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Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc.

RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

And I wonder where to go
When all I see is untouched snow
Stretching onward towards dusk
And turning memories into dust.

The landscape is relentless
Carving heartache into repentance
Giving up this forsaken lifestyle
So that I may stay a little while.

Cold winds push with invisible fingers
Wiping away frost gripped tears that linger
The sun light fading like a waning lover
The horizon promising salvation's cover

Trudging through the miles of my mind
The bleakness overwhelming in kind
Color sweeps across the canvas of sorrow
Igniting a pathway of hopeful tomorrow
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Shutting out the light
With nothing but air
Revolving faster
Around the fear
Gasping for reason
And choking back care
There is no logic
In giving death a dare
Close up the lie
With a falsified laugh
Withdraw into hatred
And embrace relapse
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Twirl about in the seamless ether
Drifting towards a nameless forever
Resonate with an endless dream

Memory filled whispers
Encased by temptation
Hidden by passion's scream

Turn lips towards the Sun
While lives come undone
Not everyone will survive

Fingers outstretched
Towards something unseen
Grasp away at nothing

Eyes shut wide
To worthless goodbyes
As voices fall from the sky

Trapped in the nether
With forgiveness untethered
The light is a breath away

Let the words slide from your fingers
And trace back the syllables
Trying to find substance in nothing
Stretch the mind to far off places
And fill the void with sound

Take a step back from the discontent
Breathe deep and remember intent
Corner the phrases to suit your soul
And don't hold back as you let go
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Cut out the sickness before it spread
Stopped the infection before I was dead
Saw away at the illness of a lie
And accepting the cure as goodbye

White out the blackness
And erase the mask
True color seeps out
Forever to last

Ignorant of logical view
Collect the cancer
And draw out the truth
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

As I'm sitting here, I wonder if things are worth the struggle. Sometimes when we strive for things, we sacrifice a lot to make those things possible. But what if we give too much? Or too little? Is it ever really enough? Sometimes I question my decisions- not because I fear regrets, I have none of those- but because I wonder if I could have taken a different path that would have made me happier. I'm happy, in a sense, to be where I am in life. But on the other side of the coin, I'm not happy and am restless. I want things done now. I want things to never end. I'm in a constant state of flux and stress and then rest and relaxation. Will the work never stop? Of course not.

I wonder if I give too much of myself to people I trust. I wonder if I don't ask enough of them or if I ask too much. I wonder a lot of things. I'm constantly thinking about the things that matter or don't matter, or matter just enough to penetrate my deep thinking. I don't outright care what people think - but those are strangers in a sea of strangers. I care about what the people I love think to an extent. So I wonder what they think of me most days. I hope they are good things.

Can anyone ever really justify what it means to give enough? It depends on the person on the receiving end. Some people are overly selfish and it breaks hearts when people are like that, or just wears them down, but some people aren't selfish at all. These people suffer too. The selfish and the selfless. It's another one of those cycles of life that spin on forever.

I wonder where I'll be in a year. I'm hoping I'll be one step closure to graduation and graduate school and moving somewhere new. My options are open. My scope is limitless. I just hope that when the time comes, I won't be lost. I won't be confused. That I'll be right where I wanna be and striving for more. One can only wonder and hope.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Breathe in the sparks
Let the air fly
From lips so open
They come to life

Shut eyes against the cold
Take in the glow
From water so warm
It makes self-control

Swirl around the earth
Let the wind take hold
Run a hundred miles
To find your way home

Let your fingers touch the rain
Let your lips grace the moon
Let your breath trace the flames
And your skin scorch the earth
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

I never thought I would ever hurt this badly- so badly that I would want to break my vow and bloody my sleeves until I stopped feeling the cut from the razor.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

-Hugs tight-
Love you hon. I'm here if you need anything.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Fall down the curves of pale white
With rivulets of black mixed in
There is no air
There is no air

Suck back the hatred
Release the sadness
Until tomorrow
Until tomorrow

Breathe in the numbness
Grasp at the emptiness
Try to feel alive
Try to feel alive

Scream out the pain
Wipe away the insane
Know it's not all right
Know it's not all right

Falling backwards
Towards an unknown
This is what it feels like
To cry all alone
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

We cannot dwell here
In the rose colored garden
Suddenly turned black
From all the bruises we've endured

We cannot stay here
In this paradise
That crumbles down
From between our bloody fingers

We cannot hope to be
The essence of what we were
With the shadow of the Devil
Hanging his noose around our necks

We cannot ever be
The same
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

*snuggles*

Oh and thank you for the most beautiful, understanding offline message ever. I adore you so much for the support you give me. <3
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Walls too high to see over
Walls too steep to climb
Buried so far below the ground
I've wondered if I've died

A miasma of emotion swells
Choking the life from me
Eyes swollen shut
From poisonous disbelief

Swallow down the fire
Of a love stuck in purgatory
And as the sun slips away
I wonder if this is the end of our story
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Breathe life back into me
Give me back my sanity
Cause I'm trying so hard
To live with the scars

Break the silence with a sigh
Holding hands without goodbye
Trying to find our getaway car
With heavy hearts that are marred

Gentle whisper calling to me
Give me back what made me happy
Cause I'm trying to learn
How to heal the blackened burn

Still raw and bleeding from the pain
Trying to make things right again
Take these broken hands and hold them tight
As we both endure an endless fight
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Pissed and tired and sad and hurt. Drinking doesn't ease the pain but it makes me happier when I take from the bottle like I've been here before. Like there's something to live for and I love him, goddamnit, I love him and it's hard to see why in this endless ocean of lies, and I find the tears are hard to live with when it's over and I've got nothing to give with, but I gotta tell ya, I've never been more confused and choked up like I've been, just wondering when all this hurt will end cause I believe you, I believe in us, no matter how hard and rough this life seems to be, I just want us to be back to you and me, like we are supposed to be and I need you, fuck yeah, I need you, so please baby, please don't break this heart, this heart that is so full of hurt and love that it just can't move on or give up, so please, baby, just don't mess this up, this is our last shot so just hold me up, and give me all that we have lost, cause I need you, I miss you, so please, darling, just let us see this through.
 
RE: Chaos Theory: Causing Hahvoc. [Update]

Hang in there hon. I know everything will work out if you try. -hugs- <3
 
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