So where was she…?
”Lizzie?”

Just before the anxiety could kick in, Malcolm emerged from his own room to share the story of how he had dropped her off at the pool earlier but he was heading out now to go pick her up. Eric was of course quick to insist that he would go get her, so after confirming with Malcolm where this pool was he went about shrugging his coat back on and checking his pockets for keys, wallet and iPod. He pulled his iPod out when his hand landed on it in his coat pocket and clicked the lock button to wake it up. There weren’t any notifications waiting on his lockscreen, and even after unlocking it and opening up his text thread with Lizzie there still weren’t any new messages from her. Why hadn’t she told him that she was going out…?

It made for a very puzzling drive to the pool. The car itself was silent, just the heater doing its best to warm up the poorly insulated space. His thoughts were too loud to be able to handle fooling with the audio to put on a cassette for the short drive; far too distracted trying to piece together why Lizzie had chosen to go swimming so late at night and why she hadn’t told him that she was going to go. In fact, thinking back on it she had felt a little off all afternoon, even in their texts while he was at work. Something was just off today and he couldn’t place what it was. He had made it to the pool though so he could ask her about it soon enough.

Eric had always managed to get by without a cellphone but it was times like this that he would admit how helpful it would be to have one. He could have texted Lizzie from the warmth of his car and told her he was here, or called her while he was on the way to give her a heads up of the change of plans and that he was coming instead of Malcolm. That would have been a smart move, and as he left the car with his hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets to keep warm, Eric began to wonder if Malcolm had reached out to her after he left to let her know. If not then he would just have to hope that she would come outside to investigate the whereabouts of her ride home as he positioned himself close enough to the entrance to be noticeable without being in the way of anyone trying to enter or exit. ​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122018-----------❖ LOCATION — their bedroom-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Lizzie slowly scrolled through a string of text messages from a conversation she had earlier that week, her mouth silently reading along with the surprisingly lengthy responses. The messages were from Aiden and the topic of their conversation was the prospect of Lizzie getting back into swimming. Not professionally, of course. Lizzie had already come to terms that she was done with competitive swimming. But it occurred to her very recently that she was not ready to completely give it up and have it be just an “in the mood” activity. It was an issue she knew her ex-swimmate and best friend was very familiar with and it was something she knew he could offer some valid advice.

She hadn’t spoken more about this with Aiden since then. He and Lacey were both busy preparing for their Christmas travels. If she remembered correctly, they were either on their way up to Carmel to drop off Marie, her dog, at her dad’s or they were already in the middle of Christmas celebrations with Lacey’s family in Colby. It was fine though. The thing with Aiden that she appreciated the most about their friendship was their ability to talk through a topic or an issue in one sitting without leaving it open for continuation the next day. If anything, he was probably just waiting for her to make her final decision: which she figured he knew to just leave her be to decide on her own.

Well, that or she was no longer a thought in his mind now that he and Lacey had actual quality time together for the holidays. If she thought her and Eric’s conflicting schedules were bad, she always had to remind herself that at least she didn’t have the same schedule as her best friends. Then again…they were also more established in their relationship than she and Eric. They had many years to get to the point they were in now.

Besides the point, Lizzie too wasn’t very concerned about hearing from Aiden after their talk. Regardless of when they would next talk, she knew they were going to one way or another by New Year. After all, she was excitedly going to be reunited with Lacey and Aiden in a couple weeks.

After sending a quick text to Eric that she made it back to the flat safely, Lizzie went straight into their room. With the heaviest sigh imaginable, she dropped her heavy work bag onto the bed and watched as the mattress visibly complained at the weight. Lizzie groaned in response, rubbing her tender shoulder as she walked over to the dresser to grab a change of clothes. She really wished she had been given fair warning the day before to bring her school backpack. At least then she wouldn’t have suffered carrying five extra manuscripts across once shoulder the entire train ride home. She thought they were going to get their holiday workload tomorrow!

She visibly avoided the rather intimidating workload still laying on her bed as made camp at her desk and waited for her laptop to turn on. Her earlier text to Eric still went unanswered, but she wasn’t too concerned over that. Eric was most likely busy at work now that Christmas was right around the corner and it was still too early for his first break – if he actually took his breaks on time. But that still didn’t stop her from opening WhatsApp while she waited for her laptop to load up and reread her message before leaving the messaging app altogether. When her laptop finally loaded up the login screen, she put her phone down on her desk then typed in her password. As soon as the desktop loaded up, she went straight to the internet to begin her search for a pool nearby.

One of the first things Lizzie realized after her talk with Aiden was how the community pool she was visiting was not going to satisfy her needs were she to get back into swimming. Sure, at the time when she first started visiting the community center, the pool did its part. She only had the desire to go swimming during the times it was open. Now, however, she realized rather quickly that to make swimming a part of her life again, she needed a pool that was going to be open later than six. Not to say that she was suddenly going to be having more frequent evening swims, but sometimes they did happen.

Much to Lizzie’s dismay, some of the closer gyms near the flat closed just as early as the community center and seemed to cater to gym goers that either went in the morning before school or work or those that didn’t have school or work and can go in the middle of the day. If she wanted to go to a gym that was open late, she would have to take the bus there and work around that schedule. But, honestly, it wasn’t like she hadn’t been doing that already. She just needed to better work around her own schedule to make it work. But that would come later. First she needed to find a gym that was the right fit.

She was roughly twenty minutes into deciding between two gyms when her phone suddenly went off. At first her mind immediately thought it was Eric finally returning her text. But the next second she was reminded that the ringtone that went off indicated that she had an actual text message come in. When she peeled her eyes away from the website of one of the gyms, she picked up her phone to find two types of messages waiting for her. Looks like Eric actually did respond recently. Ten minutes ago, to be exact. Oops. Without even looking at the iMessage notification above Eric’s, she quickly tapped on his notification to read and respond to his text. It was mostly to apologize that she just saw his message and hastily explain the reason why. Granted, when it comes to hasty messages between her and Eric, it was more so that her typing speed was much faster than his and she was able to send to him a tiny paragraph explaining just what she had been doing since she got home.

Once her message was sent, she exited WhatsApp to open iMessage. The new text was from Olivia in the flat group chat and for some reason, Lizzie was unable to read the entire message as soon as the text thread opened up. Her eyes zeroed in on one specific detail before immediately backtracking to finally read the full text for context.

As soon as she finished, her heart did more than just drop to her stomach. It dropped with a thud to the very dark pit of her stomach and threatened to make her sick.

Her sister was going to be staying in the flat tonight.

Diana Thompson was coming.

It had been a while since Lizzie last thought about Olivia’s little sister. With everything that has happened between her and Eric over the last couple months, it felt like an eternity ago since she was first introduced to her existence. Now, while reading the dreaded text on her phone, all those initial memories came flooding back to her and it left her feeling somewhat heavy. There was a tightness in her chest as she fought the urge to check Diana’s Instagram page for any kind of updates. Would she even make it obvious that she was coming to London today? The only reason she successfully talked herself out of insta-stalking Diana was the reminder that the last time she looked on her page, the most recent post was a Throwback Thursday photo of her and Eric together while it looked like they were out having dinner. Her hand tightened around her phone as she recalled staring near obsessively at the way Diana’s arm was wrapped around Eric’s and how she rested her head on his shoulder. If she checked Diana’s page now and saw a more recent Throwback post with her and Eric in it, she might just scream.

After a couple deep breaths, Lizzie closed iMessage and dropped her phone facedown on her desk. She didn’t even read the message Eric sent. She just didn’t want to look at her phone screen right now. Instead, she focused heavily on the current task at hand: find the right gym.

It wasn’t until after Eric’s lunch hour finished did she finally decide which gym to pick. Luckily for Lizzie, the gym she decided on allowed for online registration and – thankfully – allowed her to cancel her membership anytime. This was honestly the major plus that weighed on her decision. Well, that and the fact that this gym was one of the only gyms nearby that's open 24 hours. Not that she had intentions of getting up in the middle of the night for a workout, but it was nice never having to think about when the gym closed if she suddenly had the urge to swim. The one con was that it was a fair distance away. By bus, the travel time was approximately half an hour with good traffic. And while Eric insisted that he wouldn’t mind dropping her off and picking her up if need be, she really didn’t want to put that kind of responsibility on him; especially because he was always so swamped with back to back schedules. She made sure to reassure him once she decided on this gym that she had no problems taking the bus or paying for an Uber, if needed.

Once she received the email confirmation that her membership registration had been received, Lizzie was already anxious to check it out. After putting away the heavy workload she had avoided this entire time on her bed, she collected her wallet, keys, phone and her swim bag and left the flat quickly in her efforts to make it to the bus stop to catch the bus.

Lizzie knew that getting back into a routine swim was going to be difficult. She was months out of shape from her condition as a competitive athlete and only had a handful of visits under her belt since moving to London. To get back into shape just to attempt to swim at her average was going to take some work and motivation. She knew she could do it though. The first step was actually getting herself back in the pool with the purpose of getting her ass back into shape instead of swimming laps just to swim.

After a quick cardio workout to get her blood flowing and her muscles loose, Lizzie changed into her practice suit and carried her swim bag over to an empty bench across from Lane #4. It was still fairly early in the day so the gym was currently not congested. Only other gym patrons were women roughly middle aged and some older people on the treadmill. She was the only one at the pool which allowed her the opportunity to take as much time as she needed to prepare for what she already knew was going to be the hardest workout she would ever experience in her life.

Against her better judgment, Lizzie dug into the depths of her swim bag for her stopwatch. Why she decided to actually bring it when at the time she knew she quit swimming, she had no idea. But she was grateful regardless. After strapping the stopwatch tightly onto her wrist, Lizzie tested the water for a few seconds before jumping right in. The cold water jolted every nerve in her body, but it was a sensation she honestly kind of missed. And with the current thoughts flooding her brain, she welcomed the painful distraction. With a couple expert kicks, she popped her head back to the surface then grabbed for the edge of the pool. She tucked her body in, used one hand to start her stopwatch then with a deep breath pushed back off the edge a good distance into the pool.

Suffice it to say, Lizzie was both disappointed, but not surprised by the results of her first workout. First, she was only able to swim half the amount of laps she used to do competitively before her muscles protested from overexertion. Second, she finished those laps well beyond her average. As she pulled herself out of the pool and stared down at her time, she found herself imagining what her ex-coach would say. They weren’t mean words, of course. But she definitely knew that she had a lot of work to do if she even considered the possibility of swimming on par with her average times before she quit. There was no way she was even going to set her goals on getting back to her previous shape. Who was she trying to prove doing that? Other than herself, of course. The sole purpose of her getting back into swimming shape was to introduce it back into her life as…well…a hobby? No, that didn’t seem the right term. But then again, Lizzie was still trying to catch her breath so any attempt at figuring out the right term for this was lost to her.

All in all, Lizzie thought her first workout was a solid success as she logged her number of laps and times on the Notes app on her phone. She added a note to buy a notepad later to better log her progress. But for now, her phone would have to do.

Her successful first workout left Lizzie in a better mood than she was in earlier. After a quick shower at the gym, she took the bus back to the flat with the intention of getting straight to work on her readings. This was the kind of energy she missed. Sure, she got on fine before, but she never realized until after quitting swimming just how much it influenced the rest of her day. Even as she sat on the bus and tried to keep herself warm, she felt invincible; like she could conquer any task placed in front of her.

That motivation, however, immediately saw itself out as soon as she stepped foot inside the flat and registered an unfamiliar voice coming from the other side of the hallway. Instant dread rushed all the blood out of her.

Fuck, Diana was here.

If only the floors weren’t hardwood. Lizzie’s attempts at sneaking into her bedroom without being noticed were unsuccessful. Mostly because, much to her surprise, Olivia wasn’t even in the common room with her sister. As soon as she closed the front door, her flatmate popped her head out of her room to investigate the noise. “Oh, hey! I didn’t realize you weren’t even home. I thought you might have fallen asleep in your room or something, it was so quiet in there.” Olivia stepped out of her room now and turned toward the hallway. “You saw my text earlier, yes? My sister’s going to stay here tonight. Sorry, it’s a bit short notice. She was supposed to arrive tomorrow.”

At that point Lizzie wasn’t paying attention. Her eyes were fixated on her bedroom door as she drafted the right words to say to excuse herself without causing Olivia’s hidden meaning radar to go off. She couldn’t find the right words.

Fortunately, her unusual attire was enough to get Olivia off the topic of Diana. “What have you got there?” It occurred to Lizzie that Olivia most likely hasn’t seen her with her swim bag enough to recognize it.

Happy to welcome this change in topic, Lizzie briefly explained her morning after work: how she finally decided to get back into swimming regularly and found a gym to start. Olivia was, of course, aware of her previous swimming career so she appreciated not needing to further explain this decision. “Old habits die hard,” she commented with a small laugh.

This change of topic was enough to naturally excuse Lizzie from the prospect of being introduced to Diana. At least until she finished dropping her things back in her room and changing.

Now dressed in a pair of yoga pants, an oversized sweater and her hair up in a messy bun, Lizzie grabbed the manuscript she was currently reading and reluctantly left her bedroom to make her way into the common room.

It turns out that while Olivia was in her room earlier, Diana had been talking to Angel and Malcolm. They were still in the middle of whatever conversation they started earlier when she turned into the open double doors and watched everyone crowded around the kitchen island. She wondered if she should include herself in the group. After all, she knew how to do it. But the moment she caught sight of Diana, in the flesh, any and all of her natural social confidence vanished. What she wanted the most right now was to run back to her bedroom and stay in there until Eric came home. And maybe with her being the first line of defense, she can avoid the two reuniting after…only God knows how long. Because Lizzie surely didn’t know, nor did she bother to ask after all these months.

Even as Lizzie stood frozen at the double doors, she couldn’t help thinking about the fact that Diana Thompson was pretty. Her pictures on Instagram did not do her justice in person. Maybe it had to do with the air of confidence she exuded in the room; the way she held herself upright even sitting on a high stool in the kitchen. Her voice projected well and clearly and she rarely spoke with filler words in between. If Lizzie remembered correctly, Diana was studying performing arts herself.

Were she any other person, Lizzie could have a more positive opinion about Diana. In fact, she thought they could be fast friends. But, as it were, that was not going to be the case. Would that ever change? Lizzie had no idea. All that mattered to her right now was the fact that once upon a time, she worried that this very person in front of her had Eric’s heart all to herself. And now, to this very day, Lizzie still did not know if there was even a time that very fact was true.

Because even if Eric and Diana’s past was still unclear to Lizzie, what she knew for a damn fact was that Diana most definitely had –or still has– feelings for her boyfriend.

Everything about that fact immediately shot up all her red flags and insecurities. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t go through any of that all over again. Especially not with Eric.

If she was going to do that, she had only one important task to achieve: prove to Diana Thompson that no matter what she felt or what she had with Eric, he was hers now and there was nothing on this Earth that was ever going to change that.

That new determination was what helped Lizzie survive introductions with Diana and the subsequent “getting to know you” conversations up until the Thompson sisters left to go pick up Eric from work. Apparently that was some plan they hatched while she was at the gym. And while Olivia was kind enough to offer the invitation for Lizzie to come along – because surely Eric was going to be happy to see Lizzie regardless of where they were – she thought she caught a strange look from Diana just before she forced out the words to “politely” turn down the invitation. After all, “You guys should all spend some quality time together while you’re all in the same city!” A split second later and with a tiny hint of acid in her words, Lizzie quickly added, “We both know if I’m there Eric might not focus too much on that quality time.” Ooh if only Diana hadn’t already walked away from the double doors when she said that. She wished she saw her face.

“Oh my,” Angel said from his spot at the kitchen island. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Lizzie so chilly before. She’s usually our American ray of sunshine in this cold flat.” Lizzie turned to look over at her two male flatmates from her spot on the couch. Angel was looking right at her over the top of his mug while Malcolm was busy organizing ingredients.

“It’s a good thing you weren’t here earlier,” Angel continued. “When I got home, I overheard Diana suggesting to Olivia that Eri go home with them for the holidays.” He paused, very obviously for dramatic effect. And maybe also to scope how Lizzie was taking this news. When she neither responded physically or verbally – at least from what he could see from the kitchen – he continued. “Olivia turned it down for Eri, of course. Not that she needed to. We all know that man would never leave you alone for Christmas.” Lizzie still didn’t say anything. Mostly because at that point she stopped listening to Angel; too focused on the fact that the Thompson sisters talked very briefly about inviting Eric to celebrate Christmas with them.

By then Malcolm was correcting some kind of detail in Angel’s story, but Lizzie was still not paying attention to the two as she weighed exactly what that could mean for Eric to spend time with people he cared about for the holidays. Obviously she was someone he cared about. In fact, they had already started talks about what they were going to do for Christmas Eve and Day since they were going to have the flat all to themselves next week. But despite her own feelings for Diana right now, she was distracted by whether or not it would be good for Eric to spend time with the closest thing to family he has left. It definitely did her a lot of good when her family came to visit her for Thanksgiving.

Lizzie was still pondering over this thought after the boys left her alone in the common room. It occasionally distracted her when she attempted to refocus her mind on her current task, but every so often she would find herself reading the same paragraph multiple times without having retained any information from it. All the while imagining what a Thompson family Christmas would look like with Eric included.

She made little to no progress on her reading by the time Eric, Olivia and Diana returned to the flat. She hadn’t even noticed that they were gone for far longer than she anticipated. Not that she let herself spend too much time on that as Eric walked through the double doors and made a beeline right to her.

Whatever thoughts she had earlier disappeared the moment he flashed his cheeky little side smirk and practically dropped nearly all his weight on top of her in their attempt at their own reunion. However, something compelled Lizzie to do more than just warmly welcome him home like she normally did from this very spot on the couch. Of course she knew what that compelling force was, even if she was currently not in the same room as them right now.

As Eric pulled away to say something else, Lizzie completely blanked out any of it to once more lean into him to continue their reunion. The only thing she recalled hearing from his mouth was the audible enjoyment he felt over this rather public display of affection. And to think, just the other day they were dying of embarrassment because Olivia walked in on them. Suffice it to say, Lizzie’s earlier determination returned.

At least until they were once again joined by the rest of the flat. Lizzie let out a rather heavy sigh as Eric pulled away from her to sit beside her on the couch. She tried very hard to calm the impending annoyance she was feeling just hearing Diana’s voice from down the hall. It only got more difficult once she actually paid attention to what Diana was saying.

Were it anyone else, Lizzie would have enjoyed these Eric stories. She would have even asked for more. But since these stories were being told through Diana, all Lizzie could think about was how much she wished she would shut up. She got it. They grew up together and had plenty of fond memories to look back on. But did she have to tell these stories as if they were her most precious memories of her entire life?

Lizzie let out yet another heavy sigh as soon as she heard the front door close. Unfortunately, she overlooked the fact that she wasn’t alone. In her internal frustration watching the Thompson sisters take Eric away from her, she completely ignored the fact that Malcolm hadn’t left the common room. Instead, he was back in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes he used earlier. So he definitely heard her sigh and he was quick to ask what was wrong.

Lizzie, however, was not quick to share exactly what it was that was bothering her all night. Why? Because she didn’t want it known that Diana’s very presence in this flat was causing her discomfort and grief. She didn’t want anyone in the flat knowing that her insecurities over her own relationship were at an all time high when she knew they shouldn’t be. Everyone in the flat knew Eric was madly in love with her. Lizzie had no doubts or reservations whatsoever that Eric’s feelings would ever stray away from her. And yet, here she was wishing that Diana Thompson had never and would never step foot in this flat ever again while she was still living here.

In the end, Lizzie blamed work. It wasn’t a total lie. It was just that it wasn’t the case right now. But Malcolm didn’t need to know that. All he needed to care about was the extra workload currently stacked high in her bedroom and the dread she was feeling having to get through all of it in the next week and a half. Yeah, he definitely did not need to know about her ill feelings for Diana. After all, she was only here for one night. She just needed to survive tonight and she would never have to worry about any of this ever again. She would have Eric all to herself soon enough. She just…had to survive tonight.

Forty-five minutes. That was how long Lizzie lasted before the loneliness took over and once more plagued her with all her earlier thoughts. She could no longer try to force herself to focus on reading as an attempt at a distraction. Her mind was gone. It was back on how annoyed she was at Diana Thompson’s sudden, last minute presence in the flat. Annoyed that every insecurity she had about Diana before she and Eric got together took prevalence and caused her to actually doubt every certainty she worked hard to make solid. And she once more juggled with images of Eric with the Thompsons helping with Christmas pudding and opening presents on Christmas Day…without her.

She hadn’t felt this kind of suffocating heaviness in the flat since she accidentally triggered Eric during their attempt at making love. But it was doing quite a number on her and she needed to get out of the flat before it drove her insane. The remedy came just as soon as she decided she needed to leave the flat.

As she swung her swim bag back over her shoulder, Lizzie walked over to the boys’ room and knocked. It was Malcolm that answered. She explained to him her plans to go to the gym to swim for a bit. He was quick to point out that she had just been to the gym to swim earlier. Surely she needed to give her muscles a break. But Lizzie was quick to reassure him that she was fine. She was used to being in the pool multiple times a day; at least while she was still training. Malcolm didn’t need to know that though. Other parts of her athletic abilities still remained after all.

When asked why she wanted to go out to the gym this late, Lizzie simply shrugged her shoulders and answered that she was starting to feel a little pressured about work. Which, again, wasn’t a total lie. It just didn’t apply to this current situation. Regardless of the truth or not, Malcolm seemed to accept this reason. But he wasn’t done asking questions.

“How are you going to get to the gym?” he asked curiously. Lizzie answered that she was going to take the bus.

“Take the bus this late?” Angel suddenly chimed in from behind Malcolm and the door. Seconds later, Lizzie heard shuffling and then the other male appeared standing behind his roommate. “Outside the very obvious fact that it is too late in the evening for you to be taking public transportation alone, your boyfriend would not like that at all.”

Even Lizzie had to admit Angel had a point. Eric had offered to drive her to and from the gym if she ever wanted it. But Eric was not here and she still really needed to get out of this house.

But when Lizzie offered the suggestion that she take an Uber then if the bus was not an option, Malcolm took his turn to object and immediately offered to drop her off. Naturally, a back and forth between flatmates ensued for a couple minutes. Lizzie didn’t want to impose on their evening. Malcolm insisted. Back and forth until finally it was Lizzie that caved and admitted defeat. At least she would be at the gym at half the time it would have taken her were she to take the bus.

Unlike her first visit earlier that day, Lizzie took it a bit easier in the pool. She swam her laps slowly, focusing mostly on her breathing and powering through her burning muscles with each stroke and kick. Her concentration was also partially forced. She was not the only person in the pool this time. Two other people were also in the pool, but one or two lanes away from hers. Every so often their uneven strokes would distract her rhythm and she would need to adjust. All of these elements prevented her from focusing on anything other than what was presently happening outside of this pool. No Diana insecurities. No “what if” scenarios. No text notifications from her phone currently deep in her swim bag.

She did at least have the foresight to put on her stopwatch to keep track of time since she told Malcolm she would be done in a couple hours. When she saw that it was near time for him to pick her up, she did her final kick off and swam all the way back to where she left her bag. When she pulled herself out of the pool, one of the first things she did after drying herself off was pull out her phone. Sure enough, she saw a text notification with Malcolm’s name waiting for her on her lockscreen. However, what she didn’t expect was the text to read that it was Eric that would be picking her up.

Her face fell. Dread once more came over her on top of the physical exhaustion her body felt. Shit. She was hoping to make it home before Eric and the Thompson sisters got home from dinner.

If Eric was on his way to get her now, she definitely did not have time to wash herself off. She would need to make do with the little time she had to ensure she didn’t freeze to death on the way back to the flat.

In the women’s locker room, Lizzie towel dried herself as best she could. She decided to keep her swimsuit on until she got home to shower. She would just wear her sweats and oversized hoodie on top for now. Once she deemed her swimsuit dry enough, she wrapped her long hair in the towel to keep it from dripping on her clothes as she changed into them. For the remaining time she estimated she had left, she did all she could to wring as much of the pool water out of her hair as possible.

Lizzie reluctantly walked out of the gym with her hair once again in a messy bun and hiding under the hood of her hoodie. She had her hands deep inside the front pocket of her hoodie and her swim bag hung lazily across her shoulder. As soon as she pushed the exit door out, Eric’s car was the first thing she saw. She let out another heavy sigh, this one very visible thanks to the winter cold.

“You didn’t have to wait outside your car,” was the first thing Lizzie said when she was in earshot, “It’s cold. I would have seen you.” She then took a side step around Eric to head to the passenger side.

The short car ride back to the flat was quiet, and a little tense. Lizzie mostly kept her head down the entire drive. And when she wasn’t staring at the two bulges in her front pocket, she was looking out her side window at the dark buildings they passed. She partially suspected he was making glances her way, but she didn’t have enough courage to inspect and confirm. A couple times she thought she heard him clear his throat as if ready to say something, but when he didn’t she let it go to focus on the passing street lights.

It wasn’t until Eric expertly parallel parked between Olivia and Malcolm’s cars did he finally ask. He wanted to know if something was wrong. They sat in silence once again as Lizzie continued to avoid looking at him. This time she focused on the strap of her swim bag currently sitting directly on top of her feet. All the while she was weighing the best response to give him.

Surely the best option was the truth. If there was anyone that she could tell the truth to and not feel foolish about it, Eric was the best candidate. How many times had she extended to him that very luxury? She could obviously trust him to be the same. Except, what was wrong with her involved someone that was important to him. Would that weigh differently on him because this was mostly about Diana?

Lizzie bit down on her lower lip. She was growing nervous. If she thought being in the flat with all these feelings was bad, being alone with Eric in his car with these very same feelings is worse.

“I’m fine,” she inevitably forced out of her mouth. “I’m just…kinda stressed about work, is all. I wanted to go swimming to clear my head.” She wasn’t lying…it just didn’t apply to this very moment.

Eric was quick to point out that it was too late to make that kind of decision, especially without letting him know. She hung her head again while muttering an apology. “I didn’t want to interrupt your dinner. Besides, I wouldn’t have been able to reach you.” That only earned her a reminder that she could have told Olivia and she just didn’t have the emotional energy to repeat her earlier excuse that she didn’t want to interrupt dinner.

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do it again,” she said softly. “Can we please go inside? I’m still pretty wet from the pool and it’s so cold.” That seemed enough for Eric to drop whatever talk he was ready to have with her. After taking her swim bag to carry inside, Lizzie led the way into the flat, never once turning back to look at him nor to say something to him.

As soon as they were inside Lizzie said that she was going to take a shower and rushed across the hall to the bathroom without another word. Just as she closed the door, however, she could have sworn she heard Diana call out to Eric, but for what she didn’t know. She loudly closed the door to muffle it all out.

It would become evident to Lizzie that hearing Diana’s voice calling out to Eric was the least of her problems. She soon realized she had put herself in quite a predicament.

“Shit…” she muttered, her eyes traveling from the pile of clothes she wore from the gym and the empty towel rack. In her haste, she forgot to make a detour to her room to grab her towel. Even worse, because Eric carried her swim bag earlier, she didn’t even have a clean change of clothes. All of this realized after she finished taking her escape/after workout shower. What was she going to do now?

If she was going to make a decision, she needed to make one fast. The warm steam from her hot shower was slowly losing its battle and the bathroom was becoming gradually colder the longer she stood in the shower. Adding that to her still dripping naked body, she was freezing, but she couldn’t just stand in the shower until she dried off. She would be waiting forever thanks to her dripping long hair. As she considered her options, Lizzie climbed out of the shower walked carefully over to her pile of clothes from the gym. She immediately picked up the oversized hoodie and pressed it against her front for any semblance of warmth against her skin. For a moment she considered putting on the hoodie and rushing to her bedroom. But the thought of even leaving the bathroom while still dripping wet was worse than the image of her running down the hall in just her hoodie. She knew then that she needed to deal with the wet body factor first before anything else.

Which honestly left her no choice.

Slowly and as quietly as possible, Lizzie turned the knob of the bathroom door and opened it a crack. Immediately the cold air from outside the bathroom came rushing in and she was regretting this decision. But unfortunately it had to be done. She strained her hearing to focus on any sounds coming from outside. It didn’t take long for her to pick up the same voices from before, still in the same area they were when she went inside. Pulling the door a tiny bit further, she saw that her bedroom door was now open which meant that Eric was either back in their room…or still hanging out with the Thompson sisters in the common room.

Regardless of the answer, one way or another, Diana was going to witness the mess Lizzie put herself in. She was really going to regret this.

“Eric!” she called out loudly through the open crack in the bathroom door. She didn’t even wait to see if and when he would answer her call. After she called out his name, she closed the door again and waited with bated breath.

Seconds later, she heard a knock on the bathroom door and Eric’s voice calling her name. There was no turning back now. Pressing her hoodie tightly against her front, Lizzie opened the door wide enough to stick her head out. She kept the rest of her body as hidden behind the door as possible, but there was hiding the way Eric took in her still damp hair and bare shoulders.

“I forgot my towel in the room,” she explained in a low voice. “And some extra clothes. Could you get them please?”

When he walked away to their room, Lizzie once more closed the door to continue to wait. This was all so embarrassing. If only she didn’t run off to the bathroom in her attempt to get away from the tension between her and Eric. If only she had insisted on carrying her own bag into the flat. All of this could have been avoided. Eric could still hang out with his friends uninterrupted by her stupidity and she could continue to hide away in their room until he decided to join her, in which time it would be time for bed. But no. She had to act irrationally and rush to the bathroom in an effort to escape all the ill feelings she’s harbored the entire day with nothing but the clothes on her back and the double soaked swimsuit practically glued to her body. As a result, she had to interrupt her boyfriend’s time with his childhood friends and the one that obviously still has feelings for him was aware of it.

Eric’s knocking cut through her thoughts just in time. By then though, she had left her spot leaning against the bathroom door to sit on the edge of the shower. Her hoodie had absorbed nearly all of the water and was now pretty damp. At this point, Lizzie was freezing and it was clear Eric could see it as he looked at her visibly shivering. The only part of her body that remained wet was her back thanks to her still dripping wet hair.

“Thanks…” Lizzie muttered as she took the towel and clean clothes from Eric. “Sorry about this…. You can go back to hanging out with the girls if you want….” She avoided his gaze as she pulled her hoodie off her body and dropped it at her feet. As she finally towel dried herself, she was very aware that Eric hadn’t moved since and was still quietly watching her. But her face was so flushed from her overall embarrassment of how today has gone that she couldn’t brave looking back up at him. She couldn’t even say anything to him either. So they just stood there in complete silence as Lizzie wrapped her hair up in her towel to get it out of her face while she finished dressing. It didn’t even matter to her to look at the clothes Eric brought her. She just wanted so desperately to get out of this bathroom at last and return to the comfort and safety of her bedroom. Probably to remain there until tomorrow morning. At least having to leave at seven meant she could avoid seeing just about everyone else in the flat.

Lizzie was on a mission as she carried her wet clothes down the hall to the laundry room. Avoid eye contact with everyone else in the flat at all cost and zone out as much of the noise as possible.

She was both surprised and not surprised to find that Eric had been following her the entire time since they left the bathroom together. Did she expect him to do as she asked and go back to hanging out with the Thompson sisters? Not exactly. They have been dating long enough for her to know that she was mostly just wishful thinking. But still, she hoped.

Especially when it became clear that he had picked up on Lizzie’s off vibe. As soon as he closed their bedroom door, he once again asked if there was anything wrong. Lizzie set up camp in front of the small vanity mirror on top of the drawer to comb out the tangles in her hair. Up until then she still hadn’t looked at Eric. But as he spoke and took a seat on the edge of their bed, she knew now that this moment was inevitable.

With a deep, heavy sigh, Lizzie finished combing out the last tangle through her hair then put the brush down. Then she finally turned to look at Eric, fighting every flight response screaming throughout her body to look away from the sad concern on his face. Is this what he has to deal with every time she worries about him?

Would he even believe her if she tried to play it all off that everything was fine? Could she still put the blame on work? Especially now that he could see the pile of manuscripts on the desk. Or did Eric know better now? Did he see enough between the car ride from the gym and her behavior in the bathroom?

At this point, Lizzie just had to admit defeat. As painfully embarrassing as this was going to be for her, she had to tell Eric the truth.

She didn’t say anything for a long time, but Eric also didn’t push her for a response. He just kept watching her. He didn’t even protest over her choice to sit on the chair at her desk instead of beside him on the bed. All the while Lizzie switched between looking at him and finding some inanimate object to focus on.

Finally, after carefully thinking her words thoroughly, Lizzie took a shaky breath. She didn’t dare look up at Eric again. She was already so embarrassed to even admit this out loud.

“I don’t like Diana being here,” she said in a quiet voice.

They sat in silence for what felt like forever, but Lizzie was still too afraid to look at anything other than her hands on her lap. She didn’t want to see Eric’s reaction to her confession.

Eons later, Eric asked slowly for her to elaborate.

Lizzie was picking at her nails now. “She makes me feel…uneasy,” she continued. “Don’t get me wrong, okay? She seems nice. She was pretty friendly when we introduced each other. But…” She trailed off. She felt like she was going to be sick. “I’ve just…never trusted her?”

Lizzie knew she was reaching a point that she could not keep all the details from Eric. But she didn’t want to tell him that the extent of her mistrust of his childhood friend started way before they were even together. Long before Diana was even mentioned out loud to her.

But how was she supposed to explain to Eric, who was very obviously confused by all this new information, all of these feelings without making herself come off as an idiot? Even as she mulled over the words she should say next, they all sounded so stupid. She was being stupid; having all of these unnecessary feelings for someone that very obviously posed as no threat to her and her relationship.

And yet, she could still hear the way Diana called out Eric’s name earlier and it played like a broken record. Until now, it still made her blood boil.

“The whole day, every time we’re in the same room I keep getting this uneasy feeling in my stomach that…I don’t know…feels, like, familiar. I can’t figure out why. Obviously I don’t wanna, like, come off as some snobby girlfriend of her friend. But I just, like, can’t seem to stand her. And this feeling only gets worse when you’re also in the room.” She looked up at him briefly, wondering if this was something he picked up earlier before they all left for dinner.

“I think,” she continued after another pause, “the sudden announcement of her arrival is one of the reasons I’ve been in a mood all day. ‘Cause, like, I’ve kind of reached this point in, well, our relationship where I’ve decided I never wanted to meet her.” At this point, Eric finally spoke, asking her why she felt this way. This is when she knew she had officially reached past the point of no return. It was either tell him the whole truth, or recognize that this was just going to be a situation similar to what she dealt with before with him and his past. It was the fear that it would cause more damage keeping it a secret than telling him the truth that propelled her forward.

“I’ve known about Diana for a while now. Since, like, September actually. I, um, actually thought at the time that she was your girlfriend.” Lizzie elaborated that this all started when they started following each other on Instagram; how she fell deep in the rabbit hole until she reached Diana’s page. By this point Lizzie’s chin was pressed against her chest. She felt ashamed revealing this to him. But he had to know. This was the extent of her feelings for Diana.

“You know she likes you, right?” she said suddenly, twisting the hem of her sweater in her hands. “And I don’t wanna, like, assume anything happened between you two or anything, but try as she might to hide it, I’ve seen her look at you the exact same way I look at you.” She leaned forward, burying her face in her hands. God, she was so embarrassed now.

“You know,” Lizzie said through her hands. Slowly, she dropped her hands back down onto her lap and sat back up to rest against the back of her chair. “I think I’ve kinda figured out why I’m so uneasy around her.” She paused, tilting her head back so that she was now staring blankly at the ceiling. “She reminds me of Joey’s girlfriend; the way she acted around him before…all that shit happened. And the fact that her surprise visit just so happened to fall on the same day I decided to get back into swimming…” She closed her eyes. She felt so sick again by all these bottled up feelings she has kept hidden nearly all day. ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122218-----------❖ LOCATION — their bed-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

There had been no “Hi babe” or “I missed you” kisses when Lizzie met him at the car. In fact she didn’t greet him at all, and her behavior sent Eric’s anxiety skyrocketing through the roof of his car for the duration of the drive back home. Even after he finally braved asking her what was wrong her next actions did little to console him. She had said it was work related, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze and in fact she practically brushed past him to walk into the flat leaving Eric to watch as her tiny back grew smaller and smaller the further down the hall she went.

What had he done wrong this time? It had to have been his fault, why else would she have been so standoffish with him after they had been separated for several hours? He had been expecting her to run into his arms and tell him all about her experience at the pool, or to ask about his dinner with Olivia and Diana. Honestly anything other than what had ended up taking place.

The girls were still awake in the common room when he finally reached it but Eric hesitated to actually enter. He was paused in the doorway with his eyes still locked on the closed bathroom door at the end of the hall with Lizzie occupying every single thought that ran through his head.

”Eric?” He managed to pull his gaze away to meet Olivia’s inquisitive one. He knew that look well. He knew that she knew that something was bothering him. But she wouldn’t pressure him to talk in front of other people—like Diana. And speaking of her, it was her turn to speak now as she asked where Lizzie was, jokingly sharing that she would have expected to see them joined at the hip when he walked in. Diana accepted the brief explanation that Lizzie had hopped straight into the shower, but Eric could feel Olivia’s lie detectors at work as she tried to pinpoint just what felt off to her.

He was seated on the longer couch that gave him an obstructed view of the open double doors so that he would see when Lizzie would eventually cross by to go to their room. Eric was practically on the edge of his seat in anticipation, his nerves shining through in the way his hands held one another and the tight flips his stomach was making. It didn’t take long before his anxiety spread from nervous nausea to an all too familiar feeling that had become such a prominent part of his insecurities: he didn’t feel safe. He felt vulnerable sitting out in the open like this and not even the presence of his childhood friends could soothe him now. This was a phenomenon in which the cause and cure were one in the same: he needed Lizzie, even though it was because of her that he felt like this in the first place. Eric couldn’t exactly just barge into the bathroom to be near her though, nor was he desperate enough for those measures. But he could escape to the next best thing: their room.

But even once he was safely away in their sanctuary the unsettled feeling remained. It was at a decimal that Eric was unable to ignore but also could do very little to remedy on his own—”Eric!”

Lizzie’s voice single-handedly disrupted and scrambled every anxious thought that had been leeching onto his mind and replaced his overthinking with a clear goal. He had to go to her. But once in the bathroom with her not even the hot steam could warm the cold he felt between them. She still wouldn’t look at him, leaving Eric to juggle his conflicting feelings all by himself.

On the one hand he was concerned. For her—for him—for them. Something had clearly come between them without him even realizing it and not knowing what it was was driving him crazy. It almost felt like this was a punishment for something he didn’t even know he had done. But maybe it truly wasn’t him? After all she had called him over to help her, if she was truly mad at him then she likely wouldn’t have let him into the bathroom with her while she was in this state.

In this teasingly, distracting, high inducing, heart racing, heavenly perfect state that was Lizzie stark naked with her still wet hair dripping down her skin. The entire room smelled of her shampoo, the very scent that hugged his senses to sleep every night and left him longing for her when it was the only thing left of her in their bed.

It was so confusing to go from being wracked with anxiety to feeling sudden tranquility being in his angel’s presence—and to be blunt: the deep attraction he had for her when not two minutes ago he was convinced she was angry with him. At this point Eric didn’t know what to feel, but she had allowed him into her space and so that’s where he intended to stay as he loyally followed her back to their room.

But Lizzie still would not look at him and his earlier anxieties were beginning to creep back in. Usually when he felt like this he could reach out and feel her beneath his hand and the contact would be enough to ground him until his thoughts stopped racing. As it was though there was no eye contact, no physical contact, there was zero contact and it left Eric almost painfully craving her touch. With the exception of their earlier kiss when he had first come home from work, Lizzie had basically been ignoring him all evening and it was driving him crazy. Their routine was broken; something was clearly wrong but Eric didn't know what it was or how to fix it.

He took a cautious half step towards her with words on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them back and retreated instead to sit upon the bed. As impatient as he could be, Eric was also just as persistent, and he would get to the bottom of this one way or another. Even if it meant sitting in absolute silence just waiting for her to fold. His hands resumed holding one another, his grip tightening as he inhaled and holding the pressure as he bravely tried once again to ask what was wrong.

Eric held his breath in the silence between them. There was just far too much going on for him to continue functioning normally until he got to the bottom of this. Was Lizzie okay? Was it truly just work? Was it him? Had something happened to her? Had he done something—or not done something? Was she hurting? Would—

It was safe to say that Diana’s name falling out of her mouth in this context was the absolute last thing he had expected. Was he hearing her correctly? Lizzie—his perfect, stunning, amazing, gorgeous, beautiful girlfriend Lizzie was insecure over Diana Thompson? Really? Diana!?

Somewhere in the midst of all of Lizzie’s explaining, Eric couldn’t stop the tiny sigh of relief that escaped him. He was careful not to let more emotion slip into his expression so as to not undermine Lizzie’s current feelings. But the relief had been short lived and the longer she avoided his gaze the worse he felt. What was he supposed to say to make her feel better?

It wasn’t that Eric had been afraid of approaching her earlier, but he had certainly been hesitant to overstep when he had thought she was mad at him. But now that the air between them had been cleared he didn’t want to leave space for anything else. His Lizzie sounded so sad and defeated and far away; this was the first time he had seen her experiencing such personal emotions when they were not due to any fault of his and it hurt.

Thankfully being as tall as he was, once Eric was on his feet it only took a couple steps until he stood directly in front of the chair Lizzie had been sitting in. It also meant that he now completely towered over her petite form, and his hands dwarfed her cheeks as they framed her face, bringing his own down until their foreheads met. His own eyes shut being so close to her, his thumb slowly caressing her skin before traveling lower to rest around her shoulders, ”She could never look at me the way you do. Because I’ve seen how you look at me…and no one else has ever loved me like that before…”
His words were whispered against her lips, speaking a truth that between them only he truly knew. After all, Lizzie could not see herself. But he saw her everyday, and every second she was in the room his eyes were always locked on her. He was the one to see her eyes light up when she saw him or grow heavy with want when the mood struck. He could see the sparkles of adoration and as Lizzie would say “literal heart eyes”. He was the one to witness all of this, not her, and so being on the receiving end of it all it was easy for him to differentiate how she looked at him from how she claimed Diana did.

And that…was likely the first time he had admitted out loud truly knowing that she loved him—that he could feel her love beyond just hearing her say it everyday. Eric’s hands couldn’t stay still now that he finally had her in his grasp, running slowly and lovingly across her shoulders, up her neck, along her jaw, nothing was left untouched but he had yet to move back enough for them to see one another. His forehead was still pressed to hers, by now his nose had settled in beside hers, but his lips were wracked with confliction: wanting so badly to kiss away her pain but not knowing if that was the right move to make or if more still needed to be said—oh fuck it.

Eric gave in, gently pressing his lips against hers while his thumb caressed her cheek again just under her eye as though wiping away invisible tears. He had craved her for so long now that the relief was immediate and he prayed it felt just as good to her as it did to him. When Eric pulled back to speak again he also straightened up just enough to be able to open his eyes and see her entirety in his field of vision, ”I thought I had done something to upset you…”

It wouldn’t be right to explicitly say that he was glad that this was what was bothering her, and so he wouldn’t verbally admit to that. But deep in the back of his overactive mind he was very relieved that what was wrong was a non-issue. That’s not to say that Eric didn’t understand or respect what she was feeling. But just that there wasn’t any wrong doing on either of their parts. No one made a mistake that needed to be fixed and apologized for. There was no real misunderstanding other than past Lizzie’s speculations. There was no real clarification or needing to fight to explain one anothers sides. All Eric had to do was reassure her of the truth, which was that Diana had no place in his life in the capacity that Lizzie was referring to.

She was feeling very similarly to how he had when Eddie was introduced to him, and while he wasn’t exactly over his own insecurities, he could recognize that that’s all this was for Lizzie now. This wasn’t her throwing accusations, or feeling betrayed by him. This was a case of the same terrible ‘what ifs’ that forever plagued his mind.

“I’m sorry, love,” Despite there being no need for apologies, Eric still felt he owed her one. His eyes were dancing now, hoping to finally make contact with hers for the first time since picking her up from the pool, ”Nothing has ever happened with—she’s just as much my little sister as she is Olivia’s.”

He was sort of at a loss what more to tell her that wouldn’t undermine everything she was feeling. Diana was only here for the night, she didn’t even live close by so there was zero worry of her becoming a part of their lives. But Lizzie knew this already, she had voiced these facts herself.

”I love you?” It was subtle, but the questioning intonation was definitely there. Almost as though he were asking if his love was strong enough to make everything better. Her last speculation had been in regards to her ex’s girlfriend, the ex that had cheated on her. But it took two to cheat and regardless of how Diana might make her feel, Eric wanted absolutely no part in that. Everything he wanted was already sitting before him at this very moment, and surely Lizzie knew that…right?

It was neither a quick nor simple fix that finally allowed the couple to resume their normal habits. The two did not leave their room for the remainder of the night— not together at least. If either of them needed anything then Eric was the one to make the journey, such as bringing food for Lizzie once her post-swim appetite finally found its way through all her nerves. He was patient with her even though his own feelings just wanted to rush blindly into her and smother her with his love. That was what would have made him feel better, that was what he had been so desperate for all day. That was how they often fixed things, but that was because they were often fixing him. Lizzie being the one hurting was a fairly new experience and Eric couldn’t help but tread lightly through it all. He was so extra attentive to her for the rest of the night, taking every inch of normalcy she gave him until there finally came a defining moment when he knew she had to be feeling better.

It had all started when he felt Lizzie’s hands on him under the covers; sweet and gentle but still assertive and needy. Finally. From there it wasn’t long before everything escalated as they usually did when he and Lizzie were left alone for too long.
“I love you.”
That had been the last fully coherent sentence out of Eric for a while. Most everything after was just sounds; moans and Lizzie's name all jumbled together. Amidst all their movement and heat came moments where time stood still and Eric was able to focus on her with his everything rather than the rush of feelings that he’d been being consensually assaulted with.

His curtain of hair fell around them when he kissed her, creating an extra layer to their already bubble romance. Eric’s eyes were closed, his body flush with hers and his mind for once empty of worries. He was at peace here with her and she must have felt similarly as they stayed like that for a good minute before Lizzie seemed to pull back slightly. Maybe she wanted to say something? Or maybe she just needed air, but either way Eric ever so gently bit down on her bottom lip, preventing her from moving before replacing his teeth with his lips and increasing the strength of his kiss.

The force was pressing her down into the pillows, Eric’s tongue busily intertwining with hers while the rest of his body shifted till he was properly over her at which point his hand slowly retreated out from under her shirt where it had been keeping warm against her skin. When Eric at last broke away it was only to nestle into his favorite spot in her neck while Lizzie caught her breath. Traveling a little higher up he whispered her name behind her ear while his hands clutched at her clothes, clenching and releasing indecisively before finally grabbing her body while he pushed himself upright. It really wasn’t difficult to adjust her where he wanted her, for one she weighed next to nothing, but she had melted into putty in his hands and was more than willing to let him move her.

Up until now his mouth had never lost contact with Lizzie, but physics was against him as he sat up to look down at her sprawled amongst the pillows and their poor blanket shoved out of the way. When he had grabbed clothes for her after her shower he hadn’t put any thought into piecing together an outfit, Eric had just grabbed the small pile on the bed which he had assumed were Lizzie’s pajamas. It turned out to be his shirt, which was a small dress on her in comparison, and a pair of shorts that were definitely not seasonally appropriate but they had already dealt with the temperature in their room by now.

As his hands trailed over her body it accentuated just how tiny she was beneath his shirt. He was well past her hips by the time he ran out of shirt and took to squeezing down her legs until he was pushing them apart just enough for him to fit between as he sank down to her level. He turned his head to kiss the inside of her thigh, first the left, and then the right slightly higher up. Eric was so close against her skin that he could feel his breath bouncing back in his face, and then she shifted slightly as though trying to get closer and he found his lips making contact with her thigh again from her movement. This time he sucked at the more sensitive skin while his hands roamed all over her bare legs wanting to cover every inch of her while he had her here before moving on. His hands ran on ahead of him, sliding along her as they reached up into the leg holes of her shorts to slowly caress her skin, he felt her tense briefly at the sensation as though it tickled before ultimately relaxing into his touch. It was the warm dampness of her underwear that sent his eyes up to find hers and hold her gaze—knowing now that he wasn’t alone in how much he had been craving her. Because as much as he had been enjoying their time thus far, it was still torturously PG-16. His hands didn’t stay there long, and when he removed them they simply crept over the fabric of her shorts till they reached her waistband where they tugged the elastic down, bringing her underwear along for the ride. Lizzie helped by adjusting her positioning just enough for him to slip her bottoms off and drop them to the floor.

The oversized fit of his t-shirt on her tiny frame caused it to cascade over her lap, just barely hiding her away as though they hadn’t just removed a layer of clothes. Settling back down to lay between her legs, this time when his hands ran over her the lower hem of the tshirt moved with them and he pushed it up out of the way to expose her now completely bare lower half. Eric didn’t meet her gaze now, but it wasn’t that he wouldn’t and was more like he couldn’t. He was far too entranced with the rest of her for his eyes to travel that far up.

He was slow and gentle to start, brushing just his thumb over her for several passes before adding more fingers to the bundle of nerves all while leaning in closer and closer…and closer. Eric eased her into it, mouthing the insides of her thighs again while his hand kept her occupied, the other hand wrapped around her leg—not that he needed to hold her down by any means, Lizzie wasn’t showing any signs of wanting to get away. He was watching her by the time he could taste her on his tongue, his usual bright eyes now dilated to be almost black.

Eric didn’t let up until her legs were shaking around him and she moaned his name in a desperate plea. To stop? For more? Both? He left his fingers touching to her core while he moved up to cover her body with his while he crashed his lips to hers to kiss her quiet. The combined sweetness of her pleasure and love brought about a high that didn’t compare to anything Eric had experienced before and they were still only warming up.

Considering the emotional trigger that led to this combined with how many hours they had been apart, they wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon. Especially taking into account that tomorrow would play out rather similarly in that they would be separated damn near the whole day until it was time for Eric to pick her up. So there was more than enough incentive to stay up together because the dead of night was their time. No one else was here with them, just Eric, and Lizzie. It was just the two of them.

"It's just me— hey love, are you ready to go?”
Eric couldn’t help but smile when Lizzie had jumped. He didn’t mean to have startled her, especially not while she was so clearly wasted off her office party, but her reaction had just been so cute like everything she did.

Her attention had been on her phone screen and so it was only natural that touching her shoulder would catch her off guard. But once realizing that it was Eric she of course had snuggled into his chest where she would end up staying for most of the rest of the night making it rather difficult for Eric to do much of anything. She was attached to him while they walked, while he drove, while he helped her wash up and change and of course all through the night and into the next morning.

Eric was no stranger to playing hangover nurse. Yes, it was true that usually he was on the receiving end of the care, but he had been helping his mother out long before kids his own age were even drinking. Granted it was a little different when it concerned his girlfriend. He didn’t want to leave. It was so early in the morning, and knowing that she would have to take on the rest of the day without him…he felt so bad knowing that he needed to go to work when numerous times before Lizzie had stayed home for him when the situation was reversed.

He had of course offered, and even insisted that he would stay. But Lizzie’s groggy, hungover voice just croaked out that she would be okay and that he needed to go to work.
”I’d rather stay here with you…”
Eric was sitting on the edge of the bed, his fingers gingerly running through her hair wishing that his touch alone could take away her pain. He leaned down to plant a soft kiss to her forehead as she told him to just hurry back, they would get to spend all of tomorrow morning in bed together and she would be feeling better then so she could actually enjoy it. But Eric’s fingers faltered against her head and his silence must have been heavy enough to alert Lizzie that something was wrong as she squinted her eyes in the dark to look up towards him, ”Babe?”
”Uhm, I’m…going to Barking tomorrow morning.”
​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122318-----------❖ LOCATION — eric's car-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Suffice it to say, Diana was the last thing on Lizzie’s mind for the rest of the night. It was hard to entertain any of the earlier feelings after all that Eric told her and the overall way he treated her. It wasn’t just that he was catering to her every need in an effort to lift up her spirits again. Or saying all the right words at the right moment to reassure her that she truly had nothing to worry about over Diana. It was that he was so sweet about it. She could tell by the way he constantly volunteered to do simple tasks around the flat for her – like getting her a bottle of water from the kitchen – that he was being careful about the way he treated her; to remind her in these small, simple but sweet acts that he did all of this because he loves her and only her. Not that she ever worried about his feelings. Of course not! But it was that constant reminder that overpowered her brief moments of doubt in her own self-confidence as a girlfriend. She just needed that reminder that their little love bubble – their bedroom its headquarters – could never be broken by anything or anyone.

Were it any other evening, that would have been enough for Lizzie to go to bed happy.

But this wasn’t any other evening. Their entire routine was disrupted by Diana’s presence and the effect it had on Lizzie thus left her feeling…unsatisfied. Or maybe guilty was the right word. It occurred to her as she and Eric settled for bed what her behavior today must have done to him. He even voiced it himself that he thought it was his fault she was acting the way she had. After everything he did for her to help her regain the confidence she lost because of Diana Thompson, the least she could do was repay him for his kindness with something she knew they would both enjoy.

It filled Lizzie with newfound selfish pride knowing that her actions rendered Eric to nothing but deep, low moans and an inability to keep his own hands off her. She continued to be gentle with him though, staying alert of any sudden changes that might concern her. No matter her mood or her drive, she would always put his well-being first and if he wanted her to stop, she would immediately. But it was very clear very quickly that stopping was the last thing on Eric’s mind.

“Mm, baby, you’re getting so hard…” she whispered into his ear. The words also mixed with her own moans as he focused on kissing her neck. Without missing a single beat in her rhythmic movement, she slipped her hand into his underwear. This brought on louder and more intense sounds from her love and it drove her to keep going. In between the flood of moans between them, Lizzie continued to try and speak to Eric.

Admittedly she was not an expert at this kind of thing. Dirty talk wasn’t something she attempted often with her last boyfriend; the only other person she’s ever slept with. It always made her feel uncomfortable. But with Eric, it wasn’t exactly dirty talk that she spoke to him, but it still did its job setting the mood for the both of them. Almost all of her words whispered and moaned to him were assuring him that everything was going to be okay and affirming that he was doing everything right. It was just them.

While she definitely knew far less than Eric in terms of sex, she did know with enough confidence that she knew how to make love with him. Everything else that came with it, she would gladly learn to make the experience even better for them.

By the time she could feel Eric finish sometime later, Diana Thompson was no longer even a blip of a thought.

And the Diana situation remained in the past into the next day. It helped that Lizzie’s work schedule meant she would be missing both Thompson sisters that morning. She definitely left the flat content that she would not have to see Olivia’s little sister ever again…or at least for a very long time. She even allowed herself a moment to revel in the satisfaction that she missed the opportunity to say goodbye to Diana before she pushed it aside to remember the events of last night. Most especially the way Eric looked between her legs; both with his tongue on her and while inside her.

The one downside to these early morning thoughts though was the pure and agonizing torture realizing that she would be separated from Eric for nearly the entire day. Would it be possible to skip the company Christmas party? After all, she was just an intern.

No. She couldn’t skip the company Christmas party. However, she would gradually learn that she wished she had.

Lizzie wanted to believe that her time in London had increased her tolerance to alcohol. Between the monthly Flat Nights and her ever growing social circle thanks to her boyfriend, surely all the alcohol she consumed all those times have put her body to work. The company Christmas party would be her realization that she was greatly mistaken.

She should have listened to Eric when he told her to be careful during the party. He had warned her to not get too caught up in the festivities and to make sure she controlled herself. Now, she wished she listened to him. She wished she hadn’t brushed him off, arguing that Little Hopper was full of professionals that always kept up appearances. Oh. Ohhhhh how wrong she turned out to be.

Just the very thought of staring intently at her phone’s touchscreen keyboard made her head spin and her stomach turn. In fact, anything that didn’t involve just standing in one place and keeping her eyes closed was a threat to anyone nearby. Even thinking about her one true love, the most perfect boyfriend in the world, her one and only Eric Oliver, made her want to throw up. Okay, that’s not entirely true. Eric himself didn’t make her feel sick. It was the agonizing task of having to contact him to ask him to pick her up that seemed like absolute torture. Hence her inability to even stare at her phone screen for very long.

But somehow, in the midst of a random – or not – giggle fest with her two work besties outside the party, she abandoned the task of sending a text to her boyfriend and went straight to calling him.

From there…well…much of the remainder of her Friday night was an absolute blur fueled by the number and variety of alcohol she had to consume.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuhm….” Lizzie groaned, digging her spinning forehead into Eric’s warm arm. “I’m prettyyyyyyyy sure I drank, liiiiiiiiiike, a full glass of beer ‘cause my boss–” She couldn’t finish her slurred explanation. At that very moment, Eric made a very sharp turn and she needed to focus on holding on for dear life onto his arm. Okay, maybe it wasn’t actually a violent turn, but if it was sudden enough to make her already twisted stomach turn some more, and she was having none of it.

The remainder of the night consisted of brief flashes of clarity in a sea of blurred vision and the constant need to be in still darkness. Once or twice she may have vaguely recalled flying? and then the sudden pain of her stomach finally doing a full twist and turning inside out, but honestly she just wanted to focus heavily on Eric’s presence beside her to help make it through the rest of the night. It was going to be rather rough.

So rough, in fact, Eric’s offer to call off work to stay with her the next morning honestly sounded like heaven to her pounding ears. Until the very same pounding intensified due to him speaking so loudly. Suddenly all she wanted was to go back to sleep and to find a solution for him to stop talking. She means all this with the most dearest affection of course. But seriously did he have to be so damn loud right now? He knew how to whisper.

In her efforts to quickly just go back to sleep, Lizzie insisted that she would be okay and that Eric should go to work. Even with her eyes tightly shut, she could feel his protest against her request. But she just wanted so badly for the world to stop spinning and for the lights to be turned off in their bedroom. For this to happen, she needed Eric to leave her alone.

“Just…” Lizzie croaked, turning her head away from him and burying it deep into her pillow. It did little to nothing to alleviate her roaring headache. “Come home quickly, okay? I should be fine by the time you come back. Then we can spend all of today and tomorrow morning together.” There. That seemed like a good compromise. Who didn’t like cuddling and staying in bed for hours on end?

Except that cuddling and staying in bed all tomorrow morning was not going to be in the cards. Hearing “Barking” come out of Eric’s mouth cut right through the pain and fog. Lizzie turned again to properly face Eric. While her vision was still blurred from the overall side effects of her hangover and the last remnants of sleep that clung to her eyes, she could see how hesitant Eric was to just mention this trip out loud.

“Oh…right…” Lizzie said slowly. “I totally forgot you mentioned that, like, the other day…”

It didn’t slip her mind that she had apparently misunderstood the terms behind Eric’s trips to Barking to drop off the money he owed Howard. What she initially thought was monthly payments turned out to be earlier than that. But as much as she wanted to better understand what exactly was his drop off schedule, she still had to acknowledge the fact that she was in no actual state to think…at all.

As such, despite how badly she wanted to further discuss this, Lizzie accepted it with a slow and careful nod then went back to hiding her face away from the lights in their room and every single sound that dared rattle her brain.

It was safe to say that despite her reassurance to Eric that she would be fine at home, she actually wasn’t. But her boyfriend didn’t need to know that and she hoped that he wouldn’t be too worried if she decided to just…not respond to all of his texts throughout the day. After all, she was recovering from whatever the hell happened last night. God, she couldn’t even muster up the courage to venture through those memories in her Stories.

At least Eric could find solace knowing that Lizzie wasn’t entirely alone while he was at work. Similar to the last time one of them suffered through a hangover, Malcolm had been assigned the important task of playing backup nurse. And he played the role with all his expert abilities, including forcing Lizzie to eat what he deemed “delicious” chicken noodle soup. But all Lizzie could think about was how her throat was practically closing in on itself in protest. If it wasn’t for the fact that she didn’t want to worry Eric when he got home from work, she might have protested more against eating and drinking…anything.

Despite the rather rough morning, Lizzie did keep her promise to Eric. After getting some small portions of food into her system, drinking plenty of fluids and taking medicine for the headache, Lizzie was recovered enough to welcome Eric with a bright, genuine smile on her face. And just like she promised, they spent the rest of Saturday night hiding away in their room cuddling and staying in bed.

If only they could continue this into Sunday morning.

Despite the difficult battle with her hangover the day before, it never once left her mind that Eric was going to Barking. In fact, once she recovered from the last of the terrible symptoms, it was all she could think about before he came home from work. The truth was that she didn’t like that he was going to Barking. Not just because it was right before the holidays. She didn’t like that he was going to Barking period. Everything about that place still left her with nightmarish feelings in the pit of her stomach. And just thinking about him going there alone to deal with that evil man made her feel worse than any hangover.

It was for this reason that, try as he might to avoid stirring her, Lizzie was easily awoken by the smallest jostle when he climbed out of bed to prepare to leave. She immediately pushed off her pillow to sit upright, making it known that she was wide awake.

“Babe?” She waited for him to acknowledge her as he changed. As soon as he turned to look at her, she continued with, “Can I go with you? To Barking, I mean?”

It was obvious that was the last thing Eric wanted to hear coming out of her mouth. She wasn’t surprised when Eric refused. After all, the last time Lizzie stepped foot in Barking it was the night she and Olivia found him curled up tight in an abandoned church, dirty and nearly freezing to death. She wasn’t stupid. She could tell how badly he, and even Olivia, wanted to keep her as far away from Barking as possible. But after watching him come home two times now as if his entire world had come crashing down on him, she was very much in the same camp as them in terms of Eric. She wanted so badly for Eric to never go back there. But while he had no choice, she could at least ensure that he didn’t go there alone.

“Eric, please,” she said, climbing out of bed and walking over to him. “Let me go with you. I don’t have to get out of the car when you drop off the money.” She watched the beginnings of protest appear on his face. “I just don’t want you going alone.”

She reached into the deep pockets of his jacket, pulling his hands out while she entwined their fingers together. “I know you do these trips early so you don’t worry me, but trust me, it doesn’t work. I worry regardless.” She paused to watch as he brushed his thumbs along the back of her hands. “I appreciate that you told me beforehand instead of letting me know, like, after you get home, but that won’t stop me from being worried sick that you’re going there by yourself. Maybe if Olivia was here and went with you, I would feel differently. But she’s not here and it’s just us.”

She squeezed his hands for a second then looked up at him. “Please, baby. I know you don’t want me going back there, but it would make me feel better being with you and knowing that you’re safe.” After one more squeeze, she pulled his arms around her waist and refused to let him pull away. “I might not be able to protect you from anything that could hurt you there, but at least I can be with you if it does.”

Even as they waited for Eric’s car to do what little it can to warm up inside, Lizzie knew he still didn’t like this. But in this instance, she just would not take “no” for an answer. So while it wasn’t exactly warm yet in the car, Lizzie accepted one of the blankets he kept in the backseat and climbed into the front passenger seat.

She tried to hide how nervous she was about this trip. When she was last on this road, there was hardly any light in front of her outside the range of Olivia’s car headlights. Now, it just felt like a completely different road. The sun was slowly starting to come out, just barely peeking out through the gray rain clouds. There were very few cars aside from theirs, leaving so much open road in front of them and offering her quite a nice view. While everything outside the car was wet from the rain, it still also had that touch of green that came with constant rain. If she didn’t know exactly where they were going, she would have easily thought that they were going on a nice little road trip.

Out of habit, Lizzie turned to look at Eric’s dashboard. It took her mind a split second to remember that Eric’s car was different from every other car she has ever been in. Eric didn’t have the luxury of GPS and so had no need for a mount of any kind. So instead she stared at the dusty cassette player, wondering what to say. It was just so quiet in this tiny car.

Actually, there was something she could say. It was something she has been thinking about constantly since he first mentioned this Barking trip earlier.

“Babe? Can I ask you something?” she said hesitantly. She then turned to look at him, waiting for when she knew he was listening to her. He briefly looked at her before returning his eyes to the road. “How hard is it for you to save up the money to pay back…Howard?” Ugh. The effort to get that evil man’s name out of her mouth was like coughing up a boulder lodged in her throat. “Like, with all those hours you work at the hotel, is there not enough in your pay to at least leave you with money for, like, personal use? Buy food and stuff?”

Was she expecting any sort of positive answer to this question? After everything that they’ve been through together, especially since his disappearance back in October, Lizzie knew to harden her heart for the realistic answer rather than hope for the best. And as much as Eric wanted to protect her from the troubles of this part of his life, now that she was such a pivotal part of it, such protection was hard to continue.

“So, last week. When we were supposed to go on date night?” She didn’t need to continue asking the question. They both knew she wanted him to clarify that he didn’t have enough to afford taking them out on date night.

Lizzie sighed heavily, wrapping the blanket tighter around her. Despite having thought about this for days, to suddenly bring it up with Eric just made her feel terrible. She knew how difficult it was for Eric to have any discussion about money. But she also knew, if she went about all this properly, it would all be for the best. It might even help their relationship.

“What about if I paid for us?” This immediately earned her a quick look from Eric.

She didn’t let that look falter her resolve though. “Babe, you know I would never think less of you! That is the very last thing I would ever think! But you and I know that I understand well enough how difficult this entire situation is for you, and I would do whatever I can to help.”

She turned to look directly at him now. “But I also really love spending time with you outside the flat. I love going out on dates. It doesn’t even have to be anything, like, super fancy! Dinner at ABC and downtime at Draughts. Something simple as that before going home honestly sounds so amazing to me.” She continued to watch him closely. “Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against just spending time at home. But aren’t there, like, times when you wanna just go out for a couple hours just to go out?”

“Look, I get it, okay? You already have so much on your plate as it is. And I feel so bad that I’m adding more onto that plate.” This brought on a response from Eric, but he still wouldn’t look at her. “Baby, you know it’s true! You were so hurt and nervous that night when you had to tell me you couldn’t do date night because of this very trip. Yes, I was bummed, but do you realize how much worse it would have been if you hadn’t said anything? What if you had gone through with that date night and then I lost you again?!”

This statement must have struck something in Eric to finally turn to look at her. She met his gaze and held it until he needed to look back at the road. “I know I must sound like such a broken record now, but all I want from you and from us is for you to be happy and safe. I never ever want you to have to resort to working under that man ever again.” She paused, turning to look at the open road in front of them. “All I’m asking is that you let me help you from time to time. It doesn’t have to be anything as extreme as giving you some money to help you pay him. If you want to worry about that on your own, fine, I’ll respect that. But at least let me help you with anything else; to get at least one thing off your already busy plate.”

“I am more than okay to pay for date nights if you ever need me to! If it allows me the opportunity to spend time with you – just us two – I will gladly do it.” Lizzie paused again, deeply thinking about her next words. “Or…maybe…what about if I pay for the date nights I propose and plan? And, if you, like, have your own plans for a date night, then of course you can pay for that. But I’m totally okay not having the financial burden of us being in a relationship to fall only on you. Let me please help.” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122318-----------❖ LOCATION — his car-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

At the time Eric had found the discussion of money in regards to their relationship to be frustrating and honestly quite difficult to talk about. Every point Lizzie made was correct and sound, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear, especially in this context. The fact that they were literally driving to Barking, the very place that was the reason they were even talking about money in the first place made the whole thing even heavier.

He wanted to agree with her and give her what she wanted, and in the end he did, but it did not come without some initial push back. Eric had never been good at asking for help, and what was almost harder than asking for help was accepting it without having asked. Maybe this wouldn’t have been so hard to talk about if it had come up more nonchalantly, but Lizzie had initiated it all by blatantly asking about his debt to Howard. The scales had been tipped in her favor from the very beginning as she continued to pull at each frayed string in the rope he had clung to every day since they first met.

All he wanted was to be able to give her the life and relationship she deserved despite the both of them knowing fully well that he couldn’t—at least not until he had paid back everything his mother had owed, but there was no telling how long that would take. It wasn’t like Lizzie was asking him to do anything crazy for her. His difficulty to accept this proposal would have made much more sense had she been asking him to do something he couldn’t, like if she were to actually be insisting that he needed to do more for her financially speaking. But her version of “doing more” was to simply let her take care of him—of them. And so while it did take some persistence on her end, Eric did agree to her date night terms on two conditions. The first being that the planned date was within a reasonable budget, meaning Lizzie couldn’t do anything extra extravagant without letting him split the check when had he planned it he likely only would have been able to take her somewhere cheap. And the second was that this could only apply to planned dates. That wasn’t to say that Eric wouldn’t allow for any spontaneous outings, but just that anything not pre planned would be up for discussion as far as splitting or paying for one another. Whereas a planned date they would not fight over the check; Eric wouldn’t be difficult about letting her pay and Lizzie wouldn’t try to intervene or make it up to him somehow when it was his date.

As tough as it had been to talk about, in retrospect he wished he had driven slower or taken a longer route to give them more time to focus on them. He would have much rather continued that conversation than the silence that fell between them as the car came to a complete stop at last, ”…we’re here. “

Eric never liked coming out to Barking, and it wasn’t getting any easier with each passing year. But he wasn’t usually scared to be here the way he felt now with Lizzie in the car with him. Lizzie who made him feel safe. Lizzie who made him feel seen. Lizzie who loved him unconditionally. Being with her now should have eased his anxieties and allowed him to calmly and confidently navigate this part of his life, but instead it was having the opposite effect. Having her here was making him nervous and not in the butterfly sensation way. He was on edge with Howard’s words looming over his every thought. Way back in October, Howard had blatantly threatened Lizzie as a way to get Eric to submit to him, and then here he was bringing her straight to the man’s house. What on earth had possessed Eric to do this??

Lizzie had. It was always Lizzie. His desire to please her had once again outweighed all rational thoughts and so he had gone against his better judgment and allowed her to come with him. Did he regret his decision? Back in their room at the flat he had felt a little tiny surge of pride over the knowledge of the growth he had by pushing through something difficult and opening up to his love. But now that they were here, yes, he was honestly regretting bringing her with him.

His heart was racing as he shifted into park and glanced out the window towards the small line of houses that made up his childhood neighborhood. Eric had parked very intentionally. He had deliberately avoided the easier and closer spots and positioned the car on the other side of the street and a couple houses down. With the wide open plan of the cul de sac, you could see everything no matter where you were. And that was leaving Eric feeling very vulnerable and exposed. Turning his head he could easily see every single front door and could even feel them. The pressure they radiated felt like there were dozens of pairs of eyes staring down at him. So while he couldn’t truly hide them, he could at least make it more difficult to see into the car from the distance at which they were from Howard’s house.

Eric’s own eyes were still focused out his window even after taking his hands off the wheel and pulling up the emergency brake. Each breath he took was slow and shallow, almost as though remembering to breathe was an afterthought amongst everything else running through his head. He hadn’t said anything else, and neither had Lizzie. The air in the car was tense, but unlike after picking her up from the pool, this time it was not heavy with disappointment and jealousy. There were no ill feelings between the two of them, just the nerves that came with not knowing what would happen next.

Finally Lizzie’s soft voice cut through the silence, calling to him in an effort to reel him back into her—into them—before she could lose him again to the memories of his dark past. Eric didn’t respond, at least not verbally. His gaze was fixated out the window but his hand reached over to settle on her thigh despite the blanket that kept it covered from view; his grip was gentle, but still held her with such purpose. Eric longed for that bubble of safety and security that she had created for him Thursday night. That wasn’t to say that sex was crossing his thoughts amidst all the darkness he was feeling, but rather he just craved the way Lizzie made him feel—emotionally speaking—and was growing desperate to obtain even just a fraction of comfort from her. But similarly, he wanted to extend that comfort to her as well. She had argued very clearly that she wanted to come with him because she was worried for him, and that made it very clear that she too needed the reassurance that everything would be okay. That he would be okay. But it was hard to confidently tell her that when he himself was feeling just as uncertain about this whole thing.

It wasn’t until he felt her hand on the back of his that he turned back in towards her. As he made eye contact he allowed himself to lean back into his seat as his fingers squeezed her leg in silent acknowledgement. As much as he wanted to just go and get this over with, Eric was having a hard time convincing himself to leave the car. Had he brought her with him last time, or if he were to bring him next time, either option would have been easier than today. It was just days until Christmas and being here of all places brought up such a raw pain that Eric hadn’t anticipated while he had been so stressed and hyper focused on just the fact that he was bringing Lizzie to Barking.

His Mum had died here. And the anniversary of that day was just around the corner.

He swallowed, suddenly feeling like his throat was drying up and closing in on itself, before letting out a slow exhale, ”Did you come here with Olivia?”
Neither of the girls had ever given him the full story of when they found him here in Barking. With everything else going on, the specifics of that story had sort of just gotten swept under the carpet and never really had any reason to be brought up again. But now that they were here, a part of Eric was curious to know just how much Lizzie truly did know herself. How much had Olivia told her of his life here in Barking?

Eric watched her, gauging her response with his silence as he contemplated how to proceed. Was he glad that Olivia hadn’t taken her over here? Did he want to introduce Lizzie to this side of his world? Did Lizzie herself even want to know? There were so many unanswered questions running through his head but in light of recent events Eric decided that he at least wanted to try. To try and explain at least something so that all of Lizzie’s knowledge about him wasn’t shrouded in thick, ominous London fog.

”This is my street…” As the realization sunk in Lizzie glanced away and out the windows of the car almost as though trying to picture Eric living here or wondering how it was that such a quaint little street was the venue to so much pain, ”Olivia lived down there,” He nodded his head down the street in front of them even though the house itself was no longer in view, ”We passed it on the way in…her family moved after Diana finished school.”

”And uhm…” Again he had to force himself to swallow as the dreaded lump known as “truth” lodged itself in his throat and deprived him of air, ”I lived there.”

Eric had turned just enough in his seat to point to the house at the end of the cul de sac, but upon realizing how vague “there” was in a row of near identical houses he went on to clarify details of the house until he was certain Lizzie knew which one he was referring to. The second Lizzie was on the same page he dropped his gaze away from the house and turned in his seat so that he was facing her, but his eyes instead looked down at her hand still on his. His hand still firmly gripping her leg through the blanket.

He didn’t want to go. If just sitting in his car hurt this much then he could only imagine the pain that would come with actually approaching his house, ”Will you be alright?”
Was he asking her for her sake or for his own? Either way, he was still just stalling for time, but Eric waited for her to speak before finally getting himself to move. When he released her leg it very quickly became clear just how tightly he’d actually been holding her and how badly his hand had been trembling as he now reached down towards her knees and opened the glove compartment. Right on top was a fat envelope filled with his entire paycheck cashed out and Eric had to force himself not to freeze from all the guilt and shame that suddenly overwhelmed him upon realizing what Lizzie was finally witnessing.

Eric didn’t make any requests of her such as telling her to stay in the car; he didn’t need to, he trusted that she wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize this trip. After all this wasn’t simply a matter of personal preference. This wasn’t like asking someone to look away while you changed or to not post a photo of a private event. As much as he assured her that he wasn’t in danger, they both knew that wasn’t entirely true, but he had trusted her by bringing her along with him, and so now she had to trust that he knew what was best for the both of them. Which in this case was keeping Lizzie as far away as he could while still within his sights. It was that mutual trust that he could feel radiate between them as he braved a glance up into her warm brown eyes one last time that ultimately allowed him to feel comfortable finally leaving the car, ”I’ll be right back.”

Normally Eric would have watched Lizzie until she was out of sight. He was well known for being difficult at and for prolonging his goodbyes when it came to her. But as he crossed the street he didn’t look back at the car, not even once. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets and eyes trained on the door to the right of his old house. As hard as he tried not to though, after he knocked on the door his resolve gave way and for a brief moment he allowed himself to glance over at his own front door. It stung and grabbed at his heart but he wasn’t given any more time to feel that pain as Howard’s door opened to reveal that woman from all those weeks before still clad in his mother’s robe.

However she didn’t seem to recognize or remember him quite as easily, ”Yes?”
”Is Howard here?”
”Who’s asking?”
”Eric.”

She closed the door then, and Eric could hear her shouting into the house that he was here. When the door next opened he was face to face with Howard who had a cigarette between his lips and a brown paper bag in his hands, ”I wasn’t ‘specting you.”
It was a useless statement, after all Eric very rarely made any sort of arrangement as to when he would show up. As such he didn’t say anything in response and just pulled the envelope out of his jacket pocket to hold out to his ex-landlord.

Howard didn’t take it though, he just smiled as his eyes danced from Eric to the envelope and back.
”...here,” Poor Eric just wanted to be rid of the money so he could return to the car and his waiting Lizzie, but Howard just stepped back into the house gruffly muttering for Eric to follow him.

Eric hesitated, but he didn’t dare look back over his shoulder to where Lizzie sat in the car. He wouldn’t give away her hiding place like that. And besides, as long as Howard was inside with him she was safe. It wasn’t like Howard had some multi million, technologically advanced operation with security cameras and people tracking his every move. He wasn’t some mafia leader with an army of men spying outside. It was just Howard, his women and whoever was unfortunate enough to be roped into working for him as Eric was.

It wasn’t until the door was now shut behind him that he glanced over his shoulder as concern for Lizzie filled his thoughts. It was one thing for him to come in here, but sitting alone in the car she had no idea what was going on. The second thing to run through his mind was how difficult it suddenly was to breathe now that he was in an enclosed space. For once it wasn’t a side effect of his own anxiety though and instead was due to all the smoke and chemical smells that wafted through the air; he coughed several times as Howard led him back towards the kitchen.

”Happy Christmas, Eric.”
Eric definitely had not been expecting to hear those words come from Howard of all people. Was he supposed to say it back to him? Should he say thank you? No—why would he thank him? Besides who thanks someone for holiday well wishes?? That was just ridiculous. But the absurdity of what Howard had said sent Eric’s brain for a spin as he tried to process just what exactly he had meant and where this was going. In the end he had no conclusion but to remain quiet as he set his envelope down on the table Howard had now sat down at.
”You can keep it—” Eric’s eyes flickered up to him in disbelief, his ears waiting to hear the fine print on this sudden turn of events, ”—if you take this back to London with you.”

And there it was. There was always a catch.

He watched warily as Howard abandoned the brown paper bag on the table and instead pushed a small, heavily taped cardboard box towards him. There was no telling what was in it but it had to be worth something if Howard was willing to forego accepting Eric’s money in lieu of delivering this mystery parcel.

The Eric of two months ago would have said yes, grudgingly so but no questions asked. But the Eric of now had so much more at stake and he was desperate to stay as uninvolved in this lifestyle as he possibly could, ”...no.”

There was a pause as Howard clearly hadn’t been expecting him to refuse as quickly as he had, the man then simply shrugged and moved closer, snatching away the envelope of Eric’s hard earned money before returning to the far side of the table where his throne of a kitchen chair sat waiting for him, ”Well if you change yer mind…”

The sinking feeling in Eric’s stomach was sickening as just like that he had lost everything he had worked for over the past three weeks. All the hours at the hotel, all the guests he had to put up with, all the times with Lizzie he had to cancel or alter because he was saving his money. And then for it to just be gone so quickly while knowing he could have kept it if he had just done this one job. All he had to do was bring this box to London. It was just one job. But Eric’s hands curled in on themselves and his nails met his palms as past experience reasoned with him that it was never just one job, and that before he knew it he would be in over his head again. And he wouldn’t be able to face Lizzie if he walked out there with that box in hand. It wasn’t worth it, but that didn’t make it any easier to walk away from as he saw himself back outside.

The smell of wet cement outside was so refreshing after the near nauseating cloud of fumes he had been standing in for the past couple minutes. But it was nothing compared to the feeling of opening his car door. He’d left the vehicle running so as to keep the heater on while Lizzie waited for him and so feeling the warmth hit him as he climbed into the driver’s seat combined with the relief that Lizzie was right where he left her quickly pushed all the bad thoughts from his head. But it only lasted for the briefest of moments.

He wanted to apologize for taking so long, or to ask if she was alright. But in the end he did neither as he quietly pulled his hair free from the chain of his necklace before muffling a last residual cough into his arm. Eric didn’t look over to her, instead busying himself with his seat belt and mumbling that they could leave now.

He wasn’t sure what she had expected in wanting to come with him. All in all it was pretty uneventful, as it always was. But he could still feel a pressure coming from her that almost mirrored the same heaviness that was weighing down on his chest. And when Eric finally glanced over to her he found that she was watching him so closely it felt as though she were seeing through him. Was he that obvious with his emotions that she knew he was hurting without having even told her what happened? Or was Lizzie just that good at reading him?

Eric could tell that there was something on her mind, something she was struggling to find the words to ask. But as she hesitated to speak he instead focused on the tight hold he had on his steering wheel as he pulled out of his parking spot a little too quickly and without addressing the elephant in the car. They were at least two blocks over by the time Lizzie started softly testing the waters by asking if he was okay.

At first he didn’t hear her. His eyes were trained on the road as he made a right hand turn and then continued down the street at his slightly too fast but still within the limit speed. The weight had lifted off him almost immediately after leaving his street but his body had yet to relax, the adrenaline pumping through had created a flight response that was so desperate to just get out of Barking as fast as he could.

It wasn’t until she said his name that he blinked out of his headspace and all at once Eric released the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding but he still didn’t say anything in response. She repeated her question, knowing now that she had his attention. But even as Lizzie next suggested that they pull over, Eric still wasn’t able to answer her. Usually by the time he was back home he had exhausted all of his emotions and just crashed into her arms. He had yet to ever be around her while everything was still running rampant inside him and that was clear in how neither really knew how to handle the other in that moment.

Except, Lizzie always seemed to find the answer: patience.

After parking the car a good distance away from his childhood home, Eric just stared forward out the windshield for a good minute as he chewed at his lower lip. When he did look away it was just to drop down to stare at his own hands in his lap as they now crushed one another as a poor outlet for all his built up tension. They sat in that silence until Eric finally found the beginnings of his voice, ”Sorry.”

His voice was so small compared to everything he was feeling but it was that moment that granted Lizzie permission to reach across and touch him. She pulled his hand away to bring it into her own lap and away from the potential danger of self harm, her sweet voice trying again to ask what was wrong now that she was getting through to him.

”I—”

”Uhm…”

It had been a while since it was this hard for Eric to talk to her. Everything lately had involved Lizzie and so Eric had pushed his way through numerous hard talks so as to save their relationship. But this was now something that was just him and he was struggling to admit what was bothering him. In actuality this one little event was not a big deal. This was definitely not the first or even second time that Howard had tempted him or dangled his freedom over his head. But the timing and placement of it all coinciding with his Mum’s upcoming anniversary and his and Lizzie’s recent financial crisis just made it feel like someone had pulled the bottom Jenga piece and sent his tower crashing to the floor.

”He said I could keep it—if I—he asked me to take this box to London and in exchange I could keep the money. I said no but…” Eric’s hand squeezed hers, finally meeting her efforts to ground him as he braved on, ”I’m sorry. I won’t go back to that again…”

Why did he have to suffer through giving up all his money every few weeks trying to do “the right thing”, when the easy alternative was to just give in and go back to working for Howard? Working in Barking he always had money. He would easily make more than he did at the hotel and only had to sacrifice a few hours out of his day usually. That sort of freedom was so hard to give up after having been used to it for years, ”I’m just so tired of this.”

They stayed there for several minutes after, giving Eric the time and space he needed to decompress and unwind. But it was Lizzie to follow up with a clarification after she felt he had calmed down enough to be able to handle it.

He stared at her for a minute in silence as he processed what she was asking him. It was difficult to describe the expression on his face. He wasn’t shocked or offended by her question. It didn’t even make him uncomfortable knowing that this was what was on her mind. If anything, what Eric felt was a mixture of guilt and defeat. He had gone all this time since October without her bringing it up, and he had naively believed it would just get left behind and forgotten. But of course Lizzie didn’t forget. How could she? Eric had countless memories of his own mother coming home high out of her mind—he had even called an ambulance for her before…several times actually. So he knew very well how traumatizing it could be, and knowing that Lizzie was wondering that about him made him sick to his stomach to think about.

But Eric still hadn’t said anything, just silently searching her eyes for the strength to pull him through this. She deserved a straight and honest answer, even if it wasn’t entirely what she wanted to hear. But the past times he had given her the truth they had almost all backfired in his face and left him regretting having told her. Was there a safe in between in which he wasn’t lying but she didn’t have to hear more of his gruesome past life?

His lips parted slightly as if to talk when suddenly his gaze dropped, his eye contact faltering as a clear indication that while the words were on the tip of his tongue he was still struggling to get them out. The difficult answer was that yes, he had technically taken drugs before. It had unfortunately come with his line of work back then. But he had never sought them out for himself. Eric had only ever been forced into it, either literally or by obligation. But that wasn’t exactly reassuring to tell her when it was clear now what she was afraid of.

”Are you asking about October?”

Olivia had told him some of that night and how he had been high when they found him, ”I don’t really remember the night you guys found me,” There were actually a lot of black holes in his memory. And that was a common side effect of depression, but at the same time, Eric had experienced enough blackouts in his life to know the difference. He couldn’t readily account for all the gaps in his memory, but he could safely blame most of them on having been intoxicated in one way or another. Or choked out…

But even without the few details Olivia had shared, Eric had found and recognized the all too familiar bruising on his arm during the days that had followed. He also remembered just enough of the hours before to know with certainty that in that instance, he had been drugged. That was not consensual using—but that wasn’t the only time he had ever taken anything. It was just the only time he had been given heroin of all things. The very drug that stole his Mum away and created all the problems in his life.

He still couldn’t meet Lizzie’s gaze, but at least he was talking still, ”I’m sorry you had to see that. I—I used to find my own Mum passed out all the time, so I know…I know how scary and upsetting it is.”
The fact that Lizzie had experienced that very same fear with him was something he would never be able to forgive himself for no matter how many times anyone were to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, ”Lizzie, I—”

Eric finally raised his head to glance over at her beside him. He was actually terrified to see her reaction to all this but above all he needed her to see that he meant every word he said, ”I would never choose that after having seen it first hand my entire life.”

Had he ever done drugs? Yes, the sad truth was that he had. But had anyone ever really asked his opinion first then he would have turned them down every single time.
​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122318-----------❖ LOCATION — restaurant-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

The panic and the fear was unbearable. It made her heart race and her whole body shake. She wanted so badly to just get out of the car and rush right over to the door. What she would do next, she had no idea. But she didn’t like one bit that she could no longer see Eric from her side mirror. She hated watching him walk through that open door and then to have it close behind him. Why had he gone inside?! All he needed to do was hand that devil the money then come back to her.

But Lizzie did nothing. Amidst the panic and the fear and the “what if” scenarios rushing through her frantic mind, she stayed in the car because she knew it was the best option. Surely this was nothing out of the ordinary for Eric’s drop offs. She just had to trust that he had everything under control and that he would come out of that house safe.

The only problem with her decision to stay in the car while Eric was alone in that house was that she was restless. No amount of self reassuring could calm her down. Nothing she said to herself or did in a form of self soothing could stop her from every so often looking out her window thinking someone was watching her. But each time she looked out her window, she only saw a quiet little neighborhood. No one was even standing outside their houses or looking out their windows. It was an early Sunday morning, right before the holidays. This was just a regular neighborhood with regular English people. This was not some evil operation where every house was owned by Howard and a random crony could pop out of the blue at any moment. She just had to trust that Eric would do what he needed to and leave.

Lizzie tightened the blanket around her. She long ago removed her seatbelt to fix the blanket so that it was now wrapped around her shoulders across her back as opposed to being laid out across her front during the drive to Barking. She didn’t do this in an attempt to stay warm while she waited. The heater was doing that for her. She needed some form – any form – of comfort she could get while she waited these next excruciating minutes until her love finally walked out that door and returned to her side.

She was practically staring at the closed door through her side mirror with daggers in her eyes. What was taking Eric so long? Was he okay? Was he hurting him? Even if it was only a few minutes that passed, to Lizzie this felt like a painful eternity. She was practically pleading under her breath after a couple minutes of waiting for Eric to please walk out that door.

The relief that came when the door finally opened and Eric stepped out of the house hit Lizzie like a large wave crashing on the shore. She wanted to finally relax in her seat, but she couldn’t help watching Eric return to her with bated breath. On top of that, she could feel the first signs of anger enter her bloodstream. What had that bastard done or said to Eric to cause such pain to show on his perfect face?

As soon as Eric climbed back into the car, Lizzie knew better than to immediately rush him with questions about what happened. First off, the way he practically slammed the door shut quieted every nagging worry she felt choking at her throat. She very quickly swallowed the questions that she was prepared to ask. She would have to wait if she still wanted to ask them.

This, however, turned out to be a bad decision.

Had Lizzie focused solely on Eric’s well-being after facing Howard, she would never have let any other thoughts invade her mind. As it was, her concern for him branched out to more than just his well-being. She was now forced to consider a possibility that she did not dare allow a moment in the light.

Was there more to Eric’s relationship to Howard than simply repaying years worth of rent and other debts his mum had accumulated? Was there a reason he always drove the money to Barking? Did this evil man who ruined so many people’s lives have a hold on her Eric than he was letting her believe?

It wasn’t until she managed to break through whatever emotional wall he had up between them and convince him to pull over did she finally brave to ask the one question she wished she never ever had to ask.

“When you were working for him, have you ever used his products?” she asked through the lump in her throat. She couldn’t even stomach the attempt to say the word “drugs” without the fear that she would throw up in the car that very instant.

Try as she might, Lizzie still has not forgotten the night she and Olivia went to look for Eric after his two week long disappearance. It unfortunately lived rent free in a deep, dark space in her brain that was like the boogeyman; ready to creep out of the shadows at any given moment she wasn’t prepared for it. Although she wouldn’t admit this out loud – especially to Eric – she would have near nightmares of that very night. Some dreams she found him exactly like that night. Other nights left her in near tears as she woke up at the end of her dream either not being able to find him or–

Lizzie shook her head, momentarily turning away from Eric to compose herself once more. She squeezed his hand tightly in hers in an attempt to banish the thoughts and memories that came with those shadows.

There was something about Eric’s response that left Lizzie…unsatisfied. Technically he answered her question. But it didn’t take her too long to figure out that what Eric did was revert back to his old habits: he was avoiding answering her questions by only giving her half truths.

She already knew that he took drugs during the time he disappeared to work for Howard back in October. It was thanks to Olivia that Lizzie was made aware of the puncture bruise on his arm. And there was no denying Eric’s behavior and poor ability to even hold himself up that night was due to being high when they found him.

It would have been better if Lizzie just accepted this response and moved on to something more important. But try as she might, she could not silence the nagging feeling that tightened her chest.

She let out a deep sigh, entwining the fingers of his hand in hers as she pulled it further up her lap. “So…October was the first time you ever took it, then?” she asked slowly.

The silence after her question was so heavy not even the roaring heater could fill the space. She felt Eric’s grip loosen between hers and she could have sworn it twitched as if he wanted to pull it out. But Lizzie never once took her gaze away from him. Even as he dropped his head or turned to look out the windshield, she watched him closely and waited patiently for his response.

When he finally answered her question, she was disappointed, but not surprised. No, October was not the first time he ever tried any of Howard’s drugs. But before she could even breathe to prepare to say something in response, he quickly added – as if he already knew he needed to defend himself – “But it was never my choice.” The eye contact between them as he said this was enough to quiet any further thoughts Lizzie may have about the topic. Even though she might have potentially wanted to ask more follow-up questions, past experiences with such related conversations and the sad, hurt expression on Eric’s face was enough to shut her up and force her to move on. She was ready to push aside this whole conversation and move on before it ruined them.

“Okay,” she said. As she lifted his hand to softly kiss his knuckles, she just as softly added, “I’m sorry, baby…”

The rain had completely covered all the windows, blurring any view of Barking to them. Not that Lizzie noticed nor cared at this moment. All she cared about right now was holding Eric’s hand in hers as her other hand tenderly combed through his hair. She didn’t know how long they actually stayed in this parking spot. But for all she cared, she would rather they sat here for as long as Eric needed to recover from this trip. As much as she wanted to be done with this place, she wanted Eric to leave all these heavy feelings here before they drove back home.

She would have kept to this plan if her stomach hadn’t other plans in mind. Even over the blaring heater, her growling stomach could still be heard in the tight space of Eric’s car. Throughout the entire emotional roller coaster, it failed to cross her mind that she was actually pretty hungry by now. When she briefly looked away from Eric to check the time, she immediately knew why. Had Eric come to Barking on his own, he would actually be back at the flat by now. Not sitting in a parking lot working through all these painful emotions with her at his side.

It seemed though that her hunger was what it took for Eric to snap out of whatever it was that was pulling him miles away from her. Lizzie shifted in her seat, a little embarrassed at the situation. She wasn’t exactly embarrassed that he found out that she was hungry. It was more that she was embarrassed at the bad timing of it all. But alas, hunger waits for no one.

“I guess that’s our cue to head out,” she said. She finally released Eric’s hand and turned to face forward. “Maybe we can grab something to eat before going home. Do you want me to look up some place that is open right now near the flat?” She then leaned forward to reach into her purse for her phone. “Or we could just drop by the cafe since it’s closer?”

Eric, on the other hand, had another option. Even after reassuring him that she was fine waiting until they were closer to home to eat, he offered up the suggestion to eat in Barking instead. He pointed out that there was a restaurant nearby open right now that served breakfast.

Admittedly, Lizzie never even considered the option to eat in Barking. Much of her energy was spent trying to get Eric out as quickly as possible without the town following him home. It wasn’t until he highlighted a part of his hometown that wasn’t the dreaded cul-de-sac they quickly escaped did it suddenly dawn on her that there was actually more to Barking than the parts that ruined Eric’s life. After all, he wouldn’t have suggested staying here an extra hour or so just so that she wouldn’t be hungry on the drive home if the entire town was just as bad.

But still, Lizzie had to make sure he wasn’t forcing himself to stay, especially on her behalf.

“Um, I mean, sure we can do that,” she said hesitantly. “But we also don’t have to if you wanna, like, leave.” She turned to watch his response.

Eric, however, didn’t give much indication whether he was okay or not staying in Barking to eat. In fact, he seemed to lean in hard on her hunger. Not exactly that he was worried about it. Well…actually it was hard to pinpoint exactly. As Lizzie watched him reverse out of the parking spot and drove back onto the road, she continued to wonder if he was using her hunger as a distraction or not.

After driving for a couple more minutes, Eric parked in front of a small restaurant. Other than the large sign in front, there was nothing much else to indicate what kind of restaurant it was or what they served. But what Lizzie focused on the most was their surroundings. Just like the little neighborhood he grew up in, this part of Barking in the daytime looked completely different from what she remembered when she was here during the middle of the night. It really just…looked like a normal English town. Had she not known one of the deep dark secrets about this place, Barking could honestly feel just like the area near their flat. And it was this thought that constantly made Lizzie uneasy. It also made it difficult to stomach that this very town she antagonized for so long could just be normal.

But for Eric’s sake, she put her best foot forward and gave Barking a chance to prove her wrong; that it was more than the location that ruined the life of her favorite person in the entire world.

Lizzie followed Eric into the restaurant, taking his hand as soon as she fell in step with him. As soon as they stepped inside, the immediate smell of an English breakfast hit her nose and warmed her up. She was in the process of adjusting to the sudden warmth when she and Eric were waved over to an empty table.

If the smells didn’t already strengthen her hunger, browsing the breakfast menu made it worse. Her stomach grumbled again as she contemplated committing to an English breakfast or going with something she was more accustomed to, like pancakes or waffles. Honestly, at this point she was certain she would be able to finish either option. But after discussing potential options with Eric and listening to his suggestions, Lizzie decided on waffles in the end.

Once their server took their orders, Lizzie returned her full attention to Eric. She leaned closer to him with her hands folded on the table. “Did you come here often when you were still living here?” she asked. “Was this place, like, your version of ABC growing up?” She started imagining what a younger Eric could have done here, sitting on this table that honestly looked like it was just as old as him. Did he come here with Olivia when they were kids? Or maybe when they were in secondary school?

Or maybe this was one of the spots he went to with his mom? Maybe in the years from the photos she still had hidden away in her desk. Did they come here dressed in their Sunday best to have breakfast together? Or maybe an older Eric brought his mom here in an attempt to alleviate whatever hangover she might be suffering from the morning after a high?

Or maybe Eric spent much of his time alone here. Hunched over some homework or maybe the first of many notebooks that he would fill with songs or ideas for plays.

Or maybe he came here to unwind after another one of Howard’s jobs…which one, Lizzie didn’t dare think about. She didn’t want to think about what that looked like.

Some kind of look must have crossed her face that very moment because Eric suddenly called out her name. However, it wasn’t until she felt his warm hand on top of hers did she snap out of the images playing in her mind. As she turned to focus on the Eric presently seated across from her at this small table, she hoped that of all the places in Barking, this restaurant at least made him happy. ​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122318-----------❖ LOCATION — near his car-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

”Uhm…”
When Lizzie asked about the particular restaurant he had taken them to, Eric honestly wasn't sure how to answer her at first. For starters he had been a little distracted ever since they parked the car; it had been years since he had last been here. But he also knew his girlfriend well enough to know that Lizzie didn't often ask a question just to engage in small talk. If it was worth asking then she genuinely wanted to know. But what was she hoping to hear in this instance? Just a short while back she was inquiring about his past relationship with drugs, so was she thinking this place was somehow related to that? Was she asking to find out some dark truth of his he’d been keeping from her? Or was she simply curious as to what made him choose this place?

“Lizzie?” He’d lost her. In the time it took for him to think through her question he had lost her to her own thoughts. Was this too much? Bringing her with him to Barking had already been a lot, and now he had kept her here in his efforts to take care of her when truthfully even he just wanted to leave. Maybe he should have just taken her straight back to the flat after all. They could have eaten at the cafe down the street in the comfort of a familiar setting where they could both breathe easier without all these heavy memories looming over them everywhere they went.

But it was as Lizzie focused back in on him and their eyes connected that a memory of her voice rang through his head, ”I’m in for it all.” Lizzie had told him that, several times even, but Eric had always had trouble accepting it. He was just so adamantly against letting her get involved to the point that he continuously left her stumbling around in the darkness of his past. But time and time again she would get up and brush herself off, not giving up on her quest to find him, and it was during times like those—times like right now when Eric waged an internal war on himself over what the right thing to do was.

She wanted to be let in. She wanted him to trust her with everything. But did that mean that he should pull back the curtain and turn on the lights for her to see all that he was and how he had come to be this way? Or would it be better to take her hand and lead her through the dark with a flashlight so that she only saw what he allowed her to see?

Honestly neither of those felt right, but at that moment he couldn’t easily see a comparable in between. There was too much going on for Eric to be able to choose the right path to take. It was hard enough being in Barking as it was without having to worry about his relationship on top of everything else. He had already put her through so much by bringing her to his drop off, the last thing he wanted to do was drag her through more of his life.

But, was it really so bad being here? He had actually glanced away after regaining Lizzie’s attention, his eyes dancing to the tables in the back corner behind her almost as if looking for something or someone as he continued to weigh the pros and cons to answering her simple question.

“I used to come here with my mum. Usually just for special occasions but…” Eric’s jaw tightened for a split second, his hands releasing the napkin he’d picked up and instead sliding off the table and into his lap as he leaned back against his seat. But as he glanced up to Lizzie now it was clear she was waiting for him to finish his sentence and he was instantly regretting letting that second sentence slip. “…we started coming more when she stopped cooking.”

That was safe. He could just leave it at that. He didn't need to go into the details of how he used to come here just before closing to pick up dinner for the two of them, sometimes without knowing if she would even be home. Or coming here alone just to get away from her even though he often couldn’t even afford to buy a real meal.

But he should have just left it short and simple, instead he had let his mum invade their conversations yet again. She was the last thing he wanted to be talking about right now and yet with Christmas just around the corner she was all he could think about. And it seemed she was here to stay as Lizzie gently pressed on with a follow up question about his mother and cooking.

An audible sigh escaped him, almost as though he was tired of and annoyed with his own story. But Eric nodded, pushing his hair out of his face and lifting his head to face her as he spoke, ”Yeah, she used to cook a lot when I was little.”
And she had often involved him, teaching him how to safely use everything in the kitchen and preparing him to survive on his own as an adult later in life…neither of them ever anticipating that “later” would end up coming so early.

”Why did sh—” The way Lizzie cut herself off was almost as though she had answered herself before even asking and she quickly apologized afterwards as if she knew she shouldn’t be crossing into that subject. But looking at her Eric could practically see her mind turning and the questions jumping off the tip of her tongue to hide in the corner of her mouth. He knew whatever she wanted to ask would just eat at her if he didn’t give her the space to get it out. And besides, she had pointed it out herself and made it quite clear by now that she wanted him to be able to tell her things. She wanted to be trusted and included and had seen first hand how upsetting coming to Barking could be for him. Eric knew she would tread carefully in regards to his past, and so surely he could reward her gentle patience. He wanted to be able to tell her anything and everything. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to be cautious about what she said or how she reacted. It was just…right now of all times? Today? Here? In Barking? Just days before Christmas? This was when she was choosing to ask about his mother?

”No it’s alright…” He shifted in his seat now, settling in preparation for what he was about to do next, ”What do you want to know?”

There was a pause between them then. Lizzie trying to gauge if it was really okay to press on with her curiosity and Eric steeling himself for the topic at hand. Her first question was the very one she had cut short, asking why his mother had stopped cooking. That was a reasonable thing to wonder considering how it was such an important part of his bonding with his mother and for her to then suddenly stop and they began ordering food. With their financial situation it would have been understandable to say that grocery shopping just became more expensive than ordering fast food, but that wasn’t exactly the reason in this case. She had stopped cooking because she stopped living. Not literally, not yet at least. But she allowed herself to shut down and turn to drugs rather than stay present to care for her son, ”She was hardly ever home…and when she was she was asleep.“

Just say it Eric. Just say your mother was too high to function and basically forgot you existed.

She had spent countless hours next door with Howard doing God knows what and honestly Eric would go days without seeing or hearing from her. And that was their normal. It never worried him when she was gone for a long time, in fact if anything it gave Eric a feeling of relief to not have her in the house. ”She couldn’t take care of herself anymore so it was just easier to eat out,” It had been hard on Eric, sacrificing his own time and happiness to take care of her. He had resented her for so many years, and he still did. She was the reason for all his troubles.

It had been Eric’s turn now to get lost in his thoughts, not realizing how much time had passed until Lizzie’s voice bravely broke the silence to press on with her next question and one that she must have been dying to ask for some time now: Was Howard responsible for her death?

”No,” The tiny little word slipped out without any hesitation and too quickly for Eric to even fully process what Lizzie was asking. No it wasn't Howard’s fault, or at least Eric didn't blame him for it. But he realized right away that that wasn’t the answer Lizzie had been expecting to hear and her confused expression only further confirmed that leading Eric to quickly try and take it back with a different approach, “What do you mean?”

It was obvious that Lizzie chose her next words very carefully as she rephrased her question to instead ask whether his mum’s death had been drug related. Lizzie was sharp like that, picking up on subtle clues and tying everything together. But experience had taught her to never assume when it came to Eric, and so here she was trying to get the truth out of him while he was still offering to share it.

His gaze had dropped again, chewing at the inside of his lip in mild frustration as Lizzie’s question repeated in his head. Was it drug related? Of course that was what she wanted to know. He should have seen this coming. She had been concerned earlier in the car over whether he was involved in any of it, and so now here she was asking the same of his Mum. She had overdosed, it was as simple as that. It wasn’t like she died fighting cancer and giving it her all. She died giving up and leaving Eric all alone and with far too much responsibility for his young age, ”...yeah.”
His voice was soft, and anything Lizzie said next flew over his head while his eyes trained on the table between them as the image of his mum’s lifeless body played through his mind at the awakening of these memories. It wasn’t until Lizzie’s hand came into view that he blinked up to focus back on her. Her hand was stretched across the table towards him in an offer to take it and the comfort that would come from holding hands.

Eric didn’t accept her offer though, at least not in that moment. Instead his entire body moved as he scooted his chair around the table to sit beside her and it was then that his right hand found her left and slowly interlaced their fingers together under the table. His body was positioned inwards towards her, his knees grazing against hers as he melted into the comfort of her touch and presence. He just wanted to be close to her. As close as possible. If they weren't here in the restaurant he would have pulled her into his lap and buried his face in her neck just to breathe her in and relax.

He could have stopped there. Lizzie hadn’t pushed for any follow ups regarding what he had told her but something had been triggered in Eric as his low voice returned with more to say about his mother. It was almost as though he was trying to overwrite this intoxicated version of her that had become all anyone remembered of her. But whether he was sharing for Lizzie’s sake or his own he wasn’t sure. Eric’s mouth was moving on its own, still speaking slow as usual, but he had lost control over himself getting all wrapped up in the very subject he had been avoiding talking about for months.

But maybe it was actually because of what day it was, and where they were, that made it easier to talk today where previously he clamed up at the mere mention of his mother. She was so prominent in his thoughts that it wasn’t like he had to unbolt doors in his mind or drag her memory to the forefront of it. She was already there and so overbearingly painful that made these stories that he normally would have struggled to share, suddenly pale in comparison to how her death itself hurt him.

Eric spoke more of the restaurant they sat at, bringing up specific memories he had there. The happy ones, from when going out was still a special treat and not as a means of survival. Stories such as the time they were here for a celebratory dinner but when it came time for dessert the restaurant was all out treacle tart. Eric wasn’t a fussy kid and would have settled for an alternative, but that evening they left without dessert, went around the corner to the grocery store and his mum made treacle tart from scratch that very night.

While he spoke Lizzie had gradually pulled his hand closer, letting them rest in her lap and slipping between her legs under the table. But where a sexual nature could easily have taken over, instead the action and placement just embodied safety and closeness. Squeezing his hand gently when the server finally returned with their food and brought an end to his mother’s presence in their conversation. He didn’t bring her back up the rest of the time they were there. Talking about her so much after having not for years simultaneously brought on a feeling of weightlessness and complete dread. It was a relief to finally share these things with Lizzie, and to relive these happy memories he had nearly forgotten in all his years of grief. But his mum was still the last thing he wanted to talk about with it being so close to Christmas, so much so that he had lost what little appetite he’d had and struggled to get through his food compared to how ravenous Lizzie was.

He took a backseat finally, letting Lizzie steer the conversation away from how suffocating everything involving Barking seemed to be. But even though they weren’t actively discussing it anymore, Eric was still internally trying to balance processing his earlier interactions with Howard, being in Barking around his mum’s death anniversary and the upsetting confession Lizzie had pulled out of him. It was so much to handle at once and each time he thought his emotions were simmering down another would chime in making it hard to forget or move on.

Like how when they at last left the restaurant Eric was focusing his all back on Lizzie. He had mentioned wanting to take her somewhere before they left, and this was supposed to be entirely for her sake. It was a little bookstore just around the corner that he knew she would love. He just wanted to give her this little gift and the mental escape of being in a bookstore where her mind could wander amongst the ink and paper of every page. But when they turned the corner, hand in hand as usual, Eric found himself slowing down to a near stop.

There was the grocery store he had mentioned before, and across the street was the bookstore they were heading to. But directly in front of them stood a Starbucks, beige and black and green and standing out like a sore thumb to Eric who in all his twenty five years of life had never seen this particular location. He couldn’t hide the sharp inhale he took, feeling a physical pressure looming over him from across the street.

”That’s new,” He hadn’t exactly meant to say that outloud, but he couldn’t take it back now as Lizzie inquired about his comment, ”...there used to be a flower shop there,” He gestured across to where Starbucks stood tall and commanding.

There was no telling when it had gone out of business, after all Eric never ventured out here anymore despite his near biweekly Barking trips. He always just went straight to and from Howard’s and hadn’t explored the surrounding city since he had lived here—well, stayed here as he had technically been homeless at the time.

His thumb subconsciously rubbed over the back of Lizzie’s hand, his feet glued in place and his eyes watching on as a woman opened the door to step out onto the sidewalk with her morning coffee in hand. Eric honestly didn’t know what would have been harder, to have had to pass by the flower shop or to stand here now and see that it was gone. Gone. Everything was. It felt like he was forever stuck in the past while the rest of the world moved on all around him, ”I—”

Lizzie hadn’t tried to keep walking yet despite the bookstore they were trying to reach being in sight. She stood quietly, waiting for her boyfriend to return to the present; it was a skill she had unfortunately near perfected at this point. Eric however suddenly turned in towards her, his height towering over her leaving his eyes easily trailing around at the other buildings behind her as though expecting to find more changes to his hometown.

It wasn’t that the flower shop itself was difficult to handle, but the culmination of the past couple hours left this as his final straw—his breaking point—he wanted to go home. And he proceeded to ask if they could. Lizzie of course agreed, why wouldn’t she? She had thought they were leaving as soon as his drop off was over. Staying in Barking as long as they had was purely because Eric had wanted to, or at least had made it seem like he did.

They turned together, still hand in hand, away from the ghost of the flower shop and without ever making it inside the bookstore. Eric was quiet as they walked back towards the car, gripping Lizzie’s hand tightly while internally he fought between complete emotional exhaustion and a deep set loathing rage. They were almost at the car when Lizzie tried to speak, softly calling to him to ensure he was actually listening before saying whatever it was she had thought up during the walk of silence. Only in typical Eric fashion, he cut her off before she could get another word out.

”My mum used to work there,” Lizzie hadn’t asked. In fact she probably hadn’t even intended to pursue uncovering whatever it was that had frozen him in time earlier. But Eric was impulsive, predictable, and terrified to leave anything unsaid between them. With everything that they had been through because of him, it felt like he had to tell her. Like he had to come clean every time something came up. He literally couldn’t help himself, the words just blurted out, ”...until she couldn’t hold down a job anymore,” Gone was the reminiscent tone he had had while sharing happy childhood memories, he was back to the cold detachment that usually took over whenever his mother was brought up.

Eric took a pause to breathe, reining himself back in as best he could as they had reached the car finally, but his voice still gave him away as he continued on, ”...she always loved flowers—I used to bring them home after she lost her job but she—” His voice was strained and taking on an air of “how could I have been so stupid”; shouldering the blame along with the rest of the baggage that weighed him down. He wouldn’t finish that sentence though. He didn’t need to. It was obvious enough that flowers alone would never have been able to salvage their relationship. But still he had brought them home time and time again because as high as she was, seeing his mum light up over the flowers she loved was sometimes the closest he could get to having her back.
​

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[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122418-----------❖ LOCATION — common room-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Lizzie stared intently at Eric’s hand throughout the drive back home. The way it was pressed snuggly between her legs and the occasional times he would squeeze her right thigh were the only things that could distract her from the heavy thoughts in her head. Nothing about this trip felt right. Then again, did she really think that it would be? This was Barking after all. Despite Eric sharing happier memories about his mother or growing up there, there was still that dark cloud hovering above the town. A part of her was unsure whether or not that dark cloud would ever go away, no matter how many happy stories she was told.

Eric squeezed the inner part of her thigh again. It was a firmer squeeze and honestly it hurt for a split second, but it was only because she hadn’t been focusing on it at that very moment. She turned to look back down at his hand, watching as it traveled a little further up. In response, she slipped her hand around his arm then gently held onto his wrist. She now distracted herself by brushing her thumb across the small cross tattoo; focusing all of her attention on the ink on his skin and ensuring that he would always feel her presence there with him.

It didn’t take her long to figure out that he was trying to keep whatever thoughts he had from pulling him away. There was no doubt in Lizzie’s mind that this morning’s drop off was no different than the others. The constant dread he must feel driving to and from Howard’s place and then leaving with nothing but the painful memories of his past. How did he manage all these drives back? What did he do to keep from getting pulled away? Focus on the drive home? Even Lizzie, who rarely drove, knew how easy it was to zone out during a drive that was familiar and routine. How often had his thoughts moved to the front of his mind as the rest of it went into autopilot down the highway? What did he do to refocus away from the pain? Did he squeeze the steering wheel instead? Or, did he just let the thoughts take control of him?

Lizzie didn’t have the right words to say. Honestly, there wasn’t much she could say. She wondered if she should apologize for making him take her to Barking. Perhaps if she hadn’t come he would have left that town sooner. As she pulled her phone from under her leg to check the time, she pondered over how he would have been home with her already, safe in their warm bed. Instead they were still clinging to any ounce of warmth the poor car heater could blow out while the road outside was dim and wet. It’s okay though. They would be home soon. Maybe then Lizzie would have a better idea how she could remedy all of this.

When they finally made it back to the flat, Lizzie watched as Eric slipped past her from the front door then down the hallway to the bathroom. He mentioned needing to pee. She sighed, watching his back get smaller until it disappeared behind the bathroom door. His voice was just as small as earlier when he finally asked if they could go home. He hadn’t said anything else until right now.

She waited for him in their bedroom. While the space heater did its best to warm up the tiny space, she stripped off the multiple layers she had on then changed back into the clothes she wore to bed last night. She just tossed her bra over the back of her desk chair when she heard the door open. From the edge of their bed, she quietly watched Eric slip inside. Her heart sank as she watched his face. He still had that defeated expression from when he saw the Starbucks that apparently replaced the flower shop his mother used to work at.

Was it even worth it to ask how he was doing? The question weighed heavily on her tongue as she watched him drop his jacket on top of hers on the desk chair. Each time she tried to pluck up the courage to ask, that courage fell short and the words slid back down her throat. “Here,” was all she could say as she handed him the shirt and sweatpants he wore last night. Nothing else was said while he changed.

Despite the lack of words between them, they knew they could always rely on their constant need for physical contact to say all that was difficult to express. The intimacy between them was enough. Lizzie wasn’t even aware as her arms extended out toward Eric while he walked over to join her on the bed. He hadn’t even completely dropped onto the bed as he accepted her invitation and pulled her onto his lap. It felt almost like a dance the way Lizzie let him lead the position change. However he wanted her, she wouldn’t resist. As he pressed her closer to his chest, she adjusted so that at least most of her was facing him while her legs stretched out on the bed on one side of him. She instinctively tilted her head to the side so that he could press his face into her neck and shoulder. She just knew this was exactly what he needed from her.

There was no determining how much time passed in this position. Lizzie long ago abandoned her phone to charge on the bedside table while she focused solely on Eric. Honestly, she had no complaints. And it looked like Eric didn’t either. Although, Eric still hadn’t said anything since they got home. So whether or not he actually did mind this or would rather be in another position, he didn’t give any further indication. It would be up to her to make that decision for them.

She did, of course. Even if being on his lap was comfortable enough for the both of them, surely actually being in bed while they recovered from such a heavily depressing trip would be better.

“Hey,” she said in a soft whisper. She pulled away gently, untangling a hand from his hair to place above one of his currently around her waist. Once he was looking at her, she continued. “Let’s get back into bed, yeah? It’ll be warmer under the covers. And maybe you can take a quick nap before work?”

Perhaps she could have omitted the work part of her last statement. While the nap suggestion must have sounded like a good idea to Eric, she caught the brief flash of disappointment on his face when she reminded him that he would have to go to work in a few hours. Not that this surprised Lizzie. After everything he went through in Barking and bringing her along with him, doing anything outside of leaving the flat must be unbearable.

But that was what strengthened Lizzie’s resolve to remedy the hurt this trip brought on. She would feel so terrible knowing that she was at home all day while her boyfriend was at work trying to hold back all the emotional pain from this morning.

After getting off the bed, Lizzie pulled the edge of their blanket away and shot Eric a look inviting him to climb in first. He did, but he also very quickly reached out a hand to her to pull her with him. She complied, climbing in right behind him and pulling the covers over them right up to their chins. Under the covers, she felt Eric go straight to work bringing them back together. His strong arms served as the glue that kept them together as they wrapped so tightly around her waist and pulled her chest to his. His face returned to the very spot it was earlier; nudged against her neck and shoulder. Lizzie then wrapped her arms around his shoulders, one hand rubbing his back while the other played with his hair.

His heavy silence, but constant need for physical contact–her physical contact–had Lizzie worried. But the way he reacted to the loss of the flower shop and then the drive home told her that her free pass for Q&A was over. Even if it was just to ask if he was doing better. It wasn’t that she was scared to ask. It was more so that she trusted their system more than her own personal need to get verbal confirmation from him. The previous drop offs taught her that all he needed was this very moment to come down from the trip and all the bad feelings that came home with him. He just needed to be with her and to feel her touch.

And time. That was the most important. He needed time not spent answering her pressing questions to re-center and return to her and their little bubble.

As upsetting as this whole thing was, Lizzie also found a kind of calm in the midst of their cuddling. She could only guess what storms were running through her love’s head right now, but her singular focus on helping him recover from this morning kept her own mind quiet. It allowed her to focus on the silent serenity of their tiny bedroom and his steady breathing, warm against her neck. She concentrated on the fabric of his shirt and his long, soft hair under her fingertips. While Eric’s world seemed to once more crumble because of Barking and Howard and the painful memories of his mother, Lizzie’s world revolved only around him and his well-being. She wanted so badly for him to come back to her.

After some time, she noticed Eric’s steady breathing and chest falls slowing down. She pulled her head back far enough to look down at his face. Sure enough, he had fallen asleep. And just like that, Lizzie felt her own exhaustion. She knew she had done her job for him. With one gentle kiss on his forehead, she placed her head back on the pillow and fell asleep as well.

It was her phone that woke them up about an hour later. Before she abandoned it on her bedside, Lizzie set up an alarm to go off an hour before Eric needed to leave for work. A safety measure just in case they went back to sleep, but couldn’t wake up on their own. Lizzie immediately felt the protest against her as she stirred awake and tried to wiggle out of Eric’s embrace enough to switch onto her other side to turn off the alarm. Not even the annoying blares of her phone could convince Eric to release her. But she soon convinced him to loosen his hold on her long enough to turn off the phone, but only long enough to turn it off. As soon as the blaring alarm stopped, she was immediately pulled back into his embrace. As if to make sure he kept her there, she felt his hands slip under her shirt to rest right at the small of her back; their usual spot.

“Are you feeling better?” she asked as she returned to the task of rubbing his back. Before he could even answer, she saw it clear as day on his face. He was getting there.

Their time in bed after their short nap was not as serene as earlier, at least to Lizzie. That is not to say that she wasn’t enjoying it. If anything she really wished they could spend all day together in bed, just like this. Unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen. The thought that he needed to get ready for work weighed over her as a distraction. She knew that if she didn’t press him enough, he would decide to just skip work just to stay here. But she knew–they both knew–that wouldn’t be a good idea….

“Did you wanna eat something before you go?” Lizzie asked after Eric returned from the bathroom, now dressed in his work uniform. She moved back to her spot at the edge of the bed from earlier. His jacket was now spread out right beside her. “Or maybe we can stop by the cafe together? Get you a tea and pastry for the road?” Even without saying it out loud, they were both aware she had every intention of paying. For one thing, that was their agreement now. For another, it wasn’t like he actually had a choice in the matter.

“I was actually thinking about staying there for a couple hours?” she continued as she watched him put on his shoes. “It’s gonna be hella lonely here in the flat. And quiet too, I guess? So I figured I could, like, do my work reading there in the company of the employees and their work noises.”

It didn’t take her long to change and pack her work stuff. There was still a comfortable amount of time left before Eric had to actually leave for work and make it there in time, so neither of them felt entirely rushed. While Eric carried both of their things–he insisted–Lizzie went to work locking the front door then leading them down the walkway back onto the sidewalk in the direction of the cafe. All the while they held each other’s hand to keep their needed physical contact.

It was mostly Lizzie that spoke during their short walk down the street to the cafe. She talked about what she planned to do today while he was at work, which was mostly just trying to get as much reading down as possible. With the holidays just days away, she doubted she would have the time or the attention span to consider doing any kind of work. How her internship thought this was a good idea was beyond her. She also mentioned to Eric that she was waiting for a call from her sister, Jane. But that wouldn’t be until later in the evening. Apparently, Lizzie further explained to Eric, their dad had suggested a Facetime call on Christmas Day with the rest of the family since she wasn’t going home this week. “Although, to be honest, I’m kinda more waiting for either Jane or Lacey to let me know when Marie gets dropped off. She or my dad is gonna be dog sitting while Lacey and Aiden are in Colby.”

Considering it was both Sunday and still fairly early for lunch, the only people that were in the cafe when they entered were the employees. Lizzie figured this had something to do with the weather. Ever since they left Barking, the rain has not let up. The best they got, if not a few minutes pause, was a drizzle.

Having made herself quite the regular at the cafe, Lizzie was immediately greeted by one of the employees she recognized. When asked if she was getting her usual, Lizzie smiled and nodded, but asked for a couple minutes while she waited for Eric to decide what he wanted to order. This, of course, encouraged her to attempt to convince him to get more than a pastry for the commute to work. She recommended that Eric also pick out maybe a sandwich or another entree item on the menu. “You don’t have to eat it now, if you’re not feeling it. But at least you can have something to eat later on your break.” Even Eric couldn’t argue with that logic, although he still looked like he was working on refusing the offer. But in the end, he opted for one of the sandwiches he typically ordered.

They took a seat at their usual table next to the window while waiting for their order. Unlike the walk to the cafe, they didn’t talk much. It was mostly Eric quietly watching Lizzie as she set up her work station. Every so often, she would feel his hand brush across her shoulders or her back, or feel his other hand either rub or squeeze her thigh under the table. She never said anything knowing this was his way of coping with the fact that they were going to be apart for the rest of the day soon. She would never deny him any opportunity to touch her.

Lizzie had just opened her manuscript to start reading when she caught one of the employees walking right up to them with their order. As instructed, they put all of Eric’s items in takeaway containers. His sandwich was even placed in a bag for him. This was their cue that he needed to leave for work. Even though they weren’t even doing anything together together, Lizzie was now finding it difficult to watch him leave. So when he prolonged his caresses and touches long after their food was brought over, she didn’t complain.

But they both knew that he had to leave eventually. It was Eric that made the first move as he packed away his sandwich in his backpack. Meanwhile Lizzie stared at the pastry bag and takeaway cup of hot tea he would be consuming during his commute to the city.

“Text me when you get to work,” she reminded him before he collected his things to leave. She watched him turn to look at her, their eyes immediately finding each other. Without hesitation, they leaned into each other for a long, sweet kiss. Because after everything that happened, it didn’t escape her that this was the first time they have kissed today.

Sundays for Lizzie should be routine now. She should be used to having Sundays nearly all to herself. She should be used to keeping herself occupied with work reading to pass the time. But she wasn’t. Sundays for Lizzie were honestly not her favorite. And this particular Sunday was just the worst.

At least in the beginning…

She did manage to make a decent dent on her work assignments while she was at the cafe, but it was only because she needed the distraction to tackle her struggles of missing Eric so much. The time she had to wait until he could text her that he was at the hotel was honestly brutal. Even for a Sunday, she couldn’t believe the half hour commute could feel so long. It was only because she focused on reading that she managed to contain her impatience waiting for his text to come in.

She stayed at the cafe a little longer than she initially planned, but this was mostly because the rain fell heavier just as she made the decision to head back home. The rain wouldn’t stop until late in the afternoon. By then Lizzie had two coffees in her system and wasn’t feeling in the mood to sit at a table for much longer.

Back at the flat, Lizzie kept herself occupied with house chores in-between her constant reading. First she started hers and Eric’s laundry, making camp in the laundry room for a cycle while she finished the last of the manuscript she had been reading since the cafe. When she couldn’t patiently wait for the dryer to finish while reading another manuscript, she focused on tidying up her bedroom. Not that it was actually a mess. Just a little unkempt around her desk area and some loose clothing items hanging around various parts of her side of the room. By the time she could no longer think of any other chores she could complete, Lizzie set up camp in the common room to begin the evening process of waiting for Eric to come home from work…even though there were still hours until he was officially off.

Lizzie’s Sunday only became interesting once her eldest sister called. As promised, their call was over Facetime so that Lizzie could see her dog again; say hello and make sure that Marie still remembered her. Of course she did, but it never hurt her dog mom pride to watch her fur baby show physical excitement upon seeing her even over a screen. It was only Jane that she spoke to during that call since everyone wasn’t scheduled to start arriving back home in Carmel until tomorrow. Jane, as always, was the first to arrive to help their dad with the grocery shopping and the house cleaning.

The remainder of their Facetime call was spent working out the best time for them or Lizzie to call on Christmas Day. By now, Lizzie was well accustomed to calculating the time difference between London and California and was quick to offer the best times to call that could work for everyone and would occur on Christmas Day. This, however, led her sister to pause their scheduling momentarily to inquire about her own plans for Christmas. “Are you gonna be doing anything with your roommates?” she asked.

Lizzie shook her head then explained that her flatmates weren’t actually going to be home for Christmas; that the girls had gone home to their families and the boys were on their trip.

This earned Lizzie a quizzical look from her sister. “Well, if everyone isn’t even going to be in the flat, why didn’t you just go home as well?” Lizzie tried to respond to this by offering the excuse that she did have work related things keeping her in London, but when Jane asked if she was working during the week between Christmas and New Year, she felt herself being cornered.

“I’m not going to be spending Christmas alone in the flat!” Lizzie defended. “Eric is also here.”

The silent pause from Jane was almost uncomfortable. Even over a phone screen, her eldest sister’s ability to give her the look was intimidating.

“It’s just you and Eric? Alone? In that house?” Jane asked. Lizzie simply nodded. “The whole week?” Another nod.

Suddenly, a weird smile spread across her sister’s lips. Lizzie didn’t like that. The only other sister that ever looked like that was Izzy and, well, she could be such a menace when it appeared. Lizzie found herself preparing for whatever sisterly ridicule was about to be thrown at her.

“Well, I hope you make good use of those condoms we left you, then. Remember what I always say.” Lizzie’s face burned. The last thing she wanted to consider outside the fact that her sisters bought the box of condoms in the first place, was her sister thinking about her having sex. “You are being careful, right?”

“Of course!” Lizzie couldn’t help feeling offended. With a sister like Jane Darcy, the unofficial mother of the Darcy sisters, the last thing she wanted to do was have unprotected sex and be forced to tell her about it.

The conversation about Lizzie’s sexual activity with Eric didn’t stop there. From this point onward, Jane Darcy not only spoke to her as her sister, but apparently as a doctor.

Lizzie kept almost all of her responses to Jane’s questions short and sometimes rather vague. When she asked about the last time she and Eric had sex, Lizzie simply told her it was last week. Protected? Yes. Then she asked if they plan to have sex soon and/or frequently. Lizzie, practically dying now, only offered her a shrug. “I mean, it’s not like we’re actually planning each time we do it, Jane! Sure we live in a full house, but I feel like we can still just give into the mood.”

That was enough of a response to begin what Lizzie could already tell was Jane’s purpose for the 20 Questions.

“So are you considering birth control then? Last I remember, we had talked about you getting on them once you and Brandon were active, but then…” But then she and Brandon broke up and Lizzie just didn’t see the point. Of course, Jane didn’t need to know that last detail. If it were all up to her sister, Lizzie would have gotten on the pill even after she and Brandon broke up. Always the warrior for being safe.

Lizzie cleared her throat. “I, uh, wasn’t. I mean, we only just started sleeping together.” She really did not want to have this kind of conversation right now. But Jane was relentless. She was quick to bring up all the reasons why it was wise for her to get on the pill and soon: being so far from home, London being such a temporary situation, being a sexually active young woman with a boyfriend.

“Stop blushing. I’ve seen your boyfriend. And I’ve seen how you two are together. Why else did I insist on the condoms? But it won’t kill you to be just a little extra safe. Eric seems the type that respects you, worships you even, but things can happen when you give into the mood.” Lizzie really wanted to just hang up this call and die of embarrassment. She couldn’t stop the absolute dread imagining Jane repeating this very conversation to the rest of their sisters later.

In an effort to stop this entire conversation from continuing any further, Lizzie promised Jane that she would look into getting on the pill. Her sister wasn’t particularly pleased with her choice of words, but for now it would have to do. After they finally scheduled when they could have the Christmas call, Jane mentioned that she would call her back after the holidays to follow up on that “looking into”.

For the rest of the evening, Lizzie avoided any thoughts about Jane’s suggestion that she get on the pill. She would worry about that another time. Not when she’s about to spend the holidays with her boyfriend. The last thing she wanted to happen over Christmas was for him to pick up on it and she would be forced to tell him. So after leaving a reminder on her phone to maybe schedule an appointment with a physician, she put away the whole birth control dilemma then returned to distracting her mind with more reading.

It should be noted that despite her desperate efforts to make Sunday fly by, Lizzie wasn’t without Eric’s attention. They, of course, sent messages during his breaks and lunch. It was during these times that Lizzie practically dropped everything she was doing to give him all of her attention. Despite the still low energy he had when he left for work earlier, Lizzie did notice through their messages that he was feeling much better. But when she tried to get any further information out of him about his shift in mood, he was…oddly hush hush about the full details. It was strange, there was no doubt about it. But honestly Lizzie was just so glad he was recovering well from all that happened that morning that she figured she could get more details out of him once they were reunited.

By the time Eric returned home, Lizzie was deep into the manuscript she was reading and on her second glass of wine. Had she known this book was actually going to be good, she would have read this all day. Of course, if she hadn’t been enjoying this book so much, she might have heard the front door open and Eric’s footsteps coming closer. It wasn’t until she felt as if someone was watching her did she look up from the pages.

The very sight of her love at the double doors brought the brightest smile on her face. Or, maybe the wine had some involvement? Regardless of whether it was purely love or influenced by alcohol, Lizzie was quick to put her book and glass back down on the coffee table and rise from the couch.

At the very same time, Eric took the large steps he needed to close the remaining space between them. “Hi!” she greeted, extending her arms out to him. “Welcome home!”

The force of their reunion had Lizzie needing to take a quick step back to ensure she wouldn’t cause them to fall. The energy radiating out of Eric was far different from when he left and it was both jolting and exciting. Regardless, she fed off this energy as she reached up to return his kiss.

It was the eagerness and intensity of his kiss that caused them to fall onto the couch. Lizzie’s giggles were all that filled the space between them until they were replaced by soft moans. If it weren’t for Eric’s weight pressing her down to Earth, his kiss would have her practically floating. But what couldn’t save her was how much she melted under his touch. She felt his hands travel under her shirt and stretch across her back. They were still so cold from having just been outside, but even then it felt like such a rush that only made her body feel warmer.

Finally, it was time to come up for air. Lizzie let her head fall back onto the throw pillow as she let out a long exhale. She was still smiling from ear to ear and living on the high their reunion was giving her. “You know,” she started, her tone teasing, “I was going to ask if you wanted a glass so that we can unwind before going to bed, buuuuut I don’t mind this plan either.” She met his gaze now and immediately melted from the intensity in his eyes.

Lizzie reached a hand up to comb his hair out of his face. “I’m so happy you’re home, baby.” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122418-----------❖ LOCATION — their bed-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

“Are you sure? Don’t you work on Wednesday?”
Eric was having a hard time ignoring the surprised look his coworker had given him when he approached to ask about switching shifts. He had a bit of a reputation with his work ethic and it was well known that he never called out until the past couple months at least, was cheated of proper days off because of how overnight shifts left him with just enough time before and after to feel as though he had a free day, and that he was always the first to volunteer for extra shifts and overtime. So it was very unlike him to now try and change his Christmas day shift, especially on such short notice, when normally he would be the one tacking on everyone else’s to his own schedule.

He did appreciate that his coworker had his wellbeing in mind though and was concerned about him working a double shift back to back with no time in between. Especially the fact that one of them was an overnight. It wasn’t like he would be working 7am to midnight and following decent daylight hours that would be easier on his body. But with the shift he was asking for he would be working 11pm until 4pm the next day and that was downright brutal, ”Maybe Lisa,” the acting manager while their actual one was on holiday, ”Will let you come in later so you can go home and rest in between. “

That actually hadn’t even crossed his mind as a possibility till now but it really wasn’t a bad idea. It still took some more convincing on his part though to get his coworker to fully commit to switching shifts. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to, just that they kept insisting how hard it would be on him working those hours without break.

Eric’s next battle was with Lisa as he went to her for permission to switch shifts and she too pointed out the insanity in his request, ”What if I just come in a few hours later?”
She didn’t seem particularly impressed with this plan, feeling that those few hours wouldn’t be enough for him to recover and he would end up working himself to death, but she promised she’d look over the schedule and get back to him in an hour or so. And then from there it was a torturous countdown until he could return home. He wanted to tell Lizzie the second his schedule was approved but more than anything he wanted to see her face when he told her, which had his fingertips itching the rest of his shift fighting himself to not give in and text her his surprise.

It had been Eric's intention to share his Christmas miracle with Lizzie the second he got to the flat that night, however once actually in the common room and with her back in his sights the importance of his shift change completely slipped his mind. His good news was nothing compared to how badly he needed to feel her against him after having been separated for so many hours. As such he only just barely managed to get a small greeting out before he wrapped himself around Lizzie, not even remotely aware of how thankful he should be that the flat was empty to even allow him to be so physically expressive with his love.

At the mention of wine, Eric’s eyes should have flickered over to her abandoned glass on the coffee table. But instead he stared unwaveringly down at her, taking in every feature and fine detail of her face. The light flush to her cheeks and the perfect smile with her lips slightly parted as she caught her breath after how insistent he had been at taking it from her. The way said breath hitched when his fingers ran over all the right places along her skin and her head tilted as she spoke at just the right angle, surrounded by her beautiful hair spread out on the pillow in its natural state. Was she aware of what she was doing to him? Was she doing this on purpose?

A glass of wine did sound nice right about now after what a long and exhausting day he’d had. But Eric, further fueled by the way she was looking back at him now, couldn't agree more with her. Now that he was already on her with her skin beneath his fingertips, there was nothing that could convince him to move and burst their bubble world, “That's alright love, I’ll just finish yours…”

He leaned back in to kiss her; short and sweetly, gentle and lovingly—but then pulling back oh so slowly so as to see her face again and smirking at the way her expression was asking why he had stopped, “I missed you.“

When he dove back in, his kiss was deeply intimate. The faint taste of her wine was still on her tongue, but honestly Eric just craved her. Lizzie herself was far more intoxicating than any alcohol and he couldn't get enough of her, yet simultaneously she was extremely sobering in the way she grounded him without even trying. His own heavy breaths had synced up with hers and while his heart rate had spiked in excitement, it was still steady and strong, not racing away with his mind or fluttering with anxieties the way it so often did.

Eric hadn’t just missed her, he had missed this. With the way they were acting you would think they hadn’t seen each other in days, when in fact they had been together all morning. Only, it hadn’t felt like Lizzie had been there with him—or rather Eric was the one who hadn’t been present. This morning was such a heavy blur, and while he did remember it all, it sort of just felt like it was all a hazy dream and left Eric with this deep and desperate longing sensation that had him grinding against her in an attempt to get even closer. After feeling like such separate entities all day, now he wanted to be one with her. But crushing her with his lips and pinning her down beneath him just wasn’t enough. He needed to be closer—he wanted more.

He needed to be out of his suffocating uniform so that he could feel her hands on his bare skin. But he couldn’t do this while still joined at the lips. She was simply too distracting and addictive for him to focus on his task at hand so long as his tongue could taste her kiss; he needed an alternative. So while peppering kisses down to her neck, one of his hands released her to slip between them to fumble with his belt and tug his dress shirt from the confines of his pants.

Lizzie must have felt him struggling as she quickly joined in to help him get comfortable. Together they not only managed to undo his belt and free his shirt but also shrugged his heavy outerwear to the floor. However after those successes her hands seemed to almost retreat. Surely she wasn't leaving him intentionally. She must have had some other objective still in mind such as perhaps she had wanted to unbutton his shirt, especially those at his neck. That would make sense seeing as how they already had addressed his lower half. And any other time Eric wouldn't have minded and would let her do as she wanted. He would have accepted anything from Lizzie. But right now he knew exactly what he wanted and he was quick to grab her wrist and lead her hand back down between them, silently—well, maybe not so silently but he wasn’t using actual words—asking her to touch him. Eric had braced himself up so that he was no longer flush against her, giving Lizzie just enough space for her slim hands to move around. Then after releasing hers, his own hand then moved to slide up under the front of her shirt, pushing the fabric up at his wrist until her front was almost exposed, just barely still covered by the time his hand found the softness of her breast. Lizzie had already made short work of the button to his pants.

With the way the both of them were so single mindedly focused on one another, neither really seemed to be thinking through what they were doing beyond just what felt good in the moment, and the moment ended up lasting a good while. Eric’s thoughts were gone. Barking was long forgotten, all the hours separated from Lizzie too. All he was thinking of was how his very heart was singing with how good she made him feel. And how all he wanted was to keep her sweet voice in his ear, his own sounds answering hers.

It was when Lizzie’s hand finally slipped out of his pants, brushing against his now exposed abdomen that his muscles contracted ever so slightly with a tingling sensation running up his spine as though caught by surprise to feel her against him. His grip on her had tightened while the tiniest of gasps escaped him, pulling him off from where he had been decorating the skin of her chest with new love bites. But just as quickly as the uncomfortable feeling had come, it now passed, leaving him almost craving its return.

His breath bounced back in his face against her as he redirected his attention up towards her face, making eye contact as his hand ran through her hairline to keep the brown locks from obstructing his view. His breathing was on the heavy side, but there was contentedness to it as he simply watched her, taking in how his love glowed. Eric’s arms had resumed holding her tight, and while his body was still pressed against her, he now shifted out of their previous positioning and settled into one more comfortable for couch cuddles where they would stay for a little while longer with only soft murmurs, gentle touches and sweet kisses exchanged between them.

Time was lost on the happy couple. With no one else home there was no social or peer pressure to stay quiet or hide away in their room till they fell asleep in each others arms. Instead the lights were still on despite it being past midnight, and Eric was still in his uniform as though savoring the remainder of the day and procrastinating tomorrow from arriving. Well, that might have normally been his reasoning. But tonight he was just lazy and too comfortable pressed between Lizzie and the couch. Tonight he had no reason to draw out their time together to the absolute longest he could manage. Because he knew that for once tomorrow wouldn’t rip them apart. Tomorrow he wouldn’t wake up with the dreaded countdown of the hours until he had to leave for work. Tomorrow he would be able to sleep in and stay home with the love of his life completely uninterrupted without it being due to a fever or hangover. Tomorrow he—Eric had to hold his breath so as to hear and concentrate on Lizzie’s words as she quietly suggested they get ready for bed now since he’d had a long day. But rather than agree or protest against her, Eric instead went a different route, ”Can I give you an early Christmas present?”

Now it was Lizzie’s turn to pause and process what he’d said as she clearly hadn’t been expecting that as his answer. But her initial hesitance wasn’t lost on Eric, and in fact if anything he appreciated it. He himself didn’t like receiving gifts, or rather they were difficult for him to accept. And it was just as hard for him to give his own—financially that is. And then adding in the fine print about how dedicated he was to only opening presents on Christmas day…but she already knew he had this complicated relationship with presents. And so while she paused as though to be sure she heard him correctly, it was just a second later that Lizzie’s curiosity kicked in and she seemed to sit up straight in excitement which in turn caused Eric to freeze up ever so briefly. He hadn’t meant to get her hopes up. After all this wasn’t really a present…but he fought and won against his internalized anxieties and held his tongue against warning her not to expect much. Instead he reached out to touch her and let his thumb caressing over her skin give him the strength to finally tell her the secret he’d been holding onto all evening and had honestly forgotten to share with how distracting it was being with her, ”I don’t have to go to work tomorrow,” her silence continued, now trying to process what he was telling her, ”I uhm, someone agreed to trade shifts with me. So I’ll be home tomorrow, and I’ll work Tuesday night instead.”

After the joy of this surprise died down, and a couple more kisses later, they were back to sitting on the couch only now buzzing with excitement at the prospect of what this would mean for them. They were spending Christmas together. Together and more importantly alone. But Eric grew visibly quiet as Lizzie asked what they should do tomorrow now that they had the entire day to themselves.

Of course she wanted to plan her day, he should have seen this coming. But Eric had been so wrapped up in his head over getting to stay home with her that he was completely blinded to the fact that meant they would need things to do to pass the time. Because his girlfriend was Lizzie Darcy and there was no way she’d settle for staying in bed the next two days, ”What do you usually do for Christmas?”

It hadn’t slipped his mind that Lizzie had scheduled a call with her family back home so as to be able to see them for Christmas. And the guilt that was eating at him knowing that she chose him over them was leaving him a little anxious for tomorrow now that they were actually discussing it. He wanted so badly to make it up to her and to follow along with any traditions that the Darcy family had, but there was still a shadow of doubt over the back of his mind that wondered if switching his shift had been a bad idea. Eric had wanted to be with her, he didn’t want her here home alone on Christmas. But hearing her talk about Christmas with the Darcys had him feeling like he was now going to be interrupting her family time by physically being here while she would mentally and emotionally be across the pond in California with her loved ones. The ones who had known her her entire life and had celebrated every Christmas with her.

Who did he think he was intruding on that…

As glad as he was that she had chosen to spend her holidays with him, he was well aware how different this must all feel for her. There was no bustling house full of everyone she knew and loved. It was just the cold, empty flat and him. No one was slaving away in the kitchen, they were probably just going to order out or eat leftovers since Malcolm wasn’t here. The flat was barely decorated compared to how he imagined her childhood home to be—or wherever it was she went for Christmas. And the flat’s presents were only arranged in the common room because Diana had insisted on it.

All in all this must be so far from everything she expected of the holidays. At least she was going to be able to talk to her family tomorrow, as much as Eric wanted her all to himself, he knew she needed her family. So he was glad she had an alternative so that hopefully the distance wouldn’t be too hard on her. But now he was also trying so hard to banish the fact that this time next year he would be the one celebrating Christmas with her through a screen.

Right…?

Eric swallowed the lump of uncertainty about his future—their future— as he forced himself to tune back into her voice. He had interlaced their hands, his fingers trailing against her thigh where they rested as Lizzie spoke of past Christmases. She wasn’t going into great detail or really even of specific memories. She spoke loosely, almost a little vaguely even as though she understood the inner workings of her audience. But by the end they were both in agreeance that Christmas dinner would be something of her normal that they could recreate here at the flat. Obviously it wouldn’t be quite as large as what it would take to feed the Darcy family, but just the simple fact of eating a meal together on Christmas Eve was what was important. Because also how often did they even get to eat dinner together on a weekly basis? There was no ignoring the fact that a large portion of their meals were more so Lizzie just making sure he was fed after a long day and she would maybe snack alongside him.

Following that train of thought it seemed to suddenly dawn on her that since he got home they hadn’t moved from the couch when normally by now Eric would have eaten, changed and likely be in bed or getting ready for it at least. Lizzie put her foot down now, the cuddles had been great but they were getting put on pause until she saw to it that her boyfriend’s basic needs were taken care of. So while Eric went to finally change out of his uniform, she would fix him something to eat before they went to bed.

Before getting up, Eric first did up his pants just enough that they wouldn't slide off him during the short walk between the couch and their bedroom. He then leaned forward to pick up Lizzie’s long abandoned wine glass and finally finished off the last bit for her, but when asked if he wanted his own glass now that they were getting up he declined the offer. It was so late now, not that that had ever stopped him before, but it just felt like the moment was gone. It would be one thing to share a glass with her and stay up together, but at this point he just wanted to eat and get in bed as the tired was kicking in.

In true Lizzie fashion, by the time Eric reamerged from their room in his comfy night clothes she had already scoped out the contents of the kitchen, deduced they didn’t have much to work with and was leaning against the island as she surfed the internet on her phone in search of easy Christmas dinner recipes they would be able to pull off without having to be in the kitchen all day tomorrow doing prep work.

As Eric moved to sit down his arm wrapped around Lizzie’s tiny waist to pull her between his legs, both so he could better see her screen as he inquired as to what she was looking at, and then the more obvious fact that he just wanted to keep her close. He fell quiet as he ate, just listening as she explained her thought process thus far and how she hadn’t found anything yet, ”It’s late,” His fingers brushing against the skin of her stomach was so second nature he wasn’t even aware of it now, his head leaning against her shoulder, ”Why don’t we just figure it out tomorrow?”

Lizzie agreed but Eric watched as she still clicked into another webpage and casually scrolled through professionally staged photos of meals. He took another bite of his own food, but chewing slower now as the wheels in his head turned, his eyes on her delicately tattooed fingers and wanting so badly to find a way to make it up to her that this Christmas would be so different, ”I…”

He trailed off, sort of unsure whether or not he wanted to actually voice his idea outloud, but the words ended up spilling out anyways as they so often did when it came to Eric, ”I think I have a cookbook in one of the boxes,” Well, at least he used to have a cookbook. It belonged to his Mum and she used to use it all the time when he was a child. The only reason he said “think” was that he honestly couldn’t remember what items had traveled with him from Barking. Yes they had cleared everything out of his car and had even gone through most of it, but it was all such an emotional blur for Eric that he had a hard time separating memory from reality. And then…there was always the possibility that it wasn’t with his other books and was actually still in that last box he had exiled to remain in the car….

”We can look through it in the morning if you’d like?” Eric didn’t really need the book at this point. He had a handful of recipes he pretty much knew by heart. But nothing that he would classify as worthy of being considered Christmas dinner. And besides, this was for Lizzie. He wanted her to pick something she wanted.

And so that was that. The hunt for a recipe was put on hold for the night and their world gradually shrunk back down to just include the two of them while Eric finished his food and they proceeded to prepare for bed. As he had already stated, it was late now, and Eric’s eyes were heavy with sleep when they finally had crawled into bed and turned off the lights. Their trip to Barking that morning had felt like so long ago, and then napping the morning away and his shift through the rest of the night….yeah Eric was exhausted and it was hitting him full force now that his head was on a pillow and his legs intertwined with Lizzie’s.

“Love?” His voice gave away how tired he was but he waited for the small “Hm?” signaling that she was listening before he continued, ”Are you sad you aren’t celebrating at home with your family?”

Lizzie’s response was careful. She replied quickly so as to not leave room for Eric to overthink, but slowly enough to remain sincere as she assured him that even though she did miss her family and it felt funny not being with them, that she was still happy with her decision. That she wanted to be here, with him. This was a fact he had already known. The same way he knew she loved him yet he was still constantly battling the dark depths of his mind that tried to convince him that he wasn’t worthy of her and that she deserved better. And so her reassurance now was still very much necessary and helpful and he tightened his arms around her in a silent show of appreciation. His guilt and doubts had at last quieted for the night and allowed him to relax into her as sleep quickly took over and granted him the much needed recovery his overworked body and mind needed.
​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122418-----------❖ LOCATION — kitchen-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Although the initial excitement had simmered down, Lizzie was still so happy that Eric would be home during the holidays. Having been so busy making sure she had screen time plans with her family while he would have been at work, it didn’t occur to her until later that she had actually been using this planning as a defense mechanism against the impending loneliness she knew would have come. Try as she might earlier on to convince Eric that she would be fine being alone at the flat for Christmas, deep down she knew that probably wouldn’t be the case…at least not fully. As she shared with him her carefully expressed feelings on missing the holidays with her family this year, she could tell for a moment that he saw through her reassuring words. But the brief guilt that appeared on his face didn’t last for too long. This year Lizzie knew the holidays were going to be so different for her, but at least she was going to spend it with the man she loves.

“I really do appreciate that you did this though,” she told him, her voice soft to encompass the space in their little love bubble. “It really means a lot to me that I get to spend the holidays with you. Like, fully celebrate it, you know?”

It was Lizzie’s goal the morning of Christmas Eve to ensure neither she nor Eric got out of bed early. Had she her way, they would sleep well into the late morning. But even after turning off her phone alarms for the next couple days, old habits truly die hard. It wasn’t just Lizzie that woke up on her own early that morning, she could feel Eric stirring against her; his soft, but low groans right at her ear.

She blinked a couple times until the sleep from her vision faded away. Despite having left the space heater on all night, their bedroom was still freezing outside their covers. Lizzie couldn’t help the shivers that traveled throughout her body from the cold contact with her exposed shoulders. To combat, she immediately turned onto her side facing Eric and buried her entire body under the warmth of both their covers and his body heat. She burrowed her face against his chest then wrapped her arms around his waist. Through his continued low groans, she felt his arms once more tighten around her in response.

It was evident pretty quickly that neither of them would be able to get back to sleep now that they were both awake. But it was also evident to Lizzie that Eric didn’t mind this one bit. She wasn’t buried under the covers for long before Eric urged her to resurface. She groaned in protest, but she wasn’t entirely serious about it. As soon as her head popped out from under the covers, she greeted Eric with a bright smile accompanied by giggles. He immediately went to work pushing her hair out of her face to claim his rightful good morning kisses.

Although they stayed in bed hours after waking up, it wasn’t spent entirely in cuddles and kisses. In-between breaks when Lizzie and Eric needed some time to get air back in their lungs, Lizzie went to work sending messages to her family rescheduling today’s Facetime call. Not surprising, her dad was the one that responded first. Leave it to her old man to be awake past midnight in his attempt to prepare the house for the family to arrive. As if the house wasn’t already clean. The Darcy family had many things to be proud of, and for her father, cleanliness was top of the list. It was no wonder she and her sisters liked to poke fun at him and call him the Danny Tanner of their full house.

It wasn’t a surprise when she was asked why she needed to reschedule. At this point, and especially when it came to her dad, Lizzie didn’t hide the truth from them. She let them know that Eric had switched his work shifts so that they could spend the holidays together. To some members of the family, that earned her boyfriend some brownie points in their book. To her father, well, considering he now knew how serious she was about her relationship, he was happy to express his gratitude to Eric that he would be keeping her company this holiday season. It was no secret among her family that they weren’t particularly thrilled that she was going to be all alone in London during one of the only holidays they almost always spent time together.

Once all that housekeeping was done and the appropriate–and some not so appropriate–messages were forwarded to Eric, Lizzie put her phone back on the bedside table for the time being to return her full attention back to her ever patient boyfriend.

“You’re taking this day off thing pretty well,” she teased as she slipped her arms under his to wrap tightly around his waist again.

Almost immediately after her teasing statement, another comment popped up in her head. But the months she’s spent with Eric forced her to shove the words back down her throat. She knew if she added how this morning makes up for yesterday, the mood would quickly shift. Lizzie rarely got to spend lazy mornings like this with her boyfriend and she wanted to ensure that he remained as blissfully content as possible.

Many hours passed by the time one of their bodies finally gave in and insisted that they get out of bed to take care of their basic needs. It was Eric’s stomach that urged them out of bed to make breakfast. Try as she might to help, as soon as they transferred from the bedroom to the kitchen, she was banished to sit at her usual spot at the kitchen island while he went to work preparing their breakfast. She couldn’t even make her usual cup of coffee.

During her banishment, Lizzie went back to her task from last night: finding possible simple dishes that they could attempt to make for their Christmas meal. She had already bookmarked a few options she found last night. Most of them were recipes that were similar, but simpler, to what her family usually served during their Christmas family get together. But there was a part of her that wasn’t entirely sold on them. It was possibly because they weren’t going to actually be the dishes served at home, but it wasn’t like she could email Emma or Mary on short notice asking for one of their mother’s recipes. Well, she could, but many years assisting in the kitchen taught her that she would have a terrible time following the instructions on her own.

The topic of how they were going to feed themselves tomorrow was their main conversation throughout breakfast. Eric reminded her of the cookbook he mentioned last night that they could use for ideas and he said that he could look for it later. “So this is actually, like, a used cookbook?” From the look on Eric’s face, he didn’t seem to understand what she asked. After a sip of her coffee, she tried again. “Like, you actually used the cookbook to cook meals? Like Jane has this strange habit of buying cookbooks simply for the aesthetic? My dad says that’s something she picked up from my mom. Like, back at our house, there is a whole row on one of my mom’s bookshelves just of cookbooks she bought over the years? I think there is only one or two that have some kind of evidence that she might have used it.”

Eric then continued their conversation from last night about the Darcy family Christmas traditions. Not that there was really much else to tell him. She shared with him already what her family typically did together over the holidays. He was pretty much prepared for the future when he would be invited and involved in a Darcy family Christmas.

However, like all things involving Eric, he did manage to pick on a small detail that she failed to notice: her own involvement and contribution to Darcy family Christmas time. Sure, he knew that she mostly helped in the kitchen while Emma and Mary took charge of meal prep and cooking. Or if she wasn’t needed in the kitchen, she would help her dad with last minute decorations and preparations for when other family members arrived. But Eric, ever the observant man that he was, asked if there was anything she did that was specifically her task and her task alone. Something that only she could do.

The answer came almost as soon as the question was asked. “I did desserts,” she said simply. There was a quiet pause between them as she pondered over this detail. Then she added, “Well, actually, it’s me and Irene that made the desserts. I think it started when we were in junior year high school?” Eric shot her a slightly confused look. “When we were sixteen,” she elaborated. “Anyway, I think our dads just kinda, like, threw the task of desserts on us and it’s been our job ever since. I did cupcakes.” She went on to explain that she baked red velvet cupcakes every year and how she always decorated them to look like Christmas trees. When he asked why red velvet cupcakes, she told him how back at home she had basically mastered her own recipe. She didn’t bake them often, but when she did it was almost always for some special occasion.

“I can bake them tomorrow!” she suggested, a smile instantly spreading across her face. “We can add that to the list and it won’t be that hard for me to figure out if we need to, like, buy ingredients at the shop once we’ve figured out what we’re gonna make for Christmas.” Excitement swelled thinking about the prospect of making Eric her famous red velvet cupcakes for the first time. The last time she baked something for him it was his birthday cake. That was a month ago.

Eric must have fed off her excitement because he agreed with her suggestion with a smile that mirrored her own. Lizzie couldn’t help the excited squeal she let out while she mentally went straight to work remembering her recipe. She would need to check the kitchen once more for ingredients.

With dessert out of way, the only thing left for them to discuss at great length was their actual meal. Now that they were done with breakfast, Eric went to work scouring the boxes he had put away for the cookbook he mentioned before. While sounds of him opening and closing boxes were heard outside in the hallway, Lizzie focused on washing their dishes and then taking inventory of what she would need to get at the shop for her cupcakes. She realized she should wait for when they had their full meal planned out, but honestly there was no holding back her eagerness to bake for Eric.

Lizzie was back at her seat at the kitchen island when she heard Eric return from the hallway. She immediately caught sight of what she could only assume was the cookbook. However, her smile faltered slightly taking in the look on his face. At this point, she knew that look nearly all too well.

There was more to this cookbook than Eric initially let on.

She could feel the need to ask if he was okay stuck in her throat. But she waited as he took his seat beside her and placed the cookbook between them on the table. However, he made no effort to initiate the search for their Christmas meals in the book.

After a couple more quiet, but tense seconds, Lizzie hesitantly asked if she could take a look. Once Eric gave her a silent nod, she reached for the cookbook and opened to the table of contents. Just the table of contents alone told her exactly what she had been mentally asking herself the second Eric returned to the kitchen with the cookbook in hand.

Lizzie knew Eric’s handwriting by heart. She knew that she could point out his handwriting on a page full of words written by other people with no struggle at all. So when she opened the cookbook and found someone else’s handwriting on the page, she could only assume without asking Eric that it belonged to his mother. She hesitantly skimmed the lazy cursive form handwriting on the page and across the margins. She also noted the various symbols next to specific dishes that she couldn’t quite pick up on the meaning behind them. But she could make some initial assumptions.

Such as multiple hearts right next to a specific macaroni and cheese recipe. After taking a quick look at Eric, she noted the page number of that recipe then turned to it.

If she thought the notes across the tables of contents was a lot, Lizzie was not prepared for when she found the macaroni and cheese recipe. Very little of the original recipe remained among his mother’s various notes and adjustments. For the briefest moment, she thought about Half-blood Prince; wondering if this was what Snape’s old potions textbook looked like. Lizzie could barely get through one set of instructions without being influenced to read whatever added notes and adjustments his mother left on the page. It didn’t take her long at all to figure out why there were so many hearts on the table of contents for this recipe; especially as she read “Eric’s Favorite” written in the neatest handwriting among the sea of scribbles.

“Wait, is that stain really your doing?” she asked curiously, giggling at a dark smudge mark on the corner of the page. An outline and scribbled drawings surrounded it with the words “Eric’s Little Finger” written under the smudge mark in similar neat handwriting. “Was this a popular choice between you two?”

As Eric talked about the backstory of this recipe, Lizzie remembered something he mentioned yesterday when they were at Barking: that before he and his mother depended on takeaways and eating out, they used to cook together. His story about this dish just further proved this. She leaned against the table, elbow perched up to support the weight of her chin on her palm. She watched him closely and listened intently. It made her happy when he could look past his ill feelings towards his mother to remember these kinds of moments they shared before. Even though she knew, she just knew deep down, those feelings would come back soon after. So she took in every good story she could get while Eric allowed them some time in the sun.

When Eric finished his story, neither he nor Lizzie attempted to continue the conversation. She focused once more on the open page, reading the notes his mother left to almost each instruction. Not even the ingredients were safe. This time though, she looked at every note and quick scribble with the knowledge that they were all made because they catered to Eric’s preferences; more specifically, his preferences when he was still a little boy. Was this a favorite for the little boy that was smiling in the photos still hidden deep in her desk drawer? Behind that smile, was he excited about the prospect of going home with his mother to cook mac and cheese with her?

Many years later, did these special instructions still hold his favor?

Lizzie so desperately wanted to find out.

“Maybe we can make this tomorrow?” She was looking directly at Eric now to watch his reaction. “I mean, even with all these edits, it seems simple enough. I definitely feel confident that we won’t burn the flat down if we cook this.”

She could sense the hesitancy in Eric even before she turned to look at him. Of course she expected that she would need to convince him. He used the excuse that they should do things that are more closely tied to how she celebrated the holidays, like finding dishes that were similar to what was served during her family’s get together. At that point, Lizzie tried real hard not to roll her eyes at Eric. This gesture was sweet of him, there was no doubt about it. He was already doing so much for her knowing that she wasn’t going home this holiday. But she was starting to think that maybe he was leaning too hard on that excuse because he didn’t want to bring in his own Christmas traditions–if there were any to begin with–into the next couple days.

Lizzie sighed, sliding the cookbook away then fully turned to look at him. “Baby, can you just listen to me for a second?” With one elbow resting on the kitchen island, she placed her free hand on his knee. “I’m honestly not looking to replicate my family’s Christmas celebrations, okay? I’m not spending it with them. I’m spending it with you. I don’t want to do something that will try to make me miss home a little less. I’m going to miss home and my family regardless of what I do. But can you at least let me focus on the fact that we’re together for the next couple of days?” She paused to watch him for a moment. “I spent so long preparing myself to not have you here ‘cause of work. Now you’re home and all I can think about is spending this time just being us. Not worrying if we’re going to have the, like, perfect Christmas. It’s already pretty good so far and we just had breakfast.”

She briefly turned to look at the recipe again. “I’m not expecting some elaborate Christmas feast, babe. You already know I’m not the best cook in the world. I’m okay with something as simple as mac and cheese. Besides…” She pulled the book closer to them. “Wouldn’t you feel better knowing that when we put together something for tomorrow we won’t have to worry that we’re going to fuck something up? It’s obvious this was, like, a staple for you. You have to know this recipe by heart. You’ll know that we’re doing this right?”

“How about this?” she started, flipping to a random page in the cookbook. “Let’s side table the mac and cheese for now? We can look through this cookbook a little more. Maybe something else will pop out to you. I feel like it would be better if we just used this than some random stranger’s blog post about the perfect casserole or something. I’ve never actually been that big of a fan of casserole to begin with…” Without actually looking at the recipe she fell on just now, she turned to another page and briefly skimmed.

After skimming a couple more random recipes in the cookbook, Lizzie let Eric look through it exclusively. Asking him if one recipe or another would be a good choice was not working. Instead, she left the decision all to him. She quietly watched as he flipped page after page–sometimes hesitantly–to various dishes. She caught on that there were some recipes that had fewer notes left by his mother and she found herself wondering why.

With nothing much to do now that Eric was the one responsible for choosing their Christmas dish, Lizzie’s thoughts wandered. They abandoned the possibilities of why some recipes had less attention from his mother as soon as the chance of drugs popped in her head. That was the last thing she wanted to let her mind linger on after yesterday. So her thoughts wandered to the rest of the next 36 hours together. What in the world could they do with so much uninterrupted time?

It was then that her eyes traveled past Eric towards the poor excuse of a gift pile courtesy of Diana Thompson’s invasion. She stared directly at her two gifts for Eric; a white envelope that was very obviously a card with his name written on the front sitting on top of a larger rectangular box wrapped in, no surprise, Harry Potter themed gift wrap.

As soon as the thought came to mind, Lizzie bit down on her bottom lip. She hadn’t even realized she did it having been so focused on the realization that the idea could potentially not even be allowed. Fucking Diana Thompson. She just had to point out that Eric didn’t open presents until Christmas Day.

Then again….

It had been Eric that started it; giving presents before Christmas Day. Sure, he hadn’t given her a physical gift, but the sentiment was still there. He wanted to give her something before Christmas Day. Surely that meant he wouldn’t mind if she did the same?

Lizzie blinked away from Eric’s gifts from her to look at him. That was when she caught him looking at her instead of the cookbook. As soon as their eyes met, she lost her courage for a second as doubt came in. There was a possibility that even if he technically started it last night, his idea of giving her his present early was different from hers. After all, his gift to her was the good news about spending Christmas together. What she wanted to give him was something she had been holding on to–practically like a secret–for over a month now.

Well, it didn’t hurt to ask.

“Since you kinda started it last night,” she started hesitantly, “can I give you one of your gifts early?”

It was her overwhelming eagerness that caused her to not even give Eric a chance to answer. When he didn’t immediately say no to her request, she pushed off her seat and walked over to the pile of gifts. After one quick glance at both, she reached for the envelope and walked back over to the kitchen.

“So we’re hella blaming you for this,” she teased as her smile grew more and more from pure excitement. “I was going to hold off until tomorrow since, you know, it was mentioned you don’t usually open gifts until Christmas Day. But–” She exhaled, looking down at the envelope for a few seconds then finally extending it forward to him. “Well here. I’ve honestly been holding onto this since last month and I'm so excited to finally give this to you.”

She impatiently watched as he opened the envelope. Watched as he slowly pulled the Christmas card out and examined the front design. Watched as he opened it carefully; probably having felt that there was something inside the card that could slip out. Watched as he briefly ignored the folded up piece of paper that actually was inside the card to read the message she wrote to him. Watched as he paused to read it again, practically seeing the wheels turn in his head as he figured out there was some clue hidden in her message that he wasn’t picking up. Watched as the attempt at subtle references were being picked up and understood.

Then, feeling nothing but impatience and anticipation now, Lizzie watched as he finally picked up the folded piece of paper and unfolded it. Since they were sitting beside each other in a way that they could face one another, she couldn’t actually see what was on the paper. But she didn’t need to. What she cared the most about was watching as he processed the paper in front of him.

She was practically beaming as Eric finally processed what it was he was looking at: two tickets to see Les Miserables in February.

“I figured two months was enough time to request that day off work without getting in some kind of trouble?” she explained, her smile etched all over her voice. “We’re also watching it on our three month anniversary~” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122418-----------❖ LOCATION — the common room-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

Three month anniversary.

Earlier in the kitchen those three words had stopped his heart and taken his breath away in disbelief. The same way one might after being told they won the lottery. But why? It wasn’t like the thought of them still being together in three months surprised him anymore. He was mentally at a place of acceptance where he trusted she wouldn’t leave him despite all the reasons she could and he knew that he couldn’t live without her and all his decisions reflected that. So knowing that she was thinking that far in the future shouldn’t have affected him as much as it did.

But something about hearing her say it outloud, the reality of it acted as a weighted blanket, wrapping him up in mental and emotional comfort and security, especially after how dark their time together yesterday had been…

Barking was a constant reminder of just how fleeting life could be. One moment they were lost in their happily ever after and the next they were going back and forth at each other over old secrets and miscommunications. That was Barking’s fault. Or how one day he had been walking her back home to the flat and the next he was gone with no plan to return. He was only here now because Olivia and Lizzie had brought him back. That was Barking’s fault as well. And to come home after Christmas —presents all still untouched under their Charlie Brown tree — and find his mum motionless on the floor….that too was because of Barking.

All Eric had known for most of his life was this darkness and the heartaches that came with it. So it wasn’t that he wasn’t just as excited as Lizzie about their impending three month anniversary, Eric had just learned not to look forward to the future so as to protect himself from the pain of disappointment when things didn’t go the way he thought.

And it was that reason that had him watching extra closely as Lizzie dropped elbow shaped pasta into the shopping basket he held. There was a mixture of concentration and confusion etched into his expression as his constant overthinking got the better of him. It wasn’t like he was imagining worst case scenarios or backing himself into a corner. But Eric was still trapped in his head all the same until Lizzie’s voice called him back to the present.

He had been so speechless earlier after opening Lizzie’s present, not that Eric was particularly talkative to begin with. It was safe to say that tickets to his all time favorite musical was the last thing he had expected to receive. Turning the envelope over in his hand he had assumed it might be some type of gift card—which Eric would have appreciated just as much! He, more than most, was grateful for any and everything. And he knew Lizzie knew and understood that. Probably another reason why he was anticipating a gift card was because Lizzie was always wanting to find some way to help him. And so a gift card would make sense as a way to monetarily give him options and assistance without making the decision for him or flat out handing out cash which anyone who knew Eric knew he would be uncomfortable taking.

But no, what he had opened held more value to Eric than any amount of money in the world. Someone could have offered to pay off his debt and give him the funds to retire now at twenty-five years old and he would have turned it down, opting to keep Lizzie’s gift rather than living comfortably for the rest of his life. Lizzie, knowing that he never would have purchased tickets on his own, had not only bought seats to Les Miserables, which was his favorite musical. But she had bought THEM tickets. Two tickets. So that he could see his favorite musical with his favorite person. His one and only. The love of his life. The very person he woke up every day choosing to fight through his hardships for. And it wasn’t just a Christmas present. It was a present to mark and celebrate their anniversary. Their three month anniversary.

Three months ago Eric never would have thought this possible. That he and Lizzie would ever reach the levels they had. That they would be out grocery shopping on Christmas Eve day along with all the other last minute procrastinating families. Her being here at his side and having stuck with him through all that she had was already more than he could have ever asked for. And so for her to have given him Les Mis on top of it all was just too much for Eric. He had been so overwhelmed with emotion and excitement back in the flat, and it seemed that while he came off as distracted right now, in reality he still hadn’t come down from the high Lizzie had given him.

”Hm?” He blinked to force himself to be able to focus on Lizzie’s face as she moved to stand directly in front of him, repeating her earlier question regarding what else they needed to get. But try as he might, Eric couldn’t seem to keep his thoughts off of her. The kiss they had shared in the kitchen after his soul found its way back into his body was on a loop in his head.

He was definitely not subtle for the remainder of their shopping trip with the way he would stand so close behind Lizzie that she was practically pinned between him and the fixtures. The way he would silently insist on maintaining physical contact if she would lean away to grab something. Or how while they stood in line to check out his fingers traced over the small but visible bruise on her neck from last night, knowing very well that it was just one of several that semi permanently temporarily decorated her skin. And just like that Eric wanted to go. He wanted to leave—he wanted for the both of them to leave. Together. He was done being tame in public and holding back all the love he wanted to shower her in. But try as he might he could not will the line to move faster. All he could do to appease his own desires was to wrap himself around Lizzie from behind to both be able to touch her but to also keep her from moving and inadvertently teasing him more than she already had.

Eric pressed a kiss to the top of her head before resting his own against hers—as best he could with their height difference—his arms squeezing her gently as an ever so soft, ”I love you,” spilled out against her hair. As if all his clinging didn’t make that obvious enough.

Once back at the flat, Eric only managed to wait long enough for Lizzie to return from dropping off her shoes and coat in their bedroom. While she was gone he busied himself by putting any cold perishables in the fridge, but as soon as she returned he was once again coming up behind her while she loitered at the dining table to read over a text she had received. One of his hands ran down her thin arm till he found her phone in her hand, at which point he gently pried it from her grip and set it on the table top. His other hand slid over her midsection under her shirt till his four fingers were sandwiched under her waistband, his thumb caressing circles against her stomach. All the while his mouth was on her neck, intending to add to the exhibit he already had on display across her skin.

It had crossed his mind briefly earlier, how his Christmas present to her paled in comparison to tickets to Les Miserables. But for once in his life, Eric’s self esteem wasn’t completely fixated on this disparity and instead his mind was allowing him to truly just be thankful and more importantly happy.

Lizzie allowed him to have his moment uninterrupted while he murmured sweet nothings into her neck. Telling her words of love and how happy he was that she was here with him. Because despite feeling guilty that she was not with her family, he was still ecstatic that she was here with him instead. But it wasn’t long before his hand dipped lower into her sweats to brush over her through the fabric of her underwear. Slowly, gently, calmly. Letting her relax into his touch until she seemed to be over his initial sweetness and wanted something else—wanted more. She was soon shifting in his arms and turning so as to be able to face him, the movement forcing his hand to pull free and rest at her hip until she stilled. Only there was hardly a moment of still after that as Lizzie’s own arms wrapped around his neck, and in turn Eric’s body moved on its own, impulsively doing whatever felt right in the moment without any regard for the time or place.

There was no space between them, there hardly ever was when it came to him and Lizzie. But in this instance it gave off a slight desperate neediness rather than simply being out of love and intense passion. He kissed her, long and hard while his hands resumed touching her through her clothing and running over any skin they could find. Meanwhile she was pulling him in towards her, keeping them locked together. But this wasn’t enough. Not after all the imagery that had flooded his head of the two of them back in the shops—between the fixtures—pressed against the glass of the frozen section—Eric had been dying for this intimacy since that very morning.

But it wasn’t about the sex. Yes it was nice, in fact it was amazing. But what Eric truly craved was the close contact that came with it. The connection of their very souls meshing with one another while being at their most vulnerable. That was what Eric sought out. And that was what pushed him to act in a manner that otherwise would have been described as having a high sex drive. The reason that had him tugging at the waistband of her sweatpants now as though seeking permission while he pulled back just enough to speak as his ocean eyes searched for her earthly ones, ”Can I…?”

Lizzie’s breathless nod was all he needed to continue, and she tightened her arms around his neck for a moment, getting up on her tiptoes as if that made any difference while Eric hooked his fingers around the elastic of both sweats and underwear and pulled down towards the floor, dropping them once they grew loose around her thighs. Lizzie in turn was then able to help as she stepped out, still holding Eric for balance, and lightly kicked them aside to prevent a slipping hazard.

Eric couldn’t see what he was doing, his lips were too preoccupied with her neck to watch; but that didn’t matter, because he knew her body inside and out. Each and every curve was a scenic landmark in his mind that brought the seven wonders of the world deep into the double digits. But while he made sure to trace and touch as many of her wonders as he could, Eric had one in particular he was reaching towards now that her lower half was bare and accessible.

Lizzie was slowly shifting her weight between each leg now, as though trying to find the perfect angle to compliment his fingers against her core. They stayed there for a few minutes—Eric alternating between external touches and actually entering her—just long enough until she was growing slick to the touch and she moaned in protest when he pulled first his hand away, and then the rest of him.

Her grip held him in place initially, but Lizzie was quick to catch on to why he was moving away. It wasn’t that he was leaving her, but rather another part of her was reeling him in. Eric’s hands were on her waist, his fingers pressing into her skin, all the while his body was melting down to his knees until his lips were level with her lower ones.

His hands had trailed down with him and one now slipped under her left thigh, gently pulling it towards him and then upwards so that her leg rested over his shoulder. This both opened her to him but also adjusted her center of gravity, forcing her to lean back against the table for stability rather than to cling to Eric for balance.

While she held the edge of the table his own grip tightened around her legs as he placed an almost hesitant kiss to the inside of her thigh resting on his shoulder. Despite the fog filling his brain and obscuring all other thoughts and priorities, it did not escape him that the last time they had been in a similar position to this it had ended poorly on his part— that a panic had welled up inside him at her touch. And it was clear in the way Lizzie called for his attention and oh gently reached for his hand that she had not forgotten the event either.

Last time they had gotten his hair out of the way with a scrunchie, but Eric couldnt bring himself to get up and walk away from this—from his love spread out against the fucking dining room table. No this wasn't a moment he was willing to pause on behalf of the fact that there was an unknown percentage of a possibility they might trigger some old pain of his.

His hand opened and turned so as to intertwine their fingers. Now their joined hands rested against her leg but Eric said nothing in response to what he knew she was wondering. He didn’t want that to even come up between them right now. This was their moment and theirs alone. It was just him and Lizzie here in this room and that’s all he wanted to acknowledge right now. Eric did manage to glance up to her flushed face though, holding eye contact as he placed a second more confident kiss higher up her inner leg. His eyes then closed along with his mouth as he sucked at the sensitive skin and turned Lizzie’s concerns into moans.

It wasn’t long before the warmth of his mouth finally traveled up and connected to the heat of her core, licking at what sweet wetness had already escaped her from his earlier ministrations. So much for Lizzie’s plan to start on her cupcakes as soon as they got home. At this rate they would definitely be running behind on all of their previously scheduled activities and social events. But honestly those were distant memories for Eric right now. He was far too preoccupied to be concerned with keeping track of time. All of his attention was solely focused on Lizzie and his current task at hand: giving her the first of many a Christmas orgasm as memorable as the gift she had given him that morning.

It wasn’t until after Lizzie’s hand left to table to grasp at him that Eric finally eased off and after another sweet kiss to her thigh he lowered the leg and led Lizzie’s arms to him. Once her arms were safely latched around him, Eric began his ascent, rising back to his feet and taking her by the waist as he did to easily hoist her up so that she sat on the table. Her wet lower half on the cold wooden table with his own body settled between her legs.

His hands stayed at her waistline, keeping her pressed against him while his kisses trailed upwards until his lips reunited with hers. As much as he had enjoyed her melted candy, somehow the taste of her kiss was still sweeter to him—but the combination of them as their tongues met set off fireworks deep inside.

Then with one arm securely fastened at her shoulder blades he slowly helped lower her until her back was arched against the table with his own weight pressed against her. Both from above and from how his hips remained tight against hers with just his pants separating them from taking this any further. He kept contact with the arm that was under her, but his other hand was pushing up underneath her hoodie and shirt, slowly exposing more and more of her with every movement.

When Eric finally came up for air it also served as a moment to stop and smell the roses—or rather to simply take in the sights and enjoy the view. His hands rubbed the inside of her thighs in a slow and comforting manner, while his eyes remained fixated on taking in all of her at once as though he was seeing her for the first time.

Eric wasn’t usually shy when it came to intimacy. In the safety and privacy of the bubble Lizzie created for them in the bedroom, Eric never held back. But all of a sudden he seemed to realize what they were doing and where they were: in the common room with Lizzie spread out on the very table that everyone sat at for meals. Thank God no one else was home right now, and no one would be for days.

But the color in Eric’s cheeks wasn’t solely from his mild embarrassment, “Uhm…love, do you…” He wanted to ask if she could handle more—if she could keep going, because as much as he had enjoyed pleasing her he was borderline uncomfortable with how badly he needed her now. He needed his own release, but if she couldn’t then he was more than capable of taking care of himself.

Because Eric knew all too well the pain that came from being pushed beyond what one’s body enjoyed and he would never wish that upon anyone. Especially not the love of his life. Eric would never act solely with himself in mind, not at the expense of Lizzie's experience or her trust.

But what he wouldn’t give to scoop her up in his arms and carry her back to their bed—or even the couch since that was closer—and bury his body, mind and soul in her. To completely lose himself in her and allow her to occupy all his thoughts, feelings and actions. Because without Lizzie, there was no telling where he would end up. Without Lizzie he was nobody, without her he was nothing. She granted him permission and forgiveness to be his authentic self without fear of judgement or rejection, and that sort of unconditional love was something he had never experienced until her. But now that he had it, it was all he wanted. All the time. He was addicted to her love. It didn’t matter if she gave it verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, spiritually—Eric would take any love she gave him. He would take it and cling to it with such desperate devotion until she offered the next dose and then he would greedily take that. And so on and so on till the end of time. ​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122418-----------❖ LOCATION — living room area-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

To be quite honest, Lizzie should have seen this coming. Well, not the whole part about Eric eating her out on the dining room table. She was certain she never would have prepared for something like that. No, she should have predicted how much Eric wanted her. The signs were all there. His kiss after opening her gift. His constant need to be near her, touching her, while they finalized their Christmas meal and compiled the grocery list of ingredients they still needed. And his inability to give her any sort of space even when they were in public.

Yeah, it should have been very obvious to Lizzie long before Eric’s hand slid into her sweats. But, oh well, there was no going back from this. Not when his tongue felt ohhhh so good.

She had completely lost all control of her senses the moment he pulled her sweats and underwear off her body. Her initial fear about what they were doing in the common room faded to obscurity at his first kiss on the inside of her thigh and her mind was foggy and nearly blank ever since. All she could focus on outside the stimulation between her legs were her moans echoing through the large room. But even then, those moans started to sound distant to her own ears.

For the second time, Eric was successfully rendering Lizzie into nothing more than a flailing set of limbs under his touch. For the second time, Lizzie was forced to not cower at the pleasure he brought her just with his mouth and his tongue. Because, truth be told, this was an experience she was not exactly used to. So while she clung to Eric’s shoulders to keep her shaky knees from giving out, she focused mostly on the fog he left her in to avoid overthinking what just happened.

With a deep sigh, she dropped her head back onto the hard, cold wooden table to continue to catch her breath. While Eric rubbed comfortingly at her thighs, she continued to stare up at the blank ceiling in an attempt to calm herself. Her heart was pounding so dangerously in her chest she was worried it was going to give out right then and there. Each deep breath she took pushed hard against her shirt and hoodie still pushed up against her chest. Then there was the fact that despite the chilling December weather invading their large common room, her body was burning so hot she could have sworn she was a furnace. She burned especially hot between her legs; still dripping wet from all the excitement just a moment ago.

Lizzie was speechless, but she knew Eric was still patiently waiting for a response to his barely uttered question. Not that she needed to hear the rest of it. She could practically feel his erection pressed against her thigh through his pants. As she focused on the bulge poking gently into her skin, she couldn’t help licking her lips in anticipation. That, and desire. A pure and hungry desire that she has only ever felt for Eric in her entire life.

“Please…” she whispered, pushing herself up onto her elbows to better look at him. Although she already dwarfed in comparison to her love, something in his eyes made her feel so much smaller. Not in a bad way, of course. It was more in the way he could control the situation between them. With just one look, Lizzie would obediently give into any and every will the man towering above her wished. She would let him mold her into anything that would make him happy. Especially now as she gazed up into his once ocean eyes. Now, they were nothing but black and deep and she was just so ready to fall into them and never come back to the light.

As she pushed up further into a sitting position, her shirt and hoodie fell back down to cover her chest. This, however, didn’t matter much for either Lizzie or Eric as he scooted her to the edge of the table. Lizzie spread her exposed legs wider to better accommodate him, whimpering softly as his erection now poked at her lower stomach. She bit down on her bottom lip as her hands frantically pulled and loosened his pants, so eager to let it free and give Eric the release she knew he probably needed. No, the release he definitely deserved.

Ever since their first time, it hadn’t escaped Lizzie’s thoughts how easy it was for Eric to pleasure her. He made it seem so effortless and even now she struggled to accept this as fact. Because, truth be told, prior to becoming sexual with Eric, the only time she ever had a successful orgasm was…well…when she took care of herself. Now, Eric was two for two just by going down on her alone. That has never happened to her before.

Just as he did earlier, Lizzie slipped her hand inside his pants and his underwear to grip at his hard length. Her fingertips alone brought a low moan out of Eric and her heart soared with pride. This was what she knew she could do for him in return for everything he’s done for her and she would commit to the act while he still loved it.

But also, she didn’t want him to finish too quickly. As eager as Eric looked and felt right now, she was not quite ready for him to finish.

After stroking and kissing him for a few minutes, Lizzie pulled away enough to catch his gaze. “Do you want to get a condom from the room?” she asked breathlessly, all the while teasing the tip with her thumb. Suffice it to say, despite her suggestion, it took a few extra minutes to separate the two.

When Eric did finally manage to pull away from her long enough to leave the common room to get that condom from their bedroom, Lizzie stayed seated on the table while she watched him leave. For the first time since they started this whole escapade, she shivered from the cold. Were she thinking clearly, she would have simply followed Eric back into their bedroom to continue in the warmth and comfort of their bed. But honestly, she was afraid her legs still weren’t working. Her thighs were tense from having been forced apart for so long. Then there was the threat that her knees were just too weak between her orgasm earlier and Eric’s constant efforts at overstimulation while they had foreplay.

But now that she was alone, the fog that clouded her thoughts faded away and she realized…holy shit her boyfriend just ate her out on the dining room table. The very same dining room table everyone that lived in the flat ate on at various parts of the day. Sure, none of the flatmates were even going to be home for the rest of the week. Still…she was going to have the memory of what they just did fresh in her mind for who knows how long. Definitely well after said flatmates come back from their holidays.

Her face burned and brightened at the thought, imagining walking into the common room to find Ricki or Angel or Malcolm sharing a meal together right near where her bare ass is sitting right now. Or worse. What if Olivia somehow found out??

Not that she suspected Eric would ever tell her what parts of the flat they’ve had sex on. But still, Olivia Thompson had this weird way of finding these things out even without verbal confirmation.

If she thought she wasn’t able to get onto her feet before, these thoughts pushed her to her feet with a quickness. She was right though. The moment her feet touched the cold floor, her knees buckled slightly and she had to grip the table to keep her balance. When she did finally regain some lower strength, she avoided looking at the table and walked carefully over to the living room area. Not exactly her first choice, but the couch was a much closer walk than the bedroom.

When Eric finally returned to the common room, Lizzie watched as he looked over at the vacant dining table then quickly turned his head to search for her. A giggle escaped her as she watched him look over at the kitchen. As he turned in the direction of her voice, she dropped her legs over the edge of the couch while taking him in. His pants were still undone and barely hanging onto his waist. She noticed now that his shirt was wrinkled at the bottom, most likely from the numerous times she had to pull it up to get it out of her way. The only difference in his appearance, other than the addition of a small square in his hand, was that his hair was up, held out of his face by the scrunchie he used last time they made love.

As he walked around the shorter couch and then around the coffee table, Lizzie sat up bone still on her spot on the larger couch. Her heart was once again racing with anticipation over what they were about to do.

Here.

On the couch.

In the common room.

His lips were already on hers before he even sat down. His hands once again went to work exploring all of her body. Lizzie, while eager to return his kiss, found that her limbs were paralyzed. Her cheeks once again burned as her musings about the dining table now returned, only this time they were about the couch they were sitting on. Correction, the couch her bare ass was sitting on.

“Babe…” she breathed out as he moved from her lips down to her neck. But whatever it was she was about to say vanished as she felt his tongue tease up the side of her neck near the back of her ear. She moaned, her eyes fluttering shut. He continued doing this and she couldn’t get herself to make him stop.

However, it was once she felt his hand ride up her thigh and inside her hoodie she remembered what she wanted to tell him.

“I’m a little nervous,” she confessed.

She took Eric’s hand, staring intently at the little cross. “It probably sounds kinda silly, but, like—I dunno. It sounds stupid ‘cause, like, it’s only us for the whole week. It’s not like any of the others are going to walk in on us right now.” She could still feel that her face was still red. “But, like, I’m not—I’ve never done something…like this? You know, like, having sex in a very public area; a shared space.” She finally looked up at him. “To be honest, babe, I don’t have that much…experience doing anything sexual outside the bedroom.”

When Eric asked if they should move back to the bedroom, Lizzie looked at him closely and for a rather long and silent time. In the end, she hesitantly shook her head.

“I mean, obviously we’ve already done a fair share of things in the living room. So, like, it’s lowkey dumb that I’m suddenly real embarrassed?” Memories of their time together that Sunday night replayed in her head. What they did was honestly not any different than what they were doing now. Well, save for the absence of a couple items of clothing at the moment. “But, just, like, before you I never really considered doing anything like this in any place other than the bedroom. It was just…not something that I thought I could consider being into.”

Her thumb brushed over the cross a couple passes. Then she got up from her spot, scooting closer to him until she could climb onto his lap. “Can I tell you something?” she asked hesitantly, running her fingers through his hair at the base of his neck. “I know…a lot of the things we do together are not, like, new to you. But…some of them are for me.” Nerves kept her gaze lowered to a spot on his shirt, but when Eric urged her to explain she slowly looked back into his eyes. The ocean had returned and it brought her comfort right now. “I’ve never…um…I’ve never come from oral before. Before you, the last time I didn’t feel anything. And so it just never happened to me after that. So, like, when you did it that first time…I was…shocked that it could actually feel so good.”

She felt Eric shift under her and paused, looking down at their positioning wondering if it was uncomfortable for him. Without even asking, she adjusted so that she was now taking almost all of her weight off his lap. Now she sat straddling him, her legs bent on either side of his legs so that she could rest most of her weight on the couch instead of him. Whether this actually helped or not, she couldn’t tell. This new position just gave Eric the opportunity to let his hands rest under her clothes better. She couldn’t help shivering at the feel of his fingertips running across her back.

“I don’t feel like I’m doing enough to…pleasure you,” she continued nervously. “Like, sure, I seem to be doing a good job giving you hand, but…like…” She blushed again and it took every part of her to not look away from him. “I…don’t know how to give…head.” All bravery disappeared and she buried her face into his shoulder. “I tried it a couple times, but Bran—I didn’t get the kind of reaction to my efforts to make me confident to keep trying.”

They sat quietly like this for a little while in which time Lizzie found comfort in Eric’s touch. She knew she shouldn’t feel so embarrassed confessing all of this to him. But she would be lying if she didn’t feel so out of her element every time she and Eric were intimate. Yes, it was always so perfect in the end. But even now, there was a little voice in the back of her mind that reminded her that while she was no virgin, her knowledge of sex only grazed the surface compared to whatever Eric had been forced to learn in the past. It was growing more and more difficult to hide that she felt like she was lagging behind him when it came to intimacy. And that very same little voice worried that they would reach the point that her lack of experience would one day make him…bored of her.

Twice already Eric has managed to show her that she actually enjoyed oral; that it felt so good. And yet what has she done for him in return? Use her hand as foreplay to get him excited. He was definitely going to get bored. But any time she thought about and considered trying to give him head when they were in the mood, a nervous lump formed in her throat that caused her to chicken out. Even now as she felt him pressed so dangerously close to her core, the thought of taking him into her mouth while she had zero clue what to do made her want to climb off his lap and just let him take the lead again.

But now that they were having this talk, Lizzie couldn’t entertain that fear for long. He knew her insecurities and so she couldn’t go back to what they had been doing. She wanted to move forward from this. She wanted to find some way to be better for him intimately. To constantly remind him every time he was somehow triggered by past memories and experiences that everything was okay now. That it was just her.

As she struggled through all these thoughts, Lizzie also kept herself grounded by the feel of Eric’s touch under her hoodie and shirt. The random traces across her skin kept her warm and stimulated. At one point, when his hand must have aimlessly roamed down her thighs and then back up, she responded by grinding against him.

“Eric?” Finally, Lizzie pulled away from their embrace, far enough so that she could once again look him in the eyes. “Does head feel good for you?” She ran her hands down his front, her fingernails leaving tender trails across his shirt. When they dropped to the hem, she hesitated for a split second before fumbling with his pants. As she reached a hand inside to pull out his length and stroke him, she kept her eyes on him, watching his response. “Will you tell me how you like it?”

Before she knew it, she was pulled back into a deep kiss. But even as Eric’s tongue explored her mouth and his hands once more moved with urgency across her body, she continued to stroke him. However, she was unable to keep going when he suddenly decided she no longer needed the top half of her clothes. At that point, Lizzie thought it unfair that she was the only one without any clothes on and went to work bringing him down to her level.

She left his pants last, for obvious reasons. After licking her lips once, Lizzie slowly slid off his lap to move down onto her knees. She looked up at him from her position, once more feeling that power he had over her. Then she grabbed a handful of his pants and underwear, pulling them down his long legs until they passed his feet and were left abandoned to the side. Her hands then ran back up his legs, letting the hairs tickle under her fingertips.

When her right hand reached the elusive tiger tattoo on his thigh, Lizzie leaned forward slightly to kiss it, tracing it with her lips. Meanwhile, her left hand found him again, still so eager for her touch.

The nervous lump in her throat returned when she realized the situation she had put herself in. There was no going back from this.

But with one much needed look up at the love of her life, she knew she didn’t want to go back. “Tell me what you like, baby.” And he did.

And Lizzie, ever the eager student, listened and obeyed every instruction and suggestion. She pushed aside her nerves to focus on letting her mouth and tongue explore the length of him, to memorize what she did for him. More importantly, she focused on how he responded to every single second. ​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122418-----------❖ LOCATION — the couch-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

Did head feel good to him? Yes, usually. But did he enjoy it? That was a little more complicated, but the long answer was a fairly definitive no. Or at least…he hadn’t yet. Lizzie had spoke of feeling insecure—unconfident in regards to sex compared to his experiences. But it just stunned Eric silent for a moment as he processed everything she was telling him. It wasn't so much that it came as a shock or surprise to him that she didn’t have as much knowledge, he never expected her to. But rather it was upsetting to hear that the only person to ever make him feel safe and loved while being pleasured, felt like she wasn't doing enough for him. And for a moment Eric felt so completely disconnected from his love in that their perspectives had taken such polar opposite routes.

Eric knew he didn't need to remind Lizzie that those experiences of his that she spoke of were cruel and traumatic. She was very much aware of that from what brief truths he’d shared. But it was hard to shake the memories now that she had mentioned them, and Eric’s fingers pressed into her slightly to strengthen his hold on her. Keeping her there with him and further reinforcing to the anxieties that lingered just beneath his skin that she was there with him.

That it was just them.

He didn’t have much of a track record when it came to enjoying head, at least not in the way Lizzie was asking about. She might have been feeling inexperienced compared to him, but that was no different than how he felt with many of his previous clients. They all seemed to know his body better than he did. They knew how to control him, how to get a reaction out of him, how to quite literally force him to feel pleasure. That’s not to say that every time was torturous, but those were the only ones he truly remembered. The once in a blue moon good night never stuck in his memory, forever overshadowed by pain and fear and giving him these visceral feelings and reactions he had in regards to his past.

Most of his scars from that era of his life were across his abdomen. Covered now by the large ferns inked into his skin. Cuts and burns, each one turning a climactic finish from pleasurable into painful. And while not all of them were specifically associated with receiving oral, enough of them were and those memories had thus far kept Eric from having ever considered asking Lizzie to do this for him. But something about having Lizzie inquire about it brought out a sort of nervous excitement as she settled on the floor between his legs.

“Mnn…wider love…”
The slight accidental graze of her teeth had him shifting beneath her touch, but Lizzie was so quick with the feedback that Eric's subconscious barely even had time to register any impending pain before she was drawing yet another moan from him and circling him back to that place where it was just her and him and everything felt like heaven on earth.

It was just them.

Eric found himself unable to take his eyes off her. But it wasn’t out of fear, more so that he was captivated by the moment. Watching her…watching all of her, just brought such overwhelming feelings that were able to push his earlier reservations to the back of his mind and truly focus and live in this moment with her. The way her hair fell with every movement she made. The way her face felt beneath his finger tips. The way her own hand confidently worked his length in ways she was already familiar with, while in tandem with her mouth now concentrated at the tip at his request. The moments they would make eye contact and all the sounds in the room faded to the background with the way his heart pounded and the blood pulsed through his ears.

It didn’t take long. Not after the torturous tease of a morning he’d had. Eric was getting so close now, and with it came a conflicting rush of anxious adrenaline. Part of him was scared: conditioned to expect pain with such a release. But most of him just wanted…something else. Something more. He wanted to be able to feel her, to hold her, to taste her, to come inside her. He wanted to feel as connected to her as humanly possible and while he was actually genuinely enjoying this, it wasn’t quite enough. He wanted their bodies to be pressed against each other, to feel her on him and under his fingers. For their very souls to intertwine and to share the experience.

He knew she knew that he was close, her confusion showed it when he asked her to slow down—when he asked her to wait. It wasn’t that she wasn't doing it for him. It wasn’t that he wasn’t enjoying it. If anything this was the first time he truly was. But if they still wanted to have sex—no, they already were…but if they wanted to make love then they needed to wrap this up—wrap him up—because he already knew he wouldnt be able to hold out much longer. Or rather, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

Eric knew he could go multiple rounds, that wasn’t his concern. But that was before, when it was out of his control and not of his choice. Would he be up for it today? Would he still crave her as strongly if he gave in and let her continue till he finished? Or what if this all backfired and he ended up in pain?? It hadn’t escaped him how easily this could all turn against them. And the uncertainty of that was what made him cautious and sober against his own personal drug of choice.

The moment her lips lost contact with him, Eric almost immediately gave in to tell her that he’d changed his mind and for her to keep going. But while yes it had felt good, and yes he was enjoying it, it just wasn’t what he wanted. And if he had learned anything from his time with Lizzie it was that she would want him to speak up and share such feelings with her, “Love…” His hand extended vaguely towards the end of the couch where he had last seen the little square packaging of the condom, glancing to it briefly before his blue green eyes locked back into Lizzie’s brown ones as she still awaited being told why he had stopped her, “Please, I want you.”

God he felt so pathetic. When had sex become so difficult to talk about? In all his years he’d never had a problem discussing such things with his…partners….? No, his clients. But maybe that was the difference. The Eric of before was paid to have such conversations when it was up for discussion that is, while the Eric of now was so ashamed of his past that it still influenced his behavior with Lizzie even after their countless talks. Here he was struggling to vocalize his opinions in regards to sex, struggling to explain what he wanted. His likes and dislikes—what he actually found enjoyable and what was off the table as something he never wanted to experience again. Despite everything he and Lizzie had already pushed through together, despite how safe and loved he felt with her, here he was still struggling to move forward from it all.

But if the look in his eyes wasn’t obvious enough, the desperation in his voice made his intentions very clear despite his actual words falling short. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable, or not enjoying this; it was that while he had been willing and wanting to give her the experience, ultimately it wasn’t what he had spent the morning fantasizing over. There would be other opportunities for Lizzie to exercise her newly discovered skills, but Eric had been holding out for so long now with just one goal in mind.

He watched her movements as she leaned over to retrieve their condom, but rather than placing it in his open hand, she proceeded to open the package herself. All the while still between his knees, his thighs gently against her on either side to maintain the contact he always craved. Lizzie had already melted him deep into the couch earlier, but as she took him in hand again he could feel his entire body weaken and ready itself to be pliant to her every move. Well, metaphorically speaking at least. The reality was he was undeniably hard and borderline tense with need.

Between her one hand resuming slow strokes and the other offering comforting touches to his thigh, Eric was far too stimulated to think clearly. He only had one thing on his mind and that was to pull her into his lap and finally link them together. He managed to lean forward towards her, and Lizzie met him halfway to receive his kiss. Simultaneously he felt her hands adjust between them, using their moment to cash in on some new bravery points she had gained as she now rolled the condom down him from tip to base.

She didn’t wait long after to pull away and stand up, but before she could move to the side to join him on the couch, or to even inquire about moving to the bedroom if she was still uncomfortable being out in the common room, Eric’s hands had wrapped around the back of her thighs and gently tugged her forward towards him, “Come here love.”

Her knees pressed carefully into the couch on either side of him, climbing up to where she had previously sat, her hands steadying herself on his shoulders once she was settled. Now that he was just as naked as she was, Eric could feel the heat radiating off her along with how wet she still was after the dining table earlier. Their foreheads had met, noses brushing one another as their world shrunk down to encompass just the two of them and not leave space for anyone or anything else to come between them. Eric was quick to initiate another kiss and in response Lizzie’s hands moved to wrap around his neck and pull him closer, her lower half slowly grinding against him.

At this point Eric really couldn’t wait any longer. His own hands shifted from running across her skin to slip between her legs to prepare for what was to come next. When he moved next it was to help mold her into position so that she was up on her knees while he pumped himself a couple times before blindly aligning them. He didn’t need to see what they were doing, and while it was true some of that came from confidence and experience, in the case of Eric with Lizzie it was more so of love and trust. He knew her body so well, and he wouldn’t dream of breaking their connection just to watch. In fact Eric’s hungry kisses didn’t stop or slow the entire time until at last he felt her fully seated on him, “Is this okay?”

His voice was breathy, having had to pull himself off so as to be able to check in because Eric, ever observant when it came to Lizzie, had been quick to pick up on the soft trembling of her legs throughout her descent, “Is this new for you as well?”
While his face pressed into her neck, breathing in her scent and relishing in the bliss that she gave him, Eric’s hands had gone back to work to gently rub across her back and down to her waist.

Lizzie had just confessed to feeling nervous being intimate in this capacity here in the common room, but here she was still pushing through it for him. So the last thing he wanted to do was take this any farther if she wasn’t comfortable with it. He wouldn’t rush her. After all she had said it herself, no one else would be coming home. They had all the time in the world. And if she decided she wasn’t okay with anything then they could easily just relocate back to their bed and resume what was safe and familiar to them.

But Eric felt her nod against him, a tiny little yes escaping her as his slight shifting underneath bumped her. So today was a day of firsts for her, “We’ll find what you like.”
Something about the prospect of experimenting with Lizzie excited him. Knowing that he was giving her feelings and experiences she had never had before. And Eric slowly leaned back into the couch so as to be able to better see her. To see all of her.

Surely they had sat still for long enough now and it was okay for him to continue on. His hands ran down her sides, and then up and down her thighs a couple times in a comforting manner before taking on a slightly more possessive approach. One that had a set goal in mind. As his hands returned towards her body they ran from the undersides of her thighs, over the baby soft skin of her butt and caressed her hips for a moment before finally slipping down between them to touch where they were joined.

“You can always tell me if you want to stop,” Their hearts were in sync, each breath touching the other first through the expansion of their bare chests and then through the release of the exhale against the others skin, ”…yeah?”
Honestly the momentary role reversal between them filled him with a sense of…not exactly pride, but purpose and protective responsibility. She had given him the very same speech at least twice, and it felt nice being able to return the sentiment. To be able to be the rock for once.

He could feel Lizzie’s hands move to his chest, tracing tattoos and fiddling with the cross on his necklace, all the while his thumb was still between her legs and brushing over her. But Eric’s eyes and attention were both focused on her face. On the way her lips parted with each breath and the soft moans that escaped. But what he was waiting for were her eyes and the second that she looked up from his chest to meet his gaze he held it, ”…I love you.”

As soon as she said it back to him his hands moved to pull her against him till their chests were pressed flush together. Capturing her lips in a loving kiss as his hands ran across her exposed back. Eric let them sit like that for a few moments, enjoying the intimacy they shared and showering her in slow but hungry kisses. Until finally he broke one, his lips grazing hers as he whispered a single instruction into her parted mouth, “Lift your hips love.”

There was only a couple seconds pause as she processed his words in relation to her own body’s physical capabilities before Eric could feel her softly gasp at the sensation as she at long last began moving. Her sounds were quickly transformed back into moans when Eric nestled into his favorite spot at her neck. Compared to when he was talking her through their first blowjob earlier, Eric stayed silent now—or at least wordless. Letting Lizzie discover this one on her own. To learn that making love in this position allowed her to pick all her preferred settings—how fast to go, how deep to take him—she was in control. All he wanted was to see her and feel her. To watch her, and taste her. To touch her and love her. And while yes, he could very easily over power her from below to make her feel how she always made him feel, Eric much prefered this.
​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122418-----------❖ LOCATION — kitchen-----------❖ COMPANY — eric & darcy fam (via facetime)
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

As soon as she was fully sheathed around him, Lizzie was gone. Her eyes shut tight as her body felt like it was bursting into flames from the overstimulation. When Eric reminded her that she needed to breathe, his voice was so distant despite his lips brushing her ear. She could barely feel his soft skin under her fingertips even with the firm grip on his shoulders. Her mind was going crazy trying to pull herself back to the present when all her soul wanted to do was float away.

“Oh…fuck…” She leaned closer to Eric, resting her forehead at the curve of his neck while she adjusted and adapted to him.

Whatever lingering reservations she held earlier about making love in the common room faded the moment he entered her. Even with this new experience—this new position—the effect of having Eric inside her was still the same. It was both too much and absolutely perfect at the same time, and even though they have made love before today, she still found she needed a moment to really take in what all was happening. Luckily for her, Eric was patient enough with her to allow her these extra few seconds.

Don’t get her wrong, Lizzie wanted so badly to move the moment she took in all of him. It was one of the only clear thoughts in her mind that managed to break through the fog of emotions that consumed her. But she couldn’t get past how much her legs shook while keeping herself upright on Eric’s lap, all the while feeling him spread her apart inside her. Each time she grinded her hips against his just to stop her thighs from burning and quivering, her moans filled the silence in the large room. It was all so much. A tiny part of her wanted so badly to give up her remaining sliver of confidence; to give Eric back control. Between the both of them, he was the one that knew how to keep their passionate connection strong and constantly present. That was what she knew. That was what made her feel comfortable.

But, goddamnit, this felt so fucking good despite how new and strange it all felt. She never thought being on top would feel this amazing. While, yes, when Eric asked if this was her first time being in this position, what Lizzie was unable to admit was that this wasn’t her first time attempting control. Honestly, there wasn’t really much to tell. Just like any other time she attempted to take the reins with her ex while they were still dating, she didn’t feel as if she was satisfied enough to continue. But now, Eric helped her realize that this was actually something she liked very much.

In truth, Lizzie didn’t have a clue what she was saying. Outside of her moans, little whimpers and futile efforts to breathe, all she could really focus on was how her body reacted each time her hips grinded against Eric. It was like electric shocks coursing through her veins. If it weren’t for the fact that she still had a part of her mind hyper aware of how her body responded to this first time experience, she honestly would have come by now.

“Baby…” The word came out as a plea along with the deep exhale she very much needed. She had yet to open her eyes, too consumed by the sensations all of this was putting her through. Between Eric’s sweet, comforting words as well as his gentle, reassuring touches, Lizzie wanted so badly to give in. She wanted her body to stop fighting. She grew frustrated with how distracting it was focusing more on the fact that her thighs quivered the longer she kept herself upright. For fuck’s sake, if she could swim 800M races with consistent times, surely her legs could handle being spread apart on either side of Eric’s lap.

That was why when he finally instructed her on what to do next, Lizzie clung to his words and the feel of his firm grip on her body. By now Lizzie had finally won one small battle against her body, her eyes were open once again and staring intensely into Eric’s ocean eyes. However, the calm ocean didn’t last for very long. As soon as she lifted up her hips per his instructions, Eric’s eyes darkened with such fierce intensity and desire. It took every ounce of her energy to force her gaze to remain on his. Because as soon as she slowly slid back down his length, her mind was spinning in the flames once more erupting throughout her body.

Lizzie repeated this a couple more times, slowly riding him up and down and registering just how far up she needed to move without letting him go. Each time she felt him slip out from her heat, it was like a shock that left her begging for him. But eventually, she picked up on the exact motions she needed to keep going uninterrupted. After that, Lizzie let her body do all the work while her mind spiraled.

The room was filled with only the sounds of their moans in perfect harmony with each other. Lizzie was now moving faster in Eric’s lap. She was constantly chasing the pure desire he brought her to each time he hit a spot that hadn’t been reached before when he was on top. It was slowly becoming like a drug to her, the more she was exposed to this sensation the more she wanted it. A couple times now she felt so close, but the fear of losing this high forced her to slow for a few seconds until the impending rush faded away. Then she continued at the very pace and rhythm that would take her right back to that chase.

When she wasn’t consumed by this high, Lizzie was fighting very hard to stay with Eric. Unlike before, Lizzie found it difficult to remain present with him. And, obviously, the last thing she wanted was to lose herself while making love with him. What if she lost too much of herself that she ended up hurting him? To combat that fear, Lizzie willed herself to keep focus on her love. She had one hand buried and tangled deep in his long hair while the other was wrapped tightly around his shoulders, keeping him pressed against her. This, however, meant that she could no longer gaze into the dark abyss of his ocean eyes. So instead, her eyes stared intently on the set of numbers permanently inked onto his shoulder blades.

1795. This very date was the start of all of this, the reason they were currently making love in the middle of the common room. If Lizzie hadn’t noticed it that first time all those weeks ago, she never would have curiously asked about the significance. In which case she never would have learned about his favorite musical. Which meant that she never would have given into temptation and bought the tickets so they could see said favorite musical together in February. And if she never bought those two tickets which were now resting carefully on the desk back in their bedroom, she never would be riding the love of her life this very moment.

Suffice it to say, despite the historical significance, 1795 was turning out to be one of Lizzie’s favorite dates.

To continue her desperate need to remain present with Eric, she focused intently on the tattoo. First it was by brushing her fingers delicately across the permanent ink. But very quickly, that wasn’t enough to keep her there. So her mouth replaced her fingers. She kissed, licked, sucked and nibbled on and around the area. By the time she needed to pull back enough for some semblance of air, the tattoo and the immediate area around it was covered in darkening marks.

“Baby…” she pleaded again, cupping her hands on either side of his neck to lift his gaze to hers. Her words and the breaths she let out were frantic, mixed in with her moans and whimpers. She could feel what was about to happen. She was so close now and none of her efforts to slow down or redirect her focus were going to stop it. Mostly because she couldn’t even force her body to slow down.

Her fingers slipped through the soft strands at the nape of his neck, currently damp from the heat of their passion. Her body was growing tense with anticipation, consuming her so much that her vision started to blur with the tears welling up in her eyes.

“Eric…” Lizzie gasped as her accidental shift pushed his length deeper into that spot. It forced her eyes closed and the tears fell. But Eric’s sweet, comforting and supportive voice brought her back, asking her to look at him again. She did despite the tears.

“Please...” she tried again, leaning forward until their foreheads touched. “I can’t—” Another gasp interrupted her thoughts. Their bodies were left to continue where words failed. Lizzie moved faster while her hands moved away his neck to grasp tightly to the back of the couch. “Baby…I’m gonna come—” That was all Lizzie could say, but Eric knew exactly what she wanted.

No, what she needed.

Lizzie’s low, sultry moans rose up to near screams after she felt Eric’s hands wrap tightly around her hips, forcing her to stop. But just as soon as she felt her thighs burn again from the sudden lack of motion, she was deeply distracted by the continuation of the earlier pleasure—now brought on outside of her control. Lizzie’s back arched away from Eric’s burning body, leaving her sweat gleaming and hardened nipples bare and open to Eric’s eager lips. If only that were all that she needed to deal with. But it was the least of her worries. Because while Eric kept her upright and still in his lap, he continued where she left off. Except that where her movements had been fast and chasing, he only had one goal in mind: to claim the release she so desperately needed.

Each time he pumped into her and took back control, Lizzie felt the pent up energy he must have been holding back the entire time she led their love making. His thrusts were rough, but were so perfectly angled that she couldn’t even consider the possibility of pain. Nothing about what he was doing hurt and it was for this reason that she fully gave herself—her mind and her body—to his every command: to mold and to take.

Before she knew it, her orgasm ruined whatever remaining control she held left. As it coursed through and out of her body, Lizzie desperately clung to Eric, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders and burying her face back into his neck. His skin muffled her moans and cries. However, somewhere in the midst of the waves of pleasure rushing through her, Lizzie could have sworn she heard a voice that sounded strangely like her own telling Eric, “Please! Don’t stop!”

When she finally came down, Lizzie laid breathless and limp against Eric’s chest. She felt both exhausted and exhilarated, the high from her orgasm still wrecking havoc throughout her body. But despite her inability to move any of her limbs to climb off Eric, she felt…unsatisfied? No, that was definitely not the right word. If anything, satisfaction was the first thing she felt after coming as hard as she did. But there was something still eating at the back of her mind as she listened intently at Eric’s racing heart.

It wasn’t until she felt his length twitch between their hips did she figure it out. As satisfied as she was, there was something still left unfinished…and it wasn’t just him.

With one last deep breath, Lizzie lifted her head off Eric’s chest to find his ocean eyes again. She smiled warmly at him, pushing away the strands of hair clinging to his damp forehead. “Can we go back to the bedroom?”

There was really nothing much else Lizzie needed to say to Eric for him to understand what she meant. As thrilling as this whole experience was, it could never compare to every single emotion that came with making love in their bedroom. It wasn’t just that their bed was the setting of their first time; both the failure and success. Before all of that, it was what felt safe, comfortable and purely them. It was the one place that truly encompassed the bubble world that was theirs alone. It was without a doubt, home.

It was only right to end their first of many new experiences together where it would always feel perfect.

Their bedroom was nearly pitch black when Lizzie woke up hours later. Or, at least she assumed it was hours later. The truth was that time completely escaped her once Eric brought them back to their bedroom to continue and finish what they started in the common room.

A gentle moan escaped her lips as she shifted under Eric’s embrace, turning carefully to her other side so that she could face him. Through the darkness of their room, she could sense that he too was now awake. A smile crept onto her lips as she snaked her arms around his waist to pull him closer. “Morning~” she teased, knowing fully well that it was nowhere near morning. They definitely didn’t sleep for that long even after such a strenuous activity.

Instead of returning her teasing greeting, Lizzie felt Eric’s presence moving closer to her. Immediately after she felt his lips on hers. After such passionate love making earlier, his kiss was so sweet and it woke all of the butterflies deep in her stomach. She melted from the frisson of excitement his kiss brought on. Giddiness tickled her, distracting her from the heat radiating between their naked bodies. Honestly, she felt so weightless from his kiss and she reveled in the way he still made her feel such crush feels after everything they’ve been through together.

This was definitely a great way to spend their first Christmas Eve together. And Lizzie couldn’t help entertaining the thought of just staying in bed like this for the rest of the night.

That is until she heard an all too familiar chime repeat constantly in the distance. At first Lizzie thought she was just imagining the sound, but why she would be so hyper aware of it she had no idea. Then the sound came in louder, this time inside their bedroom. It was almost like a strange reverse echo that started from somewhere on the other side of their closed bedroom door.

For the most part, Lizzie was ready to ignore the sounds in favor of staying warm and cuddled up against Eric, savoring his sweet kisses for the rest of the night and even into Christmas Day.

However, just as she was about to bury herself deeper into his loving embrace, the high pitched chiming suddenly flipped a switch in her mind. Eyes wide, Lizzie frantically pulled away from Eric’s lips that were trailing kisses along her neck. She stiffened and her heart was racing in a panic.

“Shit…my family is calling,” she explained, as if that wasn’t already a known fact—as if she hadn’t been waiting for this very call all day. Suddenly it was very important for her to find out the time as if that would resolve their her current predicament.

After a rather intense battle with their comforter, Lizzie managed to finally climb out of bed. It was an instant regret, of course. The December chill bit into her too warm exposed skin and for a split second she froze on the spot. She waited a few extra seconds for her body to register the abrupt change in temperature before grabbing one of the blankets that had been pushed to the end of their bed to wrap around her.

By the time she made it to her desk to pull her iPad from the top of her work pile, her ringtone for FaceTime stopped filling the small space of their bedroom. It occurred to her while she was staring at the “Missed Call” notification on her iPad screen that her phone was still out in the common room—with the rest of their clothes. So there goes her idea to text Emma back after missing the call.

“Quick, we need to get dressed,” she informed Eric as she opened the middle drawer and grabbed their matching Disneyland Paris sweaters. She then pulled out their underwear drawer, reaching for the first clean pair for both of them. A part of her debated whether they could withstand the London winter’s invasion throughout the rest of the freezing flat to change back into their sweatpants out in the common room, but quickly thought against it. If they were going to go back out there, they might as well be as warm as possible.

“Um…” Lizzie briefly looked over at Eric before turning to the still closed door. “If you want, you can go ahead and shower. But I should probably set up in the common room and call them back. They’re definitely waiting for me.” After one last check of her reflection in the small vanity mirror on top of their drawer, Lizzie tightened her ponytail then grabbed her iPad from her desk.

It didn’t take Lizzie very long to conclude that most of the common room was not safe enough to take her FaceTime call with her family. Just staring at the dining table from her spot at the double doors had her blushing a deep red that was literally warming her skin. She had half a mind to just go back into the bedroom to take the call, but the thought was pushed aside when she remembered how far behind schedule they were for their Christmas Day meal prep. So the kitchen it was and she prayed that she could find the time in the middle of the call to get to work on her meal tasks.

Despite calling Emma’s number, it was Mary that filled Lizzie’s iPad screen when the call was finally answered. “Hey! We were getting worried!” Before she could even let the guilt sink in, her sister burst into laughter while she picked up whatever device they were using for the call and brought it from the family room to what looked like the kitchen. “I’m just kidding! We knew you were going to call back soon enough.”

Lizzie rolled her eyes as she climbed onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. “Sorryyyy! Eric and I fell asleep and we just woke up.” From the corner of her eye, she caught her boyfriend’s figure entering the common room. She briefly turned away from the screen to look at him, watching as he moved over to the living room area to clean up and clear out their earlier discarded clothes. Her cheeks burned again remembering what they did just a few hours ago. Thankfully the kitchen lights were not bright enough for her family to pick up on such a detail from their screen.

It took a couple extra minutes for her family to situate themselves around their end of the call. Mostly Lizzie watched as Mary collected and gathered various members of their family from different parts of the house. But even then, she watched in amusement as Mary would go off screen to grab one of their other sisters while another remained to keep her occupied, only to leave to assist with some chore shortly before Mary returned. Suffice it to say, the Darcys took much longer to gather around one screen than it took Eric to clean up the rest of the common room and join her in the kitchen.

“So,” started her dad once he took a seat between Izzy and Emma, “what have you two been up to today?”

Lizzie briefly turned to share a knowing look with Eric. Of course she didn’t expect her boyfriend to honestly share what they really had been up to before her family called. But just in case, she bumped her knee against his off-screen in warning. “Not much, to be honest,” she answered. She went on to tell her dad and any sisters that were nearby listening about how she and Eric spent the morning compiling their list of dishes for their Christmas meal. Her sisters in particular found it cute that macaroni and cheese made it on the list, but they were quick to point out to Eric specifically that it was probably for the best. Lizzie buried her face deep in her hands as they laughed after warning him about her lack of cooking skills.

“She unfortunately is the only Darcy sister that did not inherit the creative ability to work a stove,” Izzy teased with a smug grin.

“But it’s fine. What she lacks in cooking she makes up in baking,” Emma offered in Lizzie’s defense, but it was barely considered a defense considering the amused smirk on her face.

“Oh, so does this mean that you’re in charge of dessert?” Mary asked suddenly.

Lizzie smiled. “But of course! I’m making my red velvet cupcakes!” She couldn’t help the bragging tone in her voice. “I promised Eric that I would add extra sprinkle ornaments to his so he can take them with him to work tomorrow night.” The groans and jealousy comments aimed right at Eric brightened her already big grin.

She was so happy that her family effortlessly included Eric in the call. He rarely had a moment to just quietly sit beside her at the kitchen island before another member of her family asked him a question or pulled him back into the conversation. She could tell that he had initially been nervous being a part of the call, but the longer they spent just talking and laughing with her family, the more she noticed his shoulders relaxing. As she watched him talk with Jane about tips and tricks to help with tomorrow’s cooking, she placed a comforting hand on his thigh and offered him a gentle squeeze. ​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122518-----------❖ LOCATION — the bedroom-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

It was pretty safe to say that Eric hadn’t been prepared to return to Earth just yet. Not when Lizzie’s subtle movements woke him from his deep sleep. Not when her family’s call broke the postcoital bliss they had been in. And most definitely not when said family was the reason he found himself left alone in the bedroom.

He was sitting on Lizzie’s edge of the bed, hand resting on the faintly warm outline of where her body used to lay while his eyes stared at the open door. He had two options to choose from now: he could either go shower as Lizzie had suggested, or he could go join her and her family in the common room. Truthfully he wasn't exactly excited at the prospect of being with her family—more specifically of sharing her with her family. But the alternative meant he would be all by himself. And as the little grabby hands of darkness sprang to life in his heart, Eric decided he couldn't handle being alone right now.

So once dressed, he made his way out of their room—with a pit stop at the bathroom to pee—and then proceeded back into the common room. At first he was a little surprised that Lizzie was not set up on the couch where it would be more comfortable, but a quick glance at said couch answered that for him. Their clothes were strewn across the room leaving a trail from the couch to the dining table, clearly highlighting their earlier activities. So fighting against his desire to go straight over to her, Eric slowly made his way over to start cleaning.

He first picked up his long abandoned scrunchie from the couch where Lizzie's needy hands had set it free in her desperation to entangle in his hair. He didn’t bother to put his hair back up though and instead slid the fabric covered elastic over his hand, letting it settle onto his wrist. Majority of their clothes were here, scattered on the floor and the coffee table just depending where each article landed after removal. But Lizzie’s sweatpants and underwear were still on the floor at the dining table, requiring Eric to move closer to his love as he cleaned up after their love. Looking down at the table now, the thought crossed his mind to wipe it down, but a glance back to Lizzie convinced him otherwise. It had already sat for hours, a couple more wouldn’t hurt. Besides, it wasn’t like anyone else would be coming home. He could clean Lizzie off the table top later, but the clothes though, they had to go.

After dropping everything off at the laundry room, Eric returned to the common area having opted to save actually starting the laundry for later when the rumbling wouldn’t risk getting picked up on her call. He was hesitant to sit beside Lizzie once her iPad screen came into view, but as usual her gravity quickly pulled him in from his anxious orbit. He shifted in his seat, so his knees faced hers and he could lean into her space—practically leaning on her as the Darcy’s slowly filled the screen. Eric initially felt the base of his throat tighten when everyone’s attention focused on him at the realization of his appearance. He offered a polite smile and greeted everyone with a small wave and another adjustment to how he sat as though unable to get comfortable. But after nervously running through his hair, his hands settled in his lap where his fingers could fiddle with the scrunchie out of sight leaving his upper half to put his acting to the test in effort to hide his anxiety.

It wasn’t quite the same fears that had riddled him back in November when he first met them all, but certainly had a similar theme of unworthiness—this time sprinkled with Christmas cheer and seasonal depression. Eric’s focus wasn’t on the smiling Darcy family as they gradually made their way over to join the call, instead he was looking behind them at the very visible holiday decorations along the walls and surfaces. The Christmas music playing in the background, and he could practically smell gingerbread and evergreens through the screen. It was so warm and lively there. And then with a single blink he was transported back into reality.

Here in the flat it was so dark and cold. In fact, most of Eric’s Christmas’ were. How many years had he spent Christmas alone? Or wishing that he was. How long had it been since he had properly celebrated? He couldn’t even remember the last time he enjoyed the holiday.The closest thing Eric had were the troupe’s holiday parties, but as warm and welcoming as those were, they still didn’t compare to watching Lizzie’s family. And even though Lizzie had assured him last night that she was happy being here with him for Christmas, that guilt still managed to sneak back to the forefront of his mind.

Eric wasn’t completely gone though. He was still attentive to the conversation at hand, although it was clear in the way he watched Lizzie that despite her family being the source of his mild distress that her presence alone outweighed all of that. Even as her sisters spoke, his eyes were primarily glued on her image in the corner of the screen as not looking at the Darcys’ directly helped ease some of the pressure. It was easier to lean into their bubble and enjoy her joy at reuniting with her family than it was for him to make the same efforts he had last month to socialize. And Eric would have been happy and content to remain a decoration in this video call, but as he was pulled back into the conversation he found his mind having to work overtime to stay present and on task.

The mention of tomorrow's dinner was an instant reminder of how hungry he was. After all, they hadn't eaten any food since breakfast, and then every moment since getting home from the shops had been spent eating each other. How on Earth were they going to get anything done in regards to cooking when that was so prominent in their thoughts?

But it seemed to break his spell enough to finally give Eric something he was confident in talking about. Cooking was safe and neutral territory. Cooking was something everyone could relate to and it was much easier to navigate without fear of judgment. Yes if you dug deep or nitpicked the details then you could argue that class differences still existed and that Eric’s poverty stricken upbringing was highlighted by his food choices. But as anxious as he was, he trusted well enough that Lizzie’s family wasn’t out to prove a point or find some way to shame him. Yes he was awkward and uncomfortable but he wasn’t afraid of them the same way he had been when he met them all in person. Now it was just about bridging the gap and rediscovering how to socialize after having isolated himself from forming social relationships with anyone for years.

And so Eric found himself clinging to the topic as his personality finally started to shimmy its way out of him while he joined the Darcy sisters in teasing Lizzie’s cooking skills—or lack thereof. The tele-distance also probably helped Eric open up in that they could only go off of whatever he told them. It wasn’t like sharing his mother’s cookbook with Lizzie where she was quite literally touching his memories, both the good and the painful. And then there was of course the fact that Lizzie’s hand on his thigh was simultaneously helping to keep him calm but also proving to be very distracting with the all too recent memory of that hand higher up between his legs.

His legs shifted for seemingly the hundredth time, pressing together and shifting in towards her. His hand went to grab hers so as to stop it from continuing this any further. There was no doubt she meant well, but right now it was just too much for him to juggle. Eric instead slipped his fingers between hers so that she held his hand in place of his leg while their eyes met as though having a silent conversation over what was going on between them. And just like that it was just them again. The Darcy’s were long gone from his thoughts, Christmas didn’t matter and the impending darkness that had been clawing at him all month no longer could touch him. All of a sudden it wasn’t too much anymore and he nearly regretted having stopped her as he now craved her touch.

But before Eric could voice any of that his breath caught in his throat as he took in how bright her smile was. The smile that told him she had no regrets with her decision to not go home for the holidays and that always assured him that everything would be alright.

Earlier he and Lizzie had shared some Christmas memories and traditions with each other, but truthfully Eric had very few things that could count as tradition. He had a different Christmas practically every year. His favorite were of course his earliest memories when he was a tiny kid. Poor or not, they were happy and his Mum was sober. There were some years they went to church. Others they stayed in. One year they went back to his grandparents’ in Kensington. Then there were years he was dumped on the Thompson’s doorstep, to this day Eric never found out what his Mum had been up to. There were the years he stayed home alone. The years she was home but high. The years she tried to pull herself together. And then the years after she passed.

Christmas was always a pain filled whirlwind for Eric to think back on. And especially now that the most prominent memory he had of the holiday was spending the days afterwards laying in the dark by himself—

“—baby—” The gentle neediness of Lizzie’s voice gave him momentary whiplash back to the couch, but it wasn’t the sexual nature of it. It was the safety and security he felt in her presence. It was her concern, reassurance, and love that had been winning him back from the dark depths of his mind more and more with each passing day since she had first stumbled into his life.

But it was her hand squeezing his that ultimately brought his gaze back up from staring down at them to meet her eyes and realize his mind had wandered many kilometers away from the flat and he hadn’t been listening as intently for the past…well hopefully he hadn’t zoned out for too long, ”What? Sorry…”

Glancing over to the iPad he found himself face to face with a blue turtle stuffed animal next to the Peppa toy he had gotten Liam last month. And the little boy himself showing them off to the camera. Under the table Eric had pulled Lizzie’s hand further into his lap, as though sitting side by side in contact with one another simply wasn’t enough anymore. Meanwhile on screen of the call Eric’s expression softened as he adjusted his interactions to better match that of a child.

Liam only stole the spotlight for a moment though and it wasn’t long before Eric found himself once again the topic of conversation. It wasn't until there was a lull in the conversation and the sisters seemed to partly disperse for a moment that Eric finally felt comfortable pulling away himself, “Love,” his voice was so soft he didn't think she would hear him. But rather than repeating himself, Eric ended up pausing, the butterfly across his abdomen melting into hundreds of smaller ones and soaring through his heart at how quickly Lizzie’s undivided attention zeroed in on him despite his extreme subtlety.

He quietly confessed to wanting to go take that shower now, but his reluctant hesitance to leave was apparent in how he sat perfectly still, almost as though waiting for permission. Permission that Lizzie was quick to grant by assuring him that it was alright, she wasn’t sure how much longer the call would last and she didn't want to make him wait. But even after getting to his feet, Eric found himself having trouble turning to walk away. Looking down to the iPad he could just barely see his frame towering over Lizzie in the corner of the screen though mostly hidden from view at the angle. But almost instantly it was like she knew what was going through his mind as Lizzie turned to face him completely, wrapping her arms around his waist and waiting until their eyes connected before quietly thanking him for joining the call and staying as long as he had. Implying that he didn't need to rush back to be present after his shower if he didn't want to. He had done enough and she was happy he had been able to be on the call with her.

The butterflies had all landed, grounding him back in the kitchen with Lizzie and giving him a sense of security he had lacked the last time he was with her family. It was a freeing feeling and one that had him acting on instinct and habit as he leaned down into her for a kiss, the visibility of the Facetime call slipping from his thoughts as his entire being focused on Lizzie and letting her love completely envelop him.

As much as he wanted to stay at her side, stepping away proved to be the mental reset that Eric needed. It took all the self imposed pressure off and allowed him to drop his guard as he closed the bathroom door behind him.

He exhaled slowly while waiting for the water to heat up. The time with her family had actually been quite fun and he had felt welcomed and included. It was a completely different experience to how Thanksgiving dinner had been for him. But that didn’t change the fact that it had been outside of his comfort zone and as such had more of a draining effect on Eric compared to the recharge that Lizzie was no doubt receiving.

Eric’s recharge didn’t come until they were back in bed together. Legs intertwined and bodies pressed tight together with his face nestled into her neck against the visible bruises from the love bites she had accumulated throughout the day. It only took a moment until his heart fell into sync with hers and his breathing slowed as he settled into comfort and contentedness. He was out in a matter of minutes.

They usually had a very predictable routine every morning. If Eric had to leave for work he would wake up first and have to fight and force himself to leave Lizzie’s side. If he was able to sleep in then he would. Or rather, he was usually still the first one awake but he would hold her and stay in bed until she had to practically pry him off of her for her to be able to leave.

Christmas morning meant neither of them would have to wake up. They easily could have slept in till noon without a care in the world or any worry of being disturbed. But as predicted, Eric naturally woke up early. His body’s autopilot was so strong and having swapped his shifts he was so thrown off now and he had lost all sense of time. But rather than ignoring the day and trying to go back to sleep, Eric did just the opposite. Rather than dreading having to get up and fighting with his usual morning heartache, Eric woke up….almost excited? It was as though his inner child had finally caught up to him with the realization that he was spending Christmas with the love of his life. And it was that excitement that had him slipping free from Lizzie, as carefully and slowly as possible so as to not wake her, and climbing out of bed long before she would ever wake up on her own.

“Christmas tradition” had been such a heavy topic the past two days and Eric hadn’t really had anything from his own life he could share. At least not that he was consciously aware of at least. But waking up early on Christmas was something all children could relate to and something Eric hadn’t really outgrown. Whether it was because he was excited, hopeful, or worried, Eric always woke up early on Christmas. When he was really little it was pure excitement over the magic of the holiday. As he got a little older and the magic faded he had taken it upon himself to try and keep it alive by making his Mum breakfast because that was the only way he knew how to keep her with him. Once he was much older the magic was long gone and he instead would wake up unsure if she was sober or even home.

But that inner child Lizzie brought out wasn’t worried about her or them. And he wasn’t fighting to keep her with him. No, Eric was excited. But even though his reasons were different, his reactions were still the same as though he were back home in Barking: Eric had woken up early to make breakfast.

Feeding and caring for his Mum had been the only way he felt able to reach her, especially once she had stopped cooking herself. And so while Eric was comfortable enough in his relationship with Lizzie that he knew other ways to connect with her, it was still his second nature to want to take care of his loved ones in the only way he knew how.

But as Eric stood at the stove, coffee maker bubbling behind him, his eyes danced between the dining table and the coffee table trying to decide which to set for them to eat at. In the end he chose the coffee table, for the sole selfish reason of being able to sit directly beside her whereas sitting in a chair would keep them separated. Or…or should he just bring her breakfast in bed?

It didn’t take long to talk himself out of that idea. As skilled a server as he was, he didn’t really want to balance two plates and mugs into the bedroom. And besides, where would they put them when they were done? On Lizzie’s bedside table? No, they’d eat out here in the common room. And so once coffee, tea and food were all set out, all that was missing was Lizzie herself.

Pushing the bedroom door open he could see that she was still fast asleep with the blankets up to her chin as he had left them. It was still early by her standards, but it was at least a decent enough hour that Eric didn’t feel too bad at the prospect of waking her up. So he moved over to the bedside, kneeling down so he was eye level with her and then oh so gently leaning in to capture her lips in a sleeping beauty kiss.

“Happy Christmas, love.”
​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 122518-----------❖ LOCATION — kitchen-----------❖ COMPANY — technically herself
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Lizzie was a bundle of nerves as she watched Eric rip away the gift wrap from his Christmas present. However, she had no idea why she was nervous in the first place. She knew exactly what to get him for the holidays. It was the only thing she knew he would want in the entire world. Still, she couldn’t help the heavy swallow as her eyes danced between the torn away gift wrap and his face.

But here was the problem, she was still watching him open his gift. No matter how many times he pulled apart another strip of gift wrap there would be more for him to pull off.

Another strip. Then another.

And another.

And another.

She didn’t understand. When she wrapped his gift all those weeks ago, she hadn’t wrapped it in so many layers. Yet here he was unwrapping his gift as if he just picked it up. When would he finish—

Warmth and a subtle pressure jolted her away from the anxious scene in front of her. Only, when Lizzie opened her eyes to investigate the distraction, her surroundings were no longer the naturally lit common room. Instead, she was very warm under layers of blankets and comforters in her small, dark bedroom. The only light that filtered into said room came from the hallway outside the open bedroom door. And instead of watching Eric opening and continuing to open his Christmas present, he filled her entire field of vision with the most heartwarming smile she had ever seen from him in the months they have known each other.

That was when she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that everything that happened seconds before was just a dream. Because how could she possibly doubt that being woken up with a good morning kiss from the love of her life on Christmas Day could ever not be real? This. This was the real deal.

As the last images of her dream faded away from memory, a bright smile spread across her face. She pushed off her pillow to rest her weight on her elbows. “Happy Christmas, baby,” she greeted him, her voice a gentle whisper to encompass the minimal space between them in their love bubble. Her smile brightened more as she leaned into him for one more kiss.

“What are you doing out of bed already?” she questioned once they pulled away for much needed air. “Come back~ It’s much warmer under here, I promise. And I can tell you about this weird dream you just saved me from.” A giggled followed her last statement to further emphasize how silly she felt about the dream he interrupted.

Lizzie reached for Eric’s hand with the intention to pull him back in bed. But just as her fingers brushed against his warm skin, she watched him pull his hand back. Eyes wide, her gaze rose from their hands to his face. Her confusion must have been so evident on her own face, but instead of giving her any kind of answer, Eric simply chuckled. Chuckled. As if what he just did was a silly little joke. How dare he reject her invitation to stay in bed?!

Luckily for him, he was in the right mind to quickly explain that he made breakfast and that it was ready and waiting for them. Lizzie blinked. “You…made breakfast?”

Why was that information so difficult for her to process? It wasn’t like it was out of the ordinary for Eric to cook breakfast for them. Whenever they had a morning that was long enough for them to share a meal together, he would always prepare breakfast for them. To this day, he still refused to accept her help. And so, why was this morning any different? In fact, she should not have been so surprised by this one bit? It was Christmas Day and neither of them had any schedule pulling them apart for the entire morning. They had all the time in the world today to be together and do just about anything they wanted.

Lizzie briefly looked away from Eric’s warm and loving gaze to check the time. She blinked once again as the final pieces fell into place.

Yes, she was well aware that it was Christmas morning. But it was, in fact, very early Christmas morning.

“You didn’t wake up extra early just to do this, did you?” she asked, looking back at him. He explained that he was already awake when he decided to cook breakfast for them, adding that he wanted to do this. Her expression softened and her smile returned. “Eric…. Baby, that’s so sweet. Thank you~” She couldn’t help herself as she leaned in once more for another kiss.

Once she was out of bed and changed back into her hoodie and sweats, Lizzie followed behind Eric into the common room. At the double doors, her eyes turned to the dining table expecting to see the breakfast he prepared. Only, the dining table was just as bare as the night before after they finally cleaned the entire common room area. Of course, no amount of disinfectant spray was going to prevent the deep blush warming her cheeks. That memory was ingrained in her mind for the rest of her life.

Eric cleared his throat beside her, pulling her attention away from that very memory to focus on him. But instead of focusing her full attention on her love, she found herself simply distracted once again. There was something about this morning that made him look so handsome. Despite the fact that he was still in his pajamas. Despite his hair looking a little unkempt across his shoulders due to sleep. The longer he looked at her, the more she felt the butterflies in her stomach start to take flight.

In the end, he had to physically pull her attention to the actual reason they were out in the common room so early in the morning. When she managed to finally stop from staring at him, Lizzie looked upon the full display of her boyfriend’s love and good intentions. She half expected to find their usual breakfast spread sitting on the coffee table. Instead, it was their usual spread and so much more.

“Babe…” she gasped. “You really didn’t have to do all this…” She looked at him and was immediately met with the clearest expression on his face that did not need a single verbal word to further explain it: Of course he had to do this. He did it because he loves her.

That shut her up, leaving her with a silly grin spreading across her face as she stepped closer to hug him around his middle. “You are so amazing. I love it! Thank you~”

Christmas Day breakfast was just for them, protected by their exclusive love bubble. Lizzie never once considered the possibility of grabbing her phone to let the rest of the world in; not even when she briefly entertained showing off Eric’s loving gesture to the rest of her social world. In fact, her phone remained in their bedroom. The only form of technology that was welcomed in their Christmas love bubble was the television as it played Sorcerer’s Stone in the background. Lizzie reasoned with Eric—not that she actually needed a reason—that since there is a Christmas scene in the movie, it was considered a Christmas movie. This then led them down a rabbit hole discussion about other movies that would technically fit that same category, but this topic was left inconclusive once Lizzie moved them onto another topic.

After breakfast, Lizzie insisted on helping Eric clean up and wash the dishes. As she rinsed off the now clean dishes and handed them to Eric to dry, she looked past him to stare at the small pile of Christmas presents. She was struggling to hide her eagerness to open presents with him. However, there was a small part of her that was nervous to ask him. Even though she bought him gifts for Christmas, she was more than well aware of the complicated relationship her love had with accepting them. And then add what she learned from Diana, she was in a constant battle with herself to either pluck up the courage to ask or wait for him to offer up the idea.

But…she just couldn’t stop her skyrocketing curiosity from being distracted by the rectangular present sitting between her and Olivia’s gifts to Eric with her name written in his very obvious handwriting.

In the end, Lizzie couldn’t contain herself any longer. After they put away all of the dishes and collected most of the ingredients they would need to cook their Christmas dinner and lunch, Lizzie turned her full attention back to Eric. “Babe?” she asked hesitantly. “Before we get to work slaving away in the kitchen, would you be down to open our presents first?”

Lizzie was now compelled to grab her phone. While Eric once more made camp in the living room area, tasked with grabbing their gifts from the rest of the pile, she returned to their bedroom to get her phone. As she returned to the common room, she skimmed the multiple notifications waiting for her. Almost all of them were from her friends here in London wishing each other “Happy Christmas” on the various group chats she shared with them. One of them, of course, was from the flat group chat. It started with Malcolm and everyone else followed. Lizzie quickly sent a greeting back from both her and Eric before moving on to other messages.

“Hey,” she said, “so Olivia texted me. She said that if we’re going to be opening presents today that we need to FaceTime her when you open hers.” She looked up from her text thread with Olivia to watch Eric’s reaction. He looked contemplative, as if tossing over his options between opening Olivia’s present now or waiting for when she gets back before New Year like the rest of the flat. She left him in this silent contemplation for a few more seconds as she took her place beside him on the couch. Then, now sitting with her leg tucked under her so that she better faced him, she offered, “I think it’s a cute idea. You get to open your gift from her and you get to see your best friend on Christmas Day.”

When Eric was finally convinced, Lizzie sent a quick text back to Olivia letting her know that they would be opening presents soon. Her flatmate didn’t immediately respond back, but that was honestly to be expected considering she herself didn’t respond until nearly an hour later. Oh well, it wasn’t like she was going to let Eric open Olivia’s presents first. It was still very much their time.

Lizzie stared intently at the two gifts sitting in front of them on the coffee table. Her gift from Eric was placed right in front of her and she once again focused on the little square gift tag with her name written on it. Her pulse was racing with excitement knowing that whatever Eric bought her was going to be so special.

The truth was that Lizzie hadn’t expected Eric to get her a gift this Christmas. After everything she knew and continued learning about his debt, she prepared herself for that. She never wanted him to feel pressured to get her anything and she even mentioned this to him. So to find one of the gifts with her name written on it in his handwriting threw her off-kilter. However, it didn’t take her long to realize that if he went through the trouble of finding her a gift for Christmas this year, he did it knowing he would be sacrificing whatever funds he had left this month—such as funds that could have been used last week for their failed date night—to ensure he got her a gift. And that alone stopped her from even entertaining the possibility of uttering the words “You didn’t have to do this.” Eric Oliver knew he didn’t have to do this. He knew she would never hold it against him if he didn’t give her anything this year.

Yet he still did, and she was filled with gratitude for him. Gratitude and love.

Lizzie quietly reached for Eric’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze until he slipped his fingers through hers. With all of these thoughts running through her mind, she felt compelled to delay gift opening to just shower him with all the love she could humanly offer him at this very moment. “Eric?” She didn’t even wait for him to fully look at her before she closed the distance between them by climbing onto his lap then kissing him.

Their kiss remained a tender moment. While there were a couple instances when touches turned suggestive, it never went that far. It seemed there was an unspoken agreement between them that this was enough. As much as Lizzie would enjoy making love to him right before opening Christmas presents, just having him and his kiss like this was all that she needed right now. “I love you,” she sighed out before he reclaimed her lips with a brush of his tongue.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a giggle, resting her forehead against his. “I think my emotions just got the better of me.” She fell silent as she melted into the feel of his warm touch on her skin just under her sweater. If she had her way, they would stay like this for the rest of the day and for the rest of their lives.

“Come on,” she said as she reluctantly climbed off Eric’s lap. “Let’s not delay opening these presents any longer. I’m dying to open this!” Once she was sitting at his side, Lizzie leaned toward the coffee table and picked up Eric’s gift from her first. She handed it to him with an almost painful grin on her face. “Merry Christmas, Eric~”

Now that they both had their presents in hand, Lizzie flashed Eric one more excited smile then went to work ripping the gift wrap off hers. She also split her attention watching him open his gift, momentarily remembering her dream from earlier while watching as the familiar box peeked through the gift wrap. When she finally pulled the last of the gift wrap off her gift, Lizzie turned away from Eric fully to look down at her lap. Her eyes widened. Then a second later, they softened as her wide grin turned tender.

“Oh, my god…” The words escaped her softly with her exhale. Ever since she pulled away the gift wrap, Lizzie hadn’t torn her eyes away from the front. It was beautiful, but she couldn’t stop reading the words looking right back at her: The Complete Novels of Jane Austen.

When she looked over at Eric, she caught him in the midst of staring at his gift; the red Scrabble box completely covering his lap. Her chest tightened from nervous excitement. She wasn’t exactly nervous that he wouldn’t like his gift. Honestly, she knew that he would. Eric rarely expressed interest in much, but she knew with 100% certainty that he loved Scrabble. She was actually nervous about how he would react now that he owned his very own set. As her hands brushed delicately over the leatherbound book on her lap, she watched Eric’s face carefully. Watched as his eyes took in what was resting on his lap then softening with complete recognition. Then, those beautiful ocean eyes lit up with the same excitement she felt the moment she saw that he fully opened his gift. When he turned those bright eyes to her, she was gone. Her heart fluttered at the knowledge that she helped put that smile on his face.

For a moment, she remembered the photos still hidden away in her desk drawer; of the little boy smiling from ear to ear with childhood innocence. She never thought that she would actually see that smile in real life…until it was aimed directly at her.

Lizzie returned his smile with one of her own before dropping her gaze back down to her book. “Thank you for this, babe. This honestly means so much.” She reached for the ribbon poking out from the bottom of the book, pulling it until it split the pages it was between apart. As the book opened, she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. “Did you put this bookmark here?!” she asked incredulously. Because what were the odds that the bookmark would be right at the beginning of her favorite Austen novel? She smiled as she read the first few paragraphs of the first chapter, the words just as clear in her mind as they are on the page. She hadn’t read any Austen novel since she left her own copies back in California. So to read the words she knew almost by heart right at this very moment, she was filled with emotions that once felt familiar and almost welcoming but over the past few months started to feel like a memory.

“I love you,” she said as she stared deep into his eyes. She wanted so badly to kiss him again, but fought just as badly to stop herself for fear that if she dared kiss him right now, they would never be able to do anything else.

“Do you want me to go grab my iPad? To call Olivia? Pretty sure she’s waiting for us now,” she asked. They had at last placed their gifts back on the coffee table. But while she put hers down to give her lap a rest—it was quite a heavy book after all—she knew the second she saw the look on Eric’s face that he put his Scrabble set down with other intentions for his hands. As badly as she wanted him to follow through with his desires, she once again had to remind herself that they still had plenty other things to do today.

When she returned to the common room, the childlike excitement on Eric’s face was replaced with reluctance. From the way he let his eyes wander across her body, it didn’t take Lizzie very long to understand why. She could practically hear his voice in her mind. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to his best friend when he wanted her.

She smiled sympathetically at him, once more taking a seat beside him on the couch. His hands were immediately finding their spots across her body while his lips found purpose on her neck. She giggled against his touch. They honestly tickled her more than tempted her. As she tried to wiggle away from his torturous touch, she tried to reason with him that if they get this call over with they can do whatever else they wanted, just them.

“Happy Christmas, you two!” When Olivia’s face appeared on her iPad screen, Lizzie guessed that she must have been in her bedroom. There were background noises, but they were faint. After a bit of catching up, Eric and Olivia went straight to business. Lizzie insisted that she was okay opening her gifts when Olivia returned before New Year. Because technically, Olivia requested this FaceTime call so that she could watch Eric open his gifts. As she placed the small pile between her and Eric on the couch, she couldn’t help laughing at the look Eric threw at his best friend through the screen. It’s always so refreshing watching the two of them interact. She then helped Eric open his gifts, whether it was by handing him whichever one Olivia wanted him to open next or by moving the now discarded gift wrap out of the way.

As Lizzie moved the now opened presents to the coffee table, she picked up a moment of silence on the other end. But by the time she returned to her spot on the couch, Olivia’s face was once more filling the screen. “Eric, my parents are asking to talk to you. Greet you and all that. Do you mind?”

Lizzie too looked at Eric closely. She knew enough about the Thompsons to know that they were more than just Eric’s best friend’s parents. In a way, they were like a second set of parents for him. They helped look after him during the times when his mother couldn’t. She remembered being told that they would have been more than happy to have him over this year for the holidays.

But after glancing at Eric through her iPad, she turned to see that he was hesitant. Why he would be hesitant, she had no idea.

“Hey,” she said to him, placing a comforting hand on his thigh. “Why don’t you go ahead and talk to her parents for a bit? I can work on decorating my cupcakes in the meantime. I’ll be in the kitchen.” After a silent moment, Lizzie offered Eric a reassuring squeeze then excused herself from the call to head over to the kitchen.

The ingredients for the frosting were all laid out right beside a light green container with a clear cover. Inside housed the red velvet cupcakes she baked last night after she finished her FaceTime call with her family and before they went to bed. The cupcakes were all perfectly cool now and ready to be decorated. Lizzie grabbed one of the mixing bowls and went to work measuring out her ingredients. However, the whole time she measured, mixed and incorporated all of her ingredients, she constantly glanced over at the other end of the common room, watching as Eric interacted with the rest of Olivia’s family…Diana included. She mostly focused on whenever he spoke to one of Olivia’s parents, witnessing first hand the kind of relationship they had with one another. ​