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A Niche in Time

I am all caught up! I owe no one a reply! That is a good feeling. Even with the group rp, I am caught up. Life is good. Lol. My vacation is over, and today I return back to work. I didn’t go anywhere, but taking time off from work was a good thing. I was burned out. We all need time to just recharge our batteries. I took it an enjoyed time with family as well as my friends here at BMR. All in all, it was a good vacation. I had taken the time off with the plans of going to meet with someone I’ve met online, but the plans fell through. So it looks like next month I may be planning the trip for then. Oh darn. I’ll have to take more of my vacation time. Lol.

My anxiety levels have been a roller coaster lately. Some days I’m fine, feeling like I’m part of the group, like I belong, and other days I find myself utterly jealous of certain people and feeling like I’m on the outside looking in. It’s something I cope with. I mean I know the truth. The people I’m talking about are my partners, my new friends, and yet at times I feel like I don’t belong with them. I just wish I didn’t feel like that at all. They’re really wonderful people, so full of life and this amazing energy. I’ve got high hopes for this rp we’re all taking part in. Most group rps don’t last that long. It seems to be the curse of group rps here, but this one has so much life in it. There are so many plots mapped out, yet to be played. So I’m hoping this one will last for a while. As far as rps go, I’m not taking on any new ones. It’s a matter of not wanting to become overloaded. I have one that has finished and one that I’m not sure if we’re going to let my last post be the last one or not yet. Reydan, if you read my journal, lol, are we finished with An Unknown Fate? Something Ordinary is the one that has come to a conclusion, and that was a pleasure to work with him on. The Two of Us is an interesting endeavor for me. It’s a first person rp. So far, so good. Then again, what more can I say? It’s always good when I work with Reydan. Sadly rl has interfered, and I think one of my partners may not be able to return to BMR. He hasn’t been seen online in a couple of months. So I shall send him an email. I think I already have, but I will send one more. If it goes unanswered, I will be putting MurderMe.com back up in the search for a partner. I have to have a certain feel, a certain vibe for a partner with this one. So I will say in advance that if anyone inquires about it, not that I expect that to happen, and I turn you down, it’s because that feel is not there. I mean for example, I don’t know that I could rp a violent rp with Reydan. I’ve seen him be dominating and mean, but violent? I don’t know that I could. I couldn’t do a romantic rp with Tyr. No way. His characters are anything but romantic. I received a post from Alvis on the group rp we’re doing, and I’ve never seen one of his characters as cruel as what he was. It was hard to take. Real hard. Heck I let two people in rl read what he posted. One cringed while the other one said that was mean. Lol. I replied to that one post last night, and it was something. So my point being if the feel isn’t there, I won’t do that rp with just anybody. I’d like to see the plot done all the way. We’ll see. I have another rp that I think may be coming to a close sometime as well. My partner and I have an incredibly slow posting rate for it. It’s an emotionally charged rp. What Goes Around dives into the depths of revenge and cruelty. I think DeRe and I are almost finished with that. It is so nice to work with such diverse and talented people. I still think about the partners who got away. Our rps didn’t work out, and as much as I would love to work with them again, it just doesn’t seem to be happening. So I give them a salute of respect for their persevering attitude and going forward in their search of, and finding, the right partners and plots for their tastes. May we all be so lucky. Have a good day BMR.
 
I’m having a tough day today. Anxiety levels are….I don’t know. Last night was….last night. I don’t want to go into too much detail about that as it involves other people. I don’t want to air out all of my dirty laundry. Then today I came across something that only made it worse. Feeling really low right now, and yet there’s this drive, this push, to keep going. I’ve got things I want to do today, things I have to do, and feeling this way is not going to stop me. There are some people that I would just love to grab and shake and say, “Look at me! Don’t you see me? Why can’t you help me?” It wouldn’t do any good though.
In other news that is kind of related to the above, the group rp is something I’m struggling with as well. It’s not really anyone’s fault either. I want to make that crystal clear. It’s mine, and my inability to play certain characters. That seems to bite me in the ass yet again.

Do you ever feel like you're passed over as a partner because you're just not good enough, for whatever reason? *sighs* Oh well. Have a good day Bluemoon.
 
Seems like the group rp I am a part of will be hold this weekend. All of the other members are going to be taking part in a celebration. I am the odd person out on this one. The only thing I will be doing is working. Lol.

The fourth of July is coming up. There are no celebrations for that in my future. Again, I will be working. I do have three days off after the fourth, and I may have plans for them. I have met someone online, and we both would like to get together. It seems like a good time to do so. I know it’s risky, for more than one reason. To be honest, last night I was fired up about it, ready to go, and yet today I’m having second thoughts. Strange the workings of the female mind. I know.

My other rps are doing fine. Ever so slow posting rate, and again I’m okay with that. The urge to start more is there, but I know better. That leads to being overwhelmed. Besides I do have rps that are waiting on replies from me. It’s a matter of having the right muse to write for them. I can force a reply, but I am a firm believer that a forced reply reads like a forced reply. It’s better to allow the creative energy to flow through you.

Aside from the group chat for the group rp on Skype, I haven’t been doing much chatting with my partners. I’m feeling that disconnect too. Not a pleasing feeing in the least. Old partners, current partners, they all seem to be slipping away. Perhaps I am nearing the end of my run here on BMR? Nah. I don’t want that. Life has just gotten hectic, busy as always. I’m indulging in the group rp, and I have two rps that are most deserving of a reply right now as they have been waiting. So one of my pm rps and my email rp will get the next replies. You hear that muse? So come on! Let’s get to it! I don’t have to go to work tonight. So I’m counting on you to come and visit with me.

Ever have that feeling that you’re sure a rp, a good rp, one that you enjoyed, was dying? It’s on the ground, twitching, barely clinging to life. You want to poke it with a stick, or a pm as the case may be, to see if there’s any chance there’s still some life left in it, but then you decide you’ll wait and see if it gets back up. Well I’ve got my stick in hand, and I’m about ready to poke this rp. I can smell the stench of decaying rp from over here. I don’t want it to be dead, but I feel the icy hand gripping the title of the rp and pulling it away. I just typed this message to my partner and deleted it. I think some things are best said in PM, and he certainly deserves that. So as time is drawing near for me to have to take a little trip out of town for a few hours, his pm message will have to wait. To my partners, both past and present, I do miss chatting with you. Send your old, or current, partner a message every once in a while. I certainly will be doing that to you all of you soon. Have a good day BMR.
 
^___^ I keep trying to message you... You're just never on Yahoo :p... Send me messages!!!! Lol ^___^ -hugs-
 
I'm always open for a chat by PM. If you want to vent or sound off, all you gotta do is message me. :)
 
I haven’t made a journal entry in some time. So here goes.

It’s official. I am now a member of Elliquiy. The application process was rather fun. Already I have one rp going there. It’s a continuation of another rp that I was a member of here. I’ll get more into that in a bit. I am going to be putting up an opener for another rp, and I am enjoying some back and forth posting in PM with someone as well. So Elliquiy seems to be good to me. Such promise from this site already has me smiling.

That doesn’t mean I’m leaving BMR. The group rp I was a member of, yes was as in past tense, has come to a close. I am rather sad to see it go. The creator of the rp, BurningWillows, is the person I have the continuation rp going on with on Elliquiy. We have taken our main characters from Eternal Peaks, and we’re rping what happens to them after the facilty collapses. Another rp, Accidents Happen, has also met it’s end. While I enjoyed working with Sync, and would gladly do so again, the rp simply came to an end. There are no hard feelings. I couldn’t be angry or upset with Sync if I tried. Lol. He’s a talented partner, and I understand these things. He was honest with me. That means something. I guess my luck with Aussie partners really does stink. Lol. Still I treasure the time I have with anyone, whether our rps meet a fitting conclusion or they end for whatever the reason may be. There’s no point in being angry with a partner who ends a rp. It’s not going to make the rp keep going, and even if it could, I wouldn’t want them to rp against their will. That’s ridiculous. There are far too many people looking to rp online to get upset about one. If the plot is good, fine. Look for it with someone else. You will get a different experience, and perhaps it could be even better than the one that just came to a close. So don’t get upset if you lose a rp. I know. Easier said that done. I’m sad over Eternal Peaks coming to a close. I’m sad over Accidents Happen coming to a close, BUT I understand it. These two rps came to a close, and more opened up to me. Life goes on. I’m already working with everyone from Eternal Peaks with other rps. The same offer can be made to Sync. If he ever wants to work with me again, I’d be happy to. This is something he’s already aware of. I don’t just have partners here. I make friends.

Well there is no rest for me on the weekends with my job. I have to work tonight, and so I’ll…..what’s that? The rp I have on Elliquiy? I’m sure it wouldn’t interest you. It does? Alright then. *grins* My partner plays an Englishmen who is hired by my character’s father to tend to his ‘babies’. She is shy and awkward. To say she’s not comfortable around men is an understatement. This rp will involve more of the seduction, the coaxing her from her shell more so than the sex. Sex will come, of course, but it’s the relationship that will receive more attention in the beginning. He will want her to come to him, and she’ll be driven to do so. Every step, every breath, tantalizing as she tempted to be closer to him. Her own desires, having gone unspoken, untouched, will slowly find life with him. I like my partner. He and I went back and forth on the 4 words after sex game board before I was approved. When I was approved, I sent him a message. Things could not be going better. So, as I was saying, I have to work tonight. So I hope everyone has a good weekend. Have a good day BMR.
 
I had to make this post. As for my rps, I am all caught up! Yes! It hasn't happened in a while it feels like.

Thread Rps
Keeping it in the Family, the Next Generation – Alvis Alendran
The Two of Us – Reydan
What Goes Around – DeRe
The Mages – Silverknight
Trophy Wife – Ladydark
Unearthly Lust – DonVoltonus
The Hotel – Reydan

PM
A Father’s Love – BennyQ
Tipping The Scales – AeonTralion
A Sweet Revenge – Deruckus
Summer With Daddy – Tyr

Email
Parental Guidance – Tyr

Elliquiy

Thread
Weeds in the Backyard
A Fresh Start

PM
No Title

So yeah. ALL of those. It’s been fun. Now to take a minute and enjoy it.

I've got to go to work today. Next week I'm on vacation. I'm not going anywhere, but at least I'm not going to work. It's paid vacation, and I'm helping out someone in my family that week. I don't mind at all. Well it's time to have some lunch before work. So have a good day Bluemoon.
 
I'm feeling the desire to pull away from rping. There are some things that have been going on lately, and it's just all making me want to disappear for the most part. So I'm sorry if I'm quiet. I'll still be around. My muse is taking a serious nose dive. Some of my partners, on both sites actually have gone silent for whatever their reasons may be. So I'm just shrugging my shoulders and saying, 'whatever.' It's not that I don't care. I do actually. Probably more than I should. It's that I'm so beaten down, and I'm so angry about certain things that have gone on. Now I'm going to sink back into the shadows.
 
I know how you feel. Not the anger part, but the lack of enthusiasm for writing and partners that have gone silent (they have their reasons, I'm sure).

I did send you a general feeler PM a while ago - you may have missed it. I'd be happy to write with you again, if you'd like.
 
Sync, you're a sweetheart, a true gentlemen. Thank you.

I understand real life being a priority with my partners. I really do. I don't want it to sound like I'm mad at them for that. I am not. I just want to make that clear to everyone. Te thing I'm angry about is something that happened, and I shouldn't be as angry about it as I am. It's something stupid, and yet I did get angry. Silly.

As for your PM, I was so sure I did reply to it. Let me check my inbox.
 
Things happen and people are stupid. I'm sorry if you are feeling so distant, we all get that way and I'm sure it will pass. Hope you get your muse back, plenty of people I'm sure will be needing you to come back ;) just sad it's not me.
 
^___^ life happens Sweety... And don't worry about our rp, it's not going anywhere... I'm just thinking up a post... So much has happened in ours :) and I've sent you a PM to... You aren't on Yahoo any more so we hardly talk :( I misses yous -hugs-
 
Thanks guys.

Sirix, you’re too sweet. I know it’ll pass. In fact, I can’t wait for it to. I want my muse back. I need my muse back. I don’t like feeling this way. I do think about our rp still. It was fun. I liked working with you. You were on my list that I had. Yeah. The list of people I wanted to rp with. Lol. I got the chance to rp with you, and I’m glad I did.

Ladydark, I have GOT get another YIM id up and running. My old one may not even be working anymore. I got a message to upgrade it, and I didn’t. Plus I forgot my password for it, and I can’t recover it. Lol. So I’m going to create a new one. I’ll send you a pm on here when I do so you can send me your ID again. I wanna make sure I get you added.

My partners here have been the best. I’ve always said that, and I mean it. I’m house sitting right now for someone in my family. I took the rest of my vacation time. So I’m getting paid for it. I woke up this morning not feeling well. I’m feeling better now. Please, if someone has a magic remedy to help my muse come back, tell me. Lol. Well I’m alone right now here, and I think I’m gonna go enjoy that. Plus I do need to put some clothes on. *grin* All I did was take a shower and wash my hair. Get your minds out of the gutter. Have a good night Bluemoon.
 
Well it's back to work today. My vacation is over. I took some paid time off. I'm almost caught up with all my rps. I only one rp to a PM rp. I just got his reply in last night though. I hope to have him a reply back tonight. My muse can be elusive at times. Her presence evades me for days at a time only to resurface when I think she's not coming back for a while or I've given up hope. I always welcome her back with open arms. Rping is something I enjoy, and equally so, I enjoy chatting with my partners. Time may not always be a luxury I have, but I do take great delight in seeing a new message. Perhaps I should start randomly sending a hello greeting to my partners here and there. Even to former partners I did that at one time. I would send a message saying hello and asking them how they were. Was there an alterier motive? Perhaps. lol. Maybe I missed rpging with them. Perhaps I missed them. It could be both. Some of my rps have slowed. Real life or they're dead in the water, a combination of both perhaps. In either event, I'm thinking about taking on some new rps. I haven't done cold calls in a while. It's not that I'm so popular people are lining up at my door. Oh no. Quite the opposite. I've just been so overloaded there was no way I could take on more. Now I find myself with rps having come to a conclusion, and I have one that is nearing it's finish. Add to that the fact that some of my rps are dead in the water or my partners are busy, and I have some openings. I don't want to take on too many, as I have some rps going on Elliquiy, but I am thinking about taking on some new ones.

We shall see, but for now I have to be getting ready to leave. I have to go to work tonight. Also I would like to go visit some family before I have to go in. So have a good day Bluemoon.
 
Openings? DIBS. Haha suckers, too late. Glad to hear the muse has returned, even if she can be a bit fleeting.
 
I haven’t been all that active lately. Real life has just been so busy. I work nights, closing my department. I actually noticed yesterday I’m signed up for a class, and I don’t know for sure what it’s about. I have a good idea, a real good idea, but again, I don’t know for sure. The class may be the first in the electrical department. I was asked by my department head what other departments I would like to be PK certified in. I said electrical and flooring because they’re my sister departments. In our store, the surrounding departments that are my sister departments are garden, electrical, and flooring. Garden I already know. It was the department I worked when I first started with the company. I never got my PK certification. When I started, I was hired as seasonal. After the spring season, they let go a lot of people. I managed to stay on. When they moved me from garden to paint, I became part time. Now I’ve interviewed for two full time positions. I didn’t get them, but I’m going to keep trying.

On another front, I do spend a lot of time with family. Across the street from me, I have family that I see almost every day. ‘Jessie’ lives there with her baby and her grandparents. Her grandparents work during the day. I go down there during the day to help out with the baby. I love the little guy.

So basically I get up, go across the street, stay there most of the day, go to work at night, go back to see the little guy at night, and then I go home. That’s my day most of the time. I love it, and it’s busy. My muse is here. I want to write. It’s just a matter of finding time. It doesn’t seem to matter much though. Some of my rps are dying, dead, or my partners are going through something. Seems to be happening on both sites. On Elliquiy I have three rps, and it’s only happening with one. Here on BMR it seems to be more of a problem. Maybe a better way to describe it is that everything is moving slow, or at least it appears to be. Like work, I’m going to keep trying. Rping is something I enjoy, and I’m going to keep doing it. Sometimes I feel as though I’m stuck in a rut of playing the same types of characters though. Then when I say I want to do something from different from the incest, abusive, Master/slave roles, I get scared because the plot or setting takes me out of my comfort zone. I want to push past that. I’d like to try and play a different type of character. I can play strong, confident, bitchy even, as well as quiet and shy. So I need to get my feet wet and not be scared at the first hint of anything I don’t know or understand. The people aren’t going to bite if I ask for help or time to research for a post. I’ve expanded my limits. Now it’s time to push my boundaries with plots as well.

Well I have to go. I’ve got a little man standing up in his play pen next to me. Have a good day Bluemoon!
 
Well it's Saturday night! I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I had to work tonight. Yay! Go work! lol. At least I have the next two, count 'em two, days off. I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much as I would like to. Life interrupts. Real life is always more important. Add to that the fact that I'm tired at night and have other things going on and on my mind. Still I hope to get more writing done in the next couple of days. I've done some posts today. I know I owe one in thread and two in PM. That's on this site. On Elliquiy I owe one in thread and one in PM. So it's not that I'm really far behind, but I do owe replies. So to my partners that are waiting on me, I'll try to have you something in the next day or two. You guys, and girls, yes there is more than one girl I now rp with, are the best. As much as I would like to stay up and keep typing here, I am going to take a hot shower and climb into bed. I'm going to church in the morning with my family.

Have a good night Bluemoon!
 
I'm managing a few replies before I have to go out for the day. I've already done one here, and in doing so, my thread rps are all caught up. Yay. lol. I'm going to Elliquiy now to do one in thread there. That may be all I manage for the day. It may not. Depends. I'd like to do more. We'll see. I have some pms I want to reply to as well. Not rps. Just pms. Life is just so busy, and I love it. I don't have much time to be bored. It's nice. Sometimes I'd like more time to do what I want. Then when I'm lucky enough to get it, I end up watching movies and sleeping. lol. Isn't that always the way I guess. Another note, I no longer use YIM. So if we're friends there, don't look for me to be there. If you're on BMR, and you want to contact me, you will either do it here somehow or on Skype. Sorry. YIM wanted me to update, and I had long ago forgotten my password. So I tried to reset my password, but the Hotmail account I used as a backup place for them to send me a new password is one I've forgotten the password to. lol. So basically I can't reset the password, and they wanted me to update it too. So I just said forget it. I didn't have too many people that I talked to there anyways. Still I wanted to make mention of it here.

Well I'm about to get ready and leave. I'm going to visit little man, and then I've got a long day at work. I want to speak with someone at my job about organizing a food drive next month since Thanksgiving is that month, and I also want to ask about organizing a toy drive for the month of December. The holidays are coming up, and I'd like to do something nice. The church I go to does something called shoeboxes for Christmas. You buy the plastic shoebox containers and fill them with things for kids. They send them overseas to kids. I want to do three. This month is Halloween. I'd like to pull off a zombie look for work as we're allowed to dress up. Oh and my birthday is next week. Yay! lol. So now that I've rambled a bit more, I'll go now.

Have a good day Bluemoon!
 
One of my partners celebrated her birthday yesterday. While I told her happy birthday on Skype, I wanted to do so here as well. Happy Birthday BurningWillows! I hope you had a good one, and may the coming year bring you everything you want and need.

I actually have some free time today. So I’m going to work at getting those two pm rps answered here, plus one in thread, and maybe even answer my pms. It’s a lot to do, but I want to get those things done today. If not before I go to work, then after if I can.

Have a good day Bluemoon!
 
All my rps are caught up. Wow. It's happening a bit more now. I'm glad, but at the same time, I want to look for more. Lol. I'm afraid though that if I do go and find more, that I could become overwhelmed. Life is busy for my partners. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've lost one. It saddens me deeply. I do hope he's doing well, and if he reads this, I hope he knows that I'm talking about him.

It's the weekend, and I have to work all of it but Sunday. No rest for the weary. It's okay though. I asked if we could do a food drive, and the idea is going to be brought up at the next meeting on Monday. So I'm happy about that. Well I have a few more things to do before I leave again for today.

Have a good day Bluemoon!
 
Today is my birthday! Tonight I’m going to dinner with family, and I took the day off from work. I’d like to work on my request thread tonight. I want to take on some new rps.

Well I have to take care of few things before going out tonight. So have a good night Bluemoon!
 
Happy birthday, Nich. :) Hope you have a good time celebrating with your family.
 
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