Forbidden by the Force (DaveTheHuman & GhastyGoo)

The second I wake, I wish badly to be knocked out once more. My whole body feels as if it were stung by a thousand poisonous plants. A light sweat has accumulated onto my skin, making me shudder with revulsion. My mouth is completely dry, tongue slightly numb. But I can feel, and I can remember everything. So I must be alright. My eyes open wider and I gently sit up some, shaking my head. I'm hurting badly at the back of my neck too, right where it bridges into my skull..

I glance over to find you, my heart leaping to find that you're alright. But my eyes must be playing tricks, you're missing.. You're missing an arm. The engine. You had to have cut it off yourself to free you, that or the Dathomirian must've done it. But he's not here?

"Master..." My voice is hoarse and almost alien to me. "What happened...your arm. Are you okay?" The loss of your limb sickens and saddens me at once. Technically now half of you will almost be robotic, both your arm and leg. With technology, it isn't much of an issue and both limbs function normally.. But that's skin and nerves you'll no longer be able to feel. Visions flash briefly at me of us lying together, you unable to feel me or hold me with the memory of both arms..

Tears well into my eyes and spill down my cheeks as my shoulders shake. It's the first time in years I've sobbed this hard as the shaking soon becomes a hard wracking whine. "I failed...I..failed you...!" My head hangs in shame, tears spilling onto my lap.
 
By the time you wake up, I've already tried getting the ship moving but it's unable to go any faster than a slow cruise. It seems we will have to wait for the rescue team. I know it could be a while since we are under attack. Luckily the ship has supplies to last us if it becomes an extended period.

When I hear your voice, I turn looking at you. I smile "Isartimus, you're awake." As I'm about to ask how you're feeling, you comment on my arm. Seeing your tears and hearing your distress, I get up and hug you softly, cautious since I'd expect you to be quite sore. I rub your back gently and say "You didn't fail me... you didn't fail me... you didn't fail at all."

I pull the robotic seat over so I can sit closely across from you. With my hand holding yours I say "We are safe now, and that's what matters. The dathomirian is dead and help will come for us soon." I wipe your tears and then kiss your cheek.

As I look at you, a clone commander appears at the hologram "Master Jarean, we've recieved your distress signal and a rescue squad has just departed." I turn to the image and nod "Thank you. There is an enemy ship near us that we suspect to be empty. It could have valuable information." He replies "I'll have the men board it. Out."

When the holographic image disappears I say "Things are looking up. How are you feeling?"
 
The skin around my eyes has turned almost a blotched purple from the crying by the time I look up at you and let you wipe my tears away, unable to stop them just quite yet. I nod silently, but inside my head, it's still my fault. It always is. It was my fault we got caught by the Dathomirian in the first place back in the forest. Then here on the ship, when I had taken your mind away from the mission and we had instead been screwing around. My fault for passing out from a knock to the head... "Master...it was I who once said that I'd have killed the man who had taken your leg...and now I'm the cause why you've lost an arm now.."

I manage to hide my face in shame and fear when the hologram comes up; Jedi aren't supposed to be emotional. We aren't supposed to fail. They always say it's an option but it's not. Not when it costs your master a limb.

After several moments I manage to calm down, hiccuping lightly from the force of my previous sobs and leaning forward to rest my head in the crook of your shoulder. The feeling of your hands on my skin hurts tremendously, but I ignore the pain simply to be closer to you.
 
I remember you saying that, and it pains me deeply that it's how you feel. "I will always love you, Isartimus. Please don't believe it to be your fault. If I hadn't lost my arm the both of us would be dead and the Sith would still be alive to spread more evil... An arm is a small price to pay for two lives and an unknown amount of others."

The instinctual feeling of losing a limb is something that requires a lot of force to dull. I just keep reminding myself when the robotic one is fitted it will be just as functional and maybe even better. It will look and act like an arm, and react to sensations but I will never truly feel from it again. But to me, that's alright because I have the life of my love.

I give you a kiss and stand up, going a short way to the medical bay. Finding some painkillers I bring them back with water. "Soon we will be rescued and taken to the medical staff and all will be well." I take one of the pills and then pass one and the bottle of water to you.
 
I take the pill grudgingly, wishing I could just refuse it in hopes that I could suffer as much as you have for a little while. But I down it along with a small bit of water and move closer to you, sighing and nodding slowly, still crying silently. My shoulders have stopped shaking and I move closer to you, trying to count the positives over the negatives. At least we are alive, as you say. And I'd rather you lose an arm than your life in all honesty. "Thank you Master.. I promise I'll try harder in the future."

I move closer to you to cuddle against you, head still on you shoulder once you've sat down again. I stare out the window and can't help but feel a sense of dread. We're out here alone for now. No doubt the countless bodies of clones littered about the ship somewhere.

Soon enough, a rescue ship arrives and we are soon loaded onto it, back in our own quarters after a quick check by the medical drone on board. Our injuries are treated to as best as they can, but it's obvious we both need a long stay at a more grounded and adept facility on another planet.
 
With the planet we came from still under siege by the Sith, the clones take us to Hoth. The planet may be a solid ball of snow and ice but that's it's greatest advantage. It's undesirable and empty with the exception of a rather larger republic base.

The ship cruises into the hanger, and the massive metal doors close behind us. Once landed, the medical staff wait for us. We walk together on the chilly landing pad as the nurses lead us to the medical wing. When we arrive, I'm glad to see the medical wing is more up-to-date than the rest of the base. It seems like everything else was forgotten by time yet still functioning.

When we split to the different rooms I say "See you soon Padawan, heal well." Your feeling of guilt worries me. I know it's normal but it doesn't stop me from wishing you didn't think that way.

After a short while of having my vitals tested, I am put to sleep and taken into the operating room. My arm is fitted, attached, and tested before I wake up a short while later.

As I sit, recovering from the anesthetic, I look at my new arm. Right now it doesn't have the sensor-laden skin attached but it feels like a good fit. When my leg was put on the doctors had to make several adjustments before it felt right. My arm seems to be done with expertise.
 
I hear Hoth and immediately a shiver runs down my spine. I've never been but I know how cold it is. And being Twi'lek, I'm certainly not built for such weather like a few species across the galaxy are, or at least better equipped. But thankfully indoors everything seems warm enough as we are led down various hallways that are filled with a sense of neglect but the people are at least friendly.

I hate to see you go but a medical droid and a few nurses are busily ushering me into another room. By now I can feel my body beginning to experience the horrible shock of such bodily torture and the lessening of adrenaline over time. I manage the bed with their help and am placed under heavy painkillers, some of which make me feel like I'm floating. All the meanwhile they check various parts of my body for nerve damage.

I can hear them talking about some minor concussion to my head but it's nothing major and I honestly don't care under such sedation, where nothing seems to matter and everything is good. But soon enough I'm released once the medication wears off and I'm allowed to come visit you. They say you're coming out of surgery and I'm anxious to see your arm.

Walking into the room, I see you testing the arm and pain shoots through my psyche yet again. "Master, how are you feeling? Is everything alright besides your arm? Does it work properly?" I'm all questions, concern written across my expression.
 
I look over at you and nod. Sitting upright in my bed, I'm shirtless and slowly moving my new arm around, "I'm feeling good." The anesthetic still makes me a bit groggy and slow, but functional. "It seems there won't have to be any adjustments. Just needs the skin now."

I look down at the shiny metal of the arm. I'm glad I've practiced so extensively fighting with both hands, the one I lost was my dominant one. There's always a learning curve with these prosthetics but I'm sure eventually I'll gain complete confidence with it.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, noticing that you look more like yourself than when we separated a short while ago.

I'm starting to like this base. It's quiet, isolated, but I'm sure the majority of the clones are off reinforcing Coruscant and the planet we came from. Suddenly I'm reminded we must check in with the council. They must think we are at Coruscant by now. I then realize how slow the anesthetic has made me, they would have been notified by the distress call. I make a mental note to check in with them once I'm sharper.
 
"I'm feeling a little better. No longer in pain. I heard something about a concussion but they let me go, so it must not have been too bad." I sit down gently on the side of the bed next to you, my legs hanging off the bed and turned to look at you. There's a small bandage of some kind on the back of my head, but otherwise just a few bruises coloring my skin a darker green and purple in some bits. "I'm glad to see you're a little better."

I offer you a small smile as I glance around. There aren't many other Jedi here at the base; mostly just normal officers and clones. Seeing as none of them are around, I scooch over close to you on the bed and lie down, curling on my side facing you now, my head lightly on your chest.

"I'm just happy you're here. That was as close a call as we've ever been in together, I think."
 
I feel you move to me and I respond with holding you closely. I nod and say "I think so too." Like most Jedi we have had many close-calls but I can't think of any as dark as the last one. In fact, I know none come even close. A mistake that leads to a quick death is one thing, but physical and mental torture before death, that was new for us. It makes the lightsaber fights seem far far more humane.

With the sun setting outside, the base lights dim as a reminder of the time. It's good to have some time with no pending responsibilities. I know we must check-in with the council but if they haven't reached out to us they must assume we need a break. There are other Jedi to do our work.

I get the feeling that with the dathomirian dead a major Sith leadership role has been eliminated. Hopefully the contents of his cruiser can confirm that and reveal information that could useful to the republic. Perhaps if he is high ranking enough he could have the master deactivation code for their droid army. I know it's extremely wishful thinking, but mistakes like that can be made by people of any rank and experience.
 
As the lights dim, I smile a little to myself. Another day together and thankfully alive, even if not completely whole. I look up to you, still smiling and gently kiss your cheek, wrapping my arms tighter around you and enjoying your closeness. It makes me happy to no end that you're fine. I'll have to thank the medical staff later, if I see any of them again. For now, it seems they've all gone home but for one droid on its lonesome, beeping to itself as it checks another patients vitals. Perhaps for the last time before the bay goes into the night shift. I sigh, allowing my head to rest a little more against your good shoulder, not caring even if someone caught us snuggling like this.

"Master, did they say you had to stay overnight? Do you feel like you can move?" I know the anesthesia was likely quite strong, and despite the shock, I think you had it far worse than me and should rest, even if you still are allowed to go back to your room. "I hope you won't mind if I stay with you for the night."
 
I yawn and nod "Yeah, I can move around." My good hand rubs your lower back. "I'll just tell the droid on staff i'll stop by tomorrow myself and get the artificial skin." I know it's still being formed in the machine and colored to my skin tone. I smile "Of course you can stay the night."

I lean up slowly with you, feeling that the anesthesia hasn't effected my coordination, just made me a bit slower than usual. We get out of the hospital bed and I remove my gown, now naked. The attachment point of the new arm is bandaged, something I'm thankful for. I don't want to see that. As I get my clothes and put them on slowly, I ask "Did the doctors tell you if you'd return to 100%?"

I know the stun setting on the cuffs is non-lethal or harming, just a taser-type setting, but I have no idea what it's like for the electricity to keep running continuously like the dathomirian did.
 
I smile, watching you get up on your own and dress. It feels even better to see you moving around instead of lying down in that bed with the gown on. "Uhm...well I have a small concussion and some of my nerves are damaged, but no central areas have gone numb or tense, so I think I'll be fine. They released me shortly before you came out of surgery." I gently wrap my arm around your good one, helping you slowly walk to your room down the hall. It takes us a few minutes, but it's not like we're in a rush anyways.

We arrive shortly at the bunkers, walking with you to your bed. "Is there anything I can do for you master? Maybe a little warm food before we both rest? I'm pretty sure the sedation doesn't feel as relaxing or replenishing as real sleep." I've been under only once before in my life, and I had some pretty bad side affects myself.
 
I shake my head "No thanks, I'm fine. They gave me something to eat afterwards." I smile and say "I think they wanted to see if I'd use my new arm. I can proudly say I didn't spill anything or make a mess."

Sitting on the edge of the bed I look around. The room is small, but that's nothing new. I then realize it's been months since I've been back in my apartment on Coruscant. Being a Jedi, you don't have many expenses since you're constantly working. So I was sure to spend the money I do earn on a nice apartment high up. It's large enough to be unnecessary and it's just the way I like it.

But I make do with the rooms I get when on missions, so I lay back on the bed and relax. I begin to wonder if we will be getting an assignment early tomorrow morning.
 
I take a moment before sitting down beside you, leaning my shoulder on yours. "Master.. I hope this war won't last long. I wanna go home. With you." I look over at you, silent. I might be imposing a little but I've been to your place once before and it's nice. Nothing like the small room I have back at the Jedi Temple. It's not the best; it's not my own place to call home. Just somewhere I sleep all the time. I guess the thing I liked most about the place was the massive library, but that's it. Otherwise I would normally just train or go on missions with you.

I can feel sleep tugging at me, my mind managing to wander for a few more minutes before finally giving in. My body slumps a little more against you, eyes shut and small, shallow breaths coming from me. I don't dream this time, simply drifting calmly through a black abyss.
 
I soon join you in sleep, drifting deeply. Short dreams visit me. I see myself as a padawan training, then when I became a master in the council. I then dream of myself as simply a mirialan. No life as a jedi. No missions, missing appendages, or viewing the woman I love being tortured.

My dreams then sway deeper into my life as simply a mirialan. My true identity would always be hidden. I wouldn't be the son of the former ruler and his Queen but simply an orphan. In real life my identity is still hidden, but so much has been build on it from my life as a Jedi that it doesn't phase me. But in this dream it does.

I wake up. My dreams of questioning being a Jedi are over, but not settled.

My eyes stare at the ceiling for a long while thinking of my dreams wondering if they are just meaningless thoughts or something more.
 
It seems far longer than a normal sleep for me, but when I wake up slowly, I see you're up as well and there's still no sign of the lights growing brighter; in fact, many of them have turned off. All is silent as I look around your room, shifting slightly to sit up and letting my eyes adjust until I can make out enough of your form. "Is everything alright master?" I whisper, sensing a disturbance around you. I can see it a little on your expression too. Gently, I shift to lie on my stomach and use my forearms to keep me propped up, back arched slightly with my lekku behind me.
 
I nod "Yes, all's fine. Just woke up from dreaming. How did you sleep?" I shift in the bed staying comfortable. My eyes looking at you, just seeing the outline of your head, shoulders, and lekku.

I've heard the nights are very long on Hoth at certain times of the year, then it switches to long days. I can't be certain since there isn't a clock around but I'd assume we slept for a long time.

Things are pretty quiet except the occasional sound of boots through the hallway.
 
"Decent, I guess." I move closer, hopefully allowing you to see me better. I glance over at the small bedside bookcase and table, reaching over and gently turning on the light and adjusting the brightness so it's barely enough to see with and casts a warm glow. I smile at you, gently reaching across and placing a hand in your cheek, my eyes swirling almost as I gaze at you. "I always sleep better when you're around though. Haven't had a bad night since."

Leaning down, I kiss you. It's kept short, just in case if I've already disturbed you enough from sleeping again or if you don't wanna be close at all. The only times we have slept together were nights where we had just gotten done with fooling around.
 
I smile and give you a soft kiss back. "Hopefully when the war is over or at least settled down we will be able to enjoy this more. Maybe even take some of the vacation time that has been piling up." My hands rest on your lower back just above your round ass cheeks. I hesitate with putting my robotic hand on you, knowing it's metal and most likely cold.

Looking into your eyes I say "Where would you go should we ever get the chance to vacation?" I smile needing to have my mind taken away from Jedi affairs. The thought of them is seeming more and more weighty by the moment.
 
I smile feeling your hands go to my back, not minding the new robotic arm and how it's just a tad cold. Your embrace feels none the different, and I love that. "Hm... I keep having this dream master, of a sort of nice planet with lots of water and grass...and oak trees.. And there's this one oak beside a beautiful crystal clear lake and grassy hills... I wish I knew what planet that was on and where. But I would be more than content to simply go home with you and snuggle in bed together." I blush, kissing your cheek.

"Where would you like to go, master? Your home planet? Back home to Coruscant?" I listen, looking into your eyes still and gently brushing a hand through your jet black hair. I love how smooth it is, and dark.
 
I smile "That sounds like a beautiful place. But being in a big bed sounds nice too." I lean back and look at the ceiling trying to think. Where would I go? These planets are all so diverse and many of them have been tainted for me by war or battle.

"I think Naboo would be nice. They seem to have a lot of greenery and very little war. If you overlook a few years ago. Seems like a peaceful place."

I yawn and look into your eyes. My good hand moves to feel your lekku that is resting on my thigh.
 
I immediately smile widely at the suggestion. I hadn't even thought of the forested planet. I'd never been either, but I know that much of it was inhabited by the Wookies and giant swamps and forests, as well as a few oceans and beaches where the humidity wasn't as bad. "Maybe we could find a beach there. Only problem is I don't speak Wookie, haha.." I laugh a little, grinning as I look at you, forehead resting lightly on yours. I notice the yawn and shiver slightly at the feeling of your hand on my lekku.

"Did you want to go back to sleep master?"
 
By now my anesthetic has worn away and my weariness is simply normal weariness. I nod "We should get all the sleep we can." Both of us know a mission could arise at any moment. Since the council is spread over many planets, orders can come at any odd hour.

While we sleep, Coruscant and the other planets are still heavily under siege. The council doesn't have the time to concern themselves with us. In Coruscant, the clone reinforcements have arrived, just as the droids have as well. The metropolitan planet with such massive buildings is now a war zone with many left destroyed.

But something has happened that is very rare in the long span of documented history. The jedi temple with it's endless training has stopped. All Jedi from master to knight to padawan to younglings are focused on war, the beehive has been disturbed and the Sith are starting to realize it.

Yoda is quickly organizing forces held on other planets to protect the capital planet. He knows if the Sith control the senate then the republic with never be the same. He may be locked under siege at the planet we came from, but the capital is far more important.
 
It took a little bit of time to fall asleep again, even long after you had passed out. I could feel a massive but far off disturbance in the Force, a byproduct of the war. But eventually my eyes closed and I manage to pass out, haunted by nightmares involving the Dathomirian even though he is long dead. The majority involve rather gruesome scenes, forcing my body to struggle in my sleep, and not feel rested once I awake several hours into the morning. The lights are brightened in the room around us, and I yawn and stretch, definitely wishing I had slept better.

Back on some of the other planets under fire, Jedi and clone reinforcements are reaching the surface and driving the Sith back. Their leaders fall, battleships assaulted, and much confusion is being worked among the ranks. However, even though their impending retreat, many Jedi and innocents alike have died. It is definitely a heavy loss.

The attacks on Coruscant lessen but to not retreat as with the other planets, causing some speculation to arise among the council about why they continue to attack not just the Senate, but the whole planet. What else could be beneficial to their gaining the large city-covered terrain?
 
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