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Topics you're tired of being asked to do

Staine said:
...I definitely don't see how it's unrealistic since, you know, it's something we really do. In a lot of the BDSM communities I am in, it seems to be the norm too, that after a scene the sub is still sub, even in switch relationships but that just may be the people I talk to so I am loathe to say it is the most common practice...
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I don't really talk about this much, but I used to be in a small BDSM community when I lived in another city. Before that I had a "Dom" for a stint. But for the... 5? 6? years that I was involved between all of them (as well as online places like fetlife) I have found the BDSM community as a (generalized) whole to be mostly pretentious. I'm not saying there aren't some really cool and legit people in it. But the ones that make themselves front and center are typically just a bunch of edgelords that want to exemplify how Dommy or Subby they are to anyone that will give them attention. In my experience, the Doms are (usually) men that use the scene to be dicks to women, and the subs (usually women) are very bitchy and territorial and think that anyone coming around to talk to a group is attempting to move in on their Dom.

One of the many issues I had with one group was that I was easily the youngest in the lot, and felt like I was being eyed like fresh meat every time I'd go around to the munches.

Anyhow, I know that was a little off track. Bu tI thought I'd chide in with that since it seemed relevant.

I guess to relate it back to what we were talking about, irl BDSM is hardly on the level with what I see it advertised and portrayed like in online RP.
 
Staine said:
For the Dom/sub switch thing you're talking about, I think you're both using sweeping statements like 'lazy' or 'too much effort' when there is sometimes more to it than that. Experiences and your own mindset can play a huge part in it. I am a switch, and am in a BDSM relationship with my partner. When she puts me into subspace, she knows exactly how to push all my buttons and because of the kinks we have, I don't just turn or switch mid play. It doesn't work for us, it's not appealing to me at all and has nothing even remotely to do with effort. Because of that, that's often how I write it, though the fact I only write a sub or switch with her might have something to do with that. Likewise, when I am Dominant, she doesn't just switch on me either.

I think what you can take away from that is people are different, and what you want in your roleplay may not be what they want for a variety of reasons, and you can never know their motivations without asking. Communication with your partner can solve that issue, learn upfront what they want or tell them what you want and see if you can come to an agreement. I definitely don't see how it's unrealistic since, you know, it's something we really do. In a lot of the BDSM communities I am in, it seems to be the norm too, that after a scene the sub is still sub, even in switch relationships but that just may be the people I talk to so I am loathe to say it is the most common practice.
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Well, I stated that it wasn't always realistic. A BDSM relationship is also not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a non-BDSM vanilla sex scene, where dom/sub wasn't worked out IC. My male is almost always the dom and the female is almost always the sub. I don't dislike it, but spicing up that dynamic with a sudden shift would be fun. I wouldn't describe my partners who don't do it as 'lazy', but the creativity isn't high, either. In a non-BDSM situation, switching is down to personal preference. Communication can solve the issue, yes, but we're coming from two different places here, I think.
 
Murdergurl said:
I don't really talk about this much, but I used to be in a small BDSM community when I lived in another city. Before that I had a "Dom" for a stint. But for the... 5? 6? years that I was involved between all of them (as well as online places like fetlife) I have found the BDSM community as a (generalized) whole to be mostly pretentious. I'm not saying there aren't some really cool and legit people in it. But the ones that make themselves front and center are typically just a bunch of edgelords that want to exemplify how Dommy or Subby they are to anyone that will give them attention. In my experience, the Doms are (usually) men that use the scene to be dicks to women, and the subs (usually women) are very bitchy and territorial and think that anyone coming around to talk to a group is attempting to move in on their Dom.

One of the many issues I had with one group was that I was easily the youngest in the lot, and felt like I was being eyed like fresh meat every time I'd go around to the munches.

Anyhow, I know that was a little off track. Bu tI thought I'd chide in with that since it seemed relevant.

I guess to relate it back to what we were talking about, irl BDSM is hardly on the level with what I see it advertised and portrayed like in online RP.
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I agree, a lot of the communities can be very pretentious which is something I hate, especially high protocol. Can't fault you for not wanting to be a part of that, myself and my partner avoid it too. Munches can be hit or miss, it's been a long time since I went to one but if people were making you feel like you were fresh meat, they shouldn't have been there. They are meant to be casual. What I was saying was I roleplay my switches without them switching mid scene because it's how we practice it, that it's nothing to do with lack of effort. Also don't want to knock how you want to write it because it does sound quite fun even if it's not my thing, may even work it into a scene or two in one of my roleplays. :)

True Grave said:
Well, I stated that it wasn't always realistic. A BDSM relationship is also not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a non-BDSM vanilla sex scene, where dom/sub wasn't worked out IC. My male is almost always the dom and the female is almost always the sub. I don't dislike it, but spicing up that dynamic with a sudden shift would be fun. I wouldn't describe my partners who don't do it as 'lazy', but the creativity isn't high, either. In a non-BDSM situation, switching is down to personal preference. Communication can solve the issue, yes, but we're coming from two different places here, I think.
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I think you're probably right, we are coming from different places, I just wanted my opinion out there to give something for the 'other side' so to speak. In a vanilla scene then of course, control of it can be very much a flow and fluctuate. Sorry if we got our wires crossed!
 
Staine said:
I agree, a lot of the communities can be very pretentious which is something I hate, especially high protocol. Can't fault you for not wanting to be a part of that, myself and my partner avoid it too. Munches can be hit or miss, it's been a long time since I went to one but if people were making you feel like you were fresh meat, they shouldn't have been there. They are meant to be casual.
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It's behind me now, tbh. I'm pretty vanilla and boring these days. I get out my wiggles via RPs if the mood strikes.

Staine said:
What I was saying was I roleplay my switches without them switching mid scene because it's how we practice it, that it's nothing to do with lack of effort. Also don't want to knock how you want to write it because it does sound quite fun even if it's not my thing, may even work it into a scene or two in one of my roleplays. :)
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I wasn't really talking about switches. More so that RPers lke to drop themselves into the role of Dom or Sub like it's a cookie cutter role. MY preference is that everyone drop these titles and play out their traits, see where that takes 'em and react more with what you think your character would do situationally instead of delegating to the pretense of the role.

Playing as a "switch" to me just means you're gonna do what comes natural, and the title shouldn't really have its own nomenclature as that's what people generally are if they dont prescribe themselves to the title of Dom or sub.

But opinions are like assholes: Everyone has their own. This is just mine (opinion, not asshole). ;-)
 
Ah, fair, fair. I rather enjoy playing out the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship, whatever they may be, so I tend to follow those and add the flair elsewhere in my roleplays, including the titles a lot of the time. Not always of course, would be boring if I were to only play one kind of dynamic or character, but as you say it does come down to your roleplay preference. Mine tends to be more defined roles with my partner though how we get there and if things change depends on what happens when the writing starts, I never quite know how it will go which is the exciting part for me.

What defines a switch to me depends on the person themselves. There are those that are switches but only take one role with a specific partner, those that like to switch often and fluidly and those that switch for periods of time or as and when it's needed to name a few, and I do feel that can translate into roleplay too.

Your opinion is quite valid, thank you for sharing it with me!

And True Grave, that's an excellent outlook on life, very commendable.
 
Doing the dishes.

There's this partner of mine who keeps insisting on it, even though the novelty wore off years ago.
 
I'm pretty (extremely) specific regarding what I like, so I'm lucky not to be asked to do things I'm not interested in very often.

That being said: non-con that turns into con, or non-con that was secretly con all along, or any other variation of non-con that makes it not non-con.
 
The so many times I have gotten then daddy/daughter incest or even not incest ones with my character wanting them so much, just needs to have them without any reason at all. I used to get so much Incest Requests though that I tried putting in my RT that I had no interest in it at all and not to PM me about it. Still really didn't stop them from coming, now I have at least a little interest but I have no interest in my character just being this drooling sex doll you want to screw. If I decide to do a story, any story my character is going to be much more then those people are probably willing to deal with. You know, opinionated and all. I don't mind smut either, but there still has to be some plot and character to my smut.
 
- Incest. This is way, way too common. I don't understand the male fascination with the kink to be honest. I don't mind incest in my stories I just don't see it as a plot.
- Playing a full cast of harem. This is way too common, boring, and overdone. Its extremely hard to find a plot that naturally encompasses this without being extraneously long term.
- Playing a dominant female to a submissive male/mommy play. I'd say this is the second most common request I get and have never agreed on.
- Infidelity. Its up there. Its fine to write but, again, I want an actual plot.
- Feet. Its one of my few no-nos and I always grit my teeth in frustration whenever someone asks this.
 
Asking about kinks when it clearly states in my RT that I don't do smut/ write out sex scenes.

Kissing, hand holding, teasing, references to sex, all that is fine, but actually writing out a full adult scene? No.

Maybe it would help if I write that I don't do it for personal reasons? But still, asking about kinks makes me think the requester didn't bother to read my RT.
 
Forbidden Fruit said:
- Incest. This is way, way too common. I don't understand the male fascination with the kink to be honest. I don't mind incest in my stories I just don't see it as a plot.
- Playing a full cast of harem. This is way too common, boring, and overdone. Its extremely hard to find a plot that naturally encompasses this without being extraneously long term.
- Playing a dominant female to a submissive male/mommy play. I'd say this is the second most common request I get and have never agreed on.
- Infidelity. Its up there. Its fine to write but, again, I want an actual plot.
- Feet. Its one of my few no-nos and I always grit my teeth in frustration whenever someone asks this.
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all this
 
Being asked to write dominant girls or just having people assume that's what I'll write in general. I use a lot of girls with tattoos and coloured hair and it seems to be a theme that everyone assumes you're dominant if you do. I also write a lot of trans women and they're hardstuck assumed as a dominant type of woman more than anything else, including straight men. I'm also annoyed by how often people ask me to write multiple girls and then complain if any of them are Brazilian or anything with a slightly darker complexion than the typical light-skinned American. I also dislike always being asked/told to change my face claim because her chest is smaller (I'm always being suggested girls with massive breast sizes) or because she has a little bit of muscle. I probably get asked to write stories that involve cheating more than anything and I'm just not into it at all.
 
-Master and slave/pet. That shit got old ages ago. Especially without a fun plot to work with.
-Also I am not interested at all in typical dom/sub dynamics, but that may be my bratty/switch nature kicking in. I will never completely submit to anyone, especially not without a fight and a show of force. I like being put in my place, and that reflects in my characters. Give me a reason to offer my characters to you on a silver platter beyond your character being the designated dom.
-Faceclaims. I don't like using them, especially not if they're real people. I feel it would bother them that their likeness is being used to write smut.
-Anything with a plot that is entirely smut-based. I have said time and again, I am here for story first and foremost. Now, I have some more smut-heavy plots in mind, some fun little one-shots, but for the ones I want to be more long-term, I need some reason to keep coming back to it. One can only write so many sex scenes before it gets old, and porn doesn't hold my attention for long.
 
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