The problem is that there’s two extremist views with minorities on either sides being so vocal about their rights that they eclipse the majority. As stated above, problems exist on both sides of the spectrum, but what really gets to me is when one side tries to play hero.
A good example, and common one is the belief “It’s wrong to hit women.”
Yes, there’s no denying the statement. But frankly it’s no more ‘okay’ to hit a woman as it is to hit a man. Too many times have I come across guys that say this as some sort of status statement. Whether they’re trying to improve their image, or genuinely believe that there’s a bigger issue with physically assaulting women than men…. I guess I’ll never know.
Now, before someone decides to argue with the above, I want them to think about why one is worse than the other. If your conclusion is “Because women are weak and need to be protected by the nice guys (aka your views)” then you’re probably not helping the overall problem much at all.
I’ve come across this ‘wrong to hit women’ thing far too many times, with my earliest recollection being back in 9th grade when a girl and a guy had a verbal disagreement on the school bus. I never found out what the argument was about, but it escalated quickly, and the girl lashed out first, scratching the guys face to the point where he needed stiches, and then spitting on his face. Obviously the guy wasn’t too happy about it and grabbed her wrist roughly, to which the girl retorted “Oh you’re such a big man, go on hit a woman, come on”
The guy never hit her, though I was told her hand got bruised a bit. The problem was that initially they both got suspended. But the girl’s ‘sentence’ was repealed by her parents claiming that the guy had sexually harassed her by saying something inappropriate on the bus….
What annoyed me more though was that the woman was treated as a victim, and the guy got picked on by other guys as a ‘girl basher’ so severely that he eventually transferred out. Actually now that I think about it, I recall our science teacher (she was in my class) congratulating her and saying she did a good job standing up for herself.
Another more recent case on the other side of the spectrum, I went out on a Friday evening with a few friends, 2 couples, and 3~4 single guys. (I was one of the latter
) And we were all sitting at a table having a relatively good time when I noticed one of the girls glancing at her boyfriend constantly; a middle eastern guy, a fact that didn’t register in my head at the time since I’m dumb like that >_> But eventually I asked her if everything was okay, and again she looked at her boyfriend, silently asking for permission, receiving a nod of the head before whispering (Or more like whimpering in my ears) that she was ‘fine.’ Being the curious asshole I am, I went the extra mile and asked her
insensitively why she kept looking at her boyfriend before answering.
She just lowered her eyes, while the guy told me to “back off, and “stay away from (his) girl.”
Got told later on by one of the other guys that I’d been a bit insensitive, and that the couple were always like that. And that it was part of their ‘culture.’
Now, I don’t want to turn this into a racial debate, but to me, this feels like the whole ‘religion vs gay marriage’ deal to me, where an external force is hampering another. I won’t challenge them directly to their faces, but if a girl has to ask her boyfriend for permission to speak to other men, that’s ridiculous and inappropriate….. (Though that said, I’ve seen some pretty possessive girlfriends that are like that too xD).
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Finally going back to the whole rape issue, I do agree that a woman shouldn’t have to walk around feeling like a target. But personally I think it’s better to be safe than sorry, and educate women before hand so that they can lower the risks of it occurring to them. Back when this was all over the media, I remember something about not getting drunk in public to reduce the risk….. and I think that’s fair enough. But again, same deal as case1, there should be an overall push to keep people from getting completely wasted on those crazy Friday nights. Girls AND Guys. Can’t have fun without getting pissed? Well…. I suggest finding a new hobby, or getting wasted privately.
Focusing on the flaws of women in rape cases isn’t a bad thing either in my opinion. Telling a rapist not to rape is like telling a criminal not to commit crimes. It’s not very effective, and as most people will be able to tell you. It’s a given FACT that rape is wrong. The difference is that the man is immediately labeled guilty and tossed into the conviction bin, while the media/others scrutinize the woman to see what possible causes could have attracted the predator.
I admit that not as much attention is paid to the predator, but how many times have you heard someone say “The guy’s innocent, she provoked him so it’s all her fault?”
I don’t think the ‘penalty’ for the guy should lessen based on provocative clothes or anything, but predators select their targets. They not constantly preying on others and dragging them into alleyways 24/7, so if there’s a feature that attracts them, working to build awareness can’t hurt can it?
Baba Yaga said:
It's upsetting that we live in a society that teaches us "do not get raped" rather than "do not rape people".
I hear this comment way too often, so I’d like to ask for elaboration if possible. What’s an example of a society that teaches “Do not rape?”
Compulsory ‘Do not Rape Classes’ in education system? Pamphlets and brochures saying “Rape is a crime?”
I could be wrong on this, but I’m pretty sure that most legitimate cases, the culprit is well aware that he’s actions are wrong/punishable, but going through with it anyway. So I don’t think raising awareness on the male side is all that effectively. A point that I do agree with is that something should be done to dissuade males as well (and not just focus on women), but what could be done? I have no idea.
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