Blood written(lady/moon)

"yeah well i hated it." he mumbled, looking worried about her, she wasn't handling this very well at all. "i'm careful. never more than a pill every three days...." he mumbled. though, he'd taken several pills in the last few days. he knew she was right. he did. he just didn't want to face up to it, to struggle through life without something to help him through it. "they wouldn't. they know better." he mumbled because he wasn't very sure of that. "...Bailey you shouldn't... waste that much effort on me." he protested, caving because she always knew exactly what to say. "okay... i'll try... for you." he whispered, sounding so tired and defeated. "...we have to tell Sam... don't we?"

"She's making ver good progress." Crowley admitted with a smile. "i'll talk to him, but i think if there was any danger, it's over now. i was a bit worried about him being suicidal but i don't think that's a problem now, if it ever was." Crowley admitted. "for all m oddities i have... grown attached, to Dean." Crowley admitted. "and to a few certain others." he smiled. "Not Moose is m favorite though." he admitted with a chuckle. "well, save for the one." he admitted, letting his eyes trail over Castiel.
 
“Good.”She muttered sighing softly, before snorting a little. “If you die, I’m thinking it;ll just be a matter of who gets to crowley first.”She said amused that he didn’t sound so sure that the other’s wouldn’t tell her where to find crowley. “It’s not a wasted effort if I’m helping you.”she said looking relieved that he was going to try. “Thank you.”She muttered before nodding as she gently brushed her fingers through his hair. “...Yes. We could hide it, but we’ll hurt him when he eventually finds out. And he’s already worried enough, we can’t not tell him.”She muttered.

“Good.”Cas muttered relaxing a little before looking over at crowley, nodding slightly. “Ah....still talk to him. I think he wants to talk to you anyways, if only because you showed up without talking to him earlier.”Cas snickered a little before snorting. “Of course you like Moose the best. You both are geeky and reading people.”He teased a little, before looking up at the other, frowning ever so slightly as he considered the demon. “....Are you the reason I’m having problems with traps?Dammit, Crowley.”
 
"....i'm not gonna go kill myself you know." though he had thought about death, how nice it would be to just stop existing. how peaceful it would be. "okay..." he mumbled. he didn't want Sam to know. Sam would be angry. so very angry, but she was right. he had to tell him.

"Of course i will." Crowley promised. "but i need you, and Sam both to promise something." Crowley ordered. "Dean is in a hard place right now." Crowley admitted, staring at Sam quite hard. "when he comes back up, if he tells you what is wrong, you have to control yourself. don't get angry. don't scream, don't cry and for fucks sake don't blame yourself out loud or you[ll mess with the progress Bailey's made and before you ask, no. i didn't know, not until i heard them talking about it." Crowey admitted before smirking at Cas. "it's not entirely my fault. you wouldn't be having any problems if you didn't find me just as fascinating as i find you." he teased.
 
“....I don’t believe you.”Bailey grumbled, sighing softly because it pained her to see him like this. “Yea.We’ll talk to him in the morning. You need rest.”She said getting up slowly, holding out a hand to help him up. “Unless you’re planning on sleeping out here. Though I don’t suggest it. I mean, as nice as sex is in it, baby’s not the most comfortable to sleep in.”She said, still feeling messed up and confused about that, but knowing right now, he needed her to be a friend, and a friend only. So she’d do that.

Sam frowned a little as he rubbed a hand over his face, before sighing. Nodding a little. “I will.”He promised glancing at the angel. “....I wont mess up what progress she’s made. He wont let us help if we do.”Cas muttered before frowning at crowley. “You hadn’t known?”He asked curious to see what the other would say before huffing a little. “I do not find you fascinating, you idiot.” “....”Bailey paused, staring at the three in the living room as tehy walked in, wincing a little, figuring that cas and sam had woken up when she’d slammed out of the apartment earlier, and hoping that dean was ready for this. “Want some hot coco?”Sam asked already heading for the kitchen to get some for himself, even as he broke the salt line to at least let crowley in to sit down.
 
Dean shook his head because he really didn't want to go inside but he et her haul him to his feet. he hesitated, looking at the spilled pill bottles. one had broken open when he dropped it and thhere was aderall scattered everywhere. part of him was cringing at the wasted pills and another part was telling him to pick those up before some kid found them and thought they where candy. finally he bet down, picked it all up and handed the bottles to Bailey, letting her handle them. do with them what she willed.

"No. it did not start until after he was a demon i suppose." Crowley admitted with a sigh. "it does explain a great many things." he knew he should give them a warning, but he coudn't bring himself to break Dean's trust when Bailey was helping him. "you do, or my mark would not linger on your lips." Crowley teased. "my demonic presence wouldn't linger on you skin." he teased before smiling at Sam. "thank you Moose." he said, looking around. "this is a well protected location. even without the salt lines, i will not be able to linger here for very long." he warned them as Dean nodded. "thanks... yeah. Cocoa wuld be great."
 
Bailey watched him for a moment, smiling slightly when he handed them over. “Thanks, Dean.”She muttered pocketing them, she’d dump them out later.

“I’m sure it will.”Sam said frowning a little as he considered what he was hearing biting his lip. Nervous as he considered what he was going to have to do to help Dean. “....Well, if you’d refrain from randomly assaulting me with kisses, I’d be okay later.”Cas growled with such annoyance and confusion on why the other wanted, that sam choked on a laughter as he headed for the kitchen. “Good. Not that you can’t stay, but that it’s protected.”Sam said sounding pleased with the idea of having a place besides the bunker that they could rest. Though he had every intention of suggesting they head home soon, if only to check on bobby on the way and give dean some time without having to hunt. “Welcome.”Sam smiled at his brother as he went to get the cocoa, not even noticing the way Cas was staring at bailey, looking a little distracted. “....Sit.”Bailey muttered nudging dean towards the couch as she followed him, smiling as she took the drink from sam as he came back into the room. Nervous and worried about how this was going to go.
 
"just remember he's our brother and you love him and that you don't know half of what he's been through." Crowley said, patting Sam's shoulder before smirking at Castiel. "you are an Angel are you not? if you don't want me to, stop letting me." he pointed out before scowling at Sam a little for laughing while he as trying to tease Cas. "it is a good, safe place here. i'm sure if you take Dmitri that cute little bunker of yours will be even more protected." Crowley admitted with a grin. "do remind me to tease Dean about his porn collection." Crowley said with a smirk before examining Cas. a little annoyed that he was being ignored. "...yeah yeah... i'm sitting..." Dean mumbled, sighing a little, wondering if it was all going to come out into the open? they all knew about the alcohol and the sleeping around, but would he have to tell them about the cutting as well as about the drugs? he mumbled a thanks as he took the Cocoa and stared at it instead of drinking because he didn't want to be the one to start this conversation.
 
"I Know I know. I do love him, even 2hen he won't talk to me."sam muttered because it hurt to know dean didnt, but he'd be there for whatever dean wanted to tell him, even if he suspected he knew more then dean thought he did, he didn't want to he the one to bring it up."I am and telling you to stop, doesn't work. You know that."cas grumbled not sounding overly upset though he was cutesy confused on why crowley wanted to mess with him. Sam raised his eyebrows a little at the scowl, well aware of why crowley was annoyed, and amused that cas still found this confusing."you think our bunker is cute?"he said though he had every intent of heading there soon."....dean's porn collection?why are we teasing him about it?it's traumatizing to think about."sam whined a little, studying cas, wondering why he was staring so intently, and wondering what the angel was seeing that the rest of them werent."so...."bailey muttered sipping her cocoa before sighing. Deciding at least for now to just tell them the worst. "So....dean's been taking adderall. For awhile now." "....like for adhd?"sam said staring looking a little lost, he wasnt the smartest when he was sleep deprived and waking up, it was the middle of the night after all. "Yes. To get high....and we're going to help him stop." "....is that was what I was healing?the damage he did to himself?"cas frowned shifting his attention to dean. "Probably."
 
"...Sam..." Crowley looked at him. "You are a wonderful man but there is no way Dean can tell you the things he's been through. not when he knows you will only blame yourself. hate yourself even." he admitted. "He is, as he has always done, protecting you. remember that." he suggested. "you can hep him the most by not judging him, yeah?... i shouldn't say it but i will, when he was in hell, for a long time he had nightmares about you leaving him." Crowley admitted. "of you being ashamed of him... you're pretty much all he has Sam, and he spends half the time being certain you're going to leave him." he admitted with a sigh. "and he's too fucked up right now to know that's not true." he admitted. "very adorable with the way you've tried so hard to keep me out." he agreed before shrugging. "i enjoy making him uncomfortable." he admitted. "so how bout it Cas? can i be your pizza man?" he offered with a sly grin before watching Dean and Bailey, curious now.

Dean himself cringed at the blunt way Bailey tossed that out there and curled up as if expecting them to start screaming at him. he looked so lost and confused when that didn't happen. "you've been healing me?" Dean asked, stunned and setting his hands on his arms, feeling for the still there cuts and scratches he had given himself. sometimes because he needed the pain and sometimes because the Adderall made him twitchy and think there where things under his skin. every once and a while, he would wake up and think he hadn't actually hurt himself because he didn't have any cuts. had Cas been fixing them?
 
Sam winced a little at the other’s words, swallowing thickly. He hated that dean hadn’t wanted to tell him, not when he was pretty sure he already knew some of it. He only hated he hadn’t said something sooner, he might have made it easier on dean. Flinching harder at crowley’s words, his voice came out husky and tearful before he got it completely under control. “I’m not leaving him. He’s the strongest man I know, and if I have to fight him to prove that....well, it wouldn’t be the first time we fought.”Sam muttered his voice sounding calm, and locked down, because he didn’t trust himself not to cry. Not wanting to make it worse for dean then it already was, and it seemed his time with lucifer had provided some good practice, with vicious self control. “That wasn’t us. The wards were already in place-”Sam paused, lookign at crowley. “You’ve been inside?”He said sounding concerned the deenses weren’t enough. “....”Cas stared at crowley, not even answering what he found to be a very curious, and intriguing question, but not the one he wanted to focus on, not right now.

Squirming a little cas looked around the room, vaguely uncomfortable with the way all of them were looking at him. “Cas?”Sam muttered watching the angel even as he settled on the couch next to dean, sipping his own glass of hot chocolate. “....yes. I...when I was gone, I’d come back and sense injuries, damages to your body....I thought you’d gotten in a bar fight or such and didn’t want to ask for help, so I healed it without making you ask for it.”
 
"i know your not." Crowley assured Sam. "but Dean is extremely fragile right now. i just wanted to warn you." he admitted. "once he starts recovering, he might start talking to you again." he admitted. "it's hard to be on the sidelines Sam, i know, you're going to b more hep just staying with him nd not judging him than you could ever imagine." he promised. "i'm pretty sure a good beat down would certainly set him straight." he agreed with a chuckle, watching Sam, wishing he could help the brothers more. "Oh... i thought it was a little lazy." he admitted. "the protections are wearing down, you need to update them. it was very hard to get in, but i could get in. i doubt the others could, i only got in because of the Angelic touch clinging to me." Crowley admitted. "but if i can get in, Lucifer may be able to as well so you'll want to redo the protections." he admitted.

"i...." Dean swallowed hard, eyes wide, petrified, waiting. "i... the pain... it helps..." he whispered, hunching in because he knew Cas knew and hiding it was no longer an option anyway even if Bailey hadn't have made him. "i..it was only sometimes, at first, but then it was too much, and the pain kept me focused, but i'd remember, so i started drinking to forget, and i was getting tired...so tired, so the Adderall helped, and i just.... everything all just...." he curled in, hunched, looking as if he expected them to outright attack him.
 
Sam sighed softly, “Thanks for that.”sam muttered offering a small smile, looking happy at the idea of dean talking to him. It’d be good again. “Okay...sidelines it is then....and consider offering him dating advice. He offers me enough, maybe I’ll pay him back with dating advice.”Sam muttered to himself mostly before frowning. “Damn. We’ll have to head there next. Soon. Can’t leave it open.”And not just because it was home, but because there was dangerous things in there. “...if angelic let you get in, lucifer’s still a angel, fallen or no.”Sam winced a little at that, mentally already planning what they’d have to do.

“....Oh.”cas frowned a little, looking vaguely confused at the idea of that. “Vicious cycle there...”Sam muttered shifting, brushing a shoulder against dean’s, offering silent support and thinking about how to help. “....I think we should go home. Crowley tells me we need to redo the wards, and having a project to focus on would help the withdrawals....”sam said struggling to remember what he’d read about addictions. “And reading those damned books Cas tells me the bunker has, will be good for us to. Not to mention dmitri’s book.....I think we both need time to recover, Dean.”Bailey muttered.
 
"no problem." Crowley said with a small smile before smirking. "Bailey might clock you one." he warned with a chuckle. "i've laid a few protections but they won't last long." Crowley admitted. "but yes, i would suggest moving on as soon as you can."he admitted before watching Dean, hating how frightened and miserable he looked. "...y...yeah...." Dean mumbled. "Bailey says i have to quit and she's more stubborn than me so i guess i'm quitting." he mumbled. "i...i need... the help..." Dean whispered. "i don't have the strength... on my own... anymore." he whispered, trembling and near tears under the weight of the support when he had been expecting judgment and accusations. "we.. we need to..." Dean shook his head. "we... yeah. we need to go back to the bunker..." he agreed finally. he was tired. so tired. the drugs where wearing off. he was coming down and all he wanted was to crack a beer. "...you have to dump it." he whispered. "all of it... every drop...." he mumbled.
 
“....well. She might. Might even give me and Dee something to bond over. I have a feeling she’s hit him before to.”Sam snorted a little before sighing. “Thanks, Crowley. And we will.”he said already making plans. “You do need to quit. If Cas has been healing you, you’ve probably hurt yourself more then you were aware of.”bailey muttered leaning into him a little. “Then we’ll support you, and give you the strength....and you are not allowed teasing us about sounding like self-help books, okay?”Sam warned teasing him a little, just a bit, to shift things onto a lighter note, knowing dean was overwhelmed at the moment. “After we go to bobby’s.”Bailey reminded him, tilting her head. Wondering if getting Justice’s things would help or hurt, but knowing he’d feel bad if they simply didn’t go get it either. “okay. After bobby’s.”Sam muttered before nodding .”We’ll dump it. The pills?” “Already got them. I’ll toss them if you get the alcohol.”Bailey said looking up at sam as the man stood. “I will. You two should get some sleep. We’ll head out in the morning if that’s okay with Dmitri.”Sam said looking vaguely worried about uprooting his mate so soon as he headed for the kitchen to dump the alcohol.
 
"might indeed." Crowley agreed with a smile. "i'm sure she's put him on his ass a few times." he agreed, sounding a bit strained. it was getting harder to stay there. he'd have to leave soon. "not hurt that bad.." Dean protested, because he always did. "okay...." Dean whispered, too grateful to tease them for now. too tired, too hurting, too desperate for something. alcohol, sex, Adderoll, pain. something, anything. "yeah. yeah we have to get the things." Dean mumbled, settling himself onto the couch because he was too tired to move. it was Crowley who carefully took off Dean's shoes and too tight pants, leaving him in a pair of boxers for sleeping in. Crowley who carefully peeled off the jacket and gently rolled up the sleeves of the shirt, examining the bandages on underneath and wincing. "he wasn't doing this in hell, but i never noticed either. some of these scars are very old..." he admitted softly. "he's been cutting for several years. we... you, are all going to have to watch him very, very carefully. with alcohol and drug withdrawals, he may try to turn to cutting to make himself feel better."
 
“....You need to go soon.”Cas muttered looking at teh demon worriedly. “Yea, we do. We’ll get them.”Bailey promised gently stroking dean’s hair a little as crowley helped her get dean settled and resting. Wincing a little as she looked at his arms, looking up at the demon. “We will. I....I screwed up and let him go once, I wont let it happen again.”She said sadly, pained that she’d cost tehm both so much. Smiling slightly as she watched sam and cas head to bed, looking up at crowley. “We’ll look after him.”She muttered needing to, “You better go. Catch up with us later. I’m sure you can find us.”she said before climbing onto the couch with dean, nudging him around just enough so she could lay in front of him, weapons laying on the floor, laying there in front of him, prepared to be the strong one, the one to fight. Putting herself between him and whatever could come at him. Knowing that it was going to he hard, but tehy could do this.Settling in to sleep while she could
 
"i'll be alright for a few minutes longer." he assure Cas. "you're presence here is shielding me from some of it." he promised. "you did not screw up child." Crowley assured her. "had you not left, John Winchester would have killed you. he tried already did he not? the very night he took you away? the very night he found the strength to flee his father?" Crowley asked her. "you left in fear of your life and had you gone back, then Dean really would have had nothing to live for." he admitted before smiling at her. "you, are always the brightness in his eyes. knowing you escaped, knowing you lived, that kept him going for a very long time." he admitted softly before carefully laying the salt lines back in place as he left. Dean was out for the count for the rest of the night, dead to everything and even in the morning, when Dmitri was the first person up and packing everything he could, even when he started fussing around in the kitchen making them all breakfast. even when Sam and Cas and Bailey joined him he slept on, waking only when he was woken. "...thirsty... 's there any beer?" Dean asked reflexively, desperate, so very desperate for it. "No. but we have coffee." Dmitri admitted, walking over with the cup in his hands. "i have some people coming tomorrow to pack up all my things. Bruce is going to be handling it so we can get going as soon as your up and running." Dmitri promised Dean.
 
"Kay."cas frowned a little as he considered the demon, tilting his head as he looked at bailey before leaving.bailey frowned a little at crowley, before noddinf."he did. Tried kilong us both I think."she muttered smiling sadly at the idea that John had neatly killed them both."coffee is good. Thanks dmitri."bailey smiled taking a glass for herself as she handed dean his."so, did you want to ride with me or sammie today?"she asked, not even really aware she was stroking his hair watching him wake up.
 
"You're welcome." Dmitri said happily as he hopped away to get Dean some food, which was refused. "you." Dean mumbled, pressing his face into her shoulder because he was somewhat worried she'd be mad at him for it. with him coming down, he was convinced they where all going to hate him.his paranoia at an all time high but that was just because of the withdrawals. "i'm riding with Sam of course." Dmitri admitted with a grin, looking at Cas. "who are you riding with?"
 
Bailey smiled a little as he pressed close to her, dipping her head to press a kiss to his forehead, closing her eyes for a moment. “Kay. We’ll get going then.”She smiled, worried about him, but trying to be calm. “Neither. I have a few things that I need to check on while you guys are traveling. I will catch up this evening.”Cas promised, moving over to dean, crouching down to meet his eyes, “I’ll see you later okay? This evening, promise.”Cas said wanting the other to know he wasn’t abandoning him, simply needing to take care of business. “I’ll see if I can find out what Michael is up to while you guys are safely traveling.”he said before disappearing. “....It’s still weird to see him do that.”Bailey muttered smiling a little, nudging dean. “You ready to go?”
 
"kay." he mumbled before tensing a little when Cas said he wasn't going with them. was he leaving?! had he finally crossed the line Cas wouldn't follow? was he ever going to come back!? he blinked at Cas when he knelt down and he swallowed thickly and nodded. not sure how much he believed the other but content to accept it for now. "Yeah. it is a bit weird." Dean mumbled. "are you sure i can't have a beer? just one?" "no." Dmitri said firmly. "your going cold turkey." Dmitri informed him. "i know this is going to suck balls Dean but it's the best way." he admitted before looking at her. "he's probobly going to binge on food later, don't try to stop him until he starts eating enough to get sick. he's going to have a nasty case of insomnia as well." he admitted with a sigh. "this is going to be hard, for everyone but i did a lot of research into it and i'm sure Sam did too, so we should be okay."
 
“I promise. I’ll come back. I just want to make sure the angels aren’t causing more problems now that I haven’t seen any of them for a few days.”Cas promised smiling at the other. “It is.”Bailey said before sighing. “No pills, no beer, no cutting. But if you’re good, I might stop for pie.”Bailey said smiling sightly as she nudged him a little. Looking up at dmitri she nodded a little. “Okay. “She sighed a little, looking worried about doing this, being enough for dean, but she was going to do it, making a mental note to read what the boys found later.“ If we stop, keep going. We’ll catch up if we get behind, despite spending alot of time on the road, since we’re not in a rush, I’ll probably stop walk around for awhile, get real food instead of fast food..”Bailey said looking at dean sighing softly as she considered him. Planning on stopping mostly so he could get a change of scenery, get out of his head for a bit if they had to. “Do you need anything here in town before we leave?”She asked, slipping on her boots.

Meanwhile, cas growled as he stood in teh middle of the backwoods crossroads, that typical dirt road that you could always find a crossroads demon in. Snarling softly, “Crowley!I need to talk to you.”
 
"okay." Dean mumbled, relaxing at the promise that Cas was giong to be back. he was too miserable, too freaked out to care about how he looked at the moment. "Pie..." Dean agreed, watching her intently as if he thought there might be a catch before deciding anything was worth pie. "we'll stop with you. like you said, we're not in a rush." Dmitri promised. "we'll stay shortly ahead of you, so you and Dean can have some privacy but i don't think it's safe for you and Dean to be alone right now. not when big bad angel man might get Dean to say yes in this state." Dmitri had wheedled a lot of information out of Cas and Sam it seamed. "if dean needs to stop though, stop." Dmitri suggested. "he's going to be very anxious and jittery so stopping every few hours, or even every hour if you have yo, wouldn't be a bad idea." he admitted. "i don't. i called Bruce and he got everything i needed. i'm all packed with verything i need too. everything else is going to Bruce's place." Dmitri admitted.

Crowley appeared,looking amused. "summoning? really? who even summons in this day and ag, you could have just called." he stated simply, slipping a cigarette into his mouth. "what's up?"
 
“Yea, lots of pie.”Bailey smiled. “IF you’re good.” “it’s the season or fresh cherry and blackberries to.”Sam said looking amused. “True. And...yea. Probably not.”Bailey winced at that idea, growling softly at the idea of michael getting to dean, using this against him. “We will. We’ll stop, find something interesting. I mean, there’s plenty to see between here and South Dakota.”Bailey said looking relieved at the idea before nodding, “Let’s go then.”Sam said as he gathered their suitcases, heading for the car. “Come on dean.”Bailey muttered helping him get dressed and ready to go, heading downstairs with him. Smirking as she settled him into the passenger seat before shutting the door, pausing to lean against it as she drew on her hand. Well aware it’d take him awhile to discover the words she’d scrawled on her hand. ‘finally. As things were meant to be, me driving and you riding shotgun.”Settling into the car with a happy sigh as she followed sam out of the parking lot.

Cas looked decidely unamused as he looked at the demon, “Apparently, I do, when I want to talk to you.”he said looking annoyed, “Bailey’s pregnant.”
 
"yeah. super amounts of pie." Dean mumbled, though he wasn't hungry yet. "i like blackberry pie." Dean admitted before looking at them. "i'm not gonna say yes." but he would if Micheal came when all Dean knew was the desperate need for a drink, for a pill, so desperate he'd kill for it, so desperate he'd die for it, so desperate he'd agree, he'd say yes and he'd be too desperate to care what would happen next. "i Can walk." Dean protested, though that was a lie, he was shaking rather violently. he had been a good twenty four hours without a drink or a pill and the withdrawals where really starting in, settling into the passenger seat was a relief and he simply sat there, staring at nothing for the first half of the drie before shifting to pick at the itching cuts on his arms, looking startled by the words. "....you're a dick." he informed her, twitching nd scratching at his arms as he looked around. "how long have we even driving... can we stop and get a beer?" he asked, looking at the bar that was coming up, grumbling when they drove right past it.

"...i do have a cell phone you know. i'm pretty sure i' in your contacts list. and if not, i'm certainly in Dean's." he pointed out before stilling and staring at him. "are you serious?" he asked, looking stunned. "oh shit. i'm assuming Dean doesn't know which is why your freaking out... does Bailey know?"
 
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