i went on an adventure last night. before anyone asks,
no. i wasn't on anything. i was completely sober. if
i had been high, or drunk even, i'm sure that my night
wouldn't have happened the way it did.
i don't normally feel the need to walk around at night.
i don't normally feel the need to walk around period.
but when things just get too stuffy inside my room,
and no where else in the house can remedy my
situation, it's the only option i have. it was three in
the morning. not the best time to go out wandering,
especially when you end up being downtown for two
hours by yourself, but i wasn't stupid about it. i've
lived here long enough to know that if i leave the
house without any means to protect myself in a bad
situation, i'm pretty much asking for something to go
wrong. but i didn't leave the house without anything
to protect myself with.
at first, i had no idea where i was going. i was just
walking, because i needed the fresh air, and walking
never hurt anyone. it was a little off putting, having
sat down and then not even a few minutes later, some
guy pulls up in a truck. his "hey there" put me off even
more, because that's the first thing you imagine a
creeper saying to you. he asked me if i needed a ride,
and i told him that i was good. i could have this guy
pegged all wrong- he could've been genuinely trying to
help me out, but the chances and risks are really slim.
either way, he went on his way, and i went on mine.
we don't have a large down town, about two streets
in total, so it didn't take long to walk the entire length
of it. i decided to take a break and sat down on
one of our 'abandoned' buildings that no one's bothered
to buy yet. it smelt good for some reason. like flavored
playdough, right when you take it out of the tube. i was
focusing on it a little too much, maybe. a girl walked over,
saw my smoke, and asked if i had an extra i wouldn't mind
giving her. i pulled out my case and handed her one, and
then gave her a light. the first thing i asked her was if
she was okay. normal people don't stay downtown that
late of night unless something is going on. she sat down,
told me she was fine and that she was just waiting on a
ride. i didn't know if she was lying, i didn't really care, and
prying into a stranger's life isn't something i'm ever interested
in. there was silence after that. i didn't know what to say,
i don't think she did either. and then she asked me if i was
alright. she didn't even look at me when she asked, but she
still asked it. that's all that really matters.
even though i know nothing about her, her being a complete
stranger to me, i liked the fact that she still asked. my
response wasn't like hers, though. told her i was as okay as
this world can get. she laughed at that, most likely getting
what i meant by it. she got up after her smoke, said she was
going to go see if her ride was somewhere else, and walked
off down the street. i don't think it was even ten minutes
before she came back and sat down again. she asked me what
i was doing. what does someone say to that? i told her that
i didn't know. she gave me one of those looks, the ones that
kind of feel like they're judging you, but at the same time, trying
to find a solution. she said she didn't understand, and then i
just told her i was roaming to get out of the house. she seemed
to get that better.
her ride showed up, some guy on a bike, but it was still a ride.
she left, and i stayed there for a little longer. i don't know
how many smokes i went through last night. when i left the
house, i had my entire case full. by the time i had walked back
into the door, i only had one left. mind you, i gave two of them
away, one to her, and another to a guy just passing by. i most
likely smoked more smokes last night than i have in a month. i
don't know if that's stress, or if it's just me finally not giving a
fuck.
when i got back home, it was almost five. i wasn't tired, so i
tried to play video games to settle myself down. didn't really
work out. i ended up getting a really bad cold chill, and i took
a warm bath to get rid of it. it wasn't until i got out of the bath
that i started to get sick. i don't know if i'm just catching some
kind of bug, because of the weather change, or if my nerves are
just this bad. whatever it is, i'm not enjoying it.
