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RP: Glee/The Flash: New Beginnings (greenandgold x Dairypie)

"Sorry," Sebastian apologized softly, kissing Blaine's lips. "Didn't mean to check out on you. I'm okay. I was just reminding myself of something important that I need to do in a few weeks, is all. I promise not to check out again on you tonight.." He said, and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, holding him close. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you or anything, did I?" The young man's hands gently searched and felt all over Blaine's body, looking for any possible injuries that he might have given his partner while he had gotten lost inside his thoughts. "I love you," He whispered to his lover.

Holding Blaine close was the best thing in the world to him. Surprisingly enough, yes, it was even better than sex. Usually he hated anything that was emotional with the exception of his boyfriend, but lately, he had started to enjoy the time they spent together after sex, curled in each other's arms. The sound of his partner's heart usually allowed him to settle down and
fall into a relaxed sleep, knowing that the other man was close by and safe. "I'm glad that you decided to give me a chance all those months ago. If you hadn't seen past my asshole exterior, then we wouldn't have this with each other, and I'd hate that."

"Now that I have you in my life as my partner, I can't imagine my life any other way.." Sebastian told him, and then made a face a few moments later. "You're becoming too much of an influence on me. I'm turning into a romantic just like you are. What do you have to say for yourself?" He asked, only pretending to be angry, as he kissed Blaine's lips.
 
"I know it happens sometimes. i just worry when i loose you like that, you are going to push me away, like in the beginning." he whispered back, curling closer to Sebastian. He still remembered when they first started being together, Sebastian just got up and left to shower for hours when it got too emotional for him. Blaine was so worried he was never going to come out of there. He placed his hands over his, interlocking their fingers. "You didn't hurt me, not anymore then we play the rougher games" he said shrugging. "I don't mind it and besides i don't even think there will be any bruises" Blaine teased, in mock disappointment.

Blaine held Sebastian close. He loved feeling his body pressed against his. It was so soothing. He shifted to look into his face as he began speaking about the night they decided to try again. He smiled slightly, reaching up to touch his cheek. He had a witty retort but he saved it. Instead, he decided to swallow it and let him keep talking. He didn't want to ruin this moment. He felt his heart swell at the small confession. He squeezed him tightly. He turned the kiss deeply, taking his time to express show much that meant to him. "I think its a good thing" he murmured. "I can't imagine not waking up beside you" Blaine had known for awhile after living with Sebastian, he probably was going to be happy here forever. It all depended on Sebastian and if he could be open up just a little bit more, Blaine would be happy to stay forever, marriage or not.
 
"I don't want to lie to you. I never have before and I don't plan to start now. At this point, I'm not ready for marriage and all the responsibilities that go along with it. I'm happy as we are, and I hope that's okay. I know that I'm getting better at talking to you about things, and that it's happening slowly. But what matters is that it's even happening in the first place. We haven't been together long, but I do love you.." He said softly. "I never want you to question that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for us to get married, but if I ever am, it would only ever be with you.."

He kissed Blaine's lips gently, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist. "You mean everything to me, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I just need time. Time to get used to this. You. Us, being together. Sometimes it doesn't feel real, now that I've gotten everything that I've wanted since I was a kid. I just ask that you don't give up on me. I'm trying here. I want to make you happy. I just don't know when or if I'll be ready for marriage. When I figure it out, you'll be the first to know. And if I can't deal with the idea of marriage, I'll let you go. Let you find someone who can give you everything you need and want and more."
 
Blaine stiffened in his arms hearing him continuing to talk. Which was a good thing for him, he was actually telling him what was going on his mind. He didn't turn to look at him. He wanted to be happy about this confession but it was more like having the conversation that ended his last relationship. It hit a little too close to home. Blaine knew in his gut that was what was going to happen when he started seeing Sebastian. He nodded slowly. "I know you love me" he said quietly, returning the little kiss but it is hesitant. His hands were tight on his skin. "I know you are trying" he murmured softly. "And I don't have a problem with that, i never have. Hell, I know how you feel about marriage and I never expected you to marry me. Never." He shook his head. "Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to hear you say it, but I know you. You're honest and why would you want to do something the heteros do." he tried to laugh but more chocked on the unshed tears. "I don't want anyone else though...."

Blaine shifted to his side, facing away from him. "I just want to get some rest, we have a long drive in the morning." he said softly. Trying really hard to not think about Kurt and that night when he ended things. It was a lot like this moment right now. And that hurt his heart so much. He closed his eyes tightly. His body tight. He let some of the tears fall from his eyes.
 
Sebastian didn't sleep at all that night. He hated knowing that he had hurt Blaine. But he had never lied to his partner before, when they were friends, and then when they had gotten together. And he never planned on lying to him, ever. Which is why the pain on the other man's face got to him. He hated knowing that he was the one causing Blaine pain now, and it
tore at his heart. It was horrible, but it couldn't be helped. He didn't want his boyfriend to expect marriage at the end of this. He didn't know what he wanted, except that he wanted
Blaine in his life.

Anything else was something that the brunette didn't know how to deal with. "My problems with marriage don't have to do with the heteros. I just don't want to ask you to marry me, and then have you get stuck in a life that makes you unhappy. I could handle it if you fell in love with someone else. I dealt with that when you were with Kurt. I hated it, but I still dealt with it, because I knew that you loved him. And that was what mattered to me. But marriage is different. It's real and I know if we get married and I did anything to screw it up, then I'd regret it
the rest of my life."

"I don't want to hurt you.." Sebastian said softly, swallowing back the bit of emotion he felt. He spent the rest of the night laying there, wishing he could take back his words from last night. The last thing he had wanted to do was hurt Blaine, which is why he kept most of his feelings and emotions to himself. That old saying was true. The truth hurts. And most of the time it did more than just wound. Sometimes it killed amazing things. He was afraid that he had just killed his and Blaine's relationship. When the sun came up the following morning, he was silent as
he made breakfast for everyone and packed the car.
 
This was the first night they spent not embraced. Blaine noticed how Sebastian didn't sleep much, because his evening was also restless. He kept wanting to curl into him but it didn't feel right. He awoke in the morning to an empty bed. He showered and dressed. He reached the bottom of the stairs smelling his favorite breakfast. "Morning" he said quietly. He poured himself his a cup of coffee. He couldn't look his boyfriend in the eyes. He settled at the table, looking through his phone. He knew they should talk about last night, but nothing came out of his lips. He sipped his coffee letting them stay in silence a bit longer. "Sebastian.." he said finally, but that was when Barry walked in dressed and ready to go.

"Good morning" he began happily, but noticing their tension, calmed his excitement sitting at the table. "Thanks for the breakfast." He looked between the two of them. "If you guys dob't really want to come to Central city, it can wait." He said carefully. He took a cup of coffee, taking a long drink. He didn't press into their personally life, but he left the option for them to bail. "I can just call a cab and take the train home, its really not a problem." Barry shifted a little bit, clearly anxious the tension was because of his arrival into their lives.
 
"We're not backing out. We're still going to Central City," Sebastian said softly, in reply to Barry's words. "And you don't need to take the train. I said that I was going to drive, and I'm still going to." He excused himself and went to make sure that they had everything that they would need, packed and ready to go. Once the car was loaded and the young man had made sure
that everything in the house was turned off and secure, the three of them got into the car and started the 6 hour drive to Central City. He was pretty quiet for the first hour of the drive, not sure what to say.

During the second hour, he decided to try and make conversation with Barry. "So, tell us, what's Central City's main attraction? What about living in that city makes you like it so much? Do you have a favorite place to go, like a museum or landmark of some kind?" As he spoke, Sebastian hoped that he could get rid of some of the tension between himself and Blaine, by reaching out for one of his boyfriend's hands, hoping to hold it as he continued to drive. It was a way for the two of them to feel close to each other right now, since they weren't really in a position to discuss their relationship problems.
 
The car ride, was going to go onto the list of the most awkward things Barry has ever been witness too in his entire life. It was silent and tense. He kind of wish he didn't ride with them. He knew they weren't able to talk because of him and that just made it worse. Also, he was just not patient enough anymore for a 6 hour car ride when he could be home by now. He looked from the window when Sebastian started asking him to talk about Central City. "The pier is really cool, people seem to enjoy that. But the public park is amazing. There are gardens and things to do. In the winter there is ice skating. I love it at the park. It just so peaceful and different compared to the rest of the city. There are some museums I like, it depends on what kind of things you guys like to do. There is a bit of everything. The city is just home to me, I went away for college but I missed being in the city, but not the craziness of a bigger city." He said rambling on and he talked like that for awhile, telling them about his favorite spots and about STAR Labs. He just kept going, filling the silence with his voice, easing some tension,

Blaine glanced over to see Sebastian's offered hand to him. He could tell from the set of his jaw, he was nervous. He was worried about last night. Blaine carefully took his hand squeezing it gently, to reassure him that he wasn't leaving not now, not ever.
 
By the time they reached Central City six hours later, Sebastian was in need of sleep. Or at least a nap. He asked Barry for directions on how to get to the house they had rented, and then suggested that they all get some rest. "I'll call you in two hours and we can meet up somewhere?" The young man suggested to his brother, once he and Blaine had brought their bags into
the bedroom and had returned to the living room to speak with Barry for a few more minutes. "I'm thinking a nap and a little time apart and out of a small space would do all of us some
good."

"What do you guys think? This way if you want to check in with your family, you can do that.." He said to his brother. And half an hour later after getting an agreement from both men, Sebastian walked Barry to the door and promised to call him in a few hours. When his brother was gone, he locked the door and walked back over to Blaine. "Why don't we sleep for an
hour, and then when we get up we can talk?" He suggested, knowing that they shouldn't put off talking for much longer. But also knowing that they could each use a nap right about
now.
 
Barry nodded at the offer. "No please, take your time. " he said firmly. "Rest , relax, whenever you are ready to meet up we can. No rush. It was a long drive. I have a few things to take care of at the lab, so take your time." Barry said calmly. He looked his brother over. "it's not my intention to cause strain on your relationship so please, take the time you need." Barry smiled a little. "We will plan on coffee though, that's always a good place to start." Barry waved at him, before leaving their rental house, taking His things with him.

Blaine was silently unpacking in the bedroom when Sebastian came back to him. He looked up, holding a shirt in his hands. He was exshausted and Sebastian looked exshausted. "Are you going to be able to rest if we wait to have this talk?" He asked calmly, looking form him back to the shirt, which he then put away. When he agreed he would be fine, he got into the bed with him. Blaine hesitated but soon worked his way into his arms. He didn't want to be apart anymore today. Even without talking he knew that. He also knew Sebastian could push his advances away and he would be okay if that was true.
 
Sebastian didn't bother speaking. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around Blaine, holding his boyfriend close, and kissing his lips gently. He moved one hand to rest over the other man's heart. Just feeling it beating and feeling himself relax. "I love you," The young man said a little while later. They had been laying there in each other's arms for an hour, just taking this time
to be calm and together. "We should get in that small nap. We have an hour left before we're due to meet Barry. Are you okay?" He asked softly, hugging the other man close in his arms.

The brunette laid there in silence after he spoke, and waited to see what Blaine was going to say. One of his hands moved up the other man's body and gently traced the skin of his cheek, just enjoying the feel of his lover's skin beneath his fingers. "We don't have to talk if you're not ready. Just let me know when you are, and we will." Sebastian dipped his head so that their lips met in a gentle kiss. He held the kiss for several minutes before releasing it. "Rest now. We have plenty of time to talk tonight. Promise."
 
Blaine was able to relax when Sebastian welcomed the embrace and held him. Blaine finally felt himself relax a little bit. He had missed this so much. He nodded. "I love you too." He reassured quietly. Blaine just kept his head against his chest, listening to his heart beat. His eyes closed. But he didn't sleep, he just relaxed into him. Blaine looked up when he mentioned they should actually nap. He was really beginning to feel tired. "I'm not mad at you" he said softly, but he didn't feel like continuing. He didn't want to ruin the moment.

Blaine smiled a little feeling his hand on his cheek. He looked up to him. "Lets jut talk tonight, jut enjoy the rest of our day here with your brother. We can always come back to it. I missed you too much today." He murmured softly, returning the kiss. That was what Blaine needed, a long kiss and to hold him close. "As long as you rest too." He murmured. It didn't take Blaine long to fall asleep in the embrace of his arms. The long day weighing heavily on him now.
 
After pressing one more kiss to his lover's lips, Sebastian was happy to close his eyes and give into the exhaustion that had been wanting to pull him under for a few hours now. The trip had felt longer than it actually was, especially with things tense between himself and Blaine. He never wanted to feel that distance between himself and the other man again, and vowed to himself to try to do better, to be better, for Blaine. His boyfriend meant more to him than anyone or anything else and he surely didn't want to screw things up between them. It wasn't long before he finally felt himself drifting off to sleep.

Sometime later, he awoke, feeling a bit better than he had a few hours ago. Sure, he was still a little tired, but that was okay. The young man glanced at his cell phone and saw that it was going to go off in another minute. He grabbed his cell phone and turned off the alarm, and set his phone back down on the bedside table. A few moments later, Sebastian turned his body, so that he could kiss Blaine awake. "Time to wake up, babe.."
 
Blaine groaned a little bit feeling the light kisses being pressed to his lips and Sebastian's sweet voice calling to him. He sighed. "Five more minutes" he said shifting slightly to try and go back to sleep but not avail. He sighs, feeling Sebastian not give up and starting to kiss him again. He finally caves and opens his eyes to look at him. Sebastian still looks just as tired as he did, but they were okay. Everything was going to be okay. "Hi" he said softly, rubbing his eyes. "Time to go see your overtly enthusiastic brother?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He sat up in the bed rubbing his hair, still trying to wake up. It took awhile for Blaine to be functioning again enough to leave. There was no real rush though, it was just meeting for coffee or something like that.

Blaine held Sebastian's hand as they walked into the rather large coffee shop. Barry was waiting for them. He smiled coming up to them. "A few of my friends wanted to meet you. if that ]'s okay, if not i can tell them to leave. And My surrogate family couldn't make it though, he had a case and she was working on a story. But we have family dinner in a few days and you are both invited." he said slowly, making sure everything was alright. "Do you guys want coffee or anything?" He asked, letting them take a chance to or
 
Sebastian smiled when Blaine finally woke at his kisses and opened his eyes. He chuckled at his boyfriend's description of his brother. "That works as well as anything to describe Barry. He's like a kid, or a puppy, with some kind of endless energy. Wish I had some of that. It would go a long way towards making mornings, or waking up in general, a lot easier. Thankfully we're going to meet Barry for coffee, so once we drink that, we'll be more functional. Though I'm not too sure it's a good idea for him to have coffee, given what I assume is his usual hyper state."

He chuckled softly, and then stretched twice, and then got up and left the bed. Once they had both gotten up, slipped their shoes back on and grabbed their wallets, Sebastian kissed Blaine, and the two locked up and left, heading for the coffee shop. They held hands as they walked, and found Barry, shortly upon entering the coffee shop. "It's fine," He said and nodded at his brother, once the other man had come up to them and said that his friend's wanted to meet them. He pulled out a chair for Blaine to sit, and once his boyfriend had, pulled out a chair for himself, and sat beside Barry at the table.

"We'd love to join you all for the family dinner. Just let us know what day and what time.." He said softly. "I'll take the coffee orders," Sebastian offered, and he got the list of what everyone wanted, before excusing himself and going to the counter to place the drink orders and pay.
 
Barry grinned when they agreed to meet his friends. He pulled out his phone and sent a few texts. "They'll meet us here in a little bit, they had a project to finish up" he replied. He sat down a the table. "I was checking the city to see if there is anything going on tonight in the city. But it all depends on what you guys are feeling like doing." Barry tried to smile, and make the mood lighter. He jumped to his feet seeing his friends come through the door, just as Sebastian was returning to the table with their coffees. His friends walked over. "Sebastian, and Blaine, these are my best friends Cisco Ramon and Doctor Caitlin Snow" He said introducing them. "This is my twin brother and his boyfriend" It was only until this very moment, Barry realized how this could become very awkward, very quickly.

Blaine smiled reaching out to shake their hands. "Its very good to meet you both. We really appreciate you guys being so open about meeting us. We're very excited to explore Central City." he began. "Please sit." Blaine was good at breaking the weird silences. The two sat at the table. "You guys work with Barry?" And from there is got easier and easier to talk. Adding Barry's friends to the mix helped to disfuse any tension between the brothers. They took turns sharing stories back and forth and it was nice. Blaine had missed having other people his age to talk to. They didn't have too many friends back home and it was nice to just relax and have fun.
 
"It's nice to meet you," Sebastian said softly, once he had carefully set down the drinks on the table. He motioned to Cisco and Caitlin, asking what they would like to drink, and then excused himself once more to get their drinks. Paying and returning to the table, handing the drinks over and then watching with a smile as Blaine and Barry talked. He was happy to stay quiet for a little while, watching everyone interact and just enjoying this time, and being able to meet some of his brother's friends. After a while, they started to ask him and Blaine some questions.

About themselves, and about their relationship. The young man was happy to let Blaine do most of the talking, enjoying seeing this side of his boyfriend. They had a few close friend's back in Ohio, but it was mainly the Warbler's from Dalton, as Blaine hadn't kept in contact with any of his old McKinley friend's once things had been called off between him and Kurt. They asked a few questions about him, and Sebastian answered, talking about his job, and about his and Blaine's life together, and then asking some questions of his own about them.
 
Everyone seemed to be having fun. Barry could help but smile as it seemed to be working well. They all got along pretty well, despite their vast differences, the two very different worlds seemed to mesh very well. Then they seemed to work their way back to the topic of how Barry became friends with Cisco and Caitlin, which lead to some nervous laughter. They talked about the particle accelerator and explosion and how they helped him while he was in a coma. When Blaine tried to ask more in depth questions about 'science emergencies', Barry received very intense stares from both of his friends. He just shrugged. They went along with it though. Barry was about to suggest maybe they go out for dinner and maybe to their favorite bar, when Cisco's phone began to buzz.

"Looks like another one of those science emergencies" Cisco said getting to his feet. "I really should go handle this, and Barry, I really think I will need your expertise" He said firmly showing him the phone screen.

Barry frowned, looking it over. "Right, that usually is something I handle." He looked back to Blaine and Sebastian. "I really hate to do this, but I have got to go. We might be done fairly quick but you never know. Is that alright? I know you guys are my guests and I usually don't bail like this. I just...really got to make sure this experiment doesn't get totally ruined. I don't usually do this."

Blaine looked to Sebastian. "I mean if it can't be helped, we totally understand, sometimes work calls." he said slowly, watching his partner to see how he would react to this. "We are bound to be able to keep ourselves entertained in the city for the evening, right Sebastian?"
 
"Right. So don't worry about it. We'll spend time together another day," Sebastian told the others, and motioned for them to go ahead and take care of whatever they needed to take
care of. Once the others had left, he took Blaine's hand and the two of them left the coffee shop, walking out the door and heading out into the night. "What are you in the mood for
for dinner?" The brunette asked as they walked around the small city for a little while. They took in the tall buildings, tons of people, and just enjoyed the quiet breeze of the night.

The stars in the sky were clear and easy to see here, which was something he enjoyed but had never told anyone about, even Blaine. He didn't usually spend much time outside at
night, so it didn't usually matter that the young man hadn't really had a chance to just enjoy the stars. And now he could do that, and with Blaine. Silence fell between them as they
walked, and that was fine by him. Sebastian had his boyfriend's hand in his own and they were just enjoying each other's presence in a new setting. It was... nice. Well, maybe nice
wasn't the word.
 
Blaine linked their fingers together and swung their hands back and forth a little bit. "Why don't we just find a place that looks cute and eat there?" he suggested, admiring the city. He had never been here before unlike Sebastian. He was appreciative to be able to fully enjoy the surroundings. It was so beautiful out in the city. Even though it was a big city, it felt calm. It was perfect. It was so different from New York and he liked that difference. He could get used to visiting here. They ended up eating at a small french bistro with amazing food. It was just a nice way to start a two week vacation with his partner.

They ended up settling in a small park on a bench to enjoy the city. Blaine leaned his head on the other man's shoulder. "Barry's friends seem nice, a little bit odd." he said slowly. "What did you think? Are you doing alright? You didn't speak much at all today." He offered quietly, running his fingers over his. He kept their hands tightly linked together. He had a feeling Sebastian's mind had been other places while they were still at the coffee shop. Blaine knew that this was probably when they had to talk about last night.
 
"That would be fine," Sebastian said softly, when Blaine suggested that they find a cute place and then eat there. It was nice to just watch his boyfriend marvel at the city and enjoy a new place as they explored it. He made a mental note to take the other man to other cities and places, maybe a real vacation for the two of them soon. This was mainly about them getting to
know his brother. But he promised both himself and Blaine that they would do a real vacation soon. Before long they were seated at some french bistro and enjoying their dinner together.
It was nice to be able to treat the other man to special dinner.

He nodded when Blaine mentioned Barry and his friends. "Odd being the operative word. But it's probably just because we don't know them that well yet. I'm sure there's a good reason why they bailed. And maybe they will eventually tell us." It was strange to hear himself being so outspoken and optimistic. Usually he was the more quieter of them two of them, but maybe it was just a good time for the two of them to be trying out new things and new forms of behavior. "I don't know what to think. They all seem pretty nice. Maybe a little too nice, if you now what I mean."

"As for me, I'm okay. You don't have to worry. It's just taking some getting used to, knowing that I have a brother, you know? I've been so used to being alone for so long, until you and I finally got together, and then you became my family. So it's just taking me some time to adjust to letting other people, them, in." Sebastian fell silent after speaking as they continued to
eat their dinner. "I didn't have much to say, and I was just enjoying listening to you and them talking and getting to know each other, is all."
 
Blaine couldn't help but smile a little bit as Sebastian spoke optimistically about the visit they just had with Barry's friends. It was a nice and welcomed change. It helped me see that he was trying to be more open with Blaine and he had never been happier to see that from him. A smile spread across his lips. "Barry seems like he's hiding something too, but I guess that will all come out once they get to know us better we'll find out?" he asked shrugging. He sighed a little bit eating more dinner. "Maybe they are just as wary about meeting you as you were about meeting Barry."

Blaine listened as he began to open up just a little bit more letting him in. Blaine reached forward and placed a hand over his. "I'm really proud of you" he whispered reassuringly. "I know its hard for you to do this, but it makes me really happy to make new friends. I've been feeling a bit lonely. Not that you aren't bad company. I just miss having other people to talk to. And the warblers and more your friends then mine." He shook his head a little bit. "I'm really glad you let me come on this trip with you." Blaine released his hand and pulled back. "We should talk about last night"
 
"I'm glad that you came with me, too." Sebastian said softly. The smile he had been wearing left his lips when Blaine mentioned that they should talk about last night. "We don't have to do that. We were having such a good time, there's no reason to go and ruin it, by bringing up my jackass behavior.." He really didn't want to argue or fight with Blaine. They had enjoyed a nice day together and the young man was afraid that this conversation that was coming, was going to take away from the amazing day they had had together. A soft sigh left his lips and then he prepared to delve into a topic that should probably be left alone.

"I don't know how to start this," He admitted and shrugged. Blaine knew that he was horrible when it came to relationship stuff. He tried his best, but he knew that 98% of the time, the things that he did and said were wrong. It didn't matter that he was trying, what mattered was actual results and making Blaine happy. And more often than not, he found himself wondering what his boyfriend saw in him besides a pretty face. For the most part, the young man kept his insecurities to himself, even from the other man. It was just how he was used to being.
 
Blaine shook his head at his comment. "It wasn't jackass behavior." He said sternly. "I don't want to ruin our evening either but unlike you I can't just ignore my feelings. You know I need to talk about them." He still held Sebastians hand firmly. "You don't need to say anything, just let.me talk okay?" His voice was soft, trying to imply he wasn't mad. "I've always accepted that fact that marriage wasn't for you, that you aren't super emotional, that we are very different. And I am okay with that. I always have been."

Blaine took a deep breath. "But yesterday hearing you actually say it out loud, it hurt me more then I expected. I didn't know I had been hoping I would be the one to shange you, change your mind. But that's not how it works and I know that. I love you for you. Whether you don't talk to me or don't want to marry me. I want to be with you everyday. I've come to terms with that and it was unfair to punish you for just being honest and trying to talk to me. Which is more important to me then a ring...and a family..." Blaine blinked away a few tears. "I picked you and I pick you everyday."
 
Sebastian released Blaine's hand that held his, and he moved both of his hands to cup his boyfriend's face. "Just because the idea of marriage scares the living hell out of me, doesn't mean that we can't have a family together. Sure, the idea of the full white picket fence crap gives me nightmares. But I never said that I didn't want to have kids. I know that I tend to be a closed mouth sonofabitch, but I'm trying. I'm not good at this emotional stuff, the talking stuff. But I like to think that I'm getting a little better at it." He stopped speaking for a few moments to gather his thoughts.

"I shouldn't have been as blunt as I usually am, when I spoke about marriage. I hurt you when I did that, and I'm sorry. I guess the truth is that I'm afraid to get married. I love being with you and I love what we have together. I'm worried that us getting married is going to screw everything up. When a couple gets married there's suddenly all this pressure to constantly please each other and to be someone you're really not. I don't want that. I want us to keep being who we are. In love with each other and honest to each other every day. I love our life together."

"And I shouldn't have immediately said no to the idea of marriage. I guess what I'm saying is, that I've changed my mind on the topic of marriage. I'm not saying no, I'm saying not right now. There's still a lot I need to work on before we get to that. And I promise to keep trying to be better at talking to you, communicating what I need, and giving you what you need."
 
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