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Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

So I got a random text from Navy boy this morning and just ended up replying, "Okies, have a good day." And fell back asleep. [it was like 6:30 in the morning.]

Next thing I know it's about 7am and he's called me twice and left me a voicemail. I just saw the missed calls so I call him back and we talked for what I thought was like 10 minutes and was actually 2. <.< But still, he said he's going to find out today if he is free next weekend and that he wants to see me and be around me that weekend. So that made me happy. And then we hung up and I listened to his voice mail. I smiled so big cause the opening was, "Hey baby, it's me."

Just...man, that kid has good timing. Or awkward timing.

He also sent me a picture of the sun rising over the highway. It was so pretty.
 
Update: Still don't know where I'll be living in a week.
Update: Still haven't seen NB
Update: Will be gone for most of the weekend depending.


Have a good christmas, people.
 
Update: Got an extension on my lease by a month.
Update: Also got into a wonderful fight with my mother.
Update: I'm so done with everything and everyone. I'm either feeling confused, hurt, or jerked around, or on top of the world and I'm tired of this fucking roller coaster of emotions.
 
Going to see Navy boy on friday. wondering when that will be since it seems really up in the air.
Still looking at apartments. I seriously need SOMETHING to work out and soon.

My friends and I have had serious discussions about my "Alpha"/Dominant personality/tendencies. It's been proven I'm the Alpha of the group despite being the most quiet or standoffish out of everyone. We also talked about how I keep tabs on everyone - which is just something that I do - again, an alpha thing which I didn't even think about until it got brought up. Little things bother me that wouldn't bother most people - such as not knowing where people are/what they are doing if I ask them or if they disappear on me for a day when I know they are around or not as busy as they claim. Just something about it miffs me, even if it isn't them being assholish.

Random things you learn.
 
So tomorrow I see NB and I asked him when I should be expecting to leave. Guess what he said? "Well, if you're gonna be here around 11 then probably about 5ish." I asked him if it was because he had plans or something later on. "Yeah. Clubs and friends. Haha."

I don't even get a day to myself with him. Fantastic.

So I'll pretty much be driving down to hand him his gift and tell him I wasn't expecting much, just some honesty. No idea how long I plan on staying unless he makes it worth my while.

It figures that I put in some small amount of hope and it seems to fall apart. I love how if he had asked to come up and see me, I would have cleared my whole day just to be sure I got plenty of time with him.

Guess that's just too much to ask. Oh well. Guess it's just my luck, right?
 
Highlight of the day:

Finding out that Navy Boy is more into a chick named Paige who lives in the next town over from his.


So glad my expectations were low but my hope didn't follow the guidelines.

I'm tired in every way a person can be tired.

I just want to be loved again and be in love. Apparently, that's too much to ask for. Even a chance at it is too much to ask for.

I'm invisible.

Guess it will just stay that way.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

Now, im just a lonely drunk, so feel free to ignore tihs. but you shouldnt let this or any past relationships keep you down or give up hope. it would be a major disservice not to let someone love you. So, keep looking and dont lose sight of what you truly deserve.
 
Great. More heartache.

I missed you, you bastard, and you were too busy being distracted. You couldn't even say you missed me and then proceeded to ask about my holiday. And before that? All you could do was talk about chicks! WTF.
 
I'M MOTHERFUCKING MOVING. <3333333333

I scored a new apartment that is 950$/month with my roommate. WHICH IS A FUCKING SCORE.

And it's right next to the campus I work on. <3 I'm so happy right now. AND I GET TO TAKE ZIGGY. <33333

Finally, I got a break.
 
At first, I was at a point where I wanted something serious.

Now I seriously don't know what the fuck I want.

I think I just need to fuck around, get it out of my system, and just enjoy being single for awhile.


Or something.
 
Well I've never fucked around or enjoyed sex so I'm thinking that needs to change.

And I do enjoy my friendships. I love my friends very much. They help me out a lot so it works.
 
OR NOT.

Anyways. Tried the fwb thing and it just wasn't comfortable. Something about the guy was just giving me uncomfortable vibes so I decided not to go very far with the whole thing. He tried to convince me otherwise....what a tool. Just because you say you are good at sex means nothing to me - especially if kissing you makes me go, "eh, it's okay." Serious. Also, he kept saying he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I don't even know why when I never gave any actual indication I wanted to date him in any way. Just..wut.

Anyways. I guess I have to just get my own shit together and figure out what I want. Playing around and not being serious seems the best bet.

I start school on Tuesday. So not excited. I still have to write up my proposal which I should have done already but can't figure out how to start it. However, I will be getting it done tomorrow. I have to at this point. I also have to make sure I get into my Bio Sem class in order to graduate. Ugh, this sucks.
 
*hugs*

I don't blame you for holding off on that given that guy's reactions and such. Sounds to me like that would've created chaos if you had. And any time warning flags go up, it's better to heed that than forge on ahead ignoring them.

Bleh.... school is always hectic. But........... you are nearly there. So close! You'll get things done. Might not seem like it right now. But, you will. You might have to just take a day away from everyone and everything to get the proposal done. And as for the class? Not sure how your school is about things, but if the Registrar gives you shit, you can always go to the prof him/herself. Sometimes they'll let you in if they know there's a time crunch (like... actually graduating) that you're dealing with. Just saying, try not to take 'no' for an answer.

*more hugs*
<33333
 
Thanks, hon. I've gone to the department head of my major and he was just like "yeah, can't do anything." With the most bored fucking look on his face. I'm gonna go harass him on tuesday or wednesday with the professor in question to get into this class because I HAVE to have it. I'm not gonna wait a whole nother semester just to take one fucking class.
 
Yep. Be determined and don't be afraid to work up the chain or talk to the prof. Exceptions can always be made. And this is definitely an instance where one should be.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

--+Hahvoc Requiem+-- said:
OR NOT.

Anyways. Tried the fwb thing and it just wasn't comfortable. Something about the guy was just giving me uncomfortable vibes so I decided not to go very far with the whole thing. He tried to convince me otherwise....what a tool. Just because you say you are good at sex means nothing to me - especially if kissing you makes me go, "eh, it's okay." Serious. Also, he kept saying he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I don't even know why when I never gave any actual indication I wanted to date him in any way. Just..wut.

Anyways. I guess I have to just get my own shit together and figure out what I want. Playing around and not being serious seems the best bet.

I start school on Tuesday. So not excited. I still have to write up my proposal which I should have done already but can't figure out how to start it. However, I will be getting it done tomorrow. I have to at this point. I also have to make sure I get into my Bio Sem class in order to graduate. Ugh, this sucks.
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