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Medieval Fun Time Land (Anyone can join)

"Eh," Lena shrugged. "It's more that I'm stoned out of my mind. If I was sober, I'd probably put some pants on or something. But there was this really great healing spell and it made me happy in my special happy places, and I'd do a little happy dance but I'm like, really freaking sore right now. You know, in my hoo-hah."
 
Ras nods his head and looks at her body unashamedly. "Healing junkie? They're fun. I once gave one a keg of potion, and he drank all of it. He was so stoned that he though his sword was a dildo and..." He stopped, his head shaking back and forth. "Let's just say that his ass was more red than yours would be if I were to get a hold of you..." He looked up at the writer again. "Really? Of every metaphor to use, you chose the one that made me sound like a horny maniac?"
 
"Who are you talking to?" Lena asked. Of course, given the genre, it could be any number of invisible beings and possibly even a bugbear. Bugbears, man. Those fuckers showed up everywhere. "Anyway, you'd hardly be the only horny maniac. We just had a lovely rapestravaganza over here. Come to think of it, how many of us are even still conscious? The goblin passed out with my fist in her cooch, the dark elf kerflopped after the healing spell, the assassing looks to be taking another weed nap in the bushes snuggling a pissed off badger...goddamn. It's like we all fell in a big vat of roofies. We've got the opportunity for some great date-rape action."
 
The elf smiled at her question. "I'm talking to my 'writer'. Apparently, someone is writing everything we do. Weird, huh?" He laughs a bit before listening to her rant about horny maniacs. Then, he nods, noticing every person she mentioned before looking at her. "And you? You seem to be perfectly fine, if a bit stoned." Ras feels his loins stir at the sight of the display, and looks up at the writer. "If only."
 
"Fine is pretty relative around here," Lena said, finishing her sammich. "I mean, yeah, I'm not bleeding right this moment, but hot damn. I just got messed up. So you know, I'm pretty shook up. If I weren't stoned I'd be crying my eyes out or something. But hey, I'm stoned. Boop," she said finally, booping Ras's nose.
 
Ras felt his nose get booed and his eyes crossed, swatting the air in front of the nose as if there were a knat. Then, he stopped suddenly and remembered she said that she was destroyed. He smiled and pulled a potent healing potion in a small bottle out of his pocket. "Healing potion?"
 
Shiana listened to Lena's stuttered out words and began to think about that question for a few minutes. She never heard of a changeling getting another species pregnant, but there were legends of changelings who turned into other creatures like the one who turned into a phoenix or another one becomming a cerberus-hybrid. "Don't worry...I re-absorbed all of my semen as soon as I came. I need to do that or else my cock turns back to its normal seven inches. What the-" Shiana coughed when the spray cheese landed in her mouth. She swallowed before she could choke and looked at the temple when the woman come out of it with a tray full of free food. Shiana got up and took one of the sandwiches. She finally noticed the male elf and walked back to Lena. Shiana hugged the elf girl and cuddled with her while they ate. "I hope I wasn't too rough on you..." She turned her head at the newcommer and looked at him with a soft smile."Hello handsome...I'm Shiana. Who are you?"
 
Ras smiled kindly at the newcomer and then turned a bit red as she complimented him. "I am Ras, the Mad God's champion, scholar, and not so dogooder. What about yourself?" He didn't have a sandwich in hand but still had that healing potion for the junkie should she want it.
 
"Not gonna turn down free reds," Lena said, pocketing the proffered potion in the Prada with all the pilfered potables. The mega heal was still fixing her up from earlier, though, so she knew if she drank the potion now it would be a waste. It was a load off her mind when Shiana explained that she'd reabsorbed all her semen. At least she didn't have any changeling goo up in her guts somewhere.Weird, she still felt like there was some inside her. Maybe that was just her own juices. "Anyways I'm Lena; junkie, fighter and all around ne'er-do-well. This is Shiana, our changeling and general purpose sex juice addict. I'm sure the rest of our motley crew will introduce themselves when they come out from behind the fourth wall. And this is...crap, who is this?"

"Hi," said a scrawny, sick-looking girl dressed all in black. She sat on the temple steps holding one of the sandwiches, staring at it as if trying to remember what it was for. "I think I forgot how to sandwich," she said quietly. Everything about her, from her posture to her voice, seemed incredibly weak, as though the life had been sucked out of her. She held the food up in front of her. "Is this a good thing?"
 
Ras nodded his attention avidly to each introduction, his mind surely having fallen out of his skull much earlier on. He looked at the third person and her sincere lack of an intro, and frowned, quite disappointed but not disheartened. He chuckled as she said what she did, and then mined with his hand and mouth what to do. "It's called food, my dressed in black girl who looks like she needs a sandwich or fifty. Almost there!" He laughs and springs to his feet, looking down at the nude girl and smiling. "This display is quite a rush. Wish I had come sooner." He stretched and pulled out his bow. "Can we kill something soon? Maybe Blackie over there has something to raise."
 
Erica extracted herself from a pile of cheese, muttering something about putting the bastard who did that into the deepest level Hell could offer. Until she laid eyes on the new male elf. "Well, hello there, handsome. I'm Erica. What's your name?" the dragoness said, strutting over to him, deliberately putting a hip sway with every step.

Míchon sat up suddenly, as if he'd been shocked by something. The new girl's voice had sounded very close to his position. He got up slowly, trying to act like nothing had happened. Until he realized that his hand still clutched Lena's bikini armor. A deep blush went to the dark elf's face as he tossed the skimpy garments away from himself. "Umm... someone wanna tell me what happened?"
 
The elf jumped at the two new voices, to him anyway, and looked at the panthress approaching him and the dark elf holding what he assumed to be the junkie's armor that had little in the way of protection. "Yes, I saw that meme on the way in as well." He decided to address the female first. "My name is Ras." Then he addressed the darker skinned brother. "From what I know, sex happened, then I came along and added cheese. For everyone."
 
Lena scrunched her bikini armor back into place, feeling a little better about herself with the body augmenting enchantments back in place. At least her boobs were bigger than the weird little girl in black, who seemed flat as a board with nothing but skin and ribs to her frame. "Well, I think I'm pretty much good to go. Are we taking the sandwich-phobe with us? She kinda freaks me out."

"Sorry," the scrawny girl said, hanging her head in self pity. "It's okay if you leave me. I'm...not right. I don't know the word for it."
 
Ras looked at Lena with a disapproving frown. "Oh, come on! She is sitting there all alone with a sandwich!" He looks to the newcomer and smiles. "Come along, Blackie. It'll be fun, and a lot of arrows are going through people's heads." He walked forward and held a hand out to her, not really caring what Lena thought because he had bribed her with healing potions and has plenty more on him.
 
Shiana finished eating her first cheese sandwich and got another one. "Like Lena said, I'm a changeling who is addicted on sexual fluids. I can make my boobs and my cock grow larger depending on the amount of breast milk andsemen I consumed. I'm a ffutanari, but I can change my gender too for a whole day." She turned around and looked at the girl in black. "Are you a necromancer? I have nothing against you, but the undead kinda creep me out. Someone who is dead for a long while should stay dead."
 
(Nope, no panthers here. Just a dragon.)

Míchon was totally confused by Ras's explanation. "O-okay... I'll tale your word for it." He put a hand up to his temple. "Gods... feels like I've been drinking too much again..." He looked around. "Last thing I can remember is Red casting that healing spell."

Erica watched as Ras went over to the scrawny girl. She huffed, crossing her arms and turning to the changeling at her statement. "If she is a necromancer, she has no place here with us. She'll have to find someone else to annoy with her zombies and shit."
 
"Hey, I never said that I don't like her! I said that I find the undead creepy, but she looks kinda normal to me than the most zombies and skeletons I've seen so far in my life." Shiana walied towards the necromancer girl and sat down next to her. "You're kinda cute. Here, let me teach you how to sandwich." She picked a third cheese sandwich up from the plate and bit into it. Shiana ate the whole sandwich and looked then at the girl. "Now it's your turn to give it a try."
 
Míchon saw the plate of sandwiches and grabbed two, eating them so quickly it looked like they had been vacuumed up. "Wow! I see why this village is famous for their cheese now!" he said, grabbing a third sandwich. This one disappeared more slowly, but still quicker than normal.

Erica handed the piece of paper she'd found earlier to Ras. "Looks like the quest we were on was the start of a chain. This is pointing out the direction some medusas took some hostages in." She batted her eyes at the elf. "You'll be coming along?"
 
Ras took one look at the paper and folded it in a surprisingly neat manner for someone such as him, and then nodded his head, withholding his feeling about the bat of her eyelashes. Looking up at the sky and his writer for something clever to say, he looked back to Erica and nodded his head quickly. "I'd adore the opportunity to spend time with such interesting people." He looked to Blackie. "Any thoughts on bringing her along as well, though?"
 
The girl in black watched Shiana demonstrate the lost art of sandwiching, and felt more confident that she could give it a try. She bit into it, surprised by the variety of textures, and it took her a minute to remember to do the chewing thing. "It...tastes like...molecules," she said, not sure if that was good or bad. "I'm not sure I'm supposed to sandwich anymore. Maybe that's why I forgot." She shrank inward a little as everyone debated whether or not she was just too creepy, wondering if this batch were going to do the stabbing thing like the last group she tried to join. "Um...I don't really do zombies and stuff. I mostly just channel dark energy for things. If I make an undead, usually I just use revenants. They're...cleaner, I guess."

Lena's mouth fell open and she coughed in disgust. "Seriously? Cleaner? You make dead bodies get up and eat people." She picked up a broom and started bopping the necromancer with it. "That's a bad necro. Bad! Bad!"
 
Ras found the display of failed sandwich in cute and endearing, and while he could have thought up a bazillion different ways to state her preferred raising method, he found the broom to be a bit much. So, in a flash of white skin, he quickly grasped the broom and twisted it out of Lena's hands, likely leaving a few splinters from the poor quality of the wood, serves her right. "Just because she is unique doesn't mean you can bop her with brooms!"
 
Lena pouted and worked on sucking the splinters out of her fingers, storming off in a huff. If they wanted to hang out with the corpse bride, that was their problem.

"The broom wasn't that bad," the necromancer said. "People mostly do worse stuff. I don't think I'm supposed to...um...be. Sorry about that. I'd stop being if I could figure out how. But I keep coming back whenever I try." She stared at the sandwich, wondering if it was futile to try sandwiching again. Maybe this time it would work, but more than likely it would just be another mouthful of molecules.
 
The reaction was expected. Maybe she would get that strong potion in from earlier and come back stoned as a boulder. Ras sat on the other side of the necromancer, completely aware that he was mad and out of his mind and likely was going through with his dementia. However, it was an interesting thing to talk to someone so apathetic about everything, and in all honesty Ras wouldn't mind having her in the group. "Well then, Blackie, if you weren't supposed to be, you wouldn't. Simple as that. The fact that you keep coming back is either a sign to keep trying for something or a curse by an evil warlord, but who knows who could have casted that."
 
"Oh, no," said the necromancer. "That's not really right. Lots of things aren't supposed to be. Nasty things from outside dimensional space, or the aborted proto-deities that feast on the stars, or that thing crawling up your back. Don't bother trying to catch it, it always disappears right before you get a good look. Very ugly. So many things that should not be. I think maybe I am one. Sandwich?" She offered up the remainder of her morsel to the mad elf, better than letting it go to waste. By everyone else's accounts, these were very good sandwiches, if you were into that kind of thing.
 
The complete jumping around of topics fit perfectly with him, and while she reacted in a to try different manner to his appearance than every other female here (there was a distinct lack of the word handsome in her statements), he felt at ease with her, likely the only member of the group to do so. Politely declining the rest of her sandwich, he took it out of her hand, threw it into the air, and swiftly shot an arrow through it, the combination landing on the ground.
 
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