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Yearning Steer (Penner and AR)

RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Ben sighed heavily, after a long while his grip on her relaxed. He eased up, brow furrowing as he looked down at her, "That night... you had Eric at your house?"

It was something that had bothered him but that honestly seemed very small in this current situation.

He did want to know what had happened, why she let that happen. They were supposed to be courting, and almost immediately after they decided this she had a man spending the night with her? It was hard to believe she was that kind of lady but he was starting to wonder. She certainly wasn't as 'ladylike' as some. He didn't care, either way, he needed her. He needed someone.

***

He did sit back down, but he didn't want to. His eyes ran over her red hair, and he had a feeling, even if he wasn't sure, that it was a unique color. He pressed his hands to his eyes, sighing heavily. "Food would be nice," he said softly, "please."

He couldn't remember anything, it was all blank. And yet he could remember how to speak, he knew what clothes were, he knew how to use his legs. Was that normal? Why couldn't he remember who he was? Where he'd come from? How he got here?
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She looked back up at him and said, "He slept on one of the desks... he came over to see if I was alright to have to house set up for the storm that was coming. Once he got here... well, the storm was rough and it went for most of the night. And I told him that he had to stay downstairs." She mentioned to Ben. "I was upstairs just waking up when you arrived." She said quietly as she looked up at him. "I was afraid that you hated me because you thought I was a tramp... but then, I got word of..." His brother. "And well, I wanted to see you and find out how you were doing..." She sighed. "I'm sorry, Ben."

---

Rose nodded as she turned and went out the bedroom door and then down the stairs towards the kitchen so that she could tell her Ma that the boy upstairs was awake and was hungry. "He doesn't know who he is either... it's a little odd." She said as she took an apple for herself to eat as she took a few things up the stairs along with some nice cool water to drink
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Ben sighed, "It doesn't matter."

Very little mattered now. Except her. Except the future he planned to build with her. He'd lost his brother, he wouldn't lose anyone else. "Marry me," He said softly.

It was too soon, he knew it was too soon, but he needed her. Desperately.

***

By the time Rose returned to the room, Sam had struggled his way out of bed and was gazing out the window. The gentle bleat of the cattle, the horses, it all felt very familiar... and right. He turned as she re-entered, gripping the window sill tight to hold himself upright.

"How long have I been here?" He asked.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She looked at him as her eyes suddenly became incredibly wide as she was staring up at him. "It doesn't matter?" Kate started as she looked incredibly surprised. "What?" She asked him when he had asked her to marry him. It had been so sudden and... Well, he was looking quite serious about it... She could see that... "Well, before I say yes... You have to tell me why you want to marry me." She knew that he was going through an incredibly tough time but she wanted to know that he was in his right mind while he was asked her of this.

She wondered if getting down on one knee was not a thing but she was not going to ask him to do that. "I just want you to know what you asking of me." She said gently as she took his hands into her own as she glanced up at him.

She knew that in her heart of hearts that she loved him but she could not say those words yet... And what if she could return to her own time?

---

"A few days." She said to him as she was balancing a tray of food for him. There was cornbread and hash browns with some pork and beans. It was usual fare for the ranch life. "Hope you're hungry... Ma put the feed bag for you. Oh... And I snuck some whiskey too." She grinned as she put the tray down on the bedside table. "To try and help you remember." She said with a shrug.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Ben looked down at their joined hands. All his nerves, all his inability to speak was gone in this moment. Because in this moment a heavy grief weighed down everything else, pushing it aside and making it easy to talk.

"At any moment life can change," he brought her hands up to his lips, kissed her fingers ever so gently, "at any moment these hands could be gone... you could be gone."

He looked up, searching her gaze, "I know what I want, Kate. I don't see any reason to wait, to play games, to ... I want you. I want you with me. I want every moment we can have, before life..."

He broke off. Before life took her away. Like life took everything and everyone away.

***

A few days? Had he really slept that long? He carefully returned to the bed, sitting down with a relieved sigh. Well, at least he wasn't falling over. He took the food and started to eat but once he started he realized how hungry he was and soon he wasn't eating like a civilized human, he was devouring his food, shoving it into his face and swallowing it down as fast as he could. Of course eating so fast after so long without left him feeling nauseated but he didn't care.

He grabbed the whiskey, tossing it back with equal fervor.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She felt her eyes welting with tearing as she was speaking to her about this. How the hell could she say no to that. Nodding a few times, she finally said. "Yes... Ben. Yes, I will marry you." She said softly as she looked up at Ben. "I love you." She finally said without stopping herself. She supposed that life was too short to worry about the mind games and although he 21st century sensibilities were screaming for her to run away. Well, he was being honest and open with her at that moment and he wanted to marry her.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she was trying to stop herself from weeping at this moment. "I suppose that the town won't be too impressed that they are losing their few teacher that they have had in some time." She mentioned to him with a sigh. "And I did not even teach..." She said as she did say. "Well, I suppose that it will be a bit of a trip every day but I could still go and teach..." Luke was going to travel for school, so why couldn't she? Or even if she did that for the week and came back on weekends until they found a new teacher.

---

She was slowly eating an apple as she watched the young man eat like a pig... well, Tom ate like that... her brother could be gross. "Hungry, eh?" She said as she was looking at him. He then drank some of the whiskey as she sat there eating her apple. "So, Sam... what's it like not knowing who you are?"

They were going to have to send word to the surrounding towns of the boy... she supposed.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Ben didn't care about the technicalities, they would find a way to make it work. He bent down, kissing her firmly. His heart was broken, he was broken. He'd lost too much in this life, but he would do everything he could to make sure she was happy. Whatever time they had, he would try to make it good.

He pulled away only because it was mid-morning and someone could walk in on them at anytime and while they were to be married now, he didn't want to tarnish her reputation before that could happen. Once she was well and truly his... well, other eyes be damned.

"We'll make it work," he said, "we'll do anything you want. I'll find a way to give you the moon and the stars if you want, Kate. Anything..."

The front door opened and Jesse walked in. he took two steps, saw the way they were clinging to each other and took two steps backwards, "I'll uh... sorry. I'll just..." he ducked back out, closing the door quickly behind him.

***

"What's it like knowing who you are?" Sam countered, then he shrugged, "I don't know. It's just empty."

A little scary but no way in hell was he telling her that. "I... I keep feeling like there's something important I'm supposed to be doing. Something... real important. But I can't remember what."'

He sighed, "What if... what if nobody is missing me? What if I ain't got no where to go? What if... what if I'm just empty? What if I can't remember because there's nothing to remember?"
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She was looking up into his eyes, seeing all the emotion stirring in them. He was a quiet man but for some reason... she could see what he was thinking in those eyes. “We will make it work...” She said to him as she leaned in to give him a little kiss before she heard the door open and she pulled away from him with her cheeks turning red as a tomato as she waited for Jesse to leave the house after saying a few awkward words.

“Perhaps, we should be kissing in your front entrance.” She said as her lip quirked up a little.

And so, she was engaged again... to Ben and she felt happy about it. “I should probably head back to town... I brought some baked goods... there's brownies and an apple pie for you and your brothers... as well as Susan.” She added since she supposed that the maid was going to be part of their family now.

“Unless, you think we ought to tell your brothers... about... but you can tell them yourself if you want.” She doubted that they knew about the 'courting'... not like there was much of that.

-

She did not know what that was like and it was interesting as she tilted her head a little. “I doubt that is the case... there has to be someone that care about you out there. I bet you got a real nice family.” She offered but she didn't really know if he had a real nice family or anyone. “Plus... if you got nowhere to go then, well... we always need help on the ranch. Pa will probably even give you a wage.” She shrugged as she took a bite of her apple.

“So, it ain't so bad...” Rose mentioned.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Ben didn't want her to leave. The thought of letting her out of his sight filled him with anxiety. But he forced himself to relax his hold on her, "Right... I'll tell them. We'll be in town in two days to marry Jesse and Susan. I'll see you then."

And they would discuss when their own wedding would take place. He didn't plan to have anything big, he didn't want to take the time for something like that. He would be fine with a simple church ceremony, and he hoped she would too. He could have her in the house before the first snow fell...

He paused, leaning down to kiss her again. He didn't want her to leave, he so didn't want her to leave. He needed her more than ever. But he also didn't want to burden her with his sadness. He needed a few more days, just time to gather himself.

***

"I think I'd be good, I mean, good help," Sam said, "I feel like this is all familiar. The cows, I mean. And I would help. I'd work real hard. If you'd let me stay... at least until I remember or... or until someone looks for me."

He'd been here days. Why hadn't anyone come looking yet? How far from home could he be? Quite far, he supposed. Maybe he was on a trip visiting someone. Maybe he was a bandit! The possibilities were endless.

He reached up to touch the bandage wrapped around his head.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She was unsure if she wanted to leave him alone as she said, “Do you want me to stay for a little bit?” Kate offered as she gave him a sincere smile. “I don't really have much to do today.” She said to him as she said, “You know... I never got to thank you for my dress that you bought me.” She thought about. “I finally opened it and I am very thankful... it's so beautiful. I could wear it as my wedding dress. Well, I could also wear it at the next church dance...” She said to him quietly.

Kate didn't really want to leave either as she wait for him to ask her to stay. “It is really a lovely dress. I had to adjust the size but it fits now.” She mentioned to him as she was staying in his arms and not trying to leave. She simply missed him.

However, she could imagine what her friends would say about her marrying a man that she had only met a little over a week ago. She was crazy... this was crazy... but then, it also felt right.

---

“We already talked about it... just in case... Pa says that you can stay as long as you work. However, you are going to need to rest.” He was going to have to tell Pa and Tom about how the boy couldn't remember who he was. They were out working with the horses and she kind of wished if she could be out there too with them... but sometimes, Ma made her stay in to do cooking and other things like that.

All stuff that she loathed.

“We would call the doc but he's a good four hours from here... the ranch is kind of in the middle of nowhere but it's heaven.” She said proudly.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Ben had no desire to loosen his grasp. He didn't know that he could, not unless she asked him to. In truth a part of him, a desperate, sad part of him wanted to pick her up and carry her up to his room. They were to be married, would it really matter?

He pressed his hand flat to her lower back, groaning softly as he pulled her into his chest.

"I can't dance," he said softly. It was something to say. Something to keep her here even a moment longer.

***

Sam made a face, "I don't like the idea of resting. Can we go outside? I think I can walk a bit..."
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She looked up at him with a smile. “I can teach you if you want, Ben.” She said as she thought about how all of her watching of Dancing with the Stars was coming to use. “Plus, I look a little silly dancing.” She said to him as she leaned in a little so that she could be close. “Here... give me this hand.” She said as she took his one hand. “Other one needs to be on my waist...” She said to him. “My hand on your shoulder and then, we dance and sway a little.”

She said as she was doing the leading. “However. You need to do the leading in the dance.” She mentioned to him. It gave her a few moments more with him.

---

She shrugged as she said, “I don't see why not if you feel up to it... but you need to get out of that night shirt.” She said to him. “The clothes is over there... I will be down stairs...” She mentioned as she took the tray with her to bring down so she could scrub up a little before going outside.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

"Leading?" He moved, that was easy enough, but really he had no idea what they were doing.

But it was nice. Even if she was too small for him to properly hold onto her waist. After a few minutes the door opened again and this time it was Luke who stumbled in on them.

He paused, eyes widening then sharply narrowing, "Uh... sorry, Ben, but... the hands need some help. We've got a breach."

Ben swore softly, apologized quickly and reluctantly released Kate, "I have to go," He said, "but wait for me. I'll ride you back to town."

"I'll take her back to town, if you'd like," Luke offered.

Ben shook his head, "I will. Give me a bit, Kate. Please. This won't take long."

***

Sam took his time changing, careful not to move too quickly. Once he had changed - the pants were too short, the shirt fit perfectly though, getting down the stairs proved to be the next challenge. He gripped the rail tight as he made his way down.

"Rose?" He called, not seeing her at first.

***
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She did have to wonder if he was going to be able to take his hands off of her when they went for the ride home. Kate knew that she could ride on her own to town but it seemed that he was a man who wanted to make sure that his woman was alright when it came to getting herself home. Well, Kate was not going to dent Ben that as she nodded. Her cheeks were red again since they had been walked in on twice. Well, now his brothers knew what their deal was...

"Alright... I will just wait here for a little while you get everything settled." She mentioned as she waited until Ben and Luke left the house. She was a little sad to see that their dance session was finished.

---

Rose was in the kitchen with Ma as she heard her name and went to look to see if Sam was ready and dressed. "Yes? Are you alright to go down the stairs...I can help you?" Her Ma came out and said, "Good Afternoon, young man... so happy that you are finally awake and with us.| She said with a smile as Rose went over to Sam and offered her arm for him.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She was alone some time before Jesse, Luke and Ben returned. Ben had dropped the bomb of his news while they were working with the breached cow, and now Luke looked at Kate with distinct and obvious annoyance while Jesse walked up, removed his hat and said, "Ms. Williams. It will be nice to have you join our family. I'm sure Susan will appreciate your company."

Ben rested his hands on his hips, "We can go, if you'd like... Kate." It was the first time he called her Kate in front of the boys and it felt... strange, but good.

***

Sam grasped Rose's arm. Maybe in a past life he would have balked at the idea of letting a female help him but right now he knew he needed the help and he didn't care who it was that offered the hand.

"Hello, ma'am," he said to Rose's mother, "Thank you for taking care of me. I appreciate it."
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

While they had been gone, Kate was in the parlour looking at the stacks of books and thinking about how there was much reading to be done... But then, many of her favourite books were not even written. Well, she could always retell the stories but... That was not a good idea because they were not her stories to tell. Mary had come in to clean, she supposed that Susan was off doing her chores? Or did they have her resting since she was pregnant.

She spoke to Mary for a few minutes before she went off to do some cleaning and Kate was left alone again before Ben returned with his two brothers. "Thank you, Jesse... You can call me Kate now if you want." She said since she was going to be part of the family. Glancing at Luke, she smiled at him wondering if he was upset. She did wonder why but she supposed that it could be because of all the change in the last little while.

It couldn't be easy for the family.

---

"It is nothing, young man... From what I heard. You are certainly lucky to be alive. Our home is your home as you recover." She said to him. "Rosie... Stay with him... He looks like he is about to tip over." Her mother said as Rose looked annoyed since she was called Rosie. She was 17 now... Clearly an adult and didn't need to be called childish nicknames.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

"Miss Kate," Jesse said, his ears turning a bit pink. He stepped away, moving to stand at Luke's side.

Luke shoved his hands into his pockets, he looked anywhere but at her now.

Ben held his hand out, "Kate?"

He couldn't bear the thought of her riding back alone. Not now, not after what had happened to Noah. he was tired, exhausted really but he would ride her back to town. It would be well after dark before he'd make it back to the Yearning Steer after that but it would be worth it, just for his own ease of mind.

It would be awhile before he'd be comfortable letting any of them out of his sight again.

***

"Rosie?" Sam repeated with a smile.

At the bottom of the stairs he paused to catch his breath, and calm his spinning head.

When he was ready he clutched at her hand and attempted walking across the room. He didn't think much of clinging to her soft, small fingers... it was a necessary precaution.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

"It was nice seeing you, Jesse and Luke... send me best to Susan. Please make sure that she gets some of the baking." She said to Jesse knowing that he would make sure of it. Kate then said goodbye to the two brothers thinking that it was so weird without Noah there... it made her sad to see that.

She did not feel like he had to come with her back to town. It was later in the day but it was a four hour ride for him. "You don't have to ride with me back. It will take you four hours..." She said as she took his hand into her own and they went outside the front door. "You won't get home before dark." She mentioned to him as they went towards the stable.

Perhaps, she could convince him to stay at the schoolhouse that evening and he could sleep downstairs?

---

"Don't call me Rosie..." Rose said to Sam as she looked up at him with a warning in her eyes. "Or I will be calling you Sammy or something embarrassing." She threatened him, it was bad enough that some of the ranch hands didn't take her seriously because she was a girl but... she was also very good at ranching and kept up with them. Even if her Ma was trying to make her some kind of proper lady.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

"I don't mind," Ben said, "Right now... After what happened to Noah, I can't let you go."

If he'd known she was coming here to start with he would have told her no. Although he was glad now that he'd seen her.

In the stables he released her hand so he could saddle a mare for himself. The ease with which he swung the saddle up made it very clear where he'd developed the muscle power to so easily carry her around. It took him mere moments to prepare the horse. He took a moment to check hers, making sure the saddle was on correctly and the feet were clean before he held out his hand to help her mount.

***

"What's your ranch called?" Sam asked as they stepped outside. He squinted in the light. It felt like his eyes weren't used to the sun anymore. But it was nice, he liked the warmth of it.

He raised his free hand to shade his eyes as he looked around curiously.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Once they were on their way towards town, she knew that she was in for a bit of a silent ride. She liked Ben but they never really did much of the talking part. Well, they had done a little bit of that before. “I understand, Ben.” She said to him with a sad smile. “I know that I probably shouldn't have come all the way out here but I just needed to see you.” She mentioned as she was settled on her mare and they were on their way.

“I don't know if I want you to come back on your own...” She said to him sometime later as they were riding at a good clip towards the town. She knew that he might get offended by that but she did not like the idea of him being out there in the wilderness alone. Most of the ride was uneventful as she rode towards the town in the distance. “Perhaps, you could stop at Sheriff's or you could stay at the school house in the downstairs?” She offered to him. “I could make you something to eat?”

---

“Prairie Rose Ranch.” She said as she smiled. “Pa named it after me when I was little and we first moved to the area.” They had been dirt poor when she was a girl but they had saved and worked and they had a pretty successful ranch. That's why they were so kind to others in hard times because they had once gone through some hard times... They were just lucky that Tom had been too young to fight in that war and Pa had been too old.

“Does it seem familiar out here?” She asked.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

"I can stay," Ben said quietly. A part of him felt like he needed to stay, like he needed her to help him forget his grief, his loss.

He looked over at her, her beautiful hair seemed to glow in the quickly fading light. She was beautiful. Strange, other worldly, but beautiful and he wasn't sure what he would have done without her.

"... the night Noah disappeared, Jesse revealed to me that Noah is the father of Susan's baby," He said then, because he felt she needed to know the full story. "Noah denied it, but Luke and Jesse both spoke against him. I was angry and despite the storm I sent Noah out of the house."

He gripped the saddle horn tightly, "It's my fault... Kate... I... I sent him out in the storm. It's my fault he's gone."

****

"Yeah, it does. Just... I don't know. Everything about it feels like... home." OF course it wasn't home, but he thought maybe he had once lived on a ranch like this.

He pulled on her hand, "Can we see the cows?"
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

She looked over to Ben as he was talking as she shook her head. "It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have predicted what Noah would have done or where he would go." She sighed. "I assume that Noah refused to marry Susan and you being a noble man would not have that." Thus why he offered to marry her himself before Jesse insisted. "I don't know why you sent him out but you are going to guilt yourself about what you could have or should have done and it is going to eat you inside." She said to him wanting to reach out to him.

"I'm sorry, Ben." Kate said as she watched him as they rode. "I just want you to know that you can forgive yourself... It might take you sometime but you can." Her face was looking somber as the sun was low in the sky. It would soon be sunset.

---

They were just regular cows as she said. "Yeah but I don't want you jostling around on a horse not when you can't even walk straight." She said as she thought about getting the small cart out and get a horse or two to take them out to the cows... They could walk but it could be aways. She looked at him and thought that he could weight all that much... She supposed that the two of them could share a horse together.

"Come on... Let's see if I can get us out there." She said as they went towards the stables.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

"One thing this life has taught me, is that you cherish the ones you love, even when you're angry. I acted in anger, and I shouldn't have. He's just a kid... he... he was just a kid. A stupid, stupid, stupid kid." Ben sighed heavily, his shoulders dropping, "Sorry... I shouldn't burden you with all this."

It wasn't her problem or her fault. After the wedding she would become a Wilson but until then it wasn't right to lay all this on her. He didn't want her to marry him out of guilt, but he did want her to marry him.

They were close to town and absurdly he wondered if she'd let him stay with her. Not downstairs, but /with/ her.

***

"Thank you," Sam said with a smile. But in the stables he became enraptured with the horses and the tack and fiddling with those took his mind off the cows.

It wasn't all that rare for a man to be familiar with farm life out here, but at the very least he was pretty sure he wasn't some city man come to visit their town or something like that.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

"Don't apologize." She said sincerely as she said, "I'm suppose to marry you... and so, you can burden me with all of the things that you want to... and I will do the same. Isn't that what marriage is suppose to be about? Being a team?" She offered to him as they were getting closer to town. "And I am sorry... it's so hard to hold that much sorrow in your heart." Her voice was low as she sighed heavily as she looked at him.

She was showing him empathy but not giving him ways to push pass the pain. He needed to ride it out... and all she could do was be a support system. They were riding into town as the sun was setting and twilight was setting in as the lights were on at the hotel and saloon. Rowdy noises coming from there... the shops were closed up as she lead them to her little stable for the two of their horses to stay in. They gave the two of them a brush and she made sure that was enough fed for Persephone and his mare.

"I can make up some supper for the two of us." She mentioned as she was leading him to the backdoor of the schoolhouse.

---

She watched him as he was looking at all their horses. There was a lot of them in the stable but also in the paddock as she said. "We raise horses here..." She said. "Pa real good at it..." She smiled. "We got a few mares that will have a fowl or two... hopefully. At least before winter." The Winters could be right harsh on the Prairie but they were doing well.
 
RE: Yearning Steer (Penner and AR) Random Western Titles.

Ben shook his head, "I'm not hungry."

Once they were inside the schoolhouse, he couldn't think of a reason not to hug her... so he did. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, trapping her in his embrace and bending his head so he could rest his cheek on the top of her head. He was weary, worn, broken... but she helped him forget.

Even only just for a moment, he could find peace when she was in his arms.

***

Sam looked around, "Where are the ranch hands?"

He wasn't sure why, he just felt like there should be ranch hands... and maids? He looked around, but for the moment saw no sign of other help.
 
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