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Full Circle (Razgriz x Candira)

Before he could lose himself in those emotions entirely, Yoko put her arms around him, pulling him close to her. She held him to her and closed her eyes, tears leaking again. "I understand," she said softly. "You're not alone though...I keep replaying it and I know that it had to end the way it did, but I would give just about anything to change it," she said, half-whispering now. "I didn't mean for it to hurt...but I had to know if you remembered them for the good times as well. Because if this keeps up, I'll forget about what made Kamina so special to me and only remember the feeling...and the pain."

She opened her eyes and held him a little tighter. "Thank you for telling me, Exodus. I know it's hard to do."
 
Exodus paused, his eyes opening in surprise as he felt Yoko embrace him. He could feel the tears leaking onto his shoulder as she held him, telling him how she wished to change it. A fruitless endeavor, but one they both undertook anyway; it was like this was how they remembered their fallen friends.

He took in a shuttering breath, feeling himself calm immensely as he replied, "It is....hard. But I need to, I'll go insane if I don't". He then sighed and added, "She used to do this too....Harbinger....would hold me like you are now whenever I got too down about Sovereign. It was....comforting....It is....comforting". He then placed a hand over one of her arms, touching it gently as if to see if it was really there, "Thank you...Yoko".
 
Yoko looked up as he spoke to her again, letting the hand on his arm comfort her as he told her just how much like Harbringer she really was. Maybe the two of them really would get along. Who knew? It was too late to wonder about that now, though. Harbringer was definitely not coming back, which only made Exodus' plight sadder. "I wish I could do more," she said softly. "Any time you need me, just say so," she said, putting her head back down on his shoulder. If only she had someone to hold her, too. Maybe she would feel better.
 
Exodus' heart grew a little heavier as she told him her desire of being able to do more; she was this kind even with such a heavy loss on her part. If only he'd done more.....Kamina would still be here, and Yoko would have someone to love her and hold her and tell her she was special, like he and Harbinger used to have. "I'm sorry, Kamina.....I screwed it all up" he thought to himself, recalling the unspoken promise he made to give the two of them a better world to live in.

Now Yoko had to deal with the same pain he did; it wasn't fair. Not for someone like her....Exodus' hand dropped from Yoko's arm before he turned to Yoko and in a rather surprising move, wrapped his muscled appendages around her, gently. "I wish I could have done more; you don't deserve to go through this, Yoko. I'm sorry this had to happen; but know that I'm here for you." He paused, letting the words sink in before repeating her words back to her, "Anytime you need me, just say so" He kept his arms in the delicate - for him, anyway - embrace, hoping he was doing the right thing.
 
She held tight to Exodus, until he turned and grabbed her into a fierce hug. Surprised her eyes widened but she immediately returned his embrace, tearing up a little. She took comfort in his arms, closing her eyes as he held her. "Neither of us deserved it. But the important thing is that we get through it, right?" She smiled softly and just stayed here for awhile. "From now on, I've got your back and you've got mine," she said softly.
 
Exodus continued to hold Yoko close to him, feeling her tears drip against his skin as his impressively muscled arms maintained the comforting hold around her. "That sounds like a good plan....I like it" Exodus replied, his tone having lost none of its somber quality; however, he would hold the embrace for as long as she needed, no matter what.
 
After a long moment, she sighed and slowly pulled away. "Exodus...Thank you," she said softly. "I'm not sure what I'd do without you. Probably, I'd be dead now if it weren't for you. And I know I haven't been all that grateful lately...but I wanted to thank you just the same." She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Even if I'm in pain, I'm alive, and that's more than I could say otherwise." She smiled softly and wondered if he still needed her here. It had been nice in his arms--she could see why Harbringer might have enjoyed having someone like Exodus hold her. She'd felt infinitely safe and warm. Hopefully, she'd given him the comfort he needed as well.
 
(Sorry for the late reply, was trying to think of something that would throw a wrench in the tender moment, lolz)
"You forget.....I wasn't exactly the warmest person when you guys brought me in" he replied unflinchingly; he knew he was a jerk to them more times than he probably wanted to be. But significant loss screws with a person's head, whether they want to admit it or not. "I know for a fact I would have been dead had you guys not rescued me from the Beastmen....I have just as much to be thankful to you for." Personally, he felt like he was eternally in their debt; if the Beastmen had gotten a hold of him that one day, it would have been all over for him. But Yoko and the others gave him a second chance, so he would try his damnedest not to screw it up.

He breathed a slight sigh, as if feeling a bit lost on where to go to from here. He imagined Yoko probably wanted to be alone, and he was about to say she should probably go get some rest when all of a sudden a low voice said rather pointedly, "Exodus......." The recovering renegade turned his head to see none other than Simon staring at him, a fire of anger and sadness burning in his eyes. "Ah, damn...." Exodus thought to himself as he realized what happened: Simon was listening in on their conversation and probably overheard Exodus' rationale for leaving Kamina to die.

"Simon" Exodus replied flatly, his somewhat empty gaze peering right into Simon's burning one. This perhaps the wrong thing to do in this situation; Simon's hands clenched as he then said, "You bastard.........You let him die.....Why?..." Exodus breathed out a sigh; so he was right, Simon had overheard him. "If you want to be black and white about it, then yes...." Exodus replied listlessly, perhaps a bit too coldly for the poor kid to handle, as Simon then stormed forward, grabbed the bandages over the warrior's chest and slammed him into the wall with surprising strength. "Kamina counted on you.......And you left to him die! Why, damn it!?!" he then shouted, tears starting to stream down his face.

Exodus just breathed out in exasperation; he knew the kid was stricken with grief, but now he was just being irrational. He and Simon just stared at each other before Exodus replied, "Simon, if you're asking me that question, then you know of the choice I was faced with..." At this Simon paused, blinking in confusion, "What....?" "It was either save Kamina or save Yoko; if I didn't act, one of them was going to die. I don't know fully why I did what I did...." but Simon then just shouted, "I don't care about your excuses! Why should you get to live...Kamina sacrificed everything, he rallied everyone to fight! You're nothing but a broken, bitter old man!" Exodus just stared at him blankly this whole time, letting the kid rant; he was acting out his anger, his outrage from the throes of depression. Exodus had kind of been the same way when Harbinger died and he was recovered from his injuries in Littner, though Simon was taking the insults a tad too far by suggesting he should have died in Kamina's place.
 
Yoko watched as Simon unleashed his anger. She could certainly understand his pain, and where he was coming from, but it was harder for her to stay mad at someone who'd gone through the same thing, not to mention someone who saved her life. Simon was probably justified in his anger...to a point. He crossed a line, however, when it came to wishing Exodus was dead instead.

The redhead came forth and stepped between Simon and Exodus, tears in her eyes. "Enough!" she yelled, her voice like a slap in Simon's face. "You think I'm not pissed off at what happened? You think he's not feeling guilty?!" She glared at him, the glitter of tears in her eyes. "You think I'm not guilty for still being alive? Should I have died in his place, too?" She growled. "Don't you dare wish that on someone, Simon! It's too much."

And then she ran off, unable to hide her hurt any longer, she raced back into her room and locked herself in, shaking and crying.
 
Simon indeed faltered in his anger towards Exodus as Yoko's sudden defense of the veteran made him stumble backwards, his hands coming loose from the bandages on the warrior's chest. "Yoko....." he muttered, his eyes wide with surprise and disbelief; now the poor kid was really conflicted. Here was this woman he loved so much, yet didn't have the courage to tell her, defending the man who basically - in his mind - admitted to letting his bro, his best friend die at the hands of the Beastmen. "T..that's not what I...." he started to say, trying to defend himself before she ran off, her eyes streaming with tears.

Exodus, meanwhile, indeed felt a flash of rage course through him as he saw Yoko bolt from the room; he knew Simon was angry, but he'd tried to comfort her and now all that progress was undone. But, he knew getting mad would just escalate the problem further, so he waited a few moments before saying, "Simon.....I know your pain. I know you're hurting, and I know you looked up to Kamina with a lot of respect and brotherly love, but sometimes things happen that are beyond our control". Simon's fists just clenched even more, "You talk like you knew how we were! You don't know anything! You don't even care!" He sniffed, feeling his sadness and rage well up before adding, "Your eyes are dead......You don't care....You don't care one bit..."

And then before Exodus could even reply, the little digger stormed out of the room; needless to say, their little spectacle had made many of the conscious patients and their attendants stare at him, and where Simon and Yoko had once been. Exodus just gazed back at them blankly, saying after a small sigh, "Well, that could have gone better". Of course, he was a bit pissed at Simon for the things he said, even if he knew deep down it was just the hurt talking. Exodus decided that Simon just needed to cool off; however, he felt bad about leaving Yoko in such a distraught state. Plus, he needed to walk around; he'd spent too much damn time in hospital beds as it was. He soon walked, a very slight limp in his step as he asked around to find where Yoko's room was. Once he had that information, he made his way to her door and knocked three times, his taps gentle. "Yoko....It's me...." Exodus said gently; he didn't know why he felt so strongly about doing this when he wasn't even the one at fault, but something about her made him want to protect her. From all threats, both physical and mental.
 
Yoko heard the knocking and quickly tried to pull herself together. At the sound of Exodus' voice she frowned and sighed, wishing that she'd been able to hold it together in his presence. She'd been doing so well...And then that ugly scene with Simon. He was so in the wrong. Loss or not, there was no excuse for that kind of talk. She wondered if that had something to do with why Exodus was here. So she tried for her brave face, falling just short. She opened the door to see him standing there, her face her tears, her posture making her seem as vulnerable as she felt.
 
Upon seeing her answer the door, Exodus could tell what Simon said affected her greatly. He knew why Simon talked the way he did; however, him hurting someone who also clearly cared about Kamina on more than just a friendship level was inexcusable. Simon himself was the furthest thing from Exodus' mind; but the injured man didn't exactly know what to say, his semi-dulled eyes simply gazing into hers. "Hey...." was all he said, suddenly feeling at a total loss at what he could say; her expression and body language said everything for her. And he wasn't about to apologize for what Simon said; the kid was going to have to do that himself.

Still, he felt like he should say something, as the silence was beginning to feel a bit awkward. "Mind if I come in? My leg is killing me...." he then asked listlessly; while the pain in his leg was most certainly manageable, he felt that whatever they might talk about would be best to do in private. So, in short, he was making an excuse with his injury.
 
Without, hesitation, Yoko took some of Exodus' weight off his leg and brought him to her bed, sitting down beside him. "You shouldn't push yourself too hard," she said softly. "Are you okay?" She was still in vulnerable mode, but she was more concerned about him than herself at this point. The redhead looked into his eyes, watching his face as they sat there together. She wondered if he'd come here because of what Simon had said, or if it was because of something else--and if so, then what? Either way, she found it hard to not like him being there.

She wouldn't ask for it, but she felt like she needed a hug.
 
"Yeah, I'm fine....Probably just a sprain or something" he replied to her question, choosing to ignore her statement about pushing himself too hard as she helped him sit on her bed. After a few minutes of feeling her eyes on him, he finally managed to say, "Yoko.....I won't apologize for what Simon said......And know that I don't blame or think any less of you for reacting the way you did. It was obvious that you and Kamina were close, closer than friends. But, Simon felt the same way......The kid's just hurt. I know it doesn't make what he said any less unacceptable.....but still..." He had a feeling he was starting to ramble so he just cut himself off, letting the silence finalize his thoughts on that particular issue and giving her a chance to reply.

Instead of a hug like she might have wanted, thinking that she probably didn't want to be touched like that, Exodus just laid a hand on her shoulder, "Regardless of what happened with Simon, I just wanted to let you know, Yoko...." He then trailed off, his little talk pausing as he tried to find the words that he could use to help ease her obvious pain. It was obvious that he was having difficulty with this; he was usually the one being comforted due to his rather unstable mentality, and now the shoe was on the other foot. He just hoped he was actually helping her; he then reversed his decision, gently wrapping his strong arms around her and whispering into her ear, "....If it ever gets to be too much, just tell me. If there's anything I can ever do for you, don't be afraid to ask, OK?"
 
Yoko listened to what he had to say and shook her head. "I can understand where he's coming from," she said softly, looking down. I think the only reason I'm not as mad as he is at you is because you saved me. Kamina, had he known about it and been free, would probably have done the same thing for me." She paused, letting that thought really sink in. "It's still hard to accept that he's gone, and that you and I had a role in that, however significant or insignificant...but Kamina wouldn't have blamed you. He might have been angry at the situation or even at himself, but he would never have blamed anyone but who was at fault--the beastmen. It takes awhile to work past that initial anger to see that. I can understand Simon, I can. But he shouldn't have said that to you. None of this is your fault. You just did what you felt was best at the time."

She smiled softly and watched him as he put a hand on her shoulder, his reassurance sending warmth coursing through her. She looked back into his eyes and blinked as he pulled her into a hug. She smiled and returned the embrace, closing her eyes as she took his support. "Thank you," she whispered, just staying there for awhile before she let him go. "Sorry I'm such a mess. But thank you for understanding. That's probably the best think you can do for me right now. Don't worry, if I need help, I'll ask."
 
After breaking from the embrace himself, Exodus hunched over with his large forearms resting on his knees, "There's no probably to it, Yoko.......He'd have saved you, I can guarantee it" Exodus replied, staring at the ground Her sentiment about still trying to accept that he was really gone was an ever-present demon on his shoulder, one he was still trying to get over. Well, maybe not that so much, it was more guilt that he didn't do more to help make sure that they got out alive. He heaved a sigh before replying to her comment about how he wasn't at fault. "Yeah, but one can only wish things went better, how if you look back, you might have done things differently.....But that's not how the world works, you only get one chance to do things one way and pray it works out".

He then shook his head slowly, adding, "But you've got nothing to be sorry about, Yoko....You're doing a lot better than I was...." Having a feeling she might not believe him given her current state, he decided to share another piece of information with her. About himself, his past, "That story I told you all those months ago.....Well, I'm sure you can gather some things were a bit too sensitive to talk about...When Sovereign died, I was a wreck....Not as bad as when you first found me, but a damn close third...." He gave a small breath as if to clear his mind before continuing, "To say I was depressed wouldn't do it justice, I'd just about given up on everything." His eyes then wandered up to the ceiling, his tone remaining as flat as it had been up to this point, as if it were casual conversation, "I can look back and see it clearly.....No wonder Harbinger chewed me out like she did......I was such a baby......"
 
Yoko hugged him again as soon as he started to get down on himself again. She pulled him close and shook her head. "Of course you were a wreck. Sovereign was like your brother, right? You're big crazy brother. I'd have been surprised if you weren't a wreck...but Harbringer was right too," she said, softly. "There has to be a point where we can let go...at least a little." She sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm trying so hard to make it work. And I'm sure you do the same every day."
 
Exodus nodded, "I know......But they were my everything......I fought so hard for their sake......And I still let them down. That's why I can't stop, no matter what". He then looked down at her and said, "But if there is one thing I can say to you, Yoko - even though you probably already know this - it's turn Kamina's death into inspiration. Not to blindly charge in, but as your source of strength to continue". He realized how counter-intuitive it might sound to her, given the recency of her loss, but he found it sound advice that he adhered to. Perhaps a little too strongly.

He then gently removed himself from her embrace, saying "Well, I'm sure you've listened to me ramble enough.....I should probably get going" With that he stood up, the bed lifting slightly as it was relieved of the relatively heavy addition before Exodus slowly made his way to the door of her room. If by some chance Yoko wanted him to stay, it was time to speak up; otherwise, he'd leave her to her thoughts, thinking he'd said his piece and hoping he'd helped her in some small way.
 
"I understand," she said softly. "I know how much they meant to you...And they'll always be with you, one way or another. Just like Kamina will always be with me." She sighed and let him go, watching as he stood up and started to walk away. She stood up after him and kissed his cheek before he managed to leave. "Thank you, Exodus. I know it doesn't seem like it all the time, but you really are helping me." She smiled softly and then helped him through the door.
 
"It's least I can do.....After everything you've done for me" Exodus said as Yoko helped him make his way through the door. Once there, he said gently, "Alright, I think I can handle it from here. Take care of yourself, Yoko" With that, the seasoned warrior made his out of Yoko's sight, having the unmentioned objective of seeing if he had a spot on the ship to call his own besides the med bay. After some searching and asking around, he found it; a fairly sizable room in the upper levels of the now Dai-Gurren.

Frankly he was surprised that they even had bedrooms like this; he'd often found Beastmen sleeping in pods of some sort. But then maybe his forces were largely comprised of Supers, who - according to the researchers he'd killed with Harbinger and Sovereign - didn't need to do that. Regardless, Exodus laid himself down and let his exhaustion carry him off to the realm of dreams. Strangely enough, his sleep would have no nightmares, no horrific flashbacks of the two worst days of his life. This would indeed be the most peaceful sleep he'd gotten in a while.

The next morning, Exodus awoke, his body still feeling somewhat sore but infinitely better than how he'd been the past few days. He stood a bit sluggishly from the surprisingly comfortable mattress, soon hearing and feeling his stomach grumble. He found that his limp was mostly gone, save for a few missteps here and there. He wondered what he would need to do get food; however, he soon heard what appeared to be a large number of people talking. He made his way to the source and found a rather large cafeteria-style room where he could smell food being prepared. He grabbed himself some food as well and made his way to an empty table, where he began eat by slowly picking at his food
 
Simon was already in the training room, having ignored his own need for food. He wouldn't stop until he absolutely needed to. He was fighting with the Black siblings, working hard to pick up the slack Kamina's death had left him to deal with. He had to get stronger, had to be more like his bro! He needed to be more.

Yoko was slowly getting a hold of herself. Though she'd been eating before and talking to others, it had all blurred together--she couldn't have told anyone what they'd been talking about before. She couldn't even remember what she'd ate last night. But today, she was starting to appreciate little things more. Exodus had helped her a great deal already. She took a deep breath and walked to the cafeteria, heading out for some breakfast. She had training of her own to do today too.

When she had a loaded plate, she came to Exodus' table, sitting across from him. She smiled softly and hoped that this meant he was feeling better. "Morning."
 
Exodus hadn't seen Simon since that ugly little face-down the two of them had yesterday; he couldn't help but wonder how the little digger was holding up under all this pressure. If yesterday was any indication, though, it was very likely not too well, not that he blamed the kid. Exodus had more experience in personal loss, though that was something he couldn't see anyone in their right mind wanting to brag about. And even still, after all this time, he was still feeling it, hanging over his head like a dark cloud.

But he turned his attention to Yoko as she sat across from him. It would seem that Exodus and Yoko would be dining alone for the moment, not that Exodus minded. "Morning" he replied flatly, toying with his food absentmindedly. Well, this certainly went from zero to awkward in nothing flat; at least in his mind, anyway. He wanted to say something, anything to break the tension. "So....What's on the agenda today?" he then asked, trying his hand at one of his weaker suits: small talk.
 
If he hadn't seemed so trapped in his thoughts, she might not have sat with him because he wasn't exactly the master of communication....of any kind. In fact, the awkwardness of their conversation might have been funny if not for the fact that he seemed so...monotonous. It just didn't seem like him. She smiled softly and shook her head. "I have some training to do with rapid fire situations and sniping, and then I have gun maintenance. Not to mention if any gunman show up...But that's just me. You know...Gimmi and Darri are worried about you. They've been asking about you a lot. Maybe you should find them today if you have some time. I'm sure they'd love to see you again."

The little kids had been asking the adults every day. Since the battle and losing Kamina, the two of them had done their best to stay quiet and out of the way, just exploring the Dai Gunzan instead of hanging around the infirmary where they couldn't seem to do anything to help. But it didn't stop them from asking about him. They really did seem to love the big guy.
 
"I see....I think I will; though I have to say I'm surprised they still want me around. After everything that's happened" he then replied, picking at his food. The innocence of a child really did know no limits, no bounds, it would seem. And Exodus was glad for that to a very large degree; even if he couldn't be a biological father, he could at least help raise Gimmi and Darri into responsible adults. Give him a small taste of what it was like to be a parent.

Just then, a thought crossed his mind: The conversation they had in the Cave Village with the Priest. He knew it wasn't all that long ago they were there, but it sure felt like it. He remembered Yoko's words quite clearly, "Anyway, I appreciate the apology. But don't worry about thanking me. I'm sure someday you'll have to talk me down too" He then spoke up, "Hey, Yoko...Guess I got to talk you down after all, eh? And here I thought it'd only be you talking me down" An (admittedly very lame) attempt at a joke by Exodus, to help lighten the mood; then again, he was never one for humor. That was Sovereign's department, strangely enough.
 
Yoko smiled at the thought of Exodus and the children. He was so good with them. Despite not being terribly good at talking to adults, he had a real knack for interacting with those kids. Of course, it helped that they seemed to love him unconditionally. He was their big brother...much in the same way that Kamina had been for Simon. It wasn't hard to see why his pain was so deep. Why it was lingering. Still, it wasn't something that Yoko could help him with. He had to pull out on his own...and she was having a hard enough time to pulling herself out of depression.

"I'm not really surprised," she said softly. "You've got charisma. And they can tell you love them. That's really all that matters." At his joke about him talking her down, she tilted her head, not really sure what he was talking about. "Talk me down?" From what? It wasn't as though she'd attempted to do something violent or self-destructive...
 
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