RE: Medieval Fun Time Land (the musical)
A suitably dramatic lull came over the tavern, and in that moment, a woman, who had the unfortunate (but still kinda cool) name of Vivisection swung open the door. Most eyes turned on her, which made her feel rather nervous, but quickly turned away. She was decent looking, with a decent enough figure-- certainly a killer set of hips-- but her garb wasn't too alluring and she was by far too amazonian for most of the patrons' tastes. She strode on over to the bar with as much confidence as she could muster.
"I hear you sell healing potions here," she said.
"That's right," replied the barkeep, looking her over. "Sixty gold apiece."
"That so?" she said slyly,twirling a single, polished platinum coin between her knuckles. "I'd like to see one first. If you don't mind."
"Sure." The barkeep took out one of the red vials. The woman snatched it away from him, uncorked it, dipped her finger into it for a moment for a taste. The barkeep began to protest, but she silenced him with a shake of her head as she put corked the vial and put it back on the counter.
"Word around town is you have a taste for pretty young boys, barkeep."
Somewhat confused by her topic, he answered hesitantly, "And what if I do?"
"It's just, if you're gay, I would like to know. Why are you trying to fuck me?"
"Excuse me?"
"This potion is cut with holy water. It's disgusting. How can you actually sell this to people?"
"Look here missy, I think you'd best leave." He cast a glance at two brutish, but coordinated, looking orcish bouncers.
"If any of you want some real quality potion... some spell quality potions, have I got something for you." She held up a small jar of magenta-ish substance.
One of the orcs began to approach. She gave a sharp glance and held him at bay with her free hand to his swole pectoral.
♪duh nuh, duh nuh, duh nuh, duh nuh♪♫
"Monstrous invasions have ravaged the realm.
Healers flailed as the body count rose.
And then they made, a potion which granted...
The power of healing to average joes!
And you can fix up your bones... and your kidneys.
For every potion, an organ regrows...
But best you be diligent... with stocking your pockets
Cuz if you run out and you die, well that blows
♪♫ duh nuh, duh nuh, duh nuh, duh nuh ♪
"It's quick! It's clean! It's pure!
It will save your life, rest assured,
It's a brand new potion of... cure!
And it's my job... to HEY WAIT!"
"No singing in the tavern," growled the barkeep.
The orc grabbed her by the scruff of her neck while the other held the door open. As the bouncer dragged her over and threw her out she could be heard protesting,
"No, I thought this was a musica--ouf!"