RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]
Last night pretty much sucked after a point. And I've come to the realization that the only time I can tell when my other personality has slipped in and taken over somewhat, is when the edges of my vision blur. I suppose it's the trademark of that other personality, to be confusing and a little disorienting. Yet, it's always me giving the permission to do that - take over that is. Lately, it hasn't been very complete and I feel that that personality is retreating. Not disappearing or anything, but withdrawing into herself as I used to do when I would grow increasingly upset but wasn't sure how to say it. It actually makes me sad because I can feel her upset and how fragile she can be at times when faced with emotions she doesn't understand or know how to handle. And she's a part of me, so I'm partially upset as well, I just know how to handle the emotions. It's strange how the intentions of other people, good or bad, can affect us both. Usually, it's just me and that fact that she was upset is what is making things confusing. She normally never would, but she contains a lot of anger and yet a lot of indifference. Yet, I can understand why at the same time. She has a much stronger possessive streak and when she actually likes something and wants to keep it, she withdraws into herself when she can't have it or is denied it pretty clearly. So my mood has been off for a few days because of it. Hopefully, with the break of a few days off, I'll settle back into something relatively normal.
And to top it all off...my grandfather is in the hospital...
He had a stroke this morning.
He can no longer talk.
And he's paralyzed on his right side....
They think it's permanent....
I'm crying because I lost more of my grandfather.
It's like pieces of him are being stripped away every time I talk to my nana or see him.
Your support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)
