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have you ever.

Nope, I'm too big to have sex in a car :/

Ever stumbled upon someone having sex and they didn't stop though they knew you were there?
 
Nope. I only ever have one sexual partner.

Ever had a lover so paranoid they went through your things on a regular basis, then you found out THEY were the cheater?
 
Nope, but isn't that how it generally goes? The one accusing you is generally the one cheating...


Have you ever showed up at your SO's workplace, wearing something sleazy/sexy (and easy acces!), hoping to squeeze in a "quickie" for lunch?
 
Yes I dreamed I moved to Massachusetts because it was closer to my taijutsu class in Plaistow, NH, even though I live in Manchester. I literally woke up screaming "Massholes!!" :p

Have you ever tried to do 2 things at once and failed at both because you were that tired? (IE, poured coffee on your cereal and added milk to your glass of OJ?)
 
^ Buddy of mine, Leon Proctor, lives in Plaistow. ^

Not exactly because I was too tired but because I was too hung-over / still drunk.

Have you ever crossed the street to use a sidewalk and gotten blitzed by a turd on a bicycle?
 
*High fives to a fellow New Englander* :D

No, not since I walk with two pitbulls, lol. I have had people cross to the other side of the street to avoid us though...

Have you ever been so drunk that you woke up with a new tattoo--that you did yourself?
 
Yes. Galveston beach, five in the morning. Decided to grab a little nookie at closing time in the Sixth Street after-hours bars (Sampan Lounge if you're keeping score). We were all alone. Except for the Galveston police. They were cool, they let me bust my nut before they turned the lights on. I damned near had a heart attack.

Have you ever been screwing happily away when you were suddenly and unexpectedly beset by calendar issues?
 
EVERY NIGHT! And it's always in the desert, surrounded by monkeys.

Have you ever fantasized a sexual encounter with Robert Downey Jr.?
 
No, thank goodness. I do try to be careful, but one never knows their partners whole history.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
 
If by danced with the devil, you meant played videogames, and pale moonlight you mean the pale glow of my lamp all night, yes.

Have you ever killed an animal while driving on accident?
 
Yes. A raccoon, a mongoose, a squirrel, and maybe a turtle, but I think it was already dead.

Have you ever skydived before?
 
No. I like my bacon as much as the next guy, but good Lord, not on chocolate cake!

Have you ever received absolutely delicious oral sex and discovered, irretrievably after the fact, that the donor was not who you'd thought?
 
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