“Ohhhh…fuck, baby,” Shiloh panted. “That was, that was…I don’t even know what that was. But you were amazing. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to be on that big, comfy bed with all of you every night."
That remained top of mind for Shiloh as she
actually showered off this time, borrowed one of Erika’s
black silk kimonos that fit her very well (that Erika, true to form, later complimented her on), and accepted profuse apologies from both Erika and Jane for pushing her into a foursome when she wasn’t ready (and in fact rebuffed them, since Shiloh hadn’t even known that she’d be overwhelmed by it all, so how would they?) Shiloh then expressed just how glad she was to finally be able to rest, and smiled in the middle of the bed as Yasmine spooned her softly from behind that whole night, both women sleeping on their left sides. Jane, ever one for military training, slept with one eye open on her right side just in case. And Erika was sprawled on her back, though a little less than she would like
And yet, all of Yasmine's lovers went to bed with worries on their minds. Jane wondered whether she'd be able to protect her fiancee, when they would be able to get married in all this craziness, if they would
live to be able to do that, and if she'd ever have a normal, comfortable relationship with Yasmine in public. Erika was determined to keep running as long as she could, and yet feeling more tired than she ever thought possible, and that made her then start to wonder if she'd ever be useful again, as she'd put her. She knew she was going to keep the baby, but she also wondered whether she'd made a mistake bringing up a new life here, in this terrifying hellscape. And yet, the whole world was coming down around their ears; so where, exactly, would
ever be safe enough for their family?
Shiloh's state, however, was the worst of out of the three. At least Erika and Jane were able to sleep at all; Shiloh's ears were acutely aware of all the city's noises, and her mind raced with the faces of everyone she'd ever encountered as her thoughts became all the potential comments from fans upset and concerned about her disappearance, and the dark ceiling was alive with flashes of the things she'd done, and the people she'd had to fight to survive. How could she ever face them if she sought comfort instead of justice? Who was she if she hung up the armor of Deirdre, after all this time? Just a toy meant to please Yasmine? All that anxiety meant her eyes were wide open for most of the night, and yet she didn't move in order to not bother Yasmine while she pleasantly slumbered, and she only lost the battle with sleep because her eyelids were crushed by the weight of her exhaustion.
Then, in the morning, instead of Shiloh, Yasmine would find a note lying on the pillow to her left.
"My dearest Yasmine,
I want you to know, before you read anything else, that this is not goodbye. I realized last night how deep and true my buried feelings for you are, and that is still the case.
But we can't be together. Not yet. Not in the way that I so desperately want us to be. Not as long as that (likely fat and old) Councilperson continues to track our every move. If they suspect that I'm suddenly not attacking your businesses, then he'll throw everything he has at you. At Erika. At Jane. I can't put you all in danger just because I want to spend every night in your arms, making all my shit up to you. And, besides, I'm more useful out there, tracking down who this person is, who this 'Toussaint' I keep hearing about is, and what if anything they want from us.
I should emphasize that this does not mean I'm out of reach...just try not to find me until I let you know it's safe. I have my BioJack up still, and will broadcast where I am when I would like to rendezvous with you. And I'll still try to sleep on this bed when I can, because seriously?! It's so fucking soft. Like, how? I digress.
One last thing...I've been thinking a lot about Connor. About what he meant to me, to everyone. At first, I was a little fixated on whether it would indeed be wrong to pursue you, and whether I'd made a mistake. The thing I realized, though, is that you and I both know that Connor always put others before himself. He made life in a cold, abandoned construction project not only bearable, but full of life and laughter for all of us, because he was only ever concerned with whether the people he loved were happy. I think, if he were alive, he would be ecstatic for us...after a great deal of trademark Connor teasing and innuendo!
The most important thing is that this city snuffed out his light, and that the only way we're going to be able to happy, and finally, truly grieve for him in peace, is if we stop these people, any people who seek power to the exclusion of all other goals from taking any more Connors away from any more families. I thought you were one of those people once, but you proved me wrong. So let's prove them all wrong.
-S"
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