Repentance the Sin-(Avengers) Moon/Addie13

FoxWriter

FoxWriter

Cluster
Joined
Jan 20, 2011
Location
in the realm of lust and seduction
It was just an average day for the people in Chicago, just another normal average day. The hospitals where even having a calm day, not a whole lot of people needed the emergency services, maybe that was why everyone noticed when the Ambulance came, with the half naked young man inside. Some of them might even recognize him from video feed after the massive battle in Manhattan. It had gone worldwide, the story of the Avengers and the massive battle to protect the earth from alien invaders. Loki Laufeyson, Prince of the Frost Giants, traitor of Asgard, trickster god and would be ruler of Midgaurd. He was in pitiful shape to say the least, though what he was doing back on Midgaurd was a mystery. Not even S.H.E.I.L.D or the Avengers knew he was there. No warning had been given that Loki had escaped, been released, or been banished. It was probably only luck that he hadn't previously been discovered.

It was hard to look at the young God, who was so pale he was white, and not feel sorry for him. He was filthy, covered in dirt and muck, his hair was in dirty tangles around his shoulders. He had clearly not bathed in well over a week, though he didn't stink, thank goodness. He was missing his shirt, showing large bruises across his shoulders and back and belly. As if he had been letting someone hit him where it would hurt the most. The most shocking thing though, was the fact that he had clearly slit his own wrists, and they where still bleeding, as was his neck, where he had tried, and failed to slit that too. He was staring with blank eyes of emerald green... which was wrong. The one honest picture everyone had of Loki, his eyes had been a pale icy blue hadn't they?

It took well over four hours to stabilize him. To get his heart beating properly. They'd had to resuscitate him three times, and every time he was conscious... he told them with a dead voice, to leave him alone so he could die in peace and finally pay for his crimes. It was clear to anyone who worked on him, that the rumors of Loki being bat-shit insane was true, and so when he was finally stable, he was moved into the high security mental ward, mostly because they weren't sure if he was a danger to others as well as himself. He woke slowly and sighed as he realized he wasn't in the depths of the endless abyss that he had expected to end up in when he died, and he wasn't in Hel either. Which meant he was not dead, and he had not paid for his crimes. He was laying on a bed, and his very sore wrists, where chained very tightly to the bed-handles. His chest, hips, and legs where strapped down too, making sure he couldn't even so much as twitch, which meant he could neither try again, nor hurt anyone else. Little did anyone know, S.H.I.E.L.D now new the Godling was on earth, and they had sent someone to investigate as soon as Loki was admitted into the hospital.
 
Why the bloody hell did they think sending her to greet the God of Mischief was a good idea? They knew well enough that she hated the man, hated everything he had done to their world and she had her own personal hatred for him as well. It wasn't that much of a surprise, however. Anyone who had nearly killed you twice, and left you thinking you might never walk again, didn't exactly deserve your praise. However, everyone was busy dealing with something else at the moment, a higher threat seeing as how Loki was in pretty bad condition. They figured the scientist, who had no experience on the field, could go interrogate him.

He had taken a lot from her, and had almost taken everything away. She'd been out of work for months after he nearly sawed her in half, back when he came to declare war on their world. She'd been stuck in a hospital bed, while SHIELD worked on using the new technology they had come up with to heal her legs, to get them into working order again. However, she'd grown scared after that point. To have learned that there was something more out there in the world, more than they could have possibly ever understood.... And that the world was really not a safe place. She had honestly even considered giving up her work with SHIELD in its entirety. However, after a pep talk from Tony and Thor, she'd decided against that action. What really upset her the most, had to be the fact that Thor seemed so heartbroken. He had lost a brother, something that she couldn't possibly sympathize with, having never had a family much herself. But seeing him as sad and broken as he was when around herself and Jane... It just hurt and she wanted to do anything to help him feel better.

Flipping her red hair back, a rather displeased expression settling across her face, she started walking down the halls of the hospital, moving towards the psych ward. Anytime anyone attempted to stop her, she'd flash her badge in an irritated manner before moving along on her way. Needless to say, she wasn't in the best of moods. She honestly thought they should have just let him die. Hadn't that been what he was asking for? It only seemed fitting, for all the lives he'd taken, after all.

She finally reached his room and after arguing with the ones watching the door, she finally came inside. "Well, well, well.... Look how the mighty have fallen," Ana quipped, eyes studying the man on the bed.
 
Fury had been completely unsympathetic with Ana. she was the only one who could go, as they where more worried about the anomaly in Madagascar than they where about some half dead godling, who had apparently been living on the streets for well over a month. Fury figured if Loki hadn't caused trouble yet, then he probobly wasn't going to. as weak and pathetic as Loki was right then, they all doubted the God would be good for anything but dying as it was anyway. Fury simply told Ana to treat it as a training exercise and to get it done with before he booted her in the ass and MADE her do it. he didn't care about such things as 'personal feelings'. after all, he hated Loki too, after what had happened to Agent Coulson. something was fishy about Loki though, something stunk of conspiracy here and Fury didn't have the time to deal with it, so he sent his trainee scientist instead. smart woman, but she complained too much.

Loki was resting on the bed, dozing lightly when she came in and he blinked blearily at her when she came in, a small, weak chuckle filling the room as he turned his head to look at her proper. "yes... the mighty." Loki muttered. "i have never been mighty, you know.. not once.." he whispered, every word filled with pain, and not all of it physical. "is this not what i deserve? for the crimes i have committed? my own daughter would not even take me into her arms, my precious Hel." he whispered, closing his eyes. "i wish to die and none will let me. why should i not suffer properly? why should i not have the skin stripped from my bones day after day? or is my mental anguish of knowing what i did, crime enough?" he asked, seeming to forget she was there before his emerald eyes flicked to hers again, pinning her in place. there was deep sorrow in those pretty green eyes. guilt, and shame, and rage, and fear. "sometimes the worst punishment of all, is in letting someone live." he whispered before he shuddered and slipped off to sleep, one of the doctors approaching the woman, cautious of the Agent.

"he's been talking like that every time he wakes up." the young nurse explained. "when he was drugged with painkillers, he kept talking about 'not letting the Voice back in'... it's oddly like a normal person with a severe case of Schizophrenia... i think that Loki has been insane for a very long time." the young doctor admitted, blinking at Ana. "are you here to take him into custody? i have to warn you, he's a high risk. i doubt he would hurt anyone else, but as soon as he get's his strength back, he's going to try again. he's desperate to die, only unlike people, who use Death as an escape, he wants to die so he can..." she paused and glanced at the clipboard in her hands. "...be forever punished in the shadowy embrace of Niflheim, time and time again... i don't know what Niflheim is, but i imagine it's his version of Hell." the young woman admitted. "most people view death as an escape, a way to get away from the world and it's pain... he's trying to kill himself to be punished, because apparently 'the feeble minds of humans cannot begin to imagine the correct pain for the crimes of my level... he's a very disturbed man." the Doctor admitted with a shake of her head.
 
This was not Loki. There was no way this was the same man who had tried so hard to defeat the Avengers, to claim this world as his own. Those eyes were not the same icy blue they had been before, and his words, while eloquent, did not match something that she'd heard escape his lips in any time or place before this. However, it had to be him, and something had to have happened to make him break so easily. She looked confused now, having suddenly lost all will to do him harm. Wouldn't she be no better than him? To strike him when he was already so far down? She pursed her lips now, turning towards the doctor as she approached. ".... I have strict orders to bring him in." However, she was starting to make her own plan with her own intentions. None harmful, of course. At least, not towards him.

"Voice, eh?" she asked, pursing her lips. "I would like to request that you do not give him any more medication, no more sedatives, nothing that will cloud his thoughts. I wish to speak to him when he is conscious once again, without his mind being cluttered from medication." She took a seat near the bed now, leaning back with her legs crossed. "Oh, and that also means in private, Doctor. No recordings and no eavesdropping. Or the penalty will be high." She could see why Fury would send her now. She was good at intimidation and being professional when it was needed. But, he had made a rather big mistake in allowing her to come. He forgot the main reason she didn't work the field: Her heart was too big at times.
 
The doctor nodded before looking stricken. "you can't be serious! do you have any idea how much pain he's going to be in!? he's barely reacting to the strongest painkillers we have as it is! we've had to double the dose just to keep him under control and out of pain!" the doctor complained before sighing. "fine! but you WILL call me as soon as your done! i won't have him in any more pain than he needs to be in! it's bad enough he managed that kind of damage with the rusty lid of a tin can! i won't have you making his pain any worse." the Doctor stated, intimidated, but not willing to back down simply because the man had tried to take over the world. she sniffed at Anna and stalked off, leaving the woman alone with the worlds biggest bad guy. not that he looked the part now, he looked highly pathetic, almost broken now.

"You are still here..." Loki rasped after a long nap three hours long., blinking at her. the nurse was wrong, the painkillers she gave him did nothing but cloud his mind, it did nothing for the pain. "where you waiting until i was awake and aware before meting out punishment to me?" Loki asked, blinking at her. "did you think i would scream for you? i can, if you would like. i can scream until my voice breaks and bleeds if that is what you desire from me, but you will have to hurt me well and good before i can scream." he admitted, staring at the ceiling. "will it be torture for me? i am sure that the man, i forget his name. with the chocolate colored skin and the eye-patch, i am sure he wants answers to things i have no answers to. there is no Thor here to protect me now, i doubt he even knows that the All-Father has banished me. poor little Thor, lost his baby brother..." he looked at her again, his eyes blazing with rage now. "but i was never his brother... did you know? the All-Father, he never intended me to be a 'son'... no i was naught but a slave the moment i was taken into Asgard... and all knew it but Thor and I." he closed his eyes, in pain and tired. "what would you ask for, where i to beg?" Loki wondered, his mind wandering, unable to focus through the pain. "what would you take from me, in return for death? where i to threaten you properly, would you kill me, and send me into the the Punishment of Nifleheim, or would you try to punish me for yourself?" he asked, looking at her, his head cocked to the side. "have you ever been unmade? have you ever had someone, something else slip inside your body like a puppet, and walk around without your leave? i have." Loki whispered. "i have..." he shuddered violently. "and no one noticed... not one person." he seamed to focus again and stared at her for a moment. "your'e not like most humans..."
 
Ana felt no guilt. Quite honestly, she could still see the pain in his eyes and felt that the medicine was not working anyways. Besides, she needed to speak with him properly and did not believe it could be done while on the medication he was being fed through the tubes. Hearing him awaken now, her eyes snapped to look at him, brows raising as he went onto his long soliloquy. "Are you quite done?" she asked now, when he'd gone silent. Scooting her chair closer to him now, she looked him over. "Knock off the pity party for yourself, you're not the only one who's been through hell and back," she said simply. "You act as if no one has ever experience the pain of rejection and loss. You did not have a real family, but your brother cares for you. If not related by blood, it doesn't not matter. You two were raised together, and he cares for you as if you were of the same flesh."

Pausing now, she crossed her arms, letting out a small huff. She didn't want to have to get into this, but it would seem she'd need to if she wanted him to listen. "I have no family. I, too, was taken in. My mother did drugs while pregnant with me, and I was taken away at a very young age. I was adopted soon after, but when I turned sixteen years old, I learned the truth. I wasn't their daughter, they didn't even think of me as one. I was simply a tool for them to use, to achieve fame through the pathetic pageants they do to parade girls around in frilly dresses and caked on make up. I had no family, and I was kicked out at a young age, unable to fend for myself."

Realizing now that she was getting a little too angry, she relaxed herself, trying to focus more clearly on the matter at hand. "I do not come offering death nor punishment. I want answers, but I have an offer for you, if you are willing to accept," she said, crossing her arms. She did feel some sympathy towards him now, realizing that their pasts weren't entirely different. Though, she was definitely curious about the mention of being someone's puppet. Just what did that mean, exactly? "But if I were to do my end of the bargain, I need you to keep yours." Of course, she hadn't told him his end just yet, but hopefully he would agree.
 
Loki laughed weakly as she asked if he was done. "ah, the folly of youth." he whispered. "you think my brother cares for me? if he 'Cared' for me at all, he would not have abandoned me when i needed him the most. you think you know pain? you know nothing of true pain. you know nothing of true rejection... or where you abandoned as a baby simply because you where 'too small' like some common beast?" he smirked at her. "still, it's nice to see someone not afraid of me, i can't seam to focus... my brain is... scrambled, like someone beat my brains like an egg..." he admitted, staring at the ceiling. "my brother cares little for me. oh, he does now, now that he's almost lost me, but until the moment i had him cast out, he barely even looked at me. i was an embarrassment to him, and to my father. neither of them cared about me, or cared what was done to me..." he blinked at her. stunned by what she was saying, his head cocked to the side. "...perhaps you do understand then." he murmured. "you know true pain... the pain that comes when you realized that they never loved you and never cared..." he muttered before snorting. "well, Thor cares about me NOW..." he muttered. before he frowned at the ceiling.

"how strange, that everything be white.." he muttered. "do people go mad in here?" he didn't seam to understand the idea of a mental ward. "i think people would go mad in here... they should put in some color... like, yellow, and green, and...well, no not red.." he muttered. "it is a Healing House after all..." funny how he refrained from mentioning blue. "...an offer? you would make a deal with the devil?" Loki asked, his lip twitching as if he wanted to smile. "do you not know? of course you don't. you humans have forgotten the Truth of the Old Ways... i may not be an Aeser..." he paused. "a God... Thor is an Aeser... but i am still bound by the Old Laws, as are all of the primordial beings. once i give my Word, i cannot go back on it." he explained. "although, i can state my Word in a way that leaves me loopholes, so you should always be cautious when agreeing to a deal. particularly when you are dealing with a Dark Elf or a trickster like myself." he warned, studying her. "but, my curiosity is piked. and i don't have much else to do but lay here and wait for death. i'm sure one of the doctor will kill me soon, it would be easy... very easy, even painless... a little air-bubble in my life support... it bothers me..." he admitted, scowling down at his arm where the IV was. "they have a metal thing buried inside of me... i don't much care for the idea... what was i talking about?" he asked, blinking at her. "oh, right, the deal." he muttered. "and how i can't break my word..."

he smirked at her, odd moment of 'crazy' over with and back to his normal, lucid, quick tongued self. "so tell me, what this 'Deal' of yours would consist of, and i'll consider if it is worth my time. after all, once i regain my strength, there is not much you would be able to do to keep me here. and even Hel will have to accept me once i am well and truly dead." he pointed out. "i suppose i could answer whatever silly questions you have... it's only fair, since you told me such a.. private, story about yourself. equal trade and all that, i am the god of chaos and lies, but even i play fair.... mostly."
 
He was so out of it! She was having difficulty following each different strain of thought he would go off on. However, she did her best to listen and pay close attention. "Yes, I know true pain, and while you may not think Thor does not care, he does. You did not have to spend time with him when you were off trying to destroy our world, or after he thought you dead. He was a mess, a big sobbing mess. It was utterly disgusting. He was like a grown child. I have nothing against children, but him..." She wrinkled her nose, trying to relax. "Anyways, my deal," she said, letting him continue on for a moment before allowing a smirk to rise to her lips. "I don't plan on trying to keep you here, in fact, that's what my deal is about. I will take you home. With me. I will tell the others that you escaped, and we will let them think it to be true. I am very trusted among my colleagues. They would believe me, especially because they know I have a rather strong hatred towards you. After all, you nearly did take my life twice." She had the scar to prove it, too.

"I offer you refuge to get better, and to allow you to leave. No one deserves to die for their sins. That's ridiculous. The only way to get better, is to try and do something about it yourself. Death is a coward's way out, and I'm offering you the chance for redemption in another way. Not that you want it, of course. After you're better, I'll turn the other way and let you do as you wish, because you're right. There isn't anything I can do to stop you. I'm only human, after all."

She looked him over now, brows arching. "What do you say? You're in a mental institution, they think you're insane. I, however, don't agree. I think there's something more going on here, and before as well, than meets the eye. They don't call me one of the world's brightest minds for no reason, you know. I'm giving you the opportunity for someone to pay attention and listen, something that neither of us had growing up. What do you say?"
 
Loki stared at her for a long moment and then. "Thor has always been a child. a spoiled one. he cares deeply only for himself. he did not cry for me, he cried because he could no longer have me." Loki stated with a shrug. "much the way a small child cries when they lose a favorite toy. he did grow a lot during his time on earth though, he might honestly care about my health now... which is probobly why the All Father deigned not to tell him where i was to be sent. Thor would come and get me if he thought i was here." Loki admitted. "the idiotic fool." but there was just the faintest hint of affection for Thor. as much as Loki was mad at Thor, as much as Loki probobly hated his brother, he did still love the great child of a man. "...you do not intend for me to stay here..." Loki repeated, looking, and sounding, completely baffled. "take me... i am not a lost puppy you know." he complained, scathing as he studied her, as if SHE was the one who was insane. "...i apologize, i'll make sure to actually kill you next time." he stated with a roll of his eyes. "what is one more on my ledger of red after all?" he asked, voice bitter... and ashamed, and filled with a deep, self loathing guilt that spoke volumes about just how much Loki hated what he had done to the people of Manhattan.

"...i am insane." Loki whispered as he looked at her. "you think i don't know my own mind? it is broken, shattered..." he stated. "if this place is where the insane are kept then this is where i belong... but i am a greedy, selfish man..." he admitted, thinking hard about the deal, his eyes narrowed. "you have only told me half of this so called 'deal'. you have told me what i get out of it. freedom to rest how i please, eat what i want, go where i will... what do you desire out of this? i know better than to think this is 'free'. nothing is free, ever." he stated, watching her suspiciously. "what do you demand of me to gain my freedom?" because she was right, while dying would ensure him brutal, harsh, and painful punishment, it would not make him feel better about himself. it would not fix what he had done wrong. he needed to find another way. he needed to find a way to make things right... then he could die and be punished like a good little godling.
 
Ana laughed and shook her head. "I'm not like you. I don't require anything when I offer assistance. All I ask is that you do not let my bosses know I am helping you. If anyone finds out, I will be imprisoned." She looked him over now, brows raising once more. "You agreed, I know your pain. I will never have the chance to be able to feel better about my life, but you have a chance to try and right your wrongs. I am offering you that chance. And yes, I still think you are crazy, but I think there was more to it than that." She tilted her head to the side, her lips pursing. Just what, she didn't know... But she intended to find out. She would show him kindness, and hopefully he would gain her trust.

"Do we have a deal, Loki Laufeyson?" she asked, her voice staying even.
 
Loki huffed. "i am not so foolish as to beleive you." he stated simply, examining her intently. "but, i will agree." he decided. "the white walls are most certainly not going to help the little bit of sanity i have left." Loki finally agreed with a sigh. "perhaps i will tell you the truth of my life someday." he mused. "you would find it suitably sickening i think." he muttered. "my poor children... whatever had they done but be born?" he asked, staring blankly before snapping into attention again, studying her. "why in the hell would i tell someone? they would lock me away in some tiny little cell in the dark and the gloom if i where to tell someone." he admitted, rolling his eyes. "i am most certainly crazy." he grumbled, closing his eyes. "and tired... go away for a while i'm sick of looking at you speak." he muttered before pausing. "wait... that's not how that sentence is supposed to work..." he muttered, frowning, confused before he slipped off into sleep once more. too tired to care that his grasp on the English language had faltered. Ana was lucky he'd even stayed awake as long as he had.

it was shockingly... rather horrifically easy to get Loki out of the mental ward. as weak as he was, he couldn't even stand on his own. his legs just crumpled underneath him like he had no muscles. something which made him more than a little paranoid about what the doctors had been putting into his bloodstream. being a God, he'd never suffered from extreme blood-loss before. considering he was a God, the Doctor's hadn't dared try a blood transplant, so Loki was going to be even weaker than normal. he couldn't even access his magic, because all of it was entirely focused on keeping him from dying. into a wheelchair he went, and no one even tried to stop Ana from taking Loki, not in the least bit worried about where the God might be going. most of them assumed she was taking him off to a prison somewhere. most of them didn't care, they'd done their duty in saving his miserable life. so, pathetically easy to 'smuggle' him out. though he did express much disgust in the 'metal deathtrap' he was to be sitting in. apparently he didn't much care for cars and vehicles after that oh so fun little jaunt through the long tunnels of S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters.

he slept most of the ride, still easily exaughsted, so easily that even a wheelchair ride was too much for him. he grumbled as he was woken and taken into a house he cared nothing for, and grumbled and grouched as he was laid into an... admittedly very nice bed. and grumbled and grouched until Ana left him alone to sleep away the pain in his throat and wrists. drugs didn't do shit, so he didn't bother asking for any, he just went to sleep. he woke in the morning and groaned pathetically. "turn that light off..." he demanded, unaware that said light was not only the sun, but could not be 'turned off'.
 
Ana had been thoroughly surprised at how easy it had been to get him out. They seemed to be none the wiser on her actions or choice to take him out without any proper shielding or a truck. Instead, when they were out, she loaded him into her car and brought them to her rather nice apartment. She was paid reasonably (well, more so than that) for working at SHIELD, and instead chose to live in an apartment rather than a lovely house, to keep a low profile. She helped him into bed, ignoring his complaints and whining. She had a spare bedroom she was letting him use, and when she was finished with him, she headed into her room to sleep.

She was up before the sun, being used to doing this for her job, and was already working on making something to eat for breakfast. She had a pot of coffee going, as well as a breakfast pizza she made from scratch. It was pretty delicious and easily made, especially after a long night of dealing with him. She was sitting on the couch now, watching TV to wait for him to wake up, her mug of coffee in her hand as she waited.
 
Loki groaned and grumbled as he realized that no one was there to turn off the light and he slowly cracked open his eyes and looked around the room he had found himself in. a dressed, a bookshelf, a tiny little desk... it was really kind of comfortable, he found he didn't mind it in the least. in fact, he rather enjoyed it. it reminded him of his room in Asgard, before he was sent off to the Academy to be tormented and picked on and ignored. he groaned as he looked around, realizing he was too weak to even sit up on his own and contemplated his pride for a moment. call Anna and ask for help to the bathroom or hold it? he waited for a half an hour before he finally swallowed what little pride he had left and called out to the woman who he was to be sharing a home with. finally, once she was there, he grumbled that he couldn't get up and that he really had to pee, and that he was thirsty and hungry and that he wasn't sure he could feed himself. he felt so pathetic, so terribly weak and he could only be glad that he wasn't still in Asgard because otherwise he'd be dead by now. they would have swiftly taken advantage and ripped him apart.

"...i tried to kill you." he stated once she had finished helping him eat his breakfast, which he loved. earth food had such a delicious... something, to it that made him crave and love almost anything edible that was their food. he adored Tacos, loved Pizza, and was completely obsessed with the squirmy, chewy thing that was a Gummy Worm. "would you tell me how?" he asked, studying her. "i find my memories of... those days, foggy at best." he admitted. "i remember reclaiming the tesseract, and sliding into the one named Clint Barton and Selvig... i remember killing a man on a stone slab, i remember trading words with my brother on a cliff in a forest... i remember fighting my brother on top of some ugly glass building and then stabbing him... i remember some great green... thing, slamming me into the floor... but i remember little else." he admitted. "tell me, please... what i did." he knew she wouldn't lie. she might leave things out, but she wouldn't lie.
 
Ana came to help him as he asked, assisting him with all that he needed. She actually somewhat enjoyed it and all its irony. The God who had so much pride, had to be helped by a mere mortal. When they were finished and sitting in the living room, him in the lounge chair and her on the couch (all the while munching on her pizza), she turned to look at him, brows raised. "Oh, well.... It all goes back to the very first time you tried to take over Asgard. You sent that weird metal thing to try and kill Thor... I almost got killed by this random piece of sharp glass that flew through the air. Thor saved me, though." She nodded then took another bite, pursing her lips. "That was more... A near death experience, that was avoided. The second time...."

She went pale for a moment, not really caring to remember it too much. "You had just come through the portal from the tesseract... I was working as one of the scientists there, head of the project actually. Then the collapse happened... I got blown aside, by you, and when the building started to come down, part of the roof landed on me, and nearly severed me in half. I even have the scar on my stomach," she said, lifting her shirt to show him. "When they found me, I was unconscious. They kept me in the hospital for a long time, and were able to fix my broken spine, thankfully. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my independence and ability to walk. It was honestly a very... Unsettling situation." She didn't want to admit she had been scared. Fear would mean letting go to her own pride.
 
he blinked at her a little. "the Destroyer? i sent the Destroyer!?" he demanded, horrified before he realized.. "Thor broke the destroyer!?" he asked, so stunned his voice was barely a whisper. "holy crap..." well that was a first, Loki wasn't one for such blunt words, let alone cursing. "Thor has this annoying need to see everything and everyone survive... stupid man, such a thing is impossible.. though, the ones he does manage to protect are always very grateful." Loki admitted as he examined his empty plate. he hadn't had the sensation of being full in a very very long time. "i do not remember that at all, trying to take command of Asgard i mean." he admitted. "i do not even remember returning from the Acadamy..." he swallowed thickly. "the Voice was already well in control by that time, whispering poison words in my ear, telling soothing lies and sweet untruths..." he shuddered again and watched her. "yes... i remember... sort of. the portal was unstable. the man with the chocolate skin shot..." he looked at her. "i'm shocked you even survived at all, what with that much earth collapsed on top of you... it seams almost... fated, if i where to beleive in such things..." he muttered.

"you where afraid i'd imagine." Loki admitted softly. "i was afraid too, before The Voice... so afraid, always afraid.. and i am afraid again." he admitted. "so helpless... i can't even use the wasteroom without help. cannot eat without help. you could do anything to me now and i could do nothing to stop you, and that makes me afraid..." he admitted. not in the least bit ashamed to admit it. "Fear... it's such a silly emotion, isn't it?" Loki asked suddenly. "it is the instant reaction from the flight or fight response, and yet Feeling Fear is often what keeps us from moving at all, which causes our deaths, does it not? Fear... what a useless emotion..." he muttered, closing his eyes before he looked at the Television. "the talking box... are there really people inside?" he asked, abruptly changing the subject. "and where is your Hearthfire? how do you heat your domicile?" he asked, curious about the midgaurdian technology. as much as Loki hated Earth, he was... curious, about the things inside of it.
 
Ana blinked a few times. He was admitting to feeling fear? She didn't understand how he could do that. Admitting fear was admitting to weaknesses an she didn't want to let anyone think she had any. Her eyes studied him silently for a moment, trying to figure out if he was being honest or not. "I have central heating," she said now. "Apartments don't really have fire places..." She looked down at her pizza now, playing around with the crust she didn't like before lifting her gaze back up to him. "You know.... I suppose... Being afraid is not such a bad thing. Fear is healthy, right? Even though it isn't really... Something that I want others to know I feel. I always put on this tough persona and everyone always thinks that I'm okay, when I'm really not... Well, Fury tends to see through it at times, I think...." Shaking her head now, she sighed, looking back towards him.

"Who is the Voice, Loki?" she asked now, eyes studying him curiously.
 
Loki blinked at her. "central what?" he asked, looking entirely baffled. "never mind it's probobly some hideous metal contraption that i have no care about." he grumbled. well, that wasn't entirely true. earth technology both fascinated, and frustrated him, because he didn't understand how it worked. there didn't seam to be any set 'rules' for Technology like there was for magic. "what's an apartment?" he asked, frowning at her. "are you mocking me?" he demanded, suspicious. "one must always admit to ones emotions." Loki stated as he watched her. "Fear, Anger, Hate, sadness, depression... any negative emotion is 'bad', but if you deny it, or hide it away, then the emotion is controlling you. fear is only a weakness, when it keeps you from doing what must be done." he admitted simply before he licked his lips, in an almost nervous manner and he looked away. "not who." Loki corrected softly. "The Voice, what, or who created it i don't know." Loki admitted, closing his eyes. "but it has long been whispering treacherous things in my mind. it has long been waiting inside of me... it has no purpose other than to create pain, and destruction. it has no need other than to make War..." Loki muttered softly. "i wish not to speak of it. what it used me to do is well known and i will pay for the crimes i have committed."
 
[I had something in mind for Ana, that I don't usually do, but it's something i've been working out but I want to discuss it with you. xD So if you got my PM, reply and I'll let you know. xD Unless you don't care and just want me to go ahead and do it.]

Ana watched him curiously. He was incredibly wise, despite being... All sorts of bat shit crazy. She stood up now and came over to him, tilting her head to the side. "Mmmm...." she said quietly, biting her lip a little. "Fear is... It is fear. You know? It's a... well, a scary feeling." She let out a little laugh and shook her head, wrinkling her nose again. "I would like to... Hear more about this voice though. If I can learn what it is, perhaps I can help you stop it." She offered a small smile then looked him over. "Why do you all of a sudden want to pay for your sins? Why now? Is this some kind of trick you're trying to play on everyone? Until you are better? Or is this just a cover up, so that no one will hurt you while you are down? How do we know you will not try and do everything you've done again?" she asked, looking him over. "I heard how you were with Thor, when Jane was sick. And about your little... Mimicking you do. I just have a harder time believing that you have real true intent."
 
Loki chuckled a little. "Fear is a pointless emotion that simply cannot be purged from a sentient, or souled creature." he stated simply. "...The Voice is..." he shuddered violently and closed his eyes. "there is no stopping the Voice." he whispered. "The Voice has hold, and there is no escape..." he frowned. "but i did escape, and i don't know how. Clint Barton and Doctor Selvig, they escaped the voice as well. as did all those 'grunt' soldiers." he looked at her. "tell me, Clint Barton. does he not feel terrible for the lives he took? does he not want to pay for his crimes? The Voice makes one do terrible things... i was not the one in control of Barton and Selvig, the Voice was. The Voice controlled all." he whispered staring at her. "don't you understand!?" he hissed, suddenly aggravated, angry. "i had no control! all i could do was watch in horror as i slaughtered hundred of people! thousands of innocents, dead because i wasn't strong enough to defeat the voice!" he shuddered violently and sagged, closing his eyes. "i couldn't stop it..." he whispered before he looked at her, swallowing thickly. "i couldn't make myself stop... but i could... influence 'It's' decisions. i was always a dramatic little shit..." Loki admitted, sounding smug suddenly.

"i made 'It' do things strangely, i made a spectacle of it. i made them know i was there, made them know where i was, made them angry, made them HATE me..." he frowned a little. "only they didn't kill me like i expected them to..." he muttered before he sneered at her. "i do not 'Mimic'. i am a shapeshifter, i am much more advanced than just some pathetic voice changing." he grumbled before he paused, scowling. "Jane was sick?" he asked, sounding worried now. "is she alright?" he was so weird, angry one second, smug the next, as if he couldn't decide if he was a villain or a victim.
 
Ana was getting whiplash. Was this how others felt when her mental illness kicked in? Looking him over now, she wrinkled her nose. "Good God. You're more bipolar than I am and I'm the one with that illness!" She shook her head and sighed, pursing her lips. She fiddled with the gloves on her hands now, shaking her head. "Clint feels badly, but he knows he was being controlled. He's not letting it get to him too much. I don't really know, though. I never talk with him. He's not someone I really know too well." She shrugged then nodded. "And yes... Jane was sick. You don't remember? You helped Thor, after he let you out of prison, to go save her. With the dark elves...." She shook her head now and sat on the arm rest next to him, letting her eyes continue to glaze over him. "You are very strange..." she said quietly, eyes studying him.

She played with her gloves again, pulling her long sleeves down a bit. She was always afraid of too much skin contact. It was worse with her hands, but sometimes, it did happen with the rest of her body, so she tried to avoid anything like that. "Ah, so... You did all these things.... To try and make them hate you? Was it to get them to stop you?"
 
he blinked at her. "Bipolar? what is that?" he asked, confused. "i can't help it, like i said, my brains still pretty scrambled." he admitted, shaking his head. "yes well. Clint was only being controlled for a month, at the most. i was being controlled for well over fifteen years." Loki complained softly. "though, 'it' didn't have full control over me until i touched it." Loki admitted, shaking his head. "it' whispered in my ears and that was all 'it' could do until i touched 'it'..." he admitted with a shake of his head. "oh, right..." he muttered, flushing suddenly. "i forgot... it's..." he frowned. "no i... don't remember." he admitted, looking at her, confused. "it was after the Voice so why..." he shook his head. "never mind, it doesn't matter." he grumbled. "probobly because of the concussion." he muttered. "i've always been strange. that's what happens when your very soul is repressed." he stated, his eyes glazing over with rage.

"or did Thor neglect to ever mention that glorious little detail?" he asked her, watching her intently. "did he never mention how, being a Jotun, i am in a constant state of pain, because it's never cold enough in these pathetic worlds for me?" he demanded. "did he never mention that as a Jotun, i am constantly craving touch, which will always be denied me because i am a Freak?" Loki asked, his eyes digging into hers. "perhaps he never mentioned that i cannot take on my True Appearance because Odin has forever locked away every single physical trait that a Jotun shows? from horns, to blue skin, to red eyes!" he reached out, grabbing her wrist and her empathetic abilities showed him just hoe Desperate he really was. it was a deep, needy, ACHE that felt as if a red hot dagger was being driven ever deeper into his/her chest. accenting the deep chest ache was a crawling sensation rolling over his/her skin, as if there was a layer of flame settled just over his skin, not hot enough to cause damage, but enough to cause a constant state of almost pain. he pulled his hand free, giving her an odd look. "why else would i make my appearance here so public? make it all so personal? how else was i to stop the destruction of Midgaurd?" he asked her, calm again. "i could not stop The Voice, but i could make sure that someone could stop Me."
 
[OH BY THE WAY. He would not know about her abilities. xD If that's okay. xD I want it to be a surprise! xD And I'm thinking it's stronger with him since he is not human. xD But we can figure out a way to keep it from doing what it did in this post so they can have real contact. Even if it's him just regaining his strength and finding a way to use his magic to help. xD Hopefully that's alright. ]

Ana looked him over now, blinking in surprise. He was of Jotun? She didn't know what that was. No one told her, but he said cold... She looked him over again now, trying to understand what he was saying but it wasn't making any sense. However, he soon grabbed her wrist and her eyes went fully white all the while darting back and forth as if she were reading something very carefully and quickly. Anything he said now was completely lost to her, instead, her mind was tapped onto him: His feelings and his thoughts. She was shaking now, her innervoice speaking to her. None of this was uttered aloud, however.

"You were taken as a young child, left alone because of your small stature. The All Father took you and hid away your birthright in an attempt to keep it secret from all of the kingdom. But you did not belong there. It was cold... So cold... So much ice and so much darkness. But you would not have fit in there either... No where. You fit in nowhere. You are different, so different... So much pain and anguish. You crave touch, you crave something to make you feel whole again. You are frightened and unsure... You do not know what is going to become of you and-"

The moment he let go, she blinked and everything seemed to go back to normal.

"What?" she asked now, looking dazed for a second. "Yes, someone to stop you." She cleared her throat and quickly stood up, stepping away from him to go sit down on the couch. "That is what you wanted. To be stopped." She rubbed her head now, trying to relax herself. It was so much stronger when he touched her, but they were similar more so than she thought. She craved touch too, but she'd never let herself do it.
 
Loki stared at her, shocked by her reaction to his touch. had he hurt her? had he damaged her!? frightened her?! what the hell had he done!? "Ana?" he asked, wary as he examined her. "Ana? are you alright?" she had continued on as if nothing happened and Loki wondered if she was a seer? he'd never met one himself but he'd heard the stories, had she just had a vision? or perhaps given a Prophecy that was now recorded in the Book of the Foretold? did she even remember what had happened? from what he understood, some human's did not remember when they Saw something, perhaps it would be best if he said nothing of it. "yes, i wanted to be stopped... i had hoped they would stop me before all the death, but one can't have everything i suppose." he muttered. "i'm rather lucky that the Man of Metal is as smart as he is." Loki admitted. "a less intelligent man might never have figured out where i was attacking. i was even more lucky i was able to make The Voice go there, 'It' originally wanted to go to a place in Hawaii." Loki admitted with a shake of his head. "as if i wasn't in enough pain already." he scoffed shaking his head. "you look tired, you should go take a nap... report to Fury, whatever it is you secrete agents do to relax." he muttered, feeling exaughsted himself. "i'm just going to sleep for a little while."

he carefully settled himself into a laying position, he was regaining enough strength to manage to sit up and lay down on his own, but he knew better than to try and walk back to the guest room. he was too tired and he knew better than to think he could stand on his own. he dreamed of darkness, of skies with no sun or moon and of torture. he dreamed of his horror filled days at the academy and he dreamed of the all encompassing fear and pain that had always been his life. he woke with a scream, clawing at his own chest as he tried to drag out a dagger that wasn't there, gasping and choking on his fear as he writhed and sputtered, shuddering and jerking as he tried to escape the nightmare that held him, grunting as he hit the ground hard enough to knock the wind out of him. he lay there for a moment, dragging in great gulps of air before he carefully touched his chest. no pain... well, none more than usual. no blood, no blade... his brother had not tried to cut out his heart. "fuck..." Loki whispered, running a trembling hand through his hair as he felt his carefully controlled emotions crack and shatter as he uttered a short little sob, fighting to retain control, fighting to hold back the tears.
 
Ana watched him and nodded, waiting for him to sleep. However, when she saw him tossing and turning, she took in a deep breath. She hated doing this, but... She needed to see if she could figure out what this "voice" was. Sliding her glove off now, she put her hand onto his head and once more, here eyes turned white. What he was seeing, she was seeing, their minds and feelings linked together. However, he would feel nothing from her. When he woke, she did as well, pulling her hand back and putting her glove on carefully. "There is no darkness," she said simply. "And no one tried to stab you. It was just a nightmare." She sighed then tilted her head to the side. "You are the tense and... Disturbed person I have met. You need a lot of help.... I'm not sure if I can give it to you or not."

She bit her lip a little, shifting uncomfortably on the arm rest as she fiddled with her gloves again. "You... Have a lot on your mind, don't you?" Well, she knew, but she didn't exactly want to let him know that for sure. "Why do you think Thor is going to kill you? No one is going to hurt you while you're here. No one knows you're here."
 
he gasped for air as he realized she was there, trembling as he struggled to regain control, as he had always had. because Aeser did not cry, and he was punished if Odin or Thor should catch him doing as such, no matter why the tears fell. "there is always darkness." Loki croaked. "there is always places of no sun, of bitter betrayal and horrible torture." he simply assumed he had been speaking in his sleep. he did so often enough. "it was not a nightmare. it was a memory." he explained simply. "the Chitauri." he muttered softly. "they lived in a land of no sun, and no light. they excelled in causing pain." he admitted with a shake of his head. "as for being stabbed, it's been a nightmare ever since i found out i was not an Aeser. the Jotun and the Aeser have long been enemies, and Thor spoke often of War with them when we where younger. he thought it would be... glorious." Loki admitted, rubbing his chest, not fully aware of doing it. "...i do not think Thor would capable of so brutally attempting to murder me, but one cannot stop the fear." he admitted simply as he shook his head. "i know no one knows i'm here... for now. but how long will that last?" Loki asked softly. "at least if i was in Nifleheim i would know what to expect. on Midgaurd... everything is strange, and new, and makes no sense. even your laws are backwards and contradicts itself." he complained. "and there's no accounting for the people who live here." he sighed. "i doubt there is anyone who can 'fix' me. i'm traumatized and horribly malformed but i'm not 'Broken'... at least, i don't think i am. in any case, it matters not. no one but you are stupid enough to offer me help anyway."
 
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