Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Full Circle (Razgriz x Candira)

As Ron and his crew worked tirelessly to repair and refit the newly acquired Gunman fortress, Exodus lay in a hospital bed, hooked up to a plethora of monitoring devices. A comfortable white sheet lay over his bandaged form; the thick medical strips wrapped tightly around his torso, right half of his head and both shoulder, his face covered by an assisted breathing mask. The former Dai-Gunzan really was a fortress. It had a giant kitchen, three sizable hangars in the back for all the members' Gunmen, a lounge area and a fully stocked medical treatment center, to name only a few of the features that it possessed.

The man's head swam, bordering on consciousness but not fully there yet; as much as he tried to wake up, he just couldn't. His body would lay deathly still until the next day; he had some visitors come by, Supers and Littner villagers that had joined the fight and wished him a speedy recovery as they visited friends who had been injured in battle and lay on the other beds in the medical center.
 
Yoko had fitful sleep, the dreams waking her and starting the tears and the yearning and ripping the hole in her heart to an even bigger size. When she woke up out of habit, most others were awake. She fixed herself up the best she could in her bathroom, got dressed, picked up her rifle and got it ready for some training--there was plenty of space for that too. She skipped breakfast, only stopping to make sure that Exodus was still alright. She didn't stop in for a visit--just asked the doctors. When she knew, she threw herself into training practically all day, forcing herself to do something at almost every moment. For the others, she went through the motions of eating the rest of her meals and even talking to people. But for the life of her, she had no idea what she was saying to them.

She didn't visit Exodus on the way back to her room for a shower either--it would have been too much for her to handle at this point. She showered and cried and then tried to get more sleep. When that failed, she gave up and headed to the medical bay to see Exodus. It would be pretty well deserted by now, and she needed to do this in private.
 
(lol, uh oh XD)

It hadn't even been a full day since Kamina died fighting Thymilph; to the members of Team Dai-Gurren, however, things seemed to drag by at a snail's pace. Their leader was gone, the one member who had the most experience lay unconscious in recovery, and morale was plummeting. But, they all pushed on; they had to, for Kamina. The man who took down a Beastman General and led them to victory at the trade of his own life. It was in this resolve they found the drive to push onward. Well, most of them did anyway.

Exodus lay still as stone in the bed; his mind had awakened partially, but his body felt like it was made of lead. The heavy - in his sense - bandages further restricted movement, and his vision and hearing had dropped significantly. All he could see now were blurs, all he heard was gobbledegook. It wasn't long before he found a reddish blur at his side; his head weakly turned to greet his visitor, but no words would leave his mouth, only a half-opened eye that gazed upon the visitor wasn't wrapped up like a mummy.
 
Yoko was quite sure Exodus had saved her, and when she saw the state he was in, she felt some guilt for not visiting sooner. After all--if not for him, she would injured--or possibly dead. He'd made the decision to leap to her rescue without much of a plan. It wasn't really her fault he was here, but she still felt bad about it. He didn't look like much was getting through to him at this point, but hey, maybe that was okay. "I'm sorry," she said softly, taking one of his hands in hers. Tears threatened again, but she held them in check. "I should have come here right away to make sure you were alright...but I just couldn't. Kamina took a piece of me with him," she said, cutting herself off before emotion could win the day.

Instead of leave, however, she sat on his bedside and wondered why he'd done what he'd done. Was it because she resembled Harbringer? Sighing, she shook her head. "You understand," she said softly. "No one else probably does, but you do..." She closed her eyes and hung her head. "I'll come back tomorrow and talk to you then...but I wanted to say thank you. It's hard to feel grateful, but I am..."

And with that, she left him there, heading back to her little room to cry herself to sleep and pray that no one else heard her.
 
Exodus could only follow the blob of red that crowded his field of vision; if there was one sense, however, that had stayed relatively intact, it was touch. The way this one held his hand, gently and assuringly....Reminded him of Harbinger. It had to be Yoko; his clouded mind briefly wondered if she were pissed at him for the recklessness of his stunt. Of course, the voice that he heard was a garbled, imperceptible version of what she really sounded like, so Exodus had no way of knowing for certain it was her. Of course, had he been conscious, he would've understood Yoko's plight; in truth, he was one of the few who really could, the others being Simon and Ron.

He then felt an ever-so-slight pressure on the left side of his bed; this person, which he guessed with reasonable certainty to be Yoko, had sat down and started talking to him. The voice still was garbled and unintelligible, but soon it would disappear, leaving the injured soldier to his thoughts, dreams and regrets. Yoko and Exodus were both now in the same boat: The Beastmen took from them the people that mattered most, made them question if this was really worth it. Neither of them would be bothered the rest of day; Ron and his crew, meanwhile, had finished refitting the Dai-Gurren's armor and weapons, giving it a paint-job that would honor their fallen comrade and former leader.

The next day, Team Dai-Gurren set off in their new home; it wasn't easy to power the thing on, what with the effects of Kamina's death, but once they did get it going, it moved very smoothly. Even as its gigantic feet slammed over and over into the ground, the interior of the ship didn't jiggle even in the slightest. Exodus' half-Beastman makeup enabled a fairly speedy healing, but he was far from fully recovered. At the very least, he could have his face bandages removed; the first thing he asked was what happened. Upon hearing that Kamina had died and how everyone was faring, Exodus' head hung; this brutal claimed another brave soul. He didn't blame himself, amazingly enough, but he felt bad for Yoko and Simon; he was an older brother to Simon, and clearly a love interest for Yoko. Her situation he understood especially; and while he wished something could have been done differently, he knew there was nothing that was going to change it.
 
Yoko was moving on autopilot. If something needed shooting, she shot it. If she was wanted in the training room, she trained. Anything to keep her from thinking of what absolutely would not leave her mind. After putting in a long day, she cried in the shower again, not sure that she would ever get used to the empty feeling she felt now that only seemed to pull out sorrow. But she needed to move on with the others, and for the most part she did. She only allowed herself to be affected when she was alone and simply couldn't take it anymore. After awhile, she put on a soft shirt and a clean pair of shorts, leaving her hair down. Her eyes were still a tiny bit puffy, but she could blame something else for that.

She made her way down to the medical bay once more to visit Exodus. She entered quietly so she wouldn't disturb any sleeping patients and then walked slowly to the warrior's bed, sitting on the edge again. "How are you feeling today?" she asked softly, wondering if he knew yet. If he understood.
 
Exodus could only grunt as he tried to sit up, but ultimately just gave up on that little endeavor; his body just felt too heavy. So, he just laid back down and gazed over at Yoko as she sat on the edge of his bed. His hearing managed to get back to enough of a level to where he could understand things again, but she still sounded muted; though it probably didn't help that her recent loss had quieted her voice. His expression to her was solemn yet oddly understanding; she would see that he indeed heard of what happened. "I've felt better" he replied flatly; at least his sense of honesty was intact.

He wanted to say something, anything to help her out like she did him; however, that was not always his strongest suit. Only in the throes of battle did he become a decent orator, and even then his speeches drove more people to be where he was now or worse. "Well......This is awkward" he then said out loud, a pause sinking in before he added, "Yoko....For what it's worth, I know your pain and I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. Believe me, I wish things could have gone better; but, sometimes they just don't. But, if you ever need to talk......with someone who's experienced it two times too many.....I'm here". He figured at least giving her an ear to rattle off to, one that truly knew what she was experiencing, would be at least a little helpful to her.
 
She looked at him, tears threatening again. Of course he understood. That was part of the danger of talking to him--that he'd understand her pain all too well without her having to say a thing. Her throat closed up a little and she took a moment to collect herself again, obviously struggling with the emotions inside of her. "I can't just stop living," she said, her voice still a bit strained. "He wouldn't want that...and people need me. Besides, what good would it do if I gave up, right?" Logically it all made sense, and it was what propelled her along, even if it was just on autopilot for now. "But it feels like there's nothing left, and I know that's not true..."

She closed her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath and looked into his eyes. "I know you understand, and it kind of makes it harder to talk about because I don't want to cry in front of anyone. I don't feel like I have a right..." She looked down and shook her head. "Anyway, I wanted to say thank you again. I said it last night, but you were pretty dead to the world. I'm sorry about that too," she said with a little sigh. "I guess I couldn't protect either of you in the end. I know it's not my fault...but it sure feels like it. Why did you do it, anyway? Why'd you come after me like that?"
 
Exodus could only look at Yoko as she revealed what she felt inside; it coincided all too well with what he'd experienced. The hollow emptiness, the uncertainty, the struggle to keep the emotions from overwhelming the mind....All of it he was more familiar with than he would care to admit. He just sat and listened, feeling that's what she needed right now: An understanding ear, no matter what she might say to the contrary.

When their eyes met, he saw just how much she was hurting; it was like looking into a mirror. A mirror of his own tortured soul, reflecting back at him the source of his own pain and suffering. When she then asked why he came after her, why he risked himself in that situation, he then and only then replied, "First off, Yoko, you always have a right to cry, no matter what you may feel. Especially when something like this happens. Second, you have nothing to apologize for; what I did was my own choice. And if this is the price I have to pay, so be it." He then took a deep breath, grunting a little from the soreness in his body; he wished he could give some kind of tactical reason why he chose to save Yoko instead of help Kamina, but he couldn't. Nothing came up, no matter what he tried to think of.

The fact that he was thinking about her question would show up rather clearly on his face; why did he do it? He thought that maybe it was because she was the more likely to die outright, and based on what he heard, he was partially correct; Kamina still perished, but he managed to finish what he started. Eventually he replied to her question, "I don't know if I can say with 100% certainty, Yoko......I don't even know the answer myself; all I know was that I was in a position to save either you or Kamina.....And I..." He then trailed off, unsure of what to say next.
 
Yoko sighed and let out a shaky breath, her eyes still wet but now yet streaming tears. She cleared her throat as he told her she had a right to cry and that she had nothing to apologize for. Logically, she was sure he was right. Emotionally, she still felt guilty. There was nothing she could do to stop that guilt either. Still, knowing that he cared enough to try and comfort her brought a faint smile to her lips.

Her eyes widened as he started to answer her question. He could have saved Kamina?! But he chose to save her instead...it just didn't make sense. Why was she the one he went after when Kamina was the heart of this whole operation? They would have been down a sniper if she'd gotten injured or--perish the thought--died. But they would have gone on without her--of that she was pretty certain. Even Exodus couldn't understand why he'd gone after her instead.

"You should have saved him," she said softly. "I don't matter as much in the long run." And then she shook her head. "No! Why do I keep thinking things like that?" Finally tears escaped her and she curled up on the side of the bed. "I am important and I do deserve to live. And damn it, Kamina!" she growled, crying at the same time.

"When you saved me was it because I reminded you of her?"
 
Exodus could only look away as she chewed him out for not saving Kamina; he couldn't blame her and most certainly wouldn't. He knew all too well the turmoil that must be going through her head. But he would also stand by his decision, whatever the reason. But he was about to remark that she was just as important as Kamina when she then asked if he saved her because she resemlbed Harbinger so much. That one remark struck struck fairly close to home; as if he didn't feel guilty enough. He knew she wasn't going to leave until she got an answer, but it was like he said: He didn't really know why he did what he did, either.

"Yoko....." he finally spoke, his voice low from exhaustion, "It's like I told you......I don't fully understand what was going through my head when I decided to break your fall. All I know is that in the end, I chose to save you and not Kamina. But......." he then decided that he should tell her this because she seemed to have figured it out for the most part. "You do look a lot like Harbinger. You act a lot like her too. Strong-willed, strong perseverance, and a hell of a shot with a rifle.....Aside from the clothes, hair and eye color, I'd swear you were her twin" he then told her; his face didn't even flicker as he revealed the things she already seemed to know.
 
The redhead looked at him when he started to speak again, her head resting on her knees, tears still rolling down her cheeks. He was being so honest and so nice to her, and here she was, throwing all of it back into his face. What a great person she was. But it wasn't as though she wasn't aware that Exodus didn't deserve it. She felt horrible for blaming him--but she couldn't help it. She couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her. And he was just tired. Tired because he'd gotten hurt trying to save her. Shouldn't she be more grateful? Probably.

"When I saw the picture of her when we found you, Kamina and Simon said the same thing," she said, watching him. "I'm sure the way I look had something to do with it, and I can't really blame you for that." She sighed and uncurled herself leaning just a little closer. "I'm sorry I keep lashing out at you. None of this is your fault any more than it is mine. Maybe I should just leave..."
 
"You don't need to apologize, Yoko....." Exodus then replied in a slightly more stern tone of voice; he then let out a sigh and reclined his head back onto the pillow. "You saw how I was.....when you first found me, that is....The fact is, you're perfectly justified in how you feel, Yoko". If he weren't saying this so matter-of-factly, one might think he was trying to use self-depreciating humor to try and cheer her up. But, alas, that was not the case.

His hand then came to rest on hers, comfortingly despite the obvious size difference. "Yoko....Listen to me....We're in the same boat, you and I. Remember, I was the same way when you first found me. Loss, especially of those nearest and dearest to our hearts.....It angers us, confuses us....You don't have to apologize, Yoko. So, just let it out; don't be like me and bottle it up".
 
She let his hands rest there, the understanding in his face enough to make her wish she was stronger. Sighing, she resigned herself to feeling this way a little longer, sorrow, anger, and guilt all knotting up her stomach. She shouldn't expect to feel any different so soon after Kamina's death. So she let the tears keep falling and held his hands tightly. "I can't let them see," she said softly. "I can't let it get to me...not until I'm alone...not until someone really understands." She gave up trying to be strong for now. It simply wouldn't work. So she lay down on the side of his bed and cried.
 
Exodus just sighed; so this is what he was like when they were trying to get him to open up. Defiant, isolated, angry, sad, guilty among other things. "Like I said, Yoko, I'm right here; open up your agony to me....." he replied to her comments with an as-of-yet unseen gentleness. He felt bad that Yoko had to suffer so; it seemed irony had a sick sense of humor indeed. But, if there was a silver lining, at the very least they both understood the source of each other's pain.

Though the way she laid down on his bed, the hand she held onto was dangerously close to her sizable chest; naturally he didn't so much as twitch his hand, lest that create new problems for him to deal with. He did however reach over with his other one - with some difficulty due to his injuries - and did the only thing that he thought would help her: Stroke her hair. Harbinger used to do that to him whenever memories of Sovereign threatened to break his sanity or otherwise send him back into a miserable depression. He kept the pressure surprisingly even and light; he was trying to comfort her, not crush her head like an egg.

He wished he could say something, anything at all to help her even more after all she'd done for him; however, this was more Harbinger's area of expertise, and he didn't exactly take good notes on her methods. Instead, he resolved to be Yoko's shoulder to cry on, to be a source of strength for her and give her as much comfort and support as he possibly could muster. He'd had his experiences in suffering; he now felt it his job to help lessen the pain Yoko and her friends felt over the loss of a man as great as Kamina.
 
She cried into his shoulder quite literally and squeezed his hand, holding on for dear life. It seemed like all she was really able to do for him at this point. His voice was quiet and resigned--soothing somehow. Only he could understand, and now she saw why it had been so difficult for him to let them in in the beginning. Of course, that didn't excuse his behavior. But that was alright. And just when she thought she might never stop crying, she felt his hand on her head, gently stroking her hair as though she were something soft and small and precious. So she cried harder until she felt like she couldn't cry anymore. When she finally calmed down, she was absolutely exhausted. Poor Exodus was probably soaking wet from her tears and otherwise wishing she'd just suck it up and leave.

After a few sniffles she looked up at Exodus and sent him a look of pure gratitude. For understanding her, for letting her cry on his shoulder, and most of all, for just being there. And then she sat up and started to get herself back together. "I don't think I'll ever stop being sad or angry when I think of him," she said, her voice raspy with dehydration from crying. "But I think I'm done crying for awhile." There was a hint of a smile on her face as she got up for some tissue and cleaned herself up, coming back to do the same for him. She was still trembling, but she'd manage.

"I'll come back tomorrow and check on you," she said, looking so tired she might be able to sleep for days. "Next time I won't cry so much. I promise." And with that, she quietly let herself out.
 
Of course, Exodus didn't mind that Yoko was soaking his shoulder with her tears; God knows he probably cried enough when Harbinger and Sovereign died to collectively fill a lake with his own. Even when she started crying harder. Personally, he was just glad to be able to return the kindness she'd shown him even after all the crap he put them through when they first found him. And plus she did say it best: Everyone needed someone to lean on, for one thing or another. If he could be her pillar of support for this, then he would let his whole body be soaked in tears if he had to and he wouldn't even flinch.

"The wounds of the heart heal the slowest, Yoko...." he advised her in response to her comment; her eyes were puffy and her voice was pretty shot, but she did sound a little better, oddly enough. Plus, the sparkle in her eyes as she looked at him meant to him that he did something right. He could feel the trembling in her body as she dabbed his shoulder dry, but didn't comment on it; why would he? He knew just how painful this was, and plus, he could see the connection between her and Kamina. He felt guilty that he failed in his promise to give them a world where their love could bloom.

Exodus could only nod as she told him she would return tomorrow; her comment about not crying made him watch her as she left. She still worried about that? His shoulder still felt damp, granted, but that was the least of his worries. Only when she was out of earshot did he say, "You dummy, Yoko.....That's not the issue here". Still, he appreciated the fact that she was trying to take his well-being into account and in turn, laid himself down for some much-needed rest as well.
 
The next day, Yoko woke up later than normal. She didn't need to be anywhere specific, and one day of sleeping in wouldn't hurt her. Even so, she felt tired and stiff somehow. Maybe she should take it easy--just hang back and do some maintenance on her guns, lay low until she was needed again. Yes...that would be the best. It seemed Simon had been throwing himself into his training as well. He was getting better and bolder in Laggann, but she knew the kind of pain he felt. He often let things get to him, but as much as she wanted to be there for him, she was having enough trouble keeping herself together. Sighing, she got dressed and combed her hair, pasting on a smile so she could go out and face the others. Kittan seemed particularly concerned about her, but she kept her distance, giving him looks that said, "Don't even try."

She got some food and then went to the hangar and started to work on cleaning, calibrating and re-siting her rifle. When she was finished it was closed to brand new--completely customized for her. It sparkled in the light and did everything it was supposed to without much effort at all. By the time she was finished it was time for dinner, so she went to that and ate with the others, managing to actually keep part of the conversation in her head this time. It was a little easier now that the shock of her loss was gone, but she still felt it. Friendly as she could manage, she worked her way back to her room for a quick shower, but this time, no crying. She'd pretty much gotten most of that out of the way last night.

And she dressed again before heading to Exodus' room to check up on him.
 
Naturally, being the stubborn old goat Exodus was, he was already standing up - albeit somewhat shakily - and looking a lot better than he did two days ago. Needless to say, the loss of Kamina didn't really affect him as much as it did the others; it wasn't because he was cold or anything like that, either. It all boiled down to simply that he: 1) had his own losses he was still dealing with and 2) didn't know Kamina as long as Yoko and Simon did and despite forming a semi-brotherly attachment fairly quickly, it didn't really weigh on his heart as much as it did when Sovereign and Harbinger - especially Harbinger - died.

He was still pretty banged up from the fall he took; however, it was pretty common knowledge at this point that Exodus could take a fair harder beating than most people and still have the drive and energy to continue onward, much like Kamina did as he was on the verge of death. He'd had his meals brought to him up until now, seeing as he was bedridden and all. And he finally got that haircut; though it certainly wasn't anything that could be considered stylish. The back was shaved down to its roots, leaving the sideburns, top and bangs messy and long; the only reason Yoko didn't see it was because the rest of his hair obscured it from her view.

By the time Yoko would arrive at his room, the large man would be sitting on the edge of his bed, his torso, right forearm, left bicep and shoulders still heavily bandaged. Even with the bandages, evidence of his trials - namely, the scars from his fights and the Silver Fire - could still be clearly seen over a large part of his exposed upper body. His head hung a little as his brown hues stared absently at the floor below, mostly from exhaustion; as tough as he was in a fight, falling from that height at that speed took a lot out of him.
 
Yoko entered the room quietly, standing in the door way to watch for a few minutes before she continued in. He was looking better than before, but that hair cut didn't really make much sense. Shrugging, she walked up to him, feeling just a little guilty for his injury. After all, she hadn't asked him to come after her. She'd done pretty well today--but Kamina was always there in the back of her mind, promising her that things would be better, kissing her and holding her. She wondered if that was how Exodus felt all the time about Harbringer.

"Hey. Feeling any better?" she asked, tilting her head. He seemed stronger than he had been, but he couldn't rush his recovery any more than she could rush hers.
 
Exodus lifted his head up as he heard Yoko's voice; well, she seemed to be coping with things a lot better. "Physically, yes" he replied flatly, unknowingly confirming Yoko's unasked question. He could feel it in the air; the mood was still somber and heavy. As he expected it would remain for some time; deaths of someone like Kamina tended to have that effect on people. He felt it too, but to an admittedly much lesser degree than the others.

He looked down at his right hand, clenching and unclenching it to see if there was any pain associated with his arms. He cringed a bit with each repetition; as he thought, he jarred himself pretty hard after that fall. He then looked up to meet Yoko's eyes with his own, that characteristic blankness having returned as he added, "You're looking better today....." He really didn't know what else to say to her besides that; what could be said? They both were on equal terms now in that respect; kind of hard to add new insight when both parties knew what the other was thinking.
 
"You seem better too," she said, taking a seat next to him. She looked him over and figured he must be in a lot of pain, and he must really hate being in a hospital bay bed so much. He was an active sort of person, so this must really be bothering him. Not to mention Kamina's death. She sighed and looked around. "How come it seems like we're always in a medical area when we have the deeper conversations?" she asked, looking up at the ceiling. "Seems silly that one of us has to be hurt if we need to talk," she turned her golden gaze to him.

"Can I ask you a question?"
 
"People get hurt in a war......It's just the way things go" he then replied in the same flat tone as she sat next to him; maybe it wasn't the response she was looking for, but then again, Exodus wasn't exactly well-known for any nonsense. Having people you cared about deeply be ripped cruelly away from you tended to make one die inside, and miss any potentially humorous jabs in an attempt to lighten mood. But, her question got his attention and his head turned to focus his brown hues on her.

"What is it?" he asked, softening his tone a little bit.
 
She looked at him for a long moment, thinking over her question. "After they died--Sovereign and Harbringer....did you ever stop thinking about their deaths? I mean, did your remember anything else about them? Or did their death sort of take over?"

She looked into his eyes, a bit pained and a bit embarrassed to ask. It seemed like lately, she was remembering more of his final moments and less of Kamina himself.
 
Well, that certainly wasn't the question he was expecting her to ask; still, he could see she was trying to cope with the loss. He breathed out a sigh as he replied, "Their deaths are definitely on the forefront of my mind, but that's not what makes me remember them" He paused, taking a bit of a breath; even after all this time, it was still hard to talk about them. But, the wounds wouldn't heal if he didn't give them a chance.

"I doubt you would have liked Sovereign....He was crude, abrasive, and loved to make a mess of things just for the hell of it....But he was my blood brother, my closest friend. He was honest, brutally honest. And fearless as all hell too. And I wouldn't trade him for anyone else in the world". His tone discussing Sovereign had grown somber, as if he were remembering the psychotic bastard that loved to blow shit up for fun. Which he was: In what seemed like an instant, photographs appeared in his mind, capturing visually the moments that he and Sovereign fought side-by-side against the Beastmen before a giant fireball erupted in his head, the last moment that Sovereign had spent alive on this world.

"Harbinger, as you know.....She was my lover, the woman I wanted to grow old with....Have a family with....You would have gotten along great with her.....She was kind, compassionate.....a bit hot-headed, but usually only because I used to be quite the reckless bastard. Even more than I am now". His tone when talking of Harbinger was especially somber; naturally so, given the special place she held in his heart. Same as before......Key moments played in his head, from the beach where they first consummated their love to moving into Bator, to fighting off Adiane. And then, another explosion in his mind: Harbinger's life being snuffed out, for his sake.

He breathed another sigh before adding, "As for thinking about their deaths....It's all I think about. How if maybe I'd done something differently, they'd still be here. About how much I screwed up....I was their leader, their comrade....." He paused, feeling the anxiety well up in his chest, his hand clenching in obvious mental anguish. "And I failed them......That's why.....I can't stop....I can't give in......" His teeth ground against each other, his jaw clenching so hard it was beginning to ache.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom