The person above you awakens in a hospital bed and YOU say:

[Blobbles]

Congratulations, ma'am - the stylish wifi receiver headband surgery was a complete success~
Now you too can stream Spotify directly into your brain...

 

[kinkyponygirl]

Ears on my head I already have a pair but animal ears are awesome last time I heard

 

[Gina in Orange]

Don’t worry, you’re not under arrest. We just thought you’d enjoy being handcuffed to the bed.

 

[Maeva-Hoemega]

"Is FootLoose still thz greatest movie ever made?"

 

[WaveVelour]

It appears that I'll need to have a word with your nurse… Or a couple of them.

 

[Gina in Orange]

Um, they had to shave your head to fix you. Now, how do you like my new extensions?

 

[Russian Vodka]

Welcome back to the world of the living, Miss. If you are hearing soft voices in the back of your head, please do not be alarmed. Such features are part of the new Prayers Beyond surgeries. I am here to personally thank you for your commitment to testing the latest software here at Jehovas Witnesses. Now, it's time for your weekly duties and it will do you good to get the wobbly out of your legs.

 

[Gage]

This is the 4th time this week, you really need to stop doing this.

 

[Russian Vodka]

Bro, your party was so sick! Look! I lost both my legs!

 

[Gina in Orange]

It seems you’ve been getting too enthusiastic in your drinking.

*holds up a grocery bag full of rubber baby bottle nipples*

We pulled all of these out of your stomach.

 

[Blobbles]

Shouldn't have danced till you dropped, ma'am - we had to bring you to heel, so we could bring you to heal

 

[Gina in Orange]

My dear, if you’re going to attempt salsa dancing in latex bondage, perhaps consider losing the blindfold… or at least wearing a helmet.

 

[Russian Vodka]

I told you we shouldn't have gone into the contaminated area to catch that Pikachu. Look at us? You got three eyes, I got two noses!

 

[LordFlashheart]

You have a new set of genitalia. What would you like for lunch?

 

[WaveVelour]

Probably shouldn't have flashed at that train.

 

[Aspirant]

Hey, you. You're finally awake.

 

[transformtionqueenerzila]

the female muscle ehancement surgery was a major sccuses

 

[Sync]

We tried our best, but I'm afraid that bikini armour is surgically grafted on.

 

[ƒeral]

Welcome, #218, to the c̷̶҉̵̢͚̣̻̲̬͑̑͛͐̀͜͜͜͝͡͝͠o҉̢̡̲͇̌͗̀͢͝l̶҉̰͚͖͕̍̈́̅͗̏̇͢͜͜͝l̶҉̰͚͖͕̍̈́̅͗̏̇͢͜͜͝e̵̡̫̫͍͕̎ͭ̐͟͟͝͞c̷̶҉̵̢͚̣̻̲̬͑̑͛͐̀͜͜͜͝͡͝͠t҉̷҉̢͖͔̹͛̌͊͘͜͢͠͡͡i҉̧̯̤̙͔̑ͧ̅̔ͦ́͜͟͢͝͠v҉̨̊͢͠͠e̵̡̫̫͍͕̎ͭ̐͟͟͝͞, you sync has been successful.

 

[Russian Vodka]

The Foundation thanks you for your service. Your aid in testing the limits of SCP-682 have been most fruitful. Ohh, and don't worry if you don't remember, the amnesiacs are quite powerful.

 

[Sharub]

Well awoke, Comrade. You look pretty dried-out... like an empty bottle. Nah, ignore the party noises around you.

 

[ƒeral]

Astonishing! We have successfully created you by injecting but a single 'a' into a shrub. Simply marvelous!

 

[Gina in Orange]

I’m afraid that your cigarette burns are terminal.

 

[LordFlashheart]

I kept telling you that posting photos of yourself looking like an old fashioned movie star was going to end badly for you.

 

[Aviatrix]

O thank god! I told you not to run so fast on the treadmill.