xoxo ◣ i should °TELL YOU ⋮⋮ feelsHASkilig && JINFINITE

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 102918-----------❖ LOCATION — boundary-----------❖ COMPANY — sgt. pepper’s lonely hearts club band
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

He wouldn’t look at her—he couldn’t look at her. If he looked at her now there was no way he would be able to stay strong against her. He wouldn’t be able to maintain this emotional distance between them. If he broke and looked at her then in just seconds he would have her in his arms again while he confessed to all that had been tormenting him. No, he couldn’t do that to her. She didn’t need him—she shouldn’t have to put up with him. But how was he supposed to explain that to her now while his heart crumbled more and more each time she said his name?

And then she touched him, but this time he didn’t pull away. He longed to take her little hand in his to the point that his own fingers twitched in his lap and he slowly tightened them into fists trying to force the feeling out, ”No, it’s fine...don’t bother yourself over it.” But then she removed her hand and Eric could feel the cold temperature between them rush to chill the warmth her hand had left behind. She was practically yelling at him now.

Eric wasn't one to complain, he never had been. He more than most people had every right to but despite everything he’d been through he had always just internalized all his struggles and hardships. He'd had such a hard life working multiple jobs, overly demanding jobs, illegal jobs…but time after time he just kept it to himself. Not a peep about how sore he’d been from sleeping in his car or how he had to wait until lunch the next day in order to eat. He had never gotten a chance to express his hardships while his mother was alive, nor his grief after she died. From the moment the funeral was over and Eric was left standing alone in his mother ’s flat it was either step up into this brutal life or step down, and while joining his mother would have been the easy way out he had always been too scared to even consider that as an option.

She had put herself in front of him now and Eric dropped his head slightly to keep her out of sight.

And there it was. The reality. The proof. Lizzie had said his point exactly: you could be doing something else. Lizzie didn’t have to keep waiting for him. She shouldn’t keep waiting for him. Not when he clearly couldn’t give her anything she wanted. That should have been Eric’s cue to speak his mind but instead he was stunned silent as the weight of those words sat heavy on his heart and physically pulled him down. His shoulders had tensed now, his fists tightening until his fingernails dug painfully into the palms of his hands.

By the time Lizzie mentioned the last five years, Eric was internally screaming for her to stop. This was not the conversation he wanted to be having. This was everything he was trying to keep her from, everything he was terrified for her reaction when she found out, everything that—that she already knew? His eyes shot up to her for the first time since she arrived. This was turning out to be like that day on the couch all over again when he had tried to tell her parts of his life only to find out that she already knew. A drinking game? That had to have been Flat Night….just what on earth had she been told?! This was the first moment Eric had actually been ready to respond. The confusion was quickly infiltrating the stoic mask he’d been wearing but Lizzie pressed on, not giving him the chance to interject and discover what she was talking about.

At the mention of Howard’s name, Eric finally broke the eye contact he’d been holding as he got to his feet and turned away from Lizzie with a sharp inhale. No, please, stop. Don’t go there Lizzie. He didn’t want that Eric to become her mental image of him. If he told her about those years then that would be what she forever associated with him in her mind and she was the one person on this planet that he wouldn’t be able to handle if she rejected him for it. He wouldn’t be able to stand those loving eyes of hers looking at him with such pity if she learned the truths he hid, ”Why…?”

Eric slowly turned back to face her now, his frustration clearly pulling his temper out with it. But this rare show of his anger wasn’t a bitter or violent one, it was the kind that came with the disappointment of playing a game thinking you have a chance and then finding out once you lost that the game was rigged all along—he’d never stood a chance, ”Why do you need to know so badly? Why can’t you just leave it alone? It’s over. It happened already—there’s nothing you can do about it now.”

“Some things just can't be fixed.“

Some people can't be saved.

He should have just ended it there. He should have just called it quits and left, but Lizzie’s words had spun him like a wind up toy and he couldn’t stop until he’d run his course, ”You seem to be finding out whatever you want regardless of if I tell you so what difference does it make? Why don’t you just go ask Olivia since you two are best mates now anyways?”

”Olivia, Olivia—Olivia doesn’t bloody know as much as you seem to think she does.” Oh no. Double oh no. Not only had he snapped at her, but he had admitted to more than he intended to. He immediately turned his head away as the floodgates to his regret fell and left him drowning in it. He hated this. This wasn’t him—this wasn’t them. How could he have let this happen? Why had he allowed all his insecurities to come out to play right now of all times? She had been so worried for him. He had been so worried for her. What should have been a happy reunion spent showered in unconditional love and relief for the other’s safety had instead turned into this ugly mess of hurt and misunderstandings stacked so tall that to learn the truth would completely shatter their world.

”Fuck…” the word rode out under a shaky breath while his hand ran through his hair and then grabbed a fistful of it as Eric held his breath for a moment in his attempt to calm down. When he finally allowed his lungs to relax he had to force himself to speak because the sound of his heart pounding in his throat had filled the silence for far too long now, ”Somethings are just... better left unsaid,” he was so scared to look at her now but at the same time he had to. He needed to. He had to see for himself how affected she was by this entire conversation—no, by this argument. He had to reassure himself that this was right. That this was for the better. That even though this had been the last thing he had wanted to put her through, it would okay be even if she hated him now; so long as it kept her safe.

How twisted was it that he would rather she hate him than for her to learn his deepest, darkest secrets…this whole thing had gotten way out of control.

”Lizzie, I—“

I’m so stupid.
I’m so sorry.
I’ll tell you everything.
I love you.
I can’t live without you.
I’d do anything for you.
I—

”...I have to go to work,” Eric crossed back over to the couch where his jacket had been draped over the back since he had gotten back from the cafe oh so many hours ago. He didn’t make any efforts to put it on just yet though. His feet felt as though they were encased in lead and kept him glued in place for a moment too long. This was his chance, his chance to take everything back and put out all that he should’ve said instead. It would be so easy to just stay, ask her to sit down and they could really talk this out. He had already missed rehearsal for her, he could miss work too. Hell, he already had. He had left the hotel for her sake and ended up in Barking. That was what had messed this all up for them. Eric had given up his whole life for her, a sacrifice that had turned around and stabbed him in the back.

He took one last glance over to her now, his expression still cold while his voice instead held an utterly defeated tone to it, as though he had seen the future and it held nothing but inconsolable despair, “...there’s food in the fridge...you should take it for lunch tomorrow….“

He’d been in this position before. Not with Lizzie obviously, but with his mother. How many times had he waited up for her just to be disappointed? How many times had he made dinner for her just to be blown off and see her stumble in when the sun came up? How often had he given her the same speech Lizzie just gave him and then had to go work all night just to keep food on the table while she wasted away at home? How often had he wondered how things would have turned out had he been different? That maybe he was the outlier in this equation. Well it was clear now that he was the issue here and it wasn't right for him to subject Lizzie to the same experiences he’d gone through.

He used to often think about what life would have been like for his mother had he never been born. She probably would've found a man who truly loved her. Gotten a well paying job and a cute little cottage style house far far away from Barking. She never would have gone broke trying to single handedly raise him. She never would have turned to drugs as her escape. She never would have accumulated such an unimaginable debt. It wasn't fair to blame himself, he’d had no control over being born—but he still did. When his grief wasn't manifesting as hatred towards her than it was directed at himself in a brutally twisted form of guilt.

And that's where he stood now with his hand on the double doors. He wasn't mad at Lizzie, he never had been. No, he cared deeply for her, just as he had his mother. He was mad at himself for everything that he wasn't. Mad that doing his best wasn’t good enough; it hadn’t saved his mother and now it was dragging Lizzie down with him.

If Lizzie had tried to say something, he didn’t hear it. Eric exited the common room, ensuring the door shut behind him to give her that much at least before he hightailed it out of the flat while shrugging on his jacket before the chilly October night air could get him.

For the first time in over a month, Eric walked to work just like old times. He needed to cool down and clear his head, but it was also where he belonged. this was what he knew best, this was how he’d spent most of his adult life. He deserved this walk in the cold. This was who he was, not the posh university student attending dinner parties who would fit so perfectly into her life. He couldn’t offer that lifestyle to Lizzie. He had nothing to offer her, not happiness nor safety. They came from such polar opposite lives. How was he supposed to make her understand—well—anything? He couldn’t, that’s how…not without telling her all the truths he had avoided tonight. But to admit those truths would be the end...there would be no coming back from that. Eric couldn’t take that risk—but that guy with the car popped into his head and reignited that anger within, keeping him warm the entire rest of the walk. He would rather stay fixated on that feeling than seeing Lizzie’s face on the verge of tears imprinted in his memory forever.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110518-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — no one
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

No. This was not what Lizzie wanted to happen. This was not how she wanted this night to end. God, why couldn’t anything go her way tonight?

Lizzie stared wide eyed and scared as Eric found his way out. Work? Really? She turned her gaze towards the clock in the room. It was barely nine. Why did he need two hours to get to the hotel? He didn’t walk to the city anymore. Olivia gave him his own Oyster card to use for public transportation. No. He can’t use work right now to excuse himself from being part of this conversation. No. It wasn’t a conversation. Lizzie was fooling herself. She knew deep down among the broken pieces of her heart that this was a full on argument. And Eric was out here ready to tap out before anything could be resolved.

No. Lizzie refused to believe him. Things can be fixed when the dedication and commitment is there. Lizzie was dedicated. She was committed. She was in for this, for all of this.

It was the first rule of any relationship: Don’t go to bed angry. Sure, technically Eric would not be going to bed at all tonight. But all literal meaning aside, she could not allow him to walk out those double doors with everything they just threw at each other hanging between them. That is not how they fix the damage done from earlier. Lizzie wanted to fix this.

“Eric, stop. Don’t do this!” Lizzie pleaded, finally getting up off the couch to approach him. But then he turned and she felt his cold gaze freeze her entire body. She literally found it impossible to move a single body part. It felt like one wrong move could cause her frozen body to crack and then shatter into a million pieces.

Eric was already at the double doors when her ability to move returned. Thank God she closed the doors. It was one obstacle he had to push his way through to get his way. The closed double doors were her one chance to make things right.

“Fine,” she called out, crossing her arms over her chest. “If you really have to go to work now, can we at least finish this tomorrow?”

And then, she received the worst possible response. Nothing. Eric acted as if he didn’t hear a single word she just said. He didn’t even offer her a split second to consider her proposal before he pushed past his one obstacle and opened the double doors. Lizzie held her breath, terrified that if she did not get a response he would never come back. She forced a foot forward to approach him before he could walk out. But he was too quick. She only achieved two steps before the double doors closed on her. Lizzie gasped, staring dumbfounded and crushed at the doorknobs.

That was it. He was gone. Even if she told herself that she still had a chance to make things right, it wouldn’t matter. His escape would always be way ahead of her.

With that realization, Lizzie’s hands flew up to cover her face. The tears ran down hot, they felt like they were burning her cheeks. That was it. He was gone. And he turned out to be right. Some things just can’t be fixed. Not anymore.

“Lizzie?” came a voice that she knew immediately wasn’t Eric. “Why are the doors—Lizzie, what happened?!” A pair of arms wrapped around her. Now that the voice was closer—loud enough to hear over her sobs—she now knew that it was Olivia. It was near impossible to pull Lizzie out of her curled up position. She kept her head buried into her knees as she hugged her legs tight against her chest. Everything hurt. It hurt to breathe, cry, think…feel. God, this pain she felt inside was beyond torture.

It was hard to tell how long it took before Olivia finally got Lizzie to cooperate...to an extent. She did manage to get the poor girl to uncurl out of the ball she positioned herself in, but trying to get her to say anything regarding why she was found alone in the common room sobbing her eyes out was impossible. When Malcolm and Ricki were recruited to help, the most they could do as a team was get Lizzie to drink some water and then bring her to bed. They then handed her off to Ricki to assist in getting her changed and tucked in bed. The last thing Lizzie remembered before she just completely shut off and went numb was Olivia telling Malcolm and Ricki that she needed to call Eric.

The only reason Lizzie managed to get any sleep that night was the sheer exhaustion she felt from crying for as long as she had. However, that is not to say she got enough sleep. When she next woke up, her bedroom was still dark. The time on her phone indicated that it was half passed three. She needed to go back to sleep. She no longer felt numb to the pain she felt earlier. Laying in bed, staring at the dark ceiling above her, her argument with Eric replayed in high definition in her head. It left her feeling like she was being weighed down by a force just ready to crush her underneath.

This was all too much for her to take. She didn’t want to feel any of this anymore.

When sleep did not come, Lizzie quietly slipped out of her bedroom. Her arms were full carrying her manuscript, iPad and laptop. As she returned to the common room, she forced herself not to look over at the living room area. She constantly told herself to not look at the couches. Forget about the pile of blankets and pillows. Forget about the guitar in the case propped up against the arm of the longer couch. Just. Forget.

Lizzie set up camp at the dining table, her back towards the couches. She kept her iPad and laptop to the side for now as she pulled her manuscript in front of her and flipped to the last chapter she read. It was currently quarter to four. As she tightened her blanket around her shoulders, Lizzie rubbed the sleep from her eyes before concentrating on the words across the pages.

The vibration from her phone as her alarm went off shocked Lizzie awake. The moment she jumped from the shock, she hissed and groaned then reached up to massage her neck. How long did she sleep for? She couldn’t even remember how long she read her manuscript before she knocked out. As she continued to let the alarm go off, Lizzie let out a wide, tired yawn. Her neck was killing her. Today was going to be a long day.

Throughout the entirety of her Tuesday schedule, Lizzie held on to the hope that Eric would be at the flat when she got home. She wanted to believe that he was on the same page as her. Maybe, just maybe, his overnight shift gave him time to think that he was actually wrong in his beliefs; that some things can be fixed after all. If he wanted this enough, he just needed to try. Just work with her to overcome this situation and get through this.

Despite this hope, Lizzie stood frozen at the front door of the flat later that afternoon. Not frozen from the late October chill that was now part of the UK weather. No, she was frozen on the spot because the last of her lingering hope was gradually fading, leaving her with doubt. She was afraid now.

Each step she took once she got inside felt heavy. The almost dead silence in the flat made her nervous. As she drew closer to the open double doors, Lizzie held her breath. In just three more steps, she would learn the truth: where she and Eric stand after last night.

Two more steps.

One more step….

It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what Lizzie was feeling staring at the neat pile of blankets and pillows on the longer couch. Everything in her hurt all at once and she could not focus on any of them. Eventually, she couldn’t stand being in the living room. She let out a deep sigh as defeat won over her. “Fine…”

When Eric did not return to the flat at all on Tuesday, Lizzie shut herself from the rest of the flat. By now, she sensed the others knew or had some idea what was going on with her and Eric. The pointed looks and awkward silences when she managed to step out of her bedroom for something in the kitchen told her everything. She was used to this; she experienced this before. The inability to know the right thing to say to someone that was hurting; that was beyond heartbroken. The tension that entered a room over the fear that the broken hearted heard anything of their topic of conversation which was usually the culprit of the heart break. From that moment on, Lizzie just shut herself out. While she was in the flat she focused all of her attention on avoiding any thoughts about Eric by reading her manuscript or studying.

Wednesday morning, she once again woke up long before anyone else in the flat did. Instead of tossing and turning in bed until she inevitably gave up, Lizzie climbed out of bed with this intense urge to go back into the pool. She remembered how much swimming got her through her last heartbreak. Granted, she completely overlooked the small detail that her laser focus on swimming was the reason she inevitably quit all together. She just really missed the water.

Instead of returning to the flat after her swim, Lizzie decided after changing into her old training suit to just go straight to school afterwards. She could shower at the centre. If she arrived on campus early, she could always just chill in the library and get more work done. Lizzie received a couple strange looks from Anna and the others when she arrived for class later that morning carrying her backpack and her old swim bag. Sophie attempted to ask questions about this new, strange routine. Just like the flat, however, Lizzie refused to answer. She merely shrugged then dropped her bags at her feet as she took a seat.

It slipped her mind entirely that it was Halloween. She just wasn’t in the mood to celebrate this year.

Thursday morning, Lizzie once again returned to the pool for some morning laps. She returned to the flat this time, but only to stay long enough to pack her carry on luggage. Patricia had her first class at nine and she wanted to be at her friend’s flat before then so she wasn’t stuck with her luggage until the afternoon.

Since Tuesday, Lizzie found it impossible to stay in the flat. Everything about it reminded her of Eric despite her efforts to distract herself with reading or studying. All she had to do was look up from her manuscript or her screen to recall the time he sat on her desk chair the first day he went into her room. Or the stool he sat on in the kitchen when they went over his most recent script together. Or how she always seemed to gently slide closer to him on the couch. Nothing in the flat was without some reminder of him. And she was done with it. In the end, she asked Patricia if she could come over a day earlier than was originally planned. Patricia said yes and even went out of her way to invite Beth to come over early as well.

When her Uber driver pulled up in front of Patricia’s flat, Lizzie double checked the Google Calendar app she had open on her phone. During the drive, she added two schedules to the flat’s shared calendar. The first was letting them know that she was staying at her friend’s starting today. The second was scheduled on the sixteenth: her family was coming to London. Her dad called her the night before to give her two weeks notice to prepare for their arrival. Apparently, the Darcy family has been planning in secret to come to London for Thanksgiving. Any excuse to come visit.

It turns out that Lizzie needed this more than she initially expected. Now that she was away from the flat and away from all the memories of Eric, she felt like she could finally breathe. It also helped that with Beth and Patricia uninvolved with her love life, all it took was for Lizzie to mention that it wasn’t going too well right now for them to step back and contribute to her need for a distraction. Before she knew it, they were clocking out from their internship on Friday. They decided to stay in at Patricia’s flat to finalize what they would be bringing to Paris with them.

While Lizzie struggled throughout the week to avoid thinking about Eric, Saturday was both a blessing and a curse. From the moment she woke up Saturday morning, she and the girls were all a ball of stress rushing to get ready for work. Turns out, having three people with the exact same schedule in a small flat with a single bathroom was a bit of a nightmare. Someone should have had the foresight to shower the night before. The three managed to make it out of the flat at a decent time because Lizzie decided to not wash her hair during her shower.

The fun did not stop there. Despite how many Saturday meetings she’s attended since the start of her internship, Lizzie was always nervous presenting her report for her assigned manuscript. This is even taking into consideration that Lizzie managed to finish reading the manuscript in three days and walked into the meeting rather prepared. The plus side, she finally went into her meetings well-rested and without some form of ailment from the night before (i.e. a hangover).

After their meetings it was a mad dash back to Patricia’s flat to grab their luggage. From there they needed to hop into an Uber to catch their scheduled departure on the Eurostar to Paris. Their efforts to keep their schedules back to back was commendable. But the fact that they all were basically panting in between victorious giggles when they made it to the train told them that maybeeee it was best not to try this schedule again.

In two hours, the girls arrived in beautiful Paris. Lizzie was beyond excited. From the train, Lizzie and the girls went straight to their Airbnb. The moment they stepped inside their weekend home away from home, they all let out a relaxing breath. Their fast paced, stressful morning was finally over. Now, they can relax and enjoy their weekend.

Saturday was spent taking in the sights around the city. Both Lizzie and Patricia followed Beth’s lead on this as their trustee French speaker. If they ever got lost, they knew who to blame. Like any group of tourists, there was an endless list of places to go and see around the beautiful city. Lizzie practically had her phone glued to her hand ready to take pictures and post on her Instastory or Snapchat. She documented just about everything she could from notable sights to all the good eats.

When they returned to their Airbnb well after eleven that night, Lizzie was still running on the high of her weekend getaway. While her friends got ready for bed, she laid out on the couch scrolling through all her pictures and videos. It was when she stopped on a photo from the Tuileries Garden that the high started to fade. A heaviness set in suddenly making it difficult for her to breathe again. Lizzie stared at the photo, fixated specifically on the large ferris wheel she captured in the background. She was immediately transported to that Friday night she and Eric explored London together. For the first time since she stepped foot in Paris, she was stuck wishing he was here with her right now enjoying these sights.

For the first time all week, he was the last thing on her mind before she went to sleep.

Sunday morning, Lizzie was not the first one up. She could hear her friends talking in hushed tones, but she did not want to show signs that she too was awake. As her friends continued their chat, Lizzie sneaked her hand under her pillow to pull out her phone. There were messages and social media notifications waiting for her. But...none of them really mattered. Not as much as wishing Eric was one of these messages. Maybe...maybe she should be the one to make the first move.

Lizzie moaned softly, turning onto her back so she could sit up. Her friends greeted her and took this as a cue to get up and get ready for Disneyland. Meanwhile, Lizzie remained in bed with Whatsapp open to Eric’s text screen. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard.

Hi Erase.​

Good morning Erase.​

Hey Erase.​

Are we okay?​

Lizzie stared at the message longer than the previous attempts. For a split second her thumb lingered over the send button. But as Beth stepped out of the bathroom dressed for the day, Lizzie erased the message. She closed the app then got out of bed. She would have to worry about Eric later. Right now, it was Disney time.

“Oh, my God! Lizzie, no! You are crazy! I am not going on that again!” Lizzie led the way out of the gift shop, a wide grin across her face. She could still feel the adrenaline rush flowing through her veins. She was excited. She was pumped. She was so down for an immediate round two on Tower of Terror. Her friends on the other hand needed a little persuading. They did not seem thrilled at the prospect of having their stomachs floating in their throats for a couple seconds.

“Oh, come on! At least you two are prepared for it now! I promise it’s more enjoyable after the first time!” It should be noted that among the three of them, Lizzie was the only avid Disneyland goer. Back in LA she and Lacey would often drive straight to Disneyland after classes or whenever they were bored at home. Getting an annual pass for Disneyland was one of the first things she did when she moved to LA for school. So despite this being the first time she’s ever been to Disneyland Paris, she had her own pre-existing knowledge of the park to know what she wanted to do while she was here for the day. Unfortunately for her companions, riding Tower of Terror was one of those activities. As much as she considered Guardians of the Galaxy more fun, she had to admit that she missed Tower of Terror sometimes. And here it was, right in front of her!

In the end, the majority vote went to no on round two. Lizzie surrendered and agreed to go on the Ratatouille ride. There was much more to see and just one day to do it all.

Many rides, much walking and a bit of shopping later, Lizzie and her friends ended their Disney trip with a nighttime show. They returned to their Airbnb exhausted, but happy and satisfied. While the three talked and recapped some of the best parts of their Disney day, Lizzie stationed herself in front of her luggage to carefully pack all the souvenirs she bought. It was a good thing she still knew how to pack light for trips. By the time they returned to London, it was going to be pretty full.

On Monday, the girls had to prepare to say au revoir to Paris. Although they all wanted to stay one more day, they had to face the reality that they were adults and it was probably best not to skip class. After one last sweep of their Airbnb to make sure they have everything, Lizzie and her friends collected their things to leave for the Eurostar. As it was very early in the morning, they decided to take a taxi. It really was a blessing that Beth was fluent in French.

They arrived back in London with enough time to return to Patricia’s flat and prepare for school. Admittedly, Lizzie was in brighter spirits. A little tired, but the moment she took her usual seat beside Anna at her first class of the day, she was ready to tell her everything she could about her trip. Even though she basically saw most of it all over her social media. Sometime later, Anna teased that Lizzie should just be a vlogger.

Lizzie clung to these high spirits for as long as she could. But as soon as her last class was dismissed for the day, the small sense of dread that lingered in the back of her mind slowly slithered its way to the front. Whether she liked it or not, she had to go back home. She’s been away from the flat for four days now.

But...maybe she can hold off on going home for another hour?

When she returned to Patricia’s flat to pick up her luggage, the two decided to grab dinner first before she went home. Beth already went home by then having dropped by to pick up her things during her three hour break. Patricia took Lizzie to this French restaurant near her flat. Wow, they missed Paris already.

When Lizzie decided it was time to finally face the music and go back to the flat, it was evening time and too late for her to be rolling her luggage through the Underground. She had no choice but to take an Uber home.

Outside the flat, Lizzie immediately noted that Malcolm and Olivia’s cars were not parked out front. In fact, it didn’t even look like anyone was home. “They’re probably out celebrating Bonfire Night,” her Uber driver explained. Obviously it slipped Lizzie’s American mind that today was technically a holiday for the English. Well, that explains the fireworks.

In truth, Lizzie was kind of glad her flatmates were gone when she came home. She missed them - most of them - sure, but she just was not ready to face them. Her last memory of her flatmates was their silent uncertainty over her breakdown after her argument with Eric.

Eric….

Lizzie sighed deeply. She missed him. She missed him so much. Now that she was home, she missed him even more. But she knew that even if he was still coming over to the flat, he wouldn’t be returning tonight. He had rehearsals and then work right after. She sighed again as she lifted her luggage on top of her bed. It’s been a whole week since their argument. She hadn’t heard from him once, nor had she made any effort to commit to reaching out. She just couldn’t. There was something, deep down, buried in the remaining pieces of her slow mending heart, that clung to the belief that they could still fix this. The problem was her fear of trying. She was afraid that if she reached out he would reject her. Maybe in the week they were apart he decided he didn’t want to be with someone so clingy and needy.

Lizzie unzipped her luggage and tossed it open. On the very top of the stacks of clothes, was a rather large hoodie with the Disneyland Paris logo printed in front. Right above the graphic of a smiling Mickey Mouse. Lizzie took a deep breath. Until now, she had no idea why she bothered buying this hoodie. At the time that she bought it, a voice in the back of her mind told her that it was pointless to buy it. It wasn’t for her. Why spend that unnecessary money?

Her chest tightened suddenly. She sucked in a breath. Lizzie grabbed the hoodie and held it in her arms as she stared at the design on the front. Then, she looked up towards her open bedroom door.

It was that something in her heart that persuaded her to buy the hoodie in the end. Because despite where they were right now, despite how things were between them, Lizzie still deeply cared for Eric in every way she possibly could. Whether he still felt the same way or not, she will always think about his well-being and pay any price to keep him safe.

Lizzie looked down at the hoodie again. It was so large in her arms. This was nothing new, of course. Almost all of her sweaters were this size. She sighed, then walked out of her room toward the common room. The pile of blankets and pillows looked as if they had not been used since she last saw them. But she knew that Eric had been in the flat. The guitar case was now gone.

She hesitated. What if this meant he wasn’t going to be coming back to the flat anymore after their argument? Did he find somewhere else to stay? Her hand brushed against the fabric of the hoodie, her thoughts wandering off to scenarios that made her hopeful or worried.

There was nothing much she could do, not right now at least. With all this uncertainty regarding Eric, Lizzie could only decide on things happening right now. So, with a deep breath, Lizzie carefully folded the hoodie once again then placed it on top of the pile of his blankets and pillows. Only time will tell what happens from here. Until then, Lizzie returned to her room to finish unpacking. ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110618-----------❖ LOCATION — near king's cross-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

”Oh for God’s sake Eric, really!? Where is your head tonight?” Not here, that’s for sure. This was the third time in the two hours he’d been at work that he had made the same mistake and his coworker was getting a little irritated having to pick up after him. Could you blame Eric though? After that interaction with Lizzie…of course his head was a mess.

Despite having walked to work to try and sort himself out, Eric hadn’t succeeded in getting his mental state into a better place in time and so here he was hours later still heavily affected by it all. There was this deep dark anger churning inside to the point that he could feel it grabbing at his heart. He couldn’t feel anything else. Not sadness nor pain over the outcome of their argument— and certainly not any other unrelated emotions. For instance he didn’t feel guilty watching the back of his coworker’s head as he left to go see to the guest that Eric had repeatedly messed up on. He wasn’t worried about what his already bleak future now had in store for him. He wasn’t tired despite having been up since early that morning to have breakfast with Lizzie. He wasn’t even hungry. He should have been hungry. He hadn’t eaten since...well, he’d had a little snack for lunch but he had been holding off on eating so that he could eat with Lizzie. It had been many hours but he honestly wasn’t even hungry anymore. His stomach had eaten all those other feelings he was currently lacking left him with this numbness engulfed by his anger towards himself, and that guy, and Lizzie, and Howard, and his mother— was anyone safe from his storm?

He should have been exhausted when the sun came up to announce the end of his shift Tuesday morning but instead he had surpassed the point of being tired. That is to say that three hours ago Eric probably could have knocked out if given the chance, but as he had been at work he instead pushed through his shift so his body kicked into overdrive and wouldn’t allow him to rest. That was why he now lay across the back seat in his car wide awake but still glad to finally be alone and back in the familiar comfort of his car. The comfort that his car gave him was nothing compared to what Lizzie’s bed had given him. This was purely a physical comfort at best; a temporary relief to be off his feet for the first time since leaving the flat last night. It was comforting to be somewhere he was familiar with. Somewhere he could rely on always being the same every time he went. Here he didn’t have to deal with other people. He was used to sleeping in his car and knew all the tricks to getting a good night’s sleep. His car had been through hell and back with him on multiple occasions and in here he had everything he cared about...except Lizzie.

Sleeping in Lizzie’s bed had been on an entirely different level compared to the back seat of his car. He had never in his life felt as safe as he had sleeping next to her. It had been like her presence alone worked as a giant dreamcatcher and she kept all the evil in his life from touching him. While his car was what he knew best, Lizzie’s bed had been such an emotional comfort; with of course the bonus points of having down pillows, sheets, a comforter and a real mattress.

But it wasn't like he’d shared Lizzies bed every night at the flat, he was usually on the couch but at least he was near her. Near Olivia. Near the others. He might have been sleeping alone all those nights on the couch but at least he wasn't actually alone. Not like he was now. He hadn't felt this distance since his mother died; a time when even though he still had Olivia just next door he couldn't bring himself to go to her. Eric had begun this habit of hiding away what hurt him the most a long time ago. He hadn’t been able to tell her back then what was troubling him, and here he was five years later still avoiding her when in fact he needed her the most. He was scared of what she would say though if he reached out to her. He knew she would find a way to talk him into coming back and that was the last thing he wanted right now. He had gotten a taste of normalcy living with her and Lizzie in the flat. Home cooked meals from Malcolm and a proper daily routine. Safety and security...it was sort of like a second chance at life when up till now he had spent all his years just surviving. But he had just completely ruined that. It had been nice while it lasted but it wasn’t for him. That wasn’t the lifestyle he was meant to live. He was better suited for sleeping in cars where he couldn’t hurt anyone but himself.

Since he couldn’t seem to sleep, Eric found himself rereading Lizzie’s last text to him. The one he hadn’t received because he had been outside waiting for her. Would things have played out differently if he’d had his iPod with him and replied to tell her to hurry home? Would she have dropped everything to rush back to the flat to see him? He would have had the situation been reversed. Eric would do just about anything to see her— he had done a lot to be able to see her. And now he might never again get the chance.

Hey babe. He could hear her voice in his head as he read the message for the millionth time when suddenly Olivia’s name popped up across his iPod. She had been trying to reach him since last night but each time he just let it ring through to voicemail. He knew she would just speak an earful of truths that he didn’t want to hear. But what held him back was knowing that she wouldn’t be able to understand anything he tried to explain. He had told her so much; almost everything. Because that’s what best friends do. And she had always done her best to be understanding and accommodating but there were some things that she just would never understand without experiencing it herself and that was exactly what this scenario was. He could already hear her saying something like, “Why are you throwing away your one source of happiness? You’re so stupid, she’s here waiting for you, you better get your ass back here right now.” But how could he make her understand that that was exactly why he couldn’t have her? Lizzie would always just be waiting for him, and he couldn’t keep holding her back any longer. He would set her free so that she wouldn’t be sucked into the dark never ending tunnel that was his broken life; the eternal walk towards the light that never got any closer no matter how far he went.

Olivia sent a text when he didn’t answer, she told him to call her back but Eric just locked his device and let it drop onto the floor beside his seat face down. He pulled his hood up in an attempt to stay warm and tugged his sleeves over his hands before crossing his arms tightly over his chest. He was definitely too tall to be comfortable all curled up in the back seat but he made it work. Another hour or so later Eric’s mind finally shut off and allowed him to fall asleep for a while but he had been heavily spoiled by staying in the flat for so long. He couldn’t reach any level of quality sleep here in the car anymore and it definitely would affect him in the days to come.

Without Lizzie, Eric had nothing to look forward to. The days all blurred together and with it his earlier anger had faded down to a smolder, it was still very much there; it had always been there. But Eric no longer had the energy to keep it up. It had taken everything from him and left him with this excruciatingly painful sense of longing. He missed her. So much. Words could not express how much he missed her. No matter how far he’d gone, Lizzie had always been willing to go the distance and find him whether he was just lost in his head or because he was literally far, far away. When I run out of road, you bring me home… Eric suddenly scrambled for his notebook where he’d made little reminders and scribbled musical notes for the tune he had thought up back at the flat on Monday. There were an assortment of partial lyrics littered across the page but Eric did not stop to even glance at them as he flipped to a new sheet of paper and hastily jotted down the line that had popped into his head before it got the chance to escape.

This became his entire life that weekend. Any moment not spent at work or the theatre was dedicated to writing and rewriting and perfecting this song to completion. The whole while that longing feeling only grew and grew within him and with it brought up new conversations in his head. Maybe things could work out after all. Maybe it was okay that he had nothing to contribute to Lizzie’s life. But while he was beginning to have a new outlook on the possibility of their future, Eric was still not able to overcome his insecurities over it all. He still didn’t think he was worthy to have a girl such as Lizzie in his life— but he was so addicted to her and the withdrawal was hitting him harder than anything he’d ever experienced. These feelings were altering his own perception of reality to the point that he could maybe accept that he wasn’t enough— he just selfishly wanted her no matter what that meant for her. He couldn’t live without her any longer but each time he opened up WhatsApp to tell her so he would freeze. Not a single word came to mind and he would just stare at her last text until his iPod timed out and fell asleep. She was at Disneyland right now, enjoying her life with her friends the way she was supposed to live. Who was he to interrupt all that and drag her back into hell just to be with him?

By Tuesday morning he didn’t care anymore. He needed her with him even if it meant she would suffer at his side. He couldn’t sleep after his overnight shift— not that he had even tried. He was sitting behind the wheel burning holes with his eyes into the car parked in front of him. Eric wasn’t a particularly brave person by nature. Sure you could argue that living alone for so long was brave. Adulting far earlier than any child should have to. But those were circumstances of his life. It was moments like this when he needed to force himself to do something that his cowardice showed. All he had to do was pick up his iPod and send a simple text. Lizzie was back by now, he wouldn’t be interrupting anything. Sure maybe she would ignore him but at least he could say he tried. But that was just it...it was so much easier to just accept defeat than to try and fail which was why he sat here wide awake without a wink of sleep since Sunday night. He had been stressing over this, haunted by this choice he had to make all weekend and it was really cutting down to the wire now. If he waited any longer it would have exceeded a week since their argument. That felt wrong. He couldn’t wait that long; not only was it not fair to her but he himself physically could not wait that long. He was literally wasting away without her and he didn’t know how much longer he could last.

His fingers suddenly stopped strumming the tune of his new song on his steering wheel so that he could lean over and pick up his iPod from the passenger seat behind him. The lockscreen informed him that it was two o’clock in the afternoon, and it was Tuesday. Lizzie would be done soon. In that instant Eric made up his mind and began to gather his jacket and essential belongings before exiting the car and locking it behind him. Today’s gray skies looked particularly ominous, a forecast of rain had been announced and maybe if Eric had been thinking clearly he would have gone about this differently. But did he ever think clearly when it came to Lizzie?

It was a decent walk to the nearest station to catch a train but once he was there it was just a short ride to his destination. He knew the way by heart, he had taken her there himself after all, all those weeks ago…
Little Hopper Publishings. He stared up at the building as he waited, and waited, and began to wonder if she had even gone in to her internship today. Maybe she had taken a recovery day from her trip. Or what if she had left early and he’d missed her?

Eric was hit with a pang of regret the second he saw Lizzie finally exit the building; she was accompanied by two other girls. Clearly he had not learned his lesson from last week about contacting her in advance and just assuming she would be available for him. Would she be upset with him now? She hadn’t noticed him yet from where he stood off to the side under an overhang. She was smiling and laughing with the girls and Eric just stood in place overthinking everything. He had missed her so much, he had missed that smile of hers. What right did he have to now storm in and take it from her? She looked so happy here with her friends. What if he couldn’t make her happy like that? While Eric was panicking in his head the girls had turned to begin walking down the street; did she have plans? Was he just going to ruin her night again? There wasn’t much in life that Eric wanted badly enough to fight for it. He was often a victim to circumstance and bad timing and would just roll with it, accepting that he couldn’t have anything for himself. But he had finally found something he so desperately wanted— no, he needed. Eric quickly forced his feet to move after her, ”Hey!” She hadn’t heard, or else hadn’t registered that he was calling her specifically, his voice had been too small. He had to try again, ”Hey, love— “ Her friends turned around first and he could see their thoughts written across their face, “Who’s this bloke trying to make a pass at us?” But he zeroed in on Lizzie the second she looked back at him and all of a sudden it was as though time stood still. It was just the two of them here on the street. The bustling city noises ceased to exist and the only sounds were their nervous hearts pounding away. What would she say? Was she still mad at him? Had he messed this up so badly that she wouldn’t even give him a chance to explain? How long had he stood here just staring at her?

”Sorry...uhm, could I talk to you?”

But after she agreed and said her farewells to her friends Eric realized he hadn’t exactly prepared for this conversation. He had come here rather spontaneously and without any specific plan in mind. Shit. Could they maybe go somewhere at least? He was getting anxious and fidgety just standing here under all the pressure of not knowing what to say. His hand ran through his hair as he glanced down the street towards King’s Cross. It was a familiar road to them and there were plenty of places there for them to sit and chat, ”Do you wanna, uhm,” he gestured down the street, ”Should we go somewhere else?”

God, he hadn’t been this nervous around her since they had first met. They walked in silence initially, Eric was still wracking his brain for a good starting point but he also wasn’t sure whether or not he should wait until they were seated somewhere. In the end he couldn’t wait, they would walk and talk, ”I’m sorry Lizzie,” Did he need to say why? They hadn’t spoken since last Monday, surely it was pretty obvious what he was referring to. But still, ”Monday I— “ No, no excuses Eric. Just explain what you had been going through, ”It’s really hard...being with you,” not exactly the best choice of words but again, he hadn’t thought this through in advance, ”When we’re together it’s perfect. You’re the only thing I look forward to each day. Every moment with you is just— well, perfect.” Sweet poetic words seemed to be reserved for his writing only, ”I know I can be...difficult to be around— uhm, with...”

Come on Eric, get to the point. The gray skies were only darkening as they walked but it went completely unnoticed by Eric as he started over in his attempt now to get back on track, ”My whole life has been a series of uncertainties. My Mum raised me by herself, without any help, and it wasn’t easy but she made it work. I missed out on a lot because of it, and didn’t get to have much growing up. And that’s fine— I’m okay with it— but…but it also means I have nothing to give you.”

There, he had finally reached the topic he had been struggling with all week. Why it was hard for him to be with Lizzie, ”I was so…angry when you showed up with that posh looking bloke. And I took it out on you, I’m sorry…it’s just, he’s everything I’m not.”

Eric could feel that this was going to go in the wrong direction if he didn’t act quickly, ”It’s not— I wasn’t upset with you, or with him for that matter. It’s me….I saw you with him and thought “Why can’t that be me?” Why can’t I drive you home or take you out for dinner— or anywhere really. Why do I have to work absurd hours and miss out on opportunities to be with you? Why was I even born— just to clean up all this shit my Mum—“ His voice had begun to rise and Eric quickly fell silent as he fought to unclench his jaw from the bitter mention of his mother so that he could continue on, “Lizzie being with you is….it’s just a constant reminder that I can’t be that guy for you. That you deserve better.” And that was why being with her was hard.

“No stop, just—” She had tried to speak up but Eric blurted out and at his words they stopped. Literally, right where they stood. He needed to finish, if he didn’t get this all out now then he wasn’t sure he’d be brave enough to try again later. If Lizzie were to say anything to counter what he’d said so far then he would likely have crumbled and agreed to whatever she wanted. But no, he needed to speak his mind and he needed her to respect that. He knew she would, she was a saint like that, but understandably she also wasn’t used to him rambling about something emotional like his feelings— hence why he’d cut her off so that he could continue speaking.

With a deep breath he looked over to meet her eyes, hoping that even if she hated everything he was about to say that she could at least see the sincerity he spoke with and could know he was truly trying here, ”This isn’t about your friend, I don’t care who you hang out with, so long as they’re not a total dick to you,” This had been getting a little off topic. He didn’t want Lizzie to focus on Monday’s fight. He wasn’t upset that she had shown up with her friend and he wasn’t worried about their friendship in regards to his relationship with her; and he had done his best to explain that. But there was the underlying problem that he had yet to address and it was now or never, ”There is honestly no place I’d rather be than here with you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it love, I don’t want to. I need you in my life. Lizzie I can’t even breathe without you, but...” he hesitantly reached for her hands to hold. Even though he was the one with the flight risk he was terrified to continue, scared that she would turn and walk away if he didn’t hold her in place. But his hands trembled as they took hers. Maybe it was the cold evening air settling in, but more likely it was how nervous he was to continue. He had fallen silent now for almost a full minute. An agonizingly slow sixty seconds of his shaky breaths coupled with his mouth twitching each time he tried to part his lips to speak only to back out. This was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do and everything depended on his next words. This would be the moment they either fixed this or would have to call it quits.

“I need for you to stop asking about Barking,” his eyes had dropped to stare at their hands the second he spoke, a light scattered rain falling now but he didn’t move to pull up his hood or to suggest they find shelter before it picked up. He had to will himself through this before he let her down, again. He had promised her ‘one day’ but the way things had been he wasn't so sure now he could fulfill that promise, “You dont—I cant move on when you keep dragging me back there.”

Soldiers often came back from war unable to retell the horrors they experienced and that was widely considered acceptable behavior. There were of course those who thought otherwise, that these men and women needed to tell someone everything on their mind to find a sense of closure. But Eric had found closure, or at least he believed he had come to terms with his past. What he couldn't handle was burdening Lizzie with all the bad that had happened to him. this wasn't just like telling someone you had a shitty childhood with a drunk for a father constantly pushing you around. No, that was a fairly normal unfortunate circumstance. Eric had done things that he knew Lizzie would never look at him the same for if she found out, “Please, I— don't make me go back there. It's hard enough as it is without going through those memories.”

”I know. I know it’s a lot to ask of you after everything you’ve done. You have every right to be upset and to know what it is you’ve been dealing with all this time—but it’s also my right to—am I not allowed to—“ As if on cue the rain had begun to pick up and Eric was losing his moment of courage. He knew Lizzie would have some brilliant reasoning for why he needed to tell her everything but Eric was nearing his breaking point. If this was what they were going to fight over for eternity then he just couldn’t do it, ”Call me selfish if you’d like but I can’t put that on you. I won’t.”

This wasn’t about trust, he trusted her to the moon and back. There wasn’t a secret in the world that he wouldn’t trust her with. But the weight of these secrets was too much to share. He had built up the strength to carry them over the years, but Lizzie? It would crush her, ”You’re too important to me.”

”Lizzie I love you so much, please, just let it go…”

The words had slipped out so naturally, so much so that Eric hadn’t even noticed what he’d said. He was too focused on begging her to stop. He had never asked anything of her and he never would. Not after this. This was the one thing he needed from her in order for them to get through this. Eric couldn’t bring himself to look up from their hands, not until she gave him some sort of response. He didn’t want to see how hurt she was, how angry she might be, or the disappointment of how much he’d let her down. Then it was as though someone clicked the anxiety switch on and his whole demeanor took on a slightly panicked vibe as he realized everything he had just said, ”Sorry,” his grip loosened on her hands, not so that he could run but rather so that she could. This was the part where she would call him out on everything and leave him in the rain. This was where she would rip what was left of his heart out and stomp it into the ground, ”You shouldn’t have to put up with all this— with me. Uhm— “ He kept going with this pointless rambling. Kept talking just to fill the silence and stall her departure because he was so sure this was the end of them and that this would be the last time they would be alone in their little bubble together. Eric couldn’t seem to stop talking now as if forcing her to listen to him was the only thing keeping her there now.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110718-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

It somehow affected Lizzie some seeing the hoodie still on top of the pile Tuesday morning. She knew that it was silly to feel this way. Eric wasn’t scheduled to return to the flat - if he was ever going to return to the flat - until well after she left for work. And yet, as she stared at the carefully folded hoodie while she waited for her coffee to brew, the disappointment started to sink in. With that disappointment came the fear that she would never see him again. A part of her considered maybe just giving it to Olivia to give to him. Olivia was likely to see him sooner than she would, that’s for sure. Her flatmate even offered to give it to him when they talked last night. Lizzie passed on the offer. The small glimmer of hope left in her slowly recovering heart believed he would come back even if it was just to sleep on the couch for the night.

The weekend Disney trip with Beth and Patricia solidified Lizzie’s friendship with the two. It showed during Lizzie’s commute to her internship as the three conversed via their group chat about plans for later. Just like the last half of October, November was constantly bringing on the threat of rain. So the three friends weighed their options over whether they wanted to eat out for an early dinner or order take away and spend time at either Beth or Patricia’s flat. When Lizzie screenshotted the current status of the weather for today, the consensus was quickly pointing to Patricia’s. Turns out, Patricia actually enjoyed having guests over. When Lizzie arrived at her stop, her two friends were waiting for her near the exit. From there, they walked together to work weighing their options for dinner.

It was a good that Lizzie had something to look forward to at the end of her shift. The good luck from her meeting last Saturday reversed itself slightly. Turns out her partner called in sick to their editor and would be unable to come in for the whole week. As such, all his work was now dropped on Lizzie’s desk...as well as his manuscript. So what she thought would be an easy week for work now became twice as busy. Lizzie could not understand how she had so much work to do when combined with her partner’s work. Sure, she knew being assigned to one of the senior editors meant more work - hence needing two interns - but her partner always seemed so on top of his shit. And yet...he basically had the same amount of work as she did. He always made it seem like he had his shit together with his lowkey jabs on her work ethic. Or...maybe it was the accent that made him seem like he had it together.

Well, if there was one thing Lizzie got out of this now stressful week, it was finally feeling like she was going to get the one up on her stuck up partner. She just needed to actually succeed in getting all her tasks done for the week...and squeeze two manuscripts into her work and school schedule. At least she didn’t have to come in to work on Friday?

All in all, work was a mess and Lizzie was glad that the constant workload kept her distracted until someone reminded her that it was now after three and she could leave. After a brief discussion with her editor to confirm if she needed to come in on Friday - she didn’t if she needed time to read her manuscripts - Lizzie met Beth and Patricia at the reception area and followed behind them outside.

The weather made the decision for them. They were going to order take away and chill at Patricia’s. Yes. That was the plan. Despite how aware they were of the potential for rain today, neither Lizzie nor the other girls decided to bring an umbrella. This was England after all. The English were not cowards and handled rain like it was no big deal. If they can handle a little rain, why couldn’t three Americans? But still, they would rather beat the rain by ordering take away than dining in and getting caught in it. Lizzie was just not in the mood to run in the rain. The thigh high boots she decided to wear today were honestly not the ideal footwear for running.

The three stood outside the building while Lizzie wrapped her scarf around her neck. Beth carried her purse, commenting about how heavy it was. She explained to them the situation with her intern partner and how she was now assigned two manuscripts this week. Once her scarf was styled and straightened to her liking, she took her things from her friend and followed in-between them toward their next destination. The rain would be starting any minute now, so they needed to walk fast.

They probably walked only a few feet before someone from behind called out to them. Or, at least they thought this person was calling out to them. There weren’t that many people yet. While Beth and Patricia turned to investigate and satisfy their curiosity, Lizzie was hesitant to turn. It was impossible for her to not recognize that voice. It was all she heard last week; clear as day in her mind. It was the very voice she longed to hear after he walked away from her, from them. She knew it was him the moment he called her “love.” Even now, while her heart still felt like it was dragging along the ground in pieces, hearing him call out to her made her weak in the knees.

“Hey, Liz? Isn’t that the guy you’re seeing?” Beth asked as her eyes narrowed on Eric. “Why didn’t you tell us you already had plans?”

Because as far as Lizzie was aware, she didn’t know she had other plans herself.

Regardless, Lizzie knew why Eric was here. It was the moment she waited for since last Tuesday. But as she turned to finally look at him, Lizzie wondered if it was a bad idea for her to wait. The way he looked at her was unsettling. She could not help mirroring his nervousness. As she stared at Eric now, she feared that the odds of a positive outcome were not in her favor. But when he asked if they could talk, Lizzie agreed. She had to. If she ran away from this just because she was scared, she would just be following in his footsteps. Then it would be another whole week before they have this talk.

After she said goodbye to her friends, she watched them walk away until they were halfway to the corner of the street. Then she turned to meet up with Eric, taking her place at his side as he suggested they go somewhere to talk. That seemed wise. The clouds were coming in thicker and thicker by the minute.

The silence between them as they walked was agonizing. Lizzie waited for him to say something. She assumed he was going to be the one to say something...anything. He could ask about her trip. Simple small talk while they walked. But he didn’t initiate conversation. Neither did she. In the end, she spent the minutes they walked in silence focusing on how the strap of her purse was cutting its way through her thick jacket to dig into her shoulder. The only sounds between them were the foot falls of her boots with each step she took to keep up with his long strides.

She was ready to say something just to break the silence. It was killing her. She waited a week longer than she should have for this talk and now that they were here together nothing was being said. If he wasn’t going to say anything then she once again had to make the moves in their relationship and—

Then he apologized. And from that moment he kept talking. It was as if the apology was the push he needed to say all that he needed to say. All the things that were left unsaid last Monday finally came out. And Lizzie took it, all of it. She listened to all of his thoughts and feelings with the respect that he deserved after their argument. They were speaking as adults now, no longer fueled by anger or frustration. No more pointing fingers and calling the other out on their faults. Lizzie wanted this talk. She knew that this was going to finish what they started a week ago. She would listen to all that he had to say.

Even if every word he said to her was breaking her heart all over again.

He was making it perfectly clear: he wanted out. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He even offered reasons why he couldn’t be with her. Or, more specifically, why he didn’t deserve her. His childhood. His mother. Eddie. His life in general. He was basically telling her that his very existence was not enough to merit being with her.

Lizzie disagreed. He may believe that he doesn’t deserve to be with her, but she knew from the very beginning that he was all she wanted. It was a feeling she understood more after their fight. After everything they have been through together from the moment she walked into the common room to him in nothing but his underwear, she knew that he was all she needed for the rest of her life. Yes, she realized how much a stretch it was to make this claim, but she didn’t care. He was all she wanted. No, he was all she needed. Without him, she would view her life as nothing but a constant need for distractions. Because without him in her life, life itself would be absolutely meaningless.

She knew right then and there that she needed to tell him this. He may want an out, but she wasn’t going to accept it. She needed to once again fight for them.

“But Eric, none of that—” Eric cut her off so quickly she actually stopped walking when he told her to stop. She knew when he said to stop that he wanted her to stop talking. So here they were, standing to the side of the sidewalk with the threat of rain over their heads. But with the fate of their relationship riding on the next words to come out of Eric’s mouth, Lizzie didn’t care if she got rained on. When the time was absolutely right, whether he was done talking or not, she was going to fight back. He may be ready to give up on them, but she wasn’t.

For the first time since he called out to her outside her internship, Eric looked directly at her. Under the gray skies, his eyes were bright blue. The same blue that she fell for so many weeks ago. The last time she saw them was during their argument, when he looked at her with such a cold gaze. Now, despite the cold and rain, they were warm; almost determined. If there was anything that would keep her mouth shut, it was those eyes. Always.

Her determination and will to fight for them faltered. The tone of Eric’s explanation suddenly shifted. At first Lizzie was certain he was telling her that he was walking away. Now, she wasn’t exactly sure. She watched him carefully in an attempt to catch him slipping; to reveal his true intentions. How could he start this conversation listing the reasons why he couldn’t be with her and then turn it around and claim that he needed her? Where in the world was this headed?

Then he left her hanging. Her gaze lowered to watch him take her hands that have been crossed over her chest this whole time. The second they cut through her emotional barrier, she crumbled and immediately she could not focus on whatever feelings she had. All she could focus on was how cold his hands were. He must have been standing outside her internship longer than she initially thought. Even after taking her hands they continued to tremble under her touch. Then she heard his shaky breath and something in her wanted to rub his arms to keep him warm. She felt terrible for making him wait.

But just as she considered suggesting they pause until they were inside, Eric spoke again. It was like he knew when it was the best time to speak to ensure that he said his piece without interruption. As he made the request that she stop bringing up Barking, all her worries were pulled to the back of her mind. She focused entirely on the request. While he kept his gaze down at their hands, she continued to look at him. She was starting to understand where exactly this talk was going. Once again, she listened, but reluctantly.

It seemed so long ago that Eric promised to tell her what she needed to know about Barking when he was ready. Since then, the mystery of that place and its part in Eric’s life remained the shadow that kept their relationship from blossoming. Lizzie knew this. And when he made that promise to tell her one day, she believed him. Despite everything in her telling her that she needed to know, she respected his wishes and waited as patiently as she could. She would suffer in silence to wait for when he was ready. She would wait with bated breath for the day he approached her ready to tell her everything.

But now, he was asking her to stop waiting. He was asking her to accept that Barking was a thing that was and is a part of his life without any explanation as to why. He was asking her to drown in the anticipation and fear and worry. He was asking her to acknowledge its existence and relevance in his life, but keep in the shadows where it would constantly follow them and rain on their potential happiness. Just like the actual rain was doing now.

This isn’t how they fix this. Lizzie was certain of it. Keeping something like this a mystery wasn’t going to fix their relationship, it would bring them back to where they were and dig up all the problems it brought already. Lizzie believed Eric was making a mistake. Yes, she accepts the argument that he has every right to keep everything that happened in the past. But what she could not accept is that reasoning being the permanent solution to ensure their future together. She could wait for “one day”. She could not accept—

“Lizzie I love you so much…”

Admittedly, Lizzie stopped listening when he tried to be understanding and reasonable to her. She got lost in her own selfish thoughts; her belief that he was just wrong with this approach. She was waiting for the opportune moment to tell him such. But what he said cut right through that wall. She completely forgot about Barking and his unacceptable request. All she could focus on were those three words and the way he said her name. And the more they played in her head, the more she forgot to breathe.

Maybe she died. Maybe she stood in the rain and held her breath for so long that she passed out then died and went to heaven. It felt too much like a dream. No matter how many times those words replayed in her head, she could not believe it really happened. He told her he loves her. The words came out so effortlessly as if he was breathing. He didn’t hesitate once as he said them. It was as if he didn’t need a second to consider whether or not to say those three words. He told her he loves her. And even if she thought she was dreaming, he made her believe that he meant every word.

His eyes once again brought her down to Earth as he suddenly looked up from their hands to meet her gaze. She remembered how to breathe again. She once again felt the rain on her skin. When did the rain get heavier? She noticed now that his grip on her hands was weaker than before. Panicked, she turned her hands slightly so that she was the one holding his. No, he was not allowed to let go and walk away after that. Even if she still could not fully believe that it happened, she was not going to let him go that easily.

“Lizzie I love you so much…” The words slowly faded away when Lizzie noticed Eric rambling on about...something. She must have tuned him out earlier having been too focused on those words. Now, it seemed like he was trying to backtrack his way out. He was making excuses about her not having to deal with him or whatever. Was he taking the words back? Did he not mean them after all?

He just kept talking. And talking. And talking. Lizzie quickly noticed that she stopped listening to him. He said everything he needed to say. But now, he wasn’t giving her the opportunity to say anything. He just would not stop talking.

“Eric, just…” Lizzie sighed. She blinked then turned her gaze back up to look at him. She needed to do something to get him to stop talking now before he said something he would end up regretting. “Shut up and kiss me, babe.” Lizzie pulled him closer while also taking a step toward him. She let go of his hands now to wrap her arms tightly around his neck. As she closed the distance between them, both physically and emotionally, her lips found his effortlessly. She finally got him to stop talking and recognize that the tough part was over. They were okay now.

As romantic as a rain kiss must sound, Lizzie was only able to enjoy it up until she realized she was tasting more of the rain water than Eric. Okay London, we get it. Winter is coming and the weather is just horrid. The last thing Lizzie wanted was for a cold to ruin her reconciliation with Eric.

Lizzie was the first to pull away. “Come on, let’s get out of the rain,” she reasoned with a giggle. “Did you eat yet?”

The small old lady watched them enter, eyeing their wet clothes. Was she even aware that it was raining outside? “How many?” she asked in her strong Vietnamese accent.

It was Lizzie’s idea to have Vietnamese food for two reasons. The first was that this restaurant was the closest from where they were earlier. The second reason was because of the rain. Pho just sounded so amazing right about now. Nothing beats the misery of rain than a big bowl of hot pho.

As soon as they were pointed to the nearest table, Lizzie peeled off her scarf and jacket and hung it over the back of her seat. Thankfully she at least thought far enough ahead this morning to pull out one of her thicker jackets to protect her just in case it did rain while she was out. So while her hair, outerwear and boots looked soaked, her work outfit was still dry. Once seated, she browsed the menu despite already knowing what she wanted to order. It was always still good to look just in case she changed her mind. What she wasn’t expecting was having to help Eric choose. When the old lady returned to get their order, Lizzie was in the middle of a story about how she and her roommates would often get pho whenever it was raining in LA.

“Trust me, this is exactly what you need after getting caught in the rain,” she said with a bright smile.

As they waited for their order, Lizzie leaned against the side of the wall while staring at Eric. With the chaos from standing in the rain for so long, she suddenly realized she hadn’t exactly given his speech much thought. While, yes, her initial reaction to his request is enough to merit it considering having given it much thought, she knew now that it wasn’t enough. Long ago, Eric took her thoughts and feelings about Barking into consideration and as a result he promised that he would tell her about it one day. After he shared his thoughts and feelings on the same topic, why couldn’t she do the same? For whatever reason that only he knew, this was very important to him. Surely, she could overlook her stubborn opinion about openness in their relationship if it meant it would save it. She had to believe that he wouldn’t be asking her to let Barking go if he knew it was for the better.

“Okay,” Lizzie said suddenly. He looked up at her and when she caught his gaze, she smiled. “I’ll let it go.”

After their satisfying meal, Lizzie was relieved to see that the rain had let up a bit. It was still raining, but at least the mad dash from the restaurant to the train station wasn’t too miserable. Screw trying to do as the English do. The next time it rained and she was out, Lizzie was bringing an umbrella.

The station was crowded with people trying to avoid getting soaked so it took them a little longer to reach Boundary by train. By the time they reached their stop, the floors of the train station were wet and slippery from the constant foot traffic. Lizzie had to resort to clinging to Eric’s arm after she slipped on the wet floor a couple times. She really thought her boots would save her. When they walked up the stairs to exit the station, it was once again lashing rain, as Ricki describes it.

Lizzie was so glad to be home at last. As she wiped her boots on the welcome mat at the front door, Lizzie shook her ponytail then let out a sigh of relief. “Do you wanna shower first, babe?” she asked. “I think it’s better if you, like, get it over with now than end up passing out while waiting for me.” There was really no argument there. She noticed earlier how tired Eric looked and feared that he didn’t take some form of nap earlier after his overnight shift last night.

She waited outside Olivia’s room while Eric grabbed some clean clothes. Once he left the bedroom, she followed behind him up until she reached her bedroom door. “I’ll be in my room. Just come in here when you’re done.” After watching the bathroom door close behind Eric, Lizzie pushed her bedroom door open and stepped inside. She grabbed a couple hangers from the closet so that she could hang hers and Eric’s jackets to dry from the hook on the back of the door. While she waited for Eric to finish, Lizzie tugged off her boots and stripped out of her work outfit. After slipping into one of her other many oversized sweaters, she pulled her hair out of its ponytail and shook it out to relieve the tension.

As she waited for Eric to finish with his shower, Lizzie was once again left with nothing to do but entertain her thoughts. She once again thought back to all that Eric said earlier after she left her internship. Despite the roller coaster of emotions it put her through, Lizzie was glad overall that Eric stepped up to finish what they started. She was proud of him for keeping himself grounded enough to say what he needed to say: about what he felt of their relationship and about Barking. All that was left for her to ponder over was...his confession.

No matter how many times the words repeated in her head, it still shocked Lizzie how easy it was for Eric to tell her he loves her. It was as if he knew this whole time. But...where did that leave Lizzie?

Lizzie had four serious relationships before Eric. Her first boyfriend was in high school and was the embodiment of puppy love. He was a figment of her imagination and fantasies. But she quickly learned that he was nothing like what she envisioned in her head. Don’t get her wrong, he was a good guy. She just expected too much from him. The second...technically wasn’t her boyfriend. He was the first guy she liked after moving to LA for school. They went out for a couple months and it was obvious they shared mutual feelings for each other. The problem was neither of them made a move. Eventually, Lizzie couldn’t wait anymore. She dated here and there after that relationship until she met her third boyfriend. He...well...let’s just say that every girl has one boyfriend that would have sworn them off men entirely. He was Lizzie’s. She only dated him for a month before he showed his true colors. He could not handle her busy schedule between school and swimming. It wasn’t long before he cheated on her with another girl. After Lizzie found out he got a black mark on his entire existence. And then there was Brandon. As mentioned before, he was the best boyfriend at the time. He was everything the previous three weren’t. Between the four of them, Brandon could have been the one Lizzie loved first. And for a time, she thought she did love him. He made her happy and safe. They were together for five happy months...and, well, we already know what happened there.

The sound of her bedroom door opening interrupted her thoughts. Lizzie watched Eric enter from the edge of her bed. As he pushed his still damp hair out of his face, Lizzie returned to her previous thoughts. Once upon a time, she truly believed that Brandon was the one. All the chills and tingles were there. And he would forever be a part of her in the form of a bee tattoo behind her ear. At the time, she believed she had fallen in love with him. But...she never actually told him.

Watching Eric now, Lizzie knew why.

There was always an immediate electricity whenever Eric walked into the room. The moment Lizzie sensed his presence, she felt a force pull her to him. They were like magnets to each other. It didn’t matter to her what he was doing, so long as she could remain by his side. Whenever he wasn’t around, she felt the weight of his absence. He is all she can think about while she’s at school or work or when he’s not around. She constantly wants to learn more about him. What he loves and hates. What his dreams are and what he dreams about. What makes him happy, sad or angry.

But, most of all, Lizzie wanted to fight for him. Every obstacle the world threw at them, Lizzie was ready to travel to hell and back for Eric. His happiness was her ultimate goal. She could die right now so long as the smile on his perfect, kissable lips was because of her.

Eric Oliver came out of nowhere for Lizzie. After all, she just ended a serious relationship to move to another country for a year. The last thing she wanted was to be in another relationship. Falling in love was not part of her plan. And yet fate thrusted Eric into her life and did everything to prove she did not want him to leave. Not even the toughest obstacles could make Lizzie change her mind about how she felt for the man standing in front of her right now.

Lizzie now knew why she never told Brandon she loved him. She never did. She knew now that with Brandon, as perfect as he was as a boyfriend, there was always this feeling that something was missing.

She did not have that feeling with Eric. It didn’t matter that he was riddled with secrets that she was no longer allowed to ask him about. She could care less about how his past left him with, as he claims, nothing to offer her. He was all she needed. Just him. His very existence was now the reason she got out of bed every morning. Her reason for breathing, for living. He owed her nothing, but to be by her side. She just wanted to spend all of her days doing nothing but…

Loving him.

“Hey,” she said, her voice no louder than a whisper. “Come here?”

The second he sat beside her on the bed, Lizzie leaned in. As she kissed him again, she focused on everything about him. His smell. His touch. His taste. Everything else around her didn’t matter anymore. Just him. As she parted his lips with her tongue, she kissed him deeply. She pressed herself tightly against him to the point that she felt him lean back. In a perfect world, she could stay like this forever.

She just needed to do one important thing first.

As Lizzie trailed kisses up his neck, she pulled away just enough that she could look deep into his eyes. She combed her hand through his hair, exactly how he liked it. “I love you too.” Without another word, she kissed him again.

Lizzie knew that she would need to come up for air eventually. They may be in love, but they weren’t superhuman. When she reluctantly pulled away, she took in a couple deep breaths while attempting to untangle herself from Eric. From there, she had two options to choose from: 1) get ready to continue where they left off or 2) be an adult and take her damn shower. She blamed the stupid rain for making her choose the latter.

When she returned to her bedroom, she saw that Eric was unable to wait up for her like she had for him. Not that she could blame him. He must have been so exhausted the whole day after work. But now, he was home. He was safe. He was right where he belongs, with her.

A low thud woke Lizzie early the next morning. Her eyes shot open, but it took her a moment to register her surroundings. First and foremost, she registered the arm currently weighing down against her. After staring up at the ceiling for a few more seconds, she carefully turned her entire body to her side to gaze at her sleeping Eric. She wondered if he slept through the entire night. He woke up a couple times after passing out waiting for her to finish her shower, but it wasn’t long before he fully surrendered to sleep. Poor thing. After everything that happened yesterday, he must have been really exhausted.

She eventually found the culprit that woke her up. When she turned to her other side, Lizzie found her manuscript face down on the ground. While she waited for her hair to dry a little, she used her time wisely by starting on her assigned reading for work. She did get pretty far before Eric’s steady breathing lulled her to sleep.

She didn’t dare wake him. He deserved all the sleep he could get. But as much as she wanted to go back to sleep, the rude awakening from her manuscript left her wide awake. She might as well do something productive before she needed to get ready for school.

A chill ran up her spine the second she slipped out from under her comforter. It was freezing in her room. She tiptoed over to her drawer to pull out the first sweater she could grab. When she left her dark bedroom and walked into the common room, she saw that she grabbed her new oversized Disneyland Paris sweater.

That was when it hit her. From all the excitement of getting back together with Eric, Lizzie completely forgot about his new hoodie.

It wasn’t long before Eric stepped out of her bedroom to join her in the kitchen. When she heard his approaching footsteps, she turned away from the toaster to look at him. “Good morning, babe!” she greeted with a smile. “Are you hungry? I can toast a bagel for you, if you want?” Almost on cue, the toaster popped up the bagel she was toasting.

“Actually, before I forget…” Abandoning her bagel in the toaster, Lizzie circled around the kitchen island to walk to the living room. She picked up the hoodie still folded where she left it days before. “Here, I got this for you at Disney. I didn’t know if you liked any, like, graphic prints on clothes or not, so I hope you like it. Sorry it’s hella cold…. It’s been out in the living room since Monday night.” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110718-----------❖ LOCATION — lizzie's bed-----------❖ COMPANY — his thoughts
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

There was a panic to each breath he took as his eyes flashed open, whatever dream had been chasing him was beyond recall now as he rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling while he adjusted to being awake. Wait...where was he? He would not have been able to roll over like this on the couch, it would have taken far more effort so as to not fall off in the process. For the briefest of moments Eric could not for the life of him remember where he was. Turning his head to the side though brought an immediate calm upon the realization that he was in Lizzie’s room, in Lizzie’s bed—but where was Lizzie? There was an empty place next to him in the bed where he could still make out the imprint her little body had left behind and Eric’s hand reached over to it as he turned the rest of his body towards the spot. It was cold to the touch, not at all like the heat of last night’s memory that came back to him now. The almost frantic rush of his hands trying to simultaneously hold her in place but also run across as much of her body as he could reach. But then he had fallen asleep waiting for her, and when she did return he was barely conscious himself, definitely not capable of continuing anything.

As Eric relaxed back into the pillows he let his eyes close after pulling the blanket back up to his chin. It wasn’t just that moment with Lizzie, last night had been the best night’s sleep he’d had in a long time. But had it been enough to make up for how long he had been awake prior? He was honestly still exhausted having not had a wink of sleep since Sunday night. Tired or not though, Eric wasn’t usually one to sleep in or waste time laying in bed. “Wasn’t usually.” But today he was in Lizzie’s bed and at the moment he wanted nothing more than to stay here for forever— actually no what he wanted even more was for Lizzie to come back and join him but after several minutes he hadn’t fallen back asleep yet and she hadn’t returned. He would go to her then.

The room was so much colder than her bed had been, and much colder now than he remembered it being last night after his shower. Sitting up now he noticed two things: Ricki was still asleep, and his clothes from yesterday were not where he thought he put them. Lizzie must have moved them when he was asleep. It wasn’t a problem, he’d just ask her where they were when he found her, it just meant that he was currently without his hoodie to slip into and keep warm. Lizzie’s sweater was in Olivia’s room last he saw it and he wasn’t comfortable just digging into Lizzie’s clothes for something. Besides would anything even fit him? It was fine, he was tough, it wasn’t that cold.

Upon leaving Lizzie’s room he glanced left and right down the hall. The bathroom door was open and the lights were off so she definitely wasn’t in there, but the double doors were open so that must be where she was— but Eric needed to pee. After his quick detour Eric made his way all the way back down the hall until he entered the common room and was able to spot Lizzie in the kitchen. Everything just felt right now seeing her first thing in the morning. This was what he needed in his life, and he couldn’t imagine waking up to anything else.

He had crossed the room towards her during her offer to fix a bagel for him and while he was hungry for food, there was one thing he craved even more. The human body could supposedly go at least three weeks without food, but Eric had gone a week without Lizzie’s touch and he was still starved for it. More than the bagel, what he really wanted was her— she was walking away from him now before he could fulfill his need. As she returned with a hoodie in hand he felt a butterfly take flight in his stomach, ”Lizzieee....” Despite the “you shouldn't have why did you do this” tone to his voice, his face said otherwise and gave away how happy he was seeing her gift. But it was less about the hoodie itself and more so the circumstances and what she had said. She bought it for him after their fight while she was off at the happiest place on earth. And it had been sitting in here since Monday? That implied that Lizzie had been expecting him to return, or hoping for it at least. And hearing that brought a surge of emotion knowing that she had been missing him just as badly. That she had been waiting for him. That she hadn't given up on them.

Eric stared down at it in her hands for just a moment before reaching past to pull her close for that morning kiss he had wanted so badly. He should have thanked her right then and there but the words honestly got caught up in his throat. He really hadn’t thought they would survive to see this day. He had been so sure yesterday that she would just get mad at him again; that there would be no fixing their relationship. He had spent the past week thinking he would never see her again and in his last act of desperation had convinced himself to go see her. What if he hadn’t? What if he had just stayed in his car while Lizzie was here with this hoodie forever wondering if he would ever return. The earlier butterfly had now transformed into a stone of guilt weighing him down. His breath faltered for a moment when he pulled back, his eyes trained on hers as he still tried and tried to voice his appreciation. He just wanted to tell her how much he loved it, how much he loved her, but instead here he stood getting emotional over a hoodie.

In the end his eyes dropped down to her hand and he gave up on saying anything as he took it from her to immediately put on; it was like Lizzie had sensed how cold he had been when he woke up. She had mentioned the hoodie was cold since it had been sitting out here all alone for so many hours but honestly Eric didn’t notice, his love for her was too overwhelming to be bothered by something so trivial. As he slipped it on it was clear that it was a pretty perfect fit. It was loose like a sweater should be, especially with his fairly slim frame. But it wasn't drowning him with that “it looks like you're wearing your dad's clothes” vibe. Honestly he was impressed that she got the sizing just right, but maybe that was to be expected after all those hours they had spent shopping at the mall for his jacket.

It was now as he looked down from himself over to her that he noticed something, ”We’re matching~”
Lizzie was wearing a Disneyland sweater as well and his smile only grew as he looked back up to face her. He wanted to hold her again. He had woken up earlier to just being content and happy at her side— that feeling was gone now and had transformed into a deep desire. He didn’t want to settle for content, he wanted more. Eric’s hand found hers and pulled her over while he let himself step back until he could lean against the kitchen counter. Once she was close enough his two hands instead wrapped around her waist and slipped up under the hem of her sweater until they found the warm, bare skin of her back. With his forehead to hers he was finally able to murmur out a small, ”Thanks love,” to be kept just within their little bubble.

They of course lost track of time being all wrapped up in the other but the sound of a bedroom door shutting brought their magic hour to an end as Eric was reminded that they were no longer alone in the privacy of her room, ”So uhm, I think your bagel is cold now.” His teasing wasn’t wrong though. The poor bagel still sat forgotten in the toaster where Lizzie had left it. While she went to reheat it and then prepare one for Eric as well, he took a seat at the island just as Olivia walked in.

Olivia….

While the room itself wasn’t tense, Eric still felt his happily in love heart stop at the sight of her, ”Morning!” Were they just going to gloss over the past week and pretend like nothing had happened? He had fully expected her to go off on him the moment she knew he was back. But then again, this was Olivia, she would hold her tongue until the right moment and apparently the beginning of everyone’s day was not that. She went about preparing her usual coffee and that masked tension from earlier soon dissipated as that content feeling from before returned. Here he was in the flat with his best mate and Lizzie— his girlfriend, because technically she was now— what more could he ask for? How long had it been since he’d had such a peaceful, loving and fulfilling morning?

He would have done just about anything to prolong that morning in the kitchen with his two favorite people but sooner or later he was reminded that he needed to go get ready for work. As much as he wanted time to stand still, life insisted on moving on with or without him and he really couldn’t afford to be left behind again. At least today felt like it would be a good day. Breakfast with Lizzie, walking to the station hand in hand with Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. He couldn’t get enough of her and it was torture when they eventually needed to part and go their separate ways.

Work was work, nothing particularly eventful happened today, but it was definitely easier knowing that Lizzie would be waiting for him at home at the end of the night. It was that knowledge that pushed him through his shift despite still being so tired. But as soon as he reached the theatre for rehearsal it was clear that while today might be good it was still anything but normal. The first sign was that there were a couple people missing. Maybe they had gotten sick? The weather had been awful the past couple days. But the show must go on, they’d just have to rehearse without them. Next thing Eric noticed was how distracted everyone seemed to be. Constantly checking their watches as though anxiously counting down the minutes until something. By 7:00pm he had figured out what everyone’s problem was. Manchester was playing tonight and the game had just kicked off, as signified by the number of real time notifications pinging off everyone’s phones in the audience seats around him. It didn’t take long for an agreement to be made: if they were going to cancel today’s rehearsal for the game then everyone needed to come in on Saturday, no exceptions. The love for football was strong, the decision ruled unanimously and everyone cleared out in seconds to run home to watch the game on their flat screens or to the nearest pub to watch with a pint in hand. It was a little surprising how many of the actors were so invested in the sport but then again this was adult theatre, they were beyond stereotypes….mostly…

While everyone else was all too happy to leave early, Eric now had to brave the weather and commute all the way back to the flat. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t happy he got to leave early too; leaving early = more time to spend with Lizzie. But his day to day routine was so “on the go”. He had just gotten off a full day at work and come to the theatre, happy to finally rest his feet and be indoors, but it hadn’t taken long before everyone was sent home. So here he was slipping back into his jacket and safely depositing all his small belongings into various pockets on his person with all script work stored in a plastic shopping bag as he was still struggling through life without a backpack ever since he had lost his in Barking, God rest his backpack’s soul, he missed it more and more with each passing day. He was just thankful he hadn’t lost anything too important with it; imagine if he had lost the script he and Lizzie had worked so hard on!

At least with his new Oyster card he was saved from a long trek back to the flat. And as the game had already started the tube was fairly empty for this time of day with everyone glued to the nearest television. Again, Eric was plenty glad to be returning early and could not wait to be reunited with his love. But not even the excitement of seeing Lizzie could fend off how tired he was. He wasn’t like, dead on his feet tired. He had experienced true exhaustion before and this wasn’t it. It was more so just that he felt super drained with little energy to no motivation to do much of anything…Maybe his batteries were just low and he needed to recharge with Lizzie and he’d be back to normal.

As he unlocked the front door to the flat Lizzie was about all he could think about. He just wanted to hold her tight to his chest and breathe in her love while they blocked out everything around them and disappeared under her blankets to a world all their own. But after locking the door behind him there was a loud cheer coming from the common room and Eric took a moment to collect himself. It was Manchester, of course the flat was watching. It would be fine though, he could just sit and watch with them until everyone went to bed. It would be fine. Or at least, he thought it would be fine.

Eric was really getting hit with all the deja vu lately. ”ERIC!” Okay he knew Malcolm wasn’t that excited to see him, just super amped up from the game. But all eyes turned to him in that moment and the reactions were all across the board. The only one he cared about though was Lizzie’s and just like at Flat Night she now got up from her spot at the dining room table to prance over and greet him. But Eric quickly busied himself with taking off his jacket so as to not get her wet, it wasn’t exactly raining anymore but he still had some residual water from earlier. Besides, the less layers separating him from her the better. He just barely got his arms out of the sleeves before Lizzie was upon him and her momentum had him stepping backwards until he was against the wall while his arms wrapped around to hold her close. He took that breath he had longed so badly for and then held it like an asthmatic would their medication. He needed her to survive just the same and he would prolong this moment for as long as he could. His body was melting under her touch to the point he completely forgot they were in the common room with everyone until another cheer rang out over the game. Well, at least the focus was off of them for the time being. Eric was reluctant to release her as Lizzie initiated pulling back slightly but luckily she only moved far enough so that she could instead pull his neck down towards her and they shared a quick kiss. His hair had fallen down almost like a curtain around their faces and Eric pushed it back when they did eventually separate and Lizzie popped the expected question, asking why he was home so early. Yeah the deja vu was real strong right now. It felt like all their recent greetings had started similarly in that Eric’s schedule kept differing from what was considered normal and so Lizzie was forever kept on her toes as to whether or not something was up. At least this time he got to assure her that nothing was wrong, football had just trumped the Christmas production so he got to come home early.

Lizzie led the way back towards the dining room table where she had been sitting rather than on the couch with the others. It was Eric’s turn to inquire now as the table was practically covered in papers, “What’s all this?” She cleared a space for him to sit across from her while explaining her workload for the week. This was just his luck; the night he got to come home early, Lizzie was swamped with work and the rest of the flat had taken over both couches with snacks and drinks galore on the little coffee table between them all. Still, Eric took a seat at the little area she cleared for him. If this was how they had to spend time together tonight then Eric would gladly sit here all night with her. He didn’t want to ruin anything by touching her set up, it was likely laid out the way it was for a reason, but he was still curious and found himself glancing down at the papers closest to him to get a better idea at just what was stealing his girlfriend’s precious time.

”Eri~” Lizzie had left him to go grab leftovers from Malcolm’s pre-match dinner at which point Angel now came up to him with a smile on his face and a beer in his hand that he quickly held out to Eric, ”Want one?” Had Angel already forgotten his near death experience just over a week ago? Or maybe he just didn’t care or didn’t think Eric would still be affected by it. Even though the black hole in his memory had never filled, Eric still very much so remembered waking up the morning after Flat Night and his entire body now reacted to his subconscious’ memory as he stared down at the drink in Angel’s hand. He had jokingly sworn off alcohol after that day but now that he was presented with the opportunity to drink he felt such a strong hesitation to take part. Angel was of course quick to pick up on his and stepped even closer, “Oh come on, it's just one drink.”
He was right, it was just one drink, just one beer, and historically Eric had great tolerance anyways. Up bright and early for work despite a long night out with the mates— with the exception of after their game night obviously. But something now was keeping Eric from accepting the drink. Some part of him was growing increasingly uncomfortable the longer Angel stood here with that overly confident smile of his. It was like there was this odd anxious feeling now playing a round of bowling in the pit of his stomach. With that tense feeling as you watch the ball slide down the lane towards the pins while you're trying to determine whether or not it will be a strike. Why? Why was he getting such a physical reaction to this right now?

It wasn’t making any sense to Eric, if anything it was just making him more and more confused but in the end he did reach out to accept the beer, even if only to get Angel to let up, ”Cheers, yeah?” Angel clinked his glass and Eric followed suit to take a drink with him but ultimately that anxious feeling coupled with his hazy memory of spending his morning in the bathroom was too strong and Eric was setting the beer on the table as soon as Angel left to rejoin the others in front of the telly. He didn’t exactly feel sick from his sip of the alcohol, it really wasn’t a taste trigger. In fact the feeling began to subside as soon as Lizzie returned to the table with his dinner.

”Can you even get any work done out here?” He was about half done eating when the couch sitters cheered for another goal. Eric’s eyes were on Lizzie as they had been almost nonstop since he had gotten home. Could she really work out here with the game going? It was certainly impressive watching her ability to focus on her task at hand and block out all the noise from just across the room. Well apparently she could and she went on to suggest he go lay down in her room. It’d be more comfortable and definitely quieter, only Eric refused her offer by saying he wanted to stay with her. He was fine, he’d sit here and keep her company while she worked. Only...it didn’t take long after he’d finished eating for Eric’s head to end up resting in his hand as his elbow leaned on the table. His drink had been abandoned about half finished because Eric just could not seem to keep his eyes open any longer. It was Lizzie’s voice to call him back before he could reach any level of deep sleep. He sat up straight upon realizing he had fallen asleep, Lizzie had left her little workstation and was standing in front of him. How long had he been asleep for?

Earlier Lizzie had suggested he go to her room to rest, she now revised her prior words and insisted he go sleep in her bed. Apparently it was pretty obvious how tired he was and she didn’t want him sitting here all night waiting for the game to end. Eric was definitely reluctant to agree, partly because he simply did not want to leave her, but also there was that nagging voice in the back of his head reminding him that he didn’t live here. It felt a little odd to go to Lizzie’s room without her. Eric tried. He made his case about wanting to stay in here with her but Lizzie easily won this debate, he couldn’t say no to her. She promised she would be in as soon as she finished but Eric just cast the assortment of papers a side eye glance knowing he’d likely be asleep long before she finished. She wouldn’t even let him clear his dishes and continued to insist he go straight to bed. Nah uh, he would do this one task at least— she had grabbed the front of his shirt and Eric was weak against her. Every move she made, every word she said, Eric couldn’t fight her on this any longer, ”Hurry up, I’m going to wait for you,” it was an empty threat on Eric’s part. He would definitely be asleep in a matter of moments once in her bed but he still just needed to emphasize that he was not okay with this plan despite going along with it. He wanted her in there with him, not out here stressing by herself.

But so that was how Eric ended up in the hall reaching to open Lizzie’s door, “Long time no see,” He looked over to see Olivia emerging from the bathroom and couldn’t quite decide if he was happy to see his best friend because he loved her or if he wanted to run and hide before she could scold him for all that he had messed up on. Yesterday they hadn't had a chance to be alone together, he had been a little preoccupied with Lizzie when they got back and then knocked out early. And this morning too when he’d finally seen Olivia face to face he was once again with Lizzie and so neither attempted to have any sort of conversation concerning Eric’s disappearance. But now he was alone and she lucked out on her timing, “So, you wanna tell me where you’ve been all week?”

Did they have to do this right now? He was tired and really just wanted to go to bed. The entire week was catching up and hitting him hard. Definitely a two night recovery type of deal. He just needed another solid night of sleep and then maybe he could make it through all of this with Olivia. But she couldn’t have been after anything too detailed or she would have pulled him away to somewhere more private. The flat hallway outside Lizzie’s room was far from private. Literally anyone could walk in on them. She knew this, she was pushing him, ”Work mostly, rehearsals, not really—“
”Eric. I know you haven't been by, where did you stay?”
”The car…”
“Honestly can you just move in already? You're here every night anyways, why are you so against it?” Why was he against it? She had a point, except for this past week he had been sleeping here every night since Barking. But there was still that little voice in the back of his head telling him he couldn't stay, not permanently anyways. This wasn't his. He needed to have an out at all times in case things went bad again and settling here just felt like such a vulnerable move. By not moving in it felt as though he could keep his lives separate. Here at the flat he could be with Lizzie and be happy and she was kept safe. All the while he left his baggage at the door because here in the flat, Barking didn't exist anymore. If he moved in then where would he put all his stuff? And he didn’t mean his physical belongings…

He had just told Lizzie he wouldn't put it on her, that he didn't want her to carry it. If he moved in then he would be back to shouldering it all alone and they were right back to how things were before. No, he couldn't move in. As great as that sounded he had already made his decision to keep Barking out of his relationship with Lizzie and that's how it was going to stay. As long as he was with her he couldn’t bring his life into the flat like that so he would remain living out of his car for the rest of his life if that’s what it took to keep Lizzie safe from it all.

Olivia went on to mention his argument with Lizzie and asked how they patched things up, “I asked her to not bring it up anymore. We agreed not to talk about it.”
“Why? Eric you should just tell her everything,” all Eric could do was stare slightly dumbfounded back at Olivia. Tell her? Olivia had flipped back and forth so many times concerning whether or not Lizzie needed to know about Barking. Some days she didn’t want him to tell her, other times she felt he shouldn’t keep it from her. Which was it!? But currently Olivia reasoned that clearly this was a recurring issue between them and pretending that it didn't exist would only work for so long. It was just a bandaid over an untreated wound. Sooner or later something related would happen again and Lizzie would not know how to help or react because he had kept her in the dark all this time. And maybe next time would be the breaking point that he couldn’t come back from. She explained that it would be easier for Lizzie to accept any future occurrences(because let’s be real, he was stuck in this life for a while), if she had even a base level understanding to help keep her afloat. If their relationship was on a negative to positive scale, Lizzie needed to be allowed to return to zero: understanding the situation. Because otherwise each situation would just drop her further and further into the negatives and it would just be harder and harder for them to bounce back from it.
”I mean she basically heard it all at Flat Night anyways—“ Eric’s expression stopped her mid sentence, ”You don’t remember...?”
And his silence was answer enough, ”Anddd she never told you….oh.”
Olivia sighed and glanced nervously back towards the common room. She knew they wouldn’t get any further with this right now. This was neither the time or place to be talking in depth about all this, ”Look, we played Never Have I Ever and Eric, you lost pretty bad mate. You said a lot that night. And then you two fought? Lizzie deserves some real answers after all that. And you need to stop sleeping in the bloody car alright? I didn’t give you back your keys just so you could run away again,” but Eric was only half listening by that point, his mind got stuck on the fact he had apparently exposed some secrets in front of the whole flat and no one had told him about it, ”Let’s talk tomorrow, just...think about it, okay? ”

And think about it he did. By the time Eric had finished changing out of his day clothes and was climbing into Lizzie’s bed his head was spinning. The first thoughts haunting him were the fact that things had apparently been said during the flat’s game night and no one had told him. He wasn’t so much upset that he hadn’t been told, that wasn’t really it. He wasn’t feeling upset towards anyone for not telling him, it was more so directed at himself for letting himself get to that point. What had he said? He had already had an encounter with Lizzie where she already knew something he thought was brand new information. But so this meant that during everything he had said yesterday...Lizzie had already known something. She had just let him talk, and talk, and t— ”Shut up and kiss me, babe.” No, he wasn’t upset with Lizzie, most definitely not. They had agreed to not talk of Barking anymore. Whatever she knew would just stay in the back of her mind. Any questions she had concerning it would stay forever unanswered. This was what was best for them, for them to be able to move on and not have their relationship dictated by his tragic past.

But at the same time...Olivia had spoken some truth and her voice resonated in his thoughts as he now lay on his side staring at Lizzie’s bedside table. Lizzie had agreed to let it go. She had done that for him so that they could stay together. Because she loved him. But Olivia had had a good point: what about next time? Eric couldn’t promise there wouldn’t be a next time. Nothing in his life was guaranteed, and that included Lizzie. They had made up a total of three times now after misunderstandings and disagreements, but could he really just expect her to always be willing to compromise with him? Would she do anything for him the way he would for her? No, wait, back up Eric. That wasn’t fair. She had done so much already, the willingness to do something and the ability to do it were two different things. Eric knew very well what it felt like to be worn thin. He had done so much for his mother over the years just to get the same results time and time again. Towards the end he just couldn’t keep it up any longer and he did not want to put Lizzie in that same position. By the time Eric could no longer fight the sleep he had come to a realization of sorts that part of his willingness to do anything for her needed to include doing things he did not want to do. That even though relationships were a two way street with both sides needing to compromise, maybe he needed to yield on this one. If he wanted to wake up every morning with her at his side then he needed to be here, with her in his life. And in order for him to stay here in the flat with her he needed to show her everything he came with before she got in too deep and drowned in it all. He was going to have to tell her.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110818-----------❖ LOCATION — cafe-----------❖ COMPANY — eric & olivia
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

It was difficult to pinpoint which caught Lizzie’s attention first: the smells or the noise. Lizzie paused at the front door as she registered how good the flat smelled and the amount of noise coming from the common room. Despite having been made aware of the importance of today, it wasn’t until this very moment that she registered that this day was actually a real big deal.

Tonight was the first Manchester United match since she moved into the flat. She was well aware how much the English loved soccer...erm, football. It was one of the things she learned when she was preparing to leave for her study abroad program. That being said, the flat is a Manchester United flat. Or, at least that was what she picked up on in the months she’s been living there. Ricki once mentioned to her in the earlier months that Manchester United matches were always a big deal in the flat because Malcolm was the die hard supporter. The other flatmates had their specific teams, but when it came to Manchester United, no one could stop Malcolm from going above and beyond to make each match as enjoyable to watch as possible. Something about it being his form of a lucky charm for his beloved team.

And who could ever argue against free food?

“Wow, Malcolm, I swear! You never cease to amaze me!” Lizzie complimented when she walked into the common room. “I could smell everything from down the hall, but now that I’m here, it smells like heaven!” As she took in another deep breath to breathe in the smells of Malcolm’s cooking, she could feel and hear her stomach grumbling. She was definitely starving.

Thankfully, all the food was a pre-game meal. As soon as Malcolm laid all the food out on the dining table, everyone in the flat was quick to take a seat and dig in. For a Wednesday, it was surprising to Lizzie to see everyone home fairly early. The kick off was not scheduled for another couple hours and yet even Olivia the workaholic was home.

After dinner, Lizzie was struck with a rather difficult dilemma. As this was her first Manchester United match in the flat, of course she wanted to be out with her flatmates watching the game. However, she could not ignore the constant reminder in the back of her mind that she had a TON of work to do this week. The last minute second manuscript assignment put her entire work schedule behind by days and she needed tonight and tomorrow morning to catch up on most of it. This was the only time she had to get a lot of work done while Eric was busy. She wasn’t going to deny any longer that he was a distraction, especially now that they were officially dating. So to have this time to herself without him around was very much needed. But...the game….

In the end, Lizzie decided to try her luck. Once the dining table was cleared of all the food Malcolm cooked earlier, Lizzie unpacked her school backpack and grabbed her manuscripts from her bedroom. She called dibs on the entire dining table to use as her work station. She was going to do both: get work done while watching the Manchester United match. Years of swim training taught her a very useful skill; tuning out distractions to focus on a singular goal. Lizzie may not be the most studious person, but when it came to her work ethic, it was top notch and always got the work done.

And done, the work got. While the rest of the flat crowded the living room area and cheered for Manchester United’s defense or offense, Lizzie hung back at the dining table. She finally started on the second manuscript after getting through a couple chapters of her class readings. It was a good thing she and Anna developed a study buddy system. Now she was only responsible for half the readings while Anna had the other half.

The only way for Lizzie to keep track of time was during the momentary breaks she took to check on the progress of the match. Despite being able to tune out much of the commentary coming from the television, every time her flatmates cheered or had any other type of reaction she would look up to see what was going on. It was for this reason that when Eric walked into the common room near the end of the first half, Lizzie had to double check the time on her laptop to make sure she read it correctly. Eric was well over an hour early coming back from rehearsal.

Lizzie didn’t hang on to the confusion of Eric’s arrival for long. After all, they were deep in the honeymoon phase of their new relationship. Eric-free, distraction-free time could never be better than Eric time. Sorry, workload. Lizzie is currently unavailable at this time while she goes to greet and cater to her hard working boyfriend.

“So you know how I have, like, a partner at my internship?” Lizzie asked in response to Eric’s inquiry about her work station. She then went on to explain her updated work schedule for this week all thanks to her “all talk” partner. “Don’t worry, though. I got this.”

Before getting back to work, Lizzie walked over to the kitchen to grab the plate of leftovers she put aside for when Eric came home. She just put it in the microwave to reheat it when she turned to check on him and saw that someone else went to keep him company. The second she saw Angel lean in close to Eric she held her breath in an attempt to control her emotions. Had she not kept her feelings in check, she would have stormed right back to the dining table to get Eric away from that little devil. Just the very look on Angel’s face made Lizzie on edge. She was pretty sure that Eric had no recollection about what happened during game night. They would have talked about the things she learned during Never Have I Ever if he did remember. If he didn’t remember the drinking game, he obviously wouldn’t remember the reason why he got so drunk in the first place.

Lizzie stopped the microwave with seven seconds left. She quickly grabbed Eric’s dinner and returned to the dining table. All it took was for Angel to look away from Eric and catch Lizzie’s hard glare for him to back off and rejoin the others. Good. He at least knew how to back off when told, or signaled. With a final look to make sure Angel minded his own business again, Lizzie placed Eric’s dinner down in front of him and took her seat.

It wasn’t long after Eric finished his dinner and abandoned the beer Angel gave him earlier that Lizzie noticed that he was starting to doze off. He must be so tired after work and rehearsals. “Babe, do you wanna go to my room and rest?” she asked. Eric insisted that he was fine. But after catching him a couple more times in the middle of dozing off again, Lizzie changed her tone and practically insisted he rest in her room. The first half of the match ended with penalty kicks so they just started the second half. His couch would not be available for at least another hour and Lizzie was certain he would not be able to hold on much longer.

The thing about some promises was that if worded pretty vaguely, they could easily be fulfilled. Lizzie technically fulfilled her promise to Eric. She did join him in her room once she was done with all her work. Only, she returned to her room over an hour after the game was done and everyone filed out of the common room to get ready for bed. By the time Lizzie packed away her school things and bookmarked her place in her manuscripts, she was the last one out and about in the flat. Which meant she was in charge of turning off all the lights, making sure the windows in the common room were closed and locked and then closing the double doors before going to her room.

The only light source in her bedroom came from the lamp on her desk. That must have been Eric’s attempt to stay awake. Obviously, it didn’t work. When Lizzie returned to her room, both her roommate and her boyfriend were fast asleep. She changed and prepared for bed while trying to make as little noise as possible so as to not wake the other two. Once she returned from the bathroom after brushing her teeth, Lizzie turned off her desk lamp then tiptoed over to her bed. As she pulled the comforter out to slip in, she froze when she heard Eric grumble in his sleep. After a couple seconds, it was clear that he didn’t wake up. With a light laugh, Lizzie slipped into bed then slid closer to Eric. He slept facing the wall and his back toward her. Once she adjusted her side of the bed, Lizzie wrapped an arm around Eric’s waist to snuggle up against his back. Content, she easily fell asleep.

There were a couple factors from last night that resulted in Lizzie being unable to wake up at her usual early time. The first was the time she went to bed. Although she left the common room around ten, she did not get into bed with Eric until after eleven. The second was her schedule for the day. As it was Thursday, she was not scheduled to go into the city until later that afternoon for class. She also did not have her bi-weekly Thursday morning study group today. So, yeah, there really was no point for her to wake up early.

The only reason she bothered regaining consciousness was when Eric returned to her room to let her know that he was going to work. Naturally, sleepy Lizzie protested this. However, it is safe to say that for Lizzie, anything that happened between the hours of six to eight that morning were more dream-like than reality. Yes, she did consciously reach out to him insisting that he return to bed before she got lonely. But when she fully woke up an hour later, she swore that the memory of that morning was actually just a dream stemmed from the lack of Eric’s presence right next to her.

If she thought she was going to get any work done this morning, she was wrong. The mistake she made was letting her laptop automatically sign in to Skype when it booted up. She was in the middle of typing up notes to include in her report for work when the Skype ringtone went off and her group chat name with JKL popped up in the middle of the screen. Lizzie did the math quickly. It was currently ten in the morning in London. Which meant it was about two in the morning in LA. Whyyyy were her friends still awake?

Okay, correction. It was Jade and Lacey that were still awake. Lizzie should have known that Katie would be offline at this time. The swim season just started. It was practically illegal to be up anytime after eleven the latest. Jade and Lacey, on the other hand…

“Well, well well. Look who finally came back from the dead!” Lacey teased with a giggle. A quick glance at the hotel room behind her best friend told Lizzie enough about why she was still up. Lacey was obviously in the middle of a work trip and either just got back to her room or was catching up on her own school work. A part of her momentarily pictured her talking to her boyfriend, Aiden, but just like Katie...he was likely fast asleep by now because of the season.

Jade, well, it was just like her to still be up at this time.

“Yeahhhh long time no see there, Liz,” Jade chimed in, sarcasm naturally in her voice.

Lizzie rolled her eyes, amused. “Hey, don’t be like that! You know I’ve been crazyyyy busy lately!” she defended.

“Are you sure about that?” said Jade suddenly. There was a momentary pause among the three until she added, “Are we going to gloss over the texts we’ve been sending you like they aren’t a thing?”

A couple days after her and Eric’s fight, JKL tried reaching out to her via text asking for a check in. Apparently, Lizzie’s daily “Snap Streaks” to her best friends had them concerned that something was up with her. Lizzie pretty much ignored those texts. It wasn’t entirely on purpose, of course. She recalled seeing the text messages, but always forgot to respond back due to her busy schedule or her efforts to not think about her fight with Eric. When she finally did reach out to JKL, it was to inform them that she would be sending the souvenirs she bought them from Disneyland Paris. Their concerns were still not resolved. Until now.

“You sure it was just a busy schedule that kept you busy last week?” Well, it looks like she wasn’t going to get out of this talk after all. In truth, Lizzie was a bit terrified to update JKL on all that happened with Eric since last week. She still did not tell them about what happened during game night. Whatever they knew was whatever she sent them via Snapchat or her Instagram post. And the thought of telling them about their argument made her feel ill. The last thing she wanted to hear was an “I told you so” from Jade.

As both Jade and Lacey waited for Lizzie to say something, she let out a defeated sigh then closed her manuscript. “Well...I guess the first thing I gotta tell you is that Eric and I have pretty much DTR’d.” She paused to let that statement sink in. “We’re, like, official now. He’s my boyfriend!”

Lacey’s reaction was expected. Her screen was full of bright smiles and repeated congratulations. Jade, however, dampened the mood with just one sentence. “Aren’t you two going a little too fast for something that is not likely to last?”

Lizzie’s smile faltered. “What?” was all she could say. How could Jade ask such a stupid question?

“Look, the last time we talked about this guy, you still seemed pretty uncertain about him. What the hell changed that suddenly made you believe he’s boyfriend material?” Lizzie swallowed her defense back. No, trying to prove Jade wrong was not the right way to go. It was too much information that her best friend was not at liberty to have. Not even to prove that being with Eric was exactly what she needed. “Liz, I get that you’re so into this guy. And you’re welcome to have, like, flings while you’re there. No one is expecting you to be a nun for a year. But come on, you’re better off keeping things casual.”

“But, Jade,” Lacey said now, “Liz really likes Eric. And he obviously likes her back. Nothing good came out of them being casual, honestly. Like, remember that time she was up with us ‘til, like, three in the morning there after that night they went out to do karaoke? Maybe being in an actual relationship will fix everything.”

Lizzie nodded in agreement with Lacey. “Actually,” she said now, “He told me he loves me. And I told him I love him back.”

Once again, the reactions were such polar opposites. Lacey was hiding her excitement behind her hands in an attempt to not scream out loud. She was in a hotel room after all. Jade stared straight at the screen with wide eyes.

“Okay,” said Jade. “You two are definitely going too fast. There is no way you two love each other after only a couple months!”

“Why not?!” Lizzie was growing more and more annoyed now. What was Jade’s deal? Why is she insisting on raining on her parade? “Why is it so hard to believe that I’m crazy for Eric?”

“Really? Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Yeah!” Lizzie leaned back on her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “Tell me why you think my feelings are not valid.”

There was silence among them again. Without Katie on the line, Lacey was left feeling powerless trying to keep the peace. Katie was the mediator of the group. She knew exactly how to defuse a sticky situation. So while Lacey panicked over how she could resolve any disagreements that might come up in the next few minutes, Lizzie waited impatiently for whatever lame opinion Jade had about her relationship with Eric.

“What about my cousin?”

Lizzie blinked. She stared at her for a moment, confused. She stammered over her words while the cogs in her head slowly turned. Eventually, she found her voice. “What? What about Brandon?”

Jade let out an exasperated scoff. Now she looked as annoyed as she sounded. “Are you really tryna tell me that you’re basically over him? Just like that?” She scoffed again. “Didn’t you two, like, get back together right before you left?”

“Jade, are you kidding me? You, of all people, know what’s up with me and Brandon.” It was Lizzie’s turn to scoff. “I wasn’t the one that decided not to try long distance. And not even getting back together for a few weeks changed that opinion!”

“But you two had that agreement that you were going to get back together when you come back from your program. What? Is that now off the table ‘cause of Eric? You two going to keep dating after you leave?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “I don’t fucking know! Jesus, we just agreed to start dating. He told me he loves me two days ago and you expect me to have our entire relationship figured out?” She adjusted her position on her chair so that she was sitting straighter. “You know what, if Brandon hadn’t been so against long distance, we wouldn’t be here right now. But as it were, what I feel for Eric is nothing compared to what I felt while I was with Brandon. I thought I loved him, but it wasn’t love. What I feel for Eric is beyond anything I have ever felt for any guy I’ve dated. In the few months I’ve been with him, we’ve already gone through so much shit and it should have been my sign to walk away. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I can’t.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jade asked.

“It means that, yes, I’m completely over your cousin, Jade. I love Eric. And I’m getting so sick of your devil’s advocate feelings toward him. He doesn’t deserve any of it, because you don’t know him like I do. He’s not like my other boyfriends and I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m going to do everything I can to be with him and if you have a problem with that, then tough fucking luck.” Without another word, Lizzie ended the video call and shut her laptop aggressively. She breathed heavily. Her heart was racing from how angry she was. This was not how she planned her day to go.

While she tried to recover from the disaster of a conversation with her friends, Lizzie ignored the text messages coming in from Lacey to go directly to WhatsApp.

Hi babe! Hope work isn’t kicking your ass​

too much. I miss you XX​

After reassuring Lacey that she would talk to her eventually once she cooled down, Lizzie returned to her workload in an attempt to distract her from Jade's selfish stupidity. When she wasn’t focusing on her readings, she was staring at her phone impatiently waiting for Eric to go on his break or his lunch...whichever came first.

Lizzie managed to cool down and push aside the situation with Jade by the time she made it to school. However, her anger towards Jade had her thinking about Eric more than usual. Obviously, she missed him. They didn’t really get much time together since yesterday morning. Throughout class, she got lost in the memories of Tuesday night. She missed the feeling of his warm hands against her skin. Or the sound of his breath against her ear when she kissed his neck. Or the almost primal urges she felt wishing she could kiss more of him. God, she wished this class would hurry up and finish already. She couldn’t wait to be back at the flat with Eric.

When class finally ended, Lizzie already had her phone in hand ready to text Eric. On Thursdays he got out of work around the same time that she finished with school. Hopefully she can catch him in time to send him a text while his iPod was still connected to the hotel’s wifi.

She was in the middle of typing him a text when WhatsApp completely disappeared. In its place was Olivia’s name across the screen. “Hey, you off now?” Olivia asked as soon as Lizzie answered the call.

“Uh, yeah. I’m heading to the station right now. Why, what’s up?” Lizzie heard what sounded like a car door closing in the background as Olivia asked if she wanted to grab dinner before going home. As she walked down the steps leading to the exit, Lizzie looked at the time on her phone. Didn’t Olivia have work today? She voiced her confusion as soon as she brought her phone back to her ear.

“I’m done with work today. I, um, I wanted to talk to you about Eric.”

Lizzie blinked. “What about? Is everything okay?” Olivia was quick to reassure Lizzie that everything was fine. But when that wasn’t enough to calm her down, she continued with the request that she wanted her help persuading Eric to move into the flat. Something about brainstorming ideas now that Lizzie is officially his girlfriend. “Oh! Uh, yeah sure. You really think I can help?”

“Hasn’t he been sleeping in your room two nights in a row this week?” Olivia argued. “Not to mention, up until last week, he’s been coming to the flat every day since last month. Your influence as his girlfriend is obviously greater than mine as his best friend and don’t even try to deny it.”

When Lizzie walked up the steps to leave the Boundary station, the late afternoon sky from an hour ago was gone. The lamp posts outside were switched on as people walked in every direction to head home. Lizzie pulled out her phone to check the time. She agreed to meet Olivia at the cafe near the flat at 5:30. Because of delays in the city, Lizzie was almost fifteen minutes late for that meeting time.

Finally at the cafe, Lizzie scanned the area for any sign of her flatmate. She found her at a table near the window...but she wasn’t alone. Wait. What’s Eric doing here?

“Hey!” she greeted as she approached the table. “I didn’t know you were going to be here too, babe.” As she dropped her backpack on the floor next to her chair, she leaned in to Eric to kiss his cheek. She then pulled off her jacket and took a seat beside him to face Olivia. “So, what’s going on?” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110818-----------❖ LOCATION — the cafe-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie & olivia
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

There is nothing more perfect than the feeling of waking up next to the love of your life as Eric would attest to that morning as he opened his eyes to see Lizzie’s peacefully sleeping face directly in front of his. At first he was just blissfully unaware of the fact that he was now awake and should be getting up. It felt as though nothing else in the world mattered or even existed so long as his head was on that pillow with Lizzie in arm’s reach. But it didn’t take long for last night’s memories to flash across his thoughts, specifically Olivia’s little speech and his later realization: if he wanted to wake up every morning with her at his side then he needed to be here, with her in his life.

That’s right, he had decided last night to tell Lizzie the truth about Barking. All of it. Everything he had asked her to never mention again he now had to dig deep into his soul and rip out of its hiding place. There would be no second chances after this. Once everything was said there would be no taking anything back. He could not rehide anything once exposed. In order for this— in order for them to work he had to tell her.

It was that dread that actually got him moving to untangle the comforter from himself and then ever so carefully climb out of bed. As much as he would have loved to stay in bed all morning, day and night with her, seeing her right now was just a painful reminder that it may soon all be over. What if she decided after hearing his story that she no longer wanted any part in this relationship? She had blindly signed the contract by saying she was in for all of it, but that was no different than agreeing to the terms and conditions of a software or piece of technology without reading through it only to find out later that you authorized access to all your personal information. Lizzie had said what she needed to say to get what she wanted, but really she didn’t have a clue what she had signed up for. His perfect little Lizzie…

After readjusting the comforter around her he slipped out of the room to go get ready for his day: a shower, tea and toast. Ohh if only it were that simple. Olivia was waiting for him in the kitchen and as she poured her coffee into a tumbler went on to tell him to hurry up and that she would drive him to work that morning.

It was a sort of selfish future regret that pushed Eric to go wake Lizzie up so that he could tell her he was leaving and say his goodbyes before leaving for work. A part of him was so scared that this would be his last morning with her, and it was that part of him that didn’t care he was waking her well before she needed to be up. He wanted to see her, to be with her— for her to stay with him. But just in case she didn’t, he needed to see her one last time while she still loved him.

Once in the car with Olivia it seemed there would be no chance for Eric to change his mind and back out of his decision. He told her. He told her he was willing to tell Lizzie everything and Olivia went on to devise a plan that they would tell Lizzie early that very evening, “After this you have to move in for real, no more just dropping in whenever’s convenient for you. If you want her to be part of your life then you have to be part of ours.” She went on to decide then and there that she would leave early today and pick him up when he got off work so they would have time to talk before meeting with Lizzie, because after all, Eric still had a giant black spot in his memory and Olivia seemed to think he had missed out on some vital information or something.

Luckily for Eric he managed to find a small distraction from wondering about Flat Night and the impending talk with Lizzie. It was a very small distraction, after all he was still thinking about Lizzie, just in a different context. She had texted him earlier and found himself typing up a reply as soon as he noticed the message on his iPod lockscreen when he took his first break. It was definitely a new experience for him. Not that he had never texted at work or something. He wasn’t completely friendless or anything. No, the newness came from this sudden obsession he had with his iPod. He had never been so attached to it before, never had to hold all his nerves still while waiting for a reply, he had never been so excited to receive a text as he was texting Lizzie. Twice during that shift he snuck back to his belongings to text Lizzie in secret and the thrill of it all was strong enough to keep his thoughts from wandering.

That is at least until when his shift ended and he exited the hotel to see Olivia waiting for him outside. She had said she was going to pick him so this wasn’t a surprise to him, but a part of him had hoped she would forget or that something would come up and she’d have to cancel. But no, it was just the opposite actually and she had cleared her precious late afternoon hours to be with him and push this conversation forward.

— —— — —— — —— —

“Uhh, like...sex for money and sleeping with someone a lot older than you...”
Eric stared back in silence, a bit stupefied with what he was hearing, “...and I drank…?”
“Eric, you drank every turn.”
“What else came up??”
“For Gods—I don’t remember every word!” But after busying herself with a long sip of her water Olivia sighed in an attempt to settle herself before continuing to rattle off what details she could, obviously not word for word.

Eric’s main takeaway of his black out drunk night was that he’d had zero control of the situation. Up till now he had done a fair bit of policing as far as what information Lizzie found out, but it seemed that had all just gone right out the window while Angel consecutively rapid fired all these personal attacks at him. Why? What did Angel have to gain from all this? But honestly Angel’s involvement quickly slipped his mind, Eric was far more focused on all these vague facts Lizzie had uncovered and that she hadn’t mentioned a single one.

He recalled that during their fight after Flat Night Lizzie had said something about “finding out through a drinking game” and it made him sick now thinking about how she had known all this but still kept it to herself during all that. She had swallowed it all and agreed to never talk of it again. They had just made that agreement and now he was to break it. He was going to drag it all back up and force her to experience hearing it all over again. But honestly he hadn’t the slightest idea anymore as to just how much she truly knew.

”Eric,” Olivia paused for him to acknowledge her but he wouldn’t look up from a spot on the table so she just continued on, ”Is it true then? Did you really…” She couldn’t seem to finish her sentence, sort of as though as long as she didn’t say it then it wasn’t real but Eric made no effort to deny her question.
”Fine,” she was frustrated, there was no hiding that. But it wasn’t that she was mad at him for keeping it from her, more so at herself for not seeing through his lie earlier, and then at Howard for putting him in that position in the first place, ”Well as long as you tell Lizzie the truth.”
She wasn’t going to force him to tell this story twice. Lizzie was on her way anyways, so Olivia was willing to wait. Instead she filled the following silence by checking her watch and then slowly stirring the straw around in her water to play with the lemon slice floating inside, ”She should be here soon…”

The wait was killing him. Eric was nervous to the point of being nauseous and all he had in front of him was a glass of water because he couldn’t stomach the thought of eating or drinking anything else right now. So much for grabbing dinner...after being so overwhelmingly excited to see Lizzie yesterday, today he was dreading every second up until she walked through the doors.

He saw her first, but while normally he would have moved to catch her attention, today he sat perfectly still as though she wouldn’t notice him that way. It didn’t work. While his heart and mind wanted so badly for her to turn around and walk back out, Eric’s body betrayed him almost immediately as a smile slipped onto his face as she greeted him. Her presence alone was so infectious and as much as he didn’t want to be here under these circumstances he was simply so happy to have her back at his side after leaving her for work nearly ten hours earlier.

Pushing his hair back Eric glanced from Lizzie to Olivia and then down towards the middle of the table between them all ”Uhm…”
”I’ll start then,” Olivia scooted her chair in a little closer and leaned forward to rest her elbows on the table as she spoke directly to Lizzie. Forward speaking wasn’t exactly Eric’s forte so she’d get the ball rolling, ”Eric said he’s willing to move in.”
Eric could feel Lizzie’s excitement grow beside him and he honestly felt like throwing up now knowing just how much he was going to crush all that happiness in the minutes to come, ”But we talked about it and there’s something you should know before he does.”
Oh wow, that wasn’t ominous….but Olivia had set the stage, it was now or never— only Eric couldn’t look at Lizzie still as his hand fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves in his lap. The next pause was definitely awkward. Was Olivia done speaking? Was she going to continue and lead this conversation? Was it his turn? Was he supposed to take over now?

”Lizzie, I’m sorry but—“ he bit down on his lower lip after cutting himself off. Eric had just been an endless series of apologies to her lately and he hated it. He let out a slow exhale before continuing, ”I know this isn’t fair to you after I just asked you not to—and thank you, for agreeing to—but...you need to know…all of it...”
Eric glanced over in that moment, trying to gauge her reaction to once again getting jerked around with his secrets. But just as quickly as he looked to her he was then turning back towards the table. He wasn’t brave enough to speak directly, not to Lizzie and not with this particular subject matter, ”Something will always come up and...well you need to know what...”
What I’ve done.
What I’ve been through.
What I’m still dealing with.
What it takes to be with me.
”...who I am.” That wasn’t exactly the phrasing he had wanted but it wasn’t like Eric had been allocated time to write a speech before coming here.

When Eric did finally get into it he started from the very beginning and had managed to turn a little more towards Lizzie, his eyes dancing from her to the table and back as he spoke, ”My Mum raised me by herself, in Barking. I never met my father, he was gone before I was born…”

”Mum worked herself half to death to support us on her own and it was fine just the two of us. And uhm, well, that was how Olivia and I met,” after a glance to Olivia he took the first of many pauses to come. Eric was well aware that Lizzie already knew this bit but he really just needed a stable starting point. Solid ground to plant himself into before he let this story take flight. He was a little worried Lizzie would say something about how he was just retelling old stories at this point but Olivia gave him the briefest of nods to encourage him on—another glance to Lizzie and then he too was leaning into the table as his hands found a napkin to busy themselves with.

Eric went on to explain how money had always been tight for them for as long as he could remember. Being left on his own from a young age and getting most of his meals via lunch at school. Part of him was dragging on and mentioning random childhood facts now to avoid all the heavy truths to come, but he still needed to paint the picture properly which meant explaining his childhood to later help with understanding why things turned out the way they did. That from the beginning they had nothing. No support system to fall back on. It wasn’t that they had a good life and then tragically lost it all. No, none of that. But it was the only life Eric knew growing up and it wasn’t until interacting with other kids his age that he learned his life wasn’t normal.

”Uhm, I’m not sure exactly when I actually started to understand what was happening, but Mum started staying home more frequently and Howard would often come over for dinner. Mum eventually started kicking me out to go play outside as he came to visit in the middle of the day—she was fucking him to get a few hundred knocked off our rent.” The mood of Eric’s rambling story shifted suddenly, as though he couldn’t keep up this vague cover up for his mother anymore and just had to spit the word out before the bitter taste sat on his tongue a moment longer. There were numerous other words he could have used to describe his mother’s growing relationship with Howard but Eric really couldn’t hold himself back about it. That was around the time he started going down to the church by himself. If he wasn’t with Olivia then he was playing in the church courtyard or with donated toys in the room above the altar. That had become his safe space.

The money she saved on rent didn’t turn around to help improve their life though. No, if anything it all got worse from then on, ”He got her hooked on drugs— heroin...”
Eric didn’t know how to continue on from that statement. He had grown aggressive with the napkin while telling his story and there were now tiny shreds of the paper in a little pile on the table that he kept his eyes trained on. His jaw was locked in place while he fought to keep his anger internalized. This was the first time he had ever told that to anyone and presently his own dark feelings overrode the relief of getting it off his chest. He’d never had to confess this part to Olivia as she’d been witness to it while growing up. So now that he had said it aloud his mind was swirling with memories of that time period.

It started off okay. His mother had finally seemed happy. She would bring home expensive leftovers from fancy restaurants Howard took her to and Howard would sometimes bring him toys when he came over. It could be compared to him trying to fill the role of father figure except his only reasoning was his interest in Eric’s mother. He only really did things for Eric because in his mother’s lucid moments she cared deeply for him and was everything to Eric. He had always loved the quality time that was spent just the two of them. The days they would sit in the living room and do puzzles, when she would miss work to stay home with him when he was sick, TV dinners, telling her wild stories his young imagination had created— the good times were amazing and Eric’s voice caught in his throat before going on to describe the bad.

The days she was too high to know where she was. The days she was too depressed to get out of bed. The days that nine, ten, eleven year old Eric had to clean up his mother’s vomit off the bathroom floor or go to bed hungry because she hadn’t bought groceries for weeks. He didn’t know it at the time but Howard had completely stopped charging them rent. He was content with keeping her for his own company while she funneled away every last penny into drugs or alcohol. Eric may have legally still been a child and under her care, but he was living rather independently from an early age. It was during these years that Eric began distancing himself from her. He got lost in his own imagination and would spend hours outside by himself just sitting there because anywhere was better than being in the house while his mother was like that.

Things got a little easier when he turned sixteen and was able to get a part time job but he quickly learned to squirrel it all away after coming home to find his mother had spent it all on several occasions. He had grown an interest in theatre at school and so between that and his job he finally had real reasons to avoid going home. His mother would stay with Howard some nights or disappear for days on end, but she showed less and less responsibility or recognition of her duty as his mother. If anything their roles were reversed by this point. He was at an age that he could and did take care of her now that he could physically lift her and had enough life experience to understand situations. These became the years of empty promises. She’d promise to do better, she’d promise to show up, she’d promise to get help, but time after time she just let him down and would crawl back to Howard every single time.

Remember that money he had made? He poured it all into schooling. Eric secured enough scholarship to attend university and he finally had a true escape. He loved being in school. This was his chance to start over. No one knew him there and he was a legal adult so he never had to deal with faking his mother’s signature or coming up with excuses why she could attend parent teacher conferences. University was such a liberating experience and the theatre department had been his stepping stool into the troupe he was currently involved with. He should have been free from that point on. He was on track to graduate and get a real job and move himself out of Barking, only his happiness was fleeting...

”As you know, I uhm...I dropped out of university— Mum died when I was nineteen and I couldn’t— “ God this was so difficult to explain and he hadn’t even touched any of the things Lizzie was waiting to hear about concerning Barking, ”Howard had tracked everything Mum owed him and put under my name. I couldn’t keep up with school on top of paying him back.”

”He evicted me from the flat— he wanted monthly rent on top of the payments for Mum’s debt,” Eric’s voice still held such an angry tone to it, but it was a raw, real feeling. If there was anything to truly upset Eric, it was this. The story of everything his Mum dumped on him, ”So I left. I lost contact with Olivia and lived out of my car mostly; but even without paying for housing or school I barely met his payments.”

Here it came. He was about to lead her into the darkness that was Barking and Eric had never wanted to run more than he did right now. Some of his hair had fallen into his face but he couldn’t even be bothered to move it. His napkin was confetti now and Eric’s hands no longer had anything to occupy themselves with so they retreated to holding each other in his lap as he adjusted so he sat against the back of his chair.

”That was when I first started working for him,” Eric resumed his rambling explanations as he started rattling off the small more or less insignificant errand boy tasks he started out with for Howard before introducing Camille into his story. He talked about how she was Howard’s daughter from a different relationship than his mother’s and how they had sort of grown up together. Anytime she had come to stay with Howard, Eric had been her friend. But now at this point in the story, Eric had more or less become her babysitter. Chauffeuring her around both as her driver and to attend events with her.
He hadn’t been able to look at Lizzie during all this so he had no way to tell what her reaction was hearing about Camille. Was she showing any jealousy? Was she mad at him? Honestly in that moment though Eric wasn’t actually considering Lizzie’s take on this just yet. He was nearing the big reveal that he had kept from Olivia all these years but the first step was to right a wrong, ”But I never slept with her.”
As soon as the words left his lips he realized that it might seem a little...random...even blunt, to Lizzie who was hearing this story for the first time. But that had been the lie Eric had fed Olivia way back when and it was time to come clean about it. For the first time since he had started talking, Eric now stared directly across the table at his best friend.

He didn’t want to continue. The next part wasn’t particularly difficult for him personally, but he wasn’t sure how Lizzie would take it— he had to continue, the silence following Camille was torturous and Eric feared what might happen if he waited too long, ”When I wasn’t with her I was making...deliveries...for Howard.” He had broken eye contact now, gaze averted off to the side away from both girls as he caught himself before blatantly admitting to running drugs while they sat in a public cafe. If Lizzie needed clarifying he could tell her later, assuming she didn’t leave him when all was said and done, ”That’s uhm, what I was doing at the end of September…”

If Eric was quiet before, it was nothing compared to now as he stood at the edge of his mountain of secrets. Just one more. One last confession and he would be free of all of this. But it was like he suddenly lost his voice at the mere thought of what was to come. Eric’s hands shook in his lap but in his attempt to still them he ended up digging his fingernails painfully into them. His skin gave away and easily indented under the pressure. It would definitely leave a mark if not break the skin directly but Eric’s thoughts were racing over a million other things, the building pain in his hands was not even on his radar at the moment, ”I— “ His voice broke. It was less what he needed to say that bothered him and was more the memories surrounding it. He had admitted to everything else without problem, this wasn’t necessarily any worse— on it’s own as is at least. But Eric’s experience of it was what had him desperately trying to take out his locked away feelings on his poor hands.

”After Camille he had me...escort his clients…” Eric’s voice was so small now, he was struggling to find the words to use as he went on to describe how what had initially started in conjunction with the deliveries quickly took off to be its own thing. It stopped just being showing up to gigs to look the part and make drop offs and escalated into sleeping with, well, anyone really. This had been what Eric was dreading talking about the most but now that he had reached the topic his brain got stuck. The lump in his throat made it difficult to talk but he still just kept going, and going, and going. He had lost control of his words now as he recalled the usual clientele: rich, older than him and often heavily intoxicated by the end of the night. He got stuck trying to say anything else about the people themselves. Sure there had been girls his age, girls who just wanted some arm candy for the night...but there had been enough that wanted much more and felt very entitled to have whatever they felt they paid for. People with some fetish or fantasy he seemed to fit and it was those people who were haunting him now. The ones who would get him drunk and agreeable, then rough him up or treat him like shit all night— the people who had ultimately destroyed Eric’s view on love until he had fallen in deep with Lizzie.

Eric’s chin was to his chest and he just watched the self-infliction play out on his hands as he finally found an end to this particular topic: how this sex work had ended up being what gave him a bed for the night and a roof over his head. It had always been for survival and he prayed to anyone who might be listening that Olivia and Lizzie could understand that much, ”Uhm— “ Eric coughed to clear his throat and finally released his hands to hastily push his hair out of his face...only for to fall right back in place because he couldn’t find it in him to lift his head, ”I ran into Olivia a couple years ago but even then it took a while to get out…”
”So, you were still— working, when you first started staying at the flat?”
Eric could only nod at Olivia’s clarification as his tongue escaped to lick his by now drying out lips. It felt like he had been talking nonstop for hours, ”Li— “

Lizzie...it was just two syllables but after everything else he had said it was two syllables too many. Who was he to say her name after all that? Almost everything he had been keeping from her was out on the table in front of them and the door was right there for her to walk out should she want to.

There was now only one secret left unsaid now. One he had not even admitted to Olivia. One he hadn’t even paused to give a chance for someone to ask about during his story. He had not told anyone this and he planned to keep it that way, ”So now you now…” And that was that. He had nothing left to say. He wasn’t going to sit here and defend his actions or beg for their forgiveness or understanding. Eric didn’t even have his usual apologies falling out of his mouth, he was just quiet. Sitting completely terrified of all the things Lizzie might have to say but most of all that she would stand up and walk out on him after he just exposed everything she had so desperately wanted to know.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110918-----------❖ LOCATION — lizzie's bedroom-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

“So now you know…”

Lizzie sat frozen and silent. This was beyond anything she expected to come from tonight. Yes, she hoped for this day since Eric’s recovery days after Barking. But...he asked her just two days ago to give up on that hope for good. Or at least, for the time being. He made it clear that Barking was not the best thing for their relationship. It would do them no good for her to know. And yet, here he was, going against his own request to tell her...everything.

Now she knew. And it was far more than even she can imagine.

Everything. She knew everything. All the bits and pieces she learned since that car ride with Olivia to find him can now be placed in an exact timeline. She now knew beginning to end the tragedy that was the life of the man sitting right beside her. The whole truth surpassed the worst case scenarios that ran through her head for weeks. All that she imagined about this Howard guy. Before, he was simply the villain in Eric’s story. Now, she knew without a doubt that he was a monster. And Eric, her poor Eric, was trapped in his evil web until this decade long debt accumulated by his mother was fully paid off. Lizzie didn’t even need to know how much Eric owed to understand it was more than he should be burdened with at such a young age. It’s been five years now. And by the look on Eric’s face, she can tell he probably still had a long way to go.

The silence honestly wasn’t long, but for Lizzie it felt like forever. She just could not find the right words to say after all this. Was there even a “right” thing to say? Was any kind of reaction the “right” one? What Lizzie knew was that she needed to say or do something now or it would be too late.

Lizzie turned her gaze down from Eric’s face to his clenched hands. Without thinking about it, she reached for them. They immediately loosened at her touch and she took one of his hands in hers. She could feel the indentations where his nails dug deep into his skin. God, he must have been scared to death telling his story. With one hand, she entwined her fingers through his. With the other, she caressed the back of his hand. As she felt his grip tighten around her hand, she hoped that this would bring him back to her. Even if he was sitting right next to her, he felt so far away. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel like he needed to run.

“I’m sorry…” Lizzie finally said. She had a lot to be sorry for now. But while she was definitely sorry that he had to experience all of this throughout his life, she was sorry for her involvement in tonight. If it hadn’t been for her persistence to know everything about Barking, Eric would not have been pressured to talk about his pain. He could have kept his secrets. He could have detached his past and be happy. He could have moved in without having to first fulfill this one condition.

It was then that Lizzie turned to look at Olivia. The moment her eyes fell on her flatmate she could not help feeling annoyed with her. How could she make Eric do this? She’s supposed to be his best friend. Surely, she should have known about their agreement before this talk.

“So, what happens now?” she asked, more toward Olivia than Eric. “You obviously didn’t need my help to persuade him to move in like you said earlier.”

Olivia blinked, taken aback by the tone of Lizzie’s voice. “Well, part of the arrangement Eric and I had was for him to talk to you about all the stuff with Howard. It was important for you to know.”

A familiar feeling boiled deep in her gut hearing this and she was reminded of her argument with Jade that morning. The almost instant need to go on the defense. Her body tensed. She felt her hands tighten around Eric’s hand. “Were you the one that suggested this arrangement?” When Olivia confirmed this, Lizzie sighed. “I appreciate the effort, but that was completely uncalled for.”

This was definitely not what Olivia expected to hear, and it showed entirely on her face. Lizzie waited while Olivia went through her stages of confusion over her reaction. Before she started to explain, she took a quick glance over at Eric to check if he was okay. “Olivia, you’re Eric’s best friend,” she started then, “I’m fairly certain that you are already aware that I agreed to back off about Barking and Howard.”

“Yes, he told me about that yesterday, but personally I think it was shortsighted of him to ask something like that after all you’ve been through together.”

“That may be so, but you’re not in this relationship, Olivia. Eric is my boyfriend,” Lizzie interrupted before her flatmate could try to talk. “You should have respected whatever Eric and I agreed together. He told me that it was important for him that I let that all go; leave it in the past. And because I love him more than wanting to know the truth, I did. The last thing I want is for this whole matter to destroy what we have just because I want to know. You had no right giving him this condition just so he can move into the flat.”

“No, Lizzie, you got it wrong. Eric wanted to tell you everything. I’m not forcing his hand here.”

Lizzie scoffed, shaking her head. “I don’t believe that,” she admitted. “He has been struggling to talk about this with me since we found him last month. We got in a fight over it. And you expect me to believe that all it took was a proposal to move in to give him the courage to finally do it?”

“Moving into the flat has nothing to do with his decision to tell you, Lizzie. It was just an opportunity. Regardless of whether he agreed to move in or not, he would have told you.” It was obvious Olivia was trying her best to keep her voice from rising. “Considering all that he needed to share, there is hardly a good time to do it. So it was now or never.”

Lizzie shook her head again, lifting one hand off Eric’s to rest on the table. She needed to properly face her flatmate now. “Again, that is not your call to make!” She sucked in a breath in an attempt to calm down. She was having a difficult time keeping her emotions in check. “I trust that he would tell me when he felt ready; no strings attached. And I would have waited till then.”

“And what if that day never comes, huh? Wouldn’t that end up ruining your relationship instead?” Olivia argued back. “All this stuff with Barking and Howard and his mum are not in the past. Last month is proof of that. It’s not fair to you or him to keep it all locked away. He’s moving in, which means that life isn’t going to stay at the door. It will be moving in with him whether he likes it or not. And he knows this. Which is why we are here now arguing over whether it was appropriate or not.”

Lizzie took a deep breath as a pause fell between them. “Aren’t you happy that you finally know now? You’re no longer being left out of all this.” Olivia asked.

Happy? Was Lizzie supposed to be happy to hear that Eric’s life was nothing but hardships? How could she be happy about it? When she first started asking Eric about Barking, it never once crossed her mind that whatever she found out would be good. After all, they found him cold and dirty in an abandoned church. Even with the little information she did know before now, it never made her feel like she was content to have this knowledge. She just felt...confused.

And now, with a complete knowledge of Eric’s situation, she still felt confused. When she wasn’t thinking about how upset she was with Olivia, she realized that she hadn’t even fully processed all that she heard. It all still felt so unreal. Sure, it came from Eric’s mouth. But she still felt like all this information was a figment of her imagination trying to piece together the clues. Death. Debt. Drugs. Sex. Favors. Sex for favors. What was this life? How could so much hardship happen to one person?

Was Lizzie happy to finally know all of this?

All of this…

Lizzie looked at Eric again. He looked so tired. Has he felt like this the whole day? Earlier when he snuck in texts to her during work, he seemed so happy. Did he struggle with this decision - whether it was his or Olivia’s - even then?

It felt so long ago when she told him that she was in for this, for all of this. Knowing what she knows now compared to what she knew then, did that promise still hold true?

Honestly, and if Lizzie had to be brutally honest, she didn’t know. This was a lot to unpack. Whatever she thought she was ready for then is nothing compared to what she truly needed to be ready for now. The truth was way more than she could handle.

But the question Lizzie focused on the most while sitting here was whether Eric’s story was enough to make her stay or leave?

Lizzie had her fair share of relationships. Most of them hardly lasted long enough for any serious situations to come up and require important decision making. One, while serious, only got tough at the end. And then there is Eric. As her newest relationship, this was the fastest a tough situation arose for them to handle and move past. This is to say that the past two months prior did not count. They were still working through their feelings then. Right off the bat, Lizzie’s relationship with Eric was nothing but struggles. Whether it was their busy schedules or maneuvering around his secrets for them to be happy together. Nothing came easy for them. And now, with one problem resolved came another. But was Lizzie ready to keep fighting like she’s been declaring to the world?

“Lizzie?” Olivia called out, interrupting her thoughts.

Lizzie had been looking at Eric this entire time. On the surface not that much time passed, but in her head it felt like ages. She once again focused only on him. He was still the same Eric. Only difference was that she knew why he was the same Eric. Was that enough for her?

“I don’t know…” she finally said. It was unclear whether she was answering Olivia’s question or her own. “But it’s done, and we move on from here, right?”

The three of them spent the rest of their time at the cafe discussing how they were going to go ahead with Eric’s moving process. As much as they wanted it to be as simple as moving his stuff from his car into the flat, it wasn’t. There were three other people that needed to chime in on this decision, as is part of flat rules. It was the same process Lizzie went through when she reached out to Olivia last summer about moving in. She had to meet the rest of the flat to get their approval to move in. Just because Eric has been in and out of the flat plenty of times to be considered close with the others that did not mean he was exempt. So, once they finished their late dinner, Olivia sent out a message to the flat’s group chat informing them that they would be having a flat meeting this Saturday night.

By the time they all returned to the flat, everyone had pretty much gone to their rooms for the night. Olivia excused herself from their little group to go to the common room for something. For the first time all day, Lizzie was left alone with Eric. And she found herself feeling a little nervous about it.

“So, um,” she started slowly, fumbling with the straps of her backpack, “Are you going to stay with me tonight?” She wondered if he was going to decide to sleep on the couch tonight. Honestly, she wouldn’t blame him. After all that he went through tonight, he probably wanted to be alone.

Much to her surprise, however, he agreed to sleep in her room. They agreed to meet in her room after he changed. Lizzie left Eric to grab some clothes from Olivia’s room while she walked back to her room.

Eric ended up spending a little more time in the bathroom than Lizzie initially thought. Now dressed in her Disney sweater and a pair of shorts, she sat on the couch in the common room. When she heard the bathroom door open finally, she quickly jumped off the couch and walked over to the double doors. “Hey,” she called out to get his attention. “Um, Ricki’s on the phone with her dad. We can chill out here till she’s done. Watch a movie or something.” He seemed up for this change of plans. While he set up in the living room, Lizzie excused herself for a moment to take her turn in the bathroom and freshen up.

Lizzie grabbed one of the blankets from the pile for them to use. As she took a seat next to Eric, she shook the blanket out to cover them both. They picked a movie on Netflix that they both have not seen. This was their attempt at staying awake long enough for Ricki to call them back inside. But, also, Lizzie figured that a new movie could give them an excuse to take a break from all that happened earlier. She was just...not ready to discuss it, just the two of them. All she wanted now was to be in Eric’s arms and continue their relationship like normal.

Or as normal as normal gets considering all she knew now. What mattered the most to Lizzie was making sure that Eric felt safe with her. Despite her own uncertainties about her feelings, she did not want to punish Eric for his courage tonight. She knew it must have been hard for him to tell his story to her. The last thing she wanted was for him to regret it.

As the movie progressed, Lizzie snuggled closer and closer to Eric. At some point, she ended up with her legs tucked under her and practically laying against him. Maybe this was the reason she dozed off halfway through the movie. And she didn’t wake up again for the rest of the night.

The next time she gained consciousness, it was after feeling the world under her shake. Her dreams suddenly shifted to her experiencing some kind of earthquake back in California before she recognized that she was actually asleep in London. At that very moment, a shadowy figure hovered above her while a rush of cold air snuck under her comforter.

Wait. Her comforter? The last thing she remembered was cuddling with Eric while they watched a movie in the living room. How in the world did she make it to her bedroom?

Lizzie groaned then lifted her head above the comforter. “Eric?” she called out in a low, tired voice. The shadowy figure stopped to look at her. “What time is it?” According to Eric, it was apparently eight...in the morning. What? It was already morning?!

Thank goodness she didn’t have to go into work today. The only good thing to come out of the surprise two manuscript week.

Lizzie groaned again then turned her head to bury it into her pillow. She honestly did not remember falling asleep last night. How in the world did she get back to bed if she couldn’t even remember when she fell asleep? “Are you going to work now?” she asked, her voice muffled by the pillow. Unfortunately, he was.

There was a strange sense of deja vu when Eric returned to her bedroom after changing for work. By then, Ricki already left to go to work herself, leaving Lizzie alone and still warm in bed. When she heard the door open, she opened her eyes to watch Eric come in. “What time are you going to be home tonight?” she asked. When he said that he would be home around ten, she needed to be reminded that he had rehearsals after work tonight. Lizzie sighed at this. “Okay, text me when you’re at the hotel?” She then pulled a hand out of the warmth of her comforter to grab his wrist. Even though she knew he had to leave now so that he wasn’t late for work, she found it impossible to let him go. “I love you.” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110918-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

This was it. It was over. He had ruined everything. The regret was filling the room so fast that Eric was sure he’d drown in it. The walls were closing in on him, the ceiling was dropping down, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe with each passing second— but then she made contact. Eric blinked out of his trance, gasping softly as he let out a breath he’d apparently been holding. Her touch suddenly gave him something else to focus on and he quickly reacted by holding on tightly to the hand that took his. He paid no attention to the painful marks he had left on his own skin and instead poured his all into gripping her hand with a desperation that one could only experience after having lost everything. He wouldn’t be able to go on if he lost Lizzie and it was dawning on him just how reckless he had been in telling her his story. As Eric braved a glance up towards her he still couldn’t meet her gaze, but Lizzie was responding in a way that he definitely had not expected.

He had thought for sure that she would give some reason for why she couldn’t do this anymore and walk out on him. Or start asking all kinds of questions...but she neither said nor asked anything. Not to him at least. She had instead directed all her energy at Olivia sitting across the table from them and Eric focused back down on their hands. Her grip matched his and it was that nearly painfully tight pressure that kept him grounded now. It was the equivalent to pinching oneself so as to determine whether or not they were dreaming. This wasn’t a dream right? Lizzie hadn’t left him. She was still at his side—fighting for him even.

But she was fighting with Olivia— his best friend, sister and stand in mother all rolled into one amazing person— and Eric had never felt so conflicted in his life. He wanted to tell Lizzie that she was wrong. That it had been his idea and that he had wanted to tell her; this situation just happened to pop up and was the best timing. But after all he’d said the past hour he couldn’t find his voice to tell her—or was it that he didn’t actually think she was wrong? That maybe he agreed with her that he had been forced into this. After all, wasn’t the truth that he hadn’t wanted her to know any of this? He had even specifically asked her to let it go. So why would he have gone against his own wishes to tell her everything?

At some point the back and forth died down and evolved into a genuine discussion. The girls were now going down the list for what they needed to do in regards to officially moving him in. Olivia had pointed out it wasn’t right for her to make the call alone, and that they needed to ask the others for their thoughts on the matter. But that then brought up the issue of “what should we tell them?” Obviously nothing Eric had said would be repeated to the others, but they couldn’t just walk in empty handed and expect Ricki, Malcolm and Angel to just take the news without question. Eric still mostly stayed out of this conversation. He had done his talking for the night and honestly was still trying to wind down from the shock of realizing all he’d said.

While he did gradually loosen his death grip on Lizzie, he didn’t release her hand the rest of the time at the cafe. Part of it was a fear of letting go, but his hand had also simply grown stuck in that position and it was a struggle to will life back into his fingers when it did eventually come time to separate. The hand holding ceased when they all stood to return to the flat. It wasn’t entirely an awkward separation, but rather Eric found himself shoving his hands deep into his pockets while he continued processing it all. He didn’t want distance, he walked less than arm’s length away from Lizzie, but he still needed his space in that moment. He needed that walk back to sort through his immediate feelings and while he wanted to hold her tight and never let her go, Eric was also feeling a little smothered by all the skyhigh emotions that had been thrown around. It would have been a little difficult to explain if someone asked why he suddenly was pulling away after being unable to let her go. But he couldn’t think when she touched him. The moment she made contact with him he could not wrap his thoughts around anything but her. Her soft warmth, the way she looked at him, his memories of being just a breath away from her— nothing else in the world mattered when Lizzie touched him, and it was that reason that he couldn’t bring himself to take her hand while they walked. He couldn’t bring himself to leave her side, but he also couldn’t bring himself to initiate any sort of contact with her.

He had thought he was set on this method of handling his growing anxiety for the situation. He would get back to the flat and lay in the dark silence of the common room and just….exist until something made sense. But when Lizzie asked if he was going to stay with her he had to pause and think about this. She had broken his train of thought and had him second guessing literally everything he had just decided on during the walk. In the end though he agreed. He would stay in her room, in her bed, with her. It was true that a part of him just wanted to run and hide, completely distance himself from her and just go back to what he knew. But that was just because it was easy, it wasn’t what he wanted. No, Eric wanted her. Even after shoveling load after load of his troubles onto her at the cafe he still selfishly wanted her by his side to hold his hand and keep him safe. He was almost more scared to be alone right now than he was of the risk of losing her if he stayed.

But this wasn’t about him staying. Lizzie had been the one to stay. She had chosen to hold his trembling hands when she very well could have gotten up and walked right out the door. She was here for him now, who was he to turn away from her after putting her in this position?

It was those very same trembling hands that kept Eric hidden away in the bathroom for far longer than just changing clothes. He stood at the sink, letting the warm water run over his hands as he rubbed away at the little smudges of dried blood. While the indentations themselves seemed to have subsided, they left behind marks of red bruising where his skin cried out in protest of the mistreatment and then two tiny little cuts where he had actually managed to break skin. Once washed though, the cuts practically vanished from sight and just left the light bruising behind. He ran his fingers over them, his skin was still tender to touch but experience told him it would all clear up by morning.

Did he want to go reunite with her outside the bathroom and join her in bed like nothing was wrong? Or did he want to stay here in the bathroom a while longer where there were no expectations or pressure on him? Did he want to apologize for tonight or thank her for accepting his story and defending him? Would he even be able to sleep next to her tonight or should he go tell her he had changed his mind and still needed to be alone?

There were just so many things he wanted to ask her. Was she really okay with everything he had told her at the cafe? Was she still upset? Were they just going to pretend that it never happened? All these thoughts were eating away at him and churning his stomach over what he had admitted to Lizzie. Next they began their ascent, clawing their way up his throat until finally, “Lizzie?”
Nothing. Maybe she truly was mad at him—or maybe she just hadn’t heard him...calm down Eric, “Love?”
He tried again a little louder as he craned his neck down to see her but as the scene changed in their movie the lighting shifted and illuminated her sleeping face. There would be no talking about any of this tonight and Eric sighed softly in relief as he let his head fall back against the couch.

Even though he wasn’t actively watching, Eric ended up letting the movie play through to the end of the credits. His emotional exhaustion was taking a physical toll on him and he just couldn’t bring himself to get up a moment sooner. But it was clear now that Lizzie wouldn’t be waking up to walk back to her room. The thought did cross his mind for them to just stay out here, but it was cold and he didn’t want to subject her to that. She had stayed out here when he was sick, and apparently when he was hungover too, but there was no reason tonight for her to not be in her own bed.

This wasn’t his first time lifting her, but Eric still found it hard to believe how small she was. She fit perfectly in his arms and he almost didn’t even want to set her back down once they were in her room. He just wanted to hold her close and keep her safe and they would stay forever just the two of them and not a soul in the world could touch them. After ever so gently setting her down he climbed into the bed beside her and pulled the comforter over them, but all of a sudden that feeling was gone. Sort of...it wasn’t that he didn’t want to hold her still, it was that he couldn’t. Like when you force two same sided magnets together. They will resist and fight to flip over and get back together but no matter how hard you try to push the same sides together they simply won’t touch. That was Eric now as he lay a good distance away from her and just stared at her. He wanted to cuddle up close but he didn’t want to disturb her, plus he liked watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. Or at least, that’s what he told himself. The real reason was that he was trapped in his head for hours after, questioning whether or not he had made the right decision. Was this going to be how she viewed him from now on? What was he to her now? Did she still love him the way he loved her?

It wasn’t a lot, but Eric definitely overslept a little in the morning. So much for “only needing two nights of solid sleep”. Yesterday’s talk had completely wiped him but here he was yet again having to drag himself away from the healing comfort that was Lizzie’s presence. Only he hadn’t done much healing during the night. He hadn’t been able to move closer to her and hadn’t even “gone to bed”. Eric had just fallen asleep late in the night when his body and mind finally teamed up and gave out on him. Would he have had an easier time falling asleep and then waking up had he been holding her? It seemed all his luck from last night was wearing off though. He had succeeded at moving her from the couch and into her bed without her so much as stirring. But getting out of bed himself now had her waking up and a tiny drop of guilt hit him as she spoke. He had tried so hard not to wake her...oh well…

The morning was going fine otherwise, he was a little rushed but still found the time to eat something before returning to say his goodbyes. It wasn’t that he hadn’t expected Lizzie to grab him, that had been such a large part of their relationship after all. But he wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. All these expectations he needed to fulfill...were they just going to carry on as though yesterday’s talk hadn’t happened? He honestly didn’t know what he wanted in that moment and just sort of stared at her for a second after, ”I love you.”

Say it back Eric, say it. You know you love her, you wouldn’t be in this whole situation if you didn’t. But Eric could only offer her a soft smile as his immediate response, then took the step and a half closer to lean down to her in bed. He left her with a gentle kiss on her forehead and murmuring for her to go back to sleep and he’d see her later that night.

As promised he texted her when he arrived at the hotel and then even proceeded to text her fairly frequently throughout the day much like he had yesterday. All his worries seemed to vanish when texting her. He looked forward to each message she sent and it honestly made the day ten times more bearable. He was just counting down the hours till he could go back to the flat and see her.

Each text just filled him with a longing desire for her until later that evening at rehearsal he reached a point that he needed to see her. He was missing her so badly. Eric wasn’t a complete stranger to Instagram, but he hadn’t really opened it anymore since he and Lizzie had graduated from DMs to WhatsApp. There were several notifications waiting for him but once the app finished loading, the first photo to pop up at the top of his feed was...a photo of him? The caption simply read #flashbackfriday, while the photo itself had a text overlay of: ugh #couplegoals. It was a multi photo post and swiping through them, nothing rang familiar. Angel had posted it, so he knew him. And all the photos were of people in the flat with a cute little text for each photo. They were all taken in the common room but Eric had absolutely no memory of this night. He quickly swiped back to the first photo. It was of him and Lizzie on the couch together...but he looked absolutely gone. Completely wasted. His arms were wrapped around Lizzie in such a way that sure, maybe it looked cute to an outsider seeing how truly enamored he was with the smaller girl he clung to. But to Eric it just set off a dozen red flags and warning sirens in his head while his heart dropped into his stomach. No. This was not the representation he wanted for his relationship with Lizzie. This Eric in the photo was one that he had fought so hard to get away from. He didn't want to be that 21 year old kid too drunk to remember anything and just mindlessly doing any and everything to fulfil that night’s job. Lizzie wasn’t a job to him. He didn’t want this to be all they amounted to.

But as angry and protective as he was growing the longer he stared, a part of him was just so...lost...staring at himself in the photo. It was like he didn’t recognize himself anymore, and he meant beyond the obvious fact that he didn’t remember that night. He had never felt about anyone the way he felt about Lizzie. Had he ruined everything they had? Was this blackhole in his memory the starting point of their decline? No, it would have stretched further back to when he left for Barking. He had steadily been ruining them since day one by keeping all of this from her. But telling her hadn’t saved anything. He wouldn’t still feel this way if telling her had been the right thing to do...right? Or was this upset feeling he felt now different? What was he suddenly feeling so emotional about?

Eric could barely concentrate the rest of rehearsal. He ended up not looking up Lizzie’s photo beyond the one Angel had posted of them and spent the remaining hours trying to push it from his mind. He had been clinging to Lizzie, which in itself wasn’t abnormal for them...it was the fact that he couldn’t remember it that bothered him. Olivia had told him what happened and her story was honestly sickening to think about. How long had it been since he’d been forced to consume that much alcohol for someone else’s amusement or pleasure? Yes, pleasure. There was no way Angel would have done that had he not enjoyed every second of it.

He didn’t want that. That wasn’t him, not anymore at least. Now he had Lizzie and— Lizzie…

Eric had walked into the flat all trapped in his head and not expecting to see her waiting for him on the couch in the common room. She greeted him right away but was met with silence. It wasn’t an angry silence though, nor one of sadness or any specific emotion for that matter. It was a silence of thinking because despite having spent literally the past twenty four hours debating he still hadn’t come to a decision about what the right thing to do or say was. Eric didn’t waste much time though, without even removing his jacket he crossed over to sit beside her on the couch and positioned himself so that while he was facing her, there was still a small gap between them. He had left a space for all the words that were about to spill out of his mouth and Lizzie could then decide whether to take them all in or shove them back in his face, “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Just please, don’t be angry with Olivia. It was my decision— I had told her that I wanted you to know,” But had the idea truly been his? Or had Olivia gradually pushed him into it? Honestly Eric didn’t know anymore. He had flipped and flopped his answer all last night but he hadn’t come to any sort of conclusion over it. He wanted to believe that he had told her because he wanted to. But he knew deep down that had been the last thing he’d wanted to do. Maybe he had told her because she had wanted to know and he hadn’t wanted to upset her. He wanted to give her everything she wanted and after feeling like he had nothing he could give, this had been the next best thing. Or maybe she was right and it had been Olivia all along...but no that couldn’t be. Olivia had changed her view on it just as many times as he had. So then, why did he tell her?

Last night he had been so hesitant to touch her after returning to the flat and then all through the night while he watched her sleep. Even this morning had been far more reserved than what one might consider as usual for the two of them. But now there was a desperation to his movement as he infiltrated that gap he had left and reached to cup her cheek with one hand while his other wrapped around to her back and slowly lowered her to the couch while his leg moved between her legs, ”I love you too…” It had haunted him all day that he hadn’t said them back to her that morning when he had left. But now the words came easily before disappearing into her mouth as his lips made contact.

Every moment with Lizzie felt amazing. Her touch, her taste, her scent, everything. He had missed this so much last night sleeping so distantly from her. He had missed this this morning when he chose work over spending an extra minute with her. He had missed this all day at work every time he got a text from her. And he had missed this all through rehearsal especially after—

His kiss grew weak against her lips and almost as quickly as he had started he was now pulling away as his inner conflict raged on. That photo of them on the couch had flashed before his eyes and he quickly blinked it away to instead search hers as though she held all the answers in the world. He didn’t want that to be them. He didn’t want to just cover everything up with intimacy, he wanted something real with her— but oh God that was so difficult when she made him feel so good. It was such a deeper level than anything categorized under sexual pleasure.

But this wasn’t a sex thing….that was the last thing he wanted. No, this was a Lizzie thing. This was the way she made him feel and it was so so hard to fight his addiction to her as he just stared down at her breathlessly for a moment. He had things to say, and as much as he would have rather allowed himself to get all tangled up with her, he needed to get these words out. Otherwise what was the point of telling her everything in the first place? With a new found determination he adjusted himself ever so slightly but otherwise did nothing to separate them. Earlier he had left space for his words but now he feared they wouldn’t get heard if he moved. He was honestly such a mess. One minute he was going down on her and the next he was trying to have a serious conversation...while still on top of her... ”I’m sorry that ‘one day’ came so much sooner than you thought. I’m sorry to have just…dumped everything on you like that— you were completely unprepared…”

This felt so much better than talking at the cafe yesterday. It was so much easier to talk to her now like this than the torture he had put himself through telling her of every painful thing to have ever touched his life. He was able to look at her now when last night no matter how hard he tried he had failed to. He loved her so much, and it had to have shown in his eyes now as they danced back and forth between hers trying to take in her reactions to everything he was saying.

Eric’s hands were still holding her in place and for a moment it crossed his mind that maybe he should let her go. Was this really the best position for them to be having this sort of conversation in? And to be out in the common room like this...but he was far too captivated to make the necessary moves to sit upright or break contact with her.
”I didn’t want you to know...any of it,” There, he finally admitted to it, ”But...I needed you to understand why— ” His nervous fidgeting seemed to be coming out in ways other than his previous destructive habits as his thumb was caressing the the skin above her waist line where one hand still rested while the other was near her head and holding him up so he didn’t crush her. Would things have been easier last night if he had held her hand while he was talking rather than stabbing his own hands to force himself on?

”— why there are things I can’t do...or can’t tell you…” Or the fact that he couldn’t be that guy for her. His life was so wildly out of control. There was nothing he could promise her except, ”But I would never let anything happen to you—and I need you to trust me love.” Yesterday he had served her a ten course meal of truths and forced it all down her throat but here he was one last time asking her to just accept anything that might come their way.

Yesterday Olivia had asked if Lizzie was happy after finding out everything she had wanted to know. She hadn’t given a proper answer though and Eric’s thumb slowly to a stop as he worked up the courage to try again, ”Do you wish I never told you?”​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 110918-----------❖ LOCATION — common room-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Lizzie emerged from the comfort of her bedroom as soon as she heard the last of her flatmates leave for the day. For now, the flat was all hers. She didn’t have to tiptoe around the halls and the common room with bated breath. She didn’t have to live in fear of someone else in the flat coming to her with questions about her relationship with Eric. She was finally left completely alone with her thoughts. Alone in the flat, she can process all that she heard and learned last night at the cafe.

Or, she could use this alone time to get some work done.

Lizzie gave herself time to process last night’s events while she had breakfast. Much of that time was spent recalling everything she learned and piecing them together once again in her convenient mental timeline. As she slowly ate through her bagel and her coffee became cold, she played a personal game of Real or Not Real with the facts she knew and the things she imagined.

It was just Eric and his mother his whole life. Real.

He and his mother were always having money problems. Real.

He has a bad relationship with his mother. Real...ish? His mother was dead though, that was definitely real. It was because of her death and his overall maybe bad relationship with her that got him so deep into the mess he’s in now.

The list went on and on until she figured out just what she needed to focus on and what she needed to let go of for now. As informative as his story was last night, she still had questions. She knew she should have asked for clarifications on some points, but honestly, she was too scared to utter a single word during his story. She didn’t want to scare him off of whatever he wanted to tell her. It was obvious his courage last night was enough to only get what he wanted to say out.

So for now, she split her knowledge of Eric’s life into separate lists and timelines that she could pick and choose what to focus on. Today, she just wanted to focus on what she knew.

Olivia’s question from last night hovered over her thoughts: was she happy to finally know the truth?

A preliminary response to that question was no. She wasn’t happy to know the truth. But as she figured out already, she never expected to be happy about it. So how did she feel?

Lizzie didn’t come to a conclusion for this question hours later. Her task at breakfast earlier was emotionally taxing and she needed a break. She needed some time to stop thinking about all of the jobs Eric did for Howard. She wanted to cry the more she thought about the drug deals and drops and how he had to prostitute his body for clients. She couldn’t stand even trying to imagine what these jobs were like for him. Her heart couldn’t take it.

So she focused on work for the rest of the morning. With everything that happened that week, Lizzie was quite behind on her work for her internship. She still had so much of the second manuscript to get through and reports to write. To distract her from the struggles she faced knowing Eric’s life story, Lizzie transported herself to the other worlds of her manuscripts. Despite the circumstances of her situation being surprised with double the work this week, she was pleased that at least these manuscripts were good. The likelihood of these two getting published through Little Hopper was high.

It surprised Lizzie to find that it was already two in the afternoon. Between her manuscripts and the occasional text messages Eric sent when he could, time just flew without her paying close attention. If it wasn’t for the notification on her phone that caught her attention just now, she probably would not have looked up for another couple or so hours. Lizzie pressed the home button on her phone to wake it. Half expecting it to be Eric, she stared at the notification for another couple seconds before doing the math. It was currently two in the afternoon in the UK, which meant that it was now about seven in the morning in LA. She quickly marked her place in her manuscript then tossed it onto the coffee table.

Once Facebook Messenger fully loaded up on her phone, she went to Irene’s chat thread then tapped the phone icon. No surprise, her beloved cousin picked up after a couple rings.

“Hey, you,” Lizzie greeted as she tucked her legs under her. “Don’t freak out or anything, but I need a shoulder. Do you have time?”

Irene wasn’t JKL. She wasn’t a mixture of varying opinions all colliding to try and be the most persuasive. She was just one amazing person with a pair of ears that were honestly the best listeners on the planet. So it was only natural that the moment her cousin became available to talk to, Lizzie jumped on the opportunity. She may not be able to tell Irene exactly what’s going on, but her dear cousin was the only one she could turn to if she ever needed someone to talk to.

Eric had Olivia. Lizzie had Irene.

Lizzie started off easy. She updated Irene on the good news regarding her relationship with Eric. She told her cousin about how he told her he loves her and that they were now officially together. She talked about how he’s been spending so much time at the flat and that she and Olivia were working on getting him to move in. As expected, her cousin was beyond thrilled that things were working out for them. And then, as Lizzie paused to prepare for the next part, she was thankful that she decided to call instead of FaceTime.

How was she supposed to talk to Irene about the hardest part of this relationship? How was she going to convey to her one true confidant that the love of her life had a past that was far beyond anything she could comprehend? How was she going to let out her true feelings without betraying the one that had her heart?

“I’m crazy about him,” she started slowly. “He’s perfect in every way and just being around him makes life so worth it.” She paused then, pressing the phone hard against her face as she ran a hand through her hair. “But...being in love with him has not been easy. Nothing has been easy. I feel like I’ve lived an entire lifetime just...trying to get him to open his heart to me. But...he did. And while I should be happy...I’m not.” Another pause. Lizzie sniffed as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “I don’t want to take for granted how much he trusts me. It’s all I ever wanted from him. I’ve been so tired and frustrated feeling like I know everything about him and nothing about him at the same time. It’s been the toughest part about being with him and it’s the only thing that could threaten to tear us apart. But...now that I know so much more than I could have expected…. Now that I’ve finally gained his trust...I’m…”

There was silence on the line. The only sounds between the two cousins were Lizzie’s sniffles.

“I...don’t know…” The words were stuck in her throat. It was a suffocating feeling knowing the exact words to say, but being so afraid to say them. The moment came to her like the snap of a finger. It took that short amount of time for her to figure it out. After struggling with an answer since last night and then spending countless hours avoiding the topic and question all together, it suddenly came to her. “I don’t know how to help him…”

Lizzie buried her face into the blanket. His blanket. It smelled so much like him even though he hasn’t used it all week. Her phone sat face down beside her. It was difficult to talk to Irene without feeling like any moment her voice would crack and she would crumble. The weight of it all was just too much to put into words. But at least she knew her answer now.

They were two completely different worlds. Not just because they had an entire ocean between them, but life itself dealt them opposing hands that would have fate itself scratching its cruel head. How did they happen? What chain of events in their lives suddenly led them to meet in the middle of the kitchen that fateful morning three months ago? What unnatural force kept them coming back to each other as if it was the only way they could breathe?

Lizzie’s life paled in comparison to Eric’s, without a doubt. Her struggles, as valid as they may be no matter what, were like bruises to the wounds and scars he carries every day. He grew up practically raising himself wondering when the next meal might be. He watched as his mother succumbed to the most evil of vices. And while Lizzie may not know if it was this vice that eventually ended the woman’s life, she could not rule it out as a possibility. And now, for the past five years, he’s been paying for the consequences of his mother’s actions when he tried so hard to get away from it.

And what has she done? She made his life more difficult than it already was. She came in with hearts in her eyes and her head in the clouds ready to worship him every second of the day. Wanting to monopolize as much of his time as possible with whatever reason or activity she could think up. And as a result, he fell in love with her. His priorities shifted so that she could be one of them. But because of that, he walked around spending any and every single pound he earned to keep her happy. He worked ridiculously long hours every week to absolve himself from his mother’s sins. Only for it to go to her instead. She was the reason he came home tired every day. She was the reason for his struggles. Without her in his life, he would never have needed to go back to that hell to make up for what he didn’t have. He would never have undone all that Olivia did for him in the past two years. He never would have gone to that church….

She was destroying him. Loving him was only making his already tragic life worse.

As she waited for the water to heat up in the shower, Lizzie obsessed over the last thing she told Irene before she had to hang up. She didn’t know how to help him. Only, she knew clearly that this wasn’t true. She knew how to help Eric. She just didn’t want to do it.

She loves him. She loves him so much that it hurts. She craved him. His attention. His touch. His taste. His everything. Nothing made her more happy than being able to call him hers. She would do anything for him. She would fight for him. She is fighting for him. But she knew now that none of that was actually helping him.

The hot water washed away the hot tears. Her throat closed up to the point that each breath she took was unbearable. Could she even count it as breathing? Was breathing even worth it now?

Lizzie was being torn apart. She knows what she has to do, but she doesn't know if she has the strength to do it.

After her shower, Lizzie returned to her work. She needed to focus on something else. She needed a good distraction to be free of this pain. So for the rest of the time she had until the first flatmate returned, she kept her nose buried in her manuscripts. By the time everyone returned, Lizzie read enough to start on reports. When she finally looked up from her manuscripts and laptop to greet Ricki before she walked into their room, it was almost nine and she was starving. Apparently she forgot to eat since this morning.

As the minutes drew closer to ten, Lizzie continued to distract herself from the task she knew she had to do. She didn’t want to think of the happy times. She couldn’t bear to think of the sad, painful memories. And she didn’t want to imagine the events of the life so completely different from hers. Maybe if she just kept her mind busy with other tasks she could keep what little strength she had to do what needs to be done. Maybe she could continue to believe that it was the best way she could help him.

The second she heard the front door open she knew it was time. Time to put on a brave face and do what’s right. After taking a deep, quivering breath, Lizzie closed her manuscript and left it on the coffee table. It was time to do the right thing….

“Hey!” God, that greeting felt so forced. But if Eric noticed, he didn’t show it. Lizzie waited for him to say something back, but he didn’t. Instead he walked straight over to her on the couch. As he took a seat beside her, she scooted back a bit. No, she couldn’t be this close to him. She needed space to hold on to the strength she needed to do what she needed to do.

It was now or never. To help him, she needed to just pluck the last of her courage and—

Eric spoke first. Lizzie held her breath as he apologized and explained himself about last night. She couldn’t crack now and burst into the tears that swelled up inside her. If she cried now, she would never be able to get through this.

This was for the best. It was for his own good. This was her only way to help him.

It was now her turn to apologize. He needed to know how sorry she was for everything she did to make him suffer since the moment they met.

But as she parted her lips to speak, all her strength and courage started to slip away at his touch. The last of it escaped her as she breathed out. His hand against her cheek was still cold from having been outside just a moment ago. For a couple seconds, she closed her eyes to savor this touch.

Then she felt Eric’s other hand move to her back. She opened her eyes again just as he leaned toward her to guide her back onto the couch. Her head spun with a million thoughts and the only way to keep her grounded was to focus on how Eric was now pressing his body against hers as he climbed on top of her.

No, she was losing. It was now impossible for her to commit to her decision. Even though the back of her mind was screaming at her that this was the right thing to do, Lizzie could not stop getting lost into his eyes. The usual blue now looked almost green from this position and they looked into hers with warmth and...love.

It was an instant reaction. As Eric leaned in to her after his profession of love, she eagerly met him halfway. She raised her head off the pillow it was resting on to welcome his lips. There was an instant urgency in the way he kissed her and she was quick to reciprocate it.

Lizzie wanted him, all of him. She could not dream of ever giving up any of this. And she hated herself for thinking that she was about to. It was her guilt over her stupidity that steered her cravings to be closer to him. She snaked her arms around his waist under his jacket to press him harder against her. But it wasn’t enough. She needed to be even closer to him. She impatiently rushed to pull his jacket off him and toss it onto the floor. Then, without pausing, her hands traveled up his chest until she found the top button of his work shirt.

She was three buttons down when she suddenly felt the urgency fade. As Eric moved to pull away from their kiss, Lizzie followed after him to keep his lips on hers. He won in the end and she was left in a sort of daze while her mind tried to catch up. She didn’t want this to end. As he looked at her, she wiggled under him, briefly grinding her hips against his. The pressure of his lips still lingered on hers. She didn’t want this feeling to go away.

As he spoke now, Lizzie tried her best to focus on his words. He was apologizing for last night again. This time it was for telling her his story without giving her a warning. Why? Why did he keep bringing up last night? Was he somehow willing her to once again find her courage to act on the decision she made earlier? Was the passion between them just now his parting gift before she had to be the one to—

Did she wish he never told her?

Lizzie blinked then refocused her attention on Eric. For a moment there, his words faded into the background of her thoughts. She got lost in the memory of their passion before it abruptly stopped. It was nothing that they ever experienced together before. She found herself wondering if, maybe, he had done this before she came into his life. He had a past, a past that she now knew too much about. Had he learned this kind of passion from another before her? Lizzie tortured herself with these thoughts until Eric snapped her back into the present with his question.

She gazed up at him again. One hand fumbled with the last undone button on his shirt while the other held onto his forearm. After a deep breath, she simply shook her head.

The question was her cue to abandon the hopes that they could continue where he stopped. With a sigh, Lizzie moved so that she could slide out from under him so that she could sit down again.

“It’s...strange,” she said. “Even though it just happened yesterday, it feels like a whole other lifetime when I didn’t know anything.” She ran her hands once through her hair. “There’s no going back now. We’d be fooling ourselves into believing that nothing has changed. Everything makes sense.”

“I felt so lost trying to figure you out all these months. I knew when I started asking about Barking and Howard that I probably would not like the answers, but it killed me more feeling like no matter what I did, I wasn’t helping you.” Lizzie grabbed a pillow and dropped it onto her lap. It was the thing she focused on the most when she continued. “I wanted to believe that making you happy just by being at your side was enough. But every time I saw you come home tired after a long day at work or pushing through the rest of the day so that we could hang out, I just felt...useless. But you suffered alone. You wouldn’t tell me what was going on. So I just had to hope that whatever I did for you did something to make you feel better.”

Lizzie sniffed and covered her eyes with a hand. “And then you asked me to just let it go. I didn’t want to. But it was what you wanted and so I thought this was my way of finally helping you.”

“You have become so important to me, Eric. Coming to London, it was not part of my plan to fall in love. But here you are.” Lizzie sniffed again. After wiping at her eyes she dropped her hand to turn and look at him. “Nothing is going to change that. I told you a lifetime ago that I was in for this, for all of this. If you’ll let me, I want to keep that promise. I don’t...want to be given a reason to leave you.” Ever again. ​

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[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111018 (technically)-----------❖ LOCATION — lizzie's bed-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

Lizzie was now the one to initiate movement and Eric followed her lead as he shifted back to sitting on the couch. Their physical contact completely broke as the distance between them grew and he found his hand trailing up towards the collar of his shirt where just moments ago her hands had been. His fingers fumbled for the cross around his neck that was now visible without the buttons holding his shirt together. It was a little more so just to assure himself that it was still there as his hand quickly moved on to run through his hair while he waited for Lizzie to speak. This was such an agonizing situation he had gotten them into. He’d lost all self control and given in to lust only to stop so abruptly...he owed Lizzie another apology…

He had never felt like that before. He had certainly done things like that...he’d done plenty of things. But never before had there been such an emotional connection attached to it. He had never felt such a deep desire for a specific person before and it spanned so much farther than just primal sexual attraction. He didn’t want her, no he needed her— but yet here they were half a world apart from each other with “what almost happened” hanging over them thicker than the morning London fog.

Was she crying? God Eric, look what you’ve done. He wanted so badly to just lean over and hold her and tell her everything would be alright but he found he couldn’t move. It was like he had scared himself away from her. It was such an odd feeling to describe. He had loved every second of being with her— touching her. He hadn’t wanted it to ever end. But now his memories had put a dark tint over it and he was scared to return to it. He didn’t want all this intimacy to just be some distraction for them. He didn’t want them to just toss away their emotions and give in simply because this felt nice. But most of all he was scared that it would become all she wanted from him. He didn’t want to be just another notch on her bedpost or someone she called when she was lonely. Rationally speaking, Eric knew she truly loved him. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind. But if they took it there, then what? Would they still have this magnetic perfect love? Or would that be the climax of their relationship and everything after was just whatever? He didn’t want what they had right now to change and the only way he could control that was to keep everything the same. He would bury that amazing rush she gave him for eternity if he had to so long as it would keep her here with him.

He slowly reached out to her face similarly to before, but this time his thumb gently wiped as some residual wetness under her eye while he offered a soft, almost sad smile. How had this happened to them? Sure he probably deserved all the heartbreak, but Lizzie? She was his perfect angel and it was killing him to think about the emotional beating she had been enduring to try and make their relationship work. From day one it had always been Lizzie. She was the reason they were together— but it was Eric’s fault that they were together like this. Was “Sorry” all he had to offer her? How was he supposed to convey his feelings to her? She spoke so easily about their love and how intune she was to his very existence. What could he possibly say to make this better? He’d had all last night and today to feel her absence in his life and he knew he could not live without her, he just needed her to know that.

Eric’s hand had left her cheek to instead lay open with his palm up on the pillow she held. As she accepted the silent invitation he let his fingers close around hers, interlacing them as he tightened his grip on her hand. He was here. And he wasn’t going anywhere, he wouldn’t leave her. Ever again. While his hand was busy taking hers, his body scooted over on the couch so they truly sat side by side. He gave her hand a little squeeze as he finally spoke, his eyes meeting hers and holding her gaze, ”...I skipped a part of my story yesterday and there’s something else you need to know…”

But as Eric began his story his eyes naturally trailed down to watch their joined hands instead. On any other occasion Eric could stare her in the eye for hours, it was near impossible to get him to look away. But all these heavy and “real” conversations they’d been having made him nervous, ”Everything sort of comes in waves, you know? Like, the ocean— uhm...that is...no matter how rough the wave is, there’s always that sort of calm after it.”

So his great writing skills decided to finally pay him a visit huh? Making water analogies about life. Eric took a deep breath before he continued, ”A few months back I had stopped visiting the flat, I just couldn’t get out here anymore.” He had completely lost all sense of time, it had to be after 10:30pm by now but here he was starting up another story. Eric went on to in great detail describe two weeks of pure exhaustion. It was constant double shifts and rehearsals, going from day shifts to rehearsal and then straight to an overnight and then repeating it all over again. He had kept his car in the city because he really couldn’t walk all the way back here anymore. There were a couple nights he crashed with a mate from his troupe but he mostly slept in the car. It was rough, really rough. Maybe not Barking level, but it certainly took its toll on him both physically and emotionally.

Eric paused, he could feel Lizzie wondering what the point to this story was. She already knew his life was tough, he didn’t have to remind her like this. Remember those ocean waves? Well here came the first calm, ”So uhm, then one night I finally walked all the way back here after work. I got back late— it had to have been around 2am. But I couldn’t sleep in, I was so tired but still had to wake up early and get to work. I was in the kitchen, probably making tea— i don’t really remember— but I heard this noise. When I turned around there was this girl with some of the longest hair I’ve ever seen. I really didn’t get a good look at her, she sort of ran off right away…”

He was smiling now, thinking about how far they’d come from that first slightly awkward encounter in the kitchen, ”I knew Ricki’s old roommate was supposed to be moving out but it had been so long since I last came over...I didn’t know they had a replacement already,” Eric was completely ignoring how obvious his story was at this point and just carried on, ”So uhm, anyways, I went to work and then had rehearsal afterwards. But the flat was going out that night and it had been so long since I saw Olivia…”

”I was so excited that I got to wear my favorite pink shirt that night, it’s got these white polka dots on it, I dunno if you’ve seen it,” Yes he was pointlessly rambling now and cheekily teasing her but no one could stop him from telling this story so he continued to mention whatever details he wanted no matter how unimportant, ”I hadn’t gotten to wear anything but my uniform in so long, it was nice being about to dress up a little.”

”Well that girl from the flat was there and I finally got to see her face now that she wasn’t hiding behind her hands. She was cute, American, but uh, well I honestly I didn’t give her much thought at the time— I couldn’t. I was so busy with work, I didn’t have the luxury of being able to meet people. I spent all night sneaking glances at her but I knew better than to get involved. And also uhm, well I might have been a little too shy to approach her,” He knew her version of this story was similar. This entire relationship had stemmed from the same point, ”I got stuck singing a song that night but I left right after since I had work in the morning. But you know what? On my way out that girl tracked me down to tell me how great I was.”

Here came the next ocean wave, ”I didn’t return to the flat for a few days after that, work was too demanding and I had to go drop off in Barking...he actually offered me an apartment that day if I came back to work for him...” There was no hiding the heavy tone his voice had taken. Barking was still new to Lizzie, but to Eric it played such a huge part of his life and there was no avoiding it. Before yesterday, Lizzie only knew Barking as this scary place that she had literally brought him back from. But then from his story she found out it went so much deeper than a one time horror story. Now she was hearing how normalized it was for him. Before Lizzie it had been such a routine to him. But ever since their first encounter outside of the flat it had just snowballed into the monstrosity that had threatened their relationship and Eric’s very life, ”I saw that girl again the next day. She had this script I had thought I lost— really saved my life with that.”

”Um, I guess I sort of invited myself to lunch with her. See I helped her get to this cafe but then I didn’t feel right leaving her all alone. It wasn’t quite that simple though. There was just something about her, I just felt better being around her. She was a complete stranger yet I felt oddly comfortable around her...no, that’s a lie. I was scared shitless being around her, I was so nervous. But I just felt like I didn’t have to worry about work, or Howard or anything around her. Time stopped when I was with her.”

”We started hanging out a lot after that. At the flat mostly— but we even went to King’s Cross together!” These were such happy memories Eric was describing now but it was time to drop a truth bomb, ”I knew I shouldn’t be dedicating this much time to her, I was stretching myself thin as it was. It was definitely hard to keep up with work and meeting with her. But I wanted to, I really really wanted to be with her every second of the day. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, I was so obsessed with her. I had never grown close or opened up to anyone before. I’d never even had a proper relationship before so I really didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew I liked what was happening and I wanted more.”

This whole time he still just stayed focused on their hands. It wasn’t that this was a hard story to tell, but Lizzie was just so distracting and addictive, he worried that if he made eye contact again he’d just melt into her all over again, ”There was this one day she invited me over to dinner...that was probably the first moment I really understood what I had gotten myself into. I had been sleeping on the couch for a couple years but I didn’t live there. She did, it was technically her flat and I was the outsider….but I couldn’t tell her anything. All I could do was agree with any and everything she said. I couldn’t give her any truths about myself so I just gave her anything else she wanted. I wanted to be with her all the time and if she found out anything real about me I was afraid that would be the end of that.”

”Olivia kept flipping her stance. One day she would just be so happy that I was happy and would scold me anytime I fucked something up...then later she would tell me I was putting too much into it, that she was worried I’d get hurt. I guess I went against her, I couldn’t stop. I was at the flat nearly everyday just so I could see this girl. She had become my reason for...uhm...well, everything. I wanted to live just so I could be with her,” Eric’s hand tightened a little now, the next wave was here, ”Then we had our first fight. At least...I think that’s what it was. She asked if we could try working out our feelings and I agreed...and then blew her off the rest of the night like a total dickhead.”

”I got scared, she was trying to turn into something real but I couldn’t let her into my life like that. It was too dangerous— she probably would have been scared off anyways if she knew the truth...But we worked it out, enough to get through it anyways.”

”We went on the most amazing week of dates after that. At least, I think they were dates. Correct me if I’m wrong— I really didn’t have any experience with dating...but when two people with feelings go places alone, I think those are considered dates,” After finishing his sentence his smile finally slipped away and his lip quivered for a moment as he took a shaky breath to approach the hard part again, ”I ended up having to return to Barking. I left to keep her safe, Howard had directly threatened to involve her in everything I’d been keeping from her. I couldn’t— leaving had been one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make but I would have done whatever it took to keep her safe. I knew I probably wouldn’t ever see her again after that and I wondered every day if I had made the right choice. I still don’t know the answer...but I would do it all over again to keep her safe.”

”The hardest part of it all was when I got back. She had seen too much, there was no way for me to talk my way out of this. She deserved to know the truth after everything she had done for me but I— I couldn’t tell her. I was so sure she would leave after that, it was selfish but I only wanted her to see the good parts of me, so I promised her that one day I would tell her. This way she wouldn’t leave, but I didn’t have to tell her. Maybe I should have stuck to one day...or maybe I should have just told her everything when she first asked....” He finally moved, his body sliding off the couch to the floor until he had positioned himself on his knees directly in front of Lizzie. He hadn’t released her hand and actually his other hand had joined to rest on top of their joined ones. Eric lifted his head to look to Lizzie and look her in the eyes. He had to fight to resist every urge he had to reach out to her; as much as he craved her touch, he couldn’t give in to that. He wouldn’t risk their love like that again, ”Maybe then I wouldn’t be sitting here with her trying to apologize for everything I’ve done wrong since the moment I first saw her.”

Last night Eric couldn’t bring himself to be too close to her, but tonight he couldn’t bear to be away from her and he fell asleep glued to her side with his arm wrapped up under her shirt and across the warmth of her stomach. This was where he wanted to stay forever, with her safe in his arms and where nothing else could come between them ever again.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111018-----------❖ LOCATION — common room-----------❖ COMPANY — the flatmates
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

This was not what she prepared herself for. In fact, even though she clearly knew what he was talking about, Lizzie could not process quickly enough just what was happening. This whole other story Eric forgot to disclose yesterday? It was not another tragic story that played a part in shaping Eric’s life now. It was not another story detailing the horrible jobs he had to do for Howard.

No...it was their story.

Even though Eric broke eye contact, Lizzie continued to watch him as he retold their story from his point of view. With each new scene, she could see it almost clearly in her memory. The first moment he walked into the pub that first Flat Night. She remembered thinking how good pink looked on him. And how amazing he was being able to perform on the spot without any practice beforehand. Then bumping into him outside of school. Back then she could not believe her luck that they were at the same place at the same time. Thinking about it now with the facts she knew, it was almost cosmic how that day turned out for them. Because...what were the odds that they would both be at Regent Street at the very same time when school wasn’t even in session and he wasn’t even a student?

There were so many conversations that she had with Irene and JKL over the past few months where they spent hours trying to solve the mystery that was Eric’s feelings for her. Now, she couldn’t believe that she was getting all these answers. Those earlier days when he came off a bit standoffish? That was him being nervous to act on the feelings he obviously had for her. Lizzie couldn’t believe it. He felt the same way she did since the very beginning.

As his perspective of their story took a heavy turn, Lizzie’s grip on his hand loosened. That was when she finally looked away from him. Not that he noticed since his gaze never once left their hands. She just didn’t want to risk the chance that he finally looked up at her and see the guilt on her face. It was just as she feared. All those times they spent together after King’s Cross? He sacrificed his own well-being to be with her. He stretched himself thin and powered through his exhaustion just to make her happy. Lizzie sucked in a breath in an attempt to prevent anymore tears from falling. But the guilt swelling up in her heart was just so overpowering. While he continued, she closed her eyes gently. She felt a couple tears slide down her cheeks and quickly wiped them away with her free hand before he noticed.

How could she be so selfish? Why didn’t she see that something was wrong with Eric all those times they were together? Why did she keep him out all fucking night all those Fridays ago? Why did she push him to the point that he had to leave for her?

He went back to Barking for her. It wasn’t because he was simply short on his payment. It was because he wanted to keep her safe. Safe, like her life was being threatened. Well...actually...if Eric was to be believed, it was. And to keep her away from harm, he put himself between her and the danger that was his life. All because of her. Barking was...all her fault.

Her thoughts from earlier that day came flooding in again leaving her in a moment of doubt. Maybe this was a mistake after all. She was obviously fooling herself into believing that things would be different. Nothing could change the fact that she was the reason he was put through hell. Even Olivia could see what her actions were doing to him. She was not good for him after all. And maybe she needed to stop fighting for real this time and let him go so he could work his way to the peace he deserved. Without struggles. Without sacrifice. Without her dragging him down.

“Eric…” Her voice was so low. In fact, it was impossible to tell if she actually uttered his name out loud or not. Her heart felt heavy as her self-inflicting thoughts of doubt rang louder and louder and louder.

Then she saw him move. She was ready for the moment he let go of her hand to leave. But he didn’t. Instead he held her hand tighter and moved off the couch to kneel in front of her. What was he doing? As he knelt down, she quickly sniffed and wiped more of her tears away. No, he was going to make this hard on her. He was going to force her to look him straight in those perfect eyes as she threw in the towel on their love.

It was all going to be for the best. She knew it. And she hoped that one day he would understand–

Apologize for everything he did wrong? Lizzie’s resolve weakened once again. She looked down at him, confused. What did he need to apologize for?

Lizzie’s eyes were pleading for him to stop. He had nothing to apologize for. She didn’t want him to apologize anymore. All he’s done for the past two days was apologize for this life he was forced into. It wasn’t his fault. Not in the slightest. She knew this and she wanted nothing more than to make him stop feeling responsible for things that were not his doing.

She pulled her hand away from his then leaned forward to him. As she grabbed the sides of his face with her hands, she kissed the apologies away. She didn’t want to hear them anymore. Her hands traveled down to the sides of his neck. All in an effort to keep him there and ensure that he wouldn’t say another sorry to her. She didn’t deserve to watch him feel guilty any longer.

She pulled away from the kiss slowly. As she exhaled a breath, she rested her forehead against his and just kept her eyes closed to savor this moment. Her mind went blank. No longer was she thinking again about the need to end what they had before it ruined him. She wasn’t even thinking about how there was so much love between them. She wanted the noise to stop and wanted to stay in this moment forever; the silent peace after a kiss. His kiss cured all for Lizzie. Any pain she felt slipped away the moment his lips touched hers. It was like her own form of drug.

And with all drugs, the effects eventually faded. Lizzie opened her eyes and pulled away from Eric again. She grabbed the pillow that fell from her lap and sat back on the couch. “Please, Eric, stop. It’s all my fault,” she said. After looking over at him and the expression he gave her, she continued. “You have nothing to apologize for. This was all my doing. I selfishly wanted you so badly that I pushed you to do all those things. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this mess for the past few months. You wouldn’t…” She trailed off with a sigh. “You wouldn’t have needed to go back to working for Howard if it wasn’t for me.”

Lizzie leaned forward into her hands and pressed the palms against her eyes. “I’ve caused you so much pain. I don’t deserve you.”

It was as if Eric didn’t want her to entertain these thoughts any longer. He was so gentle, but assertive, when he tried to reassure her that he knew what he was getting into being with her. He was adamant that none of this was her fault since he kept the truth from her. He told her that he made the choice to be with her because he wanted to and he was willing to put up with whatever it took.

Lizzie shook her head. “But you should not have to make such sacrifices.” Sacrifices like right now. They have been talking about this for almost two hours. Since he came home from work...and rehearsal. She scoffed lightly. As she looked at the clock, it dawned on her that she was doing it again. Eric was out at work and rehearsals since nine that morning. A full twelve hours. He must have been so tired the moment he came home. And here she was, fighting him over who was more at fault when she was sure what he wanted the most was to rest. How could she be so stupid?

“Let’s just…” Lizzie sighed, defeated. “It’s late. You’re probably tired after having such a long day..” She reached out to him again to caress his cheek. “I’m so sorry, for all the pain I’ve caused you.” Her thumb brushed against his cheek tenderly. “I love you. And I promise, now that I know everything, I’ll do better so you don’t have to go back to working for that monster ever again.”

Lizzie waited patiently for Eric. While he changed for bed, she sat in bed on her phone with her back against the wall. The whole day after she cut her conversation with her cousin short, Irene has been leaving her text messages of love and support. It was only around the end that Irene started to become concerned. Now that she and Eric were in a good enough place that she no longer felt like leaving him was the best option, she was ready to scroll through the wall of text messages left by her cousin.

I LIKE THIS ONE FOR YOU PLS I JUST​

WANNA KNOW IT’S ALL OK ILU​

That was Irene’s last text message timestamped about an hour ago. Lizzie guessed that the text messages stopped because her cousin thought she went to bed already.

Hi i’m about to go to bed right now just​

wanted to let you know everything is ok. I’ll​

call you tomorrow morning k? ilu​

Without checking to see if her cousin read the message and sent a response back, Lizzie left her phone charging on her bedside table. She was in the process of getting tucked in when the door to her bedroom opened and Eric came in.

As Eric climbed over her to go to his side of her bed, Lizzie pulled the comforter out for him to slide under. After spending almost the entire week in her room, helping each other get ready for bed was easy. Even in the dark, she could tell when he was comfortable beside her while she pulled the comforter up so that he was warm. It came naturally to her to scoot closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her. He was like a security blanket. So long as he was here in bed with her, she felt calm and at peace.

The only thing that could ever tear Lizzie and Eric away from the safety of their cocoon was work. It was always work. Saturday morning, it was Lizzie’s turn to sneak out of bed without waking the other. While Eric had the tough job of not waking Lizzie while he climbed out of bed, Lizzie’s tough job was trying to slip out of his embrace without waking him. He just held her so close to him that she feared any movement she made would wake him. This was despite being very aware that he could be a heavy sleeper when he wanted to be.

When the alarm on her phone went off that morning, Lizzie was quick to reach for it with the hand not currently holding his. It was easy for the time being to just put the alarm on snooze and then turn it off when she was not in the bedroom. After placing the phone back on the bedside table, Lizzie turned her head to check on Eric. The black out curtains made it difficult to really see him, but his slow, steady breathing was enough to let her know that he was still fast asleep. Good, she wanted him to get as much sleep as possible before he needed to go to work. Apparently he had a replacement rehearsal tonight to make up for having to cut it short on Wednesday due to the Manchester United game.

She tried her absolute best to slip out of bed without waking him. Her movements were slow and careful. When she did successfully slip out, she quickly grabbed the pillow she had been sleeping on to place it under the arm that was just around her. The trick worked. Both her boyfriend and her roommate continued to sleep peacefully while she tiptoed around the room to get ready for work.

In the hour she spent getting ready and having a quick breakfast, Lizzie was also on the phone with Irene, as promised. She updated her cousin on all that happened the night before. Irene was beyond thrilled to learn that they managed to work things out and that they were still together. At least now her cousin can go to bed with a little less stress in her life.

It was now Lizzie’s turn to return to her room to say goodbye to a sleeping Eric before leaving for work. She left her bag sitting on her desk chair as she carefully sat at the edge of her bed. She used the light from her desk lamp to gaze down at him as he slept. After a few extra moments, Lizzie reached out to brush a hand through his hair gently. This was enough to wake him. A gentle smile spread across her lips. “Good morning,” she greeted at a whisper. “I’m about to leave for my meeting. Just wanted to say bye before I left since I won’t see you until later tonight.”

She brushed his hair back a few more times as she spoke. Eventually, she knew it was time for her leave if she was to make it to work on time. She leaned in to kiss him goodbye and told him that she loved him. “Get a bit more sleep, okay? You’re going to have a long day.”

Lizzie spent the majority of her train ride into the city thinking about last night. It was a lot to think over really. Everything that happened last night was so important to making their relationship work. What most stuck out to Lizzie though was her promise to do better now that she was aware of the whole truth. She felt deep down that there was more she could do for Eric to be the girlfriend he deserved than just understanding where he came from and the impact this whole other life had on him now. But the question was, what more is there for her to do to better help him?

The first thing Lizzie did when she finished her meeting with her senior editor was text Eric letting him know she was done with work. She was well aware that he was likely in the middle of work at the hotel right now, but at least he could have some kind of update on her end. She also told him that she would be in the city for a couple more hours while she spent time with her friends from the internship. They were long overdue for a brunch date now that life after their Disney weekend was finally calm enough to enjoy some discounted mimosas or bloody marys.

When Lizzie returned to the flat sometime after one, she pondered over her relationship with Eric from where she left off this morning. She knew there was more she can do for Eric now that she was well aware of his situation. Surely there was more than just limiting the amount of dates they went on so that he wasn’t struggling to budget his money. Or trusting that he was going to be okay on days he needed to go to Barking to drop off the month’s payment to Howard. Or making sure that no matter what, she told him she loves him every day. Those were all things she could do for him emotionally. There had to be something she could actually do to help him...especially now that she and Olivia were going to talk to the others about him moving in.

Wait. That’s it. That’s how she could help Eric.

Olivia came home from an event she was hired to organize sometime after four. As she carried arms full of leftovers from the event, Lizzie walked out of her bedroom to help her out. The flat was running low on leftovers so it was good that Olivia came in clutch at least for dinner tonight.

“Hey, Olivia? Can I talk to you about something? Before the meeting tonight?” she started, taking a seat at the kitchen island while Olivia stacked the leftovers in the refrigerator. Her flatmate paused her work to look at Lizzie for a moment before letting her continue. “If and when everyone is okay with Eric moving in, I want to help pay his cut of the rent.”

One of the issues Lizzie and Olivia discussed after Eric told his story was how they were going to explain to the others in the flat how rent was going to be split when he moved in. It was actually tough for them to figure out a definite solution considering all the rooms were full and he was likely going to be taking over the couch. The closest solution they came to at the end of that talk was basing the updated rent split on the possibility that he would be sleeping in the girls’ room with Lizzie. It was a huge risk putting effort into this possibility considering they still needed Ricki’s approval to let him move into the room, but it was the closest thing they got to an actual solution before they needed to include the others for another option. When they figured out a breakdown of what rent would look like, Olivia offered to pay Eric’s split under the table while telling the others that he was paying it.

Naturally, that didn’t work well for Eric even though he didn’t involve himself in the discussion. He didn’t feel comfortable with Olivia spending more money on him. However, Olivia was quick to point out to Eric that he didn’t really have a choice. Sure, he could offer to pay rent himself considering how discounted it would be with five others living in the flat, but with what money? In the end, to get Eric to agree to the terms Olivia was offering, she countered that he can pay his cut of the utilities. It was better than nothing.

Now, Lizzie was offering Olivia a way to save from shouldering most of Eric’s share of the rent. She brought up their proposal revolving around Eric sleeping in the girls’ room. Lizzie offered to keep her original rate and that Olivia could handle whatever was remaining from Eric’s split. It seemed like a solid proposal. No one got a bad end of the bargain. Lizzie wasn’t going to be paying more with this offer since she would be keeping her original budget. Olivia was now paying less in rent than when she offered to pay Eric’s split in full. And Eric would still be able to move in worry free...or at least financially. It was still likely that he would not like that someone else was paying his rent.

“You know Eric won’t like this idea. He would never want you to spend so much money for him on his behalf,” Olivia argued as she pulled a water bottle out of the refrigerator and took a seat across from her.

Lizzie shrugged her shoulders. “But that’s the thing? I’m technically not. It’s not like I experienced paying the new rate. So, like, it won’t bother me. I’ll still be paying my current cut like nothing’s changed. At least now you’ll only be responsible for the difference.”

“Again, Eric won’t like this.”

“Well then he doesn’t need to know right now. We can tell him later when he’s moved in. What matters right now is making sure he is living here. And even if we get the others to say yes, but he has to sleep on the couch, my offer still stands.” Lizzie leaned forward to rest on her elbows. “Eric is important to me too, you know. I want to help as much as I can while I can. I don’t feel comfortable knowing that you are taking full responsibility for my boyfriend’s well-being while I just sit back and reap the benefits.” Olivia was quick to explain that she had no problem taking care of Eric since she has been doing so for the past two years. But Lizzie wasn’t going to take that lightly. “Well then for the time being, accept my offer to help the both of you any way I can.”

It seemed like time was passing slowly today as Lizzie waited for everyone to get home so they could begin the flat meeting. When they first agreed to the meeting, they planned to start at seven once Ricki got home from work. However, things came up for the boys and they had to delay the meeting until they got back around eight. By the time everyone was home and had their fill of the leftovers Olivia brought back, it was already half eight when they gathered around the living room.

Olivia moderated the meeting.

“So…” Olivia started slowly. Lizzie caught her nervously take a side glance in her direction. This concerned her a little. What was Olivia doing? They planned the entire agenda of this meeting. “Before I get into the reason I asked for this meeting, I wanted to address the, uhm, tension that has been floating around the flat lately. You know...ever since game night.” What. Was. Olivia. Doing?

Lizzie held her breath. This was not how they planned for this meeting to go. She thought they agreed to go straight into the issue and tell the others that Eric’s going to move in. Why was she trying to damage control right now?

Whatever Olivia’s reason, Lizzie figured that she might as well take advantage of the opportunity to speak. Ever since yesterday she’s been fighting for Eric and their relationship, she might as well continue that streak. So as Olivia opened up the floor for people to speak, Lizzie immediately took her turn. “Okay, I’ll go first,” she started. As everyone turned to look at her, Lizzie turned to look directly at Angel, her expression hard. “Angel, that shit you pulled during game night was a dick move.”

It was safe to say that no one in the flat expected little Lizzie to be as abrupt as she was when she spoke. Even Angel’s eyes widened in shock. But Lizzie didn’t pause to savor the reactions. If Olivia was going to go off of her own personal agenda, then so was she. “You had no right targeting Eric like that during Never Have I Ever. How dare you force him to reveal secrets from his life that are absolutely none of your damn business.”

It made her blood boil watching as Angel shook off Lizzie’s accusations like they were no big deal. “Hey, that’s how the game works. I was curious and this was the best opportunity to get answers. We were all having fun.”

“No, you were being a complete asshole. Name one other person in this flat that was having fun when you started making statements like that. Last I remembered, the point of that game is to get as many people to drink as possible. Not just one damn person.” If Olivia thought they could work through the tension that was apparently in the flat, she obviously had not been prepared for the kind of courageous spitfire Lizzie was capable of. Especially when it came to the people she cared about.

“Well, Eri seemed to be having a good time.” Even Malcolm, who was generally on Angel’s side, fidgeted beside his best friend.

The look on Lizzie’s face when Angel mentioned Eric could be equivalent to a dragon blowing smoke out of its nostrils. “Oh really? Then why don’t we grab a bottle and a shot glass and pour you shots until you’re black out drunk and can’t remember anything from that night. Let’s see how you fucking feel then!” She could see the others practically cowering in their seats as her voice grew louder. Leave it to the loud American to scare a room full of English people.

Before any more harsh words could be said by Lizzie, Olivia quickly jumped in to mediate the conversation. Both Malcolm and Ricki were also brought in to chime in if they had any issues since game night. For the most part, Ricki seemed a bit more detached from the situation. Sure, she agreed to some degree that what Angel did was uncalled for, but since the tension at the flat wasn’t directed at her, she didn’t think too much of it. Malcolm, on the other hand, seemed a bit conflicted. Obviously, Angel is his best friend. However, there was no denying the newly developed relationship he had going with Eric. So in terms of picking a side between Angel and Lizzie, he kept mostly in the middle.

It took longer than expected to get this issue with Angel resolved, but even then Lizzie wasn’t entirely satisfied. Before they put the issue to bed, she demanded that he apologize to Eric for his behavior on game night. It was about damn time that someone in the flat stopped enabling this “It’s Angel being Angel” behavior and hold him accountable for his actions.

“Okay,” Olivia continued once they settled everything, taking a quick glance over at the clock before continuing. It was now after nine. “There is something really important that I wanted to discuss with you. That’s why I wanted to talk through some of the problems we’ve been having in the flat lately. Because, uhm, I wanted to run it by all of you whether or not it’s okay for Eric to move in.”

Lizzie and Olivia planned exactly what they were going to tell the others. They told them that there were some difficulties with Eric’s current living situation, which was true...to an extent. There were a couple more half truths in their explanation before Olivia went into the discussion of him moving in before he tried to find another place to stay. This, obviously, wasn’t true. But it was Lizzie’s idea to make it seem like they were helping Eric out of a time sensitive situation. Add a bit of empathy to the proposal. Surely everyone in the flat has experienced the stress of trying to find a new place to live.

As expected, there was much to discuss about this. In the beginning, Lizzie mostly kept quiet while the others talked it out. She preferred Olivia speak on behalf of Eric before chiming in. After all, Lizzie was the girlfriend; she was naturally biased to the idea. Olivia, while Eric’s best friend, lived in the flat long enough to know how to follow flat rules. This included letting everyone have a say.

For the most part, everyone agreed that they believed Eric was basically already living at the flat. Even before he became involved with Lizzie. Having been invited to plenty of Flat Nights over the last year, he had enough of a presence for them to be okay with him being around in a more permanent situation. However, most of the concerns the others had revolved around space. The debate over whether Eric should take over the couch took up much of the discussion. On the one hand, it was the only space in the flat available to him. And he’s been sleeping on the couch for two years already so it wasn’t like he needed to adapt to that. However, if Eric was going to have the couch permanently, that risked the availability of the common room to the others. What were they going to do about guests?

“Actually,” Lizzie finally chimed in. “Ricki, I was wondering if I could maybe run something by you about that?”

Her roommate turned to look at her. “Yeah?”

Lizzie cleared her throat. “I was thinking that maybe Eric could stay in our room?”

Ricki blinked. “If he’s going to stay in someone’s room, why not the boys’ room? He is one after all.”

“Yes, but that would require some heavy duty redecorating and trying to fit another bed in there? I can’t imagine the boys want to figure out some bunk bed situation either?” She turned to look at the boys. Angel looked horrified at the idea of a bunk bed in their room. “If he stayed in our room, nothing much would change ‘cause he’d be sleeping in my bed with me.”

There was a giggle from the other couch as Angel teased Ricki about the threat of her walking in on Lizzie and Eric hooking up in their room. Ricki, however, didn’t seem at all disturbed by the thought. In fact, she didn’t even think about that as she explained to the boys that she has never once seen them kiss in their room. “All they do is sleep, really. Especially Eric. By the time I get home they’re all cuddled up and fast asleep. It’s kind of disappointing really. You’d think for two people as in love as they are that they would need a hose to separate them. Turns out all they need is a bed to keep them from being so into each other.” Lizzie had to admit she was a little embarrassed hearing Ricki’s point of view. She just felt so exposed as the others giggled at their lack of intimacy in the bedroom. At least they knew nothing about what happened on the couch last night.

“I mean,” Olivia said now. “You could also think of it another way. If Eric were to sleep in someone’s room, figuring out how to split rent would be much easier?” Lizzie couldn’t help smiling at Olivia. Good, she caught on to what she was doing. At the mention of rent, that caught everyone’s attention again. Olivia pointed out splitting rent into thirds with the inhabitants of whichever room he moved into. Sure, it only benefited two of the flatmates, but it was better than spending another hour or so trying to split the rent as fairly as possible when considering the common room.

The argument appealed to Ricki faster than both Lizzie and Olivia expected. It most likely had to do with the opportunity to lower her rent. After she playfully insisted to Lizzie that they behave themselves if they do this, she agreed to the terms. So that was one person for Eric moving in. All that was left was to persuade the boys.

Malcolm surprisingly didn’t need that much convincing. He was quick to vote in favor of letting Eric move in. Lizzie figured this had something to do with their growing friendship. When it came to Angel, well, let’s just say that he was still slightly traumatized by Lizzie calling him out to have much of a say. He mostly kept himself distant from the decision making with an off comment that Eric was basically living in the flat. “It’s about time he started contributing considering how often he’s been staying over lately.”

And so, with an overall unanimous vote, Eric was officially moved into the flat. Lizzie and Olivia’s plan worked. Now it was just a matter of waiting for Eric to come back from rehearsals to tell him the good news. ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111118-----------❖ LOCATION — lizzie's bed-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie....and ricki?
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

Each day that he got to wake up to Lizzie in his arms and her hands in his hair was proof that he had made the right choice. This was where he truly belonged and somewhere in his half asleep mind he vowed to never allow for something to threaten them again. Nothing would take his Lizzie from him again….except for work of course. He didn’t want to wake up, he just wanted to stay in bed with her nails ever so carefully gliding across his scalp the way he loved it. So he decided that he wouldn’t wake up. If he stayed ‘asleep’ then she would have no choice but to stay with him. Especially if he didn’t give her the space to get up. He hugged her closer wanting to savor this moment with her, but something just felt…off. His eyes peeked open to see her sitting over him which meant—oh, he was holding a pillow and not the love of his life. She must have felt so clever.

He didn’t do much more than stare up at her with that puppy dog look of complete adoration— of course coupled with that sleepy ‘just woke up’ daze. Could they just stay like this a while longer? Her hands in his hair and whispering sweet nothings to him? Honestly she could be reciting the dictionary for all he cared, he just wanted her angelic voice to fill his ears so he didn’t have to concentrate on anything else. For Eric though, good things tended to come to an end before the bad. She had to go. She couldn’t delay it any longer and Eric could only delay it for as long as he could draw out their kiss, ”Love you…” As tired as he was, after all of yesterday’s regret he had to make sure to say it back to her. She was right, it would be over twelve hours till he saw her next. A lot can happen in twelve hours and he needed their last real exchanges to be declarations of love.

The happy couple had adopted a habit of texting—a routine if you will. A way to make their time apart more bearable. Telling each other what they were doing pretty much all day long. One might view it as a little excessive, someone else might think they had little trust in each other if they had to constantly inform the other as to their whereabouts. But it really didn’t have any deeper meaning. It was just to be able to imagine that the other was with them all the time. A sense of inclusion and to stave off the loneliness that would set in well before the day was done. It was Lizzie’s texting that got him through work and then through rehearsals. But he noticed during rehearsals it eventually reached a point that she stopped responding. Yes, he should have been focusing on the troupe but it wasn’t like he was an actor or even the director for this show, and so he once again lifted his iPod to see an empty lockscreen completely devoid of any new WhatsApp notifications from Lizzie. It didn’t take too long for it to dawn on him that today was Saturday, the day Olivia and Lizzie had set up a Flat Meeting for. The meeting about whether or not he could officially move in.

His nerves quickly escalated to dread as he began his commute back to the flat. This would be the moment of truth. Was he really going to live in Boundary now with his bestmate and girlfriend? Was he finally going to have a home to return to everyday? Even if it was only a couch in a cold common room…Or would he walk in just to be told to pack his bags and then kicked to the curb? Not that he even had a bag to pack in the first place…

Honestly Lizzie was a dead giveaway. As soon as he had opened the front door he could see her hurrying out of her room and down the hall towards him. She looked happy, and while yes he was happy to see her too, she looked good news happy and after greeting him was quick to explain how not only was he given the okay to move in but that he’d be staying with her, in her room, in her bed. Well, she didn’t emphasize those last two points but they were still important all the same. Eric didn't know what he had been so worried for, had he really expected the flat to just throw him out after these past two years of Flat Nights? He got along great with everyone, there really hadn’t been any stand out bad moment between him and anyone else—

Lizzie left to heat up leftovers, courtesy of Olivia tonight as opposed to the usual Malcolm meal, and had instructed him to go wash up so he could eat. It was during his exit of the bathroom that Eric found himself cornered by none other than the devil himself, ”Hello?”
Angel had hugged him rather quickly and after separating just stood there for a moment smiling at him. It seemed almost like he was taking a pause for dramatic build up but at last, ”So you heard right~? We’re roomies now,” Okay so technically no….not roomies...but Eric wasn’t particularly bothered and didn’t feel any need to correct him, ”I just want you to know that I am always here for you. If there is ever anything you need to talk about I am just a door away~ I have always loved having you around and I am so excited you’re finally moving in. It’s about time right~?” Just what exactly had they talked about at this meeting...?

”Well anyways, I hope you know I didn’t really mean any of that at Flat Night right? It’s all just good fun. What’s a drinking game if you’re not drinking, am I right?” Angel kept going on and didn’t give Eric much space to respond to much of anything. By the time Eric was able to leave he felt as though he’d been spun in so many circles that he couldn’t keep track of what had or hadn’t been said.

He finally entered the common room only to be met by Lizzie fussing from the table that he that he had taken so long she probably needed to REreheat his food to which Eric offered a quick sorry as he took his usual seat after Lizzie whisked his plate away, ”So uhm, I think Angel just tried to apologize…?”

Keyword: tried.

It was Saturday night, a night most people would either go out or stay up late to enjoy not having to wake up the next morning. Most people were not Eric though. He was tired and ready to crash for the night. He’d been up late into the night with Lizzie last night and both yesterday and today had turned into 12 hour days for him, then tomorrow he worked late as well...Eric really just could never catch a break. So while the rest of the flat found ways to entertain themselves for another hour or so at least, Eric and Lizzie had hidden away in her room as soon as he was done eating and after he took a quick shower to wash away his long day. The glances exchanged between the other members of the flat were lost on Eric with his single track mind right now but he definitely heard the teasing tone in Angel’s voice as he called down the hall for them, ”Don’t stay up too late~”

Eric climbed into bed first while Lizzie seemed to get distracted at her desk. He watched on in silence from the comfort of her bed, his body was oh so thankful to be off his feet and covered with her comforter. But as tired as he was his mind couldn’t settle. It wasn’t so much because she wasn’t in bed with him, he had fallen asleep without her plenty of times before, but rather he needed to tell her something and until it was off his chest he wouldn’t be able to sleep, ”C’me here love,” she looked over to him and he added a ”Please?” Before she crossed the room to the bed. Eric patted the place beside him for her to lay down with him, he knew very well she probably had things to take care of, it was still fairly early after all, but he just really had to tell her this. She could go back to work afterwards.

He gently brushed away any flyaways from her pretty face as they now lay facing one another. Eric could feel his eyes growing heavy but he kept them trained on her face, taking in all of her features that he had so missed throughout the day. Eventually though he surpassed the amount of silence allowed before it became awkward. Not that, they were awkward, he loved every second with her. But the lights were still on, Lizzie wasn’t even under the blanket with him and he had clearly called her over for a specific reason that he had yet to mention. Eric’s voice was soft, not intended to be a whisper but it was certainly not meant to travel outside of their immediate bubble, ”I’m going to Barking tomorrow.”

He searched her eyes during the pause that followed as he tried to determine how she was taking this bit of news. It wasn’t a complete surprise, she had to have known this day was coming, but he knew she wouldn’t like it anymore than he did. She finally asked “when” and Eric blinked slowly as his hand left her face to take her hand instead, ”In the morning, before work.”

He didn’t want to be going at night if he could help it. Now that all his cats were out of their bags there was no point to sneaking around it. He didn’t need to hide his trip and Lizzie needed to know he was going. He just hoped she wouldn’t press him about it. It’s not like there was much more he could say on the subject anyways, but he really just didn’t want it to be a topic of conversation between them. Why let that toxicity into their thoughts a second longer than necessary? It had already been much of what they had talked about this past week, he didn’t want to let it take up any more of their time together.

Eric’s last memory was lying there with Lizzie while the lights were still on and the clock barely at 11pm. When he opened his eyes next it was not only dark inside Lizzie’s room but outside the flat as well. The sun was barely breaking from the horizon and it couldn’t have even been 6am yet. While yesterday he had slept through both Lizzie’s alarm clock and her escaping his hold, today his internal clock declared it time to wake up and so he did. He had business to attend to and it seemed that the related stress had pulled him out of his slumber rather than allowing him to sleep peacefully at Lizzie’s side. She was under the blankets with him now, curled up close; Eric could tell that much in the dark anyways. Hopefully she hadn’t stayed up too late after he had apparently knocked out. But he had seen her workload during the Manchester game on Wednesday….the other night she had spoken of how tired he must have been from work, and rehearsals, and their late nights together, and how she took fault in pushing him into it. But...wasn’t he just as much at fault? Hadn't he been keeping her from her own responsibilities? Or was she handling her schoolwork and internship duties just fine and Eric was just the one suffering from chronic fatigue and unable to stay up late when not required…

If Lizzie stirred at all during his escape from the bed, it apparently wasn’t enough for her to actually process he was leaving. After changing back into yesterday’s clothes in the darkness of her room, Eric’s only pitstop was to the bathroom before slipping out of the flat before anyone else got a chance to wake up and ask him about why he was leaving so early. Of course he easily could have just lied to anyone and said he had work. His schedule did shift around from time to time, but it would have meant he couldn’t return until after his real shift late that night. And it of course would have gotten back to Lizzie and she would have known he had lied right away. He didn’t want to lie to her.

While in the past he had generally preferred to catch a train rather than drive, Eric had yet to replace his backpack and after his mugging incident he wasn’t sure he wanted to risk being caught walking around with that much cash on him. No, he’d drive. The money was already stashed away in the car and it would be faster anyways; all he really wanted was to return to Lizzie’s side. It was a cold morning walk to his car and then a cold 40 min drive to Barking. By the time the heater started to actually make a difference he was almost there. Past his old school, past the bakery, past the church…

The sun was more or less up by now and everything was much less frightening now that it was all illuminated and visible. He parked across the street from his mother’s flat and just sat in his car staring over at it for a long minute. Last he’d seen it was when Olivia had driven him over to drop off the money from his last delivery, but even now it still hurt to look at. To think about everything that had happened there and to know there was an unsuspecting happy family living under that roof now. Eric found his mind wandering— wondering. Curious about how this family lived. How long had they lived here? Had they been living here ever since he’d left? Did they have any family difficulties? Did they truly love this house or was it just a roof over their heads? Had they decorated inside? Filled the previously empty walls with family photos and art pieces their children had made? Did they wake up to eat together every morning? The root of all Eric’s questions was wondering whether all the bad that happened to him was truly just his own problems or if it was this place. Did Howard give them a hard time too? Eric really just needed to find something to blame other than himself. If he had been better as a child then would his mother not have turned to drugs and Howard? If he hadn’t asked for that one birthday present, or hadn’t insisted she go see him in the school play, if he had just— what was it? What was her breaking point to decide that getting too high to function was a better option than being with him?

Eric had cycled through the sad feelings of missing her and his happy memories here and had by now shifted back to that deep resentment he had been holding for all these years. The car had finally warmed up by the time he switched it off and stepped outside. A rush of cold air bit at his face as he shut and locked the door behind him before crossing the street to Howard’s. He just wanted to get this over with and leave.

He probably should have just forced the money through the mail slot in the door and been done with it, but he didn’t, instead Eric knocked a couple times and then waited maybe ten seconds before a response. The door opened to reveal a woman in little more than her lingerie with a night slip over. Eric had never seen this woman before and it seemed she didn’t have a clue who he was either. They stared in silence at one another until he could hear Howard’s gruff voice call from deeper in the house asking who it was, ”Eric!” He cut this woman off to save the back and forth of her asking who he was and repeating it back.

As Howard replaced the woman at the door Eric felt the first ounce of regret hit him. Why was he doing this now at seven something in the morning when he could be in bed with Lizzie? No...that was exactly why he was here so bloody early. So that he could return back hopefully before she even woke up and realized he was gone. So he could spend every possible hour with her before his shift at 1pm. Otherwise he would have needed to leave the flat by 11 at the absolute latest. He was here to give them every extra minute together he could possibly get.

Eric extended the rubberband bound stack of notes but Howard just took a deep drag from his cigarette before blatantly exhaling the smoke out the open door and directly into Eric’s air space. The cloud hovered around his head for a moment in the cold morning air but Eric made no movement to wave it away. Admittedly he wasn’t too bothered by the smell itself being an occasional smoker himself, it was more so the gesture. Howard’s stance was one that dominated power and respect and Eric was going to do all he could to stand up to him. A smirk grew across Howard’s face before turning away from the door to walk back to wherever he’d come from, ”Come in.”

That ounce of regret was quickly growing to be a pound now as he had little choice but to follow Howard into the house and quietly shut the door behind him. The smoke was pretty heavy in the air but Eric fought back the urge to cough. From his spot in the entry way he could see that the woman had returned to lounging in front of the television to his right while Howard had gone left into the kitchen. Eric followed Howard. Seeing the number of cigarette butts in his ashtray on the table only confirmed that they must’ve been up for hours already. That wasn’t all that was on the table though. Eric quickly recognized that Howard had been in the middle of weighing and bagging his merchandise, no doubt to pass on to whoever was doing Eric’s job for him now.

Eric stopped a good distance from the table. He wanted nothing to do with all of this right now. His heart rate had picked up speed and a faint ringing set into his ears as he fought to keep his cool. He had never imagined he would be back in a room full of drugs so soon— especially after just making everything right with Lizzie...he did not want to be here. But who was he to deny Howard? He couldn’t have exactly just refused at the door and turned to leave. Eric was really trying to keep the peace here and walk the fine line between not upsetting Howard but not giving into anything that would just get him in trouble.

”No bodyguard today?” He had to have been referring to Olivia but Eric just sighed and shook his head as he set the money he still held onto the counter closest to him before shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He honestly had such a complicated relationship with Howard. Above all he obviously hated him. But there was still a sort of mutual understanding developed from this poverty life they had both lived in. An outsider might take one look and just see “drug dealer”, “pimp”, or even “slumlord”. And while Eric wasn’t denying any of those things, this was Howard’s business. He had grown up surrounded by it so it all just felt normal to him. It wasn’t like walking into a sketchy part of town and being able to point out every illegal activity. Nothing about this situation got red flagged in his mind beyond the simple fact that he shouldn’t be here.

There had been plenty of times he found himself alone with Howard as a child but never had the man actually raised a hand against him. If anything Howard would bring toys or dinner for the night. Howard had early on created a relationship between them in which Eric had to depend on him. Gaining a level of trust between them. It wasn’t the type of trust in which one shares secrets, or would put their life in the other’s hands. It was more so an understanding. Eric always knew what to expect when it came to Howard and Howard knew exactly how to get to him, ”Wanna work?”

Eric watched as Howard kicked out the chair beside him but the invitation to sit was met with silence, ”...fine. Give it ‘ere then.” Now Howard finally reached for the money and Eric did as he was told to pass his payment from the counter and into Howard’s outstretched hand. Really, what was the point in making him come inside? Eric watched on as his old landlord counted out the money onto the table, his hand still in his pocket ran its thumb across his car key as he anxiously awaited to be allowed to leave and take it out to return to Boundary. Then that woman from earlier stumbled up from behind and bumped into his shoulder as she passed. Eric wasn’t going to pay her any attention except that he caught sight that she had put on another layer of clothes. A bathrobe to be specific. It was grizzly bear brown, thick, and looked like it used to be extremely fuzzy but time had worn it down. Eric watched as it slipped off her shoulders and then still didn't look away as she clumsily tried to wrap it tighter around her body. It had to just be coincidence. Just a general resemblance— no it was the real thing. When the woman turned around and he saw the front of the robe his eyes went straight to the initials embroidered onto the left side. This was his mother’s robe and that ringing sensation in his ear just intensified at the surge of pure anger he felt seeing this cracked out stranger in possession of something that so clearly belonged to his mother. Sure Howard had bought it for her...but Eric had seen her in it nearly everyday for years. It hadn’t been with her belongings when he had cleared out the house….so it must have been over here all these years.

He couldn’t think straight anymore, his thoughts were racing as quickly as his heart now. He couldn’t do this. He mumbled that he was leaving and then he did. He just turned and walked out like he should have done from the very beginning. It was near freezing outside still but Eric’s emotions had his body temperature rising as he retraced his steps back to his car...his mother’s car….and turned the key in the ignition. He drove off before bothering with his seat belt, he could put that on in a second while he was driving or at the next stop sign, right now he just needed to get out of here.

Would he ever be done with this? Would he ever truly be free from this depressing world of drugs, debt and constant reminders of death? Eric’s heart had slowed and settled into a painfully heavy feeling in his chest while the speed instead transferred to his foot on the accelerator.

It was a bit before 8:30am when Eric was fishing the spare key out from its hiding spot and letting himself into the flat. It was pretty quiet, most likely everyone was still in bed enjoying their Sunday morning sleep in. He did take note that the double doors were open though, a sign that someone had woken up, but whether or not they were still up was another matter. Maybe someone just woke up really thirsty and didn’t bother to shut the doors on their way back to their room. Who knows, it didn’t concern Eric so long as he wasn’t going to run into anyone who would ask about his whereabouts. He wasn’t in the mood.

Opening the door to Ricki and Lizzie’s room it was clear that neither of the girls had woken up yet. The lights were still off and curtains hadn’t been pulled back either. He stood in the doorway a moment to take advantage of the dim lighting from the hallway to better see his love. As much as he wanted to run to her side, he also just wanted to stand here and watch her sleep so peacefully before he would inevitably disturb that tranquility. Eric wanted it all. He wanted her to not be affected by his life but he also needed her for him to get through it. He had finally found a reason to push through the darkness and the reason was one little Lizzie Darcy.

Finally Eric fully stepped into the room and ever so slowly closed the door behind him till he heard the click confirming the latch had caught. Still near the door he only managed to get as far as untying and kicking off his boots before his hurting heart got pulled towards Lizzie and he was too weak to resist a moment longer. It seemed Lizzie had naturally gravitated closer towards the center of the bed since he had left which now left a large enough gap on ‘her side’ of her bed for him to lay in. So with socks, jeans, shirt, hoodie and jacket still on, Eric climbed onto the bed and, while he moved delicately and gently, he wasted no time in wrapping both his arms around her and buried his face into her chest as he pulled her close. The comforter had slipped some in all his movement but still separated them as his leg drifted over hers in his attempt to gain as much contact as he could.

All his built up tension was slowly leaving as he took in a deep breath to assure himself that he was here with Lizzie. It was to be expected that Lizzie would wake from all this persistent movement on Eric’s part. Previously he had always been oh so careful not to wake her but now in his selfish sadness all he wanted was to hold her and so any stealthiness had been tossed out the window. However he didn’t respond at first to her confusion while she processed waking up and as she slowly gained enough consciousness to realize he hadn’t simply adjusted his hold on her in his sleep and that this was something else. He remained unresponsive for just a moment longer before an, ”I’m back...” could be heard muffled against her shirt.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111218-----------❖ LOCATION — outside campus-----------❖ COMPANY — eric, anna and andrew
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

Without even looking at the time, Lizzie knew it was too early. Last night she was up until after two in the morning trying to catch up on all the studying she missed because of her work schedule last week. She could have done most of it on Sunday considering it was her day off, but she honestly wanted to spend it getting through as much of this week’s manuscript as quickly as possible. She was so tired of being on her toes every week praying to finish her work for her internship before Saturday morning meetings.

Lizzie groaned softly. Confused and still tired, Lizzie grabbed her phone from the bedside table. It was a little after eight. It took her a moment to remember what today was. Right, it’s Sunday. When she remembered that she was not obligated to be awake this early today, Lizzie placed her phone back on her bedside table then buried her face into her pillow.

In her tired state, she completely overlooked the absence of her other half beside her. Or the fact that her roommate was still fast asleep even though she had to go to work in an hour.

It seemed like only a second passed that she rolled over to go back to sleep. But alas, half an hour later, she was shaken awake unintentionally. The images in her mind of a long, dark car ride to an unknown destination faded away to be replaced by the real images of a cold, dark bedroom and the feeling of strong arms wrapping around her. She groaned once again, this time from being woken up by a force outside of her own doing. She just fell back to sleep. It was Sunday. She deserved to sleep for the next ten minutes...at least.

But then, in the darkness of the cold bedroom, familiar sensations crept up to jostle her awake. The scent of Eric’s hair with each breath she took. The sounds of his steady breathing in the small bedroom. The tightened pressure of his arms around her waist as he pulled her closer. It was everything she remembered falling asleep to last night. However, something felt off. And it was not just because he was suddenly on “her” side of the bed.

First off, when did he put on a jacket?

Lizzie finally opened her eyes to take in the full scene. She actually couldn’t see much in the darkness of the room, but eventually her eyes adjusted to the lack of light and her other senses worked a little harder to put the rest of the pieces together. “Eric?” she whispered while she wrapped her arms around him. She cradled his head against her chest with one hand ever so dutifully brushing through his long hair. They remained like this for one blissful moment until he finally spoke.

Back? Back from where? Did he go somewhere? But it was so early in the morning and she didn’t recall him leaving the bed. Then she registered the jacket. He must have left if he was wearing his jacket. Sure, it was freezing in the room right now, but not enough to merit a jacket. Between his hoodie and their combined body heat, he would not need it. So if he was wearing a jacket right now and announced he was back from wherever he went…

Oh. Right.

Lizzie sighed. She didn’t know if she was sad over the situation or relieved that she slept through it. She remembered he told her last night that he needed to go to Barking this morning. It was payday for that monster and her poor Eric had to wake up so early in the morning to drive forty minutes for the drop off. Even with the knowledge of Eric’s whereabouts, Lizzie still did not like it. She didn’t like it last night and she didn’t like it this morning regardless of Eric’s safe return.

She took a deep breath, feeling his head rise and fall along with her. No, now was not the right time to think about Howard or the debt. It was done now. Eric didn’t have to go back to that place until the end of the month. He can stay here with her where he was safe. As she worked through these thoughts, Lizzie hugged him even tighter to her while resting her head against the top of his. “Welcome home…”

This almost picture perfect moment was suddenly interrupted by hasty shuffling and barely audible swear words from the other side of the room. Afterwards, Ricki’s side of the room was filled with light. Looks like she finally realized she’s overslept. But while the poor girl stumbled and fumbled to grab her work uniform then make a mad dash to the bathroom, Lizzie did not move a single muscle in her bed. She continued to hold Eric close to her while comfortingly combing her fingers through his hair.

Ricki never returned from the bathroom thus leaving the room half lit on her side. The light from her roommate’s desk lamp casted shadows on Lizzie’s side of the room. As such, she was only able to get a partial look at Eric’s face while the rest hid away in her chest. What she could see broke her heart. He just looked so sad. Did something happen in Barking to upset him? What was she asking? Of course something happened to upset him. Nothing about Barking could possibly make him happy to go there.

“Hey, let’s take this off, yeah? Then you can get back into bed,” Lizzie offered in a low voice. She finally pulled away enough so she could grab a handful of Eric’s jacket to urge him to take it off. He wouldn’t budge at first, seeming perfectly content to stay like this. But Lizzie knew he would feel much better without it. If he felt anything like she did, he would want as little as possible between them. After a gentle tug of the jacket sleeves, Eric finally let her go so that she could pull the jacket off his arms. Once the jacket was off, she tossed it onto the ground. Then she slid across the bed until her back was against the wall. Now that Eric was once again back under the comforter, she wrapped her arms around his neck once more. “There, that’s better, right?”

It was hard to say how long they remained like this. Nothing in or out of the small bedroom gave Lizzie any indication that the world was moving on without them. At this very moment, time stood still for her and Eric and she was perfectly content with that.

The only thing that disrupted their private time together was the occasional ring from her phone alerting her that she received a text message. It wasn’t as often as when, say, JKL blasted her phone wanting to talk. No, it was every so often and usually spread out long enough for her to forget she received a text message at all. Lizzie refused to let some text message get in the way of her time with Eric while he obviously needed her. Nothing was more important than him right now...or ever.

“Oh, you are awake,” Olivia said as she poked her head into the bedroom. “Are you two decent?”

Lizzie lifted her head off the pillow enough to look over at the door. It was wide open now and all of the morning light from outside came flooding into their barely lit bedroom. The outside world officially broke through into their little bubble.

“Is everything okay?” Olivia asked, leaning against the door.

Lizzie turned away from her flatmate to look down at Eric. “He went to Barking this morning,” she explained. That was enough for Olivia to understand the situation.

“Well, um, I’m assuming you haven’t seen any of the text messages this morning?” Lizzie shook her head. “Malcolm is offering to cook dinner tonight to welcome Eric to the flat, but he wants to know what he wants to eat.” There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation as Lizzie explained to Olivia that Eric wasn’t going to be home in time for dinner; that he started work at one today. Leave it to the girlfriend to remember Eric’s work schedule by heart.

Olivia excused herself for a moment, leaving the door slightly ajar. Lizzie could hear faint sounds of voices in the time she had alone with Eric. When Olivia returned, she was accompanied by Malcolm. “Lunch? I can pack it for Eric to have during his break,” he offered.

Lizzie looked at her two flatmates, confused. “What time is it?” she asked. Olivia informed her that it was nearing ten. “Why not breakfast then?”

“That won’t work. Lunch is really the only option we’ve got,” Olivia countered. This obviously left the couple confused. It was barely ten in the morning. Eric wasn’t due to go to work until one. There was plenty of time right now for Malcolm to cook breakfast.

Olivia then registered the confusion in the conversation. Apparently she forgot to mention something important. “Right, the main reason I wanted to talk to you two. I’m taking Eric to work today, but before that we need to go somewhere. We should leave within the hour if we’re going to finish in time to drop him off at the hotel.” If that was supposed to clear up the confusion in the bedroom, it didn’t. Where the hell are they going?

Ikea. That’s where they’re going. The car ride from the flat to the Ikea in Wembley was spent debating over where to put Eric’s things now that he was moving into the flat. Obviously, it cannot stay in a pile at the entrance to Olivia’s room. Lizzie sat in the back, watching as the best friends debated over how much storage Eric would need for his things. In the beginning, she attempted to contribute to the conversation. But it was made clear to her fairly early on that she had no clue just how much stuff Eric actually owned. So for now, she sat back while the two people that knew more than she did made the decisions. Honestly, she wasn’t even sure why she was asked to come along in the first place. It was likely that his stuff was staying in Olivia’s room, right?

Once they were at Ikea, the debate suddenly evolved to Olivia’s room versus the girls’ room. Now that they were actually at the store, Olivia and Eric now had their own theories about how much space was needed to organize his things into the flat. Olivia also added the attic space into the equation for all his stuff that he didn’t immediately need. Honestly, Lizzie totally forgot about the attic space. Forgive her, she’s from LA.

“Honestly, I don’t exactly need this much drawer space though,” Olivia argued while she stared at an 8-shelf dresser. Apparently she has been sitting on buying this dresser for a while. But even with the excuse that her best friend could also use it, it wasn’t enough for her to commit. Not that Lizzie could blame her. The dresser was almost £200. She would need to be 100% committed to the decision to buy it.

After an hour walking between the dressers and the wardrobe displays, there was suddenly talk over whether it was possible they could fit Eric’s stuff in the girls’ room after all. Olivia realized somehow that if they organized his things well enough and utilized the attic space, there wasn’t need for him to have to use her bedroom after all. As she claims, it wasn’t like he had a lot of clothes in the first place. She argued that all he really needed was some kind of zip cover clothes rack and storage boxes to fit all his essential items. That, however, brought up the question of whether the girls’ room even had room to begin with.

For that, Malcolm was called in for assistance. He and Angel put their heads together to determine if it was necessary after all to move furniture around in the girls’ room to make space for Eric. Malcolm was pretty confident that was going to be the route they needed to take when Angel chimed in at the last minute that the space between the door and the wardrobe was big enough for some kind of narrow storage unit.

“But obviously it isn’t enough space for all of Eri’s things right? So you’re better off leaving his things in your room, Olivia.” Lizzie caught the best friends exchanging looks to one another.

With the clothes rack now tucked away in the trunk of Olivia’s car, they drove off to the hotel to bring Eric to work. They were honestly cutting it a little close getting him there on time, but Olivia seemed confident that the ETA displayed on Maps was accurate. They were going to barely get him there on time.

When Olivia pulled over to the side of the hotel, Lizzie waited for Eric to climb out of the car before moving from the back seat to take his place in the front. In that transfer time though, Lizzie paused to hand over the lunch Malcolm cooked him then kissed him goodbye and told him she loves him. Just because they weren’t in the flat doesn’t mean she wasn’t going to shower him with affection before he was off to work. After one more quick kiss before he had to really leave, Lizzie watched him walk into the hotel then climb into the car. “Oh, you two are at ‘I love yous’ already? Good to know,” Olivia teased as she pulled into traffic.

It didn’t take long for Lizzie to recognize that they were definitely not going back to the flat yet. And she was quick to voice that discovery. Olivia laughed. “I wanted to make sure we were as far away from Eric as possible first.” Lizzie looked at her now, confused. “If you two talk at all today, just tell him you’ve been home this whole time.” What was it with this woman and not being fully forthcoming about her information? “I wanted to take you with me to look for Eric’s birthday gift.”

His...what?

Just as Olivia finally told her what they were doing exactly, she pulled up to a red light then looked over at her. Lizzie’s shocked reaction was probably not what she expected. Her flatmate took a quick glance at the red light then looked back at her. “You did know his birthday is next Sunday right?”

Lizzie stammered for a second. “Honestly? I only knew that it was in November…” she admitted shyly. “And then all this stuff with our relationship and Barking and him moving in popped up and I just forgot to ask him when exactly it was.”

“Wow. What do you two do when you’re together?” There was only the briefest of pauses before Olivia added, “Don’t...answer that.” Why did everyone in the flat think they didn’t talk when they’re together? Was it so hard to believe that Lizzie could spend hours just talking to Eric? Probably not considering she didn’t even know his actual birthday. Then again...did he even know hers?

They arrived at Westfield on a mission to find birthday gifts for Eric. Olivia seemed to already have a few items in mind to get him. Whether she was going to get only one of them or all of them was still up in the air. Lizzie, on the other hand, was a little lost for ideas. No, that was a lie. She had plenty of ideas, but most of them were more generic boyfriend-specific ideas. What she wanted to do was get him something that was Eric-specific.

“So, is there a reason you want to get him another blanket? I promise my comforter is warm enough for him,” Lizzie asked as she watched Olivia compare the softness of two blankets that caught her attention.

“I’m thinking about getting rid of the ones that are in the living room? The fact that he needs up to five blankets to stay warm there is cause for concern. Especially because it’s almost winter.” Lizzie was still unsure why Olivia wanted to get Eric a blanket for the living room. And she was not afraid to voice that concern. “You really think Eric is going to spend all his free time in your room? I doubt he’ll feel comfortable sleeping in there alone with only Ricki for company.” Okay, Lizzie was starting to see her point now. Old habits die hard, and even she could guess that Eric would likely end up back on the couch soon enough.

Lizzie finally had an idea what to get Eric after they finished having a late lunch at Nando’s. It was just a matter of finding the best place to buy it and she trusted Olivia to lead the way. They had to visit a couple stores before she was satisfied with the choice she made. A bit of pride swelled up in Lizzie watching the lady at the register ring up the rucksack style backpack. She figured out exactly what Eric needed all on her own without Olivia’s help.

They returned to the flat late in the afternoon. By then, the boys left for some weekend plans they had, leaving the flat all to themselves. They spent it wrapping Eric’s birthday gifts while trying to figure out where they could hide it until next week. The easiest option was Olivia’s room now that he no longer needed her room space for his things. Once the gifts were wrapped and hidden away in her wardrobe, Lizzie helped Olivia carry the clothes rack they bought earlier at Ikea inside and then assemble it. Angel was right. With the dimensions they got from the boys earlier, the clothes rack they got fit almost perfectly in the space between the door and the wardrobe of the girls’ room. Now they just needed to wait for Eric to come home and have the time to organize all his belongings, which also included needing to transfer them from his car into the flat.

Lizzie dedicated the remainder of her Sunday the way she planned to. She got through a nice chunk of this week’s manuscript by the time she had to put it down for dinner. Her theory was that her senior editor felt sorry for her for tossing a surprise two-manuscript week her way and offered her one that was an easier read. Whether it was good enough to be published by Little Hopper though was another story. By the time Eric came home from work around one in the morning, Lizzie was more than halfway through the manuscript. She would be able to write up a report in the next couple days. For now though, her love was home and their bed was calling them.

On Monday morning, Lizzie woke up to the sound of her alarm going off. She groaned into Eric’s back as she wrapped her arm tighter around his waist to pull him closer. Maybe if she held him tight enough the sound of her annoying alarm would vanish. It didn’t. Lizzie was forced to pull away from Eric to roll onto her other side and turn off her alarm. But if she thought her quick response was going to prevent Eric from waking up as well, she was wrong.

“Well, if you’re not going to get ready, I’ll take the bathroom first then.” Lizzie giggled as Ricki got out of her bed and left the room. Her alarm stopped going off about ten minutes ago, but she was still cuddled up against Eric like she had all the time in the world. She knew she needed to get ready for school. She knew that very well. But the way Eric gazed at her with those tired eyes under the minimal light the crack in the curtain let in had her so compelled to stay in bed a little while longer. She just wanted so badly to be with him and never let him go.

Before she knew what she was doing, she rolled on top of Eric while trailing tender kisses along his neck. While one hand caressed the side of his neck and her lips kissed the other side, her free hand traveled down his chest to his waist. She then slid her hand back up once she reached the hem of his shirt, this time under the thin fabric. With each heavy breath he took, she felt it against her lips and at her fingertips. It satisfied her that he wanted this as much as she did and it only fueled her to keep going. She wanted him to feel good.

Lizzie was starting to get a good flow going. But just as her hand traveled past Eric’s midsection to return to his chest, she suddenly felt him tense up. Concerned, she stopped and pulled away to look down at him. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asked.

What confused her the most was that despite whatever valid reason he gave, he wanted to stop so suddenly. She could have sworn he was into this as much as she was just a moment ago. But as he suggested that she should probably get ready for school so that she wouldn’t be late, Lizzie agreed without much complaint. With her hand still pressed against his bare chest, she could tell he was no longer in the mood. So as she untangled herself from him, she announced that she’d check on Ricki to see if she can take her turn in the bathroom.

Lizzie was stuck thinking about what happened with Eric well after she finished having breakfast with him and left for school. Did she do something wrong? Was it even something she did? Or...maybe...he just couldn’t stay excited like she thought he was. Maybe...her methods bored him after a point. Was that it? Was her attempt at intimacy not enough for him to stay interested?

She refused to think too much about his past and his experience. The details he shared the other night were too much for her to take while she stressed over the possibility that her own experience was so tame to what he was used to. She dared not think about what it must take to get him excited again.

As the day went on, Lizzie thought less and less about that morning. This time apart from Eric served well to return Lizzie to a positive headspace regarding their relationship. How foolish she was to compare herself to those women in his past. They obviously meant nothing to him. They were just clients, a way for him to earn the money he needed to repay his debt. She was different from every single one of them. He loves her and there was nothing these horrendous women could do to take that away from her.

It was now Lizzie’s turn to sneak text messages to Eric while she was in class. Not that it was a hard thing to do. Surely, texting in a lecture hall of 100 students was easier than texting while in the middle of work. The only time she struggled to keep a constant conversation with Eric was during her smaller classes. But even then, all she needed to do was hide her phone behind her propped up iPad. Or, she could text him with her iPad. Whichever method prevented her from getting caught in the end.

Eric stopped sending her text messages with half an hour left of her last class of the day. Not that Lizzie was too worried about that. She knew exactly why he wasn’t responding anymore. During her 1PM class, Lizzie couldn’t help professing to Eric how much she missed him. And after a failed attempt at getting the silly man to send her a picture of his perfect face - he really had the guts to troll her - she demanded to see him before he went to rehearsals later tonight. It was going to kill her not being able to see him until Tuesday afternoon. Eric was just as eager to agree to meet up and left his usual specific instructions where and when to meet. No surprise visits this time around. They only had two hours to spare before they were separated for the rest of the night.

Her 2:45PM class ran over by another five minutes. With only one full month left before the winter holidays, stress was running high among the students worrying at the very last minute for their grades. There was now more participation in class than throughout the entire term. Once they were dismissed for the day, Lizzie was quick to pack her things into her backpack and get out of there. Her handsome love of her life was waiting outside.

Eric was exactly where he said he would be. The moment Lizzie’s eyes fell on him, a wide grin spread across her face and she was practically sprinting down the steps to him. God, she missed him so much. The moment he was in reach, Lizzie rushed into Eric’s waiting arms as if she hadn’t seen him in years. The couple tuts they received from passersby fell on deaf ears as their happy reunion continued.

“So, this is the person responsible for your lack of notetaking today?” came a voice behind Lizzie suddenly. Oh, that’s right. She had company before she practically ditched them for something better. Lizzie pulled away from Eric to turn and look at Anna and Andrew.

“Oh, right! You’ve never met before!” Lizzie commented. She turned to stand beside Eric so that she was facing the other couple now. “Babe, this is Anna and Andrew. They’re the friends I told you got engaged recently?” She looked up at Eric for a moment to check if he remembered. She then continued with, “And this is Eric, my boyfriend~” As she said this, she slipped her hand in his to hold tight.

“Did you eat already?” Lizzie asked Eric after introductions. “We were thinking of grabbing some coffee before we called it a day. I can treat you to one to help you survive rehearsals and work later.” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111318-----------❖ LOCATION — just outside the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

Eric hadn’t originally intended to go to Barking at the crack of dawn, and during the entire trip he was questioning if he had made the right decision. But spending the rest of Sunday morning safe in Lizzie’s arms made it all worth it. So yes, he had chosen correctly in leaving before the sun was up rather than waiting for Lizzie to wake. Imagine if he’d had to say goodbye to her, both knowing where he was headed and then going straight to work afterwards until late in the night. Leaving without telling Lizzie was the right call and he could only hope she had heard the appreciation in his silence.

But his choice in leaving so early had then made his day unnecessarily long. He had woken up before 6am, but then wasn’t officially back in the flat until 1am— technically the next day. His twelve hour days had nothing on that. As such, Monday morning seemed to catch Eric in a moment of weakness. All weekend he had been worked and overworked and barely getting enough sleep to make up for it all. It was true that yesterday after he’d returned from Barking he got to stay in bed with Lizzie for a couple hours before Olivia dragged them out into the real world, but he had still been so drained and utterly exhausted. As such, his resistance to interruptions had dropped and the alarm blaring off Lizzie’s phone woke him when he otherwise would have slept right through the disturbance.

Tired or not, he wasn’t bothered by it as all he could focus on was Lizzie’s grip around him and the pressure of her on his back. The alarm may have woken him but it was Lizzie now who kept him awake as her warm breath tickled against the back of neck that was exposed to the cold air of the room. It sent a shiver through him but put a smile on his face as he pulled just far enough out of her grasp so that he could turn over and face her himself. He then proceeded to quickly close the distance between them so that no warmth could escape. He wanted to be as close as possible, though still able to see her clearly. All he really wanted was to watch her while he could. He was tired, yes. But he knew she would soon leave him so he would fight off the sleep long enough to see her off.

The slightest groan of protest escaped him when he felt Lizzie initiate to get up, or at least he had assumed that’s what she was doing. But he very quickly found himself flat on his back and instead softly moaning under her touch. This was definitely not how he had expected their morning to go but he was certainly not complaining, not in the slightest. Eric’s hand trailed up under her hair to find the back of her neck where he ever so gently ran his fingers through the hair at her nape and intertwined them in her soft brown locks. His other hand had found hers against his own neck and held that in place as well. He so desperately wanted to run his hands across her but she had him squirming beneath her. It was not out of discomfort but rather because he wanted more than anything to be even closer to her if that were at all possible. Eric’s back arched ever so slightly off the bed as she traced his chest under his shirt. Just one more minute, one more minute like this and then he would flip her over and return the favor. He couldn’t be the only one feeling this good right now. This was everything he had wanted last week before they had been so rudely interrupted by—

Eric’s head had tilted giving Lizzie easy access to his neck and so he had been staring up at the shadows dancing on the ceiling but then suddenly his eyes traveled even further back until they squeezed shut. At the same time his whole body seized up, his passionate heavy breaths faltered against her and for the briefest of moments he was no longer in the room with Lizzie. Eric’s mind had taken him several years back to the flash of a suppressed memory. Although it was less of a specific encounter and more so the feelings attached to it.

Was this all she really wanted from him? No—he had wanted her just as much, he did want her. He wanted her so badly it almost hurt. But this was the second time now his body and mind had betrayed him like this. He knew very well that Lizzie meant him no harm. That she loved and cared for him just as he did her. They had literally fought so hard to be together, so why was he still being haunted by his past even now?

This wasn’t Lizzie anymore. For this brief moment this was a woman several years older than her. This woman knew what she wanted and she wouldn’t stand for things to go any other way. She did not wish to feel loved or comforted. No, she wanted to feel dominance, to be in complete control of him. For their time together he was hers but not with any emotional or sentimental attachments. He was little more than a desire, a conquest if you will. She was only interested in what pleasured her and while that in turn made him feel good physically, it was sort of unfair. It was like saying a person enjoyed being tickled simply because they were laughing. It was a response out of their control and here in this bed under her he had no control. She had taken everything from him. He felt sick the way she talked to him, looked at him, and touched him as though he was her property or something. He was just a doll here for her to play with, and she didn’t always play nice—

And just like that Eric had snapped back into the flat in Boundary with Lizzie’s worried expression lit by Ricki’s lamp. He had been gone mere seconds but it dawned on him now as he realized what just happened. While she had slipped out of one of Eric’s hands in her movement, his other hand still held her’s to his neck and he quickly tightened his grip around her fingers. Though whether it was her or himself that he was trying to reassure was unclear. He had rapidly gone through so many emotions in such a short span of time...how on earth was he to explain this to her??

He wouldn’t, that’s how. Lizzie accepted what half truths he offered and with a soft smile he leaned up to kiss her and fix her hair. Eric exhaled slowly; he could feel a sort of calm settling in, but with that calm came a heavy guilt as he felt her weight shift while she got off him to leave the room.

He too got up shortly after and left the room when the time came. It was hard not to think about what had just happened as they went about the rest of their morning, but Eric deeply regretted that he had inadvertently ruined what had been such a wonderful moment between them. Maybe that was why after she left for the day he found himself crawling back into the comfort of her bed. He missed her so badly already and he would do anything to take back what he had done, or hadn’t done...he really hadn’t had any control over himself. He hadn’t even the chance to choose to ignore and push past his pain. Before he knew what was happening it was over, and seeing the look on Lizzie’s face...he knew he needed to tell her before this became a thing between them...but he just couldn’t. How does one go about voicing what was basically consenual sexual assault? Was there even such a thing?? After everything he had told her, he didn’t want to burden her with this as well. It was all too much too soon and in the end Eric decided he would not try to bring it up to her later as he had other issues. He would not clarify this disaster, he would just sweep it under the rug like he was oh so good at and carry on. Next time he wouldn’t let it come between them like this.

At some point he couldn’t focus on it any longer, he had spent his time staring at the new IKEA wardrobe against the wall and it was likely what finally managed to distract his thoughts out of one darkness...and into another. When he had gotten back late last night he had found his clothes had been moved into Lizzie’s room, although they had been piled onto her chair with a few packs of hangers sitting on the desk; she had said she wanted to let him put them away how he wanted them.

How he wanted…
Admittedly Eric was still adjusting to the fact that he lived here now. It wasn’t like it was that big a change. He wasn’t moving into some mansion, and it wasn’t like he had still been on the streets up till now. He had basically been a semi-permanent resident already so the only change was being in the comfort of Lizzie’s bed and that he now had somewhere to properly store his belongings. But still he stared at the wardrobe completely lost in thought.

It was Monday and so he would have all day to himself. It would have been the perfect time to go bring in his stuff and set up this wardrobe how he wanted, just like Lizzie had insisted. But Eric knew why he was so hesitant. He had his troubles and worries and some things went over his head in complexity, but this he understood well enough. It was a familiar feeling to him, one he had struggled with concerning Lizzie for so long. It wasn’t that he didn’t want this wardrobe and it certainly wasn’t that he didn’t want to be living in the flat; it was that he didn’t want to lose it all. It was like naming a stray animal. Once you name it and establish that you care about it, it makes it all that much harder when you’re not allowed to keep it. No matter how Lizzie would disagree with him, he didn’t deserve all this. And it was that poisonous fear that now clung to his heart wasn’t allowing him to personalize this room in any way because he knew it would hurt too much if it was all taken from him. So it was for this reason that after showering his emotional morning away he got dressed but left his remaining clothes where they were and instead took his iPod out into the common room with him. He could not stay in Lizzie’s bed without her any longer, not after a morning like they’d had.

Eric pulled out a couple of his blankets and switched on the TV but after picking a show to watch he found himself thoroughly distracted by texting Lizzie. He felt a little awkward initially after their morning had gone, but his love for her and the strength of his longing quickly overruled any tension he still held from the incident. It felt so weird to be here in the flat all by himself while everyone else was off at work or school. Especially after having just been granted permission to move in. It still felt off. Not in a bad way, but more similar to going on vacation and seeing how amazing your hotel suite is and you can’t believe it’s all yours. You almost don’t feel like you belong there and you’re a little scared to touch anything for fear of disturbing the perfection. But soon enough the room loses its magic and you grow accustomed to it. It was just a matter of time until Eric settled in. It would have felt so much better to have her here with him. In fact that was sort of all he could focus on for the rest of the morning: all he wanted was to be reunited with her. That was probably what had led for him to now be standing on Regent Street eagerly awaiting to see her bobbing ponytail in the crowd of students as the early afternoon classes let out.

The moment he saw her it was as though nothing had happened. Not a single spec of anxiety came out to remind him about his moment from that morning. Instead Eric was blessed with a proper dose of dopamine as his arms wrapped around her at last. It had only been eight hours, but looking at them now you would have thought they hadn’t seen each other in at least a week if not longer.

Eric sort of didn’t know what to do with himself as he found a spotlight being put on him. He had not been prepared to meet anyone. And while it wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he just would have prefered to still be holding Lizzie and ignoring the judgement of passing Brits. So damn these two for keeping her from him. But also, ”Oh right, congratulations!”
He smiled at the couple but beyond that was a little unsure what to do. Should he shake their hands? Or Andrew’s at least? That would have been an appropriate response, right? Not to mention you shake hands when meeting for her first time. But then Lizzie’s hand filled his and calmed his nerves yet again. He found his breath of bravery and went ahead with his introductory handshake plan now that Lizzie had a reassuring grasp on his left hand.

Next came the words he had grown to hate, “Did you eat?” Okay, hate was too strong a word. But it was like Lizzie was adopting Olivia’s years of doting on him. The words themselves weren’t an issue. He didn’t mind knowing someone was looking out for him. A part of him even liked the attention. But the part he “hated” was the context behind it. Was it a question of whether or not he had eaten? Or whether he was able to eat?

He didn’t mean to put such a cynical twist on her words. Eric wanted nothing more than to go sit with her over coffee and croissants, but he couldn’t help but feel a little off about her paying for him. His financial situation aside, no proper Brit would just stand aside and let someone pay for them. He was practically required by unspoken law to refuse to accept, he was supposed to insist that he would pay for himself, or even for the both of them! But Eric found he couldn’t refuse her anymore. They had come so far from their early days when he had been so nervous around her…
You might think that since they were so close now it would be easier for him to speak his mind on the matter, but actually it was just the opposite. He knew he was in no position to be turning down help, and he knew she knew that. And that’s what made this so much harder now. They both cared too much for each other. Whereas back then...it wasn’t that Eric had cared more about himself, but rather he had been so stubbornly set on only allowing her to see the best of him. Which had meant refusing her help or paying their bill in secret.

Was he supposed to do that still? Did that fall under the job description of a boyfriend? He was supposed to be the one treating her out, right? And especially with her asking in a social setting like this. One way or the other, whatever he next said would no doubt affect what her friends thought of him. But it seemed Eric was too weak against that look in Lizzie’s eyes, he could not turn her down or even propose a counteroffer, all he wanted to do was please her.

That was how they ended up sitting all four of them at a small corner table. Lizzie had suggested they go to ABC, and while Eric wasn’t sure if it was out of her preference or that she chose somewhere she knew he was familiar with, he was still happy to be there just the same. Actually he was happy to be anywhere with Lizzie. Their chairs were pushed so close together that their seats practically formed a bench. His arm rested across the back of her chair while the other lifted his coffee to his mouth. Lizzie of course took point as far as leading conversation as she was the mutual here but it wasn’t long before the couple across from them were asking him questions directly. It was refreshing actually to talk to people who didn’t want something from him. At work it was all tourists and guests, the troupe always needed him for something and even the others at the flat usually gave off this feeling of “looking for an answer”. But something about Anna and Andrew came off as being genuinely interested in getting to know him— which had its own obvious issues, but honestly Eric had given out these half truth answers for so long now it came as second nature. There was only one part that made Eric want to curl up and die for a moment. From embarrassment that is. It was while he was crossing back to the table after using the restroom and overheard Anna talking about how intensely he kept watching Lizzie. How it was so obvious he was really into her and how perfect they seemed for each other. Eric took a detour then to avoid it being obvious that he had heard them talking.

But Eric’s good times truly were always cut short. If the deep kiss he gave her wasn’t obvious enough, Eric had a hard time saying goodbye when it came time to leave for rehearsal. He wouldn’t see her until late tomorrow afternoon and while he had decided not to bring up what had happened that morning he still had this lingering feeling like he was supposed to say something. He just felt bad. Really bad actually. He felt like he owed her his millionth apology. But no such words came, only words of love and he then watched till she disappeared from view. Should he have said something?

While he had grown used to sneaking off to text Lizzie during his day shifts, his overnights were a different matter. He was able to keep his iPod with him while he sat posted at his concierge desk. Of course he wasn’t supposed to have it with him but it was the middle of the night, who would even notice? But the downside to this freedom was that Lizzie eventually went to bed leaving him bored, sad, and lonely for hours until the sun was up. When at last he saw his iPod flash to life he jumped to grab it and read the message but it was safe to say he was pretty upset at the contents. It was a text from Olivia saying that he should bring his car by the flat after work so that he could bring his stuff in. It was written as a suggestion but Eric could hear the threatening tone her voice must have taken when she wrote it. Not to mention she had turned it into a group text by adding Lizzie, likely to hold him accountable since he couldn’t seem to turn her down.

Did he have to? He was in the middle of typing up a “maybe later” response when Lizzie beat him to it and insisted that he wait till she got home later to actually bring anything in so that she could help. She had added a few too many exclamation points….so now not only was he expected to bring his car around but Lizzie was eagerly looking forward to helping him and there would be no delaying this any farther.

Going to get the car added an extra forty five minutes to his commute back to the flat. Thirty minute walk to his car from the Boundary station and then fifteen minute drive back. It was only supposed to be about a ten minute drive but Eric managed to hit every red light on his return. It’s safe to say he was exhausted, as usual, by the time he got back. He had now been awake since….Monday morning— early Monday morning and well over twenty four hours ago. Without even changing he promptly set up his old bed on the couch and was out almost instantly.

Yes Lizzie’s room would have been warmer, and darker, and comfier...but Eric hadn’t been able to push past a mutated version of his previous feelings of not belonging. This time was less focused on him not belonging or being deserving of the flat and rather it was more simply just that Lizzie wasn’t here. He could physically feel that emptiness beside him just by being in the flat, he didn’t dare try to experience how bad it would be if he got into her bed without her.

When Eric finally came back to life he rolled over to see— nothing. He was alone in the common room. After waking up everyday to seeing Lizzie’s face it was hard to hide his disappointment now. There was an unread text message though saying she was on her way back and that had been about an hour ago so she must be here, ”Lizzie?”
No response when he called out to her. Eric pulled back his blankets to venture out into the hall and quickly noticed that the door to her room was slightly ajar. A smile grew as he approached but just as he reached out to knock and make his presence known he heard her speak in complete sentences as though she were talking to someone. But when he didn’t hear any response he deduced that she had to be on the phone rather than another member of the flat being in there with her.

He was quick to quietly hightail it out of there, as much as he missed her he didn’t want to disturb her. What if she was talking with someone about work? Or calling someone from back home? He would hate to be the reason an important conversation got cut short. Eric instead opted to shower which in turn helped him wake up more from his overnight daze.

After he was cleaned up and refreshed he finally got the too-tight-to-breathe hug he had been looking forward to. It was Lizzie’s idea to help him blowdry his hair some to help warm up but it wasn’t long after that he found himself standing outside alongside Lizzie as they stared into the abyss that was his mother’s car.

Boxes upon boxes with clothes strewn about. A stack of notebooks occupied the floor on the front passenger’s side. There were books that had been taken out of boxes and never returned to them. Framed artwork and photos. He kept his vinyls out of immediate view but he had a hefty collection they would have to bring inside. There were some kitchen items, mostly in boxes but honestly it seemed like even if something had a box there were still things that had ended up loose in the car. And then somewhere in this mess of chaos were a few childhood stuffed animals and a box of his mother’s belongings. Some of her things had ended up mixed into other boxes just from his frantic packing all those years ago, but everything most important was all in one box and it was the only box that had been taped shut as opposed to folding the four flaps in to close a box. Eric swallowed the lump in his throat as he dreaded the thought of uncovering that box. It wasn’t like there was much inside of it, but also that knowledge didn’t help much. Imagine...to have the sum of your life amount to being able to fit in a cardboard box…surely that spoke volumes about a person. She really hadn’t left much behind. Just him.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111318-----------❖ LOCATION — common room-----------❖ COMPANY — eric and olivia
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

It was concerning to find the bedroom exactly as she left it that morning when she got home from work. Lizzie expected to find Eric home by now and fast asleep in his attempt to recover from rehearsals and his overnight shift. And yet, as she stood at the open door to her bedroom, her bed was without an Eric in it. In fact, it was not just her bed that looked the same as it had when she left for work this morning, everything else remained untouched as well. This included the pile of clothes still stacked up on her desk chair and the set of hangers Olivia brought home yesterday. Did Eric not come home this morning? As she pulled out her phone ready to text Eric, she left her room to check the common room. It only took one glance at the longer couch for her to put her phone away.

Damnit, Olivia was right. Lizzie shook her head and sighed, taking in the sight of Eric fast asleep on the couch under a pile of his old blankets. Was it so bad to sleep in her room without her? Wait, no, it was not just her room anymore. It was their room. So why did Eric decide to take the extra ten or so steps to sleep on the couch instead? Guess it was a good idea after all that Olivia bought him a new blanket for his birthday gift.

Oh well, the damage was done. It would benefit no one to wake up Eric now just because he wasn’t sleeping on a bed. After taking a picture of the sleeping Eric to send as her snapstreak contribution to JKL for the day, she returned to her room to drop her things off and change out of her work clothes.

Eric was still fast asleep when she returned to the common room in warm, comfortable at-home clothes and her manuscript in her arms. Monday night must have taken a toll on him. She decided then to camp out in the kitchen to finish her work for her internship. Just so that Eric could get as much sleep as possible before they went to work bringing his things inside.

She only read through a couple chapters before she was forced away from the productive life at the kitchen island. No, Eric didn’t wake up and activate girlfriend mode. No, JKL wasn’t calling her to catch up. In fact, the four of them haven’t really spoken all together since the disagreement between Lizzie and Jade. Any communication between Lizzie and Jade was mostly kept to keeping their 728 day snapsteak alive. What pulled her away from work honestly made her wish it was either of the two when she looked at the name displayed on her phone screen.

“So I’ve been given the task of asking you for packing details,” was the first thing Izzy said when Lizzie answered the phone. Not even a “hi, how’s London.” For someone that didn’t even have a job like the rest of the Darcy family, her older sister acted like she didn’t have the time to chit chat. Okay, that was technically true, but still Lizzie would have appreciated a hello.

With everything that’s been going on with her and Eric, Lizzie was ashamed to admit that it completely slipped her mind that her family would be flying to London at the end of the week. It also didn’t help that despite the two week notice - which was sent while she was very busy in Paris, by the way - her father and sisters updated her sporadically and during times when she was either sleeping or too busy to answer a call, text or email. Thanks, fam.

Lizzie gathered up her manuscript and laptop in the kitchen to take the call in her room. She didn’t want to wake Eric just yet. Much of the phone call with Izzy revolved around the upcoming trip. Lizzie updated her sister on the prospective weather forecast for next week, but made sure to warn them to at least pack coats and the like to prepare them for rain. England is an island country after all and it was now fall. Despite the weather forecast predicting sunny and clear skies, the chance of rain was always there. It also went without saying - but Lizzie said it anyways - it’s cold in England, very cold.

“You think we won’t have enough space in our suitcases for shopping?” Izzy asked after a long pause. She was probably writing these notes down for the rest of the family later.

Lizzie shrugged out of habit. “I mean, if you can, like, find one good coat to wear then that’s sure to give you some space. Do you guys plan on doing a lot of shopping or something while you’re here?”

“I know Mary wants to while you’re, like, busy at school and stuff. She was talking about going to Harrods or something,” Izzy answered. Lizzie used this opportunity to get the full itinerary out of her sister. The last time she spoke to anyone in her family about the upcoming trip, it was all through an email from Jane when she sent over their flight itinerary. The most Lizzie got out of that was a confirmation that they would be dropping by the flat next Sunday. Which so happens to also be Eric’s birthday.

Speaking of Eric….

The moment Lizzie and her sister got through the business of the upcoming trip, Izzy was quick to ask for any updates on the “cute guy with the long hair.” Lizzie was fairly certain she mentioned Eric’s name to her sisters before, but oh well. Apparently the other sisters have been curious too, but it was only Izzy that checked Instagram enough to ask the proper questions. She answered these questions to the best of her ability without giving away too much of what she really knew about Eric. Yes, she and Eric are officially dating. No, this was not some rebound thing to get over Brandon. Yes, they’ve gone out plenty of times before they agreed to start dating. No, this was not some study abroad romance; this was the real deal. Yes, she was not afraid to admit that she’s fallen in love with Eric. No...they have not had sex yet.

“Have you told Daddy about him yet?” Izzy asked.

“Have you?” Lizzie asked back.

Izzy laughed. “Nah, not even Mary wants to tell him yet. And you already know Jane and Emma have their own lives to worry about to consider telling him about their baby sister’s new boyfriend.” Lizzie shook her head while her sister laughed again. “That being said, we are all wondering if we’ll get to meet him while we’re there...even if Daddy doesn’t.”

That was a good question that Lizzie did not have the answer to. She looked over at the door. She wasn’t expecting to see Eric from her spot, of course. But the general knowledge that he was in the common room was enough to get her mind thinking about the possibility of having him meet her family, even if it was just her sisters. Would he even want to meet them? Was it too soon to meet them?

“Uh, we’ll see. I haven’t told him that you guys are visiting yet,” Lizzie finally admitted. “Honestly, I think it’s, like, too early to even consider introducing him to you guys? We just decided to start dating last week.”

“Okay, but, like, when do you think we’ll get another chance to meet him in person? Come on, this is basically fate. Daddy, Jane and Emma have been planning this trip since you left. You make things official with the guy you’ve been talking to right before we get there.” Izzy scoffed, followed by what Lizzie could only guess was her sister slapping her hand against some other part of her body. “You are basically asking for him to meet us! And, you just said yourself that this is serious. That merits a meet up.” Lizzie sighed as propped up her leg to rest her head on her knee. “Don’t give me that, you know it’s true. And come on, if Emma meets him and thinks he’s cool, you know that gives him immediate brownie points with Daddy when he finds out.”

“Is there really no way I can get out of this? What if he doesn’t want to? I’m not trying to scare my boyfriend away just because my nosy sister wants to play a game of 20 Questions.” Izzy was adamant that there was no way out of this. “But what if he can’t find the time to meet up? He has his own life, you know.”

Izzy scoffed. “Please. If there is anything we’ve learned from Owen, if he reallyyyy cares about you, he’ll make that time.”

Lizzie buried her head into the palm of her hand. Her sister was just too much. Why couldn’t she talk to Mary or Emma about this? Hell, she was certain she could reason with Jane if push came to shove. “Iz, need I remind you we didn’t meet Owen until a year after he and Emma started dating? One week is not the equivalent of one year!”

“It so is when you’re on the other side of the country and the Atlantic with an expiration date!” Lizzie sighed, suddenly feeling so tired by all this. “Oh my, God! Just ask him! I bet he’ll drop everything to do this. Don’t you want us to meet him? Is he so bad you want to keep him such a secret?” Wow, Izzy. Way to amp up the secret keeping guilt to ten. Lizzie was still preoccupied with the fact that she hadn’t told Izzy about Eric moving in when her sister added, “You said it yourself this was serious. And yet you’re making it seem like it’s more a casual thing.”

Lizzie pretty much lost count of how many times she sighed in this phone conversation. Izzy was just too much. “I’ll see what I can do. But if he says no, it’s not because I didn’t try or because he isn’t trying. He’s busy enough as it is right now and I don’t need the threat of meeting you to add more stress into his life.”

Now Lizzie definitely needed to tell Eric about her family’s upcoming visit. This was honestly a confusing mix of feelings to think about. On the one hand, she would be thrilled if Eric got to meet her family. She hated to admit it, but Izzy did have a bit of a point. Timing, no matter how short, was working in her favor. Eric was one of the most important people in her life and it would mean a lot to her if her family - even just her sisters - got to meet him in person; see how amazing and perfect he was with their own eyes. But, on the other hand, was it too soon? After everything she learned about him and how it influenced his own insecurities about their relationship right now, would meeting her family only scare him away? She’s been through all this before with Brandon. And she’s been on the other side of the “meet the fam” meeting plenty of times before that. She knows just how intense the Darcy sisters can be on their own.

This was a lot to think about, but not now. Lizzie heard a door open outside her bedroom and she quickly jumped out of bed to investigate. An instant grin spread across her face as she watched Eric exit the bathroom looking wide awake. Even with damp hair and comfy at-home clothes, he never failed to make her heartbeat quicken at the very sight of him.

Telling him about her family would have to wait. Right now they had other more important matters to attend to.

It still baffled her that his entire life fit in that small car. In fact, Lizzie was certain it was much smaller compared to when she first saw it last month. It was just...there was no way everything he owned was in that car.

Lizzie didn’t know what to expect when Eric opened the trunk. Earlier that morning, Lizzie was excited at the prospect of helping her boyfriend move in. She thought it would be a cute activity for them to do together. It wasn’t until this very moment that she realized she completely overlooked the reality of the situation. Yes, she was helping him move into the flat, but she was also helping him move out of his previous living situation. As the door to the trunk was pulled open, Lizzie sucked in a breath to try and forget that up until this very moment, Eric lived in this very small car for the last five years.

After the first round of boxes, Lizzie and Eric fell into a pattern of taking turns grabbing what they could from the car while the other carried what they got into the flat. After she struggled to carry her first box from the trunk to the flat - it was heavier than she initially thought - Lizzie was put in charge of clearing up what she could from inside the car itself. What honestly shocked her the most was the just overflow of notebooks that cluttered the entire floor of the front passenger seat. She wondered if all of them were as filled up as the couple notebooks she got to peek at months ago. It took her a couple trips to clear up the notebooks and bring them inside before she tackled the backseat. Luckily, since it looked like this was where he slept, it wasn’t as cluttered. Just more notebooks and whatever got pulled from the boxes in the trunk over the years. The last thing she brought into the flat after clearing up the inside of Eric’s car was his guitar. After fishing out the guitar stand from one of the boxes Eric pointed out, she carried the guitar case back to their room and set up the stand right next to her bedside table. If he wanted to play in the common room, he would need to go into their room and get it himself.

“Are there any more things left in the trunk?” Lizzie asked as she passed Eric on the way back from inside the flat. However, she didn’t pause to wait for a response. A quick glance at the still open trunk told her enough. Either he still had things to get or his hands were too full to close the trunk himself.

The answer was the former. There were a couple boxes left to be brought into the flat. Both of them were wedged into the very back of the trunk and required her to climb in to grab. She immediately gravitated toward the smaller box that was taped closed thinking it would be lighter than the bigger one. And her guess was right. As she tugged the box closer, she could feel how light it was. In fact, it even sounded like the box wasn’t completely full. And yet, it was taped up. Maybe there were some important things inside that needed to be protected?

When she climbed out of the trunk with the box in her arms, Lizzie turned to find Eric standing practically frozen on the spot. He had a strange look on his face that caused Lizzie some concern. “Babe, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost...” she asked.

Without even answering her question, Eric was quick to ask her to put the box back in the car. She blinked, confusion spreading across her face. The box? This box? The box that she was currently carrying? She looked down at it as if the answers to his sudden shift in attitude would be right on the taped up flap. There wasn’t. Not even a scribble.

She then looked back up to Eric. “Are you sure? We’re, like, so close to completely clearing the car.”

Eric again told her to put the box back. The last remnants of the smile from earlier disappeared from the corners of Lizzie’s lips. It was a subtle, easy to miss moment, but Lizzie caught it. His voice still carried the sadness from the first time he asked her, but the tone also sharpened. Had she known better, she would have thought that he just snapped at her for something she apparently did. However, she was too nervous to ask if that was really the case.

“Okay...I’m sorry.” Lizzie turned back to the trunk and returned the box where she found it. She then grabbed the “last” box and pulled it out by holding onto one of the flaps. “Can you take this one? It’s kinda heavy….” As Eric approached to grab the box, she took a couple steps back and quietly watched. Once he had it in his arms, she waited for him to step away from the car so that she could close the trunk for him. The last thing she saw was the taped up box all alone in the back corner of the trunk. It was almost as if it was placed there with the intention to be forgotten.

Once everything was brought into the flat, Lizzie finally got a clear image of how much Eric actually possessed. It was both a lot and not a lot and she could not figure out how exactly to react. The last time she saw this much belonging to one person was herself after living in the dorms her first year. And back then, it was only a quarter of her possessions. It was hard to believe that the sum of Eric’s possessions was only a fraction of what she owned both here in England and back home in LA. If she still needed proof about Eric’s past, this was the best one yet.

After the incident earlier with the taped up box, Lizzie let Eric take the lead in the next task: organizing his things to determine what he would move into the flat officially and what would be stored in the attic. They were in the middle of a discussion regarding where to put his notebooks when Olivia came home. Lizzie was truly glad to see her. Maybe now that Olivia was here to help, the atmosphere between her and Eric would lighten up some.

“Oof...my back is killing me. I need to take a break,” Olivia complained. She groaned as she stood up from the floor away from the box of kitchenware she was just rummaging through. “I’m going to order some food.”

As Olivia scrolled through her phone to order them all food, she suddenly called out to Eric. “By the way,” she began while never once looking away from her phone, “Have you put the Google Calendar app on the iPod yet?” The look on Eric’s face told her enough. “Lizzie, can you help him set it up so he can put his schedule on the flat’s calendar? I’ll send the invite after I finish this.”

Lizzie looked up at Olivia then Eric after skimming the back of one of his books. Admittedly, since Olivia got home she sort of distanced herself from the two and only contributed when it was obvious her input was needed. This would be the first time in over an hour that she would talk to Eric one on one without Olivia there as mediator. After clearing her throat, she put the book down on the pile next to her then stood up to walk over to Eric.

Helping Eric set up the Google Calendar app on his iPod wasn’t the hard part. He wasn’t completely oblivious to technology. After resetting his password for his Apple ID, she watched and waited for the app to download. The first step after loading up the app was setting him up from the invite email Olivia sent. Lizzie had to make sure that it showed up with the other calendars that were automatically checkmarked when the app was downloaded. As soon as the flat calendar appeared on the screen, the hard part began: explaining how the flat calendar worked.

After almost three months living in the flat, the dynamics of the flat calendar were almost second nature to Lizzie. Not to mention she was already used to using Google Calendar before moving to London so she always knew what she was looking for. Now it was all a matter of passing down the knowledge she learned to someone new. The key to Lizzie’s lesson was the color coordination. She told Eric which color belonged to which flatmate and that Tomato was for events involving the entire flat (i.e. flat meetings or Flat Night). She suggested that he set up a list in his Notes app for the time being until he had them all memorized.

It was while she told him that he should pick his color for his schedule that she noticed next Sunday’s schedule was up on the screen. Lizzie could probably guess why Eric was so curious about next Sunday. From the Month View, Lizzie’s assigned color was typically missing except for when she made plans notable for the flat to know. It was her day off after all. So naturally, it must have been curious to Eric to find she has plans this coming Sunday.

Lizzie was staring at “Fam Visiting Flat” when she caught Eric turning to look at her from her peripheral. “Oh, right, I don’t think I’ve told you yet…” she said slowly. “My, um, my family is coming to visit...the flat, I mean. It’s American Thanksgiving next week and since I’m busy with school and work and can’t fly home for the holiday, they’ve decided to come to London so I can celebrate with them.” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111318-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

Despite knowing the box was there, despite expecting to come across it at any moment and despite having seen it but chosen to walk away, the feeling that hit him when he saw Lizzie holding it would stay with him for the rest of the night. He couldn't shake it no matter how hard he tried to focus on the task at hand of sorting and unpacking. He had thought he would be ready to face it, it had been five years after all and it’s not like he had to open it and actually go through the contents. But seeing Lizzie standing there so oblivious to what she held….seeing the box after all this time….he wasn’t ready.

It left a heaviness in his chest. It wasn’t exactly painful, not yet at least. It was just...so heavy, stifling, suffocating...like someone was sitting directly on him and it became so difficult to take a full breath. Unlike everything that related to Lizzie, this particular feeling wasn’t new to him in the slightest and he knew it would subside with time. But how much time? He didn’t know. He had come a long way since he lay his mother to rest but it hadn’t exactly been a positive growth. He wasn’t moving on with acceptance, he was moving on by ignoring it. The longer he went without thinking about it the easier each day was. But then when something did hit him, it hit him hard and stuck with him. He had gotten through telling Lizzie about his childhood and mentioning his mother had died. He would have been fine if he was just getting over that, but then seeing that woman in Barking wearing his mother’s robe. That had just been too real. It was one thing to distance himself and tell a story, it was another to first hand experience something he was trying so hard to stay away from and forget. Lizzie had remedied the traumatic encounter exactly how he needed her to. She hadn’t asked about it and she didn’t try to overly cheer him up in any way. She just accepted that he wasn’t okay in that moment and held him all morning until he had calmed down— well technically until Olivia barged in on them.

It had been such a relief to just be with her after that and her presence alone soothed the hurt away, but that wasn’t working this time. Why? She had done as he asked and put the box away. She hadn’t inquired as to why or made a single attempt to bring it up afterwards, just like when he had gotten back from Barking. But it was different this time. Eric wasn’t sure if it was just the pressure on his heart but he could have sworn he felt almost a distance between them. Whereas last time Barking just melted away under her touch, now it just kept jabbing him with reminders. Was it because she wasn’t holding him? She hadn’t left though, they were still sitting together going through all his belongings. Had he upset her again? Was this her choosing to not turn this into an ordeal between them when really she wanted to speak her mind? Or maybe there wasn’t anything going on and it was all just in his head. Maybe this painful numbing sensation his mother left him with was clouding his thoughts and judgement and he was seeing things that weren’t really there. Maybe he was just trying to find an out; something else to blame for why he felt so awful instead of accepting that he just kept putting himself in these positions over and over again. Maybe it was easier to say that there was an issue between him and Lizzie right now than it was to admit how much pain his mother still put him in even five years after she had abandoned him.

It didn’t get any easier when Olivia eventually showed up. The only difference was that she wasn’t turned off by whatever it was in the air making things weird. If it was in fact weird to begin with. Maybe it wasn’t since Olivia was acting like nothing was wrong. But then again this was Olivia and she probably had at least an inkling that clearing out his car had been no easy task. His mother aside, this was his entire life laid out before them, it was a lot to think about and so many memories to go through.

Olivia had a lot of “You still have this?” and “I remember this!” moments as the two best friends made progress through boxes while Lizzie busied herself with another. Eric kept finding himself glancing over to his love but couldn’t seem to find the words he needed to say. Was she mad at him again? Had he let her down again? It was eating away at him and honestly making it hard to concentrate on the task at hand.

By the time Olivia declared she was taking a break, all three of them were working on different boxes with Eric’s being sort of random. He had made pretty good progress on it. All that was left were a couple candles, a small bedside table alarm clock that would need new batteries if he kept it, pens that had yet to be determined if they still worked, some loose cassette tapes with no case or label to clarify what they were, and a bible that had seen better days. It was mostly miscellaneous things that had been shoved into the box when he packed but didn’t necessarily have any place in his life. He had never imagined he’d live in the car for five years so he had brought just about everything he could. Now looking at it all it was clear somethings had to be let go. He was just so sentimental over everything. He clung so desperately to everything from his past while trying equally hard to leave it behind: thus creating Eric the hoarder.

Even though his feelings were all crisscrossed and tangled he was still thankful when Lizzie returned to his side. He still didn’t know if she was truly mad at him or if it was all in his head but he welcomed the distraction from weeding through his past— Olivia wasn’t the only one who needed a break. He loved having her at his side, her words solely for him and their fingers brushing everytime the iPod was passed back and forth.

Lizzie had instructed him to pick a color and while he didn’t exactly know what his options were yet he took the moment to skim the colorful calendar and take note of what colors weren’t available for him to use. Honestly there was a lot going on in this calendar. There were already seven colors in use from five people plus one for the flat and then the calendar default for holidays. School schedules, work schedules, personal plans, flat plans, the calendar was extremely colorful already without his own hectic life. He was able to clearly see everyone’s routines though, it was all fairly consistent with the exception of the light blue color that he recalled Lizzie had mentioned belonged to Angel. That made sense, Angel’s job had frequent trips and the freedom to work from home so while it was a very stable job it still held a level of unpredictability— just like Angel himself. There was one anomaly that stood out in particular to him though. Obviously when Lizzie had said that she was the dark red— Radicchio as she had specified— he had paid close attention to it despite already knowing her schedule fairly well. And so he noticed that in the coming two weeks, starting this Sunday, she looked particularly busy. Sunday was labeled with something regarding “fam”, and following that most of the other days had something mentioning “fam” as well. What was fam?
”You’re busy this Sunday, love?” As he spoke Eric finally pulled his eyes away from the calendar to look over to her as he awaited her answer.

When she did speak up he honestly wasn't sure how to respond. He knew he should be happy and excited for her to get to see her family. She clearly loved them so much, and they loved her so much if they were flying around the world to see her. But it was that very reason that made it difficult for Eric. It wasn't that he was upset her family was coming. He just didn't understand how she felt because it wasn't a feeling he had ever experienced before and it felt so foreign to him. While arguably yes, he loved his mother very much, he didn’t hold that same connection that the Darcy family did. His mother had never been there to support him and neither had any of his extended family. He just couldn’t wrap his head around this being that big a deal. Her entire family was flying to London to celebrate a holiday with her. It wasn’t like this was a family reunion where everyone travels somewhere to meet. This was all of them coming to her. It was a big deal. But why? Why would they do something like that for her? Why was Thanksgiving so important that they would do this? It’s not like it was her graduation or something that they could only experience once. It was just a holiday, they happen every year.

”Oh,” He was still juggling his thoughts on this news but he couldn’t leave the silence any longer. Why was he putting so much thought and effort into all this? It really wasn’t that complicated. Family was coming to see Lizzie, so Lizzie would be busy. But even still this twisted jealousy began to form deep in his heart; was it her or her family he was jealous over?
”And actually…” Actually she was wondering if he would be willing to meet them— she was quick to clarify that her sisters were forcing her to ask because they wanted to meet him, ”Uhm...I dunno? Would your dad— “ Lizzie had cut him off for another clarification that Daddy wouldn’t be there, she just wanted him to meet her sisters, ”If you’re up for it?”

Okay so her father wouldn’t be part of this meeting she was inviting him to. But that barely made a dent in the ball of stress that had formed within him. Lizzie had four sisters and he had heard quite a lot about them all. In fact Eric almost felt like he already knew her whole family just from how she spoke of them.

While he struggled to understand or relate to the familial love aspect of this whole thing, Eric was well aware of the importance that “meeting the family” played in relationships. Wasn’t this a little soon? But Lizzie had pointed out in her explanation that since they lived in California, and he in London, it would be hard if not impossible to predict when they would get another chance like this. But along with this “importance” Eric also knew this was expected to be his moment to prove himself. To show her father family that he was the the one for Lizzie. That knowledge only circled Eric back to a toxic place though. Lizzie was the one for him, but what did he have to offer her? How was he supposed to show her family that he was the strong, dependable, financially stable boyfriend that would take care of her? He was none of that, at least not in the eyes of anyone other than Lizzie. He knew she loved him all the same, but what would her family think about him? Actually, what had she even told them about him? Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. If you had asked him yesterday he would have said he wanted to meet her family, but now that he was actually presented with the very real opportunity? No...definitely not. This was too much.

Don’t be fooled by the amount of thoughts that ran through Eric’s head. They had all zipped past him at lightspeed and he actually responded entirely too fast just a breath after Lizzie had finished speaking, ”Sure,” Lizzie seemed just as surprised as he was at his immediate answer but her joy quickly took over and confirmed to Eric that he was making the right choice, ”I’d love to.” Despite his zero hesitation answer they still sat to discuss a little more in depth and work out some specifics. They were nearing a clear end to their conversation about her family by now. Typical Eric almost had a change of heart when the reality started setting in but after expressing some borderline panic level concerns Lizzie managed to talk him back into the game.

Eric had completely lost interest in the miscellaneous box he’d been working on earlier and pushed it away to pull another closer, ”Did you go through this one yet?” That was a no, no one had gone through this box yet so there was no telling what was inside but it felt pretty heavy. With Lizzie still at his side now he carefully undid the folded flaps to reveal….more books. But not just any books. Right smack on top was a paperback edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. And when he picked it up, beneath it was The Goblet of Fire. Okay so clearly he hadn’t packed them in any sort of order, but his entire collection was here in this box. They were all paperbacks, reason being that he simply couldn’t afford the beautiful hardcovers when these books had all been released and he never saw reason to replace them later when he had the money. Why get brand new ones when he had these? Sure some of them looked a little beat up and the corners were all bent from dog earring them to keep his place, but these were the books that he first traveled to Hogwarts with. These were the ones he spent hours disappearing into to escape his home life. These books had so many stories to them that stretched well beyond the words on the pages within.

It was suffice to say that once Harry Potter entered their bubble they lost any and all remaining motivation to be productive as their attention completely shifted to focus on the wizarding world they had grown to love. And that was where they stayed until Olivia announced that it was time to eat. Finally! Eric was absolutely famished by now but an all too familiar sense of tiredness was setting in as they all sat to take their well deserved dinner break, ”Uhm,” he looked over to Olivia before he continued, ”Do you think we could stop for the day?”

They had made good progress but this was so draining. Thankfully she agreed, it was getting late and everyone else would be getting home soon. Obviously he was moving in, it wasn’t a problem for the others to see his stuff. But they were sort of taking up most of the common room and kitchen and it would be nice if everyone could come home and relax rather than having to experience stepping over everything. They had succeeded in dealing with the most important things which were his clothes and notebooks mostly. Those were the things he would actively need the most, the rest was a matter of sorting into toss and keep piles and then repacking the keep items and storing them in the attic until they were either needed, wanted, or had been given a proper place to store them in the flat. For instance, the majority of his books and cookware had ended up in keep piles and stored in the attic. He didn’t have the time to be reading but books are keepsakes and timeless. There would come a day when he would live somewhere that they could be properly displayed. That was the similar thought process for the cookware he’d saved. The flat already had most if not all of it ever since Malcolm moved in, and Olivia argued that she’d rather he keep his stored away for his own use in the future than let it get used and abused in the flat’s kitchen. Eric had countered that it’s not like his stuff was in pristine condition to begin with but sure enough Olivia won, ”One day you’re going to move into an empty flat and the last thing you should be doing is spending a fortune on this stuff if you already have it all. It’s going in the attic.” And so his assorted kitchen items were safely packed away in the attic for future use when Eric was at a point in his life to need them.

Even though they were calling it quits on dealing with the rest of Eric’s boxes for today, they still had a couple tasks to complete before they could truly retire for the evening. Well, Eric and Lizzie had things to do. Olivia had done what she could for now. After all the remaining boxes had been taken up to the attic and anything to be trashed was in the bin outside, the next stop for the couple was the laundry room. The very first thing they had tackled was washing all of Eric’s remaining clothes and blankets that had been in his car so it was now time to take the first load into Lizzie’s room to put away and swap the second from the washer to the dryer. Eric was now faced with the task he had been avoiding: finally putting away all his clothes into the new wardrobe in Lizzie’s room— their room...this was going to take some getting used to.

While the boxes had been a group effort, putting away his clothes was a fairly solo activity with the only real help Lizzie could do being to pre-hang his shirts while he sorted out the other items. Seeing as how his clothes still occupied her desk, Lizzie’s options were to sit on her bed while he worked or to go back to the now clean common room to keep busy until he was done. But much to Eric’s delight she set herself up on her bed to stay in the room with him. It took a while for them to really get to work though, neither seemed to be able to stay focused on their task for long without initiating conversation with the other. And then even when they were just talking they failed to “walk and talk”, multi tasking skill level 0. They just wanted to stare at each other when they spoke. And not to mention the occasional show and tell of going through Eric’s clothes now that he truly had all of them in one place. There were some shirts Lizzie hadn’t seen yet and Eric pausing to ask for suggestions for how to store the rest of his items with the storage spaces he had to work with. But eventually they found their individual grooves and the room fell quiet while they left the other to work in peace.

Unfortunately for Lizzie though, this peace didn’t last long. Seeing as how the theme of this work party had been to set up Eric’s wardrobe, and Lizzie had helped him here and there along the way, Eric obviously finished first. When at last the final item, Lizzie’s purple sweater, was hung and his blankets were clean, dry, folded and ready to be returned to his car(for cold driving days of course, he wasn’t to ever sleep in there again), Eric turned to gaze over at Lizzie as though contemplating what to do next. Her eyes were trained on the papers in her hand and it seemed she hadn’t noticed he was done. He knew he should let her work, he knew he should just find something to do in the meantime, but Lizzie was Eric’s weakness and he had no control when it came to her. The weirdness and up and downs that had followed after the box incident were driving him crazy by now. Not so much that he was still overthinking it all, but he just missed her. So. Much. He missed her giggle, her smile, that look in her eyes reserved only for him. He missed her touch and presence at his side, like directly at his side, like shoulder to shoulder if they were anywhere near the same height. He missed her tracing her fingers through his hair and then in turn when he would get an accidental ponytail whip when she turned too fast. There was no point in reminding Eric that none of those things had stopped. She had never left him the entire time ever since he woke up hours ago. She never stopped looking at him. The physical contact was still there. The time spent in their room had brought back the giggles especially when she would insist on seeing him wear a specific shirt before he put it away. Literally nothing had changed but Eric was still left with this...not emptiness, that wasn’t the right word. It wasn’t as sad as that. But it just felt like something was missing and so without giving it much thought he crossed the room to where she sat on her bed.

He climbed up onto the edge of the bed as though he were going to crawl over her to his side, only he didn’t. Instead on hands and knees he crawled up her side, directly over her until he reached her lap with no signs of slowing down. Lizzie had realized a little too late just exactly what was happening and had very little time to grab everything off her lap and hold it up and out as far away as she could to keep them from getting crumpled while Eric very quickly placed himself in the way of her work and planted a kiss on her cheek, ”Are you almost done?” His voice was low, the intention hard to miss in it. But he didn’t exactly wait for an answer as he lowered himself to lay down over her, wrapped his arms under her and rolled over to pull her close. Lizzie still held onto her papers, trying to keep them safe while she lightly protested telling him to stop. If she had truly meant it Eric would have. But he could hear the laugh in her voice and was far too love drunk to stop now. His arm being much longer than hers reached out, his hand running along her arm till it found her hand and took the papers from her all the while he had brought them face to face to kiss her once on the lips now, ”Mm— no…” And then a second deeper one after succeeding in pulling the papers away and discarding them on the other side of the bed as far as he could reach to keep them safe from their antics.

It didn’t take too long for them to cool off and settle into a comfortable cuddle position on her bed— their bed. The kisses had slowed, less frequent or needy in nature but still conveying their love all the same. Eric lay on his side facing her, his arm outstretched under her neck while his other casually draped over her small frame. He was enjoying the moment, just taking advantage of the lull between them to stare at her but it wasn’t long before the wheels started turning in his head. The mind is a dangerous thing and that was especially so in the case of Eric Oliver while going through the experiences of his first true romance. He was forever wondering what the ‘right thing to do’ was. Should he apologize now for that weirdness that had come up at the car? Or should he be using this moment to thank her for helping him with everything today?

”Thank you,” It seemed he didn’t need to say what for. She smiled back in understanding and maybe he should have just left it at that but he couldn’t stop himself from the word vomit that was threatening to come out. Eric’s hand left her body now to find her hand on the side of his face where he slipped his in between and then closed his fingers so they interlaced with her’s and pulled their hands down to rest in between them for the moment. Her fingers on his skin and in his hair felt amazing and were far too distracting; while holding her hand gave him the strength and sense of security he needed to get through the difficult stuff.

”I’m sorry love…” His voice had lost strength and went soft as he started yet another apology. His grip gently tightened while his thumb ran across the back of her hand, ”...for earlier. I— “ He broke eye contact, his head tilting ever so slightly down, ”Uhm…” His heart rate had quickened at the impending subject matter, this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about and he could feel his throat closing in on itself. If he had any tears left to cry then maybe they would’ve brought a watery glaze to his eyes, but as it was Eric was just too numb for that. Too used to taking the beatings life gave him without complaint. His voice broke when he started but Eric pushed on to try and get his next explanation out before he lost the courage to do so, ”—Mum’s things were in that box and I don’t want them—”

He took a sharp inhale to force himself to continue before Lizzie could interject, ”—I don’t want her here,” Eric braved a glance back up at her, ”I don’t want her anywhere near you.” If there was a word like bittersweet but to describe a painful, anger driven deep sadness then that was Eric as he spoke so harshly of his own late mother all the while being so tormented by it. That was the numbness he felt. The clashing of this blinding hot rage with the solid ice surrounding his hurting heart that was forever frozen in time and unable to move on no matter how much his life changed for the better. Eric just couldn’t move on, not until he could find it in him to forgive himself. But he’d been holding onto this for five years. It wasn’t just a wall, Eric had built an entire fortress around the truths and feelings he so desperately wanted to be rid of, and that’s what now made this so hard to try and voice to Lizzie. But he needed to, for Lizzie he had to. There was no one day anymore, one day was now. If he wanted her in his life then she had to know his life. And she was. She was in his life, and she was in for it all.

She wasn’t just in his life now, she was his life.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111418-----------❖ LOCATION — lizzie & eric's bed-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

It seemed like the moment Lizzie and Eric returned to their room all was right in the world. The awkward tension from earlier after the incident at the car faded away like it never happened. At least, that was how Lizzie felt when she set up camp on her bed to help and watch Eric finally put his clothes in his new wardrobe. Nothing felt off between them anymore. Laughter once again returned to their little bubble for two. The box once again sat forgotten at the back of Eric’s car.

Eventually they were able to focus on their own tasks. Lizzie went back to reading her manuscript. She was just a few chapters away from finishing and she considered the possibility that she could actually finish it by the time Eric was done putting away his clothes. After all, he still had one more load of laundry to get through that still had half an hour left in the dryer. Surely after three months of reading almost every single day she was equipped to speed read and retain information. She got this. And then during her break between classes tomorrow she can work on her report.

However, she didn’t reach her goal. She still had probably three chapters left of the manuscript when she suddenly saw something strange at the corner of her eye. When she looked up to investigate, it was already too late. It appeared that Eric managed to finish first even with the second load. Honestly, Lizzie didn’t even see him leave the room to get it. Oh well, at least he has officially moved in. An instant grin appeared on her face as Eric climbed on top of her and began his expert level of distraction. There was no more reading for her for the rest of the night.

Lizzie would have been satisfied just staying cuddled up with him until they both inevitably fell asleep. After sitting for a long time and just reading, she started feeling the exhaustion from helping Eric move his stuff inside earlier. If she focused long enough on how comfortable and warm it felt being in his arms, she would eventually fall asleep perfectly content. All was just right in their perfect little world.

But then Eric spoke and she was suddenly on high alert in an attempt to combat her exhaustion to listen intently to him. He thanked her and she could only guess it was because she helped him move in. But then he continued to speak. Lizzie assumed it was to better explain his thank you, but instead he apologized. Her smile faltered slightly as she confusingly looked up at him. What did he need to apologize for this time?

Oh, right. The box. The moment he explained that his mother’s things were in the box from earlier, Lizzie was slowly understanding the reaction. Prior to right now, she had this feeling Eric held some ill-feelings for his late mother. But as to the reason for this animosity, she was still too nervous to ask for more details about it. When he suddenly confessed how he didn’t want her - Lizzie could only mean the box - anywhere near the flat or her, she knew she was right in her assumption. She focused solely on his face. For the briefest of seconds, she watched as his face hardened at the simplest mention of his mother. But then when he blinked to look down at her, it softened as if he remembered where he was right now. There was so much to unpack from that single moment. But Lizzie would push those bubbling questions aside for the time being. It was obvious Eric wasn’t going to go any further with his explanation and the last thing she wanted was to say the wrong thing at the worst possible time.

“That’s fine,” she said softly, bringing her hand currently not holding his hand up to caress the side of his face. “If it’s what you want, we can leave that box in the car.” As she scooted closer to Eric, she wrapped both her arms around his waist to hug him tight. With her head resting against his chest, the images of him walking away all those weeks ago faded to nothingness. She breathed a sigh of relief. She said the right thing this time.

Just as she was about to doze off, Lizzie heard her phone ring. She groaned into Eric’s shirt. Who in the world was calling her so late in the evening? She sighed then pulled away from Eric to grab her phone. The moment she saw the name on the screen, she let out a deeper sigh. “It’s my sisters. I have to take this,” she told Eric as she rolled off the bed. “I’ll be right back.”

Now that it was well past ten in the evening, the lights in the common room were turned off and the double doors were closed. The only person that was not home yet was Ricki, but she wasn’t due home for another hour or so. After taking a look down the halls to the other bedrooms, she closed the door to hers then walked over to the common room. She closed the double doors behind her before taking a seat at the couch to answer the call. As soon as she answered the Skype voice call, she knew she was going to regret this entire conversation.

“So we have discussed this at great lengths today,” started Mary. The fact that the middle sister was the one speaking already had Lizzie bracing herself for whatever hard truth she was about to be served. Any Darcy sister conversation led by Mary Darcy always meant serious business. “We think that you should have Eric come over to your place when we visit on Sunday. Daddy should meet him.”

Okay, no. That was not what she and Izzy discussed earlier that afternoon. As far as Lizzie was aware, she was okay just introducing Eric to her sisters. And Lizzie was quick to express this concern. How could they talk about her and Eric’s relationship without her involvement? She had as much say in this discussion as the rest of them. This was her relationship after all. And as she mentioned to Izzy earlier, it still felt too soon for their dad to know about Eric.

“Too soon or not, you should let Daddy meet him. Izzy told us that you and Eric are real serious and now is the best time to be honest about it with Daddy. I’m sure he would appreciate getting to meet your boyfriend in person. Or would you rather him figure out quickly that you were dating someone while we were all visiting you?” Why did Jane always have to be the voice of reason in their conversations? She really needed to simmer down on the eldest sister duties.

Lizzie sighed as she rested her head against the palm of her hand. “Putting all this aside for a moment, I should let you guys know that Eric is busy on Sundays. He works in the afternoon.” She thought it best not to tell her sisters that Eric was actually living in the flat now. The less they knew about her personal life and much of the details of her relationship, the less ammunition they had to use against her.

“What time in the afternoon?” Jane asked. Lizzie answered one. “Okay, fine. But there are plenty of other opportunities for you to introduce him. We’re going to be there until the twenty-sixth.”

“Well since we’re all not going to meet Eric all at once, let’s go back to the original plan,” Emma chimed in now. “What does Eric’s schedule typically look like during the weekdays?” Lizzie expertly detailed her sisters of Eric’s schedule. Afterwards, she was asked to explain her own schedule. A part of Lizzie pictured one of her sisters with some kind of makeshift chart on a piece of paper, mapping out her and Eric’s schedules to see if there was some free time they could utilize. Sure enough, after she mentioned she was off by three on Fridays, Emma was quick to point out, “How does next Wednesday sound?”

“Eric is busy all day on Wednesday?” Lizzie debated back.

“No, not really,” Emma countered. Did she really have a piece of paper with her or something? “You said you’re done with school by four on Wednesday, right? Well it looks like Eric has a gap between four and six on Wednesdays. We could all meet for an early dinner during that time? Or it doesn’t have to be a full meal? An hour for coffee could work too. That way he won’t be late for his theatre thing.”

“Rehearsals,” Lizzie corrected. The way Emma said “theatre thing” made it seem like she thought this was just some hobby for Eric. “You don’t have plans on that day?”

“Not that I’m aware,” Izzy chimed in. “But, I mean, we could always tell Daddy and Owen that we’re all gonna go shopping together or something. Find something nice to wear for Thanksgiving dinner—OH! Why don’t you invite Eric to Thanksgiving dinner with us?!” Suddenly Lizzie was getting an earful of four different voices agreeing to this suggestion. They thought it was a great idea. They could meet Eric all together over a nice meal. It was the best time while Lizzie was available. Yes, yes, it was a great idea and they should do that.

No. No, they should not. “Guys! Hey hey! Excuse me, can I have a say please before you all start dictating my own relationship?!” Lizzie practically screamed into her phone. It suddenly got quiet. “I dunno about you, but bringing my boyfriend to a predominately family oriented dinner sounds like a recipe for disaster. And I still don’t think it’s a good idea for Eric to meet Daddy. I already told him not to expect to meet him…” Her sisters were quick to ask why. “I don’t know. Iz got it in my head that having him meet you guys was enough, so he didn’t have to worry about meeting Daddy. We already talked it over and he’s okay with just meeting you.”

The conversation felt endless. It was a constant back and forth between Lizzie and her sisters as she attempted to get Eric out of the possibility of meeting her dad while they were very adamant on their belief that them meeting was the best thing to do.

Don’t get her wrong, she would love for her boyfriend to meet her dad. But after everything that’s been going on with her and Eric, especially after the incident with his mother’s box, she didn’t think him meeting her dad right now was the best timing. Her sisters, on the other hand, were constantly trying to persuade her to just agree to this. It was obvious to them that Eric was a very serious boyfriend despite the circumstances. Even Emma offered her opinion that she was more serious about Eric than she was with Brandon; the only other boyfriend that has ever met her family. But Lizzie wasn’t letting up. She already spoke to Eric about all this. He was fine meeting her sisters, period.

In the end, Lizzie’s sisters approached this the same way Izzy did earlier when she proposed that he could meet them only. They gave Lizzie the chance to ask Eric himself if he wanted to meet their dad or not. And just like earlier, Lizzie said that she’d try her best to ask.

Keyword: try

For the remainder of their phone conversation, Lizzie finalized the details for next Wednesday. She told her sisters that their meeting place would be at ABC after she was done with school. When she finally said her goodbyes to her sisters, Lizzie was drained of all energy and she could feel the early signs of a headache coming on. Thank God it was late.

When she returned to her room, Lizzie saw that Eric was still awake. She gave him a small smile as she tossed her phone onto her bedside table then climbed back into bed. “My sisters would like me to tell you that they have decided when they want to meet you.” She relayed to Eric the details of their upcoming meet up next Wednesday. However, that was all she told him. Despite promising her sisters that she would ask about Thursday, Lizzie decided against it. Maybe, just maybe, she could get her sisters to reconsider this plan before next Thursday came along. Maybe them meeting Eric would be enough that she didn’t have to worry him about meeting her dad. Maybe he would give a great enough impression to her sisters that they can sing his praises to their dad later on when they were no longer in England.

That was the hope.

As always, it was the alarm that woke Lizzie up in the morning. However, it wasn’t her alarm this time. The alarm from Ricki’s phone kept going off for a long while without interruption. Lizzie’s tired eyes tried to focus on her roommate's side of the room. Not once while the alarm went off did the girl move to turn it off. With a low groan, Lizzie turned onto her other side and buried her face into Eric’s chest. Maybe that would help her tune out the annoying alarm and she could get an extra hour or so to sleep.

It did work, sort of. Being cocooned in Eric’s warm embrace helped Lizzie focus on something other than Ricki’s alarm, but it didn’t tune it out like she hoped. So she was awake the entire time until it was finally turned off. She was relieved when she then heard footsteps shuffling out of the room. That meant that Ricki turned the alarm off completely and not just put on snooze. But by then, the damage was already done. She was wide awake and no length of time forcing her eyes closed would change that.

Since Eric was still fast asleep, Lizzie carefully slipped out from under his embrace. She didn’t try the pillow trick again, it didn’t seem necessary this morning. Once she was up on her feet, she drew the curtains out just far enough that some light could come into the room. Now that there was more light in the bedroom, Lizzie paused for a moment to gaze at Eric while he slept. Lizzie would be lying through her teeth if she denied having any photos of Eric sleeping in her phone. She just couldn’t help herself sometimes. He looked so adorable when he was fast asleep and she just wanted to document his peaceful moments to have with her at all times. This morning was no different as she grabbed her phone from the bedside table and took a quick picture of Eric with his arms still out as if he was still holding her. God, why did he have to be so cute?!

When she peeked out of the room, she was surprised to find the bathroom and the double doors wide open. Apparently Ricki wasn’t going to get ready yet. With some clean clothes in her hands, Lizzie tiptoed out of the bedroom then walked down the hall toward the bathroom. As she passed the double doors, she first asked Ricki if she would be using it anytime soon, but was given the go ahead to go first if she wanted.

Lizzie returned to her room after she took a quick shower and changed out of her pajamas. However, the shower was apparently not quick enough because the moment she opened the door, she heard her own phone alarm go off. She immediately panicked and rushed over to her bedside table to turn it off. Her racing heart caused her to fumble with her phone for a split second, but she eventually turned it off before it woke Eric up. She wanted to give him a few extra minutes before she had to wake him up to get ready for work or he woke up on his own.

She heard some sounds behind her as she focused on her reflection while fixing her hair. When she turned, she saw that Eric was showing signs of waking up. “Good morning,” she greeted cheerily as she tugged her hair through the hair tie. “Did you sleep well last night?”

As soon as she was certain her ponytail looked just right, Lizzie walked right back to the bed and took a seat at the edge. “Do you have rehearsals today?” she asked. He confirmed that he did indeed have rehearsals after work. The two then went into a short conversation about the winter production Eric’s troupe was currently rehearsing for while he worked on waking up. He wouldn’t tell her much about what the production was about outside of the general synopsis. This was fine though. Eric was well aware she had intentions of seeing it next month even if he wasn’t fully involved. She wanted to support his troupe as best she can, when she can.

Eric soon showed that he was fully awake and ready to get out of bed. While she watched him sit up, Lizzie gave him a playful pout. “This is so sad. I’m not going to see you all day!” she whined. “I’m going to miss you, babe!” She couldn’t keep up the act for long though as a giggle made her break character.

“Oh well,” Lizzie said between giggles. She then climbed onto the bed and crawled over to him. When they were face to face, she wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and climbed onto his lap with her legs bent on either side of him. “I guess that just means we’ll have to make the most of the time we have together right now.” As her lips turned up into a teasing smirk, she leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was affectionate and gentle at first, but it didn’t take long for it to deepen into something more passionate.

Her hands tangled through his long, wavy hair. It was hard to focus on one thing while Lizzie kissed Eric, so she focused on all of them at once. How soft his lips were pressed against hers. How his hands traveled across her body. How painfully tight he held her to him. A moan escaped her, but she hardly noticed. She was already feeling so good without having to show she was.

Her lips eventually left Eric’s, but she didn’t stop. No, she was just getting started. She traced kisses from the corner of his lips down to his chin until she reached the side of his neck. One hand untangled from his hair to rest on the other side. She would have stayed at his neck the whole time like the other day, but Eric’s soft moans had her feeling motivated and she wanted to see how far she could go. So she slowly moved lower, down to the bottom of his neck to continue to his collarbone. However, she would need to make one minor adjustment. Without stopping once, she pulled her other hand out of his hair to gently tug the neckline of his shirt away to expose part of his collarbone. From there, she kept going.

As soon as she left the first of many kisses along his collarbone, Lizzie opened her eyes for a second. All it took was that second to suddenly distract her from her previous intentions. She pulled away slightly. “Is this new? I don’t recall ever seeing this?” she suddenly asked. Her gaze never once moved to Eric. She was too focused on the small black ink against his light skin.

“1795?” she asked as her finger lightly traced the now revealed tattoo. ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111418-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

A week from today he would be meeting her sisters. The memory of last night’s conversation returned to him as he watched Lizzie continue her morning routine across the room. It was breeding a strange complex feeling deep inside that Eric struggled to make sense of. It wasn’t that he regretted agreeing to meet them. He did want to meet them. But he hadn’t been entirely ready for it to become a reality so soon. Like when your friend is in town and you both tell the other how much you miss them and “We should get lunch and catch up,” only it never happens. Eric had that sort of feeling where he did genuinely want to but wasn’t ready to make any effort for it to come to life. This was really happening now though. Next Wednesday after work he was going to meet them and he was definitely nervous about it.

Lizzie didn’t leave him long in his thoughts, she rarely did. When Eric was with Lizzie she always kept him so preoccupied and distracted. He didn’t have time to slip away into the depths of his mind where things were dark and confusing and difficult. When she was around he couldn’t do much but think of her. Sometimes they were deep and meaningful thoughts, other times they were as simple as how hot it was watching her ponytail fall to one side when she tilted her head towards him— but again, Lizzie didn’t leave him long in his thoughts as she kissed the image from both his mind and eyes as they shut to enjoy this moment.

Only it wasn’t a moment. This wasn’t just a good morning kiss, this was something more and he was all too willing to give in to it. While Lizzie kissed him, and he kissed her back, Eric’s hands moved to find her arms around his neck. There was a quickness to his movement as he traced her arms back to her body where they slid down her sides until they could slip under her arms, slowed across her chest and then settled around her own neck to hold her in place as he leaned back some and took her with him. He wasn’t going flat to his back but just enough so that he was propped up against her pillows and the headboard of her bed.

He moved when she did, his hands leaving her neck to retrace their path back down her front until he found the bottom of her shirt. He wanted to touch her skin, it wasn’t fair having this fabric separating them like this, not when she was doing what she was. His breaths were heavy with a needy tone to his moans as her mouth traveled down his neck. His hands slid up her back, his thumb running under the elastic band of her bra once before returning back down to her waist and then more specifically her hips as his grip tightened against her as he gently forced her down to press against him. It really wasn’t necessary, that is to say he didn’t need to force her to do anything, it wasn’t like that, she followed well enough on her own and clearly had her own agenda to see to. But it was that right now he couldn’t get enough of her. He needed her badly and with every tingling sensation her lips left on him he was just driven further and further— but then she stopped and Eric was panting lightly as he opened his eyes and dragged his mind back from the gates of heaven and down to earth.

”1795?"
What? Even Eric didn’t know what she was talking about for a second. He had to force himself to think as he lessened his pressure against her though he didn’t move his hands from where they held her. It’s easy to forget that you have tattoos once they just become a part of your skin. What’s new to someone else is something you’ve worn everyday for years. And when you have 50 tattoos it’s easy to need a minute to cycle through and remember them all, especially when they’re not somewhere easy to see, like his collarbone. But as Lizzie’s finger ran across the numbers in question he instantly snapped back to the present with the realization, ”Oh…”

Without explaining the number she had uncovered he instead reluctantly released her to reach up and slowly pull down his shirt on the other side to try and reveal the 1833. “Try” and reveal. He had misjudged where the tattoo sat exactly and so only a small portion of the number was visible. Of course this action did not clarify anything for her.

After everything that had just happened between them, he had to clear his throat to find his rough morning voice before speaking, ”It’s the, uhm,” Actually what do you call this? It made sense when you knew what the two dates represented, but what was the best way to explain this? ”It’s the start and end dates of Les Misérables.” You could have just said timeline Eric. Lizzie tried to pull his neckline down now to better see the second tattoo he had tried to show but Eric interrupted when he instead leaned forward a smidge and reached behind himself to grab the back of his t-shirt and in one swift motion pulled it up over his head and let fall beside him on the bed.

He then let out a slow exhale, his eyes watching her’s as they first stared at the 1833 that was now completely unobstructed, then her eyes traveled from the dates on his collar bones to other parts of his body, taking in the ink that covered a large portion of his upper body and arm. Eric did not lay back, nor did he look down to follow her fingers as they traced over his skin. He was far too entranced just watching as she took it all in.

He sucked in a breath as her hand reached the bottom edge of the giant butterfly across his abdomen, his muscles tensing slightly under her touch. It was an involuntary response, as one would when tickled or suddenly exposed to the cold. But the breath he held now was trapped somewhere between loving the feeling and practically pleading for more, but then also an unsure part of him was struggling to relax now. It felt absolutely amazing. This felt so right— being here in bed with Lizzie. But his mind was racing and he was unable to detach himself from this hyperfocus that was taking over.

It was just too much. Not necessarily the position they were currently in, no it wasn’t just one thing. It was all of it. It was the way her fingers ran across him, and the look in her eyes as she watched him. It was how good this all felt, a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a couple years and even then it had been scattered. It was how paralyzed he felt sitting here not wanting her to stop but also wanting so desperately to reach out and run his own hands over her body. As badly as he wanted her to continue— and more— he also wanted to turn the tables to satisfy his own desire for her. He wanted her to feel as good as she made him feel. That was something he knew how to do and that was what he was used to.

But it was honestly really confusing being like this with Lizzie; feeling almost vulnerable as she did what she wanted, but where others were selfish, she was giving. Where he expected pain, she brought pleasure and with it came this internal conflict with Eric. He knew he wanted this. He knew she wouldn’t hurt him. He knew he wanted to make her feel just as good. But in the same way that you breathe or blink without thinking, Eric’s mind kept blocking him from giving in to all that he wanted. You can force yourself to stare or hold your breathe for as long as you can but eventually you can’t fight your body any longer and Eric had reached that point. He had been trying for so long to urge himself forward, to give up and give in...but he couldn’t. His heart and all its lustful desires were encased in this dark box of past pain and future fears and try as he might he couldn’t breach his own walls. He couldn’t force himself to be okay any longer. Without the heat of distracting touches they’d shared, all he could focus on was this exposed feeling, and his breath caught in his throat now as her touch turned from pleasurable to uncomfortable. He needed to move.

Eric reached up to cup the back of her neck as he suddenly sat completely upright. Their foreheads were practically touching now and he paused for just a moment, maybe he was hesitating, or maybe he just wanted to listen to the sounds of their breathing. Honestly he didn’t know anymore, Eric’s head was a mess right now. But as he tilted his head ever so slightly he kissed her, trying to replicate that same passion from before. It was gone though, or at least weakened. The fire was fighting so hard to stay alive but Eric didn’t have it in him anymore to stoke it any higher. His arms moved to wrap around her, not breaking their kiss as he now shifted just enough to allow him to pick her up while he in turn got to his feet. Then turning back around, lips still locked, he lowered her so she sat on the bed before pulling back just enough to break their kiss as he released her, ”You’re going to make us late…”

His voice was a whisper but it held a clear teasing tone in it as a smirk grew in the corner of his mouth. But then that was it, he broke contact to stand up straight and turn away. It was absolutely killing him knowing he had yet again retreated. It was so easy to just keep going, to just let her do as she wanted. Wasn’t that what he knew best anyways? To let people do what they wanted to him...but he was struggling so hard with it being Lizzie in that position. It was so stupid and he was beating himself up over it as he walked over towards his wardrobe now. Why had he taken his shirt off in that moment? She just as easily could have seen the tattoo from his neckline, he did not need to turn it into an intimate moment like that. Usually the phrase “asking for it”, is most commonly associated with some awful and incorrect social construct of men blaming women for dressing in some way that somehow gave them permission to do whatever the hell they wanted. “She was asking for it.” It’s a horrible phrase and certainly not one that Eric would ever stand behind. But...hadn’t that been what he’d just done? Hadn’t he removed his shirt to ask her to touch him? Hadn’t he wanted them to resume where they’d been before she asked about his tattoos? But then he had backed out when it got too real...

Eric didn’t bother leaving the room to change. Weren’t they past that anyways? Nothing she hadn’t seen before and it wasn’t like Ricki was in here. He was already without a shirt so he went ahead and stepped out of his night pants before grabbing the black slacks of his uniform and slipping them on as a slight shiver ran up his spine. He hadn’t felt the temperature of the room during the heat they’d created but now that they had separated and the adrenaline was quickly wearing off he was all too reminded that the flat ran cold and her room was no exception. He made no movement to zip or button the front of his pants, what was the point? He would just have to undo it to tuck in his shirt anyways. Socks came next because he was aware of the cold now but finally Eric grabbed his white shirt and slipped his arms into both sleeves before turning back to face Lizzie. He didn’t look at her though. Well it wasn’t that he wouldn’t look at her, it was that his head was looking down at his hands as they began the process of buttoning his shirt starting from the bottom. The trick was to always start from the bottom so you wouldn’t mess up and end up missing a button.

”Love, did you— “
With his attention so focused on his shirt he hadn’t noticed her getting up to meet him halfway until she was directly in front of him now and her fingers took the buttons from him to finish the task; only Lizzie buttoned twice if not three times slower than he had, savoring a moment with each button while she let him continue what he had started to ask, ”Uhm, have you eaten yet?”

Not having a bag anymore made his weekly routines difficult for sure. When he needed to he carried his scripts in a plastic shopping bag to protect them from the elements. And although this week he didn’t need his scripts, not having a bag also meant he couldn’t just carry around his notebooks everywhere he went. If he suddenly wanted to work on something, he couldn’t. If he really wanted to then he had to write memos for himself in his iPod and scribe them later when he got back to the flat. This was honestly all such a hassle, but what choice did he have?

It also meant that he couldn’t bring a change of clothes everywhere with him so he was stuck wearing his uniform alllll day. Even to rehearsals...but at least with this cold November weather it meant he could zip his jacket up over his button up and blazer to not feel so out of place walking around downtown all dressed up at four in the afternoon. It was just after four o’clock now as he did the pocket dance to ensure he had everything with him— not that he had much to carry. Wallet? Yes. Car key? Yes, not that he needed to carry that around, maybe he should just leave it in the flat going forward. And iPod? No….where was— oh right he had borrowed a coworker’s charger earlier and it was still plugged into the wall. Unplugging it lit up the screen as the device registered that there was activity and Eric glanced down to the blank lockscreen as he remembered that he hadn’t replied to Lizzie’s last text over an hour ago. He had gotten pulled away and swamped with work and never found a chance to sneak back to the breakroom. He should probably reply before she thought he died, or at the very least tell her he was leaving the hotel now and that he’d text her when he got to the theatre.

He was in the middle of composing this message to her in WhatsApp when movement just above the keyboard caught his attention and he saw that she just sent a new message asking if he wanted to meet before he had rehearsals. Honestly she was lucky to have caught him when she did. A minute later and he would have been gone. A smile grew across his face as he quickly erased the text he had been about to send and instead replied that yes of cour— ”Got a date?”
Eric looked up to see the coworker whose charger he’d used, ”What?”
”I’ve just never seen you look at your phone so happy before.”

That would be because up until this past week or so he rarely used his phone. But ever since he and Lizzie began texting throughout their days it had steadily picked up to an addictive level. Eric spent the hours just itching to sneak off and read anything his love had sent him. Everything concerning Lizzie made him happy, to the point that he couldn’t contain his feelings apparently.

They had agreed to just meet at the ABC, it was chilly after all and Eric had been insistent that she wait indoors where it was warm rather than trying to meet him at the bus stop he would get off at. It would be at least 15 minutes till he got there after all, and Lizzie would have passed the ABC in order to meet him. He would rather she wait on campus till it was closer to when he would get there or else just wait in the cafe. But besides it being warmer, it was safer for her too.

If Eric had been happy texting her earlier, that was nothing compared to how he felt now seeing her in person. Not that anything had been wrong beforehand, Eric had had a pretty decent day at work and really nothing to complain about, but holding Lizzie now made the world seem right again. He could breathe easily again now that they were reunited. Thank god she had asked to meet, being with her now made it quite clear he would have struggled to go the next six hours without her. As they ended their embrace Eric took advantage of being taller than her and pressed pause on their greeting. While she was on tiptoes waiting to be kissed, Eric just stared down at her for a moment smiling softly as he took in the face he had missed so badly. One hand released her to gently run his fingers through her ponytail, ”I missed you…” His fingers still fiddled with her hair as he spoke but he then swept it all to one side before at last leaning down to kiss her.

It was now Lizzie’s turn to be insistent as they stood debating with one another over what to eat. Eric really wasn’t that hungry. He’d had a late lunch today so he was going to settle for just a pastry to snack on with his coffee and he’d eat when he got back that night after rehearsal. It wasn’t so much the what to eat that they debated over though as much as it was that Lizzie wanted to pay for him again. It was just a coffee she reasoned. She wanted to, and she told him not to worry about it. That it was fine.

But it wasn’t fine, not to Eric.

He didn’t put up much of a fight, he couldn’t, not against Lizzie. But it ate at him all the same. They found a table by the window and sat across from one another but while Lizzie started eating, Eric just sort of sat back with his hand resting on the table wrapped around his iced coffee. There was a silence hanging over them. Eric noticed it right away and he was sure Lizzie must have as well, ”Eric?”

He glanced up from his drink to meet her gaze for a second before blinking away towards the window while he struggled to turn his feelings into words. He chewed at his lower lip, debating whether or not to even go into this right now. He had been dying to see her all day, literally counting down the hours until he would be home that night. So when she had asked if he wanted to meet and grab a bite to eat before he had to go to rehearsal, of course he agreed without a second thought. He wanted to be with her more than anything in the world. But it seemed like these past couple days there was always something out to put a rift between them. He hated it. Everything was supposed to be better now. He had come clean about Barking. He had moved into the flat. He had Lizzie. Everything should be perfect. But yet here he was still struggling through the same old issues. Just because everything else changed didn’t mean that he had.

Eric hadn’t looked away for long, it had only been a few seconds before he released his drink and leaned forward to rest both elbows on the table as his eyes returned to Lizzie’s; this was a conversation to be kept inside their bubble. Their bubble was perfect, and their bubble was safe. It was the outside world that was dangerous. It was the outside world that had turned his life into this disaster that Lizzie had involved herself in. Eric wasn’t mad at her, not at all. He knew she’d had the best of intentions. He knew she just loved him and wanted to take care of him and help in any way possible. He knew all that but it was still hard to accept when she did things like paying for him. It was such a minor thing— Olivia did it all the time! But that’s the thing...he wasn’t dating Olivia, and Olivia would do whatever she wanted. And while that wasn’t to say Lizzie wasn’t stubborn too, cause she was, but Eric didn’t have to prove himself to Olivia. He didn’t need to show the world he was worthy of her the way he did with Lizzie. But when she did things like this...he could take care of himself, he had for five years after all. Eric knew he needed to find a balance between accepting help and doing everything on his own. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the gesture. In fact he actually really liked the feeling that came with Lizzie taking care of him like this. Under any other circumstances it probably wouldn’t have bothered him so much. It was just the timing of it all had struck an already sensitive nerve.

”Could you not do that next week?”
He took a breath, whether or not Lizzie knew what he was referring to, Eric had already started talking and he couldn’t stop now, ”When we see your sisters...I can pay for myself.”

Maybe Lizzie hadn’t even planned to pay for him. Maybe she had already considered all of this. But also maybe not, and it was that maybe not that had Eric voicing his insecurities to her now. Lizzie might be okay with how things were. She might not mind that he couldn’t take care of her in the same way she could him. But Eric couldn’t handle the thought of her family seeing that. He had lost literally everything but somehow through it all had managed to keep Lizzie at his side and he needed to do everything to keep her there now. He really didn’t have much left, but he was clinging so desperately to the sliver of pride and dignity he had left. She spoke so highly of her family— they were important to her in a way that while Eric couldn’t relate to, he still understood what it meant and honestly was far more worried that they would think he didn’t deserve Lizzie than he was about whether or not they would like him. He needed to show them that he did deserve her, even if he didn’t believe it himself...

The overall mood of their late lunch turned around after Eric managed to confess all his nerves about meeting her family. Even though it was only her sisters it was still so important to him that they would leave England knowing that Lizzie was in good hands with him. It felt good to finally get everything off his chest as they talked more about the upcoming family meet and greet and by the time they finished eating Eric was feeling much more confident about next week. Still nervous, but definitely in a better place.

While Eric would have rather he walked her to the station, they ended up standing across the street from his theatre holding each other as though they wouldn’t see each other again for months. Eric’s hair was all in his face from having to look down to her and he now removed one arm from her to reach up and brush his hair back and out of the way so that he could lean in and kiss her goodbye without getting a mouthful of hair in the process.
”I love you…” His voice was soft, riding out on his breath as he lingered just inches from her face. He truly meant it. He loved her to the moon and back. No matter how many stupid fights they got into, now matter what tried to drive them apart, he loved her more than anyone could love something. He just hoped she knew that. There was only so much that three little words could convey and his eyes searched hers in that moment they had together.

Eventually though they really did need to part ways. Rehearsal would start soon and while he wasn’t exactly vital for this production, Lizzie still told him he should go and be on time and all that good stuff, ”Soooo, who was that~?”
Eric was in the back of the house stripping off his jackets and rolling his sleeves when a knowing voice came up behind him and a smirk on her face, ”What?”
Wait, hadn’t he literally just gone through this at the hotel?
”Don’t try to deny it Eric, I saw you with that girl outside~ She’s cute!”

Maybe it was because of being drilled about her for a good portion of rehearsal, but Eric found himself missing Lizzie more and more despite having gotten to see her during the gap in his schedule. It was like that hour or so together had just been a tease to the main event. It was like the smell of cookies baking and making you crave them even more than you had when you first started mixing the ingredients together. He was nearing a point that he regretted— well regret wasn’t exactly the right word, but he wished he had gone home with her instead of going to a rehearsal he didn’t really need to be at.

His 40 or so minute commute felt agonizingly long. He had messaged Lizzie to let her know he was on his way back a little after 9pm, but being a slave to wifi meant he couldn’t talk to her for the rest of his journey. It was absolute torture. Here he was, finally free of commitments and able to devote all of his attention to her, but he literally couldn’t talk to her without wifi. Without access to Lizzie and without even a notebook to occupy himself with, Eric could feel the tired setting in from his long twelve hour day. Had he always felt this bad at the end of a night? He could have sworn it used to be easier to get through his back to back schedules. But maybe that was just because he was used to living on the edge of his seat. He just lived off of the absolute bare minimum and so as bad as it was for him, his “normal” at the time didn’t feel so bad. But now after being exposed to a better life, it made the bad feel worse. His body was telling him the abuse he put it through was inhumane and that it wasn’t right to be working this much. This must be why it was so much harder to wake up these days. It wasn’t just that he was comfy and safe next to Lizzie, it was his body giving out in protest to returning to this grueling life he led.

At last he was walking up to the front door of the flat though and after fishing out the key, unlocking the door, and then rehiding the key, he was able to step inside and let out a tired sigh of relief. He could not wait to see Lizzie and climb into bed. He had seen from outside that the common room light was still on but when he passed by the open doors he found it...empty? The coffee table looked like someone was working there and Eric assumed that it must be Lizzie waiting up for him but she wasn’t in here. He glanced back down the hall and took note that the bathroom door was shut, but so were all the bedroom doors so literally anyone could be in the bathroom. Part of him wondered if he should just go wait in the common room, it was most likely Lizzie that had been in there, he could just wait for her there. But instead something urged him on to walk over to her door...their door? Despite having officially moved in it still felt like it was her room, as far as labels go at least. It was her room that he lived in.

Eric paused in front of the door and held his breath as he tried to listen for any noise on the other side of it. There was some muffled talking but it didn’t exactly sound like a conversation between people? Well, it was now or never...he knocked once on the door, more so as a warning that he was entering than asking permission, but when he entered all he saw was Ricki sitting at her desk. No Lizzie, so maybe that had been her in the bathroom after all. Should he go back out to wait for her? Maybe he’d at least take his jacket off this time before jumping into her arms the second he saw her...

”Heyyyy, welcome home.” She had only glanced up to see who it was before returning to whatever she was watching on her laptop, her voice not entirely enthused to see him but Eric could tell it wasn’t a him thing and more so just that she was distracted and well, it was just him. Nothing to get excited over. But after he greeted her and proceeded to unzip his jacket Ricki did a double take as if only now processing what Eric being home meant, ”Oh...oh wait stop.”
She dramatically shielded her eyes as though she were protecting them from seeing something she couldn’t unsee— he hadn’t even taken his jacket off— Ricki next gathered up her phone and laptop and anything else she apparently wanted to have with her and was quick to cross the room towards the door, ”Okay, carry on.”

Eric couldn't help but roll his eyes as a smile crossed his face, he was definitely a little amused by her reaction. He was positive she had seen him half naked before, but she still didn’t want to be witness to it first hand. Just the same though, Eric wouldn’t exactly want to be in the room while she was changing either. Although it’s not like he had planned to change in here with her, he’d just wanted to take off his jacket and grab clothes to go change in the bathroom….but since she had left anyways. Might as well take advantage of having the room to himself.

The door clicked shut but before removing his jacket he went ahead and emptied his pockets of his three personal belongings and left them on Lizzie’s desk. Then he finally took off the army green parka and immediately hung it back in the wardrobe. It wasn’t exactly natural to him...putting his clothes away so quickly like that. If this were his bedroom he probably would have just tossed his jacket onto the end of his bed or left it on the floor and dealt with it later. But this wasn’t his room— well, it was...but it wasn’t only his room and he was still adjusting to it. The last thing he wanted to do was to present as a slob and make either of the girls regret having him as a roommate.

He did the same with his blazer next, hanging it up as soon as he had taken it off. Since Eric’s sleeves had been rolled up and the collar let down a couple buttons to be more comfortable at rehearsal, he now went to work unrolling his sleeves, starting with the right— but the door handle turned and Eric stopped at the sound to look up. Honestly had he really expected it to be anyone else? Ricki had just run away and surely anyone else would have knocked first.

He smiled when Lizzie’s face appeared in the doorway and she softly shut it behind her as she entered and crossed over to him with open arms. Those same arms snaked up around his neck when she was close enough and Eric automatically lowered himself to meet her halfway for a kiss. How many was that today? This one, when they said goodbye before rehearsal, when they met up at the ABC, when they said goodbye at the station that morning...so at least four not including the entire make out session they’d had in bed that morning. But Eric would never grow tired of it, he would kiss her all day if he could.

As he straightened up her arms naturally fell down a little as she simply couldn’t reach that high without putting in the effort, but her hands instead found those very same buttons she had done up this morning and went to work now undoing them, ”.....”
While Lizzie busied herself undressing him, his own hands had found her waist and pulled her against him. Eric was speechless. Not in a shocked way, it was just that no words came to mind in that moment and all he really wanted to do was watch her anyway. They had talked all afternoon during lunch. Right now he just wanted to be with her, and seeing as how they wouldn’t be alone tonight...this would probably be the closest he could get to reigniting that dangerously addictive passion they had dabbled in this morning. ​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111618-----------❖ LOCATION — flat common room-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

In the comfort of the flat, Lizzie found it near impossible to concentrate on work for once. Eric was all she could think about all day today. Whenever he wasn’t physically around her, flashbacks of all that happened since that morning popped into her head to take her down memory lane. Especially that morning. The intensity and intimacy was stronger than any of the previous times. Twelve hours later, she could still feel the warmth and pressure of his hands as they moved across her body. She could remember vividly the urgency in his actions as if he was telling her without words that he wanted it as much as she did. Every so often, Lizzie just had to close her eyes and let the images pass before it drove her insane. God, she missed him so much. Why did she have to insist that he go to rehearsals tonight when he told her plenty of times he didn’t need to be present?

When she wasn’t thinking about their steamy make out session, she was remembering what happened afterwards. Obviously, that morning was not the first time she saw Eric without his shirt on. After finding him in Barking last month, she was the one responsible for helping clean him up. She saw so much of him that night even compared to their very first meeting. But it is safe to admit that she was also too preoccupied worrying about his overall well-being to spend too much time on the unbelievably large tattoos across his torso. Since then, she knew tattoos existed there, but it wasn’t until Eric pulled his shirt off for her that she fully remembered exactly what they were and what they looked like. Now, each tattoo was clear as day in her mind. She remembered so many little details and what it was like tracing her fingers across them.

Between the swallows, the butterfly and the leaves, Lizzie was immediately drawn to the butterfly. She had no idea why this was. But that morning after Eric took his shirt off, it was the butterfly she spent the most time focused on. It was just so intricately designed and every part of it had something for her to pay attention to. She recalled how she traced every inch of it while she was on top of him and each time her touch got a reaction from him. They weren’t big reactions, of course. But every so often she would trace her finger across his skin long enough she felt him shiver or catch his breath. The time she spent with his butterfly tattoo was a whole different experience that she wished she was given more time for.

It’s been an hour since she arrived home after dropping Eric off at rehearsals and still not a single word was typed up for her report. The Google doc page wasn’t even open on her laptop. Instead, she was looking at the dates for performances of Les Miserables at West End. She was now thinking about the one hour she had with Eric after she finished school and he got out of work. After they once again discussed his concerns and proposals for surviving meeting her sisters next week, she returned to a topic that had been left unfinished that morning; the dates tattooed on his collarbones. Now that she knew the significance of “1795” and “1833” in relation to the musical, the tattoos made so much sense. She was aware that Eric loved the musical, he once told her that it was his most favorite and that he dreamed of one day being involved in a production. But back then, she thought his love for Les Mis was in line with her love for Wicked. Turns out he loves Les Mis more than she thought if he was willing to have it permanently referenced on his skin.

After that conversation, it had Lizzie thinking. Nothing was completely set in stone, of course. She wasn’t familiar with the West End outside of being aware of its existence. She wanted to do a bit of research to see if she could go through with the brewing plans in her mind. And, honestly, after a few minutes clicking on random dates for Les Mis, she thought her plans were doable. What she needed to consider now was what the best date is to buy tickets and if she could make it work with Eric’s already busy schedule. After all, she wasn’t a fortune teller, she had no clue what the future holds to plan so far ahead. Because, unfortunately, despite its rather long run at West End, trying to get good seats at the very last minute was near impossible unless she was willing to spend her entire month’s wages. She was certain Eric would never stand for that. He was already upset with her as it is for constantly insisting on spending money on him.

For now, she would bookmark the idea and possibly ask for Olivia’s advice. She gave herself a month to make a final decision.

Lizzie still got no work done after she closed the Les Mis tab. Okay, she managed to format her report, but nothing after that. She was just overloaded with memories, thoughts and worries from today. By the time the rest of the flatmates returned from their daily lives and Eric was due home shortly after, she gave up her plans to be productive. As she waited for Eric’s return, she decided to call it a night on any form of productivity and wandered off to the bathroom to take a shower.

When she finished her shower and returned to the common room, she found that her things were no longer alone. Ricki looked up from whatever show she was watching on her laptop while Lizzie was standing at the open doorway into the common room. It was only for a second though, just long enough to acknowledge she knew she was there then returned to her show. “Ah, good, you’re done. Your boyfriend’s home,” her roommate explained absentmindedly. That was enough for Lizzie to leave Ricki alone.

Their happy reunion once again made it seem like they hadn’t just been together over two hours ago. Lizzie couldn’t help being so excited that Eric was home. After thinking about him nonstop since she got home, she missed him. There was only so much thinking about his touch could do until she craved the real thing.

“So how were rehearsals?” Lizzie asked. As he told her about rehearsals, she busied with unbuttoning his shirt. She didn’t know what compelled her to help him undress. If she had to pinpoint a reason though, it would likely be the tired look on his face. Sure, he looked immediately happy to see her, but that happiness didn’t mask the exhaustion clinging to the edges of his eyes. It reminded her that he has been up on his feet with back to back schedules since eight this morning.

As much as she wanted to succumb to his touch when she reached the last buttons of his work shirt, she also wanted him to rest. So after she undid the very last button, she pulled away a step and smiled up at him. “Are you hungry? I don’t know if Olivia told you, but she brought you back some leftovers from a taste testing or something? I can heat it up for you if you wanna shower first?”

Lizzie twirled her long hair into a loose bun as she waited for Eric’s food to heat up in the microwave. While Eric was in the bathroom taking his well deserved shower, she also took her things that she left on the coffee table back to her room. Ricki remained in the living room. Apparently she made herself too comfortable to bother moving now that the happy couple was out. There was some side comment about how she now understood why Eric was always sleeping on their couch before, but Lizzie didn’t entertain that conversation. This was mostly because Ricki was already back to focusing on her show as if no one else was around.

For the rest of the evening, Lizzie was satisfied just having this time together with Eric. At some point, both Olivia and Malcolm came out of their rooms to join them for a bit, but they eventually retreated back to their rooms after saying their good nights. Lizzie and Eric returned to their room sometime after eleven with Ricki still chilling on the couch. Or...maybe she knocked out in the middle of her episode? The happy couple didn’t bother to check, but they closed the double doors just in case. Once back in the bedroom, Lizzie let her hair down and climbed into bed with Eric as they spent this time deep in pillowtalk and bedtime cuddles. Neither of them knew at the time that it would be their last chance at a peaceful night together before the impending stress came crashing over Lizzie.

Early Thursday morning, Lizzie woke up to her phone ringing. Actually, she was consciously awake well before the call came in. An hour before, the first of many text messages infiltrated her dreams. Obviously, as a dream, she didn’t understand the sound was her phone going off each time a text message came in. Eventually the phone chimed enough that she was forced to wake up. She doesn’t recall seeing who the text messages were from before trying to go back to sleep, but the damage was already done. Soon enough, her phone was ringing and she had no choice but to answer or else have Eric and Ricki annoyed with her.

Oh yeah, some time after the couple fell asleep, Ricki woke up and returned to the room.

Lizzie was up since five that morning going back and forth with her dad and her sisters as they packed and prepared for their trip. Aside from Emma who was the caller earlier and was now probably fast asleep thanks to having a toddler at home, everyone else thought it would be a grand idea to keep her up and talk to her about any last minute details. This especially applied to her dad. He was making it very obvious that he hasn’t been on a vacation in years with his neverending questions about what type of coat he should bring and whether he needed rain boots. By the time she needed to let her old man go to answer a call from Jane and Izzy in San Francisco, she was fairly certain her dad’s luggage was going to be well over the 50lbs limit. She made sure to let Jane know so she could get that fixed when he and Mary drove to Jane’s place.

Lizzie was still talking to her family when Eric woke up a couple hours later and found her curled up in a nest of his old couch-life blankets. She was only able to offer him a silent “good morning” and a quick kiss before she had to grab a notepad and pen from the kitchen to write stuff down.

“No, Emma didn’t forward me the schedule for her flight…” she explained to Jane. “Oh, it was Owen that booked it? Should I ask him for it then?” Lizzie wedged her phone between her ear and shoulder as she scribbled down more notes. She paused when her phone vibrated against her ear, pulling it away to look at the screen. “Yeah, okay, I got it. Do you guys need me to meet you at the airport or something?” she asked after she brought her phone back to her ear. “It’s like over an hour away I guess?” she answered when her sister asked how far her place was from Heathrow. That was a definite no for that question.

“You packed your other phone right? You didn’t leave it here when you left?” Lizzie reassured Jane that she did bring her US phone with her to London. “Okay, I think Daddy mentioned something about some international plan or upgrade that will allow him, you, Mary and Izzy to use your phones overseas. I’m pretty sure it’s mostly for texts though? I don’t know, he wasn’t making much sense when he was trying to explain it. I’ll have Mary double check the phone plan tomorrow. I’m pretty sure it should include your phone. I’ll have Mary text you about that later. But just in case, Mary or Izzy can download Skype on his phone.”

Lizzie got momentarily distracted by some movement in the kitchen. She turned to find Eric now dressed for work and in the middle of making tea. She nodded to his offer to make her a cup then stood up from the couch to walk over to him. While he prepared her tea and she continued to listen to Jane over the phone, she walked up behind him, wrapped an arm around his waist and rested her head against his back. Every time she gave her sister a “mhm” response, she felt it vibrate against him.

And then, Jane started talking about Eric. “Are we still on for next Wednesday?” she asked. By now, their tea was ready and Lizzie had to pull away from Eric to take the cup from him. She followed him to the island where his breakfast was waiting for him. “Is he ready? You know, we’re all pretty excited to meet him. Izzy is certain she knows him already from all your posts on Instagram.” Lizzie looked across the kitchen island at Eric again. That was a very good question that she wished she knew the true answer to. After their talk yesterday, she hoped Eric was more confident and ready to take on meeting her sisters. He voiced his concerns and offered his requests for that day and she did her best to reassure him that it was going to be fine.

“Have you asked him about Thanksgiving dinner too?” Jane asked now.

Lizzie cleared her throat after taking a careful sip of her tea. “Um, not yet. Daddy put me in charge of finding a nice restaurant for dinner. I wanna get that booked first before anything else.”

“But you are going to ask him, right?” Lizzie could practically hear the beginnings of a lecture in her sister’s voice.

“Mhm…” she said simply, turning her eyes down to her tea to avoid Eric’s gaze. God, she hoped the volume wasn’t too loud that Eric could hear this conversation from across the table. She still felt unsure asking him about dinner with her entire family next week.

Lizzie found peace only after everyone in the flat left for the day. It was finally the middle of the night in California and Washington which meant her entire family was definitely fast asleep and no longer stressing her out. For a bunch of workaholics that typically went to bed before midnight, they were all taking full advantage of not needing to be up early in the morning. It was either that or all of them had this mutual agreement to be as tired as possible to survive the ten or so hours they would be stuck on a nonstop flight. Considering Lizzie spoke to Jane until about three in the morning in California, she was certain it was the latter for at least her sister.

She couldn’t even remember having tea with Eric that morning, she was so preoccupied with all this.

For the rest of Thursday, Lizzie kept herself busy...not by choice, of course. With her family coming in the weekend and all the impending plans she had with them the following week, she needed to be on top of her work to ensure she wouldn’t be killing herself to finish it all in-between family activities. She didn’t want to stress over manuscripts, reports, papers and studying while out sightseeing in the city.

She felt a little bad actually. As important as it was to ensure she was on top of everything before her family arrived, it was at the cost of sacrificing quality time with Eric when they were both home. Luckily, he seemed very understanding of her stress and kept himself occupied with theatre work. With the Christmas production just weeks away from opening night, he had to make sure their his script was ready to start rehearsals in...January? Lizzie couldn’t quite remember at that moment what Eric told her.

Even after finishing most of her to-do list, Lizzie couldn’t get her mind to just stop and let her relax. Later that night, she only got a few hours of sleep before she ended up laying in bed just staring up at the dark ceiling. She was a ball of nerves waiting for some kind of update from anyone in her family. Surely, they should all be at their respective airports by now or something. Yet not a single Darcy sister had the courtesy to send her a text message letting her know.

Eventually, Lizzie couldn’t stay wide awake in bed with her phone practically glued to her hand any longer. She carefully slipped out of bed so as not to wake Eric then grabbed her iPad and laptop from her desk before leaving the bedroom to once again set up camp in the common room. Just as she wrapped herself in one of Eric’s blankets, a text finally came in from Mary letting her know that they made it through TSA and were now waiting for their flight to be called for boarding. If Lizzie’s tired brain did the math correctly, that wouldn’t be for another couple hours. Which also meant that Emma, Owen and Liam were probably just leaving their house in Seattle to head to the airport? Or else they calculated the toddler factor into their travel time and were already at the airport and just did not tell her anything. What the hell Emma???

Lizzie stared blankly at the small pile on the coffee table consisting of her laptop, iPad and the piece of paper that had her family’s flight information. There was still another hour or so until her dad and sisters were scheduled to board for their flight. And still she heard nothing from Emma. In the cloudiness of her late night exhaustion, she considered just texting her older sister to get some kind of update. But at that point, her phone finally left her hand and was sitting beside her essential pile. Too far to sacrifice the warm blanket nest she made for herself.

She just started dozing off when she could have sworn she heard a door open. Through the minimal lighting coming from outside the common room windows, Lizzie watched as Eric entered before closing the double doors behind him. “Hey…” she greeted in a small voice. She reached over for her phone to check the time. “What are you doing up?” she asked, concerned. As he approached, Lizzie opened her blanket nest invitingly for him to join her. ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111718-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

These days Lizzie woke him up most mornings. It was a struggle for him to get up on his own, once he was in bed beside her there was very little that could wake him. His body and mind both gave out completely in the safety and comfort of Lizzie’s presence. No longer did he have to be on edge in survival mode like he did when he slept in his car. No longer was there a social pressure for him to clear out of the living room before everyone woke up and found him to be in the way. And no longer did he have to wake up before the sun to walk all the way to work. There was nothing now that could wake him other than Lizzie herself, and that remained true even if it was not her intention to wake him.

When Eric’s eyes blinked open it took a second to register that he was awake. It was so dark in the room that he almost couldn’t be sure whether he was dreaming or not. He shut his eyes again as he settled into the knowledge that it was far too early for him to be awake, and while turning over towards Lizzie he pondered what could have woken him up. It couldn’t have been any outside forces or else the girls would have woken up a well. So maybe he had been dreaming after all but it had escaped him as soon as his eyes opened. But as Eric’s arm reached out to reconnect with Lizzie and pull her close he found that he passed through open air and landed on a cold spot on the bed. What. He tried reaching a little further in case they had just rolled in opposite directions in the night but instead his hand reached the edge of the mattress; he had already moved into her spot as he slept. Eric’s eyes opened again to squint into the darkness as he pushed himself to sit up, ” ‘izzie?” Eric’s groggy voice cracked as he whispered her name into the silence of the room but he got no response.

Maybe she had just gone to the bathroom...or maybe she woke up really thirsty and ran to the kitchen for a drink, but Eric began to worry after sitting there by himself for several minutes with no sign of her. He leaned forward to feel around for his Disney hoodie that he had abandoned last night before falling asleep. While it had been overheating him a little with cuddling Lizzie under her comforter it was now freezing being without it alone in her room. He shivered as the fabric settled around his body and after pulling the hood up over his head and tucking his hair back as needed, Eric got to his feet and carefully made his way over to the door. Even in the dark of the hallway he could see that the bathroom door was open indicating that she wasn’t in there, so there was only one other place to look. He didn’t knock, just slowly pushed one common room door open to check inside and sure enough, there was Lizzie.

Yesterday morning he had woken up alone as well and had found her here on the couch in this very same spot; he didn’t like it. He didn’t like seeing her stressing like this over something he had thought she was looking forward to. Her family’s trip was feeling more like work than holiday and while he had kept himself busy to let her do what she needed to, he couldn’t help but feel a little resentful about the whole thing. Yesterday, on her end of one of many phone calls, he had heard her inquiring about flight information and meeting them at the airport...why were those things that concerned her? He had watched her jot down excessive amounts of detail for each flight...why? Wouldn’t it be fine just knowing when they were expected to land? And maybe the flight number if she really wanted to track it later? Of course Eric had never flown before so who was he to speak on this matter, maybe this was normal. But meeting them at the airport? She had really asked about that? She didn’t even have a car. It was a journey to the airport, but she was really willing to go the distance just to see them? They were coming to her. This was their trip, so why did it feel like she was the one putting in all the work to orchestrate this?

Eric had no control over the slightly confused frown at her question as he crossed over to her. Why was he up? Was she serious right now? ”I woke up and you were gone...” Need he say more? He paused, standing in front of the couch to glance from the coffee table and then back to her as he flipped the question back on her, ”Why are you awake?” That was the real question here, after all he wouldn’t be awake if she hadn’t been. But he knew why she was up, maybe not the specifics but at least the subject matter.

He let out a soft sigh. He was tired and it showed. The corners of his eyes hurt from being pulled out of sleep far too early and in such a distressing manner; he could feel that a grumpiness had replaced his earlier worries from before he’d found Lizzie. It wasn’t her that he was irritated with though, not in the slightest.

Eric was quick to join her on the couch and wrapped one arm around her shoulder under the blanket while the other crossed her body to her far thigh. While Lizzie closed her arms and the blanket around him, he was pulling her little body till she was mostly on his lap with his arm sliding from her shoulder down to her waist so both arms now hugged her close.

His gaze returned to the table in front of them and panned across at everything she had set up. It was certainly impressive, he had seen her set ups for working on schoolwork or reports for her internship, he knew her attention to detail was no joke and she had probably thought of every single possible thing there was to consider. She probably had solutions and back up plans to things that wouldn’t even come to be. Lizzie had probably already figured out what time she would need to leave the flat to meet them at the airport when they landed— even though she had assured him last night that she wasn’t going to.

After all of her stressing last night and looking over at everything she had out now, Eric really just couldn’t understand why she had to do all this for her family. What was she even doing exactly? What on earth was there for her specifically to be doing here in the flat? She had explained she was waiting for everyone to get to the airport but...her family was halfway around the world, there was nothing she’d be able to do from here in London. Eric’s hold on her tightened as he tried to bury these unhelpful thoughts and refocus his attention to her directly, “Do you really need to be awake for this though?” His head rested on the top of hers as one hand adjusted itself slightly to find the bottom of her shirt and slip just under. There were no intentions behind his movement though, not right now. He just wanted to feel the softness of her skin under his fingers as he continued to drag his mind away from this negativity towards her family. He was here for her right now, and while Eric couldn’t wrap his mind around her stress, he could still relate to it in his own way.

He’d been here before, up at odd hours waiting for his mum. Waiting for her to call and say that she wouldn’t be coming home. Waiting for her to come home after leaving without a word. Waiting to find out if she would even remember to come back after she claimed she was going down to the corner shop; more often than not she would end up elsewhere on her way back. There were times when he wouldn’t see or hear from her for days at a time, and this was all before cell phones really kicked off so he had no way to reach her. There were plenty of times he had been convinced she wasn’t coming back or had overdosed somewhere by herself and that he’d be called down to the police station to identify her body. Eric understood the stress and loneliness that came from waiting for someone you care about. So even though he didn’t like how he felt Lizzie was being treated by her family with all this, even though he didn’t relate to her near obsession with needing to know everything involving the trip, he could at least understand her baseline feelings right now and Eric wanted to help her in any way that he could. If there was anything he could do to relieve the tension he could feel radiating off her then he would do it, ”When do they land?”

As mentioned, she had already told him she wouldn’t be meeting them at the airport directly. She had also said she didn’t think she’d seen them Saturday either since she had her meeting and they would probably still be tired from traveling. So here she was, Friday morning before the sun was even up, a complete ball of nerves and she had to wait until Sunday to really relax?
”I can take you love,” he felt her move beneath him so he pulled back just enough to be able to meet her gaze, ”I’ll drive you over there.”
But Lizzie, with her infinite overly detailed knowledge of everything, was thankful but quick to turn him down pointing out that both her and her family’s schedules heavily conflicted with his both tonight and tomorrow. It just wasn’t realistically possible without him sacrificing himself beyond necessary so she would just wait until Sunday as planned. But while this was true, Eric hated it. He hated this feeling— he just felt so useless with this whole thing. She was over here moving boulders for her family and he couldn’t even do the one thing in his power to help her out.

Eric decided not to try and convince her to come back to bed. If this was what she wanted to do and where she felt she needed to be then Eric would sit through it with her for as long as it took. They talked on and off for a while, mostly Lizzie venting the things that were keeping her up at this ungodly hour, and Eric really tried his absolute hardest not to, but admittedly he did doze off a handful of times. Any movement from Lizzie woke him instantly though. Whether it was her reaching for her phone or even just checking it on her lap after she had given up putting it back on the table. If she spoke he would wake. If she yawned he would wake. It was an exhausting existence to be fighting sleep as hard as he was while simultaneously being so in tune with her. But each time Lizzie suggested he go back to bed he stubbornly refused.

As it neared 6:30am, he had glanced down at her phone in her hands to check, Eric had to accept that this was it. They wouldn’t be getting any real sleep tonight. He shifted his position to better see her face so he could kiss her cheek, ”Why don’t you go shower love?” While the last thing he wanted was to let her go, he knew they needed to get up to get ready soon and he didn’t want to add last minute scrambling to her stress. Besides, a shower might help her wake up. And you know what else would help? Coffee.

Eric was definitely a tea person most mornings, but today he would be joining his girlfriend in hot coffee to try and jolt his senses back to life. While Lizzie showered he was brewing a pot and preparing a light breakfast for the two of them. If Lizzie felt as dead as he did then he assumed she wouldn’t be very hungry at his point in the morning. It was the same way with his overnight shifts, anything after 5am and he lost his appetite. His body just gave up hoping for food and if anything he started to feel a little sick. But they needed to eat all the same, especially since they were having coffee with such long days ahead.

Well, Eric’s day was long at least. Not that Lizzie’s seven hours at her internship wasn’t, but Eric had work at nine and rehearsal till eight. He would need all the help he could get. Speaking of help...it dawned on Eric as Lizzie returned to him in the kitchen, what if he drove her to work that morning? She just looked so tired. This was two nights in a row she was up so bloody early with her family, she more than deserved riding to work in peace and comfort— the comfort part was questionable…Eric’s car wouldn’t finish heating up until well after dropping her off which would mean driving in the cold. It was a pretty miserable drive, but at least Little Hopper wasn’t far from here? It wasn’t like they would be freezing in his car for an hour like when he drove to Barking last week. But still...it hardly made it better than taking the tube. At least the station would be warm. But he could drive them! It wasn’t like he had never driven to the hotel before. He knew where to park nearby. And then if he drove he could also pick her up when she was done— although didn’t she get out an hour earlier than him? Maybe he could ask to leave early today. Or maybe Lizzie would be able to stay late? No he didn’t want to ask her to do that. Maybe she could go meet him at the hotel and they would just leave when he was done, ”Love?” Or maybe he just wanted to drive her so that he could selfishly spend more time with her when really she was better off commuting so she wouldn’t be stuck waiting or dependent on him...

Eric lost the courage to offer to drive her the second she looked at him and he just smiled and shook his head to say nevermind. Contrary to his own advice, Eric opted to not shower that morning. He knew it would help and probably make him feel better, but he had showered last night so hygienically speaking he would be fine. While emotionally, socially, motivationally, spiritually, and every other applicable “ally” word there was: Eric would rather rush to get ready so he could walk Lizzie to the station. He knew very well their schedules were an hour apart, he had the time to relax a little longer but he really just wanted to be with her for as long as he could and so he would take every opportunity that came up.

This morning had such a different vibe compared to these past few days. It wasn’t a bad different! It was just…different. There wasn’t a sense of desperation between them— and obviously there hadn’t been any sexual aspect to it like on Wednesday. But it was more than that. It wasn’t like those days where one of them would wake the other to say bye before leaving to go about their separate days. No, today felt very much like they were in it together. This was a team effort...and it felt right. Like this was how they were supposed to be. That’s not to say he didn’t long for more or get a little lost in her when it came time to kiss goodbye at the station— but just that Eric really didn’t mind having been up since dawn since he’d been up with Lizzie. Was it too much to say he wanted to spend forever with her?

Lizzie of course messaged him as soon as she got word that her family had touched down and were heading to their air bnb. Eric would be off work in about an hour but then it would be at least another five after that until he would be back at the flat with her. Could he wait that long? Would Lizzie be okay by herself until then? There was the obvious factor that he was beyond tired, but Eric’s decision to text the theatre that he would be missing rehearsal was spurred by his need to go check on Lizzie. He knew that it wasn’t like anything bad had happened. She was probably relieved that her family had all landed safely and technically her stress should all be over, but he didn’t want to leave her alone right now. Not after he saw how deeply affected she was by this trip. Besides, what if she got some crazy idea in her head to go visit them at the air bnb by herself? She had refused his offer to drive her so he’d be damned if he left her go alone.

text me when you get home xx​

The last hour of his shift dragged for forever but at long last he was able to leave. He texted Lizzie that he was leaving the hotel now. He didn’t mention either rehearsal or he flat though. He wanted to surprise her but he didn’t want to lie about it. And while the last time he tried to surprise her at the flat failed miserably, he felt pretty good about today. Lizzie was running on so little sleep right now, there was no way she would make plans to go out anywhere. So she would go home and he was willing the train to go faster and faster so she wouldn’t be alone a moment longer than she had to be.

Friday night was one spent all wrapped up and entangled in love— with his love. Lizzie was still fairly glued to her phone, but that non-toxic child safe arts and crafts glue was nothing compared to the superglue that kept Eric attached to her. Skipping rehearsal had been a great decision. It definitely made up for Wednesday when he wanted to but didn’t skip. The look on Lizzie’s face, after she had finished scolding him, was pure gold and he absolutely melted into her arms. Eric was ready to take on whatever else her family threw at them that night— until he inevitably passed out with his arms in a gentle death grip around her.

It seemed that by Saturday Eric had absorbed all of Lizzie’s stress and brought it with him to work. He knew very well that the Darcy family was staying in an air bnb and not a hotel— and certainly not his hotel. He knew their air bnb was far enough that there was no chance of them stumbling onto his place of work. And he knew Lizzie wouldn’t have told them where he worked anyways. But he still spent his shift jumping anytime the door opened and doing double takes anytime there was a large party of guests all at once. What if they walked in? What was he supposed to do? Would they recognize him? Had Lizzie shown them his photo— of course she had, that was a dumb question. He knew what they looked like, well enough anyways, and they for damn sure would be able to point him out. This suspenseful feeling had him on edge his entire shirt to the point that towards the end he finally had to confess to Lizzie over text that he was pretty sure he was hallucinating her family. Could you tell he was nervous all over again? They were coming to the flat tomorrow after all...Eric was back to second guessing whether he was really ready to meet Lizzie’s family. She had four sisters— who in the world has four sisters? Lizzie Darcy, that’s who. Then her father of course, and she had even said her brother-in-law was coming? Yes, that’s right, because she had gushed over her nephew. But Eric would have to confess later that he couldn’t remember who little Liam belonged to. That was a total of seven people. Seven people— yeah Eric had definitely taken on all of Lizzie’s stress. Even though he had been assured multiple times that he was only meeting her sisters and that everything would be totally fine, Eric still kept anxiously glancing at the doors as though expecting the entire clan to mob in at any moment.

While yesterday he had skipped rehearsal wanting to be with Lizzie, today he actually looked forward to attending the weekly meeting. That’s not to say he wouldn’t rather be with Lizzie, but Eric’s paranoia was skyhigh. What if they went to the flat a day early?? At work he had been scared they would find him and however unrealistic that fear was it was still possible that they could have decided to trek across the city and dine at his hotel. And now it was possible that they couldn’t wait another day and had gone to the flat early. But it was definitely not possible for them to be able to find him in the theatre, and he let out a relieved sigh when he finally got to collapse into the cushioned audience seat and rest both his feet and mind for the first time all day.

“Fine…but just one drink.”
The meeting had gone well, everything was on track for opening the show in a couple weeks as well as starting his production in early January. In fact the meeting had gone so well that they finished early and everyone had decided to go out for drinks. It had been a while since Eric had gone out with everyone and they were quick to point this out as fuel to pressure him into joining them. Hence his agreement to go for one drink.

Well one drink turned into two. Or was it one a half? He had his one drink as promised but then someone got a bit of good news which prompted a round of shots ordered and Eric didn’t have the heart to turn down the celebratory shot. But after that shot he got to his feet saying he was headed out, ”Wait where are you going?”
”I said one drink,” he shrugged his parka back on while his mate planted himself between Eric and the direction of the door, ”Freddie I really need to go home.”
”Home? Really? It’s not even ten.”

Not even ten. Yes, he had a point. In fact it had only just turned nine, but that was exactly why Eric needed to leave. He had told Lizzie that they ended early but the decision to go out for drinks wasn’t made until everyone was standing outside trying to say their goodbyes. Aka outside of the theatre’s wifi range. And this pub happened to be a deadzone so he couldn’t even mooch off of neighboring businesses to try and find a connection that didn’t ask for a password— yes, he tried. So that meant it had been an entire hour and a half since Lizzie had last heard from him. The commute back should only have been 40min tops, so basically she had expected him back an hour ago but here he was trapped in the awkward social dance of wanting to leave but not wanting to upset his companions.

They went back and forth a few times with Freddie insisting that he could just crash on his couch that night so he didn’t have to worry about being sober enough to make it home. Eric appreciated the thought, and it really had been a long time since he had stayed with him, but no, ”I’m really sorry mate but I can’t— Lizzie’s waiting for me.”
The crickets that followed gave Eric time to realize what he’d just said before grins started appearing on those who had heard and Eric found himself cornered into explaining:
a) Who Lizzie was for those who hadn’t gotten the gossip memo on Wednesday about him kissing a girl.
b) That he was dating her and how long this had been going on for.
And finally c) the biggest oops of all was when he let slip that he had moved in with her. He really hadn’t meant to tell them that but he had gotten nervous and combined with his two drinks gave Eric a loose tongue and he just sort of rambled until it was too late.
”So that’s why you haven’t been coming around anymore~”

Eric’s first stop after leaving the pub was locating an establishment with wifi he could access from the sidewalk and once he did he found himself staring at several messages asking where he was. The guilt hit him hard. He should have refused his friends and gone straight home, but he had gotten all socially anxious about telling them no. It had been such a double edge sword situation. He didn’t explain why he wasn’t back yet, Eric really wasn’t an avid texter to be sending paragraphs like that.

im so sory love . im jst now leving see you soonn xdxccxxcxx​

Eric missed the “x” button a few times in his frantic slightly tipsy texting.

He ended up unlocking the front door of the flat just before ten and was greeted in the hall by a clearly worried Lizzie. Well, she was trying her best not to be, but Eric could see through the brave act she put on. He needed to clear this up right away before something spiraled. Talking. Openness. Communication. No secrets. Yes okay Eric, that’s all plenty true but don’t forget to breathe when you talk, ”I tried to leave but after the meeting everyone wanted to grab drinks and it’s been so long since I went out with them so I couldn’t say no but I told them only one drink but then we all had shots for Eliza since she just accepted a job offer and then it was already 9 and I said I needed to leave but they wouldn’t let me leave love so I told them you were waiting for me but not everyone knew who you were so I had to tell them about you and I told them I moved into the flat but they finally let me leave.” Yes, that was all one run on sentence, what happened to breathing Eric?

”I’m sorry…” Now what was he apologizing for? For being late? For not telling her he was going out? For telling all his friends that he had a girlfriend and had moved into her flat after only knowing her for a few months? Probably all of the above, ”Someone saw us on uhm, Wednesday. Outside the theatre.”​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111818-----------❖ LOCATION — flat common room-----------❖ COMPANY — eric & olivia
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---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

For a bunch of serious workaholics, her family could be the biggest goofballs she has ever met. But because of their silly antics, Lizzie was finally able to breathe the longest sigh of relief. After over ten hours of waiting, they all landed in Heathrow safe and sound. To prove it to Lizzie, they posed together in front of the very same Welcome sign she remembered passing when she first landed in London. When Lizzie first saw the photo, she couldn’t help mirroring the huge smiles on their faces...and then laugh when she saw that her nephew Liam was just not having any of their foolishness. She would find out later from Emma that he had apparently refused to nap on the plane and now he was very cranky.

Now that her family was on the same continent as her, Lizzie could once again focus on her life. She had until Sunday to remember that her London life did not revolve around them and that she had a shit ton of work to do. The most important of all was helping Olivia prepare for Eric’s birthday celebrations.

Lizzie and Olivia have been planning for this since their shopping trip last week. Granted, much of that planning was spent over text messages when they were both out of the flat. It was just near impossible to do any further planning while they were together because A) they only had face to face time together at the flat and B) Eric was forever attached to Lizzie when at the flat. It would no longer be a surprise if the birthday boy saw even one text message or overheard one conversation they had about it. That was why it took them almost all week to finalize all the details. Lizzie also learned from this entire experience that Olivia really was fit to be an event planner. She was ready to think of any and every detail even for just a small birthday party celebration of just three guests.

Despite the minor setback that her family would be coming to visit the flat on Sunday, timing just seemed to be working in Lizzie and Olivia’s favor when it involved preparing for Eric’s birthday. As much as they would have preferred to celebrate it on the actual day, the two eventually came to an agreement that if they were going to celebrate Eric’s birthday on the day of, the best time would be at midnight. Their only other option was in the morning before he had to go to work, but that would have been cut short and overshadowed by Lizzie’s stress about her family visiting. This decision was only proven the right choice since Eric would not be home until later tonight thanks to a theatre meeting after work and Olivia had no scheduled events after Lizzie’s meeting. Just perfect timing all around.

Olivia was outside the restaurant Lizzie told her she would be at for brunch with friends a little after noon. After saying her goodbyes to her friends, Lizzie left the others at their table to head outside to Olivia’s car. As soon as she climbed inside, she was given a small notepad turned to what looked like a list. Lizzie only needed to read the first couple items to recognize that this was the list of supplies they need for their midnight birthday celebrations. The first stop on their agenda, decorations.

Lizzie learned quickly just how well Olivia did her job. Since the company she worked for was located in the city, Olivia knew all the right places to go even for the smallest decorations. Had it been up to Lizzie, she would have gone to whatever was the equivalent of Party City in London for whatever they needed. Instead, Olivia drove them about fifteen minutes outside the city to this small shop she apparently utilized often. When they stepped inside the shop, the owner immediately greeted her. They then started up a conversation about a couple orders Olivia had with them that Lizzie could only assume were for her work. All this was happening while the owner asked what numbers and colors she wanted for the balloons. Yes, balloons. After Olivia paid for all the decorations she ordered, Lizzie followed behind her flatmate with balloons in the shape of a 2 and a 5 in one hand and a few regular balloons in some of Eric’s favorite colors in the other. Olivia carried with her a small box of all the decorations that were now checked off on the notepad list. She really should not have underestimated how much of a big deal this whole thing was for Olivia….

Then again, Lizzie probably should have expected it not just because her flatmate was an event planner. Her best friend’s turning 25 after all.

Once they safely got all the balloons in the backseat of Olivia’s car, they drove back to the flat to drop all the decorations off. Luckily, no one was home when Olivia pulled up in front of the flat. As far as Lizzie was aware, the only person that knew about the plans for Eric’s birthday was Malcolm, but he already had plans today and so would not be home for much of the preparations. This was fine though. They could order takeaway for food. And they really did not need him for Eric’s cake either. That was Lizzie’s job. Yes, she was baking her boyfriend a cake.

After dropping off the decorations, Lizzie and Olivia left the flat once more to drive to the grocery store for baking supplies. Or, at least, whatever supplies they needed that wasn’t already at the flat thanks to Malcolm. Lizzie turned to the next page of the notepad to look over the list of ingredients Olivia noted they needed to get. This was all based on the recipe Lizzie forwarded to her the other day that she asked Lacey to send over from her recipe book back in her apartment in LA. It was a solid recipe and so long as lemons were not anywhere in it - because apparently Eric could not stand any lemon flavored food - he would like it.

Upon their return to the flat after their grocery run, Lizzie and Olivia remained in the common room for the remainder of the afternoon. Olivia spent much of it in the living room assembling the decorations she ordered. Lizzie remained in the kitchen. After a quick phone call with Malcolm, she hunted down all of his kitchen appliances that she would need to bake Eric’s birthday cake; a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and strawberries both inside and on top. Every so often they would help each other out, but it was usually around the time when they were waiting for the cake to bake in the oven. There was only so much Lizzie could do after preparing the frosting.

What Lizzie found the most difficult during this time was keeping up the act that she was actually not busy today when text messaging Eric. Even when her hands were messy she had to make sure to answer Eric’s texts in her usual timely manner or else he might suspect something was off. Sure, she probably was overthinking all of this. After all, she could have easily told him that she was taking a nap if she failed to respond to his texts. He could believe that without proof. In the end, she sacrificed her poor phone screen to ensure she never got any “are you okay” or “something wrong” messages from Eric that she needed to fib her way through. Surprises were just a hassle to keep up.

Everything was completed by the time the evening rolled in. The decorations were prepared and pushed to a corner of the living room that could not be seen from the double doors. The gifts were moved from Olivia’s room to the very same corner of the living room. The cake was now in the refrigerator, frosted and lined with strawberries with the words “Happy Birthday” written in icing in very careful cursive. Now all they could do was wait until the birthday boy came home.

She had hoped her family would be more active today so that she could talk to them for a few hours, but not even the Darcys could beat jetlag and all day supply runs. Apparently keeping an Airbnb fully stacked for seven people was a mission and a half. When her family was still messaging her, they were all too keen to complain that London did not have many of the snacks Liam typically enjoyed. Eventually, all forms of communication with her family ceased and to combat the anticipation anxiety that crept up again, Lizzie tried to focus on reading next week’s assigned manuscript. Emphasis on tried. Sure, she read a few chapters, but don’t bother asking her to summarize what happened. Much of that reading time was spent staring at the clock and wishing it would move to nine already.

The only way Lizzie could keep herself distracted from impatiently waiting for Eric to come home was to stay on the phone. She spent the remainder of her waiting time on the phone with JKL. Yes, all of them at once for the first time in weeks. Katie’s next meet was scheduled on Sunday so her coach had her resting after early morning training. This meant that she finally had time to sit and play mediator. Good thing too because it took Katie just one hour to get Lizzie and Jade to talk through their differences enough for Jade to finally step back and accept Eric as Lizzie’s new boyfriend. Lizzie then spent the rest of the phone call updating them on almost all that happened since she got together with Eric. She chose to not tell them about him moving in for now knowing that she would have to tell them more than she was willing to share. But she was more than willing to mention the birthday surprise tonight~

Excitement rushed through her when she saw Eric’s message that his theatre meeting finished early. Even though that meant she had an extra couple hours to keep him away from the common room, she didn’t care. She would rather have him home with her than still turning to the clock wishing it was about time for him to be back. Surely she could think of things for them to do until midnight. They did have the bedroom to themselves since Ricki was supposed to be out with friends after work. Midnight would come in no time once Eric was home.

Except...Eric didn’t come home. Not in the time she expected at least.

Lizzie was sitting at the kitchen island having dinner with Olivia when she looked down at her phone and saw that it was already after eight. Eric was now an hour late from when he told her he was done with his meeting. She was starting to get worried. Each time her messages went unanswered, she worried some more. And every time she stared at the time and saw that only a minute passed, she worried even more. Where was he? Was he okay? It wasn’t long before her worrying showed on her face.

Olivia allowed an hour of this before she took matters into her own hands. While Lizzie plated the leftovers from their dinner for Eric to eat later, Olivia paced the space between the kitchen and the living room while she called one of the people in his theatre troupe. It took a couple attempts, but eventually she got through to someone. Lizzie watched as Olivia shouted into her phone asking if Eric was with the troupe.

When she hung up, Lizzie sat up straight on the stool and looked at her flatmate expectedly. “He’s on his way back now. Apparently they all went for drinks after their meeting.” This didn’t exactly cheer Lizzie up. Why didn’t Eric tell her this in the first place?

At that very moment, her phone buzzed against the table. Eric’s name was the first thing she noticed when she glanced down at it and she immediately unlocked her phone to read the message. She blinked at his text a couple times, wondering why it was typed so strangely. This wasn’t how Eric typically typed his texts. Then she remembered Olivia mentioning he had gone out for drinks with the troupe and she wondered just how much he drank before he left. But when she texted him back asking that very question, she got no response. Maybe he was actually coming home now.

For thirty to forty minutes, Lizzie stood leaning against the doorframe of the common room double doors waiting for the front door to open. Her phone was now glued to her hands waiting for another message from Eric. Around the twenty minute mark, she found herself combatting the beginning signs of annoyance over this whole situation as she wished Eric had an actual phone instead of the iPod. Surely it wasn’t that expensive to own a prepaid phone. At least then she wouldn’t have to constantly stop herself from typing another message asking for his whereabouts knowing he wouldn’t get it until he had access to wifi.

When she finally heard the front door unlock and open, Lizzie didn’t even wait for Eric to step inside. She quickly stuffed her phone into her pocket and rushed down the hall to meet him at the door. Relief washed away her annoyance before. He was home and he wasn’t hurt. “Hi! You’re back!” she greeted, her voice forcibly cheerful to mask the worry she felt for the past hour and a half.

As Eric tried to explain the reason why he was late, Lizzie found herself holding her breath along with him. It didn’t much for her to notice he was speaking in one long run-on sentence. When he finally stopped his long explanation, she exhaled the breath and took a step closer to him. He then apologized for being seen with her. This caused her to stop and look up at him, confused. Why would he need to be sorry about that?

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Lizzie explained. “We were eventually going to be seen together by your friends. It’s just inevitable.”

Just then Lizzie heard another door open behind her. She turned just as Olivia popped her head out of her room. “Finally! Took you long enough!” Olivia teased. As the two best friends talked about whether or not Eric wanted to eat something - he explained that he already ate with the troupe - a smile quickly spread across Lizzie’s face, although it felt forced on there. Olivia has proven to be very perceptive if she needed to be. And right now, she did not. Especially while she was in the middle of enacting their birthday surprise plans. Starting with giving Eric the suggestion to shower after a long day.

“Yeah, you might end up knocking out still in your work clothes and stuff,” Lizzie chimed in with a small laugh. “Go ahead and take that shower. I’ll get you water to help you sober up.” She led the way down the hall until they reached their bedroom where she waited outside while he grabbed a change of clothes to bring with him to the bathroom. Then at the double doors, she watched him close the bathroom door behind him before walking to the kitchen to get a bottle of water like she said.

In an effort to keep Eric out of the common room, Lizzie turned off all the lights and closed the double doors. She then turned on the lights in their bedroom and kept the door open. Surely that was enough to lure him away from the common room and out of sight of all the birthday decorations. It was like luring a moth to a flame.

Lizzie sat on the bed with her phone out once again while waiting for Eric to finish with his shower. She was messaging Olivia trying to figure out how they were going to kill two hours until midnight without letting Eric fall asleep. Lizzie knew this was going to be tough. After a long day ending in a couple drinks, Eric had to be exhausted by now. She even asked Olivia if they could just let him sleep for now and then wake him up at midnight, but she didn’t think that was a good idea. There was a chance he might be moody from being woken up suddenly.

When she heard footsteps coming down the hall later, Lizzie quickly closed Olivia’s text screen and switched to another app on her phone. “Feel better?” she asked when Eric appeared at the door. She watched as he entered their room then closed the door behind him. “Ricki will be home late. She’s out with friends celebrating a birthday or something?” she then explained when she saw him staring over at Ricki’s side of the room. “Do you want me to help you dry your hair?”

They spent much of the time it took to dry Eric’s hair catching each other up on their days. In Lizzie’s case, however, she had to tell him a couple little white lies so that she wouldn’t spill the beans on what she really did all day. When she wasn’t telling small fibs to hide the truth, she was telling him about what her family had been up to today; especially the complaints they had about how London lacked some of the groceries they typically bought in the states. It was also during this talk that Eric told the full story of how their relationship was revealed to the rest of his troupe. She was happy to hear that they were all pretty happy about them even if they have never met her before. “Does this mean I get to meet them all when we go watch the Christmas production in a couple weeks? Or will I get to meet them before that?”

There was a knock on their door just as Lizzie unplugged the hair dryer and returned it to the top of the dresser. Soon after, Olivia opened the door slowly and poked her head in. “You two decent?” she teased. “Since it’s the three of us tonight, do you wanna watch a movie together?” Lizzie was aware this was part of their plan to keep Eric as far away from the common room as possible. But she still played along as if this was the first time she heard this suggestion. She looked over at Eric to see how he felt about this. “Oh, come on. It’s just one movie. You two can have all the private time in the world after, I promise.” Suddenly there was a pause. Curious, Lizzie looked back at Olivia and saw a strange look on her flatmate’s face. She was looking straight at Eric now. “You’re not going to be home tomorrow. Tonight is the only time I’ve got to spend time with you.”

Had she not known exactly what was going on, Lizzie would have missed all the hidden meanings behind Olivia’s words just now. It wasn’t just that Eric wasn’t going to be home for his birthday. Lizzie was suddenly transported back to that long car ride to Barking when Olivia told her for the first time about Eric’s sad birthdays alone. All those years with high hopes that he would get to spend them with his mother. Only to be disappointed when she never came home. They must have ruined birthdays for him. It was no wonder he never once clarified when exactly his birthday was when Lizzie asked so long ago. She could see now how important it was to Olivia that they celebrate his birthday. It was the one time in a year he was allowed to feel special. To feel wanted. To feel loved.

Lizzie turned from Olivia back to Eric. She watched him closely as his expressions changed with whatever thoughts that were running through his head. But eventually, he agreed to an impromptu movie night. This brought an instant grin on Olivia’s face and she instructed the both of them to meet in her room while she prepared popcorn. “It’s freezing in the common room. At least my space heater will make sure we don’t freeze to death.”

Olivia’s desktop computer screen was already turned to face her bed when they walked into her room. She followed behind Eric as he led them over to the end of the bed closest to her desk. While Olivia made popcorn - and set up most of the birthday decorations - they were put in charge of finding a movie to watch. Thankfully it was late enough that Lizzie didn’t have to worry about a movie being too short to finish before midnight. So whatever movie they ended up choosing would either finish around midnight or they would need to pause it once midnight came.

So far their plan was working. It seemed like Eric didn’t have a clue what was going on. As he focused on the movie, Lizzie briefly turned to look at her flatmate. When their eyes locked, Olivia gave her a knowing wink. She returned the gesture with a smile then turned her attention back to the movie. It would be showtime soon. Just a few more minutes.

In the corner of her eye, Lizzie caught Olivia looking down at her phone. “Hang on, pause. I need to pee,” she said soon after. Lizzie watched as Olivia climbed out of bed to pause the movie. “I’ll be right back. Don’t you dare go on without me,” she threatened then rushed out of her room, leaving Lizzie and Eric alone to wait. Lizzie pulled her phone out from under the pillow to look at the time. Just ten more minutes until midnight. When she looked up at Eric, he didn’t seem at all affected by the prospect that it was going to be his birthday soon. In fact, he just looked like he was ready to go to bed being cuddled up beside her.

“Hey,” she said, elbowing him gently in his rib, “You holding on okay?” She then wiggled out of his embrace so that she was kneeling in front of him now. “You’ll be able to knock out soon. The movie’s almost done.”

Minutes passed before Lizzie’s phone buzzed in her hand. She didn’t need to look at it to know what that meant. “Hey babe? I kinda wanna refill the popcorn. Come with me?” she asked as she pocketed her phone. As they climbed off Olivia’s bed, Lizzie grabbed the popcorn bucket then led the way back to the hallway.

“Huh, the door to the common room is open. Maybe Ricki’s home?” Lizzie commented as she stared with excitement at the now lit up common room. She was so nervous and it showed in her almost death grip on the popcorn bucket. Just a few more steps to the big reveal.

“Surprise!” Olivia cried out as soon as they stepped into the common room. Lizzie was all smiles now. The balloons floated behind the coffee table, weighed down so that the 2 and 5 could be seen properly. On the coffee table itself were party favors and three paper plates that matched the table cover under it. And on the couch that used to be Eric’s bed were the gifts from the both of them. Lizzie put the popcorn bucket on the dining table while Eric took in the scene in front of him.

When she returned to his side, she wrapped an arm around his waist. “Happy Birthday, babe!” she greeted with a bright smile. “Come on~” She took his hand now to pull him over to the living room. Olivia quickly walked around the coffee table to meet him halfway and pull him into a hug. As she did this, Lizzie let go of Eric’s hand to slip away to the kitchen.

Lizzie carefully pulled the cake out of the refrigerator to place it on the kitchen island where Olivia left the candles for her. After sticking a few candles above “Happy Birthday” she grabbed the lighter and lit each one as quickly as possible. When the candles were all lit, Lizzie picked up the cake once more and walked it over to Eric who was now watching her.

“Happy birthday to you~
Happy birthday to you~
Happy birthday, dear Eric~
Happy birthday to you~!”

Lizzie stood in front of Eric with the cake and candles between them, the biggest smile on her face and nothing but love in her heart. “Make a wish, babe~”​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111818-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
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---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

It had only been two drinks…or was it one and a half? The verdict was still out on the specifics of that, but the shower definitely worked wonders to both calm him down and sober him up. And where the shower fell short, Lizzie picked up the pieces with the way she ran her fingers through his hair as she dried it. This was nice. It was such a relief knowing that Lizzie now knew that he knew that his troupe knew about her. Of course, not that it had ever been an intentional secret. Well sure, a part of Eric hadn’t wanted them to know, but it had nothing to do with Lizzie and everything to do with that now his friends would never live this down. And he knew they would be hounding him every single day now until he day he let them meet her— oh great, so Lizzie wanted to meet them too. It wasn’t a hard no in his books. In fact he did want her to be able to meet them. It was just the thought of his two worlds colliding just felt a bit much is all, ”Uhm…”

Eric couldn’t quite decide if he was thankful for Olivia barging in or if he was upset that she was interrupting his time with Lizzie. Probably both. She was saving him from a conversation he just didn’t want to deal with right now while he could still feel the slight buzz from that shot he had taken before leaving. But that buzz was what got him a little annoyed she had shown up. Well, not annoyed, but Lizzie had stopped running her hands through his hair and the entire mood of the room had shifted upon Olivia’s entrance. He met her gaze head on and held it, a sort of silent conversation being held across the room. It wasn’t often Olivia genuinely asked him to do something, but deep down he knew what this was about.

Admittedly, Eric had sort of forgotten about his birthday, both intentionally and accidentally. Sure he had known it was coming as soon as November hit, but with everything happening between him and Lizzie it completely slipped his mind until just the other day. But even then and earlier today it was never more than an, “Oh yeah that’s tomorrow”. It never crossed his mind with any sort of anticipation or excitement. It wasn't exactly dread either though. Eric was just numb to his birthday. Olivia always liked to do something for him and that was fine, it was just her. But pretty much for as long as he could remember he would withhold his birth date from anyone who asked.

Why did people make such a big deal out of birthdays anyway? Building up all this hope, excitement and expectations…
You know what’s awkward? When someone asks what you did for your birthday and when you reply that you didn't do anything the other person essentially starts shaming you for not celebrating. I'm sorry, whose birthday was it again? Why did people always feel so entitled to be involved? What was there to even celebrate…?

Birthdays always either went one of two ways. Either you try telling someone that it’s your birthday and you get a nonchalant and sort of forced, “Oh happy birthday”. Or you tell someone and they go all out and make such a big deal out of it. Essentially taking on your birthday as their own outlet for happiness. They wanted to do something for you. And they were excited for you. And they turned out to be both Olivia and Lizzie as Eric fell for their trap and walked unsuspectingly into the common room.

There were decorations galore and his eyes immediately landed on the massive 25 balloons. He got a little stuck on them, both a little overwhelmed as he processed the birthday surprise but also the little dose of reality reminding him that he was twenty-five now. How the hell did it make it this far on his own…

Eric stood sort of dumbstruck until Lizzie led him further into the room. His expression had finally softened from the initial shock when she touched him but the second he and Olivia made eye contact his eyes lit back up to shoot a quick glare at her. It was one of those looks where you can tell a person is trying so hard to be the tough guy and stay mad but really they were a breath away from being a little overcome with emotion. It was a look shared between best friends and siblings who knew exactly how to irk the other and would do so anyways because they also knew how to make the other feel loved and cared for.

He realized in that moment that it had been a while since he and Olivia had truly embraced. Everything had been so chaotic and they were on and off fighting nearly everyday. He missed it, but it also seemed tonight would be no exception to their arguing, ”You told her?!” His voice was hushed, kept between the two best friends. Though it wasn’t that Eric was upset about all this. Honestly? He was pretty touched. But it still went without saying that Eric did not like birthdays, his in particular, and now he was quite literally being forced into celebrating.

”Of course I told her. She should know, besides, look how happy she is.” Just after Olivia spoke she released Eric and grabbed his shoulders to turn him around to watch as Lizzie now oh so carefully carried a candle lit cake across the entire common room from kitchen to couch. Olivia was definitely right in that Lizzie looked arguably the happiest he’d ever seen her. She was glowing, not just from the flames reflecting onto her face, and she was so excited for this; all Eric could do was smile back at her. She was so cute. Even if he was mad about his birthday— which he wasn’t, or at least he wasn’t mad that they wanted to celebrate— he would never stand a chance at resisting Lizzie.

Time stopped for him. It finally stopped like he always begged it to and left him standing there with just Lizzie and the cake. The candles truly illuminated her face in a way that took his breath away and he just stood completely awestruck. Was this...real? Was this this all just some elaborate dream he would wake up from and find himself alone in the back of his car? It was just so hard to believe that this was really his, and he wasn’t referring to the cake. How was it that he came to be blessed by someone like Lizzie? Time and time again she proved that he didn’t deserve her, she was much too good for him. Was she real? And was she really his?

His smile only grew the longer he stared. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch her but there was a cake in the way and it wasn’t going anywhere until he dealt with those candles. Now that she had stopped just in front of him he reached out to take both of her hands and support holding this cake. While his hands pulled hers and the cake low to their waists, he just sort of stared, still mesmerized by the lights flickering in her eyes until Eric finally found his voice, ”Do you have any idea how beautiful you are right now...?”
His voice was soft, their foreheads nearly touching by the time he spoke but he kissed her before she had a chance to react. He didn’t want to hear it, not right now. He just wanted her and— oh right, the cake. Eric pulled back and brought their hands back up to swiftly blow out all the candles in one go, a surprising talent for one who hasn’t had a proper birthday cake in years.

It seemed Olivia had rushed back to the kitchen when Eric had pressed pause on life but she returned now with a bottle of...was that whiskey? Yup. And three shot glasses. ”Olivia no, I— “
Hadn’t he just sobered up from his drinks earlier? Actually was he even sober? He could have sworn that moment with Lizzie felt like he was on a whole other planet. But were they really going to start drinking now? It was midnight— ”Eric James Oliver,” Oh god, here it was, ”We worked our bloody asses off all day,” She had poured one shot and passed it to him, ”So—”

”Foooor he's a jolly good fellow,” there was a sort of distant voice now coming from down the hall and everyone in the common room froze to listen to this intruder.
”For he's a jolly good fellow,” the voice wasn’t exactly moving at first. Just a lot of shuffling noises, but then there was the unmistakable sound of the front door shutting.
”For he's a jolly good fellooooow,” it was finally getting closer.
”And so say all of us~” and there was Malcolm standing in the double door way with a huge smile, a large tote bag in one hand and a bottle of what appeared to be wine in the other. He quickly caught sight of the whiskey still in Olivia’s hand though and went into mild panic mode, going on about how he brought wine to pair with the cake and that the whiskey would...well Olivia cut him off, ”Well hurry up then!” Eric glanced down at the shot still in his hand pondering if he still had to drink it if they were switching to wine now.

That was a yes, Eric ended up stuck taking the shot he’d been poured but he at least managed to wrap his arm around Lizzie as they sunk into the couch together while the Boundary Flat Mum and Dad took care of pouring out the wine and cutting the cake.

”Okay wait wait wait!”
”Oliveee—” She had swiped the plate and wine from his hands and returned them to the table; he had really wanted to keep eating the cake Lizzie had made him... ”We’re doing presents now, before you can’t see straight.” He knew better than to point out that she was the one who seemed insistent on getting him drunk for his birthday.

Presents however were a daunting task for Eric. The decorations were fine, the wine was fine, the cake would have been fine if Olivia would let him eat it...because these were all things that could be shared amongst them all. It took the pressure of his birthday off of him and turned it into a group celebration. But presents were a very solo activity. All eyes trained on him unwrapping surprises and eagerly awaiting to see his reaction to whatever they had gotten him. Maybe this was why Olivia had been so quick to pour him shots and wine...she knew he’d handle this all much better once the edge was taken off. Sneaky girl…

”Well since Lizzie is stuck,” It’s true, Eric had been unable to separate himself from her ever since that shot after her dreamy cake presentation, ”Mine first!” She had already hurried over to the other couch and was grabbing two presents of completely different proportions. While one was rather massive looking, the other was a tiny box, almost like the kind you would put a ring in. She passed him the larger one first which forced him to release Lizzie and untangle himself enough to be able to open it. There had been a smile plastered on his face pretty much ever since he had first seen Lizzie carrying his cake, and while yes, the alcohol had brought it out more, it’s not like he wasn’t happy before it. The drink had just helped give him a more comfortable platform to express himself, ”Okay so I was a little on the fence about this at first but since you can be a real twat sometimes, I went ahead and got it.”

As soon as he made it through the layers of wrapping paper his hands made contact with a large, thick, quilted fleece blanket and Olivia carried on with her explanation of how even though he was supposed to be sleeping with Lizzie now— ahem, sleeping in her bed that is— she knew he would never listen to them and it was only a matter of time till she caught him crashed on the couch again. And so, a new blanket. To replace the dozens it took to keep warm out here. Eric immediately wanted to unfold it and wrap it around himself and more than anything just cuddle up and close his eyes but as if she had read his mind, Olivia was quick to insist he hand it back to her. She said something about how they were eating and she didn’t want him getting it dirty already. Next she passed over the super tiny box which Eric shook as though expecting to be able to guess it based off the sound, ”Just open it already.”

It was definitely not anything he could have guessed it to be. Opening the box revealed a shiny freshly cut key with a yellow rubber key fob cover and a little hand written note in the bottom of the box that read “Welcome Home”. Eric did pause for a minute seeing it. Thirty seconds of that were spent wondering what this key was for and the other thirty were spent realizing what it was and what it meant. He hadn’t had a home in almost six years. He’d been using the spare key out front for years like the overstayed guest he was and honestly Eric had fully expected to just keep using it. But here in his hands was his own key to the flat. This was home now. Here with his best friend of twenty years and girlfriend of two weeks. Olivia was quick to brush off his attempt to thank her by once again taking his present from him, this time saying she didn’t want him to lose it on the first night and that they could attach it to his keys in the morning, ”Lizzie, go~”

Eric wanted it all. He wanted to keep eating the cake Olivia had taken from him, he wanted to wrap himself up in his new blanket...that Olivia had also taken from him, and he wanted to stay cuddled up to Lizzie on the couch. But Olivia was now taking that from him too and he reluctantly watched his girlfriend jump to her feet to go fetch the last present off the couch

He glanced back and forth between her and the present now in his hands as though teasing by prolonging the opening process. It was hard to tell which of them was more excited in that moment but finally Eric began tearing the paper back until he held Lizzie’s now unwrapped present on his lap. It was a backpack. But not just any old backpack. It was his backpack. A damn near exact replacement of the one that had been stolen from him over a month ago and Eric didn’t have words. He turned it over, running his hands along the fabric. How had he managed for this long without a bag? And how long had Lizzie noticed him struggling because of it?

His arm snaked around Lizzie’s shoulders to pull her close for a hug with a, ”Thank you love.” This was the hard part that no amount of alcohol could help back him up for. How does one sound sincere without it coming off as forced or fake? How could he best portray his gratitude without making a whole dramatic mess of it? He kissed her cheek as he pulled away but made no move to actually separate from her. Nor would he for the rest of the night while they finished their cake and drinks.

In fact the only time Eric wasn’t holding her was after she had dropped him off at their bed while she went about any last minute tasks to get ready for bed or to help clear the dishes to the kitchen. Honestly Eric had missed what she had said. He was so tired now. Everything was fuzzy and took twice as much work to concentrate on. As much as he wanted to though, Eric couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Maybe it was because Lizzie hadn’t returned yet, or maybe it was because he was lowkey overheating a little. Between his t-shirt, hoodie, the new blanket he had brought to bed with him and the drinks in his system, Eric was definitely warm. Uncomfortably warm at that. There was just a whole lot going on and all the fabric was starting to irritate him.

By the time Lizzie returned he had abandoned both shirt and hoodie to the end of the bed and lay on his side of the bed only partially covered in his fuzzy new blanket. She climbed in bed finally after shutting the door and Eric was quick to reattach himself to her, pulling her close so her back was directly against his bare chest. He kissed her cheek again as that was what was easiest to reach in this position but he soon felt her struggle in his grasp just enough to be able to turn and look at him.

Truthfully Eric’s eyes were heavy and the pillow was quickly zapping what strength had gotten him through his birthday. Oh right, his birthday...she was asking if he had enjoyed it, “Mmm,” His answer sounded all sorts of sleepy but Eric was still both awake and tipsy enough to continue on, ”You know what my favorite part was?” It wouldn’t matter what her answer was, she never would have guessed it anyways, ”You.”

The kisses and cuddles didn’t last long, Eric soon fell asleep with his arm draped around her body and his hand under her shirt against her midriff where he could feel the rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took. His face was buried into her neck where just minutes ago he was planting kisses and whispering drunken words of love.​

​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ELIZABETH DARCY aka LIZZIE ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111818-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — eric
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BE SO CUTE -------- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU -------- WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SO MUCH

“Oh, your middle name is James?” Malcolm asked, looking mildly shocked that he just barely heard about this. Lizzie, standing right beside Eric, mirrored the same reaction though no one seemed to have noticed what with Olivia currently holding a very full bottle of whiskey in her hand. Just like finding out his exact birthday last week, it shocked her that she just found out his full name is Eric James Oliver. They’ve been involved for how long now? Shouldn’t finding out his birthday and middle name be one of the first things she learned once feelings were developed? Then again, Lizzie had to admit they weren’t like any normal couple. Hell, they were nothing like her previous relationships. So maybe not finding out these more basic details about Eric wasn’t that big of a deal.

After all, she still has not told him her real name isn’t actually Lizzie….

Once birthday shots were taken and birthday kisses given - Lizzie had sole claim to those, thank you very much - the rest of the late night celebrations went well. Lizzie was pleased to see that Eric was having a good time considering he knew nothing about this until about half an hour ago. He was all smiles and laughter was always seen at the corner of his eyes. Lizzie was relieved. With all she knew about his previous birthdays - even the ones when it was just him and Olivia celebrating - she feared that if she didn’t pay attention well enough he would suddenly turn and no longer enjoy this time. But as he took his first set of presents from Olivia to open, Lizzie knew she didn’t need to worry any longer. The mission was a success.

It was well after two in the morning when the four of them finally had to call it a night. The first set of yawns joined the party about twenty minutes ago and they were all certain the come down from the multiple glasses of wine had a contributing factor to it. While Malcolm and Olivia were put to the task of cleaning up the living room area, Lizzie helped Eric carry his birthday gifts back to their room. He insisted on sleeping with his new blanket tonight even though Lizzie knew Olivia bought it for him for living room use. But who was she to argue against the birthday boy? If he wants to sleep with his new blanket, then he can sleep with his new blanket.

There was a moment when Lizzie stood at the door to their room when she wondered if she had somehow passed out while in the bathroom and was now dreaming. It was suddenly very difficult to breathe. Mostly because her entire body was focused solely on Eric laying on their bed without a shirt on.

Honestly this should not have affected her as much as it did. It’s not like this was the first time she has ever seen him topless before. Just the other day she was practically feeling him up during her tattoo exploration. But there was just something about the way he laid there with his new blanket barely covering his torso that just had Lizzie so enamored by the sight of him. He just looked so peaceful and happy and she wanted to be an active part of that.

Even in the darkness of their bedroom, Lizzie was able to see her love clearly as he wrapped his arms around her to instigate bedtime cuddles. She already knew that anything more than the occasional kisses was off the table tonight. If she knew Eric as well as she believed she did, he was going to knock out any moment so she might as well enjoy as much of his lips on her skin as she can while he was conscious enough to be romantic.

Sure enough, the soft and tender kisses along her neck suddenly ceased and was replaced with slow and steady breathing against her ear. Lizzie turned her head slightly so that she could look at the side of Eric’s face; the most she can take in from this position. She smiled down at him then leaned into him enough to kiss his cheek before resting her head back on her pillow.

Sunday mornings have always been Lizzie’s favorite time of the week even when she was back in California. They were always so peaceful and without the pressures of responsibilities. She didn’t have to think about school work or swim training. Now that she was living in London, this good feeling remained. So despite having gone to bed close to three in the morning, she woke up around eight feeling rather refreshed.

The lingering images of her dream slowly faded away as she started to wake up. Not that she was entirely bummed to no longer be dreaming. All she needed to do was turn onto her other side to continue her beautiful dream.

Ever since Eric moved into the bedroom and slept on her bed - now their bed - Lizzie noticed a different sleep pattern from him. During the couple occasions she saw him sleep on the couch, whether he was ill or healthy, she saw that Eric was never really relaxed when he slept. And that was not just because he was sleeping on the couch. Even at his deepest sleep, he could be woken by the lightest shake and immediately on high alert of his surroundings. Nowadays, it was almost impossible to get him to even stir and open his eyes for a moment.

That pattern of behavior did not change at all this morning as Lizzie carefully turned onto her other side to face him. During the night, the blanket must have slid down his body leaving much of his upper torso exposed to the winter air. On top of that, he must have moved in his sleep a bit too much because now his hair covered his face. Lizzie giggled at the state of her dear boyfriend. Wiggling her arm free of his embrace, she brushed his hair out of his face then continued to run her hand through his hair while he slept. She kept at this for a while; an unknown amount of time while the world stopped in their little bedroom. There was a point as Lizzie gazed at Eric while he slept that she wished she could have this moment for the rest of her life. Eric deserved to have these kinds of Sunday mornings.

Eventually though, the world needed to remind her that life goes on. Eventually, Eric woke up. A bright smile spread across her lips as she pulled her hand out of his hair to pull his blanket over him and keep him warm. She didn’t want him waking up to a chill because he slept without a shirt on. “Good morning, birthday boy,” she greeted in a soft voice. As they mutually pulled each other closer, she leaned into him to kiss the corner of his lips. “Did you want to do anything this morning before life tears us apart for the rest of the day?” He didn’t. He was very adamant that they stay like this for as long as they can. Lizzie had no objections to this whatsoever.

Time once again stood still for the happy couple as they remained cuddled together in bed. At some point during their entanglement, Lizzie changed positions so that she was resting her head against Eric’s bare chest. As she listened intently to his racing heartbeat, her fingers absentmindedly traced the swallows tattoos. Every so often her fingernails would accidentally brush along his skin causing him to gasp and his body stiffen. But Lizzie never stopped what she was doing even as her fingers traced down from the swallows, past his nipples and stopped at the butterfly. She was so glad it was now morning and she could see his butterfly tattoo again.

“So...” Lizzie finally said after their quiet cuddle time. She switched positions again, turning so that she was laying on her stomach. She then perched her arm under her, pressed gently against Eric’s abdomen so that she could rest her chin on it. “Are you enjoying your birthday?”

“I know...I know you don’t like birthdays. Believe me, I can understand why,” she started slowly, turning her head to the side so she could rest it on her arm. “But...ever since I learned when the exact date was, I wanted so badly to change your mind...even if it’s only for just this year. You are so important to me and I love you so much. And call me selfish, but I wouldn’t have any of this if it wasn’t for this very day, twenty-five years ago. We wouldn’t be here right now without that day.” She reached her free hand to him to caress his cheek. Her thumb brushed his soft skin for a few more seconds before it moved to his upper lip. She then gently traced down the center of his lips, from the top lip to the bottom, until she let it linger for a couple more seconds against his bottom lip. “Happy Birthday, babe.”

Lizzie was laying on the bed now with her back slightly arched to make room for Eric’s arm under her. A soft moan escaped her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders in an effort to pull him even closer to her, if that was remotely possible at this point. As he moved on top of her and pressed his body against hers, their lips easily found each other. Another moan left her and her hands moved up to tangle into his hair. With her hands currently occupied, she allowed his hands to do as they pleased on her body.

Their tiny, romantic bubble eventually burst when her phone chimed endlessly on her bedside table. But it wasn’t her usual phone this time. Lizzie groaned in protest, letting her head fall back onto her pillow as she closed her eyes in silent prayer. She needed the familiar ringtone to shut up so she could get back to her moment with Eric. It was all so conflicting. On the one hand, her family was blowing up her US phone obviously wanting her attention. On the other, she couldn’t get enough of Eric’s bare stomach on her bare stomach. She let out a defeated sigh. As much as she would love to, she could not ignore her family. The constant chimes as new text messages came in would very quickly ruin any moment she had with Eric.

After sliding out from under him, Lizzie turned onto her stomach then reached across the bedside table for her US phone. She took it out of her desk last night while she was waiting for Eric and it has been charging ever since. Now that her family was well aware the phone was on and available for contact, they wasted no time taking advantage of that. It all started with her dad messaging her good morning. His good morning texts were always his gateway into starting a conversation with her and her sisters. From there it was just a wall of text messages from the rest of her family as they talked amongst themselves over their plan of action for today. All without waiting for her input. First off, weren’t they all under one roof? Why couldn’t they have this conversation together over breakfast so that she could be left alone with Eric?

Many sighs and a handful of text messages from her end later, Lizzie dumped her phone back on the bedside table then turned onto her other side to look over at Eric. “My family is now awake. Well, actually they’re Darcys, they’ve probably been awake for hours, but they’re in vacation mode and so they’re just deciding to be productive.” She sighed again as she rested her head on her pillow. “They’ll be coming over around lunchtime. Mary says, like, noon to one? Currently wondering if I should expect them at noon? The disadvantage of having doctors in the family. They are always on time somehow.”

She reached for her phone again, realizing she hadn’t checked the time when she was messaging her family. It was after ten. And if her family was to be believed, they would be here in about two hours. She could no longer deny it anymore. She had to get out of bed.

But first….

“Okay, so, I’m a little embarrassed showing this to you, but like, I’m not entirely sure if you check Insta often so you might end up missing it?” Based on the look Eric gave her now, she knew she should probably keep explaining. “Last night, while you were sleeping, I did a thing.” Yeah that was no better. But by then Lizzie had Instagram up on her phone - the UK phone - with her latest post on the screen.

After being up for approximately five hours, the post already had a fair amount of likes and just as many comments. She was fairly certain a majority of them were from her friends back in LA. It was about seven in the evening when it was posted. The post was an album of many photos of Eric. Some of them just had candid photos she took of him when they were out together; one or two while he was sleeping. The rest were of them together, mostly selfies. Except the very first one. Not including the picture she took of him sleeping this morning for her obligatory post to JKL for the snap streaks, this was the latest photo of the two of them together. It was taken last night without her knowledge and sent to her after she, Olivia and Malcolm went to bed. Olivia managed to capture the moment after they sang for Eric when it was just him and Lizzie standing together with the cake between them. In that picture perfect moment, it was clear they forgot the rest of the world existed outside of their bubble.

Below the photos, Lizzie’s caption for the post read: i must admit it. you got my heart, don’t know how you did it. and i don’t care who sees it babe. i don’t wanna hide the way i feel when you’re next to me. i love the way you make me feel. happy birthday babe!

“Good lord, who needs sugar with you two here?” Olivia teased when she walked into the common room. Naturally, she was poking fun at the fact that even outside the bedroom, Lizzie and Eric were still wrapped up in each other...even while they waited for breakfast to be ready. Lizzie giggled into Eric’s hoodie before lifting her head up to smile at Olivia. She did not bother moving away from Eric now that they had company. It wasn’t like they had anything to be ashamed of. They were just hugging...after kissing just a couple seconds ago.

The talk at the kitchen island over breakfast revolved around Lizze’s family’s upcoming visit. It was mostly Olivia and Lizzie exchanging ideas over how much needed to be tidied up in the flat before they arrived. Outside of Olivia and the boys’ rooms, Lizzie believed that there wasn’t much. That was until Olivia posed a very important point: what about Eric’s thing? Now things were tricky. While, yes, her sisters and probably her brother-in-law knew about Eric, none of them knew he moved into the flat last week. Nor did she want them to know. But they had just moved in all of Eric’s things a few days ago and now they needed to be hidden away somehow. Suddenly the debate whether the common room needed to be fixed up seemed pale in comparison to whether or not they needed to find a hiding place for his notebooks and Harry Potter books that were now on the shelf above her desk.

“Are you really not going to tell your dad that you and Eric are together?” Olivia asked incredulously over her cup of coffee. “Is he strict about you dating or something?”

Lizzie bit her bottom lip as she glanced over at Eric. “Not really, no. It just seems a little too soon for him to meet Eric?”

“But you’re all in the same country. This seems like the only time to introduce your boyfriend to your dad, no? Or else the next time will be over video chat.” Now Olivia was starting to sound just like her sisters. Lizzie defended the decision and explained to Olivia that Eric would be meeting her sisters in exchange. “I dunno. I still think you two should go all out on this. If your dad isn’t strict about you dating then why not?”

If Lizzie had to be honest, she really wanted Eric to meet her dad. She was so ready to show her dad just how amazing Eric was and how he was the best boyfriend ever. She didn’t mean to put on any pressure, but she knew that her relationship with Eric is right; perfect even. But Eric wasn’t ready and the last thing she wanted to do was force him to do something he didn’t want to do. And so, just to put a stop to this topic, Lizzie told Olivia that she would think about it while she cleaned up the flat.

After breakfast and washing the dishes, Lizzie went straight to work getting the flat tidied up. Olivia and Eric offered their services since there was now only an hour and a half left before her family arrived. While Olivia and Lizzie tackled the common room, Eric was given the task of moving some of things out of their room to temporarily hide in Olivia’s. He didn’t need to uproot his wardrobe, of course. Lizzie was sure she could think up some excuse for why it was there. But she was sure her family would not believe the notebooks and the Harry Potter books. First off, Lizzie hardly used notebooks nowadays. Second, all her Harry Potter books were back in her apartment in LA...and they were all hardcovers.

There was still much more to do and very little time to do it. However, luck came to Lizzie in the form of her nephew. After carrying Eric’s birthday balloons into their room - she could probably think of an excuse for those later - Lizzie received a text from Emma updating her that their new ETA would be sometime after one. Apparently Liam was still having a hard time adjusting to the time change and fell asleep.

Relief rushed through her as she sank into the couch with a long sigh. She was alone in the living room for a moment before Olivia came back from storing the blankets in the laundry room. Now that it was almost noon, Eric could no longer offer his services. He needed to get ready for work.

“So are you really not going to introduce Eric to your dad?” Olivia asked again when she sat on the other couch.

Lizzie exhaled a breath then sat up. “I guess not? But…” Lizzie turned her head toward the double doors. She listened for any sounds coming from the bathroom. A couple extra seconds later, she deemed it safe and faced her flatmate again. “Um, I haven’t said anything to Eric yet, but my sisters asked me to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. But I don’t know if I can ask him to do that. He’s already so nervous meeting my sisters. What more if he finds out there’s an all too perfect opportunity for him to meet my dad.” Olivia offered to talk to Eric, get him to reconsider. But Lizzie shook her head. If this meeting were to happen, this seemed like a conversation that she and Eric should have together.

When Eric returned to the common room, now dressed for work, Lizzie was back on cleaning duties. She looked up from wiping down the kitchen island, flashing Eric a bright smile. “Gee that’s a cool backpack you got there,” she teased with a giggle. Abandoning the wet wipes on the island now, Lizzie walked over to Eric to meet him halfway. As soon as he was right in front of her, she leaned up onto her tiptoes for a kiss. “Text me when you’re at the hotel, okay? I love you.” ​

​

 

[JINFINITE]

(❈)----▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀----ERIC JAMES OLIVER ⋮⋮
------ ❖ DATE — 111918-----------❖ LOCATION — the flat-----------❖ COMPANY — lizzie
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
---TRULY MADLY DEEPLY I AM -------- FOOLISHLY COMPLETELY FALLING -------- AND SOMEHOW YOU KICKED ALL MY WALLS IN

No matter how many times his brain screamed at him not to crush her, Eric’s body wouldn’t listen and left almost no space to breathe between them. Not that either of them could breathe with how tightly their lips locked with one another. He wasn’t just over her, he was on her. Eric had placed himself directly between her legs with his hips pressed hard against hers. What bit of weight wasn’t against her was being supported by his arm wrapped underneath her while his other hand held her neck, though he didn’t stay like this for long. Soon enough his hands wandered to touch everything in reach. At last one hand ended up on the underside of her thigh and slowly tracing up her leg and over her butt. As he reached the skin just under her shirt Eric finally broke away, and with the help of his solid core, completely removed himself from practically laying on her.

He wasn’t going anywhere though. Eric had scooted himself back from her so he now kneeled between her legs with both hands on her hips. His head rested just above the waistband of her pants but his eyes were trained on Lizzie’s face as his hands slowly slid up her sides and pushed her shirt up further and further. Still watching her, Eric planted his first kiss just below her belly button. His hands had slid over to her front, all ten fingers and his palms against her bare skin while her shirt continued to bunch at his wrists, all the while leaving gentle kisses behind as he worked his way back up her torso. He only stopped once to run his thumb across the word “always” he found etched into her skin.

She was liking this, a lot, but knowing that just drove him further and incited that desperate neediness they’d been experiencing lately. He was back on her now, his mouth stopping just short of her breasts to leap up to her neck while his body rolled against hers. Skin crashed against skin and Eric’s mind was gone.

It was still with Lizzie, but it was with Lizzie on a far away planet where it was just the two of them for all eternity. No one could reach them here and nothing else mattered. Here on this planet everything was absolutely perfect and nothing could pull them apart. Work didn’t exist, for either of them. There were no late night rehearsals or dizzying school schedules. His life in Barking couldn’t touch them and neither could hers in California. On this planet every touch of her fingers against his skin was pure ecstasy without a single sickening memory to haunt him. And all his own touches brought her such pleasure that left him excitedly wanting more and more.

Eric stayed focused on Lizzie’s neck while his body grinded against her. His hands couldn’t seem to decide whether to hold her tight or continue running across every inch of skin they could. He was barely breathing anymore— he’d quite honestly forgotten to— but when he did inhale his senses were completely overloaded by her scent which only led him deeper into this illusion of their private planet. Every noise she made and her small squirms under him urged Eric on and his hand left her chest now to slide down her midsection while his mouth sucked tenderly against a spot near the base of her neck, and then again.

The first notification from her phone went unnoticed; honestly he was still stuck on his faraway planet and hadn’t heard it. But then the second broke into his thoughts and he chose to ignore it. Whoever it was could wait. He was far too into her and refused to allow anything or anyone stop them now. He had been wanting this for far too long. Eric ignored the third chime as well. But when it just kept going he slowed to a halt and pulled back enough to see Lizzie’s face to see what she wanted to do. His breaths were heavy as he panted, his lungs fighting to regain all the oxygen he’d been depriving them of while he had been occupied with Lizzie. Eric’s eyes stared down at her, taking in every beautiful feature of her that was now accented by the darkening red mark he’d left on her neck. She seemed conflicted over the phone and he prayed she would just leave it be— she did not.

Eric was quick to assume it was her family again, after all he had seen how frequently they contacted her over the past few days. But what truly gave it away was the tone of her sighs. She just sounded so tired of dealing with this and she hadn’t even seen them yet!

He had only shifted his body enough to let her escape, but otherwise Eric sat right where they had been while he just waited and watched her for any sign of how this was going to play out now. As much as he wanted to, he was realistic and didn’t expect them to continue after this interruption. What he was waiting for was good or bad news concerning her family. What stresses were they laying on her now? Never before had Eric felt any sort of connection to his birthday but...Lizzie had made it so very clear how important it was to her. This was his day and now her family was stealing away the attention of the only gift he really wanted.

His hand ran against his own chest now, up to feel for his necklace and after assuring himself it was there he moved on to push back his hair, wishing that it was Lizzie’s hand instead— ow, no...abort. His fingers encountered a tangle that had no doubt been created by Lizzie herself. While she typed away on her phone Eric finally allowed his gaze to drop down to the mess of the bed around them. His own blanket had been kicked into a heap on the end of the bed while her comforter they had slept on along with the sheet underneath had gotten all disheveled in their intimacy. At last his eyes glanced down at himself and he could have sworn he felt the phantom touches of Lizzie’s fingers tracing both his tattoos and his very memory. It was a cold feeling compared to the heat he currently felt and it left him rather confused and trapped in his head until Lizzie’s voice pulled him back to her.

Lying back down beside her, Eric did his best to concentrate on her recap of her conversations with her family but his hand missed her so much already and quickly made contact to rest possessively over her frame. Then she went on to mention Insta and that’s when she really lost him, that is, until she held her phone up so the screen faced him

Curious as to what she had meant by “Did a thing”, Eric took her phone and with his head nestled into the pillow began to slowly swipe through the photos without a word. Most of these he had never seen before and a couple he had no recollection of. Or at least he couldn’t quite pinpoint what the exact occasion had been. She really, really was loving him his birthday, more than Eric would have thought humanly possible.

“You’re adorable...” There was a small smile on his face as he swiped through them back to the beginning, but then rather than passing her phone back to her when he was done, Eric instead set it down between them. His hand found hers and interlaced their fingers the way he loved it so with a little squeeze. As he turned his body towards her, with his other hand he reached to brush her hair over her shoulder so his hand could once again return to hold her neck as he leaned in with parted lips to kiss her own. The intensity from before had gone and instead left him with this slow and gentle passion, “I love you…” Even after breaking away he stayed put, content to just stare into her eyes while his thumb caressed her neck and ran across the by now rather vivid mark he’d given her earlier. Oops.

It was definitely a bit of a struggle for Lizzie to get him out of bed after all they’d been up to this morning. He had told her himself after all that all he wanted to do was stay in bed with her today. He held her tight when she fought to free herself and get out of bed, laughter settling into both of their smiles until Eric finally stopped playing hard to get and let her pull him out of bed. Well, the effort was all on his part, but she had been pulling his arm pleading that they get up. Eric couldn’t refuse her, not when she made that face at him coupled with the tone in her voice. But at the same time, when had he ever been able to refuse her? Whether she was begging him or not. What Lizzie wanted, Lizzie got. Eric would steal the moon for her if he could, he’d take the stars from the skies and leave them in her eyes for him to stare into for all eternity.

But now that the heat they’d created had cooled, Eric was all too aware that he was still shirtless and outside of her bed was a chilly, unfriendly temperature. He fought through a shiver as he reached for his abandoned clothes from last night. In all their antics they had fallen from the bed and onto the floor and they were cold to the touch as he slipped into both t-shirt and hoodie. The cool fabric shocked his body alert but he knew it would warm back up soon enough.

Lizzie went to the kitchen first while Eric made a detour to the bathroom, but when he returned to her he found she hadn’t gotten far beyond turning on the kettle and coffee maker for their preferred beverages. Honestly he was still super sleepy from going to bed so late, all the wine and his back to back schedules. But Eric was riding high from his morning with Lizzie and that was just about the only thing that was keeping him going at this point when he would have loved to go crawl back into bed.

Once breakfast was agreed upon and started, the water for his tea was ready and Lizzie went straight to work preparing it just the way he had shown her all those weeks ago. Eric was all smiles seeing how second nature it had become to her by now as he came up behind her to slip his hand back under her shirt against her stomach and gently pull her back against him. His head tilted down to kiss at her neck and she was giggling now as she told him to stop; she was making his tea! Eric didn’t exactly stop but he at least put a half pause on his actions until she was done handling the boiling water. Once her hands were free he took a few steps back, clumsily pulling his still giggling girl with him so they stumbled together until he was leaning against the kitchen island and had turned her to face him. Eric’s hands had adjusted as well and while they stayed under her shirt, they had settled into the small of her back, pressing her close against him as he leaned into her to kiss the laughs away before anyone could hear them.

Eric had opted to stay quiet and uninvolved in Lizzie’s debate with Olivia over meeting her father. Lizzie already knew his stance on the matter, she was well aware how nervous the prospect of just her sisters made him...to meet her father on top of that? Definitely no. But conversations like this with Olivia rarely went his way. All the walls seemed to be down for good now and Olivia was talking with Lizzie like she would to him: pointing out truths they had been trying to ignore and clearly knowing what was best for them while they just went in circles about the whole thing. Eric felt bad for Lizzie for a moment watching this all play out. Now that they were together, for real, Olivia wasn’t holding back. Lizzie would get the same tough love treatment he received.

It was that very same tough love that had him now clearing out and attempting to tidy their room, as per Olivia’s insistence. Lizzie had said he didn’t need to, that she would take care of it, but Olivia had her Mum pants on that morning and said that birthday boy or not, he needed to help her out. It was his stuff after all. But at long last he was in the shower to freshen up and finish waking up— he had a long night ahead of him and he would not survive if he went in still stuck in his birthday festivities hangover.

Would saying goodbye to her ever come easily? Eric was conflicted whether he wanted it to or not. He didn’t like this sad, selfish, longing that he felt when leaving her. But he also never ever wanted to turn his back on her and not feel anything. Couldn’t he find some happy middle ground?
He smiled into their kiss, relishing this last moment he had with her knowing he wouldn’t see her again for over twelve hours. He was going to be stuck at work while she was here playing hostess to the Darcys. The big day she had been stressing over all week was finally here and he wouldn’t be here to support her through it. Not that he wanted to be here of course...the last thing he wanted right now was to be in a room with her family. But surely he could just pull his invisibility cloak out of the attic just to stay by her side, ”Love you more…”

Work was tough today. Things just weren’t going right with little setbacks here and there. But what really took the cake— his birthday cake— was a large, entitled American family who just kept arguing for no apparent reason other than that they could. Any time Eric had to inform them that their request couldn’t be fulfilled, one of them would retort back, ”Actually, it can.” With this self righteous, superior attitude. As though it were his responsibility to attend to their every demand regardless of whether or not it was possible. At one point one of them even asked for a specific beverage, one that the hotel did not stop, and when he explained that he was just met with a scoff and this demeaning complaint of how it was his job to serve them and he should “figure it out”. It wasn’t just with him that they argued though. They argued amongst themselves even more and would cut each other off mid sentence or change their minds at the drop of a hat.

It was both exhausting and infuriating, and to make matters worse, Lizzie wasn’t responding as frequently as she usually did. He knew she was with her family and that he couldn’t expect her to be at his beck and call like he apparently had to be at work. But that just got his head spinning in his muddy puddle of puppy love and lividity. How could two people be so vastly different?? The British tended to overall be very much the same. They all liked things done properly and in a specific way. Keeping order was important and honestly they were usually his best guests. But America itself was huge. It was absolutely mindblowing that his little Lizzie and this family that had been driving him up a wall all afternoon were from the same place. They had said they were from Florida, and while admittedly Eric didn’t know where exactly that was, he knew it had to be far far away from California because how else could they be so very different from Lizzie? Her family wasn’t anything like this, right? Right?!

He had opted all day not to tell her about his ordeal at work. He could tell her later, the last thing he wanted was to add to her stress. But Lizzie still hadn’t responded to his last text yet, and while technically it wasn’t a big deal...it was to Eric. Not so much that he needed her to respond, he just needed her— in any way, shape or form he could get. He found himself opening Instagram and was most definitely not prepared for the number of notifications he had waiting for him. There were three tagged photos, several comments he had been mentioned in and a surprising amount of follow requests from people he didn’t know.

The tags were from Lizzie, Olivia and Diana. All birthday shout outs of course but for the time being he skipped over the Thompson sisters and clicked Lizzie’s post instead. Slowly swiping through the photos he still found it hard to believe that this had all really happened. The memory of last night flooded back to the forefront of his mind as he returned to the first photo. It was Lizzie, himself and the cake during that perfect moment when time had stopped. But despite it being captured in a photograph, it was nothing compared to experiencing it first hand. Lizzie had taken his breath away in a way that he had never experienced before and he might never get that breath back. It was hers, now and forever. She owned his very heart, mind, soul and ughh— he missed her so much. He didn’t want to be here at work a moment longer but he still had literal hours to go before he could even think about his commute back to the flat.

True to her word, Olivia had attached his little yellow capped key to his keychain that morning and he now fished it out of his brand new backpack to unlock the front door. For the first time he didn’t have to do that awkward glance around to make sure no one was watching him pull the spare key out. For the first time he didn’t have to wait to step inside because he needed to go rehide the key. For the first time in the week he had been officially living here, Eric finally was starting to feel like he belonged— like this was home.

Once inside he paused to assess the current situation: the hallway was dark, all the bedrooms shut, the bathroom was open but dark, and then there were the common room doors wide open with light spilling into the hall. Had Lizzie waited up for him again? He could have sworn he had heard a voice a moment ago while standing in the hall but when Eric reached the open common room doors he found Lizzie sitting alone on the short couch with her laptop on her lap and what looked to be headphones plugged in. Well that explained why she hadn’t come to greet him earlier or even looked up at the sound of the front door. But as curious as he was as to what she was looking at, Eric first needed to feel her in his arms so she could kiss away the disaster his perfect day had turned into.

His bag was over one shoulder but he let it slip to the floor at the edge of the couch as he came up behind Lizzie and bent down to snake both arms around her. She was soft with his new blanket wrapped around her, but this wasn’t the type of soft he wanted. She had gasped, but Eric could only repay her for the startle by giving in to what he wanted most and he buried himself into her neck yet again. This was the softness he had wanted, not the fleece that had kept her warm in his absence but her skin that he had spent all morning tracing and claiming as his own.​

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