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Real Life Rants

Sadly, with no place to call my own, just yet, and I really hate to, but I'll be starting completely over on roleplays. I might start one or two 1x1s on here with y'all, just hit me up in pm and ask. But with my schedule, or lack of quietness where I am? No group. I can't stick to a schedule.
 
I would think a group home with less males would be an improvement, and in a lot of ways, it is. However, it burns me up that nobody even thinks of respect. Or rules. Earphones block out so much, but I shouldn't CONSTANTLY have mine on... Even while I sleep, or if two someones want to have a who can be louder than the other, being incredibly disrespectful to those who do NOT want to be even in the middle of their war of noise! I really wish she (the owner of the group home I'm in) would come and literally catch them. Telling them nicely to use their earphones to block each other out, and stop disrespecting others obviously does NOT work. My blood pressure is actually through the roof from the amount of disrespect I have suffered from others'hard hearts since April of last year! Easter Sunday, actually, when someone who does not attend church or believe in God, ironically my across the hall "neighbor", broke into my apartment to steal. Oh, and, btw? The landlady wanted me to pay for that. I've also had my share of churches that do NOT practice what they preach. God is love? We're here to help each other? Then show it!! Saying that but not doing it is hypocrisy and that's not of God either, by the very Book you're preaching out of! No wonder there's a great falling away from the churches!

Does that mean I can't believe in God now? Far from it. I just am sick of male abuse and disrespect that I have suffered all my life that has turned me against males and bitter. But... That doesn't mean I have gone femi-nazi either. Going extreme left will mean they have won, but maybe they already have. High blood pressure. High anxiety. High levels of stress. Inability to concentrate. Driven to tears or nearly there at least once a week. And that's just the emotional and physical toll. I'm not counting financial, and don't need to (or shouldn't need to). All because alpha males have to have their way or they make everyone else around them miserable, which in turn affects those peoples' circles of friends... And the ripples continue to spread.

That isn't God. No matter what anyone wants to tell me.
 
I am damned close to quitting and getting out of roleplay entirely as while I was writing a reply to one of my roleplays, the selfish, self-centered MALE completely destroyed my concentration by saying, and I quote, "the light is going out whether you like it or not" and then turned right around and turned on his brighter phone, pad, whatever, acting like he's more important and better than everyone else. He has to have his way in everything and does nothing around the house without being told umpteen times. I would have been done, if he would have left it alone, before 10. Btw. I'm writing this in the dark, ruining my sight too, because the world revolves around him and what he wants. I can't wait for this month to be over and him out of here. Talk about a final coffin in whether I'll want anything to do with men in the future. ๐Ÿคฌ I swear that (censored for extremely unladylike, little alone Christian language) WILL cause me to have a fatal heart attack.
 
Finally having a chance to write this and want all my current partners and friends to know this.

Due to all the stress I've been put through especially since Easter of last year, I have a restricted diet of as little salt as possible, and no more high caffeinated drinks such as Mountain Dew or coffee. I'm also on blood pressure medicine. Losartan Potassium (which ironically could actually LOWER my potassium. It's a common side effect!) So I'll have to eat more bananas... What's the big deal? Men in my real life have driven me there anyway. Might as well eat what I already am, amirite?

@Ahnyes
@KiraMusani
@LadyWolfie
@RainK
 
*hugs both here so far (group hug)* appreciate you gals immensely. And you're right, I was already watching my salt intake so that's no big loss, but I loved my Live Wire and Voltage. That's the one that's gonna hurt. :heart: ๐Ÿค
 
I just had a complete deconp due to, once again just like I'm constantly reminded all through childhood, that I never do anything when this particular MALE SAW me try to clean the walls but marks wouldn't come up... But no... I did nothing and he even said so! Fine! Then I'm a worthless piece of shit and I can't do anything right or at all! Fine! Im really starting to heap all men in the same boat again. I was past that I thought, but.... I can't do anything right! I actually started to beat myself again. I haven't done that in over two years... I was put in tears. I don't know when I'll be able to post. I may end up going to PES tonight that no one can help me with. Male caused stress past the breaking point. Sorry. I needed to vent. When you see this @LadyWolfie send me a text. If I haven't decided to self commit, I'll answer.
 
I had MEANT to update last night but distractions and needy 60 year old boy. The one who doesn't listen, but isn't HALF as irritating as my roommate. Who makes messes but won't clean them up without being nagged. Won't do chores without being nagged. I hate nagging. Makes me seem like a bitch, even to me. Arf. Prayed about it, asking for forgiveness on my end, forgave him as he is the same one who accused me of not doing anything... And STILL he's only half as irritating. So anyhoo, I'm going to at least answer the one post, and probably not be back today. Imma drown myself in crosswords and coloring.
 
I have really gotten sick of this irresponsible, disrespectful, inconsiderate, lazy no-good MALE! He does nothing, NOTHING around the house without being told umpteen million, trillium ZILLION times to do something and always, always, ALWAYS wants to take up 5-10 minutes arguing with you and giving you all kinds of lame excuses.... And that's what the hell they are.... EXCUSES... Why it's isn't him or shouldn't be him! The other two don't want him out because the one knows I won't support his damned nicotine addiction, and the other one... Although not NEARLY as disrespectful... Is just as bad at the irresponsibility game, always breaking shit around the house... After being woken up twice today, at 2:30 am and again at 7:30 am with playing something on his damned phone or computer one, the lazy asshole one.... The biggest cause of my stress, and probably the main reason I'm on blood pressure medicine already (males like him which my life has been full of) has officially put me in severe lesbian bitch mode. In short, I'm this damned close to writing ALL men off, again. No wonder so many girls are lesbians!!!! I will be showing this to my therapist, who haha I just talked to yesterday morning! Sorry, I tried NOT to be unladylike and unChristlike, but I'm (explicitive) PISSED! This has been going on since I've been here! And it's really the only one! All I can say is... MEN!!!!! (hope I did that right, I'm not re-editing)

@LadyWolfie 'm kinda glad you haven't had time to post on our roleplay, yet. I'm also glad you have always at least tried to be there for me. Just hearing the ding of your text has been a blessing and comfort especially these last few months. Your wisdom when you've spouted it, and we have texted, has been like a breath of fresh air. That's why you're like a sister figure to me.

@RainK Well, we tried, or rather are trying again, with the same characters playing the same virtual roles (almost) as where we left off.

@KiraMusani You've come along nicely in your ability to roleplay and hope you continue to improve. And I'm hoping I can still be around to enjoy the ride.

Blue Moon staff, you all have been incredible in helping me with questions and trouble. Although I would have loved to be maybe even Welcoming Committee, I know I don't have the patience. You have to have that in spades to put up with the shit you do daily.

Why am I writing this like it's my last time? Because I don't know how much longer I can deal with asshat males like the current real life issue without having a fatal heart attack. It's no longer a question of if. It's when. I don't think I have ever been this incensed or stressed where I can't enjoy something I love.
 
The worst part about my 8:30 rant this morning, is that the other two housemates I can get along with despite their foibles or fallacies... Because those two COMBINED don't give me HALF the grief one does. Isn't that a kick in the shorts?
 
I just got rude(ly) awoken by the literal STENCH of marijuana, and I just learned it can be vaped! There is a very REAL possibility that the same inconsiderate bastard that I've been having serious issues with, the lazy one who won't do anything around the house and is vaping in the room when he's been told not to, has chosen to do this. There is that possibility that the other one, the quiet one, is smoking the real stuff on grounds and it gets in through the open window. Whoever is guilty has no consideration of others'health and we'll bring. I've already been having severe thinking problems from distractions which actually CAN be a side effect of breathing in someone else's DAMNED marijuana smoke. That has been known to be a brain cell killer. THIS could be the reason I'll have to leave even though I don't want to. If I can no longer think and plot stories because my brain has been fried by others not giving a shit who they hurt, I'll have no choice.

@KiraMusani
@LadyWolfie
@RainK
 
Yeah, still kinda sore at the so-called "smart" phones and their constant inconsistency. You tell me what's wrong with these pictures. One is PM the other is forums.... Ready? Spot the difference.

Screenshot_20220809-142623.png Screenshot_20220809-142822.png

And that's the way it is.
 
Well, f* me for living.

Let's start with the fact that my text is acting up, therefore my phone. Let's add that I was stuck on the toilet when a lazy ass male resident wanted to bang on the door to be let in instead of actually putting the code in to open the door. Mix in I have to rush off to open the door for lazy ass, so my own wasn't exactly wiped right. I then left at least ten minutes later than I usually do, already worried I'll miss my 7:31 bus to make my 9:00 appointment. Factor in it's at least a 20 minute walk three quarters of a mile to the bus stop because I have a bum knee. Now add someone honks at me that knows me, but won't take me the rest of the way up to the bus stop. By the way... I normally leave at 7:00. Add it all up and what does it equal?

Depression, frustration, aggravation, unnecessary excess anxiety. And oh yes. The bus was early. The next one I wouldn't have made my only connection to make it on time.

So, yeah. F* me for even living and bah humbug.
 
Oh yeah, that sounds like a great start of your day. When everything that could go wrong decides to actually do so...

But to think positively: I'd compare it to walking in the rain. If it rains when you have to bring the trash out, you'd run out and back in, but if you take longer than that, it doesn't really matter anymore. There comes a point when you're already so rained on that it doesn't make a difference anymore.
If you're already late, there is literally no point in hurrying.
 
"Listen to me: I lost everything โ€” everyone. It makes a hole in your heart. But you can't fall into it. You have to fill it. You have to fight. Do not throw away who you are. If you do, that thing wins. The last son of Mars dies even if you're still standing." - Supergirl
 
Wow, a lecture from one of my own characters!

Seriously, I thought I knew every super lecture she ever gave. What was this one from? Well, I never saw the TV series, she seemed too much like Batman in it.
 
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