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Daddy why is mommy...

Because she's a vampire and her last feeding didn't go quite as planned.

Daddy, why is mommy chained to a big hook in the butcher's freezer?
 
She saw SAW too many times and decided to act the part.

Daddy, why is Mommy laughing at that frat boy who threw up in a moldy jack o' lantern and then smashed it against his head because he was super drunk and thought it was a beer can and immediately regretted every life decision he ever made?
 
Because it makes her remember the night we made you by accident.

Daddy, why is Mommy taking a bag of lemons to her bestie's house?
 
You see dear, some things need to be cleaned, and other things need to be polished.

Daddy, why does Mommy keep the drawers next to her bed locked?
 
In case she forgets what she looks like.

Daddy, why did Mommy tell me to ask you how to make a cream pie when she does all the cooking?
 
Mommy and Daddy have a long tradition of making those together.

Daddy, why is Mommy sitting funny today?
 
Terrible nightmares honey. Just... just ignore them and go beak to sleep.

Daddy, why is mommy like that under you and the blankets?
 
She's scared of the sausage monster.

Daddy, why do we buy so much baby oil? We don't even have a baby.
 
In case she needs to walk the dog in the middle of the night.

Daddy, why was one of brother's socks so stiff before I washed it?
 
His after school practice was very rigorous.

Daddy, why do you always touch Mommy's bottom when you hug her?
 
Because Daddy likes Mommy's bottom and wants to give it a hug too.

Daddy? Why does Mommy have a buzzing Lightsaber? It doesn't even make the right noise.
 
It's a sonic screwdriver dear, not a lightsaber.

Daddy, why do you and Mommy take such long showers at the same time.
 
Because I like to horse play, sweetie.

Daddy, why does mommy call Suzie her scissor sister? They don't even sew.
 
She must have lay on a rumpled sheet.

Daddy, why does Mommy have a tattoo that says SPIKE on her back?
 
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