Stream of consciousness and perhaps even some insight...

You can learn a lot about others by simply observing them. Similarly, you can learn a lot about yourself by stepping back and looking at your own behaviour. That moment of self-reflection can be a turning point. Sadly, humans are quite accomplished at getting timing wrong when it comes to ourselves. We often don't take enough time to look at ourselves to find the beauty within, or to find that inner peace we all seek. Society makes demands, and rarely gives back.

I hope that makes sense - it did when I was typing it. >.>
 
Hey there. I've stopped in before to say hi, but today is a little different. Last week I was diagnosed with Asperger's and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'm 36. On one hand, I want to say who cares, I'm proud of the man I've become, but I also know that I've been single and almost never had close friends my whole life, and maybe not taking my tendencies into account could be part of why.
 
I sent you a PM KCKolbe because 1) your 2 diagnoses may just be 1 and 2) I literally have young folk I deal with every week going through the same thing.

You are who you are, don't go thinking you're "not normal" because of some diagnoses you got after doing 36 years as you relatively fine. Isolation is common in ASD whether self imposed or accidental from the stance of dealing with others but its never too late to make friends, find love, kill your rival and eat his heart. (Wait..no..don't do that last one.)
 
Thanks for the responses.

The first question is a tough one, as I've always hated summing myself up. My awkwardness/eccentricity is a large part of my identity, so...kinda? I guess what scares me is the percentage. Finding companionship was always tough, but I figured I just hadn't been ready, and have done a lot to improve myself as a person. I'm a catch now, and I know it. But now I realize that, due to something I can't control, I have such a small chance of finding someone truly like me, and that is a little depressing.
 
I've noticed a few things in your statement that I wanted to address, mind you this is all opinion based out of my experiences coupled with a few other people including adults I work with.
1) you're pushing the mindset of "its been tough and I wasn't ready" so its going to be kind of hard to find that sweet spot unless you work out of the mold of believing yourself to be a catch but deeper down focusing on being alone in the past. Those times are behind you, you gotta live in the now, not for the love you may have, not for the love you didn't before, but the now.
2)Groups, dating sites, therapists, and a plethora of other services exist helping people with similar diagnoses find someone else who is like them or who will at least understand. If you believe there is only a small chance it may lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.
3) You can broaden your horizons, someone doesn't have to "be like" you they just have to like you and for you to like them. You ever seen 2 OCPD folk in a relationship? I have, unless your views are very similar and your methodology is the same they will drive you nuts.
4) Don't say you're a catch, just live it, be it, humility makes it easier for folk to see how wonderful you are for themselves. You seem like a good and forthcoming guy people will see it but once you say "I'm a catch and I know it" out loud, that's a red flag to some folk. You're far too nice to be lumped with the "nice guys"
5) Defining yourself is like biting your own teeth, try to have those close to you (family, friends, whoever) give you feedback and work from there, be open to constructive criticism.
6) There's no goal here, its a journey, you find someone who walks with you, you're not running toward them. Once you find them you'll walk together to who knows where(so really its more like a deathmarch..a pleasant one..but a deathmarch) and even if they walk their separate way I hope you can enjoy what came while you were together.

DA your post made me think of this song.
 
Hey again.

I actually have had two sessions with a therapist, and dating has been a main topic. I've been using dating sites (currently on a break). A small amount of technique has been discussed, catching my tendencies to rant, maybe giving a little too much info on the first date.

I don't tell dates that I am a catch, by the way.
 
Back
Top Bottom