Shiva the Cat's Super Awesome Soundtrack (Comments Welcome!)

[Darkest Nightmare]

 

[Shiva the Cat]

I think one of the biggest dangers when you have musical ADD like I do is that sometimes when you get so excited about discovering a new band, it pushes the memories of an old favorite right out of your head. For example, I haven't thought about these dudes in like a year:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2Leo9HSaGQ

((Yes I know Brian Fallon had a new album out this spring but I listened to it once and immediately forgot it))

Here's a story about a time I saw The Gaslight Anthem in concert with a friend from high school I hadn't seen in like six years

So me and this girl, "Maggie" (not her real name) were kind of friends on and off throughout high school, but not super duper close or anything. She might have dated this guy I had a huge crush on my freshman year, but that is neither here nor there.

Anyways, Maggie had this boyfriend, "Frank," who was just the biggest freaking teddy bear in our entire school. He looked like a young Jerry Garcia (beard and all, even at 15) and I don't know a single person who didn't love him, except for my yorkie who thought he was some kind of bear every time he came over to my house. Regardless, he was a great dude, and it annoyed a lot of us that Maggie would kind of jerk him around and flirt with other guys in front of him, and just generally treat him not as well as he deserved. They ultimately broke up senior year, and Maggie started dating this dude from another school, "Jeff," who was basically a skinnier, more substance-abuse-y version of Frank. Still a decent dude though, and I stayed friends with all three of these characters via social media all through college, although we never hung out in person during any of that time.

Fast forward to when I'm 23 (so five years later). The Handwritten album had just come out, and being the influencer I was at the time (note this was before Instagram was even really a thing) I posted my favorite song on FB (pretty sure it was this one) and who comments on my post about their upcoming tour but Maggie! Turns out they were playing a concert at a pretty famous venue in our hometown, and she randomly asked if I wanted to go with her. Being the obsessed fan I was at the time, I said sure, and we made plans to share a ride over.

Now at this point Maggie and Jeff had gotten engaged and were a few months out from getting married. I knew this already, and was pretty skeptical because from what I've seen, marrying your high school sweetheart doesn't really work out in the long run (see: my parents). But I kept my mouth shut and we caught up about other things, life after high school etc., and before the show we decided to head to the merch tent to pick up t-shirts. And who happens to be right in front of us?

Frank.

Now, after Maggie and Frank broke up in high school, Frank did not date ANYONE else. Which is a shame, because post-high school he started working out a lot more and taking better care of himself, and while at this point he was still a big dude he was built more like a beefcake than a stuffed animal. And I could tell from the first moment I laid eyes on him he was still in love with Maggie, 6+ years after their breakup. Naturally he hung around us for the entire show, even asking her to slowdance during a couple of the songs. Maggie politely told him no, and I went and got another beer because while I've been the third wheel before, this was awkward as fuck.

Anyway, the concert was actually a double header between the Gaslight Anthem and Rise Against, so once the latter went on stage Maggie and I decided to bail immediately. That was the last time I ever saw Frank. I did see Maggie one more time though; she invited me to her wedding to Jeff. It was pretty good, but it was a little weird because the venue was the same place we had our senior prom, during which Jeff was caught doing a line of coke and got kicked out.

Maggie and Jeff got divorced two years later, and now she's married to some other rando and still lives in our hometown. She unfriended me on FB for a while, but did decide to follow me on Insta for some reason. I'm happy to announce Frank did eventually get another girlfriend, and judging by what he puts out on the internet he seems like he's in pretty good place. Good job, Frank.

The end.

I'm also gonna post this song because it makes me feel feelings.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3sQsWuDHrw

 

[Darkest Nightmare]

A nice story. It’s funny how music is tied very much to events in your mind.

Certain songs still remind me of events, sometimes so much I can’t even listen to a couple of them because... cringe!

 

[Shiva the Cat]

One of my favorite tunes from spooky season:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ9aT-Wa_tE


Hoping this will make a cameo somewhere in An Occurrence Near Dunwich at some point, but we shall see!

 

[Darkest Nightmare]

Perhaps there needs to be a monster's ball with this as the theme song?

 

[Shiva the Cat]

I was thinking more an ominous radio playing in an empty room, after power has invariably been cut from the house (because you gotta).

 

[Shiva the Cat]

No posts today folks, possibly not tomorrow. Between a case of general malaise and more work nonsense, my mind is definitely elsewhere at the moment.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl0ahDKR0QU

 

[Shiva the Cat]

I rarely post the same artist twice, but when I do it's Warren and you can bet I'm feeling nostalgic.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcnHhRPTbZY


Fun Fact: When I was six years old my dad snuck me into a bar to see this guy. It was the only time I ever got to see Warren in concert, considering he died when I was a freshman in high school (and also my mom was mad when my dad brought me back to her house smelling like cigarettes the next day, so he wasn't allowed to take me to another concert until I was a teenager).

 

[Shiva the Cat]

In a lot of pain this weekend. Not emotionally, necessary; I've kind of learned this year is what it is, and the only thing to do is keep trying and move forward with the smallest steps possible. But holy shit that is hard when it feels like a knife is stabbing you in the abdomen, and the only way to deal is to carefully balance out medications so you don't end up in the hospital for liver failure. I know laying around and hoping it'll just go away probably isn't the best plan at the moment, but anything to avoid taking up a hospital bed right now, amirite?

At least in times like this I feel like it's very appropriate to indulge in my basic white girl weakness of loving a scratchy-voiced man with an acoustic guitar.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsKZKKm_ydc


And yes, for those who are wondering, posts will continue to be delayed until I can go at least a half a day without pain meds

 

[Darkest Nightmare]

I hope you are feeling better!

Not to discount your basic white girl acoustic cravings, but here is my favorite long distance call themed song, perhaps the original?


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1gpDcc3FBI

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Oh man, can't believe it's been almost two weeks since I've graced y'all with some new tunes.

I do apologize to all my partners though for not really being around in general. My mind has been elsewhere and writing hasn't been as appealing as curling up with a good book or enjoying this insanely awesome weather (Pro-tip for y'all: Go to Colorado in October. If you avoid the parts that are on fire, the rest of the weather is warm and sunny and the tourists are mostly gone).

It's probably good though that I'm slowing my reply cadence down a bit, since I've decided in November I'm going to attempt NaNoWriMo for the first time in six years. I've got a solo project I've been worldbuilding and putting together notes for over the past three years, and this seems like as good a time as any to buckle down and just get it out. I'm still going to try to save at least one weekend day to catch up on replies, but the rest of the time I'm going to try to hit the 2000 words a day goal (which, based on my posting history, is honestly pretty achievable ).

In the meantime though, here's some more of my favorite band that I'm still mad about missing at Red Rocks this year.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG6jq7WaK0c

 

[Shiva the Cat]

OMG you guys, I am FINALLY caught up! I knew spooky season was going to be lucky for me.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rlYPb2plaY

 

[Shiva the Cat]

So it's snowing again. I did not leave the midwest for this bullshit.

At the same time though, everything is on fire again, so this is actually kind of a godsend.

The crappy thing is though I actually need to go out and drive in this shit tomorrow

Buuuuuut good thing I just bought a new car!

Unfortunately it's still being built and won't be here for at least a month.

Oh well, at least I got psychobilly to keep me busy in the meantime. SIX DAYS TILL HALLOWEEN!!!!! And seven until I can watch Coco and have a good cry on a Sunday morning because that's how I roll


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YURIawFji9Y

 

[Shiva the Cat]

In Which Shiva Bitches About Her Troublesome Lady Bits

If 2020 was a person on fire in front of me I wouldn't piss on it to put it out.

As some of y'all know, I have endometriosis which is just all kinds of fun [/sarcasm]. For the past year or so I've been chalking up my absolutely horrendous periods to that, and in hopes of regulating and easing the pain the renders me almost immobile for 3-7 days out of the month I went in yesterday to get an IUD. Thanks to my labyrinthine chamber of secrets they needed to do an ultrasound in order to put the device in the right spot, only to discover my ovary is three times the size it's supposed to be, because I am that much of an overachiever.

So even though I was planning to start NaNoWriMo this weekend I instead get to prepare for surgery at the asscrack of dawn on Monday, then be ready to miss at least a week of work, possibly two. Also the money that was supposed to be put towards my new vehicle now gets to go towards fixing up my broke-ass egg factory, and without a new car I can kiss my trip back east to see my family (whom I haven't seen in over a year) goodbye, on account of airports are gross and I don't need to potentially infect my immunocompromised family members (including Mr. The Cat himself) with the 'Rona.

In short...

Me: I am going to get something productive out of 2020.

2020: BITCH YOU THOUGHT

If you're just here for the tunes though, here ya go:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7sOZ_TFUXg

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Woof, what a week, amirite?

Surgery was about as fun as could have been expected (which is to say, not very fun at all even with all the drugs). No major complications, although I unfortunately ended up losing an ovary and fallopian tube in the process. Luckily I just got confirmation today that there was no cancer found, just an even more bitchin case of endometriosis than expected. I've been told my fertility won't be impacted, but even if it is Mr. The Cat and I are definitely not parent material so as long as I don't begin menopause before 35 I'll be happy. But with a lot of the problem tissue removed and an IUD inserted hopefully things will even out a little bit over the next few months.

Meanwhile though...can't say I was upset to see the developments in PA and GA this morning

All in all, I feel quite sure I am not going to end up a Handmaid anytime soon. Maybe a Martha, but definitely not a Handmaid.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV9JJmSCiI8

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Okay, which one of you took all of the November and didn't leave any for the rest of us?

The past few weeks have seriously been such a blur. After I finished recovering from my surgery, I ended up diving right back into a big pool of work and I've barely kept my head above since. Now it's Thanksgiving week, and I'm trying to avoid getting too bummed about the upcoming holidays.

Thanksgiving itself is fine; usually it's just me and Mr. The Cat cooking whatever I feel like cooking (this year it's jambalaya with Beyond Meat sausage and a bunch of other pescatarian Cajun goodies) while wearing pajamas and watching MST3K Turkey Day. This year I invited my aunt to join us as well, since she won't be spending it with her 70-something-year-old bf in another state because obviously that's not a very smart idea right now (and yes, we've been quarantining to keep Aunt The Cat safe as well).

I'm more depressed about Xmas. Every other year I go back to the Midwest to visit my parents and siblings, and on off years my dad comes out and stays with us. I haven't seen my mom, stepdad, or sister since summer of 2019. I haven't seen my brother since January. I haven't seen my dad since June. Don't get me wrong, there's a reason I live 1500 miles from my immediate family, but I always took it for granted that I could go back and visit whenever I wanted. I think if I was still getting a new car I might have been tempted to chance it (still bitter about having to spend all that money on my bad lady parts) but there's no way my 10-year-old Yaris without cruise control can handle that drive in winter.

I'm going to try and stay positive about the whole thing though. I'm still taking the time off work, and it'll be nice to actually have a whole week off where I'm not screaming in pain or trying to entertain guests (or both amirite). I should hopefully have more time to focus on RPing then as well, although I need to be careful not to fall back into the position where I was in September, where I kept picking up partners until I had like 12 stories I owed posts on I have no self control.

And that's the latest news in Shivaland! Hope everyone has a good holiday, and in the meantime here's another band I forgot I was obsessed with eight years ago:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A76a_LNIYwE

 

[Shiva the Cat]

It's December y'all. Winter is upon us. More specifically, Xmas music is upon us.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ2Mi54jzVg


Yes there is some question on whether the above is an actual Christmas song, but you know what I will take this over Michael Bublé on loop for the next 28 days. I did my time working retail AND food service, I know how it is to hear the same fucking songs over and over again this time of year. Shit, even my office was playing a bit too much Mariah Carey for my liking this time last year (and I say this as someone who slept with Mariah Carey cassettes under her pillow at the age of six). Now that I am remote...still...Boss Lady Shiva decides what Christmas music is appropriate for my guest room home office, and if you're lucky I might share some of the best examples over the next few week.

You're welcome.

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Today should have been a lovely opportunity to get caught up on posts. I had very few meetings scheduled, no major projects before the last big round of analyses before the holiday, emails were pretty quiet for the first two hours, and I even got pretty well started on something for Parables...

And then it was like everyone and their brother not only had to bother me with questions (which I acknowledge is part of my job as a data person), but stupid questions I have answered several times before to these same goddamn people. If I had a dollar for every "PER MY EMAIL ON [DATE]" I had to spit out today I could afford to buy a fresh bottle of wine, which imma sorely need after dealing with these people.

I totally get holiday brain y'all, I've even been experiencing it pretty bad myself for the last week. But Jesus Christ if you're going to hassle someone about needing an analysis done right away before the client goes nuclear on you, maybe fucking read the report you're asking for as soon as you get it, not three months later.

So yeah. Gonna spend the rest of the day in a 90s Alterna-Rock hole before I have to pretend I know how Pathfinder works before our new game starts tonight. Posts will maybe come tomorrow? If not, definitely on Friday. #Pray4Shiva


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-r-V0uK4u0

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Lord but it has been a week. I'm almost totally dug out of my RP hole and I think all the major projects for 2020 are behind me (famous last words). Now I just need to keep Mr. The Cat off Amazon because THE MAN BOUGHT A SAXOPHONE AND HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE SAXOPHONE AND I'M PRETTY SURE OUR NEIGHBORS WILL KILL US WHEN THEY HEAR HIM ATTEMPT TO PLAY. Also I fucking hate the saxophone so if I ever disappear randomly from the site, y'all will know they arrested me for killing my husband.

In the meantime, it's snowing. Here's another Xmas song, and the only version of this particular song that I will ever acknowledge.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2k7NVh6pRg


Now Imma need to go get some pomegranate LaCroix. And maybe some vodka.

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Merry Christmas everybody! Hope y'all had a great holiday and you're pumped to finish out the dumpster fire that is 2020.

Now that the actual day is behind, I'm doing a lot better mentally now that I don't have to dread spending the holiday far away from my family (aside from Shiva Jr. and Mr. The Cat, who spent the holiday playing video games and eating cookie crumbs off the floor. I'll leave it to you to decide who did what). I'm still off work until January 4th with absolutely nothing to do besides chill out, so I'm hoping to be a lot faster for my response times over the next week. I'm even caught up today and toying with the idea of adding some new stuff to my RT to pick up one more person, but I'll see how I feel about that when I'm not drinking one bottle of red wine a day.

In the meantime, I've decided to indulge in my one true fandom and rewatch the Hobbit and LOTR movies. It's been about a year since I last visited them, and even just putting on An Unexpected Journey today gave me such a warm sense of familiarity that I didn't even know I desperately needed.

I should probably warn y'all that because this is MY journal and whatever I do what I want, I'm planning to log my personal feelings on each of the films here as I watch them. Thoughts on An Unexpected Journey are below the song, but in the meantime enjoy the rousing voice of Thorin Sexyshield and the Backstreet Dwarves.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyy_FIYE7EE

In Which Shiva Waxes Poetic On Her Dwarf Fetish

Okay look, I know the Hobbit movies have a few many, many problems, but casting Richard Armitage as Thorin is NOT one of them.

I 100% blame this man for giving me a lady-boner for dwarves the way most people have for elves. I give zero fucks if a dude is like 5 feet nothing; if he has a sexy beard, broad shoulders, the ability to properly classify diamonds (because I am a bougie bitch), and smash people's skulls in with an axe he is good in my book. Also if this movie had never been made I'm pretty sure Over Hill And Under Tree would not be a thing, which is a shame because that RP is the longest I have ever been involved in over my twenty years of forum posting.

Also, I appreciate the fact that the writers tried super kind of hard to give each of the dwarves distinct personalities, which is more than Tolkien did if you exclude Thorin, Balin, and Dori from the equation (and in the case of the latter, I don't think having to carry Bilbo around all the time really counts as a personality, imo). The more times I watch this movie the more I pick up on the little details that differentiate each one, and not gonna lie: I also kind of have a thing for Bofur. Don't judge me, I like a guy who can make me laugh and who enjoys dancing on tables.

Now yes, I will acknowledge the whole Azog subplot is stupid and unnecessary, and Radagast could have been done better (love them rabbits though), but dammit this movie still gives me the wanderlust shivers during the Over Hill segment and makes me want to go up to Rocky Mountain National Park for a solo larp session inspiring hike even though it's winter and I still don't have a new car. Also Galadriel with her swirly turntable gown is my queen and I absolutely ship her with Gandalf, because Celeborn is probably the most unnecessary character in the entire canon and half of y'all probably don't even realize she was married.

Additionally, I have to admit the more I revisit these movies I totally see where the Thorin x Bilbo shippers are coming from. That hug at the end, man...and the fact that Bilbo never marries after Thorin dies...just sayin'.

And that's all the shipping I have to talk about for now. Tomorrow I'll be watching Desolation of Smaug, so you can look forward to a little rant on that subject then.

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Welcome back folks! I just finished watching Desolation of Smaug, and boy howdy do I have some thoughts and opinions about it. So many in fact I needed to put it under a spoiler because I'm pretty sure it's at least twice than my average post length (cue comedy drum riff).

You can't blame me though, all I did was open up a bottle of pinot and write down my thoughts below as they popped into my head. Since this is still technically a list of my favorite songs though, I've still got a video for you to enjoy. It's not that Ed Sheeran travesty that plays over the credits (he doesn't belong in Game of Thrones, he doesn't belong in LOTR. Go back to Harry Potter where you belong you Weasley-looking fuck), but it is, in my opinion, the best piece of music to come out of the movie.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gbWL7MJ_kI


I'll be back tomorrow to wrap up this trilogy with the Battle of Five Armies. I have a feeling I'm going to need even more booze to get through that one. #pray4Shiva

In Which Shiva Has A Lot Of Questions For The Writing Team

-OMG they did my boy Beorn so dirty in this movie. Don't get me wrong, I love the sexy deep voice and Russian accent, but those eyebrows...and the werewolf hair... *shudder*

-Super annoyed they left the Attercop bit out of the spider fight. Anyone can get all stabbity with eight-legged monstrosities, but it takes a special type of person to annoy them into submission

-Okay so I honestly don't mind Tauriel as character (Evangeline Lilly and her non-mask-wearing privileged little ass though...), but I think she would have been a lot better received if Legolas wasn't there. If he was out of the picture she'd feel a little less like a fan-fiction self-insert character from 2002 and more like a legitimate foil for Kili over the next two movies.

-Related: I honestly love the idea of one of the dwarves hooking up with an elf, but did they have to make it the obviously sexy one (besides Thorin, who I think I'm officially starting to ship with Bilbo now)? Like could Bombur not get any love here? Proof further backing up my theory that elves are shallow af.

-I take it back what I said about Galadriel yesterday. Thranduil is mah queen.

-I think I could get off to the sound of Thorin cursing people out in dwarvish. Just sayin'

-Anyone else relate to Tauriel when someone tells you to step off their man their son and you just have to tell them as nicely as possible that you are not interested because said dude is kind of garbage?

No offense but Legolas does not exist as a character unless he's hanging out with a better character.

-"Feast of Starlight" is a better song than "Anaríon." I said what I said.

-OMG Balin you're supposed to be the smart one. Stop yelling when there are 846 guards in the next room.

-Lol Bilbo standing alone in the wine room realizing he done fucked up is me at least six times a week.

-And now a ridethrough of TolkienWorld Theme Park's equivalent of Splash Mountain.

-When the orcs randomly showed up in the SUPER WELL-DEFENDED ELVEN KINGDOM, I remembered this was the exact moment I started to think maybe the Hobbit movies weren't going to be very good after all.

-And if that didn't do it, Bombur in the barrel definitely convinced me.

-If anyone wonders how the cast of Game of Thrones got so good at quick travel during Seasons 7 & 8, pretty sure Gandalf taught them a thing or two between his ROCK CLIMBING LESSONS.

-"This is not a nice place to be." I think if Otherkin is really a thing my Otherkin is Radagast. Let me do stupid hedgehog magic in the woods and not deal with the big scary shit.

-Gandalf has had it with these side quests. Me too fam, me too.

-Omg long-haired Bofur can get it.

-Oh hay, it's...

Wait wrong costume

-More great casting with Luke Evans tbh. I would have liked to see him being like 10% grouchier to match up with Book!Bard, but the Han Solo thing kind of works for me too.

-Oh my gaaaaaaaawd the only person here who gives a fuck about Kili is Tauriel and she's got about as much clout as Legolas' au pair. Thranduil was damn right to throw her out.

-He was also right to free that orc's wretched head from his miserable shoulders.

-Yeah no shit you should double your guards considering like fifty orcs just walked right up to your front door.

-I will give Jackson this: the Laketown aesthetic is A+

-Although I kind of expect Anna and Elsa to pop out of one of the windows and start singing along to the jaunty Laketown song

-Ugggggh fuck this knockoff Wormtongue douchebag. HIGHLY UNNECESSARY.

-Fun fact: There are pugs in Middle Earth (????)

-Stephen Fry did a really nice Governor Ratcliffe cosplay in this movie. Except he forgot his hat.

-OOH BARD BURN ON THAT DUDE'S WIFE!

-Related: I think I ship Bard and the sassy fishwife who I seem to recall doing more stuff in the next movie

-Lol Colbert

-Lol toilets

-Lol Chekhov's ballista

-IDK why these dudes are bitching about their weapon quality. Those things all look pretty pointy to me. Also Balin is right, did Thorin just forget about how his whole name comes from the fact he used a TREE as a shield?

-More proof Legolas is a shitty boyfriend: why the fuck would HE point a weapon at Tauriel? Did he think that perfect flowing red mane belonged to an orc?

-I want to go shopping in Laketown. It looks like they have lots of really cool shit in all those little stalls.

-Is Bard really surprised his kids were unable to stop a dozen dwarves armed with rusty fishhooks on sticks?

-Wait how did they get into the armory?

-Not to be that person, but silks don't come from mines. There's no discernable reason they can't have silk now, other than the fact that it's really cold and the silkworms would probably die, but idk what that has to do with a dragon and who tf wrote the dialogue for these movies?

-THERE'S my grumpy Bard from the book!

-Ah yes, Bilbo will vouch for Thorin's character. Bilbo, being of a species that most of these people have never seen before. Very legitimate.

-Is there any fan fiction out there explaining how Girion's descendants ended up as smugglers and barge dudes? Seems like a pretty dramatic fall if you ask me. Although it did result in a really great coat for Bard.

-WTF Thorin? You would seriously just leave your nephew alone in the town? Like I get it, the writers needed an excuse to have Kili cross paths with Tauriel again, but seriously, have some character integrity. Kili is at LEAST as mobile as Bombur and y'all are dragging his fat ass up the mountain.

-I love Bofur so much.

-All these shots of the Lonely Mountain are kind of making me think about getting another LOTR tattoo...

This, either on my chest or my back.

-Thorin you were pretty goddamn quick to leave four dwarves back in Laketown. You can't let one hang out at the Overlook to keep an eye out for Gandalf?

-Oh wait that's right, Gandalf and Radagast magically traveled eight hundred miles to Dol Goldur, because who gives a fuck anymore.

-Okay we need to stop cutting back and forth between Gandalf and the dwarves. Y'all are making me dizzy. Pick a scene and stick with it.

-God the Dol Goldur set looks so cheap.

-NINJA DWARF!

-So I know the scenes with Thrain were not in the theatrical cut, but I'm trying to remember if the flashback from earlier where he was talking to Thorin and was being all "They won't have my son!" was in that version as well, because if that part was there and the Thrain in Dol Goldur part was not, that's even more confusing than I remember.

-Ummm Gandalf this scene was not in the theatrical version, which pretty much guarantees Thrain is not going to see Thorin again.

-Wait why did Azog cut off just Thrain's fingertip to get the ring? Why not cut off the whole finger? Or hand?

-I think what bothers me about the repeated "No one must go to Erebor!" bit is that as someone who's read all the books, I know there's nothing inherently evil about the Kingdom Under The Mountain. Like by the time of LOTR, the dwarves are all having a pretty good time up there, no weird corruption or dragon ghosts or anything. So it just seems really contrived and overdramatic for people to be making such a huge deal about it now. Can't we just talk about how everyone wants it because it's a really strategic stronghold with a shit ton of money in it? Is that not justification enough?

-Oooooh my gaaaaaawd we're gonna drag out the keyhole scene too, huh? That's what we're doing? Last light of Durin's day my ass, GO THE FUCK INSIDE!

-I'm seriously wondering if the writers just assumed absolutely no one in theaters had ever read The Hobbit. Like did they think that we were really going to buy the whole "Oh no, door's locked, let's go home" bit? Or did they really just need to pad out the run time to three hours? Were they getting paid by the minute, was that why these movies are the way they are?

-It's a good thing Thorin's hair is so sexy otherwise I was not going to stand for that dropped key bit.

-At least the acting in this scene is good. That or all the wine I've been drinking is making me tear up.

-Ugh nevermind I forgot all the shit about the Arkenstone. We're gonna have to go through that nonsense now, aren't we?

-But not before we cut back to Kili's manly pain. Also kingsfoil is a Númenórean medicine, why do dwarves know about it?

-And let's just channel flip through 84 different scenes real quick...

-Oh look, Thrain died. Sad.

-Okay so for real, I do love Benedict Cumberbatch and I like the idea of him being both The Necromancer and Smaug. But even when I hear him speaking the Black Speech, ever since the new version of the Grinch came out all I can picture is his whiny high American accent and I start giggling.

-Bilbo is such a Took, throwing things around like that.

-Why do I feel like the piles of gold in a three story hall is exactly what Jeff Bezos' basement looks like?

-The Smaug theme is kind of a bop.

-Aaaaaah the Smaug reveal is so epic. He does look amazing. And more great Cumberbaction.

-Okay but we don't need to put the Ring in every single goddamn scene. Save some for the good trilogy plzkthx.

-Smaug is a magnificent boi.

-Did I mention I have a tattoo of him on my leg?


Note the normal-sized arrow

-YES WE GET IT THE BLACK ARROW IS GOING TO KILL SMAUG

-YES WE GET IT TREASURE BAD

-Thorin, his name is Bilbo and you love him.

-How does Smaug even know what the Arkenstone is, beyond just a particularly shiny rock? Is he up on dwarven politics?

-Y'all aren't going to find any kingsfoil in Laketown. It grows where the Númenórean kings were. Arnor, Gondor, and that's pretty much it.

-Also I swear these are the stealthiest orcs in all Middle Earth. That or literally everyone outside of Gondor and Rohan is a terrible guard.

-Meanwhile Bard yet again overestimates the combat abilities of his children.

-Also meanwhile, Legolas continues to be the master of ridiculous killstrokes.

-Honestly, Tauriel is a pretty useful, well-rounded character. Obviously took some skill points in acrobatics AND medicine, doesn't put up with Legolas' shit, is willing to date short guys--HEY WAIT WHERE DID THEY GET ATHELAS???

-This fucking movie I swear to god.

-Did y'all know Tauriel is actually a Númenórean king? That's why she has the same healing abilities as Aragorn.

-Fun Fact: Mr. The Cat hates these movies because the lack of handrails on any given set makes him uncomfortable.

-For someone who was pretty awesome at spotting an invisible dude, Smaug sure sucks at playing hide and seek with a bunch of dwarves.

-Okay I'll admit the whole "You Cannot Be Her" scene between Kili and Tauriel does give me the feels. A little. Even though he's pretty quick to throw around the L-word after a couple meaningful glances and one conversation. But other movies have done worse with less.

-Oh no, the dead dwarves scene. This reminds me of that one part in Watership Down where all the bunnies are squished trying to escape the warren and aaaaaah fuck I really don't like the idea of dying trapped underground you guys.

-Ugh that line about ending in fire just reminded me there's fucking Ed Sheeran song waiting for us at the end of this. Remind me to put a different video on the post when this is over.

-How come not once, in any of the five movies Legolas is in, did one of the enemies just grab him by the hair and start yanking? Because I can tell you as someone with waist-length hair (damn this quarantine) that that shit gets caught on EVERYTHING and hurts like a bitch if you don't keep it tied up properly.

-Aaaaaaaand now I'm picturing Legolas with a man-bun.

-From the makes of TolkienWorld's Barrel River Escape ride comes The Mines of Erebor Adventure. Will you and your family escape the flames of Smaug?

-So the visual of the lighted forges is cool and call, but I refuse to believe Thorin had any tactical plan in lighting them. The writers cannot honestly expect us to believe he planned to go all Viserys Targaryen on our fiery boi just like that.

-See the water was a good idea. If they'd put me in charge of this sequence I would have built on that. Sort of like the whole Ents at Orthanc thing but underground and steamier.

-On that note I like the design of this scene a lot, but I wish it had been done with more practical effects rather than just digital. How epic would those bigatures have been?

-Thorin why are you trying to fight a dragon with a wheelbarrow. Thorin why are you like this.

-Christ these green screens are terrible.

-OH NO THE TAPESTRIES!

-Good job Bilbo you done fucked up again. Now Smaug is going to burninate the countryside.

-Did Jackson change the line from "tub-thumping lakemen" because he was worried about people remembering this song?


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc


-lol I remember when I first saw the scene with the giant golden dwarf I half expected it to start walking like a Gundam, because why not in this fucking movie

-Also isn't molten gold like, red?

-Okay whatever that visual of Smaug twirling and the gold flying off is worth it

-RUN AWAY LAKEMEN, RUN AWAY!

-brb, changing the title on my avatar to "I am fire. I am death."

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Weelp, we did it. Got through all three movies of The Hobbit Trilogy. I can't say I enjoyed every second of it, but I do have to acknowledge that even though Battle of Five Armies is absolutely the weakest movie out of all three (or six, if we count the originals as well) it did make me cry a hell of a lot more than Desolation of Smaug or even Unexpected Journey did.

At the same time though, the visual effects annoy the fuck out of me most of the time, and I have absolutely had it with Legolas and his nonsense. I also don't appreciate the fact that Thorin spends 3/4 of the movie being a total asshat, but at least Bard legit comes into his own in this one, and Martin Freeman's performance is solid all the way through. Thranduil is a bitch but that's to be expected, and yes I'm still super bummed that we don't get to see Kili and Tauriel end up together.

My in-depth thoughts are below the spoiler, but in the meantime, enjoy the musical stylings of Billy Boyd.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8ir8rVl2Z4


Tomorrow we start on the original trilogy, and I gotta admit I'm super pumped. I will most likely continue to write down my thoughts as I watch and post them here, because this is my journal and you can't stop me.

Also, it just occurred to me that I kind of fucked up my New Year's Eve in the best way possible. I'll need to finish Return of the King that day, and THEN I have my annual ritual of watching all three of the animated movies in one go. Chances are I will probably post my thoughts on those here as well unless someone bribes me not to.

See you tomorrow everybody!

In Which Shiva Cries A Lot And Bitches About Story Padding

-The Blu-Ray menu is already talking nonsense about the Arkenstone and I am exhausted

-You know if Jackson had cut out that bullshit on the river and the madcap adventure around the mines in the last movie we probably could have ended the last movie with Smaug torching Laketown instead of half-assing it for the first fifteen minutes now

-SAVE THE BRASS GOOSE!

-Yes Bain, stay home in your wooden house. That is a wise idea.

-Oh man now I'm having GOT Season 8 flashbacks. Although everyone being trapped on icy canals does give me a lot more anxiety.

-Damn, Bard is a stone cold bitch. That could have been anyone he strangled. He's lucky it was only Stephen Fry.

-THE BOW! Go get him baby!!!

-I kind of forgot that Bard is a badass in this. Jumping from flaming roof to flaming roof like that

-Meanwhile Thorin is very concerned about the condition of his front door.

-His arrows COULD pierce the dragon's hide if y'all had just stuck with the book.

-Bye Bain, you have been absolutely useless so far.

-Wait shit he can apparently run really, really fast.

-And also apparently he makes a really good aiming systems.

-I kind of miss the thing where the only reason Bard knew about the weak spot in Smaug's armor is because a bird literally told him. Where are Bard's bird-talking powers?

-Oh nooooooooo my sparkly boi!

-Love that visual of the fire going out tho.

-Bilbo how did you see it we literally just saw you turn around.

-The Ravens of Erebor, who we're just not going to talk to I guess.

-The dwarves taking credit for killing the dragon is literally every group project I have been in, where I am Bard.

-People are dying like three feet away from you, Kili. This is not the time to have a romantic declaration.

-THANKS FOR BEING SO HELPFUL WITH THE DRAGON LEGOLAS.

-Kili: It's a promise.
Tauriel:

-It's the sassy fishwife! Does she actually have a name? *Looks that up* Huh, "Hilda Bianca"? I see the Hilda part, but she does not look like a Bianca to me. Imma keep calling her sassy fishwife.

-And finally Bard is getting the recognition he deserves. My King

-Alfred looks like he absolutely should not be within 300 feet of any children whatsoever.

-In hindsight, y'all were kind of tempting fate building a WOODEN CITY on a LAKE when there is a FIRE BREATHING DRAGON nearby.

-New drinking game for the Hobbit trilogy: take a drink whenever someone says "sickness"

-Okay but for real how are 13 dwarves gonna clean up all that gold?

-Crazy Thorin is kind of a daddy in that fur coat tho

-Also I think it's kind of hypocritical of the writers to make a big deal out of Thorin's obsession with the Arkenstone considering Bilbo's walking around here with the One Goddamned Ring

-Legolas: So shit's about to get real and you're gonna have a whole bunch of trouble on your ass soon
Bard: But you'll stay and help us, right?
Legolas: lol no

-This scene with the orcs is depressing. It's trying so hard to be like that reveal in Two Towers when Saruman shows of the army of Uruk-Hai, and it comes off about as badass as a bad video game cutscene.

-Poor Tauriel is trying so hard to get rid of Legolas.

-Does that orc beating up Gandalf actually have hair? Can Tolkien orcs grow hair?

-Galadriel don't need shoes to kick your ass.

-Damn she is hella strong. I tried to carry my husband like that once and dropped him in like two seconds.

-Okay, it's also kind of cool to see Elrond get to do some badass stuff besides just oversee councils and translate books.

-RADAGAST TO THE RESCUE!

-Oh my god Galadriel leave your husband and just marry Gandalf. Melian and Thingol made it work. You can be Gandadriel!

-Ugh why did they straighten her hair for the badass power sequence? The inverse filter they used back in 2001 looked better than this.

-........what horse

-It's cute how Radagast gave up his staff for Gandalf, but I mean, Jackson could have just given Gandalf the right staff in the first place. Just sayin.

-Aaaaaaaand more whining about the Arkenstone.

-"Avenged" my ass Thorin. You haven't gotten one killshot in since Goblintown. Bombur has more kills than you at this point.

-Dammit despite all of Thorin's crazy I still wish he and Bilbo could have worked out The scene with the acorn is too cute.

-Crazy how much better Dale looks than Laketown despite being smashed up more than 100 years earlier. Maybe this is when we all learn not to build wooden cities on top of lakes?

-THRANDUIL'S GNU

-Now where exactly did the elves get all that food? A forest doesn't seem super conducive to the kind of agriculture necessary to support an army of that size.

-I'm king of digging this smolder-off between Thorin and Bard. Oh to be that hole in the wall...

-Okay during the sequence where everyone's getting ready for battle all I hear is this song:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oEWA7UglB4


-I take it back: armored Thorin is daddy

-Also I love how every dwarf gets a helmet but Bofur's still rocking the floppy ear hat

-I feel like earth-eaters would be a hard thing to forget.

-Awwwww this scene with Bofur and Bilbo is a cute callback to the first movie. Before things got silly.

-lol Bilbo apologizing to Thranduil.

-And I can't even with the visual of Bard on his horse and Thranduil on his gnu.

-Why do people keep telling Alfred to watch things? He is obviously very bad at that.

-Ugh Thorin trying to throw Bilbo off the wall is like that scene between Sam and Frodo with the crumbs in Return of the King but so much worse.

-Thranduil, don't namedrop people who only appear in the appendices, it makes you look like a tool.

-So I have this weird association between the Hobbit movies and the Pixar movie Brave. I never realized why until it occurred to me that this dude

Is also this dude

So in my mind Merida is half dwarf now. Sorry I don't make the rules.

-Also I forgot about the war pig lololol

-Dain says all the things the rest of us have been thinking about Thranduil. It's okay though bb, you still a bad bitch.

-"Send in the goats." Goddammit Jackson...

-Those arrow spinny things are cool though.

-All right folks, buckle up because the next six hours are going to be spent in a battle scene

-Dain saying "Oh come on" at the wereworms is me

-The dwarves being like "Fuck it, we'll fight over here" while the elves just kind of stand there doing nothing is exactly why I love dwarves and not elves.

-Peter Jackson just learned about phalanxes between the original trilogy and this one, didn't he?

-This battle music is fucking badass tho.

-"Is this a good place to stand?" Bilbo I love you.

-Now wait just a goddamn minute here what are all those trolls doing out in the sun? Did we not establish two movies ago that they will turn to stone in sunlight???

-Jesus, have Bard's kids still not learned any fighting skills? Utter disappointment. Gotta throw the whole lot out. Stop coddling your children, Bard.

-Bard has clearly been taking ridiculous fighting classes from Legolas.

-Anyone else feel kind of bad for that one troll with no hands or eyes being jerked around by his skin?

-Alfred really needs to stop grabbing that little girl. It is making me hella uncomfortable.

-Also I'm kind of annoyed how Bain is told to look after his sisters despite the fact that one of them obviously has like 3 years on him. I get it, only 15% of all female characters in Tolkien actually get to do anything, but at least make the oldest girl a little less useless.

-So I'm not gonna say that Thranduil's duel-wielding inspired Maerwyn's fighting style, but I'm not not saying it either.

-Yes, we need those extra 13 dwaves that have been malnourished and just walked like 1000 miles. They will be very helpful.

-Thorin how are you gonna move 86 metric tons of gold by yourself?

-YOU ARE NOT A LOWLY DWARF LORD come over here let's hug it out.

-That crown is kind of fug though. Looks like a cheap Loki helmet.

-The green screen is haunted by the ghost of Smaug.

-I am no military genius, but falling back to the barricade where the dwarves are undoubtedly gonna get smushed seems like a very bad idea to me.

-I take it back final form Thorin is daddy.

-Who knew Bombur could play the tuba?

-I get the symbolism of the Company of Thorin wearing their traveling stuff, but thinking practically it was super dumb of them not to wear all that heavy platemail they were playing dress-up with earlier.

-The peasants are revolting!

-Now Bofur can pull off the ridiculous fight sequences. Just look at his hat!

-Sassy fishwife is piiiiiiiiiissed. I vote her new Master of Laketown.

-Is there a reason Jackson just photoshopped Billy Connolly's face onto a CGI dwarf? Seeing him next to Thorin is really off-putting.

-When I saw Fili, Kili, and Thorin all got in the same chariot for the first time I remember thinking "Oh no, this is where it starts going badly." Like, I def did not expect the ending to change, but I kinda hoped?

-Before we can get to any emotional death scenes though, we have to do more fucking rides down a river

-I know the wargs and goats are all just pixels, but considering all the trouble the production got into for animal cruelty I'm still a little freaked out by the dead critters.

-OH NO NOW IT'S JUST THE THREE OF THEM

-Why does the troll that almost got Alfred have one tiny arm?

-This is why we don't buy second-hand staves, folks.

-Oh thank god we can finally be done with Alfred.

-Lol it just occurred to me that Bilbo probably has no fucking idea who Legolas is, and also we have not seen Gandalf and Legolas interact before this.

-GET OUT OF THERE THORIN & BOYS! GET OUT OF THERE NOW! Dwalin I ain't worried about you.

-Goblins are mercenaries? Does that mean that like, elves or men could hire them?

-Thranduil rn:

-Why are we talking about the nature of love PEOPLE ARE DYING.

-It took me like four rewatches of this movie to get the thing about Bifur and the axe lol.

-DO NOT SPLIT THE PARTY FILI AND KILI.

-Fili got kind of a bum rap in this movie now that I think about it. I kind of got the vibe he was more badass than Kili but he wasn't quite sexy enough to get an elvish girlfriend so no one really cares about him.

-Oh god I hope you live to fight another day Thorin. I really hope you do. Maybe this time things will be different--OH NO FILI

-

-Fuck I liked it better in the book when we just found out they died after the fact (defending Thorin no less!) rather than actually watching it happen.

-Wait is it just me or did they put some fake snow on the Dol Goldur set and just call it a day?

-For a second there I was going to complain about the bats until I remembered that part was actually in the book, so I guess I'm okay with it. Kind of weird they never show up in LOTR though. Did Sauron just run out of bat-making materials after this battle?

-MAYBE TAURIEL WILL SAVE KILI. She wasn't in the book so maybe we can change the timeline to accomodate that???

-omg legolas stop

-I kind of wish I, like Bilbo, got knocked unconscious for the rest of this fight, but here we are.

-TAURIEL STOP YELLING KILI IS BUSY.

-Ewwwwww the way Bolg licks his lips at Tauriel. I know half the folks are this site are into that kind of thing but on screen? Nooooooo thank you.

-GET THAT POINTY THING AWAY FROM KILI RIGHT NOW

-

-Dammit I wanted those two crazy kids to work out. I wanted to see their weird little ginger dwarf babies.

-TAKE HIM OUT TAURIEL! But shit do not roll over.

-lol thank you Jackson for finally acknowledging Legolas' endless supply of arrows.

-Wait though this is not an excuse to have him pull some more Legolas shenanigans.

-legolas srlsly stop you are ruining the movie

-Ooooh this is the part where you can tell Jackson watched a Kurosawa movie one time in college

-That's it Legolas, running up the falling blocks was the last straw. Get out of the movie and go to your room.

-I'm actually really mad Jackson didn't let Tauriel kill Bolg. I guess Eowyn's the only woman who gets to kill anyone in these movies.

-Surely Azog must realize the tactical dangers of using a big metal ball on a frozen river.

-THE EAGLES!!!! And also Radagast. And Beorn, who I guarantee almost all of you forgot about until now.

-When I saw this part in theaters and Azog caught his ball and fell underwater, the room was dead silent until this one dude yelled "God Damn You Peter Jackson" and I feel that now.

-Oh but maybe Thorin will survive this time! Maybe he will get to go back to Erebor and be bestest friends with Bard and the sassy fishwife and they'll all make fun of Thranduil's hair and live happily ever after.

-Or not.

-GET THAT SWORD OUT OF MY BABY'S CHEST RIGHT NOW

-BILBO SAVE HIM. GIVE HIM FIRST AID.

-The look on Thorin's face as he watches the eagles. I can't.

-Martin Freeman deserved an Oscar for this scene.

-

-THE WAY HE HOLDS HIM AND POINTS OUT THE EAGLES I FUCKING CAN'T

-OH YEAH AND I'M STILL SAD ABOUT TAUREL AND KILI TOO. I just kind of forgot there for a moment.

-Legolas I did not say you can come back.

-Thranduil stop namedropping characters from other movies it makes you look like a tool.

-Also the subject of Legolas' mom came up ONCE and Thanduil wasn't even there so I'm like ???????

-I think you're gonna need something stronger than Longbottom Leaf after today, Gandalf.

-Oh god even in death Thorin is gorgeous.

-I don't like this humming song as much as the one at the beginning. Can't we go back to when everyone was singing about breaking Bilbo's dishes? That was fun wasn't it?

-Balin's face

-BILBO'S FACE

-Well at least now we have King Fergus Dain.

-Ugh Bilbo trying to talk about what Thorin was to him. That's it, I'm 100% on board. They were in love but they never got to do anything about it and that's why Bilbo stayed a bachelor.

-omg i forgot about the long goodbye scene too

-Yes please give me some pretty scenery to look at. I need that rn, otherwise I'm gonna be crying all night.

-Bilbo why you be lyin about the ring. You can't lie to Gandalf.

-Bwahahaha the auction. At least the Hobbiton scenes always consistently look good.

-PUT THAT POUF DOWN!

-lol Fatty Bolger reference. He is the Pete Best of the hobbits.

-"He was my friend." And we're back to sad tears

-Apparently no one wanted the pictures of Bilbo's parents? Kind of insulting imo

-Love the transition back to Ian Holm. Aaaaaaand we're ready to start Fellowship! Looking forward to tomorrow when I'll only cry once and be way more impressed with the visual effects despite the fact that...



....fuck the original trilogy is 20 years old this year. I AM SO OLD.

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Woooo Fellowship! Still such an amazing movie. I was twelve years old when this came out, just blossoming into a glasses-wearing, anime-watching nerd girl in the midwest, and boy did it waken a lot of feelings in me. Not just my blossoming lust for Viggo Mortensen (and to a lesser extent, Elijah Wood), but my obsession with epic quests through the mountains, close-knit groups of friends, and long complicated plots with an unreasonable number of characters.

I'll admit some of the graphics in this movie are a little dated in spots, but for the most part all the practical effects and costumes hold up sooooooo well, especially compared to The Battle of Five Green Screens. Music is still epic, acting is phenomenal, and all in all I'm super happy to be back in Middle Earth as it was meant to be.

I don't really care for Enya that much, so I'm not going to post May it Be here even though I know that's what y'all were expecting. Instead, here's a song I wish had been included but wasn't, probably because Orlando Bloom can't sing.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F9ADVDSZLw


Two Towers tomorrow!

In Which Shiva Reminisces On Her Lost Youth

-I feel both intimidated and reassured by the fact that even the Blu-Ray version of this movie is on two discs

-Aaaaah the Cate Blanchett intro speech!!!!

-How come all the Mortal Men were old?

-Whyyyyyy do the digital effects in this movie look SO MUCH BETTER than in The Hobbit?

-Even the orcs look better!

-Dirty Elrond could get it

-Anyone know if Gil-Galad is going to be in the new Amazon series? Kind of want to see more of him than that one spear stab

-The crumbling finger with the ring on it is my ASMR

-I remember getting good shivers the first time I ever heard "My Preciousssssss." Andy Serkis is a god.

-Who wants to bet than whenever we get the 20th anniversary edition that Jackson photoshops Martin Freeman's face over Ian Holm's in the Young Bilbo shot?

-Awww now I just remember Ian Holm died this year and now I'm sad.

-Not gonna say my office is just as cluttered as Bilbo's, buuuuuuuut...

-"Concerning Hobbits" HE SAID THE THING!

-Awwww baby Sean Astin

-Awwww baby Elijah Wood

-Not gonna lie I had (and might still have) a pretty substantial crush on Frodo when I was a teenager.

-Now I am a mature adult and have a crush on Gandalf, because beards. I even have his mark tattooed on my neck.



-"There has always been a Baggins living under the Hill, and there always will be." Um...sure. Frodo is definitely gonna have 8 million kids and not just leave everything to the gardener.

-Bilbo looking for the ring is me looking for my phone 86 times a day.

-Gandalf we just watched the last trilogy you were very involved with the dragon incident.

-I love how one of the Elven rings is used to amuse hobbit children. That is exactly why it exists.

-Aaaaaaaaah this shot of Bag End!!!!

-You haven't aged a day, you've just transformed into an entirely different person!

-Awww the map. He kept it for Thorin

-Bilbo wanting to get away from his relations and go to the mountains to finish his book is me.

-How sick was Bilbo's party though?

-I have a feeling in a couple movies I'm going to be complaining about trolls being out in the sunlight again.

-Awwww baby Merry & Pippin

-I wish this little scene between Bilbo & Frodo had been in the theatrical version. Without it their relationship is all tell, no show.

-At our wedding, I tried to make a speech and say "I know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve" but my husband told me no.

-OMG THOSE ARE THE SAME PICTURES I MADE FUN OF AT THE END OF THE LAST MOVIE!

-The acting in this scene is so good. Ian Holm was such a treasure.

-Super interesting how the first time Frodo touches the ring he's out of focus and in the background.

-Aaaaaa it's been so long since I've seen the Nazgul

-Minas Tirith really needs a proper librarian

-It's so heartbreaking to see Frodo being as goofy as Merry and Pippin at the beginning here, knowing how he's gonna end up.

-AH HE SAID THE THING!!! Although the first time I heard McKellan say it I though he said Sauron was going to "in the darkness BITE them."

-There was a bit in the book when Frodo and Sam are leading where a talking fox wondered where they were off to and never got his answer, and I always loved that little non sequitur.

-Man now I want to go play in the woods some more.

-lol Saruman is savage. Talking shit about hobbit weed...

-I find both old guys' scraggly eyebrows really distracting in closeups.

-Twenty years later and I still crack up at the wizard fight.

-It's okay Sam, I too know the anxiety of losing your friends in a corn maze.

-And another classic scene. I seem to remember when this movie came out there was a snowglobe of the four hobbits hiding under the tree with the Nazgul above, but even with my master google skills I can't seem to find it ☹

-Kind of a dick move to start untying the raft before Frodo is even there.

-Also super convenient how Merry & Pippin just happened to have traveling gear with them considering they just kind of randomly joined up with this little adventure

-lol why does that one dude have a pet ferret in the bar with him

-THAT MAN IN THE CORNER IS MY KING, SIR

-For real though Strider is the sexiest form of Aragorn

-I never got why, if the Ringwraiths were so badass, did they not just go house to house stabbing people? Are the people of Bree that intimidating?

-Hobbit meal schedules are scarily similar to how mine have been since quarantine started

-Look at that bamf Aragorn carrying a whole deer by himself

-And singing!

-Look I love Luthien and Beren as much as the next person, but I'm still not going to let go of the fact that there are no elvish men willing to give up their mortality for a mortal woman therefore proving that even immortal men are shallow garbage.

-Does Saruman have any idea what he is doing to his property values by ripping out those mature trees?

-Where did Aragorn get four swords? Did he have them the whole time? If so why did he wait until now to give them out?

-Now Frodo, if the fire was enough to attract the Nazgul, don't you think shouting is going a little overboard?

-And now we know why halflings should not bother taking levels in Fighter.

-Meanwhile Aragorn's over here taking out like five dudes with a rusty sword and some fire.

-I don't know what I like better, the Smaug song or the Saruman song.

-I have so many mixed feelings about Arwen. I think it's fair to have her take the place of Glorfindel (kind of), but I don't like how the movie tries to paint her as a badass when she doesn't really do anything besides be pretty and give Frodo a ride to Rivendell. Also Liv Tyler's breathy voice annoys the shit out of me.

-Also she has healing powers, and also the power to cause floods? If she's that awesome why didn't anyone let her join the Fellowship?

-How did Gandalf get his staff back?

-Also were those the same clothes the hobbits were wearing or did they get new ones from somewhere?

-Is it just me, or in the last movie wasn't Rivendell on the other side of the canyon?

-BILBO!!!! This scene is so much more meaningful now that the two have actually interacted prior to this exchange.

-Hey that's the wrong key in Bilbo's book.

-"We did what we set out to do. I am ready to go home." Oh my sweet baby, we are still on the first disk of the first movie.

-lol I love how Elrond doesn't get mad, he just gets more annoyed about everything.

-LOOK IT'S NED STARK!

-Legolas I'm not sure I've forgiven you for the Battle of Five Armies.

-And Gimli!

-Men ARE weak Elrond. You're right.

-bwaha I am never gonna get sick of watching that finger fall on the ground.

-I like Aragorn's smolder directly into the camera, but he's still got nothing on Thorin's.

-Jeez pick up after yourself Boromir. Faramir wouldn't have left that on the ground.

-I will give Arwen this: best costumes in all the movies. I want that white nightgown thingy she's got going on.

-Feast of Starlight is still a better song. And I was way more invested in Kili & Tauriel's relationship than Aragorn & Arwen's. Just sayin.

-Also in case y'all didn't know Aragorn and Arwen are first cousins. Like, 80 something times removed, but still cousins. Google it.

-And we're not gonna invite one girl to the Council of Elrond, huh? Not even Elrond's own daughter, Princess Awesome?

-lol now I'm just thinking of the Crazy Boromir gifs from like 2004

-Huh, so Legolas introducing Aragorn actually makes sense now, considering we established that he went looking for him in the Hobbit. I guess the continuity folks managed to get one thing right.

-Burger has no king. Burger needs no king.

-Oh Gimli. I kind of miss the days when you were the only dwarf in the franchise. I wasn't bothered with so many weird sexual attractions in those days.

-HE SAID THE THING

-Aw Frodo noooooooo you were gonna go home!

-Just noticed Aragorn has draped himself entirely in velvet.

-AND MY AXE!

-lol Elrond watching all the hobbits.

-We have a title folks! And now for a disc break.

-Aragorn's giving me some serious Jon Snow vibes with this "I do not want it" nonsense.

-Gotta love the scary Bilbo jumpscare

-And now everyone must walk in single file for the next three hours

-Howard Shore was straight up challenging John Williams to a fight with this soundtrack.

-Now that I live in Colorado it's crazy how a lot of the mountains in New Zealand look like the ones out here.

-It's okay Gimli, no one ever asks for my opinion either. That's why I have to express them here.

-Damn, Hobbits fight dirty. Classic rogues.

-I'm gonna have to dig into my supplemental texts again. We established in the last movie that ravens are cool, but crows are not?

-I'm gonna say it again Ned: Faramir would NEVER.

-Oh man, I never noticed Legolas walking on top of the snow before! That's so neat.

-I swear 90% of the problems in these movies are the result of people yelling.

-Christopher Lee's voice can get it.

-lol Legolas and his dwarf shade. We get it, you're jealous that Kili stole your girl.

-Hey, it's my other tattoo!



-Poor old Bill. At least he gets better treatment in this movie than the animated version.

-Classic Pippin. Almost getting everyone killed.

-Gotta admire Gimli's optimism, expecting a party when it's obviously dead silent. No pun intended.

-Aww look at Legolas, just shooting arrows at the tentacle monster like a normal person.

-Where is all of this light in Moria coming from?

-Thorin gave Bilbo the mithril shirt because he loved him. Fact.

-Pity might have stayed Bilbo's hand, but he did still kick Gollum in the face that time.

-"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." Damn that hits harder in 2020 than before.

-Still love dwarf architecture.

-Also love Gimli's ponytail

-Balin

-Also they don't say it here but the skeleton with the book is Ori

-Pippin made a noise, take a drink.

-Damn Gimli you a badass.

-Legit forgot Aragorn uses a bow this one time and like never again. Nice to see Legolas keeping a handle on things though.

-Now this troll is underground, so I'm not gonna make a big deal about him. If I see any others later though...

-Awww Frodo's friends protecting him even though they suck at fighting

-Except Sam who is clearly taking pan-smashing classes from Rapunzel.

-Look, maybe that Balrog just needs a sassy Maia with super-speed to tell him to calm the fuck down. Just sayin.

-The lack of handrails on the stairs and bridge always made me super anxious, and today is no exception.

-I think Legolas was looking for an excuse to pull Gimli's beard.

-God why do these digital backgrounds look so much better than the ones in the Hobbit??

-HE SAID THE THING!

-Sit tight y'all, just got something in my eye...

-Christ even after 20 years the music still gets me.

-Pippin should be crying, it's kind of his fault Gandalf died.

-I love the Lothlorien theme so much.

-I don't really get the point of this extended scene with Haldir, other than that they were just trying to be true to the book. Spoiler alert, but I'm really not going to care when he dies in the next movie, because he's just kind of...some guy?

-lol Celeborn. No one even knows who you are. Although I'm pretty sure that actor was on a few episodes of Xena back in the day.

-Oh man Galadriel is so creepy and awesome and Arwen could never.

-Awww Sam's poetry

-Oh Boromir, I know you love your dad, but there are definitely some issues there.

-Galadriel still doesn't need shoes.

-Now THESE are some good sets. Love Galadriel's grotto-mirror-glade-thingy.

-Omg but seriously how sad would it have been if Sauron really had gotten into the Shire??

-Kind of wish we got to see Sam looking in the mirror though.

-See his is how they should have done badass Galadriel in that fight with the Necromancer in the last movie, rather than the waterlogged goblin thing she had going on.

-Saruman talking to the Uruk-hai is like me talking to my dog lol

-"Perfected" = 6'+ and totally jacked

-Anybody else go through a phase when this move came out where y'all tried to make your own lembas?

-I wish Sam had gotten the box of soil in the movie. That felt a lot more meaningful in the book, whereas he literally just grabbed some rope from the supply piles.

-Gimli > Fëanor. Fact.

-Omg can you imagine having Galadriel as your grandmother-in-law?

-I love the Anduin sequence so much.

-Ah the Argonath, a classic shot. Neither of those dudes looks like Isildur though.

-TBH If I was Frodo I'd go poking around in those forest ruins too, because what the fuck are those?

-For all the shit I might give him, Sean Bean really is a fantastic actor. And good for him for refusing to take any more roles where he dies.

-Aragorn going to face a fuckton of Uruk-hai still has him beat though.

-The way Aragorn, Merry, & Pippin see Frodo going and just let him go, no questions asked...right in the feels man.

-LOOK OUT BOROMIR!

-Maybe this time he'll dodge the arrows?

-Nope

-Actually now that I think about it it was really smart to bring some extra hobbits with the party. If it had just been Sam and Frodo the Uruk-hai probably wouldn't have been satisfied with just two and gone off.

-Manly tears

-That....is a lot of bodies for just like two guys.

-RUN SAM RUN

-Ugh the music in this last scene always makes me cry.

-Sam you are so dumb but I love you

-The hugging

-I kind of wish they had included Lament for Boromir in the movie. That's one of my favorite poems.

-OH WAIT NOW I KNOW WHAT TO USE AS THE VIDEO FOR THIS POST!

-"Let's hunt some orc." Aragorn that did not sound as cool as you thought.

-Frodo doesn't know Merry and Pippin got captured

-I remember when I saw this in theaters the very first time with my mom she was like "This stupid movie has no ending." YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, MOM!

-Ew I forgot Harvey Weinstein bankrolled this. Gross.

 

[Shiva the Cat]

I know I'm a minority in this, but I legit think Two Towers is my favorite of all the movies. I know it's not quite as epic as Return of the King and it doesn't have the cuteness of Fellowship, but all the greatest memes and quotes are from this one (and yes, I will point them out in my notes below). It also features the debut of my king and queen, Faramir and Eowyn, which is still a major ship for me. The music is probably the best in this movie out of al lthe others as well, but in true Shiva fashion I'm going to feature another song that's not actually from this movie.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YTBgFmK_bs

Tomorrow I've got a lot on my plate. I'm going to try to get through Return of the King in the morning, then the animated movies in the evening. I also see I owe a response now on Starlight in Her Hair, so I'd better try to make some room in there for that too, unless I get too champagne-drunk to manage a proper response.

In the meantime, let's put the nail in the coffin that is 2020 and move on! Unless...

What if 2020 was Helm's Deep, and 2021 is the Battle of Pelennor Fields?

In Which All The Greatest Quotes are Quoted

-Time for Gollum: The Movie!

-lol I appreciate the recap they felt necessary. "Last Time, on the World Series of Walking..."

-I just noticed Gandalf upgraded his staff crystal since Radagast gave it to him.

-Aaaaaaaaaa this is like that dream where I keep falling into the dark.

-Ooooh but the sword catch was sweet.

-I love how not even Gandalf's clothes are on fire. That is one tough elven ring he's got.

-Remember when this movie came out everyone wanted PJ to change the title because 9/11 had only happened like a year earlier?

-The whole dropped box thing would have been a lot sweeter if it had been the soil from Galadriel's garden. Just sayin.

-Haha I love the bit with the rope.

-Sam having nothing to eat but lembas is me with all of the Xmas treats still cluttering up my house.

-"We're not alone." Elijah wood giving me major Good Son vibes here.

-HEY IT'S SLIMY BOI

-Gollum it is hard to be stealthy when you keep talking to yourself.

-Sam trying to drag Gollum with the rope is me trying to walk Shiva Jr. in weather below 40 degrees and above 70 degrees.

-God that Gollum CGI still looks good. Where did we go wrong??

-And Uruk-hai/orcs look sooooooooooo much better when they're played by actual people.

-Oh Merry my Always looking after Pippin

-I love the "Gimli in the back" montage lol

-I tell people I'm a natural sprinter too.

-Oh man the Rohan song is the best in all the movies, hands down.

-HE SAID THE THING!


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE-1RPDqJAY


-I like Saruman's little callback to the intro of the first movie. Even though his relation to Sauron is like the MyPillow guy and Donald Trump.

-In retrospect, Tolkien's opinions about industrialization should have probably been taken a little more seriously considering the climate clusterfuck we find ourselves in today.

-I do like how they expanded this scene to show why there were so many people fucking things up in Rohan.

-Aaaaaaaaah I love the Rohan aesthetic even more than I love Laketown.

-But why doesn't their mom go with them? At least like run alongside the horse or something.

-Anyone else ship Theodred and Eowyn? Just me?

-Karl Urban is a beautiful man and I am glad he continues to be in literally everything.

-EOWYN!!!!!! Queen of all female characters in Tolkien.

-Now Wormtongue is a proper villainous stooge. Alfred could never.

-Gimli is me whenever I try to run farther than like, a block.

-I think it still needs to be reiterated that (in the movie) Merry and Pippin stumbled into this adventure entirely by accident, and I for one think they have stuck it out like champs.

-Does someone want to tell Legolas what color the sun is every morning?

-It seems kind of overkill to point 45 spears at like three dudes without horses.

-I forget this movie was from before Orlando Bloom really learned to act and the only emotion he knows how to convey is confusion.

-And there's the sound of Viggo breaking his toe.

-Treebeard

-Okay maybe in the marsh scene Gollum doesn't look that great.

-My dog when I'm eating dinner and her bowl is full of food:

-Frodo, Gollum *just* told you to stay away from the lights.

-Hey that's the wight's song from Fellowship!

-The Nazgûl be like "HAHA WE CAN FLY NOW BITCHES."

-.......Gimli why are you familiar with the taste of orc blood.

-IT'S GANDALF!


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEfLMod-Wqk


-lol Gimli is so sick of running.

-Okay the slow-mo white horse is a little much. I feel like this is how every 12-year-old girl views horse. (Except me. I was a cool 12-year-old girl).

-I love The Ent and the Entwife.

-HEY THOSE TROLLS ARE OUTSIDE IN THE SUN! I guess maybe I can give them a little bit of a pass since they're *in* Mordor but still.

-Anyone else have a thing for Easterlings, with their sexy veils and eyeliner? No? Just me?

-omg this ent draught scene is so dumb but i love it

-Although Treebeard is no Tom Bombadil

-Eeeew Theoden needs a manicure.

-Eowyn's dress could give Arwen a run for her money.

-EOWYN JUST SMACK HIM ALREADY.

-Aaaaaah again with the epic music.

-These guards are so bad Thranduil should hire them.

-lol all the punching in the background.

-Gandalf's over here about to smack the satan out of Theoden.

-Oh wow the evolution from Old Theoden to Less Old Theoden also still looks awesome.

-And his nails look nice now too!

-Hey Grima, at least you don't end up wearing a corset and choking a troll to death.

-"Where is Theodred?" Um.....

-The funeral scene is surprisingly sad considering we never even to get hear Theodred speak a word.

-Omg Theoden

-Bruh these people do not look like they have much in the treasure department. I wouldn't worry about it.

-I kind of would have liked to see Aragorn and Eowyn end up together. But oh well, at least Faramir knows a true queen when he sees one.

-"We will return." lol Theoden knows there's another movie coming.

-Eowyn you are going to cut someone's head off.

-Gollum and Smeagol's conversation is me talking to myself after nine months of quarantine.

-HE SAID THE THING!

-God I think Two Towers is the most quotable of all the movies.

-Ooooooh more sexy Easterlings!

-OLIPHAUNTS

-FARAMIR!!!!!

-I miss David Wenham. Remember when he used to be in things in the early 2000s? I saw him in Letter to the King this past spring, but the took a lesson from Sean Bean and died like five minutes in.

-Wait I forgot he was kind of a dick at the start of this.

-DISC BREAK!

-I forgot to mention at the beginning of Unexpected Journey that I actually really dig dwarf women's vibes. If I could grow a beard I would braid the shit out of it and put pretty beads in it too.

-Oh look, Eowyn's bad at something. That's called a character flaw, folks. Maybe some of the other women in these movies should try having some.

-Meanwhile, we've got Arwen over here being perfect at everything.

-Meh, he doesn't deserve you, Eowyn.

-How the fuck do y'all miss the giant hyena perched on the edge of a cliff like that.

-Also woof the wargs do not look great.

-Legolas you're getting just a teensy bit silly picking off those wargs all by yourself like that.

-Also WTF you just let Gimli fall off the horse??

-Like anyone believes Aragorn is really dead.

-lol Saruman is wondering why tf he even keeps Grima around.

-Aaaaaaaaaaaah Saruman's army is so badass.

-Haha Aragorn though the was making out with his girlfriend but it was a horse.

-I honestly did not give a shit about this tragic romance between elves and humans until I read the Silmarillion, and that was mostly because Luthien and Beren turned out to be way cooler than I thought they were. But watching Elrond try to talk Arwen out of staying doesn't convince me of the tragedy any more than it does her.

-Is it a requirement that everyone taking the ship has to wear a matching cloak and carry a lantern?

-Also why are they leaving at night?

-Yaaaaaay finally a cool elf! Galadriel you always show up in the nick of time.

-Galadriel don't talk about my sweet baby Faramir like that. HE'S A GOOD MAN.

-........Faramir don't make me look like an idiot in front of Galadriel.

-Ooooh I like the preview of the Return of the King theme!

-God Sean Bean has a killer smile.

-Denethor you are the worst father ever.

-I want to see the AU where Faramir went to Rivendell instead of Boromir.

-Oh man the night scene at the waterfall is cool looking.

-Also I really, really want to swim in the Forbidden Pool too.

-Faramir staring at Gollum was my parents walking in on me saying all the lines along with this movie when I was a kid.

-Frodo never fails to bring out my instincts to take care of someone with an addiction and that says a lot about my dating history.

-See Jackson, you start by changing the plot just a little to have Faramir bring the hobbits to Gondor, then all of a sudden you're putting Legolas in The Hobbit and having Billy Connolly riding around on a pig and throwing dragon ghosts into everything.

-lol I love how Legolas says "You're late" in Elvish but insults Aragorn in Westron.

-ARAGORN OPENING THE DOOR!

You're welcome

-Uh Theoden not to be negative but I think you might not know how to protect your own keep. Just a feeling.

-They have been trying to get the women and children into those caves for like four days now.

-lol i am groot

-I kind of wish the Glittering Caves scene had happened and Eowyn got a chance to be a bamf in this movie too. Oh well, good things come to those who wait I guess.

-I always try to do that hair tie thing Eowyn does when I don't have a ponytail holder handy and it almost never works.

-Subtle, Aragorn. Subtle.

-Every villager who can hold a sword has been sent to the armory, except the girls, because gross.

-Oooh I forgot Clamavi does a really good version of Lament for the Rohirrim. I might have to put that as the video for this entry, but Gollum's song is so good too...

-Merry and Pippin at the Entmoot is me at every meeting ever.

-Actually Entmoot IS every meeting ever.

-Entmoot could probably have been an email.

-Oh shit, I forgot the original Haleth was another girl in the canon who got to do badass shit. That Silmarillion has some real gems in it.

-ugh elves why. why do you have to involve yourself in every goddamn thing

-Haldir! I totally care about you and hope you don't die!

-So are they gonna send out the Dothraki and watch all the lights go out?

-Meanwhile Eowyn's like

-Good job Random Old Dude, you done started the fight now.

-Isn't...most armor weak at the neck and under the arm?

-lol the contest between Legolas and Gimli

-Pippin kind of looked like Martin Freeman Bilbo for a hot second there

-OH MY GOD TREEBEARD THIS COULD DEFINITELY HAVE BEEN AN EMAIL

-Huh, I was wrong. Jackson did know about phalanxes when he made the first trilogy. My bad.

-*Chariots of Fire intensifies*

-I don't know what killing that one guy with the torch would do. I'm pretty sure they have other torches.

-lol Gimli literally diving into the fray

-Heeeeeeeeey Legolas you're getting a little silly with that shield on the staircase. Don't make me send you to your room again.

-I honestly love Merry in the book. Kind of annoyed it took this long to make him serious in the movies, but I'll take it.

-Oh no. Not Haldir. I am so sad.

-I will admit though this is a better version of that scene in Battle of Five Armies where Thranduil sees all the dead elves and wants to fuck off home.

-"Ooooh come on we can take 'em."

-I really wanted Aragorn to Tarzan swing on that rope lol

-So we're still doing this Osgiliath thing, huh?

-The cut down trees hits me in a weird way. Must be my sensitive hippie heart.

-Aaaaaaaah the March of the Ents theme! Dunno why it showed up in the Hobbit, but not gonna worry about that for now. Watching Treebeard and the boys do their thing is satisfactory enough.

-Which means naturally we need to cut back to the scene that DID NOT HAPPEN.

-Oh man remember back during the election when all those memes were going around about dawn on the fifth day and looking to the east and we all rejoiced about Philadelphia? That was cool.

-See there is a tactical advantage to not having handrails in some places.

-Those are some brave-ass horsies running down a cliff like that.

-LOL that one ent that just punted that guy

-Man it is sooooooooo satisfying when the dam breaks and the river floods everything. I think that's the crumbling finger of this movie.

-Meanwhile in the Frodo/Sam plotline, I have no patience for this Nazgûl nonsense.

-Although when Frodo pulls the sword on Sam I do tear up a bit.

-Not to mention during Sam's whole speech.

-By rights you shouldn't be here though, Sam.

-Theeeeeeeeere's my sweet baby Faramir. Now you are worthy of Eowyn.

-lol the orcs got eaten by trees. <-- Legolas' thoughts. Also mine.

-It's so stupid but I love that they included the storehouse bit from the book.

-"Frodo wouldn't have gotten far without Sam" oh my

-I was so disappointed when this movie came out and Cirith Ungol didn't end up happening until the third movie. Could we not have cut the Osgiliath bullshit and put that in instead?

-Oh well, at least that last show of Mordor is super cool, and Gollum's Song is a bop.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgFpHs5dGdg

 

[Shiva the Cat]

Oh man y'all. I just...I have a lot of feelings rn after watching Return of the King.

I think after watching both trilogies there's still no doubt that the original is better, but I do feel like a lot of the tears I shed over this one are more happy tears than sad. That last scene still gets me of course, but there are so many awesome epic moments which I have of course highlighted below the cut. I am mostly sad that I've got no more Middle Earth ahead of me except for the animated movies (which I think I'm going to hold off on writing about until next year; I need to just take some time to enjoy them in all their kitschy glory after sobbing so much this morning), but I am curious about how the Amazon series will turn out.

I'm not going to hold out too much hope, since it's not going to feature anyone we know unless the writers shoehorn someone in (if Elrond or Galadriel show up I swear to god...), but I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. After all, for all the RPs I do with OCs in Middle Earth, it would be kind of hypocritcal not to.

I do have one non-Tolkien related song I plan to post tomorrow to ring in the new year, but in the meantime enjoy this last deep cut from the soundtrack, and have a fantastic New Year!

-Love, Shiva


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7MWsNGsA5o

In Which Shiva Isn't Crying, You're Crying

-Hopefully watching this in the morning BEFORE I start drinking will cut down on the amount of crying that is inevitably coming.

-D'aaaaaaaw baby Smeagol and Deagol.

-I still find it hilarious that Smeagol always talked like that.

-Ah Deagol, the shortest Ringbearer of all.

-I kind of like practical effects Gollum. That would have been an interesting route to take.

-If y'all ever wonder where my endless optimism comes from, there might be a little Gamgee in me.

-"You've never done a hard days work." This actually makes me wonder how rich hobbits like the Took and Brandybucks acquired their fortunes. Do they have tenant farmers?

-Young Master Gandalf lol

-I kind of love the idea of a wizard dying by regular old hanging.

-How many wizard rods are left? Isn't Gandalf on like his sixth one?

-So if Saruman knows about Frodo, and Saruman has been talking to Sauron, how does Sauron not know about Frodo?

-Oh hay Grima.

-So I guess we're not doing Scouring of the Shire then?

-That was a heavy ass ball for Saruman to be keeping in his sleeve.

-Dammit Pippin must you touch everything.

-For a second there I thought they reused that shot of Eowyn standing in front of Meduseld but I don't think she was wearing the corset last time.

-Oh whatever Legolas like your dad isn't the biggest wino east of the mountains

-Oh man those meaningful glances between Aragorn and Eowyn...I can't take it this early in the morning.

-Man I wish I was partying like these guys tonight.

-Pretty sure Smeagol has killed more than just Deagol over the last 500 years. Remember that time he ate an orc in Unexpected Journey?

-Apparently it didn't taste very nice.

-Again with the people speaking too loudly. Everyone in this movie needs to learn an indoor voice.

-This whole Gollum vs. Sam subplot is really frustrating. Apparently owning the Ring makes you dumb af too.

-Eowyn on her couch has been me in my living room pretty much every night of vacation lol

-Pretty freaking light in the hall considering how dark it is outside.

-The stars are not veiled Legolas, I can see them right there on screen.

-Classic Pippin, driving the plot entirely by accident.

-Theoden how was Gondor even supposed to know y'all were in trouble? Did you even send them a raven?

-Omg Merry and Pippin saying goodbye I can't

-Seeing lil Eldarion makes me wish Tolkien had finished the LOTR sequel. Kind of curious to see how that kid turned out.

-"Your hands are cold." That is not how staying in Middle Earth works.

-Minas Tirith always looks so cool on the first reveal. Not as cool as Edoras, but still pretty cool.

-lol the helmets on the fountain guards.

-Ah Pippin, the very definition of "not saying anything."

-Wow those kids from Minas Morgul are very devoted to their graffiti

-Now who smokes too much, Gandalf?

-Oh the Witch King is coming? GOOD THING YOU'VE GOT A BADASS LADY ON YOUR SIDE if you ever let her do something besides make googly eyes at Aragorn.

-I love how the "secret" stair is like four feet from the road to Minas Morgul. The Witch King is obviously the least observant person ever.

-Also that road is way too narrow for the amount of people that come out of is like two seconds later.

-Damn Sam you a badass.

-At least Gandalf knows halflings are better rogues than fighters.

-MY SWEET BABY FARAMIR GET OUT OF THERE!

-Oh boy here comes tumor face. A classic character.

-Wow that armor is crappy if it can take an arrow right through the chest.

-At least these guards seem to know about indoor voices.

-Pippin's up here rolling a nat 20 on stealth. Either that or Denethor is hiring Thranduil's guards for the beacon.

-Oh to be those guys whose only job it is to watch and see if the beacons get lit.

-"And Rohan will answer." So basically you were just trying to start drama before, weren't you Theoden?

-Ummm excuse me Aragorn that is super rude to go poke around in a lady's saddle like that.

-lol Merry on a horse is me.

-A fun fact I learned recently was that most of the Rohirrim are actually played by women in real life, since New Zealand didn't have enough men who rode horses recreationally.

-Oh no things are not going well for my baby

-Wait where were the rangers keeping their horses?

-Aaaaaaah I love the scene where Gandalf rides out to fight the Nazgûl

-Except why tf did he bring Pippin?

-Denethor: Father of the Year

-omg i just want to give Faramir the biggest hug rn

-Smeagol you did try to strangle Sam that one time. He might still be holding a grudge over that, idk.

-Oh wow the Fell Beast on the tower looks sick.

-Awwww the scene between Pippin & Faramir

-WOW DENETHOR YOU ARE TERRIBLE

-Ugh the scene with the crumbs is annoying. And Sam sleeping so close to the edge of the cliff is giving me anxiety.

-Why did we have to have this scene instead of the one in the book where Gollum actually feels bad about leading them into the tunnel for a hot minute? That was way more meaningful.

-Ugh Faramir and the boys riding out again is so sad. Also that is not very many guys to take back an entire city.

-Ew do not need to see John Noble eating up close.

-Getting some serious Rains of Castamere vibes with Pippin's song and the soldiers riding out...

-Gandalf must be so pissed that he saved all those guys like six hours ago and Denethor sent them all out to get killed again.

-The Rohan song!!! That'll cheer up anybody.

-Awwww the scene between Merry & Eowyn

-Eomer is being such a big brother. "You and your little friends can't play with us!"

-Arwen is not dying, you're being dramatic.

-Super convenient actually that the Rohirrim decided to hold their annual convention exactly where the ghost army hangs out.

-Oh Eowyn it's okay. I've been on the receiving end of the "It is but a shadow that you love" conversation. Men are trash.

-So if Eowyn went off with the Rohirrim, who stayed behind to look after the peasants?

-Aaaaaaaaaaah more underground things. That's a nope from me dawg. I'm with the horses on this one.

-Merry and Eowyn gonna go fuck some shit up.

-Whooo nelly that's a lotta skulls.

-Seriously how are they not losing their balance on all those skulls?

-This must be TolkienWorld's equivalent of the Haunted Mansion.

-Oy again with the skulls.

-Okay here is where I was going to complain about the trolls being outside under the sun, but *I guess* considering the evil clouds overhead they're fine. On a technicality.

-OH NO MY SWEET BABY.

-There now, happy Denethor? Or are you gonna keep being like this?

-Meanwhile Faramir's all

-So the orcs are not even going to try to get out of the way of those flying boulders, huh?

-Also wtf is a baby doing on the front lines? Y'all been taking parenting lessons from Bard?

-Gotta respect Gandalf doing pretty much everything during this battle. Also gotta love the duel-wielding.

-Pippin did you not have something to tell Gandalf? Pippin where are you going?

-Wait wtf were those rhinoceros things we never see again?

-Guess we'll find out after the disc break.

-Awwww guys this is the last disc of the live-action series!

-LOTR: Now with pirates!

-lol Gimli you lil shit

-Yes that tunnel does not look sus at all.

-Frodo whenever you touch something sticky it is a good rule of thumb not to ask what it is.

-Sam you are going to have a lot of catching up to do if you're almost at the bottom my dude.

-Galadriel is such a good gift-giver. How did Frodo know the elvish to say to turn the light on though?

-Huh, Shelob still looks pretty good after all these years.

-lol Gollum has no interest in rhyming.

-Gee Frodo, wouldn't it have been nice to have a second set of hands there to help you out when Gollum inevitably betrayed you? If only the ring hadn't turned you into a dumdum

-Cate Blanchett is gonna appear in all three movies or die trying.

-Awwwww Merry you'll always be a knight to me.

-Jesus they're still pulling Grond up to the gates?

-Denethor is such a fucking drama queen.

-He should take some lessons from Shelob, who is quiet as fuck despite being like a six ton spider.

-Sam learned quick travel I see.

-See this scene would have been so much sadder if it came at the very end of the last movie.

-Well hey Pippin, at least if Denethor released you from his service you don't have to sing for him anymore.

-Bruh even Theoden was smart enough to evacuate the women and children from his castle (as was Book!Denethor).

-Poor Gandalf has to fix every goddamn thing in this battle.

-Damn the Witch King is metal af.

-THE ROHIRRIM!!!!

-Oh god here comes the crying

-Denethor you're ruining the battle scene.

-Damn Pippin you a little badass jumping into the fire like that.

-Also NOW you give a shit about your son, Denethor?

-Okay watching Denethor jump of that cliff was kinda cool tho.

-Oh shit that's a lot of elephants.

-OH NO THE HORSIES!

-They probably still ended up better off than the ones from the Hobbit tho.

-Man Haradrim are cool.

-Not as cool as Eomer and his sick spear-throwing skills tho.

-lol Merry trying to drive the horse is like that scene in Clueless where they end up on the LA freeway.

-Okay maybe Merry did take enough levels in fighter to be cool.

-Oh shit I forgot Eowyn killed tumorface. Good on her!

-I hope no matter how old I get I always remember Gandalf's speech about white shores and a far green country.

-OMG YES IT'S THE PART. THE BEST PART IN ALL THE MOVIES.

-Wellp that's the trouble of riding around on things with really long necks.

-That one orc is gonna give the pirates 0 stars on TaskRabbit.

-"Is it just me or did our pirates get way sexier?"

-HE SAID THE THING!

She said it better tho

-Oh jk I guess Eowyn didn't kill tumorface.

-Of course, Aragorn got to do it. Because he hasn't fucked with her enough yet.

-........Legolas we talked about this. This is why Tauriel didn't want to date you.

-lol the ghosts on the elephant in the background.

-Omg Theoden no!

-Eomer's scream

-Aragorn you need to stop leading poor Eowyn on. All those meaningful face caresses are gonna send the wrong message.

-OOOH BUT SHE GOT A NEW MAN NOW!!

-Merry and Pippin

-Remember in the book in Cirith Ungol when Frodo was totally naked?

-Wait how did Shelob's stinger pierce the mithril shirt with literally nothing else did?

-lol what if yakity sax was playing while the orcs were all killing each other?

-Ooooh the Watchers! Nice detail, even if they're just a statue here.

-"AND THAT'S FOR MY OLD GAFFER!" There was a severe shortage of Gaffer in these movies.

-Sam is an angel. Nuff said.

-Excellent orc cosplay boys. A+

-"Certainty of death, small chance of success, what are we waiting for?" That's how I'm starting 2021.

-OH MY GOD NO ONE CARES ABOUT ARWEN

-Aragorn you should have been wearing your necklace it is your own damn fault it broke.

-He do be looking good in his new armor though.

-I appreciate this little scene between Faramir and Eowyn, but I wish he would have done his little declaration of love speech somewhere along the line.

-Frodo and Sam rolled a nat 1 on stealth lol

-I wish this movie did the "Where There's a Whip There's a Way" song.

-Omg I just noticed Sam is STILL carrying his pots and pans

-Awwww there they go

-Oh hey Merry must have healed up quick to go up to the Morannon.

-Give them a sec guys, it takes a long time to open a gate that big.

-Eeeeeeeew the Mouth of Sauron needs to go to the dentist.

-Aaaaaaaaaaah the music is getting more epic, where's the kleenex.

-Aragorn's speech

-OH NO ARAGORN'S ARMY IS SURROUNDED I REMEMBER HOW THIS WENT IN BATTLE OF THE BASTARDS

-"I can carry you."

-"For Frodo"

-Goddammit Gollum.

-I love how when in doubt, hobbits always have rocks to throw.

-THE EAGLES!!!! Aww now I'm thinking about Thorin again.

-Oh god Frodo get away from the edge you're making me nervous.

-Wait he broke the chain just like that? How has it lasted that long?

-Just had to throw one more troll in there, didn't you Jackson?

-Awww Gollum finally got his precious back.

-HIs balance, on the other hand...

-Aaaaaaaaaah the callback to the first movie in the river!

-lol that troll just noped right out of there didn't he.

-

-"I can see the Shire"

-People like to say the third eagle was for Gollum but I think they forget Gandalf was riding one and eagles don't really like to carry things. Gollum was pretty much fucked from the get-go.

-HERE WE GO THE HAPPY ENDING OF ALL HAPPY ENDINGS

-Gandalf and Frodo

-Frodo is laughing again

-The cousins reunited

-Wait did Gimli and Frodo ever talk to one another? I know sure as fuck Legolas didn't.

-AND SAM

-I still prefer dirty Aragorn to King Aragorn.

-I always found the translation of Aragorn's song to be a little colonialist for my tastes. Just sayin.

-I was so mad in the theatrical version when the only Eowyn x Faramir scene we got was literally them standing next to each other at the coronation.

-Oh look, Arwen showed up. Cool.

-Okay that kiss was kind of hot tho.

-OMG IT'S THE SCENE

-

-I guess skipping Scouring of the Shire does let us have the pretty green scenery here at the end again.

-Awww all of them at the inn

-GET IT SAM!!

-I see Frodo keeps Bag End cleaner than Bilbo did.

-I will say the writers kind of fucked up the thing with Arwen about not only staying for Aragorn, but her purposely giving her place in Valinor to Frodo. That was one thing I really liked about her character in the book and they just sort of glossed over it here.

-Oh no the saddest music of all is starting

-Ah I love oldest Bilbo

-Oh look it's Galadriel's husband. Anyone remember his name?

-Galadriel is so pumped to be going home it's adorable.

-OH NO THE SADDEST PART OF THE SADDEST MUSIC

-

-Elanor

-"Well, I'm back."