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Ghouls Dogma (1x1 with DarkMudkip)

She stared at her lap for a moment further before gently putting her head in her hands. “And what of Kojurou? What will you tell him of me?”
 
"For now, he will believe that you were killed. Until we can get everything in order." He told her, "We will find Masamune and your son. For now, focus on your continued recovery."
 
Jin knew this wound hurt Kojurou deeply, and as for her son, she didn’t want to wait. There was no other choice. She nodded. “Yes, Mitsunari-sosakan.” She said softly, closing her eyes and rubbing her face before laying back.
 
All of the nurses gave Kojurou pitying glances when they thought he wasn’t looking, spoke to him gently. He had only just woken up, but he knew he was alone. His son was taken, and his love dead, slaughtered by the person whom he had thought was his family.
 
Kojurou didn't eat much, he didn't like eating anymore. The thought made him nauseous. Why was he allowed to live? Why didn't Masamune just kill him too? Or why not have Akihime do it? He hardly slept because of the nightmares he had; rewatching Jin die every time he fell asleep. So he just didn't. He just wanted to die. Be with Jin in enternal peace. He felt so alone.
 
Every time Kojurou asked if he could see her body, he was given some excuse why he couldn’t; he wasn’t ready to get up out of bed yet, he shouldn’t push himself- why wouldn’t they let him see her body? Had something else happened to her body? Was her corpse in a worse state than before? He even had a representative of the CCG come to him for burial plans.
 
It was all so stressful. Way too stressful for him to handle. The only one he could really talk to in the facility was Yukimura. And even then, he didn't really talk. He just wanted someone who wasn't giving him pills to be there with him. But he was starting to break.
 
He had nothing left, nothing holding him to that world. His son was in the hands of the lunatic who killing the love of his life, mutilated and killed her before his very eyes; was his son bound to suffer the same fate? Jin has struggled to the very end to try and save their son, and after everything she endured, she never even got to see or hold her own child. Their child had no name, they had still been deciding when they were taken, and now he had no parents. How was this fair?
 
Kojurou decided that there was no point. He wrote a letter detailing who it was that held them hostage and why and that he had his only child, and he pleaded for them to look for the baby. He begged forgiveness, but he just couldn't stand the heartache and shame any further. The only honorable thing to do now was to kill himself. He tugged off the cotton shirt he was given and grabbed a knife he had stolen while he was allowed out of his room. He sat on his knees and took a deep breath, ready to finally make his peace.
 
It was a painful decision, but it was far more painful not to go to Jin. He had failed to keep his promise to her, she had died in agony, cut up and in a pool of her own blood. She hadn’t deserved that kind of death, she hadn’t deserved to suffer in the way she had, enduring everything she could until she could no longer. He had to atone for his shortcomings, and for his broken promises to her. He knew she would scold him, would cry if she were to witness such an act, but she wasn’t there to witness it anyway.
 
"Please forgive me, Jin...this is the only way that I can make up for what I've done." He muttered and grabbed the knife, bringing it close to his belly. He took a deep breath and drove the knife in with force, doing his best to disembowel hinself but the held of the blade was immediately slick with blood.
 
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The pain was barely even an ache compared to the hole in his heart, only feeling discomfort at the blade jaggedly cutting through his flesh with his unsteady grip. Blood poured from the gash in his gut, innards spilling out and before he knew it, he had collapsed forward from blood loss.
The noises were faint, but he could’ve sworn he heard a scream, rapid talking and then hands on him. Was this it? Was this death? A pseudo-consciousness where he would only remain in limbo forever? Or had his actions of atonement not been enough?
 
Perhaps this was how he was supposed to attone. So close to reunite with Jin yet still so far away. Fitting,considering how close he had been to her while she suffered. He would learn to endure it. Even if it took eternity.
 
Was this the despair that Jin felt in her final moments? No, in all of the moments she spent suffering up until her death? What about now? Was she at peace? Was she still suffering?
“-waking up, please inform Mitsunari-sosakan..!”
Waking up? Who was talking, what did they mean?
 
He could vaguely hear the sound if an EKG, and he became depressed all over again. He forced his eyes open and looked around. Of course he was in the hospital. Of course someone had found him in time. That was his luck now. He tried to sit up but another nurse stopped him.
"Please don't move, you'll reopen your wound!"
 
Why couldn’t they have let him die? Why wouldn’t they let him go be happy? This whole situation was miserable, through and through.
 
The door opened and he looked over when he saw Mitsunari enter.
"I'm told you tried to commit seppuku...rather old fashioned, if I may say so." He remarked. Kojurou just looked miserable and tired.
"Please let me die." He pleaded softly. Mitsunari shook his head and waved out the nurses.
"I cannot."
"Why?" Kojurou forced out, "Why not?"
"Because we are looking for your son. And Jin is alive." He stated. Kojurou's eyes widened. Alive?
 
There was no way she was alive, he saw the light fade from her eyes, he had seen how much blood she had lost- was he trying to make a cruel joke?
 
"She's been turned into a ghoul.." Mitsunari told him. Kojurou felt tears burn in his eyes and he looked away. That's right, Masamune had ripped out Akihime's kakuhou and put it inside Jin. He had hoped the process would fail so she wouldn't be cursed with such a life. But he was sort of glad to hear she was alive.
 
If Jin had survived, then why did everyone think she was dead? Why was he told she was dead? It didn’t make sense.
 
"Why keep her survival a secret...?" Kojurou asked weakly. Mitsunari made a noise.
"She will be admitted into a new program we're developing to be better equipped at fighting the ghouls." He answered. Kojurou took a breath.
"Will I see her again...?"
"Eventually. Right now she is still recovering and will begin training."
 
Jin’s training was hard, harder than her training in the academy, far harder. Her RC cell rate was just above ten thousand, and using her kagune was hard, draining her strength quickly and making her lose control. Her body healed quickly, but the pain stayed the same, the stress of forcing herself to her limit again and again only receiving minor results. It left her angry and frustrated. Fighting with her Quinque was easy, in fact, her reflexes and agility had increased along with her speed, but she felt it didn’t make up for her inability to use her kagune for more than five minutes without losing control.
 
Akihime's kakuja was not being kind to Jin, Mitsunari noticed. It would be difficult for her to really keep control. But he knew she would overcome, one way or another.
 
When the kakuja would form, it would pierce into Jin’s flesh, wrap around her body until it was strangling her and nearly breaking bones, it only further droves the madness it brought with it. It was an unsightly giant of a kagune, nine tails sprouting from her back that almost seemed to have a mind of their own.
 
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