The Change of Heart(Avengers)Moon/Lady

Farian smiled softly as she watched them, “I am resting. I’m just watching you work.”She said smiling at him, sighing softly as he started to panic, shaking her head. “It’s safe. And they’re not. Jarvis, not to mention James and Steve are with them. James said something about needing time with them. I think he’s starting to feel the need for bonding. Or relationship things....he’s being weird again. It’s odd.”Farian said, well at least her memories were beginning to return. She understood that james being wordy and weird about things, meant he was upset about something he wasn’t ready to talk about, but it was enough of a problem to make him weird about it. “You’re not stupid tony, you’re just upset about things.”She said gently tugging him closer. “Relax tony.”
 
he blinked a little at her. "oh. isn't that boring?" he asked, looking confused. "well, if Jarvis and James are with them then nothing can possibly happen." he agreed with a nod. "James has never had a lot of personal connections. Steve was the only person he was ever close to for most of his life." Tony admitted. "even his own parents where mostly distant from him. emotional connections where hard for him even before he was brainwashed, they're even harder for him now. the twins are opening up parts of his heart he previously had closed." Tony admitted with a smile. "a lot like me actually." he admitted. "no. i'm stupid. everyone always said so." Tony admitted with a smile. "but that's okay. you love me even though i'm dumb about things." he admitted, kissing her gently and relaxing in her arms, simply enjoying the comfort. "when you 'died' i thought i would never be happy again." he admitted. "i'm so glad you came back." he whispered.
 
"No it isn’t. You look so intense about things when you work.”She smiled a little before nodding. “They both are. They’re fine.”She promised before frowning a little. “Ah, I see. So whatever emotional bonding thing he’s having issues with, it’s steve somehow. Huh. Ten bucks say steve sucks his cock, then demands answers.”She snickered a little amused hugging him tighter. “No, you’re not. And I do love you.”She muttered nuzzling him, before sighing softly. “I’m glad I came back to.”She muttered.

“steve...can I move?”James whined a little from where he was laying, sulking at being drawn for so long, because he was anxious enough that for once, his thoughts weren’t settling, weren’t allowing him to simply be okay with laying around and letting steve draw him. Anxious enough that the emotions demanded motion, but having agreed to let steve draw him in the middle of sex had been to much like a promise to break.
 
Tony blinked a little. "intense?" he asked, looking a little startled. "i'm sure he's just having second thoughts because he thinks he doesn't deserve Steve. whatever the problem Steve probably already knows about it. they did grow up together. they're practically capable of reading each others minds." he admitted with a grin. "it's kind of creepy." he admitted smiling as he simply held her, snuggling with her. luxuriating in being with someone who loved him even though he didn't deserve it.

"not yet." Steve muttered. "i've almost got it." he promised. "a couple more minutes okay?" he asked, pencil stroking across the page. "while your laying there, maybe you wanna tell me what's wrong?" he asked, looking up at the other. "you've been acting a bit odd lately." he admitted, looking up at the other. "everything okay?"
 
“Yea. Super duper intense, like you didn’t even notice me coming in, simply kept working.”Farian smiled a little before nodding. “Probably....and it is a little creepy sometimes. I mean, I saw James go get something to drink this morning, and Steve was already handing it to him. It was creepy!”She whined a little snuggling into him before yawning. “You done freaking out over the tracker thing bruce said you’re working on? We both could use some rest.”

“Hm, kay.”James muttered closing his eyes as he relaxed before frowning, though he didn’t open his eyes to look at the other. “I’m never odd. Whatever I do is normal.”James muttered before shrugging a little, not lying and saying everything was okay, but nto feeling like talking either. Going quiet before blurting out. “You want kids.”he said sounding anxious and upset, so much so indeed, that it was amazing he'd managed to hide it as well as he had.
 
he snorted a little. "i get like that. ignoring people." he admitted. "sorry. i know i shouldn't do that. i just can't help it sometimes." he admitted softly, wondering why she wasn't mad. everyone got mad, everyone but James and Bruce and even Bruce got annoyed sometimes and James didn't count because he was still emotionally stunted from what Hydra had done to him. "i not done completely but i can leave it for a while." he agreed with a smile.

Steve smiled as he watched James. "hmm. everything you do is odd." he admitted ith a smile. "but it's okay because i'm odd right along with you." he admitted, not pressing the other to talk. "huh?" he asked, blinking at the other. "well. yes." he admitted. "is that what's been bothering you? i'm not going to just go out and pick up a kid you know. i don't think either of us is really ready for that kind of responsibility." he admitted, setting the sketchpad down and examining James. "you want a child too, someday. i know you do." he admitted, watching the other. "does that frighten you?"
 
“...I wasn’t annoyed with that. Just explaining why it was interesting watching you. You look so intense about work, and I know you’re like that with me and the twins. Makes me feel loved.”She muttered shrugging a little before nodding. “Good. Lets go then.”She said already starting to herd him towards the door.

“You are, pipsqueak.So odd.”James muttered tensing a little before giving a jerky nod, careful not to move to much since he knew the other was still drawing. “...I know. I don’t think you can just randomly go pick up a kid. It’s not like going to the store and choosing a turkey or something for dinner.”James muttered not looking at the other, and equally obviously avoiding what was really bothering him. Definitely trying to squirm out of talking about it, even if he’d been the one to say it. He so knew he shouldn’t have said anything.
 
Tony stared at her, stunned, a blush on his cheeks. "oh..." he sounded as if he couldn't quite understand what she was saying. like she'd started speaking in a foreign language and he wasn't sure if telling her would be rude or not. he let her order him up to bed and chuckled a little, snuggling with her. "i really do love you, you know." he admitted softly. "you and the Twins." he promised, smiling at her.

Steve snorted. "don't call me pipsqueak yah jerk." he ordered, though he sounded more amused than anything else. he snorted at the others comment, looking up. "really? you compared adopting a kid to buying a turkey?" he asked, looking very close to laughing before shaking his head. "you don't want to adopt because you think you'll be a bad father, right?" he asked. "or because you think i'll leave you when you admit you don't want to right now?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow at the other. "sorry. your stuck with me. i thought you where dead you know. i'm clinging to you like a limpet."
 
Farian flushed brightly as he stared at her, poking him in the shoulder. “Don’t stare at me like that! You’re making me feel awkward and weird for not getting angry with you. Like you want me to or something.”She said looking a little anxious before blushing, smiling as she settled into the bed, “You know I love you to right?Always.Even if I don’t exactly remember, I know I do.”She muttered nuzzling him a little.

“You are a pipsqueak.”He huffed a little before twitching a little. “I said it wasn’t like buying a turkey!You can’t go get one at the store, and have the option of giving it back if somethings wrong with it or something.”James said sounding so anxious you just knew that he was over thinking everything. Ignoring the order to simply lay still and getting up to walk around. “I don’t want kids.”He said in a rush, wrapping his arms around himself, so obviously close to falling apart that it hurt to watch.
 
he blinked and then shrugged. "everyone gets angry. even Bruce sometimes. and i'm sure James does, he just doesn't express it." he stated calmly. "it's... weird, not being in trouble for something everyone hates." he admitted, staring at her. "it's... kind of nice." he admitted, smiling a little. "it's not like i want you to get angry. it's just. what i'm used to i guess." he admitted, snuggling with her. "...i know." he admitted, smiling at her. "it's the way you look at me." he admitted softly. "it's the same kind of look that Steve gives James, so i know it must be love."

he huffed. "i am not." he complained before he smiled at James, standing up and wrapping his arms around James. "then we won't have children." he admitted. "what's the point in having a family, without my family?" he asked, smiling at James. "i don't Need a child to be happy. i want lots of things i'll probably never have." he admitted. "and besides, someday i'm sure you'll want children yourself." he admitted with a smile. "we have our own issues to work through first. we can practice with Tony's kids for another five years and then decide if we want to have kids then."
 
“I’m sure I’ve been angry before. I’m sure I’ll get angry of things. But you working, it doesn’t seem worth getting angry over.”She said smiling at him, stealing a kiss before blushing, “Good....and it amuses me that you use Cap and James as the standard of how you judge things for relationships.”She teased a little.

James tensed as he was hugged, avoiding looking at the other, staring down at the floor, “You want kids. You do. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t have some brats. You should find someone to have some with.Someone who’s not totaled his killcount in the thousands.”James voice shook, trembling. “I don’t...I don’t want kids Cap. Tony’s kids I can send back to their parents, I don’t have to explain anything. Or look down at them and imagine the ways to kill or deal or...I don’t...Cap, I look at the twins and all I can imagine is what I could do to them...I can’t...”he said sounding so utterly undone. Because it was so hard for him. So very hard for him, even now a year after tony broke the training, he still looked at everyone in terms of how to leverage things into dealing with things, of kidnappings, of killings of doing anything that crossed that line. Because the line no longer existed for him really, he knew that it existed, but it broke him. And he was so very scared he’d act on the plans rolling around his head, so scared he’d hurt the twins. At least the adults around him, he could trust to put him down. The twins were just so helpless.
 
he shook his head. "i honestly don't think you've ever been truly angry with me. the only time i've ever seen you even a little bit mad at me was when i infected you with Extremis so you wouldn't die, and you where more scared than angry i think." he admitted. "you forgave me too fast for you to have really been mad at me." he admitted. "well why shouldn't i? it's not as if i know what love really looks or feels like. i only know i love you, because i would do anything for you... even let you leave. if that's not love, what is?" he asked with a smile.

Steve snorted. "oh James your so stupid sometimes." Steve admitted. "it's always been you, don't you know that? ever since we where six you where the only one i wanted." he admitted. "if i can never have children then that's okay. because as long as i have you i'm already the happiest man on earth." he admitted. "God has given us to each other. how else could we both have ended up, alive, well and mostly sane after seventy years, with plenty of life left to truly be happy?" he asked. "we where meant to be, and not even you can fight fate." he teased with a smile. "you won't be like this forever. it's only been a year, that's not nearly long enough to heal at all." he admitted. "you think i don't look at Farian sometimes and imagine how easy it would be to snap her neck? or look at the twins and realize how easy it would be to just hold them a little too hard? or see Tony and wonder how long he'd struggle if i just held his head under the water?" well wasn't that messed up. but it was what they had often done during the war. snap necks, drown people, cut them open and torture them. "Hydra did terrible, terrible things to you James, but your not alone anymore. i'm here for you, forever. till the end of the line. you told me that you know, all meh life. Till the End of the Line. your not going to break that promise now are you?"
 
“Well, not dying is a very good thing.”She said smiling a little nuzzling him before smiling. “True. I would do anything for you to.”She muttered yawning a little. “And if that isn’t love, I don’t know what else it’d be.love you.”She muttered starting to drift off.

James shuddered a little. “You deserve better. Always have.”He muttered even as he leaned into the other even more, before shuddering a little. “....I don’t know. It has to be....you’re right.”he muttered a littel relaxing a little, finding reassurance in the other’s words, and logic. Trembling a little before nodding jerkily, even if he thought he should be better, it still upset him that he wasn’t better, that he wasn’t doing better before his head jerked up, staring at the other. Looking startled as he realized that he wasn’t alone. “...Oh.I...I hadn’t...the memories start to blur together...I can’t tell what was the war...or hydra’s missions anymore....they just blur into thousands of lives gone...”He swallowed, thickly, starting to cry as he clung to him, taking comfort that steve was indeed as messed up as he was. Not feeling quite as alone anymore. Or as freakish for thinking about it. The war and what followed had managed to mess them both up so badly. “...No, I’m with you till the end...”he muttered.
 
Steve snorted. "i deserve what i want don't i? i deserve what i need? well that's you." he admitted. "all i'll ever need is you." he promised. "God is rewarding us." he murmured with a smile. "the memories do blue together. and then they start to fade only to come back in such sharp focus that's all you can remember." he agreed softly. "i get that way too. it's normal." he admitted. "i think." he admitted. "all i know is that i murdered just as many people as you, for a cause i never truly believed in. i only fought because you fought. i fought because my pa died fighting. i fought because it was all i could do." he admitted, smiling at the other, kneeling on the floor so James didn't have to stand. "i killed because killing is what i'm good at, and i'm still killing now." he admitted, running his fingers through the others hair. "forever and always." he agreed softly.
 
"W..yes. that's what you deserve. What you want."James muttered shuddering a little before wincing nodding."yes!exactly. Blurring until it hits you out of the blue. It's hard to deal...I don't know if it's normal...but it's been like that since tony broke hydra's control."she shuddered."...I fought because I thought it was the right thing to do...now I don't know....and we are good at killing."he shuddered swallowing thickly closing his eyes as he cried simply letting the other hold him."we're killing to protect now...and I do believe in tony...makes the difference..."he muttered
 
Steve smiled a little. good. then we're agreed that i deserve you." he mused before nodding. "Bruce helps a lot." Steve admitted. "he scares the fuck out of me, but when i need to talk, or rant or cry he's always there to listen." he admitted. "i think that helps a lot. just having someone to listen." he knew Bruce talked to Jame all the time, but he didn't know if James ever talked back. "you fought because that was all you knew too." he agreed, smiling. "and yes. fighting to protect Tony, fighting to keep Tony safe is a good reason to kill, even if he doesn't like you doing it." he admitted with a chuckle. "we kill to protect the world now. we're good people now. and that's what matters. healing will come in time." he admitted, gently nudging James. "come on. up. we can have a round of wild kinky sex, that always make us feel better." he offered. "and always remember, even if you loose control, the people in this tower can, and will put you down." he promised, kissing him gently.
 
“....Maybe.”James muttered squirming a little, because it was true, he rarely talked back to bruce even if he listened to the other. “Hm, well tony’s going to have to live with it, as it’s for his own protection.”James huffed sighing quietly as he got up, grinning. “Hm, wild sex is amazing.”he grinned, already feeling better, kissing the other back, nodding. “Yes, you can.”He said swallowing hard.

A week later Farian sighed softly as she watched loki, “You know, his girlfriend’s coming with him. I’m sure your brother wont like go insane or something with her here.”she said cuddling the twin she was holding, amused because indeed the godling and his scientist were due to arrive any minute, and loki was looking a little worried.
 
he smiled at the other. "you don't have to talk to Bruce." he promised. "you could talk to me if you'd like?" he offered smiling at him. "it really does help to talk." he admitted. "it's more how it affects you that Tony doesn't like." Steve admitted. "he hates seeing you as the Winter Soldier instead of James. i guess he doesn't understand that they're the same person." he admitted.

Loki was still and silent, refusing to look at any of them. they did not know like Loki knew. they did not understand Odin's wrath or his brothers fury. they did not know he was a monster hidden in Aeser skin. he stood as soon as Thor entered and did something truly odd. he stood in front of his brother and held his hands up, palms up. like he was waiting to be arrested. he was looking away from Thor as well, refusing to even look at his brother. "Loki...?" Tony asked, startled. "i will not let his rage ruin your beautiful place, Tony. or for him to hurt you to get to me. i can only submit to his wrath." Loki stated softly. he sounded not unlike when they had been children, and Loki was being punished yet again for something another child had done. when asked why Loki never protested he had only said 'what is there to protest? one cannot protest a person's hatred of me. i will only be punished twice for 'lying' if i complained of my innocence.' it was the same tone, the same defeat. Loki was so certain that Thor would punish him that he was giving himself up to protect those he had grown to care about very much.
 
“...I would like that.”he said relaxing at the idea before sighing softly. “I was the Soldier long before I ended up with hydra....but its sort of adorably innocent that he doesn’t understand that.”He muttered.

“...You are not under arrest, Brother. As both reigning king of asgard, and as the man who would rather the world not go to war with each other, I have pardoned you for your actions. As Mr. Stark has decided, you are his problem now, Loki.”Thor said pain flickering over his face before he hid it, wrapping a arm around jane’s waist. James growled softly, tense and worried as he watched the two brothers, not quite sure what to think, looking at steve, needing help figuring this out.
 
he nodded. "you where always a sadistic fucker." he agreed with a chuckle. "you became the Soldier during the war, he was already there even when we where kids." he admitted, smiling. "he kinda makes me hot." he admitted with an impish grin.

Loki's head snapped up so fast it almost looked as if it should have hurt. "i... what?" he sounded so confused. "i'm... but... i tried to kill you! i took the throne! i unleashed monsters onto your people!" he protested, unable to hold himself up anymore he collapsed, sitting on the floor. "i don't understand! why won't you hate me!?" Steve moved over to James, sliding his hand into the others. "it's okay James. Loki hates himself for what he did, so he assumes Thor will too. because Thor doesn't hate him, a lot of Loki's perceptions of himself and others have shifted. he's just having a bit of a breakdown but he'll be okay." Steve explained in soft whispers.
 
“hm, I’ll have to remember that.”James smirked at the idea of the soldier turning steve on.”You are such a kinky fucker.”He teased a little.

“So you did. And I could have killed a lot of people with my stunts over the years.”Thor said, since having been sent to earth, it was obvious the man had found a new part of himself, settling and easing, less prone to anger, and wiser. “You are my brother. While I do not like what you did, I do not hate you.”Thor said watching the other man. James swallowed thickly, looking up at steve, twitching a little ,hating that this was making him so twitch. “Okay....this isn’t to bad right?I can’t do anything to help?”
 
Loki shook his head. "i'm a monster! i'm a Monster Thor LOOK AT ME!" frost creaped down his body as he slowly turned blue, his eyes as red as rubies. "i should disgust you! look at me! i'm nothing but a monster!" Loki wailed, burying his face in his hands as he began to sob. he didn't understand how Thor could not hate him when he despised himself so very, very much. how could Thor forgive him when he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror, he was so disgusted with what he had done? why couldn't Thor just punish him like he was supposed to? "this is actually good. Loki's never dealt with what happened. he just locked it all up inside. he's letting it all out now, and that means he'll finally start healing. and Thor will help him, of that i have no doubt... he's kind of cute when he's blue though isn't he? Tony's nearly drooling." "i am not!"
 
“I am looking at you. And you are still my brother.”Thor said sighing softly. “And you were never disgusted with me when I was a brute and oaf, you don’t get to decide if you’re a monster loki.”Thor said before moving over and sitting down next to him, hesitating, not sure if he could touch the other. “Ah. Well, good then.”James frowned before grinning, looking over at tony. “He totally is. I mean, it’s his dream to cool off. Loki’s like a wet dream come true.”James teased. “I’m cold enough for both of us.”Farian frowned looking amused though.
 
Loki shook his head. "i'm a monster. a freak. a disgusting blight upon the world! isn't that what you used to call people like me!?" he demanded, "i'm a Jotun Thor! you don't get much more despised than me!" he complained, sobbing into his hands. it was Bruce who stepped forward and gently set a hand on Loki's shoulder, silently letting Thor know it was okay before Bruce started ushering the others out. Loki wouldn't like a crowd around while he broke down. "yep. too bad Loki's more likely to seduce Farian." Steve admitted with a grin, making Tony huff. "Loki doesn't fuck humans. he told me so." he admitted. "besides, Farian hasn't agreed to let me seduce Loki, so i won't." he admitted. "besides, i don't think i'm Loki's type." he admitted. "come on. lets leave them alone. Loki's not going to be able to forgive himself until he realizes Thor honestly doesn't care."
 
“...Are you going to hold what I said as a teenager against me forever?It’s been centuries since I said that.”Thor said quietly, “Well, I don’t despise you.”Thor said sighing a little as he looked at the others, gently wrapping loki into a hug. “Hm, very true. They’d be very good together, so so cold.”James teased amused. “I don’t want Loki.”Farian said smiling a little as they left, “I just want tony.”she said snuggling against her fiancee as they left the room.
 
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