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Is He A Lover or A Fighter? (Part 4) WF+GF

Jake was happy for his sister but felt a little guilty for being happy and excited for her. She was going to be a great mother and he knew it. She did amazing taking care of Owen and she would be the most selfless person he could think of to be a parent. He was beyond happy for her and Luke. "That's awesome but why don't I get to see the room?" He asked raising an eyebrow. "It will have to be after Denver for us though..." He told her.

He frowned at Adri. "Don't be mean. And trust me our electric bill won't be anything close to what theirs would be." He made a face. Jake looked at Owen. "You approve O?"

Jake kissed Adri softly. "Thanks babe."

Amy snuggled Luke a moment then mentioned that they should probably head home. She was worn out. John and Eileen followed. Everyone said byes and gave hugs. Jake went in after everyone left. The dogs followed them in and Jake went upstairs to grab pajamas for Owen.

Jake put on basketball shorts and took his shirt off before grabbing Owen's clothes. He came back down to get him changed. "O come here buddy. Let's get you a new diaper and your pajamas on." Owen ran off and played with Max. Jake let him for a few minutes then grabbed him to get him changed.

He looked at Adri and wondered when she'd be ready to talk. It worried him that she'd just keep pushing it back.
 
“I didn’t think you would want to see it. It’s not that manly. Mama and baby animal themed. Blue and grey. His name on the wall. A beautiful white rocking chair. I’ve alresdy slept in it. The best. When I get too big I might just make that my bed.” She told them and squeezed Luke’s hand. “Sorry. No sharing.”

Adri said her goodbyes and picked up Owen who ga e everyone a hug and kiss. It was almost his bed time anyways. She rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head. They waved she. Everyone drove away and set him down so he could walk inside.

“I’m going to take a shower. Are you okay with him for a little while?” She asked. She rubbed Jakes hair back and went upstairs to shower and wash her hair. She dried it with a towel and then a hair dryer so she didn’t get her pillow wet. She put on some shorts and a tank top and went downstairs. She was going commando in preparation for tomorrow and I clothes day.

She sat on the couch and wrapped up in a blanket.
 
Jake told her he had Owen. "Enjoy your shower babe." He told her and watched her go upstairs. Jake got Owen some milk to sit and relax a bit with Max. Owen had his blanket on the floor, Max was on his side and Owen's head was on Max's stomach.

It was cute watching Owen snuggle with Max and it put things into perspective for him. He looked over at Adri before moving to sit next to her. He climbed under her blanket with her. His hand rested on her legs and he kissed her head.

"I love you...you know that right?" He asked her softly. "I'm sorry...having everyone over probably wasn't the best thing tonight."
 
“I know and I love you too.” She said softly.

“I told you to invite everyone. People shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells because I can’t have kids. It’s fine. It was nice. We got a lot done today. The house looks great. I’m going to find a white board on Amazon and maybe an advent calendar for everyone too. Another thing to put on their bed.” She shrugged and shrugged her shoulder.

“I have to make those Christmas baskets too. We have the LL Bean coats, the Christmas Eve pajamas, scarves, hats and gloves. The advent calendar. I think that’s enough for when they first arrive. Oh and I got slippers that match the pajamas. I thought those would be nice. No dirty shoes in my cabin.” She told him.

She grabbed her iPad and looked up some nice black whiteboards that would match the kitchen in the cabin all year round. “Whiteboard or chalkboard?” She asked. “I like the aesthetic of a chalk board but whiteboard are so easy.”
 
Jake sighed. "Babe...that's not what the doctor said..." He said softly. They just would have to get more creative. It shouldn't be impossible though. She wanted to put it off and ignore the situation and he wanted to talk about it. He was trying to stay level headed. It felt like he was kind of dealing a line with it.

"Matching the pajamas how?" He asked. "What colors?" He asked. "I think it's plenty. They are getting treated better than a five star hotel."

Jake shrugged. "Either is fine. We should hang it up though cause people who rent out the cabin may use it too." He thought about it. "Chalk board." He told her and kept an eye on Owen who kept moving. Owen probably knew if he laid still he would fall asleep.
 
“That’s what it felt like. And I told you I didn’t want to talk about it so stop being it up. I just want a nice Christmas and I don’t want to think about it. I want to be happy and spend time with my family. We can figure out the rest after New Years.” She sighed.

“You picked them out. The red and white plaid shirt and bottom with our name embroidered on the hip. And then the slippers are the same it might have been a deal to get the pajamas and slippers. I don’t remember.” She said and shrugged her shoulder. She spent too much and she knew but she was able to spoil her family and that’s what she did.

She found a chalkboard and put it in the cart and sent it to the cabin. No more shopping. She was done. She yawned and looked at Owen, “Come here O.” She called and put him on her chest. He would sit still and fall asleep if she held him. “We might crash on the couch but feel free to go to the bed if you get uncomfortable.” She told him.

“I may have gone overboard with Christmas but remember it’s only once a year and I’m allowed too. This is my holiday.” She said. “Just saying.”
 
"We can have a nice Christmas Adri. I don't want to wait almost a month to talk about this though. That's a little unfair. I can give you time but a month... Maybe we should just talk about it and get it over with so we know the plan." He suggested. "I'm not bringing it up to hurt you Adri. I can tell you faked most of today and I don't want you to have to keep doing that."

Jake shook his head. "I know the pajamas. I was asking the slipper color." He sighed a bit and watched Owen. When Owen climbed up to sit with Adri, Max got up and moved over to lay on the floor by the couch. "Max he's fine. His mama has him. She isn't going to let anything happen." He scratched his head. "It's okay boy." Owen kept drinking his milk and snuggled into Adri. Jake looked over at Owen and rubbed his head, pushing his hair back. "Okay. I'll take the bed to myself if I have to..." He said to Adri. "You don't want me to wake you two to go up to bed?"

"I'm not saying a word about what you spend on Christmas Adge. I get it. I may joke but that is it. It really doesn't bother me. We have the wedding pretty much paid for and done. We pay our bills." He shrugged, "That's then up to you if you want to spend what we have on Christmas. I think it's a good expense." He told her.

Jake leaned back and closed his eyes. He was in pain but it wasn't unbearable. It had been a long day.
 
"A little unfair, are you serious?" She took a breath and looked at Owen. "I'll put him to bed and we can get it over with." She said softly. "I would have had you carry us but you're broken." She pouted. She got up and rocked Owen back and forth. It really didn't take long for him to go to sleep. She had Max and the girls to the bathroom before she took Owen upstairs to bed.

She came back down and sat in her spot on the couch again. "Where should we start?" She asked softly. If this became a fight, if this was the beginning of the end, she wanted to hold it off until after Christmas so she could at least get her big happy Christmas. This wasn't how she wanted to end her year.

"What am I suppose to say?" She asked. "How do I say it?" She shrugged her shoulder and looked at the couch. She didn't want to cry in front of him but she could already feel the tears. She bit her bottom lip. She couldn't bury herself in work. It was too late for that. She could push him away. That would be easier than having her soul crushed with his words. It would be easier for him. It was fair to him to just let him go.
 
Jake sighed. "Baby I'm not saying we have to have it today. I just don't want to wait a month. We exactly wont talk about it in Denver." He told her. "You know I'd still do it. Then you'd yell at me." He watched her go upstairs.

When she came back down he put his hand on her leg. "I don't know." He told her softly. "What are you feeling or thinking with this?"

"I'm afraid you will shut me out. I know it's hard and not how we planned but I still am willing to do the IVF. Regardless I'm in this with you. I want you to talk to me and come to me. You don't have to be upset or sad alone." He wrapped his arm around her.
 
“I don’t know.” She said softly.

“I’m angry. I’m devastated. I’m sad.” She said. “I don’t know how to feel. Or what to think. I’m just upset. Nothing feels right anymore.” She told him honestly.

“You don’t have to stay.” She told him. “You want kids. You want a future and I feel like I can’t provide it anymore. I promised you a million kids and I can’t give it to you.” She shook her head. “IVF isn’t a guaranteed baby. We could get a surrogate but I wouldn’t have that feeling. I want to feel the kicks and breastfeed and do all of that other stuff and I don’t know if I ever will and it sucks.” She took a breath and licked her lips.

“Talking about it isn’t going to not make me sad. I’m going to feel like this no matter what.“

She bit her bottom lip, “And then there is this horrible part of me that’s saying if I do get pregnant and I can’t deliver it and they have to do a c-section I will have this huge scar on my stomach. Then what? Then I get to pick between kids and my career and I hate that I might have to make that choice. And I hate that I am thinking that way.” She said softly.

“I just feel fucked. An unwoman. Just nothing.”
 
Jake listened to her and didn't interrupt. He just let her have her moment to express the best way she could about how she felt. He understood where she was coming from. He couldn't say he completely understood cause he didn't. He had a child. She had Owen but she didn't have one from her own flesh and blood. Most people would say it's no different, but when you're a woman, it is. He knew that.

"I understand IVF isn't a guarantee, but I still want to try it. We won't know if we don't try..." He told her. "As for a surrogate...it will still be our baby at that point. I understand that you want to carry the child and breast feed. But you wouldn't have to worry about a c-section. A lot of women have to use alternative methods. Like the doctor said could just be the first time then you can be popping out babies left and right." He shrugged. "I don't want to have to make you choose between a career and a child. I don't want you resenting me because you have to have a c-section but truth is that could have happened no matter what. Many women want to deliver naturally and the baby chooses something different." He shrugged.

"I feel it's normal to be feeling the way you do. You're still a woman in every way. I think once you process it and we figure out a plan that maybe you can help other women who have something similar they are going through. As for saying I don't have to stay...." He sighed and held her tighter. "You're right, I do want more kids. I also want a future. But I also asked you to be my wife. This doesn't change that. I still want to wake up next to you every day. I want a future with you. It's our decision what that future is. If this is my family and it doesn't grow any until Owen gets married then so be it. As long as it's you that I'm sitting next to when we're old and senile then I'll be happy. I'm in this with you Adri. We're in it together."
 
"I just don't want you to start hating me if it turns out that I really can't have kids." She said softly and shrugged her shoulder. The doctor said you're potent. You have nothing to worry about. You could be with any other woman in the world and start a family. You already were. I don't want you to think of Owen as you first and last. I don't want to be the reason he is your first and last." She said with a sigh.

Deep down they knew how to talk to each other about feelings but Adri never liked to start the conversation. Therapy did wonders for them when it came to opening up but Adri felt like closing up again. She didn't want to hurt him and she didn't want to get hurt. She loved Jake and she knew he would make a great father. He would never break up with her. Especially not now but if things started looking like he wouldn't get the future he deserved she would back out.

She wrapped her arm around his waist and rubbed his side with her thumb. "I want to go to bed and forget today." At least she would have work tomorrow to help pass the time.
 
"I could never hate you Adriana." He kissed her head. Jake let out a sigh and closed his eyes. "He wouldn't have to be. We could find a surrogate. Or we could adopt. A lot of celebrities adopt." He told her. "I don't want another woman. I was drunk and didn't use protection when I made Owen. That's not exactly ideal. I didn't go looking to start a family..." He wondered if maybe it happened the way it did because he would meet Adri and fall in love and they couldn't have a family so this was their family.

Jake didn't want her to back out. He sure as hell wouldn't want them to get married for her to then back out. He only wanted to go through it all once and that was with Adri. He knew she was still in shock about it all and hopefully when it sunk in a bit she'd get that drive that he loved about her and they'd figure something out together. In all honesty it scared him she was thinking about letting him go. He didn't need any favors. He loved her. It would be hard to see her when she saw Owen and they not be together. Jake feared that she'd turn her back on him too cause he was too hard of a reminder that she couldn't make her own baby the way she wanted.

"I'll carry you upstairs." He offered her with a smile. Jake gave her a squeeze before getting up and picking her up. She wasn't heavy and his side with the bad ribs held her legs so it made it easier. "Can I be honest with you?"
 
“You really shouldn’t.” She told him but didn’t fight when he picked her up because that could just hurt him more. She kept her head on his shoulder and when they got to their room she slipped out of his grasp and got in bed. He pulled back the covers him and got comfortable on her side of the bed.

“I don’t know. Maybe. What truth are you going to tell?” She asked warily.

She turned to face him and held her hand out to his. She gave it a soft squeeze and yawned. “I’m pretty much sober now if you want to take your pain meds.” She told him. She wasn’t even sure if she could sleep right now. “I don’t want you in pain anymore than you have to be.”
 
Jake got her on the bed and kissed her head. He moved to his side of the bed and climbed under the covers. "With you saying it's okay if I left...I'm now more scared to lose you than I am to not expand on our family. You make me happy. You know more better than I know myself...I love you Adri." He told her.

He held her hand and thought about it. "I think I'm okay. I just may take one to help take the edge off and make it easier to fall asleep." He told her. Getting back up, he took a pill with a sip of water before climbing back in bed.

"Want me to put something on the tv to fall asleep to?" He offered. "And thank you for talking to me. I know it wasn't easy." He kissed her softly.
 
“I love you too Jake.” She said.

She watched him get off the bed and rolled onto her back. She looked at the ceiling and turned her head when he got back in bed. “If you want. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll get tonight. I’ll be quiet if I get up.” She told him and laid there until he fell asleep. Then she got up and went to the gym and ran for a little while to make her body tired but that didn’t help. She took a shower and then watched Owen sleep.

It was early in the morning so no one was really awake except for her parents who sent a text that they landed and were on their way home. Instead she sent them a text to come over and after some prodding they did. Her dad went to bed and her mom stayed up all night with her and spoke to her and held her until she fell asleep. They were both asleep in the couch when Jake and Owen would wake up.
 
Jake woke up and was hurting but it would go away. It wasn't awful. Weirdly he wanted to go for a run but he couldn't so he got up and went for a walk on the treadmill. He then showered and by then Owen was awake.

He went in Owen's room and he was standing up in his crib and smiled at Jake when he entered the room. "Hi big boy. Did you sleep well?" Jake picked him up and changed his diaper and let him just run around in his diaper and pajama shorts. "Let's go let the dogs out." He picked Owen back up and they went downstairs and opened the back door. He saw Adri and her mom on the couch.

It was nice her parents were home and he assumed she told them, at least her mom. Owen pointed to them, "MawMaw!"

"Shhh. Yeah mawmaw. She's sleeping with mommy. We gotta stay quiet okay?" Owen gave Jake a nod. "Want to make breakfast? Want to help daddy?" He kissed his temple. They let the dogs back in and then went to the kitchen. Jake put Owen on the counter and then grabbed all the things for breakfast. "Omelettes and hashbrowns sound good buddy?" Owen sat on the counter playing with a plastic spoon. "Nooo..." He told his dad. "Tough daddy is making Omelettes." He kissed his head and began cooking.
 
Not being the heaviest sleeper in the world Adri woke up when the fridge door closed. She slowly got her head off of her mother's lap and rubbed her face. "That's not a good place for a baby." She told Jake and walked over to the counter in front of Owen. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up." She said to Jake. She kissed Owen's forehead and looked at her mom.

"They landed at like two and I was going to go over there but I convinced them to make a detour. Dad is in the guest room. I don't know how long we stayed awake." She rubbed her eyes.

"I don't know how I am going to do Teen Vogue. I probably look like crap. Crying most of the night and sleeping on the couch doesn't help." It was pretty early in the morning. She could take a nap and refresh her skin. She knew the tricks to make herself look good.
 
Jake looked at Adri than Owen. "I'm watching him. He's okay. Aren't you buddy?" Owen smiled and showed Adri his spoon. Jake shook his head. "It's okay. I understand why you weren't I went for a walk on the treadmill and let him sleep a bit." He kissed her cheek.

"They can sleep as long as they want and need to. They are always welcome here. I'll save naked day for a different day." He gave her a small smile.

"Take a nap...or go back to sleep. Take your mom and go up to our room. I can handle this guy." He tickled Owen's belly. Jake wrapped his arms around Adri and gave her a hug. It bothered him she never responded to his honest fear. He didn't know where her head was with that. He kissed her. "You'll look beautiful no matter what. You always do."
 
“Sorry Boo. I know you were looking forward to naked day.” She said and rubbed his back.

“I’ll eake her up before this guy does.” She tickled Owen’s belly and picked him up. Together they woke up mawmaw and sent her off to bed with dad. She grumbled a good morning to Jake and kept walking to bed.

Adri turned the TV on for him and set him down. She walked back into the kitchen and sat on the counter. “Will you come here for a second?” She asked and pointed between her legs. She put her arms on his shoulder and her forehead against hers. “ I was prepared to let you go.” She said honestly. “And I’m sorry for thinking that way. You said you were in this with me and right now I need all the help I can get. I want you by my side. Forever and always. I love you.”
 
"Its okay. I'll get one in before we head to Denver. Be prepared when everyone leaves I'm getting naked." He kissed her cheek.

Jake smiled and watched them wake her mom up. "Morning mom." He told her and then looked at Adri.

He walked over and put his hands on her hips. His eyes looked into hers before wrapping his arms around her into a hug. "I'm already here baby. I'm not going anywhere. We can handle this together. This doesn't change how I feel about you or how I see you. You're still sexy as ever. I still am crazy about you." He gave her a peck. "I love you." He gave her another small kiss. "Thank you for not shutting me out. Don't hesitate to come to me. Or cry on my shoulder. Or if you need me to hold the punching bag I'm your guy." He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger a moment.
 
“I can’t wait.” She smiled. “I will always love seeing you naked.” She told him.

“I know babe. And that’s why I can’t let you go.” She pulled him closer and hugged him to her chest. Owen came running into the kitchen with his cup and it was time to start cooking again. Adri got off of the counter and gave him some water. She let him run off and stayed with Jake silently for a little while before going to the living room to stop Owen from climbing on the tables.

When breakfast was ready she set him in his high chair and sat at the table. She wasn't hungry but she would feed Owen or make sure he ate most of the food and only dropped a little for the dogs. She checked the time, "After breakfast, I will probably go take a nap. I will set my alarm for ten thirty or so. Vogue gets here around 12 so if I am not up by 11 come jump on the bed and force em up."
 
He smiled and shrugged. "Its not like it would he full naked anyway...we have a munchkin running around. Definitely no shirt and shorts with no underwear." He smiled proudly because he had a body to show off and worked hard for it.

Jake hugged her tight and kissed her head. Before letting go for her to get Owen a drink he kissed her lips softly. When she came back in he looked at her but let the silence say it all. He was there and he felt they were already making steps in the right direction.

He put Owen's one egg omelette on a plate to cool. "I get to jump on the bed? Sweet." He smiled and held her hand. Jake knew that this bump in the road would only bring them closer together. "I can make you something to eat that time since you're not really eating now. I make something for your parents too whenever they get up. I'm surprised a little guy isn't trying to go find them and wake them up." He kept eating. "What do you want to eat? I can have it ready before I wake you."
 
“Most makes it good enough for me. You can put on the elephant and walk around if you want.” She smiled really big at that and gave his butt a pat.

“Maybe Owen should jump on the bed. I don’t want you hurting yourself more than you already have.” She told him. “Sorry.”

She shook her head to breakfast, “There is nothing that I really want to eat. You can boil eggs and make toast and I’ll eat that. I’m just not hungry.” She shrugged her shoulder. She rubbed Owen’s head and fed him breakfast. Which he scarfed down. “Must be growing.” She said softly. “How about a piece of toast?” She asked and got up to make Owen toast. She also grabbed some strawberries for him to chow down on.

“Dad should be up soon. All those years in the navy worked wonders for him recovering from time changes. So it won’t be all you for long. And if you need help you can always come wake me up.” She looked at Owen, “No tantrums okay? Daddy doesn’t feel good and he can’t deal tantrums.” She told him.
 
He rolled his eyes but smiled. "I'd rather go naked if I'm going that low." He laughed. "Maybe if he's napping I'll go completely commando." He gave her a wink.

"I'll wake you up. I'll let him jump on the bed and you'll then get lovely kisses from you future husband." He smiled and leaned over to kiss her. "What do you have planned tomorrow babe?"

"I can handle that. I'll have it ready when we go up to get you." He smiled as he ate and watched Owen. "He probably is. I'll tell you what though he will be the only kid in kindergarten eating a diet so he's ready to walk a runway and kick some butt in an octagon." He tickled his side and Owen giggled.

Jake gave her a nod. "What would he like to do? Just let him watch tv or do I need to find an activity to do together?" Jake chuckled like he was trying to babysit a kid or something. "I don't want him bored while you guys sleep but I don't want to force him to play with Owen either. Maybe we will leave the house for a bit..." He shrugged. "I'm not waking you up until 11. He will be fine. We will be fine. But thanks anyway mama." He kissed her cheek.
 
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