The person above you awakens in a hospital bed and YOU say:

[Redmonkey]

I'm sorry but the doctors couldn't save your whole left side but the good news is you're all right now.

 

[Russian Vodka]

The surgeon removed your rock hard abs. You can finally chest bump again without rupturing some poor souls spleen.

 

[LordFlashheart]

Hmmm have you ever considered changing your user name to Ukrainian Vodka? How about just Vodka?

 

[Sync]

The surgeon confirmed you are NOT an "extra-terrestrial". Any more attempts to try and "flash your heart" are likely to be fatal.

 

[LordFlashheart]

I'm afraid you are no longer in sync with anything.

 

[WaveVelour]

"But milord, I thought you could handle my loyalty to the throne."

 

[LordFlashheart]

We had to remove the Velour. You will be known only as Wave now.

 

[Russian Vodka]

It appears the surgery was a success. Congratulations on your diamond studded, gold crown being grafted into your skull. Please be advised the additional weight may put your body off balance.

 

[LordFlashheart]

We do recommend that you never try and place a bottle in that particular orifice ever again.

 

[ƒeral]

we dub thee: 'lodflashheat'

no more r's for you

 

[LordFlashheart]

I would not suggest any more riots. Perhaps a nice caffe latte for you in future, hmmm?

 

[Saiya]

When we said you are electric, we didn't mean it literally!

 

[WaveVelour]

There, you should now be able to see again. Turns out your fringe was just too thick.

 

[ƒeral]

Bad news. Your hair has been permanently bleached. Might I suggest some hairdye products?

 

[Russian Vodka]

Welcome back to the world of the living. Wait. Why are you looking at me like that? I am not for your sucking pleasure!

 

[RichardSteele]

No one else thought you would pull through - but I knew you had the spirit

 

[Sync]

I'm afraid the surgery was unsuccessful. It turns out your heart doesn't want to be replaced.

 

[Yoga Princess]

Who was the woman sitting next to you in the car?

 

[Russian Vodka]

When you said to experience ultimate pleasure, this was not what I had in mind.

 

[Doctor Manhattan]

"They couldn't save your penis; I'm so so sorry. However, your birdbath was unharmed in the crash. So...positives?"

 

[stealthpanther]

"The glow worms you ate were thankfully not toxic to you in any way...but the doctor says you will forever be your own fluorescent lamp."

 

[Aviatrix]

I'm sorry to inform you, but you were allergic to the colored contact lenses you were wearing. Your eyesight has suffered and you will have to wear thick glasses for the foreseeable future.

 

[Megara23]

You’ll live….for about a week

 

[Aviatrix]

You'll live, but the sunburn is going to make it agonizing to move for a while.

 

[echo]

"My gawd! You were on everything but rollerskates!"