Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Elf Struck(moon/lady)

"No. She hurt him, but she'd reacted about how who'd expect her to react around stage men."sam said making a face. "I know...it's okay.we'll figure it out."Ben said sounding to tired and grieving to care at the moment. "H-hey."she muttered stuttering a little and relaxing when she saw it was just him. Indeed looking sick, tired and pining, hurting because she hadn't known what had happened, or to do. It had messed with her badly. Shrugging a little as she edged closer to him."I'm okay...sam...said..."she trailed off looking at him worried, tugging him towards the bed when she realized how sick he looked."I'm sorry...you need rest. Lay down."she ordered quietly.
 
"as long s he didn't touch her." Dean muttered. rather glad she had defended herself. he hadn't been sure that she would have after her attack. "Yeah... Lisa died." he whispered softly. "i'm sorry. i. i shouldn't have left you... i can't seam to do anything right..." he admitted softly. "yeah. okay..." he mumbled, collapsing onto the bed and was asleep. having been running on the last dregs of his energy he didn't even have time to shift the blankets before he was dead to the world.
 
“He didn’t.”Sam promised. “....I know. I’m sorry.”Moprrigan said watching him, flinching at his words, even if she was still upset about it, she didn’t want to make it worse. “It’s okay. Really, dean.”She muttered sitting on teh bed gently stroking his hair as he slept, before settling in to sleep next to him.

The a day later,Cas sighed tiredly, because even if he could go without sleeping, the angel had gotten used to actual sleep, and he’d been going on nearly nothing for days now. And he looked exhausted. But he was okay, he’d slept cuddled up to luca, letting the man look after him when he went to sleep. Having rested, but it wasn’t a good rest. “Dean?”Cas smiled slightly, sadly as he shifted the urn in the crook of his arm ,having gone to retrieve Lisa’s ashes while sam got everyone up and moving now that dean had finally woken up and slept enough that he was functioning. “Hey Cas.”Morrigan muttered finishing her breakfast, sitting between dean and the wall at the table, sitting as far away from everyone else as she could without being in a different room. “Morning.”Sam said looking at the angel in slight worry, looking exhausted himself, running on the last fumes. He’d get through today, then get some sleep. He would do it, even if it killed him.
 
Dean had slept for twenty four hours, dead to the world, woke up long enough to pee and drink the water... someone, forced into him and slept again until morning. even now he looked dopey and sluggish and seamed very jealous of the fact that Ben was still safely ensconced in blankets and sleep. "hey.... is that... is that her?" he asked, reaching for the ashes, swallowing thickly. "i'll have to take Ben to the lake." he admitted, sitting the ashes on the table, gentle and careful as if worried he might hurt Lisa in such a fragile form. "Morning Sam." Dean said, looking at his brother. "you look like shit. go back to sleep." he ordered. "we won't be doing anything until Ben gets up and he was always a lazy little bugger." this was said with supreme affection. "he'll sleep till dinner if we let him. go get some more sleep." he ordered Sam again.
 
Cas nodded a little, looking vaguely, tiredly amused at the sight of a jealous dean that he wasn’t still in bed. Gently handing them to dean, vaguely amused that he was being so gentle with it, when he was rarely gentle with anything “Yea. It is. And we’re going with you. We didn’t know her well, but you two need someone.”If no one else, the angel knew him and Morrigan were going with them. Sam rubbed a hand over his face, before glaring sleepily at his brother. “No, it’s okay. We’re going to the lake. I’ll sleep after.”He said stubbornly. “Sam. Get some sleep, you don’t ahve to go.”Morrigan said frowning at the man, looking upset at how exhausted he was, because she knew it was mostly her fault. “I’m awake.”Ben said frowning a little as he shuffled into the room, stomach growling, but not overly happy about being awake either.
 
"i'd like for you to be there." Dean admitted with a smile. "it's going to hurt, so much... it's all my fault she died. she could have moved on. she could have been happy and now she'll never have that because i was a fuck up." he admitted softly, shaking his head. "Sam don't be stubborn. that's my schtick." he pointed out before blinking at Ben and offered him a faint, hesitant smile. "hey. we should get some food. Sam. cook food." Dean ordered his brother, making Lyra snort, unseen in the corner and moved to start making food for everyone. she didn't trust the brothers to know how to prepare a proper meal and there was no way in hell Luca was cooking. Luca, was thankfully, finally up after his injuries and was flitting around her like always, trying to add things. "Dammit Luca we are not putting crystallized Ginger in the pancakes! sit down before i stab you again!" she ordered, making Luca sulk, but obey.
 
Morrigan smiled sadly, nodding a little. “Then we’ll be there.”She promised swallowing hard, because she had no idea how to make him feel better, leaning into him a little. “You’re not a fuckup. We just can’t save everyone. It sucks that it was Lisa, but...”She trailed off, because she knew it wouldn’t make him feel better, and it just made her feel guilty because she knew Lisa had been hurt because she was in his life. “I’m more stubborn then you.Always have been.”Except when it came to sam’s life being in danger, the man was a stubborn bastard about that. “hey.”Ben said as he sat down, offering just as a hesitant smile.“Okay.”Sam said smirking a little that dean had ordered him to cook after ordering him to bed. “...I think we need to take Luca off cooking duty.”Morrigan said smiling slightly before flinching when she saw ben watching her, slumping a little as she ate when food was set in front of her, going quiet and introspective as she ate, simply going quiet. When they were done, Cas sighed softly as he got up, running his fingers through his hair, glancing at Dean. “What lake are we going to?”
 
"i am a fuckup. my father always said i was. 'can't do anything right can you boy'? he was right." Same didn't know that and Dean was too miserable, sick with alcohol withdrawal symptoms to remember to sensor himself. "Have not. you're a little pussy Sam." Dean said with a scoff. "did you sleep okay?" Dean asked Ben, wanting to make sure he was the best he could be for the other. maybe not a father figure after all of this, but at least someone Ben could depend on for help if nothing else. "Luca cooks for himself." Lyra admitted even as she sprinkled some candied ginger onto one of the pancakes for her brother, making him perk up in delight. "Morrigan? are you okay?" Dean asked, worried about her. worried about Ben. worried about Cas. just worried about everyone.
 
“....You can do things right.”Morrigan said looking upset. “You’re more right then dad was most of the time. You would have left me at college if you could have. Or if I would have let you.”Sam said watching his brother, because he knew that once he’d helped dean, had left on that first case, as much as he pretended sometimes, there had been no going back. “Am not.”Sam huffed a little. “Yea...it was okay.”Ben said he had slept okay, even if it hadn’t been truly restful. “Good. He shouldn’t cook for anyone else.”Morrigan teased a little looking amused as she looked at luca, before shrugging a little as she looked over at Dean, “I’m fine. Really.”Not really, but she was doing okay, she was making through things one minute at a time, even if the guilt for dean and ben’s heartache was crippling her, and making the trauma of her rape even worse, since it was all tangled up with lisa’s death now. “...I’m more worried about you, then myself.”She muttered looking up at him, tilting her head a little as she finished her pancakes, sighing quietly.
 
"....thanks." Dean mumbled, feeling sort of a little bit better, kind of. he sighed a little and shook his head. "i know. i actually sent three months looking alone before i finally asked you for help. you where always smarter than me." Dean admitted, smiling at Sam. "are too." he said before offering Ben a cup of coffee. Lisa had always huffed and grumbled, but had never stopped Dean frm offering Ben Coffee, or Ben from drinking it if he wanted to. "well, if you insist very firmly that he not add anything weird, he will listen." she admitted with a smile. "and then he's not so bad." she admitted, handing out some more pancakes, handing Ben his favorite. Luca had told her. "i'll be okay, i think. i just...." he shook his head. "anyway, we're going to Lake Manitoc... in Wisconsin... can you go that far with so many of us?" he asked Cas.
 
“You’re welcome.”Morrigan smiled at him slightly. “I didn’t know that.”Sam frowned a little at the idea of his brother having been alone that long, even if he knew for most of the time he’d been at college, dean had hunted on his own, even before John had gone missing, but it still upset him to know dean hadn’t had anyone backing him up. “Thanks.”Ben smiled gratefully as he took teh coffee, sighing softly as he sipped it as he ate. “...Good to know.”Morrigan said tilting her head a little, relaxing a little, calming because the people around her was calm. Ben smiled at the pancakes taking them with a sad little smile, because his mom had always made them for him when he was upset. “Thanks.”He muttered as he ate. “I know.”Morrigan muttered leaning into him, pressing a kiss to Dean’s cheek before looking at cas. “...I will have to make a few trips. I will take you and ben, morrigan and sam, then the twins. It will be okay.”Cas said after thinking about it for a moment. He probably could have done them all, but he didn’t want to risk hurting any of them. "Shall we go?"Cas said standing.
 
"well... i didn't want to drag you into it when i hated it so much." he admitted. "but... i didn't know how to do anything else so...." he shook his head. "so i just kept doing it." he admitted before smiling at Ben. glad the other was drinking some Coffee. Dean smiled at Morrigan, looking better when she kissed his cheek and he nibbled on his Pancakes. "not safe. me first, then Ben and Morrigan. i'll have Cain check the perimeter while your getting the others." he promised. "we don't want that bastard to sneak up on us." he admitted. "....yeah." he agreed, standing up, hardly touched his pancakes but his stomach was rolling. he didn't want to eat when he knew it was just going to puke it up later.
 
“I know. I’ve always known you didn’t.”Sam said offering him a small smile, because even when he raged about it, he’d known dean would have let him walk away. If he could have convinced himself he could. “Okay.”Cas nodded a little looking determined and ready to help the other any way he needed it, before reaching out and touching his shoulder. Transporting them to the lake, he looked around them with a small smile. “It’s beautiful here.”He muttered pausing to sense things. “I do not sense anything here. But I will wait a few minutes before bringing the others.”He said before leaving again, trusting cain to look after himself for a few minutes.

“Dean?”Ben said walking closer to the man when everyone was there, holding the urn, looking lost and so much younger then 16. Trembling a little, as he looked at the lake. “Mom loved it here....”He muttered. Morrigan bit her lip a little, watching them, wishing she could do more. Wrapping her arms around herself as she watched them, hating she couldn’t do more. “They’ll be okay. We’ll make sure they are.”Sam muttered gently touching her elbow after making sure she knew he was there, “Go join them.”He muttered, knowing she wouldn’t do it on her own. Sensing she was so very messed up still. Worried about if this would break dean and her apart. Morrigan sighed quietly, nodding a litle as she moved towards dean and ben, watching and waiting to see how they needed her.
 
Dean blinked at Sam, surprised but he nodded. he had never known that Sam knew. he turned to look at Cas and nodded. "yeah it is." he agreed softly before waiting, senses spread out. he turned to look at Ben and smiled at him, wrapping an arm around Ben's shoulders. he had to be strong, for Ben. had to be the adult. "yeah she did... you know, i don't know if you remember but this was where we first met. you where super tiny and cute back then." he admitted. "and obedient and quiet too. never any backchat from you." he teased with a tiny, fragile smile. "i think i fell in love with you, a little bit that very week... not in the creepy way of course, but... i knew, even back then that i couldn't have any children, so..." he shrugged. he turned to look at Morrigan and took her hand, needing the comfort. "i think your mom would prefer it if you did it." he admitted to Ben. "if your okay with that? you knew where she liked it the best here." he admitted, he knew she loved the lake but he didn't know where her favorite spot was, and a little... or a long, walk would do both him and Ben worlds of good.
 
"Really?I don't remember that."Ben smiled up at the man before making a face at him, "well you hung around. Back chat and disobedience was bound to follow."Ben said giving him a equally fragile smile before looking at morrigan, but not protesting her joining them. Morrigan smiled quietly squeezing dean's hand, watching the lake."it's beautiful."she muttered. "Yes...I can do that."Ben said, it was the last thing he'd do for his mom, pausing to look around, figuring out where they were."threshold a small creek that joins in here...she loved the small rapids it made when it reached the lake. It's a bit of a hike though." "Go...you two will be okay, and we'll be here whenever your ready to come back."Morrigan promised wanting to go with them, but knowing that the two men who loved lisa best should do it, even if she knew cas would follow and make sure they were okay.
 
"No. you where pretty young." he admitted. "there was a ghost haunting your grandfather and it wanted to kill you and your mom." he admitted. "you where so traumatized by the things you saw, that you didn't speak. you just played with your army men and drew pictures of the things you saw." he amitted. "i guess i just... empathized with you." he admitted, smiling at Ben. "the walk will be pretty good for us." he agreed with Ben, hesitating at Morrigan's reassurance before nodding to her. not wanting to leave but even he had to admit that it was probobly best that she wasn't there while Ben scattered the ashes. "Cas. make sure she stays safe." Dean ordered, studying his best friend and his mate before glancing at his brother, just checking to make sure they where okay before he followed Ben and smiled as he crouched next tot he creek once they got there, running his fingers through the water, letting the sound of running water soothe him.
 
“...Oh.”Ben said thinking over that, smiling slightly, before nodding. “you do that well. Even when you think you don’t. Empathize.”He said tilting his head a little. “Yea, it will be.”he agreed. “I promise. We’ll be okay.”Morrigan muttered squeezing his arm as she stepped away. “Of course.”CAs said looking vaguely insulted that the other would think he wouldn’t, even if he wanted to follow the other two. Amused slightly as he watched Sam follow after dean and ben from a distance, tagging along just to be backup, but staying back far enough that even if dean knew he was there, that it was still private. Ben sniffled a little as he watched the water run over the rocks, crouching down next to Dean, sighing softly as he undid the lid of the urn, tipping it slowly, watching the ashes disappear into the lake, shivering a little. “.....I don’t know what to do without her, Dean.”He muttered as he watched the last of the ashes disappear into the white water.
 
"Really? i hadn't noticed." Dean admitted, looking a bit surprised at the idea that he was someone who could actually understand other people. he was a bitter old drunk anyway and emotions confused him. there was no way he was very good at empathizing. he smiled at Cas's insulted look because he knew Cas might have followed him and left Sam, Luca and Lyra to protect Morrigan. "I know Ben..." he admitted. "But i'll tell you one of your options if you like." he offered. "you get up, you yank your pants on, you plaster that god awful fake smile on your face and you look foreword to life. not because it doesn't hurt, but because she'd want you to be happy." he admitted. "you get up. you fight back, you learn good things and you start planning for a future." he admitted. "i now she has a pretty impressive collage fund for you, and we're not going to touch it until you go off to collage and yes. you ARE going to collage, if you can." he informed Ben. "Collage was the best thing that ever happened to Sam and i want you to have a life worth living. having a good, fancy law degree, that'll give you a lot of options." he admitted. "she'd want you to have a life... so i'll do every thing in my power to make sure you have a good one."
 
Bokay..."Ben frowned a little looking at the man, before a startled bark of a laugh escap3d. It amused him to hear dean describe his choice that way."same goes for you. You get up, pull on some pants....though your girlfriend might like you better naked....and we go on. Because shed want you to."Ben offered a small smile."even if she didn't remember you till the attack...you know she'd just want you to try, to be happy. That's all she ever wanted."Ben said studying his, grief tightening his chest, but he was trying. Nodding a little."she did....you have control of it till I'm 18 anyways....so. I'll talk to sam, see what I have to do about college...and we'll start by living a day by day....that's what sam said helped. Not planning to far ahead...just getting through today."Ben sighed softly, shivering a little. Muttering a goodbye to lisa before looking at dean."we...better head back, before your angel twitches out of his skin.be snickered quietly, sadly. His mother would have loved cas, even the brief moments ben known him, he knew cas was the kind of angel that was supposed to exist, not like Michael and lucifer. He was a good guy.
 
Dean chuckled a little. "Kid, for the next two weeks or so, i'm going to be shaking too badly to even piss on my own, let alone get dressed." he admitted. "and she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. we barely know each other. i like her a lot. love her even but... i feel like i'm cheating on your mom, and i feel like i'm cheating on her for loving your mom and it's a hell of a mess up here." Dean admitted, tapping his own head. "maybe when the rest of the alcohol flushes out, and i stop having withdrawals things will start making sense again..." he admitted with a sigh before he smiled. "your mom was always too forgiving of me." he admitted with a sigh before he smiled at Ben. "don't think that i'm going to control your life Ben. i know better than that. you're sixteen. you're old enough to be able to make decisions about your own life. when we get back and settled in more, and when we're not so sad and hurting, we'll have to discuss some things. like your schooling, where we're going to live, whether you get to help us hunt and other such things... part of me wants to ground you until your thirty and never let you near the life that Sam and me live but you'd just follow us, even if you didn't want anything to do wth it just because i told you no." he admitted with a chuckle before he paused. "although, i might be projecting..." he admitted before he gently took the last handful of ashes and sprinkled it around the 'sitting stone' he had seen Lisa sitting on once. "there Lisa.... now nothing evil can touch your stone." he murmered, setting his hand on it. "the ashes of the dead, when placed in a circle, purify that area of evil things such as ghosts and Demons." he explained. "people who are good will be drawn to the stone." he admitted. "i'll come back later, when it's more safe, and make a sign saying it's Lisa's Stone... so she'll always be remembered in some way."
 
"Well, you deserve some down time. Even ifwithdrawl sucks, you need rest."Ben said, because worrying about dean, who was the only thing in his life at the moment that was relatively normal, was second nature. Frowning a little at dean before shrugging, not offering any advice on his love life, cause while he wanted to be angry at dean for seeing someone else, he couldnt, not really. Not knowing what had happened, or how much Morrigan was relying on dean to help her. Though..."so. Does that mean you're feelingstuck, or forced to be with her?"he asked sounding worried at the idea."...yea. maybe. Though it might have only seemed to make sense before cause you were soaked in alcohol."he pointed out gently, before snorting."she was to forgiving with alot of people."he agreed."okay...life decisions set aside for later....and yea, I want to help, but also....well I saw mom acting like she had been when lucifer....it was enough to make mewant to not hunt....and yea you probably are projecting. Im betting you ran awat to hunt right?"he teased a little.Ben sighed making a face raising a eyebrow as he watched dean sprinkle the ashes on the rock."ahhh...that's good. Mom'd like that....and we'll make a sign or something. It'll be good there."he muttered turning to head back to the trail, looking forward to the long hike, not quite ready to see the others yet
 
he nodded. "i guess... i hate being stuck in bed though." he admitted with a sgh. "I...." he paused and then. "No. the whole mated bonding soul thing... i've been in a lot weirder situations... im more terrified that she feels trapped, stuck..." he shuddered. "the last thing i want to do is trap her the way my father trapped me." he admitted before sighing and shaking his head. "no. i was forced to be the perfect hunter. Dad used to whip me with his belt if i wasn't on guard one hundred percent all the time and ready to hunt. i was too... broken, to fight back, though i didn't know it. He made me into a perfect soldier. no it was Sam who rebelled. the more Dad forced him to hunt, the more Sam dug his heals in until he was sixteen and just... left. went to school, got to go to collage. met the woman of his dreams and then i went and ruined it all. i didn't know any better then. all i knew was hunting and i could't do it on my own and i couldn't find my father so i got Sam involved because i didn't know how to do anything for myself." he admitted. "i rebelled when i met your mo again. Hunting was everything i ever knew and i dropped it because she was better than anything i had ever had before in my entire life." he admitted with a smile before patting the stone. "shes always going to be in my heart... always." he admitted before turning and following Ben, back to where the others where.
 
Bwell, if you're really good, sam might let you out of bed to get a sponge bath."Ben snickered. Because while, while most father and sons might have been awkward 2ith the whole sex thing, Benhad spent to much time around dean to be really odd about it. He'd known his mom was sleeping with him, and while he might not want to know about it, he wasn't above teasing them either. They'd always tried to be open about things."ah....I don't know her well, but it seems if she was feeling stuck, you would have probably heard about it by now. More fighting if nothing else."Ben said thoughtfully before wincing at that. Shuddering at the idea of what dean's childhood had to have been like.b...from what you said, sams life was going to implode no matter what happened. The fact you were there for him, made sure he got out of it alive."he said wanting dean to feel better, evenjoy if he knew he couldnt. "I know. She's always gonna be with us."Ben smiled a little.

By the time they got back to the others, the sun had started to set, and indeed cas looked ready to twitch out of his skin even if he was still standing guard over the spaced out Morrigan who was watching the lake, a reading sam, and the dozing twins. It seemed once they realized dean and ben were going to be awhile, they'd all settled into peaceful activities. The history book propped on Saks knees though, said maybe he hadn't lost all hope of going to school just yet.
 
"Sponge bath!" Dean protested. "i'm not that helpless!" though the haking was goung to get worse so it might come down to that. "well... okay i'll give you that one but after she was raped so violently i'm terrified i'm going to hurt her." he admitted with a cringe. "it's bad enough what Cain did to her, now Micheal and Lucifer hurt her too and i'm pretty sure she's blaming herself for Lisa dying even if she was no more than a victim herself." he sighed a little. "i'm just..." he shook his head. "i shouldn't She really be talking to you about this." he admitted before he smiled. "yeah... poor Sam. if it wasn't for tht bastard Sam's life would have been perfectly fine." he admitted. "...you know.. my dad made me promise to kill him." he admitted. "if he ever lost control... i never could do it..." he snorted. "and then i'm the one who ends up a demon... it's pretty cracked." he admitted before he smiled. "yeah. Lisa... she'll probobly be watching us right now, yelling at me for saying filthy things in front of you." he admitted.

"...Sam's probobly studying. i think he wants to go back to collage. i hope, someday, he can... actually speaking of." he gave Ben a very stern look. "don't think i don't know about that F." he warned. "that's going to have to come up. i'll get Sam to tutor you. he's smart, i think he coud help." he admitted. "...i can't help. i dropped out of school when i was thirteen. Dad insisted. Sam refused." he admitted wth a chuckle. "i wasn't ever very good at school anyway." he admitted, heading over to Morrigan, concerned about the glassy eyes and gently set his hands on her shoulders. "Morrigan?"
 
"I dunno. You might enjoy it."he snickered before sighing. Thinking that over before wincing a little."well. You don't want to. Hurt her I mean. Which is better then what the other two wanted....and you did say cain felt badly for it...you'll be fine."he said before snorting."probably not, but it's distracting me from grief, and well, you really don't have anyone else to talk to. Which is just sad for you."Ben teased a little."...good thing to. It would have killed you to kI'll sam."he said before nodding."she probably is.be agreed.

"Hopefully he can."Ben said before wincing hanging his head a little."it's trigonometry, no one is supposed to pass it!"Ben whined before sighing, knowing sam would be a good tutor from everything dean had ever said about him. Flinched as Morrigan screamed as dean's hands landed on her shoulders."dean, d-"sam said looking up from his book even as Morrigan scrambled away from his touch, twisting to look at him, hand lashing out, claws scrapping down his cheek as she slapped him. Wincing a little sam moved closer, getting ready to intervene."morrigan!it's dean."he said. "N-no, no its not."Morrigan growled backing away, actually stepping away from him in her need to move away, only seeing cain...michael...lucifer, wanting to harm her. Having been startled back into a nightmare ay his touch. Sam flinched glancing at dean, hating hewas going to have to tell dean. Dean hadn't seen her in the midst of a flashback yet, didn't know they all knew ca in had raped her....it'd been something sam had hoped to never have to tell him he knew about
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom