The Rock Star and the Dancer (Russian Vodka)

Akira stared at the TV, he had almost dropped the glass he was cleaning and his mouth was dropped. It couldn't be him, could it? He continued to stare at the TV, finally moving over closer to it to stare at the man. It was. Akira sat back and bit his lip before pulling out his cell and calling the number on the screen. He had to see him again, if only one more time. Once he booked the tickets he called his friends from the club and begged them to come with him. He couldn't go alone, this was his ex he was going to go see. They had to help him, he wanted to talk to a famous person. Please talk him out of it. The conversation went on for hours going around and around until they finally agreed to go with him and not let him back out of at least attempting to talk to the man.

Akira had already waited five years to see his first love again, but the one week waiting for the concert had seemed like another five years. How he had managed to convince the girls to go with him, he would never know, but he was happy he did. He would have been all too nervous to go back to where everyone was greeting the band before they got into their car to go wherever it was famous people went after. His friends told him it might be easier if he went dressed in his costume for work. After all he was confident in front of the people he danced for, so why not the man he used to love? Which was why Akira was watching the concert in a skirt that was probably on just this side of appropriate and a loose sweater shirt. His hair he had done up in a high ponytail much like he had done when he was in high school.

Once the concert was over Akira waited outside the backdoor to the concert hall. By the time they got there though he was closest to the car. He didn't care though, waiting right where they were was fine with him, as long as he got to see him. In all honesty this was probably for the best, the crowd would probably die down and he'd have a chance to at least say hello to the man. The moment he saw his old boyfriend he called out to him.

He hoped that the man could hear him, there weren't too many groupies left, but the ones that were still there were rather loud. Plus, who knew if his ex even remembered him, it had been five years and now the other was famous. He had heard that famous people tended to forget the people they knew when they were not. Akira wasn't even sure what he was going to say, but he had to explain. He had to let the other know what had happened. He had grabbed a business card from the club and had written his number down on it. He held the card tightly in his hand he wasn't sure if he could even give just that to the man. Perhaps if he could get the other to call him it might be easier.

The past five years had been a blur. There wasn't much that Shiro remembered or took note off since he graduated and the band he played in took a big step up in the world. They were the first of their kind, daring to mix western rock with japanese rock, creating a blend that was just right enough to be provocative for the westerns and flashy for the japanese. Earning them a record deal and their first national tour. Of course that was only the beginning. And being a guitarist was more than just being the coolest guy in the band, it meant the most attention from their fans as well.

He had to always keep up appearances, yet for some reason, the break up he had experienced in High School had somehow blocked his romantic side off. He couldn't seem to get engaged in anyone, focusing on his career instead, the few romances he was put up to try died out fast. He had never really rebounded from Akira in all those years.

Now it was time for them to return. They were finishing up their tour and they had the final concert in the city where they grew up. Where it all started. It was a show that wasn't sold out, but then again, it wasn't that big a town and it was the end of the tour. Yet the show was as phenomenal as it always was. For Shiro it was different, the concerts and music was his job, his passion, his romance. He couldn't bring himself past that so he gave it his all. Living for the crowd as many would call it, and as fast as it had begun, as fast did they end the encore number and headed back.

Their manager waited, telling them to gather their jackets and leave everything else to the crew, they were going to meet the fans. Shiro let out a sigh, he'd much rather just get straight on the bus than be forced to deal with a bunch of horny girls swooning over them. They exited together, to the roar of the crowd, yet something caught his attention. Right by the end, at the car, a ponytail that looked familiar, yet before he could see the face, an arm went in front. His heart skipped a beat, could it really be who he thought it was? "Guys, take care of this." Was all he could tell the others as he broke off into a long stride. They hadn't even gotten to dry off, the beads of sweat raining off his forehead, the drenched shirt clinging to his chest, he was fit and slightly muscular, preferring stamina for the long shows over raw strength. His stride long and confident as he got to the end of the line, right before the car.

Once he caught the eyes of the one he thought was a stranger, he froze. The face was too familiar, his eyes moving on their own, as if analyzing the face in front of him. And then it dawned on him, a cold running down his back despite the heat of the night and made him shudder. He couldn't believe it, his ex was at his concert, looking as gorgeous and cute as he remembered. There were only a few memories as he stepped to the boundaries, pushing in between the two security guards. "Ak-Akir.." He was cut off by the men, making him only more determined as he pushed in again. "Akira!" He managed to let out, noticing the hand stretching towards him, but not seeing the business card, he reached out, going for the hand instead, grabbing and wedging himself in between the guards, catching the eyes of his former love, the one who had broken his heart yet never abandoned it. He turned to find a small gap at the fence by the end. "Come!" He demanded, this was the last chance he had before he had to leave, he wasn't going to waste it, pulling his ex with him towards the gap, wanting him to come through as he moved to put himself between Akira and any possible security who might try and stop the cross dressing boy from passing.

Akira didn't know what to expect. However, when suddenly his ex was standing right in front of him it was like they were transported back in time. He couldn't breathe. Shiro was somehow even more attractive then he had been back in high school. Oh, he really shouldn't have done this. He was just here to explain, to get closure, to apologize. He was not here to fall in love all over again. God, why didn't he just send a letter? Those eyes scanning him and trying to figure out who he was, they made him shift, this was a worse idea than he thought. Now he would have to explain all of this.

He opened his mouth to say Shiro's name once more when the other called to him. It left him breathless again and the only thing he could think of was to hand him the card. He had to give him a way to contact himself. So he reached out and before he knew it, his hand and the card was caught by Shiro's. He wanted to pull away so badly, he had to, before those feelings came back. He was over Shiro he had told himself that for years. For five years. With every man he had been with he told himself, this was the one that would do it, this was the one that would finally push him away from his feelings for Shiro. It never seemed to work out.

Next thing he knew he was being told to go to a spot where the guards and fence had disappeared. He bit his lip and was moving forward before he could stop himself, tell the other no, tell the other to just call him. Soon he was next to his former love. He looked down at himself, this outfit did not make him any braver in front of Shiro. He bit his lip, "H-hi..." He murmured, a small blush forming on his cheeks. "Shiro...I...um..." He tried, the words refused to get out, so he showed the man the card, the number, very carefully hiding the rest of the card. As he had been holding it he realized that Shiro had no idea what had happened to him. He wished he had a pen. He could have just written on Shiro's hand, it would have looked like he was just some sex crazed fan. God, he was an idiot. "Call me?" He managed to get out, refusing to look the other in the eye.

Meanwhile, his friends where pressing forward, trying to hear the conversation. They wanted to know why Akira wanted to see this guy again. They knew who this person was and what he meant to their friend, but they didn't know why on Earth Akira would want to draw up feelings he had been trying so hard to get rid of for the time they had known him. They got a little too close and were stopped by the guards and they started to tell the guards off as they watched their friend hand over the card. "Does he..." one of them started "I don't think it quite got through that head of his what that would look like." "Oh..." They sighed as the guard moved to block Shirk and thus Akira from them and moved back to telling off the guard.

This is what distracted Akira. He glanced over to his friends and frowned, "I um...Call me!" He repeated as he turned to go stop his friends from harassing the man who was only doing his job. He was honestly glad the girls had distracted him, he could feel all eyes on him waiting to see what Shiro and he would do.

Seeing his old ex again, Shiro couldn't believe his eyes. Aside from the older looking face and features, it was their first high school meeting all over again. Everything else didn't matter, the security guards by the fences didn't matter, the fences could disappear and he would've hugged him tight and probably not let go. Yet he realised quickly the pain, the worry in Akira's eyes, as if he was doubting coming there. Shiro froze, trying to comprehend if this was his fault or not.

Things seemed to move so fast, yet all in slow motion. Every encounter he'd had with someone else, men, women, they didn't matter. None of them came anywhere close to the passion he sought after, the passion that hadn't left him since high school. His heart was still broken, he had tried piecing it together, mending it with half-hearted sollutions. It was either alcohol or another failed attempt at falling in love with someone else that'd brought him deeper into the devastation over why he couldn't seem to move on.

"Hey." Shiro managed to reply, trying to cover them so the guards wouldn't get to seperate them. He didn't know what to say first of all, there was so much, and then suddenly Akira spoke, or at least tried. It didn't seem to be more than a few words, before the card was shown, the one from where Akira worked now. Without seeing the name, it looked interesting, fancy. And then the two words. Asking him to call his ex, but without looking him in the eye. Shiro was distressed, trying to figure out a response as he could see some girls in the back trying to get closer, at first thinking it might be crazy fan girls, but then realising they seemed interested in Akira as well.

He wanted to say something, to invite them all over. But the car wasn't big enough, and it was only taking them to the hotel. He couldn't bring them all into the room he had. Despite their status, they had rather simple rooms meant for them to relax in. He realised that he had to do somthing the moment Akira's attention disappeared. He looked down, realising he hadn't removed anything since he came out from the stage. And as his lover was turning around, he made up his mind.

He still had the card in one hand as he grabbed the sweatband around his free hand, pulling it off, moving halfways past the fence, doing the one thing he had been told not to do, not to move past the barrier and to the fans. But he had to do it as a security guard moved to push him back. "Aki!" The nickname he'd given his ex was all he could muster before he thrust his hand forward, managing to push it into the palm of his ex's hand. "Hold onto it for me!" He called out as he was moved back into the middle with the others, his other hand clutching the card with the number written on it. He needed to make the call, to talk with his ex. He needed to find out if they were more or if they could finally get each other the closure they obviously needed.

Everything past that happened so fast, blanking out, he didn't remember getting in the car, it was big enough for them all and the manager to sit and look at each other, and he was being scolded for breaking the one security rule they'd been given. Yet it didn't seem to matter, all he could do was stare at the business card, seeing the sign of a girl on a pole below the name, and then the number as the band was taken to the hotel for their final night's rest.

Akira turned back when he heard his nickname. How he hated that nickname. It made him want to run, but at the same time he couldn't ignore it. That was Shiro's nickname for him. Shiro was the only one to call him that, he refused to let anyone else call him Aki. He looked confused at the hand flying out but grabbed whatever was shoved into his hand. He looked down at the item and then back to Shiro before once again looking down and being distracted by his friends. He held his hand and the sweatband close to his chest before he turned around once again and left, heading out with his friends.

He had work the following night. Why on Earth did he hand that card to his ex? It wasn't like he would really be able to talk to him over the phone during the night, and he slept most of the day...God...that card didn't have the address on it did it? Shiro wouldn't actually come to the club would he? Akira questioned himself over and over. At first he would think one thing but then realize that five years was a long time and so much could have changed. He had no idea what Shiro would do, hell, he might not even call or show up or anything. "But then why give me the sweatband?" he mumbled to himself as he paced around his apartment, attempting to get ready for work. He huffed and attempted to pull off a small punk rocker look as he checked himself in the mirror. He played with the hem of the pleated plaid skirt and sighed, "It really does need fish nets..." he murmured and moved to get changed once again into fishnet stockings instead of the knee highs he had on.

Once he finished getting ready he headed off to work, checking his phone a billion and one times waiting for the other to call. He moved towards his locker in the back of the club and placed his phone inside, checking it just one more time. Would he even answer if Shiro called? He might be too scared to even pick the phone up if the man called. He grabbed a business card off the break room table and took a look at it, "Fuck." he whispered and sighed, everything was on there. The address, the phone number to the place, the website that Shiro could find video's of Akira on, and on the back a blank white space...where Akira had written his personal number. God he was such an idiot. This was not how he wanted Shiro to find out.

He shook his head, either way it was too late now he moved out front and practice his routine as the owner of the club watched. The owner made pointers or asked for something else as he went through it one more time a bit slower so comments could be made and changed faster. The club would open soon and the poles would be used and according to the schedule Akira was up for lap dances that night.

It was a haze from the car and on, Shiro didn't remember much of the concert or afterwards when he woke up the next morning, a dull throb in the back of his head. Miraculously, he'd somehow made it to bed, his arm hanging out over the side as his fingers moved, touching the wet carpet by the edge of the bed. His eyes snapped opene, and he tossed himself around to sit up, only to feel the reeling force of his hangover, sending him backwards with a groan onto the soft mattress. He remembered seeing his ex after the concert, giving him the sweatband, nothing more than that.

As he slowly regained his senses, he managed to sit up without being too dizzy, noticing the nearly empty bottle of vodka in the wet spot on the carpet, it seemed most of the alcohol that'd been left was seeped into the soft, smooth cloth of the carpet. As he looked around, it swirled for a bit as his eyes steadied, the hangover was heavy and when he noticed the business card on the nightstand, he remembered why. In flashes, he realised what he'd done after getting back to the hotel.

He'd taken the bottle and begun drinking, looking at the card, trying to find out if he should text, or call, or even do anything with it. He hadn't bothered checking the info on it about the place mentioned or the website to said place. The picture told him enough, it wasn't a place he'd heard of, but he was sure someone could tell him if he remembered to later. For now he needed to get up and get a shower, as the stench of the concert shirt from yesterday hit him mixed with his own alcohol induced sleep.

The rest of the day was spent getting told he had a couple of days vacation before their manager wanted to see them again, they were free to stay at the hotel or go to visit their families, and he had already planned to see his folks. He had to have a taxi called to take him home, where he spent most of the time apologising profusely for not being completely sober, looking like a mess and being accused of doing drugs. It was the last thing he needed so when it was done, it was already past opening time for Akira's workplace.

Shiro couldn't help himself at that time, he'd brought the card with him, the number on it. Yet as he tried calling it, it rang and went on answering machine. By the time he managed to find a taxi to take him there, he'd left three silent voicemails. He didn't know what to say, so instead he went there. Told the driver the address, and then sat back, prepared to pay to reach his destination. It was the longest drive he'd ever had, still hungover, the dull throbbing had gone down to the occassional lightheaded throb as he at least had food in his stomach to help clear it out of his system.

For some reason his memories were a blur, as he got out and stood in front of the door to the place, looking at the two bouncers, he couldn't remember how he'd gotten there. And now he was heading inside, the music already playing, the locals and regulars taking up most of the seats as he went around. Dressed in a pair of black jeans, with a band shirt, as he always did when he wasn't playing a concert or working with the others, in a yellow color, his spiky blue hair made him stand out. Yet he went to the bar, the first thing he needed was a drink to push the last of his hangover out. Then he would try and find Akira. Shiro could feel that he needed to, it was as if he would go insane if he didn't at least attempt to find consolation.

So far Akira had had an easy shift. Which was good as his mind was only on one thing. He had even managed to get to his phone on break and listened to the silent voicemails. He sighed after the third one and got up to put his phone back in his locker. And that's when Christie came running on her too high high heels over to Akira. "Akira! Akira! Akira! That-" she paused to catch her breath and place her hand on Akira's shoulder, "That boy from the concert, he's here." she managed to, get out, giving a wide smile. "I can't believe he actually showed up! I thought for sure he'd stay away once he realized what this place was, but he's here!" she seemed over joyed to be sharing this information with Akira, Akira however looked anything but joyous.

"Thanks Christie..." he murmured and hugged the girl, "look, I- I don't know, do you think it was a mistake? I mean, come on, look at me!" he said, motioning to his outfit. He had switched out of his punk rock outfit for this lovely little ice queen number. He now had dark blue short shorts and a dark blue peasant cutoff shirt that was just loose in the right areas to give an illusion of a small breasted woman. "What if-" he started, being cut off as he heard his name. "Shit." he murmured and hurried over to the stage area.

The lights in the club turned a light blue and aimed right at the stage waiting as the announcer came forth, "Well good evening ladies and gentleman! We've got a special treat for you! Our own resident ice queen is back and ready to show off her moves! Please give a warm or should I say freezing welcome to Akira the Ice Queen!" the announcer called out as he moved to hide behind the curtains of the stage before Akira moved out to the beat of the music. As he moved towards the center pole he ran his hand through his hair, giving the most bitch look he could muster before he grabbed the pole and spun. Once he planted his feet again on either side of the pole he dropped squatting as he straddled the pole. He came back up slowly humping the pole, giving off a light smirk to a few of the closer seated men. He winked before taking the string that held his top together and pulled, and as the string came undone his shirt fell off his body and laid forgotten behind him. He slowly worked his way up the pole, doing a few tricks as he moved up higher before spinning back down the pole. When he reached the bottom he moved so his back was against the pole and his hips moved out just so. He worked on his shorts, slowly pulling the zipper and letting the shorts slide off his body leaving him only a tiny thong giving just enough fabric to hide what was important. He ended his routine with a lean forward, showing off just how flexible he still was.

With his pole routine over he still danced around a bit as he allowed men to stuff their dollars down his tiny thong. He would pick up a few, from the stage, showing his ass off to the other side of the stage. And all the while he did this he was doing everything he could to not make any form of sight related contact with the man he had been told was somewhere in the crowd. "Don't forget guys, this ice queen can be yours for a quick lap dance all you have to do is pay!" the announcer stated as Akira finished up gathering his clothes and headed off to get redressed in his punk rocker outfit yet again. He sighed a bit and set the cash aside in the jar that was labeled his for later, before heading out to the front once again to work the laps that were willing to pay.

Shiro was in a daze. He couldn't believe he had shown up, the atmosphere thick and the crowd rowdy as the girls danced on the stages between the major numbers and events. And then suddenly, the music dimmed and quieted down, and he heard Akira's name mentioned all of a sudden. To his surprise, his ex was suddenly in the stage, spinning around on a pole, stripping to barely nothing. The empty glass in Shiro's hand clattering against the table he'd found.

Mesmerised by the performance, he couldn't help himself, staring at the spins and twirls. Akira had been his first. The only one he'd felt truly comfortable being himself around. The flashes of images in his mind made his heart throb with desire again, and his body reacted. He didn't realise he was devouring his ex with his eyes, hungrily licking his lips. That was, until he saw the young man on the stage move around, the bills put into the thin thong. It was too much, a sickening jealousy rushing through his stomach as he scrambled, moving to the restroom fast.

Nothing was going to stop his stomach from overturning, emptying it's contents into the toilet. Everything he'd eaten, drank, even a bit of the stomach acid as he felt pale and lightheaded. The images of what had just transpired in his mind playing over and over again. His ex was selling himself and showing off himself in barely anything to strangers. Men willing to pay just to see him undress.

Shiro couldn't believe himself as he slowly got back up, finally feeling the train of exhaustion hit him. Their concerts had been close, he hadn't gotten all the sleep he needed to think rationally in this moment as he left the bathroom after washing his hands and mouth. He got a quick whiskey shot to clear the taste of his mouth before paying the one arranging lapdances, booking a time with his ex.

The wait was the next obstacle. He was the sixth person in line, and he could feel himself changing over and over. First hot, then cold, then he felt himself sweating and then back to cold. The longer it took, the more anxious he got. Until it was time, and he moved into the room on wobbly legs, the rules laid out on all four walls. He could tip. He could put his hands on the chair. He could not touch the dancer. He could not talk unless the dancer talked to him. All he could do was wait for this second meet with his ex. And he felt horrified. Seconds felt like hours until the curtain moved and he could see Akira coming in.

Akira went about his night, giving the lap dances that were owed. The routine was always the same, go in and greet, remind them of the rules, usually he would tell them they could forego the no talking rule as long as they weren't going to harass him. Though it usually didn't matter because most of his clients stayed silent. He assumed they just didn't want to get caught getting turned on by a guy. It was nothing new to him. So when he got into the room with Shiro he didn't think anything was different.

"Hey, sweetie, hope your day has been going well, don't worry about the-" he stopped mid way through his sentence as he finally looked at the client. He felt his heart skip a beat and he bit his lip. This situation was nothing new, he had been in this room with people he knew before. Though admittedly it wasn't usually wasn't old boyfriends. It was usually just people he recognized from high school, ones that by some circumstance wound up with assholes for friends that thought it would be hilarious for their friend to get a lap dance from a guy, only to figure it out later when Akira was stripping.

He gulped and glanced towards the camera in the corner. He had the right to deny any client, but he had to have a good reason. It's my ex, was not a good enough reason, especially when this ex was not abusive or anything that could cause issues. Well other than Akira possibly wanting to screw the man's brains out...

Akira took a deep breath and started again, "you can ignore the no talking rule." He whispered before he moved over and straddled his old boyfriend. He started with a little bit of grinding, never actually touching Shiro's lap. This was the point of an effective lap dance, being there but never actually touching. It drove men nuts. He ran his hands along his own chest before moving them to Shiro's, his hands touching ever so lightly on a chest he hadn't touched in a while. Even with practiced touch his hands were shaking ever so slightly, not enough to see, but enough to feel.

About half way through the lap dance he finally got the balls to talk to the man underneath him. "I..I'm sorry." He whispered.

It felt like they reacted as one, Shiro froze when he saw Akira coming into the room in the punk rocker outfit. It reminded him of High School, of how they'd dated for a bit, and then it'd stopped suddenly. He never found out why, only that something had happened that meant they couldn't see each other. His grip on the chair tightened, his arms flexing. He wanted to pounce on his ex and hug him, hold him tight, though he knew the moment he did, the bouncers would be there to throw him out.

He had to wait, giving a nod as he was told to ignore the no talking rule. He didn't know what to say though, his throat felt dried up, the light concealing how pale he looked as he let his ex start performing the lap dance on him. He had to put every ounce of his strength into resisting himself. He wanted so badly to give in and touch Akira as he danced, and touched his chest just barely, yet enough to feel the shivering. He could remember their first time vividly as it happened, and the one uncontrollable thing he had decided it was time to rise.

He hadn't felt this aroused in a long time, no one he'd been with could possibly make him feel like this. And then they were halfways through it, what felt like it skipped ahead, cheating Shiro of their time together, time was not on his side. Yet there was an apology, making his mouth part ever so lightly. "I..." He trailed off, looking down for a moment, trying to find the right words before he looked up, into the eyes of his ex.

The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife, words flying through his head but he couldn't put them together properly, and he just ended up blurting out. "Did you hate me back then? Do you still?" He couldn't help, it was what nagged him the most. He thought it was his fault, that he'd messed up, even though he couldn't understand how or where he could possibly have made a mistake. It was obvious from the serious look in his eyes how much this meant to him, and he had hoped they would've talked somewhere without a camera observing them, even if it was only for safety reasons.

Akira wanted to look away so badly. There was no hate in those eyes, just sadness and curiosity of not knowing what had happened. The tension had gotten so thick he could barely move anymore. He licked his lips lightly and slowly sat down, very quickly wishing he hadn't. He figured the other was hard, but it was kind of the worst timing on his own part. Akira sighed as he moved just a little bit so he wasn't directly on the other's hard on. He looked down to the man's chest and touched it once more, fiddling with the shirt a bit. "No," he finally said.

"I could never hate you. Not then and not now." he sighed again, "I- Do you remember Susan Morn? We were the best of friends at school. I-..." he bit his lip, not really sure how to phrase this. He knew it was bad and stupid. "Look I was stupid and young and I never should have listened to her, but she told me...she convinced me that you were going nowhere." he explained. "And if I wanted to go somewhere, I needed to stop hanging out with nobodies." he said, a small smile forming on his face, "Was she sure surprised when you went somewhere." he said as his smile faded again, "Was I ever surprised when she ditched me and went somewhere too." he slowly slipped out of Shiro's lap and refused to look at him. "You're um, you're playing was really good." he murmured and glanced at the light that flashed a few times in the corner. "Uh...your time is almost up." he said, "You can get a refund if you like, I know this wasn't exactly the best in the world." he said.

He bit his lip and glanced to the curtain before looking back to the cameras and then to Shiro. Memories like Shiro was having had come flooding back to him when he sat down on Shiro's lap and was the whole reason he a moved from the other, hoping he didn't take notice to the twice that had happened under his skirt. He remembered a few times they had enjoyed themselves a bit more and the first sweatband Shiro had given him. He gasped "Oh! I um, do you want your sweatband back?" he asked him. "I can go get it and be right back, I probably should bring you both." he offered, his voice getting smaller and smaller as he talked when he realized he was admitting to still having the first one.

Shiro felt like a weight dropped from his chest when he was today that his ex could never love him. Then came the story, the explanation he had waited for in all those years. It wasn't his fault, Akira had listened to his best friend and take her advice to heart. "I understand." It sounded ridiculous in his mind. How could he possibly understand how it went down five years ago?

It seemed that leaving him had only left his ex more of a mess as he was ditched twice when his best friend moved as well. It was a sting in his heart, had he only known that it would come to this. He wanted to say something but Akira changed the subject to his playing and reminded him of the time he had left. "Thanks. I let myself into the music back when it all happened. I don't think I would've made it to today if I didn't have the band." Shiro admitted, standing up and looking down at his ex when the refund was mentioned.

"No. I won't get a refund." He shock his head, seeing the flashing light and then looking to the door he would leave through. He had noticed the skirt moving, the tent appearing. His arms felt weary from how tight he'd held onto the chair as he gave a soft smile to Akira. "Keep the sweatbands. Unless it smells like death and destruction." He tried to lighten the mood. "I gave the first one to you because I didn't know how else to express my feelings. And last night, I wanted to find out if you still had anything for me." The light seemed to flash faster, there were only seconds left.

He stepped up, taking his ex's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. My number should be in your call log, so just give me a ring or a text when you're off." He said, the door opening as a bouncer checked in, forcing Shiro to let go. "Later Aki." He said warmly before he turned to leave, not wanting to be kicked out.

Akira looked genuinely shocked when the other stated that he understood. He had never in the give years they were apart thought his ex would understand that he ditched him to essentially get famous. This, he found, made him feel even worse than he had telling the other why. He wouldn't express this though, he would stay quite about it. If for some reason Shiro did understand let him.

He gave a small a smile when the other said he let himself fall into the music. The man he knew had always been there, inside the music. He had loved to dance to that music, still did, but it was much more fun when it was just them in a dance studio. Akira was happy the man finally got there for himself.

Akira stopped himself when he told him to keep the bands. He understood the first one, he had to laugh at the second. "You know, normal people just ask." He said. His heart slipped a beat when the other grabbed his hand. So when the bouncer came in and Shiro let go he seemed to spur into action. By the time he manned to get his body to follow suit with his heart Shiro had left the room, so he ran after him, "Shiro!" He called after the man, grabbing his hand and tugging on him slightly, to get him to turn around. The moment the other did he leaned up and kissed him. "I get off at 3." He whispered against the others lips.

In reality he was sure the other didn't hear him, but he didn't care, he would call. Well, probably text. He stepped away from the other, a small flush on his cheeks. "Sleep, okay?" He called over the music, "we can meet for breakfast. You remember the diner right? The one we used to go to?" He tried, "I'll message the time when I leave work."

The moment of shock made Shiro realise how idiotic his choice of words had been. Understanding that he'd been ditched because someone else thought he wouldn't get anywhere was beyond what others could probably comprehend. Yet it had been said, and it was too late to take back now. There was only one thing to do and that was move forward, the past should remain where it was, behind them.

Hearing the laugh, Shiro knew that Akira would find him humorous. He'd always been bad at expressing himself without doing it through song and music. The two sweatbands were perfect proof of that. And as he had left the room, he suddenly felt his hand tugged back, making him spin around, enough to see Akira leaning up, into a kiss. He couldn't help himself when their lips met, returning it as he heard the whisper.

The sparks were back. The butterflies in the pit of his stomach. A blush playing over his cheeks. Why did his knees have to feel weak now? He knew he could hold himself together as he listened nodding, giving his warm smile. "Alright, we'll meet for breakfast at the diner." He replied over the music, it was the best they could do for now and it would at least give them a purpose. He felt like he had a purpose at least, outside the band. He wanted to fully win back his ex, to fire up what they had together and rebuild everything.

It was time for him to leave though, as he noticed the attention they slowly gathered, he lifted his hand in a quick wave. "Later. I should get going." He said, this time knowing he had to head out as Akira still had customers waiting on him. And he knew that in this place, as with many other businesses, time was money. It was more literal here. But he had something to look forward to, his heart churning as he had a smile on his lips when he got out, finding a taxi to head back to the hotel, his phone in his hand the entire time, he didn't want to risk missing the text accidentally. Although he hoped the night wouldn't bring any bad with it for either of them.

Akira really shouldn't have kissed him. Not only did he crave more of it now, he had drawn attention from not only the patrons but the employees. He turned his gaze to the floor and nodded when the other said they could meet for breakfast. He smiled lightly and waved at Shiro as he left and watched him leave before he went back to his job. Oddly enough his heart was more in it with the customers almost fully enjoying himself as he danced for them.

Once he finished with work he texted Shiro. He wasn't sure what time he was going to wake up, but he should be there at around 8. He hesitated before sending the text but at the end of his struggle he sent stating 8 at the diner. With that he headed home and fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. He dreamt that night for the first time in years about Shiro, about being happy.

When he woke up he had roughly 30 minutes to get ready and get to the diner. He was going to be late and he knew it. He sighed before he pulled on a light summer dress, curling is hair lightly at the ends before heading out. He stopped and checked himself before heading out and was at the diner almost 15 minutes late. He looked around trying to find Shiro. He hadn't even thought to call or text the man to tell him he was running late.

Once again his heart was pounding in his chest and the butterflies were flying again. He had to laugh at himself, it wasn't like he hadn't been on a first date before...and with this man in particular. It also wasn't like this was a date. He took a deep breath and tried to shove down the butterflies again. He scanned the diner again and when he spotted his old lover he headed over. "Hey." He whispered and moved to sit in front of the other, "so...um...how are you?" He asked.

Shiro aimlessly wandered his hotel room that night. He couldn't really find a place or a moment to relax. The memory of the kiss they shared fresh on his mind and the taste of Akira's lips on his own. Something he couldn't help but crave more of. And he knew he had to wait for their breakfast meeting the next day. It took him almost a full hour before he laid down on the bed, not bothering with undressing as he drifted off to sleep.

He.had left his phone on the nightstand by the bed, and he didn't react to the text popping in. Yet he woke up fairly early, about two hours before he had to be there and saw the text. Smiling, he replied that would make sure to be there at 8. Then he went to get his shower done, finally having a reason to fully clean himself and get ready. And when he came back out, he opted for a fairly new set of clothes. A brand new dark red t-shirt with the band logo on and a pair of jeans. He wanted to look casual and not stand out, yet his hair would easily contrast the color of the shirt as he decided to head out in good time.

And he was there as he meant to, fifteen minutes early. He made sure to get a table where he could have his back to the door, wanting to be surprised when Akira arrived. Then he got himself a cup of coffee to get a boost of energy, and to at least look a bit fresher as he felt his heart pounding in his chest. He wanted to make sure he looked as fresh as he could.

Then suddenly, the door opened. Fifteen minutes late. Shiro had turned his head all the time, and finally he saw his ex, in a cute summer dress, making him smile. It was nice to see him like that. And it made him feel warm. "Hey." He replied as Akira sat down across from him. It was a bit of a neutral opening between them, but he had to admit he was relieved as he waved for the waitress to bring them menus. "Much better now that you're here." He admitted. It felt right to say it like that. "Although I was starting to get nervous, until I remembered how you liked to make me wait after class." He gave a soft grin.

He had been forgotten a lot of times, or delayed. Akira sometimes forgot group projects and had arranged that they'd walk home together the same day. Not that Shiro minded, it didn't change his feelings as he only found it cute when they later made up and shrugged it off together. He hoped it would be the same this time, as he didn't want anything bad to be between them. "I hope you didn't get into trouble over me last night." He added, thinking back to their rather public display at the club where Akira worked.

Akira winced when the other mentioned he was starting to get worried that he wasn't going to come, "I really haven't gotten a lot better about that." he blushed, "I swear...I just, with my job and all, it's hard to get up in the morning sometimes. I guess I kind of forgot to set my alarm. Then I decided to look like this today...and yeah, I'm a mess." he chuckled. He had hated every time he was late or even forgot that he had something that caused him to put Shiro second. It wasn't like he meant to do things like that, but he had to admit he didn't it rather often and it sadly made breaking up with Shiro and leaving him behind a lot easier. His smile faded a little bit as he thought about it and wondered how it really made Shiro feel even if they did make up.

"Hmm?" he started and took a glance at the menu, he already knew what he wanted but always liked to check before if they had anything new. "Oh, no. Trust me a lot worse than a kiss has happened there before. So me running after a guest to give him a kiss was nothing too crazy. Though some of the girls and regulars gave me shit for kissing you." he said, blushing. "It's just friendly banter though." he bit his lip and glanced up to the waitress when she came back to get their orders and ordered his. Waffles and a side of fruit with some apple juice. A simple but great breakfast in his opinion. He handed her back the menu and then looked over to his ex. He couldn't believe they were back here. It was just like back then.

"Um, about that kiss last night..." he started out, "I- I don't really know what came over me. I probably shouldn't have done that." he said, looking down at the table, fiddling with the fork that had been left their for him. "N-not that I didn't like it! I just- I mean...you probably hate me after everything and I know you said you understood, but I can't believe that you would forgive me for something like that." he said as he bit his lip again, he loved being here with Shiro, but at the same time it felt strange. He shouldn't be here, he should be doing his best to get out of that stupid strip club.

Shiro couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. Akira hadn't changed, and it made him enjoy it a bit more. It felt nice to be a bit back to the old times they've had with going to the diner for lunch or breakfast. "You were always a bit of a mess, but you were the cutest mess I've ever seen." He teased softly as the menus were placed on the table by them. He didn't know it helped with breaking up with him, but at the same time, Shiro didn't care anymore, he wanted to enjoy the morning and breakfast with his ex and just try to find a way to talk out what had happened between them.

He peered through the menu, it was pretty much the same as it had been five years ago. "I'm glad it wasn't anything more." He said, looking to the waitress as she returned. He let Akira order first before Shiro ordered pancakes with a side of bacon. He knew he needed something a bit on the greasy side to deal with the past few days increased alcohol consumption. And then his focus shifted back to Akira, seeing him fiddle with the fork and try to explain the kiss away and everything that happened. Shiro bit his lower lip for a moment before he moved his hand across the table, on top of Akira's, stopping him from fiddling with the fork.

"I'm glad you kissed me." He said softly. "In the room, I thought I was going to break the chair if there'd been more time." He admitted softly, a smile on his face as his thumb gently caressed the other's hand. "I said I understood, but I don't know if I'll ever truly understand all that happened." He added, even if he felt bad for saying it like that. But he had no choice, he wanted to make it better, wanted there to be something between them again. "I can't find it anywhere in me to hate you." He added as well, leaning forward a bit.

He looked out the window for a moment, as if thinking about what to say, or how to say something. Shiro knew he had to admit it, and it seemed like forever, while it was only a few seconds. His heart pounding in his chest, in his mind it was the same as a confession. "Last night, at the end of your show when you went around and they all..." He trailed off for a moment, not sure if he could finish it as he looked up to catch Akira's eyes. "I was jealous. I wanted to grab you and pull you away." He admitted, his eyes showing his honesty.

Akira gave an apologetic smile when he stated his was the cutest mess he had ever seen. He was glad the other seemed to think so. He had always wondered how Shiro managed to put up with him for the time they were together. He looked to his hand as Shiro's was put on top of his. He felt his heart skip a beat and slowly moved his hand to be in his lap. All this touching was driving him crazy. He wanted to do a lot more than just touch hands. Then the other stated he was happy that he kissed him. Akira blushed when he started he thought he was going to break the chair, "Well, the bouncers might have come in before that." he said, his imagination figuring they both would have been a little responsible for breaking the chair.

What was said next he found himself rather shocked. He didn't think that Shiro would answer like that. After all, what he had done...for the reasons he had, they were awful. He was sure he would never had forgiven someone if they did that. Hell, he still hadn't forgiven Susan. What came out of Shiro next though he looked up and stared. He was jealous? Of Akira...no, of the men that got to touch them the way they did. He looked away when Shiro admitted it. "I- I mean...it's the only job available for someone like me, right now. I don't exactly fit the male roles in many ballets and female roles, I mean, I can fit those but they are a bit more...well, I just rather not do that to get a job." he explained as he carefully danced around what he would have had to do.

"You don't need to be jealous though. It's not like I like it or anything. Plus they just wanna look. All they do it look. I don't touch them or anything." he tried to explain. "I'm still waiting for my big break. Don't think I'm ever going to get it now though. Not where I work and auditions are just becoming harder to come by because of work hours." he continued on before waving his hand in front of his face and scrunching up his nose, "I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

Shiro seemed to have the same sense of humor that Akira had, chuckling about her comment on them both being responsible for the broke chair if it'd come to that. Fortunately it hadn't, or he'd probably been kicked over it. The conversation moved on to Akira's job, and the jealousy Shiro had felt the previous night. "I know. I've been to clubs like that before." He admitted. The band had gone together a few times, it just wasn't enough for the musician, he craved more than just the tease of what was underneath. He craved the intimacy of another person, more specifically the one right across from him at the table.

He wanted to say the right thing, do the right thing as well. But it was hard. There was one solution to it all, but they couldn't live off of that way out. It had to be one where they could both remain together without risking ending up homeless on the street. "I'm glad you think of it that way. I don't know if I could handle hearing that you enjoyed all sorts of men staring at you." He couldn't help but put on a lightly teasing smile, obviously trying to lighten the mood as the smell of their breakfast was starting to spread from the kitchen.

Shiro couldn't help the light growl in his stomach, he hadn't had any decent food for almost a day as he looked towards the smell for a moment before looking back. "One day you'll get your break and move up." He said, giving Akira's hand a gentle squeeze. "I want to be there when you make it big, so don't keep me in the dark either." He gave a warm smile, finally having realised that in order to fully move on, he didn't need to forget the past. He could forgive what had happened between them, and focus on rebuilding what they had lost since then. And he wanted badly for them to get back together.

Akira chuckled a bit when the other admitted to going to clubs like that before. "Oh? Have you now? And here I thought I was your first." he teased the other right back and smirked when Shiro said he wasn't sure how he would take it if he had said he liked men looking at him. "Well, I mean, I can't say I don't like them looking at me. Just...I prefer a more one on one...and you know, not having money shoved down inappropriate underwear." he shrugged as he thought about it a little bit.

He shook his head slightly, "honestly...I've kind of given up on it." he gave a small smile and glanced at his hand. "I just don't have the right connections. And trust me talent scouts don't exactly come looking for the good stuff in strip clubs. Well, they do come looking...but it's only for the desperate ones. They figure they can get a decent lay out of it and the other person is given a tiny ass role in some stupid play." he complained sighing a bit before looking over to Shiro. "I'm sorry, that's a bit cynical of me. It just feels like that's the case right now. Anyway...what have you been up to other than wooing the hearts of those poor unknowing girls? I'm sure you have someone special by now, don't you?" he asked.

However, the more he thought that through the more he realized that was a really stupid question. If the other had had someone, he wouldn't have come to see Akira, right? Surely not...he hoped, or else that lap dance became only that much more embarrassing. He bit his lip and glanced towards the waitress as she brought their food out and placed it in front of them. As he dug into the waffles he thought about what he had done at the club. My god, that would only have made the kiss worse, but the other didn't seem upset about it. Surely, he didn't have anyone...right?

"That was with the band for celebrations. I never went for a lapdance before the one I bought last night." Shiro grinned, shaking his head lightly. It was fun to joke around a bit and just have a laugh. Although he was surprised that Akira had no connection to the business he wanted to get into. He wanted to help his ex, and hopefully he would be able to find a way for it to work out for them both. "It's not over yet. You still have one connection in a world where dancers are needed." He explained softly.

Then came the question on what he'd been up to since then. And of course his dating life. Something he didn't know if he wanted to talk too much about. He looked away, wondering how to explain it all. "Since then? Well, when we started taking off, I tried to get back into the whole dating thing." He began. "My manager tried setting me up with both girls and other guys, but every time it was just a few days and then it fell apart. I couldn't attach myself to the idea of getting close to them." He explained. "And of course there was the occassional crazy fan who found us while we were celebrating. Not that I remember much of those nights." He felt his cheeks heating up as he spoke, as if he was admitting to cheating even though they weren't in a relationship.

The waitress interrupted him by bringing their food to them as he let go of Akira's hand to lean back and give her space. The smell was delicious, although he was hungry. So he went right into the food, going for the bacon first as he looked over at Akira softly at times. It took a bit before he stopped, putting his fork down. "I didn't really answer your question. I want to see someone, but I need to find out if he wants to see me as well." He couldn't help but hope his ex would the hint. There was only one person who really interested him.

Akira listened to what Shiro had to say. He was a bit surprised he had never had a lap dance before, but that would explain how stiff he was when he came into the room. Akira blushed at his own thinking, he had meant how tense the other was, but of course his mind switched to what he had felt when he sat down on the man's lap that night. And when the other said he still had one connection to that world he looked down, he didn't want to count someone he had lost contact with and had broken up with as a contact, but if Shiro was willing...

"Ah." he said, picking at his waffle a bit when the other told him he had tried to get back into dating and slept with fans...well, maybe slept with fans. He couldn't really blame the other and he wouldn't ever think that he had cheated. After all, Akira had done the same thing and he remembered the clients he had slept with or the other dancers he had slept with. So he couldn't blame the other at all. He moved to eating in silence after that until the other spoke about wanting to see someone but wasn't sure if the guy wanted to see him.

He frowned a little bit, of course he had someone in mind. He switched the frown to a smile and then looked up to Aton, "What's he like?" he asked, not getting the hint at all that it was him. "I'm sure he'd want to see you as well. You are a great guy after all, anyone would be lucky to have your attention." he said, mostly being polite and doing his best to hide the malice in his words.

Shiro noticed the silence, seeing Akira just picking at the waffle. Having talked about how bad his dating experience was, he felt like he had been an idiot and just blurted it out. How could he even try to explain something like that? He wanted to take it back as he ate some of his pancakes, trying to figure out what to say next after having explained that there was still someone he was interested in, someone he hoped would still like him.

The frown was easy to spot, and Shiro soon realised the hint hadn't been obvious enough while he heard the reply, noticing how his ex wanted to be polite and try not to let it dig in. He took another bite from the pancakes to eat while trying to word everything properly in his mind, unfortunately, he wasn't sure if it ever would come out without sounding like an idiot. He took a sip of his drink and a deep breath before he even dared to say anything about it.

"I hope he'll want to see me as well." He said, looking towards the window. "Because he's sweet and caring. He already knows me pretty well." He began, hoping that somewhere in his explanation, Akira would realise just who he was talking about. "He has a cute sense of style. And of course, he's shorter than me." He added, turning his head back to look into Akira's eyes, if he could catch them. He didn't know how to really describe Akira's eyes, but he would at least try. "I can drown myself in his eyes and his looks. And there's nothing I'd love more than to show him all the ideas I have for new songs to watch him dance and hear his feedback on them." He added, figuring if it wasn't obvious by then, he would have to state the name of the one he wanted, even if the man sat right across from him.

Someone he knew? Well it had been five years, perhaps it was someone in the band. It could have been loads of people for all Akira knew. As he listened to the rest about this mysterious man he tried harder and harder to keep the look of annoyance and disgust off his face. Though he did refuse to look at the other even once during his little speech. The last straw though was when Shiro stated he wanted this person to dance for him. He stabbed his waffle with the fork he had in hand and turned his gaze on Shiro.

"You said you'd never watch anyone dance to your songs but m..." he trailed off slowly as he thought about his sentence and saw Shiro's eyes. "God you're a fucking dumbass." he murmured, shaking his head a little bit. "Really, out of all the ways to describe me I get cute and short?" he huffed and crossed his arms a bit playfully. "Not even me being cute. My outfit got complimented." he shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Five years of wanting to see me, I assume, and that's the best you could come up with?" he sighed, "How I fell in love with you in the first place is beyond me." he chuckled and went back to eating.

"For your information..." he said after a little bit of silence, "The guy you're talking about...tries really very hard not to kiss exes that he doesn't want see. Much less invite them out for breakfast. That's just masochistic....and though he doesn't mind a little bit of pain, it's sexual not emotional." he said, taking a bite of his waffle before moving onto the fruit. "So, you going to ask him out or what?" he asked, glancing up to Shiro almost daring him to be clueless.