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Medieval Fun Time Land (Anyone can join)

RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

[[Upon inspection the armor appears to have magical properties]]

"Hey it looks like this armor gives...holy shit, plus TWELVE?! Plus twelve to...um...what the hell is Wu Tang?" Unable to quell her curiosity, Lena removed her breastplate, letting her unimpressive chest enjoy the open air for a moment before cinching the other breastplate on instead. It didn't have much of a push-up effect, so she still looked rather flat chested compared to her other top. "I don't feel any--SHAME ON A NIGGA WHO TRY TO RUN GAME ON A NIGGAAAAOH SHIT I think this armor is racist!"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Well, paying the Lord today was going to be a complete disaster, seeing how Dmitrei didn't even make it back to his territory. The bandits realized that he had a grand total of 35 gold pieces in him, 5 gold short of even affording a block of cheese. Pissed at the fact that they would no make the killing of a score that they should have by robbing a noble, they sprinkled 'Cursed Confetti' on him and turned him to stone, an inanimate life-size version of himself.

They did screw up the chant that went with the magical curse, and it rendered the spell around 80% effective. Though his body was stone, Dmitrei was still able to emit a low frequency that destroyed the bandit's panties. The stone Elven lord didn't even make it to Spinefang, and in his frustration his screams rendered the panties of all that passed him in the road as good as useless.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Vivi commented on the armor while looting the dude she decapitated. "I think it's something for children," she said.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon gathered up his loot from the three crispified corpses at his feet. Suddenly, he stooped down again, picked up a sword, and held it aloft while a "DA DA DA DAAAAA!!!!" sound played. A text box appeared before him, describing the weapon.

[["You got the Burnt Bandit Blade!

Set it to B and use it to slice and dice your enemies while dealing a small amount of fire damage! This added effect uses your magic meter, so keep an eye on it."]]

"Gods dammit..." he muttered, getting out of the silly position as the text box disappeared. "I hate when that happens..."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

"You think that sword makes you a playa, fool?! You don't know me! What?! What? ! Oh damn I'm sorry, Lena said, finally getting control of herself. "I don't know why but I'm really really angry all of a sudden." Stripping off the new breastplate calmed her down sharply. It was comfortable, sure, but it seemed to come with a lot of unresolved daddy issues.

"Hey Vivi, anything good on your kill?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Vivi ogled her as she kept changing her breastplates. Now that she was becoming used to her presence as an ally, she'd started to see her as a worthwhile ogle-object and not just a potential customer.

She looked over her pickings. "Eh. A coin purse with a few coins. Looks like... a mandolin? He must have been the party's bard."

She slung her weapon across her back and started picking at the instrument, a soulful rendition of something that sounded suspiciously like Stairway to Heaven.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Lena caught Vivi staring at her chest and she blushed, feeling strangely embarrassed that the other girl was checking her out. It wasn't that she was ashamed of being seen naked, in fact she was rather shameless about that, it's just that she never quite came to terms with how small her chest was, especially around other girls. She cinched her old push-up plate back into place, feeling a little more confident in the increased bust. That piece she looted might have been useless and rather unpleasant, but the enhancement was still a +12 and it would bring a great price at a pawn shop.

"I like that tune," she said, pulling out her Dracopolitan copy again as they resumed their walk along the path to Spinefang. The page she'd randomly flipped to had a diagram for the best way to take a minotaur cock, which apparently involved doing a handstand and whistling. Huh, who'd have thunk it? "Hey, do you know the Bear and the Maiden Fair?"



[[The bottom pieces of the girls' outfits begin to vibrate strangely as they move along the path, as though some distant reverberation is destabilizing their molecular structure. For now it's actually very pleasant feeling]]
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Vivi looked away quickly when she drew Lena's attention, also blushing. She wondered if maybe she should say something. Maybe pay her meager but still shapely bosom a compliment?

Thankfully the elf gave her a way out with a conversation topic.

"I do indeed know that... though when it comes to bawdy music I much prefer The Hedgehog Song." She once again gave a surreptitious glance at the magazine, but quickly cringed away. Ewwww. Unfortunately, a fan of the D she was not.

She tried to ignore the tingle as best she could, mistaking it for further attraction to the elf.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

The vibrations became stronger as a result of the trio getting closer to the statue, and the lord getting more frustrated. He could feel his limbs begin to ache as they were forcibly held in place. Stone Dmitrei was standing up, with his arms to his sides.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

"Hehehe, hedgies are so spiky," Lena said, having spent many an hour scritching their fuzzy little bellies at the local pet shop. Don't judge her. She couldn't help notice that she seemed to be offended by the magazine, so Lena tucked it away in her bag for the time being. "Heh...I guess it's a bit low-brow reading material. But the road is boring, you know how it is." That tingling feeling was really starting to affect her body. She was a little sore still from last night, but the healing high and the constant vibration was making up for that and she felt her face flush with undeniable arousal. In fact, she barely caught a moan escaping from her lips, cutting it off and making it sound more like an awkward hiccup.

"Umm...almost forgot, here's your sash back," she said, handing the flimsy material back to its owner. "Thanks for helping me out earlier. Speaking of..." Lena lowered her voice, leaning in to whisper like any proper conspiracy. "Um, I don't know how long this potion high lasts, but I'm all out of normal ones. I'm gonna be in a really bad way soon."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon could hear some sort of low rumble, but he didn't know what it was- that is, until the trio rounded the bend in the road.

A stone man stood in the middle of the road, seemingly producing the low-frequency humming. Something about him, though, was familiar. "Dmitrei?" The dark elf's eyes widened in shock. It didn't matter what sort of argument he and the noble wood elf had gotten into, nobody deserved to be stuck in stone like that. He started charging a weak spell, hoping to blast the stone off of him.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Her blush deepened. "Well, I mean. Not a problem with low brow or nothin'. I'm just not the target audience. Kind of a mag for preppy straight chicks you know?"

Glad to be moving on to a different topic, she slipped back into her drug dealer persona to extol the virtues of her product.

"Well, luckily there's a variety of ways to use the magenta potion. There's the slashing method I showed you before... you can spread it on bread and eat it (goes great with peanut butter)... you can mix it up in a cocktail... you can even heat it up and breathe in the fumes. That's probably the best for getting a long lasting high off of it."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

The spell that Michon cast managed to blow some stone off of him in the crotch, but it hurt like a motherfucker. He screamed in pain, mostly muffled, but the resulting vibrations were the strongest yet
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

When Vivi mentioned Dracopolitan was a magazine for straight girls, it finally clicked in Lena's head and she giggled at how oblivious she'd been. She discreetly slid a different mag out of her pouch, passing the copy of Monster Girls Quarterly to Vivi behind her back. "Pssst...check out the mind flayer on page 54. She'd be totally worth the risk, heheh."

"Woah," she said as Michon blasted away the chunk of stone. "Did you just shoot him in the dick? Blarg, why am I running around with a dick shooting maniac?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Míchon facepalmed. "Gods... It's not like I was even aiming there..." He turned from the stoned (hehe!) wood elf to Vivi."Just how strong is that potion of yours? Would it cure something like this?"
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

"It's designed to heal wounds, not status ailments," Vivi said, perhaps a tad snobbishly.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Lena cringed at the thought, but reached into her bag and produced a vial of stone to flesh potion. The thin yellow liquid sloshed around in its crystal vial as she weighed the decision. "I really, really wanted to see how this felt later," she said. "Aww, maaaaan...this was gonna be a great high."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Even though every fiber of his being was screaming at him to not do it, Míchon grabbed the vial from Lena and cast its contents onto Dmitrei.

[[The rection is almost instant, freeing the wood elf noble from his prison.]]

"Sorry about your potion, Lena. I owe you one." Míchon said. "Welcome back to the world of the living, Dmitrei."
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

"Awww, maaaaaaaaaaaan!" Lena's heart sank as the vial's contents splashed across Dmitrei, dissolving the stone prison that held him. Her skin had already started to itch from withdrawal as the last remnants of the magenta wore off. She needed to get healed again soon or she'd be in a bad way. Of course, that meant she needed to get hurt again if the magic was to have any effect at all.

"Hey Vivi," she whispered, drawing close to the drug dealing assassin. "I think I need another dose. How...how much did you want for a bottle?" That familiar panic was starting to creep into Lena's stomach, a cold, sinking feeling that could only be assuaged by giving in and taking the next healing dose. She looked at her traveling companion with undisguised need in her eyes, a truly pathetic specimen of elven decadence.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Vivi handed her the jar. "Here, just take it. Consider it party goods for now. I'll take the cost of it out of your share of the money once we're done with this job."

She then dared to flash a sly grin. "Of course in the mean time maybe you can pay me back in some other way. Tee hee."

Omg I actually said that out loud. Fuuuuck. Stupid. I must sound like such a tool.
 
RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)

Sploosh. Did she just say what she thought she just said?

This was some pretty new territory for Lena. She'd been with girls before, sort of. There was always a sword point involved one way or another. Hey, to the victor go the spoils, okay? Don't judge her. But the thought of actually trying to get with a girl without any kind of violent preamble...well, damn. That was a tricky concept. With guys it was simple. Just spread legs and show them your vajunks and you're usually good to go. Girls though...

"A-heh," she chuckled nervously, blushing deeply. "Um...thank you for the potion. This'll be enough for a couple days at least. You...you know..." Okay, girl, you can do it. "Uh...if you really did wanna do that whole 'alternative payment' thing, I wouldn't mind. I'd really like that, actually." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnd she was going down in flames. Crash. Burn. Stick a fork in her and hit her with a big cartoon mallet, she was done.
 
Vivi could have choked. It was time to regain her composure and act way too cool and superior for this whole situation.

"Well yes, of course. You can shine my boots for me, for instance. Polish my weapons. Act like my personal maidservant."

She closed her eyes with a smirk and cocksure cock of her head, waving her hand dismissively. "What did you think I meant? It's... it's not like I like you or anything baka."
 
Lena was powerless in the face of such epic tsundere charm, and immediately swooned whilst the entire background changed to flowers in the springtime or a picture of Mt Fuji or something. "I hope senpai will notice me," she found herself saying absent-mindedly, momentarily believing that the only way to win Vivi's heart would be putting on the best show at the autumn festival, before snapping back to reality and remembering that she wasn't in a bad shoujo manga. "B-bakana chikushyou! Hontou watashi ga totemo kirei desu yo~! Watashi to deeto shite!" She had to slap herself before she went full weeaboo. You never go full weeaboo.

"Holy crap," she gasped. "I think we just had a genre breach. Back on topic, are you sure I couldn't offer you a vagina-based payment?"
 
Dmitrei simply blinked at the elf who splashed him with the potion. Once again, his clothes were wet. Dmiteei was too much of a spoiled little bastard to even say thank you
He glared at the man, and then stared at the ground. He didn't want to lose his temper again.

The two ladies who accompanied him were speaking of doing the unthinkable, engaging in lady-gay. Gay was possibly the worst thing that you could do, or at least according to backwoods wood elf sensibilities. "Absolutely sick. This world has gone to hell. People openly discuss things like this? "He pushed past the two ladies and stomped like a big grumpy-face down the road. "I have got to get home!!
 
Vivi was going to feign ignorance about the whole vagina payment thing, but but in a fit of pique and haughtiness in regards to the Douchemitri's homophobic sentiments she decided to skip all that bullshit, activate godmode (even though it was against the roleplay rules), grab Lena and start making out with her well in view of the wood elf.

With, like, tongue and everything.
 
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