A captain's log (Journal OPEN to comments)

Captain's Log: Day 14
Morale: High
Optimism: Rising

Wednesday May 10, 2017

Honestly things are pretty okay right now. Our family is making it by, but just barely. I could say so many nasty things about my father and how he needs to get off his ass, but I won't. Mom recently moved up in her weekend job, and has a job offer on the table with another interview for a better paying one here soon. I'm starting a search for a night job of my own so I can help start bringing in a little money to help pay for a car payment or one of the other bills. Enough about that though, I'm going to see my friends this weekend at the university I had to transfer from this past year. A lot of them are seniors and this'll be the last time I get to see them for a long while, so it's a bit sad, but also exciting to just get to hang with them before I have to start my internship.

As for my RP partners... my muse has been uncooperative... and there's been a certain someone occupying my time as of late. I'm going to get caught before I go up to visit my friends this weekend. The goal is for that at least. Real life and stuff may take control, but we'll have to see really soon.

I love you all, and am grateful to have such a wonderful community here to play with or just talk to.


Bye for now!

Captain's Log: Day 15
Morale: Hungover
Optimism: High as soon as I can shake said hangover

-------------------------
Sunday: May 14, 2017

Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been replying to you. I've been up at my old school hanging out with my friends, a majority of whom are seniors and will be graduating in a week. This is the last time I'll likely seem them all together unless I'm invited to weddings or what not in the future. I've been enjoying every single moment I can get with them. I'll miss them dearly. They've kept me afloat the last year and a Half with all the crap going on in my life, and I'm more thankful than they even know. I get almost teary eyed writing this as they all still sleep in on a beautiful Sunday morning. I need to stop before I have a breakdown and they come out to see me crying. Ha. I still have a good few friends that are my age, but I won't be able to see them again until the fall because a lot of them are going home for the summer. I'm stopping now... promise

Replies will be going out to every rp I owe replies to. I'm so sorry. A mix of my muse being uncooperative, hanging with friends, and family stuff.

I love you all.

Replies are good any day of any week, but some moments are just too precious to not get yourself carried by them. Much love, have fun and drink lots of water.

Mutiny I say! Lovely mutiny, but mutiny still.

You don't owe a reply, you write when it's the right (love English homonyms!) time.

Which means hands off our story until and unless it's fun, your muse is cooperating, and you have time for it after you've handled more important stuff.

Oh, and love how your captain's uniform looks on Bear. Rawr.

That's what I tell everyone when they use the word "owe" in that respect. I get the feeling, but it feels weird, so I can echo your statement.

In the end we have hijacked Sam's ship, so I guess we are part of the mutinous ones until he returns to assert his authority.

Captain's Log: Day 17
Morale: Low
Optimism: High

--------------------
Wednesday May 17, 2017

Hi everyone. I'd like to thank Bear for taking over my ship yesterday to serve as a notice to people that I may not have been on. I'd then like to thank both AB and Sigr for being so understanding. You're both amazing. Well all three of you are. It's amazing the friends and things that I've made In my yet brief full return to BMR, and it definitely shows.

On the note of my internship/job.... it's great. I'm going to love it because I'm going to be kept more or less busy from 8:30-5:00 every day through the summer. It's what I need to keep me busy and to distract me from other stuffs as well, which I'll get into in a second. But yea, this is just what I wanted. Contrary to popular belief, I am not or will not ever be a 'mindless slave to the system'. Ha. I kid.... I probably will eventually.

Now onto the less fun stuff... if you wanna keep reading, sure... but you don't have to, because it's just going to be me bitching at life again. I know right? So uncontent with anything and everything...

Last night my mom and dad fought again.... another loud one. It was about my dad's lack of a job and how she's doing everything she possibly can to try and keep our family, house and what not together. At that point I just went upstairs and secluded myself in my room, which I normally do when that sorta stuff happens these days. Hint: It happens several times a week. I'm done taking sides with any of them... it's gone beyond frustrations and at this point, she spends more time bitching at him than I probably spend.... I don't know. It's just way too excessive. She always comes to me expecting her support in the latest rant and tirade, and I'm not sure how much longer I can give it to her, without blowing up at all three of them.

Then my brother and mom had an argument about school. I won't go into too much detail there... because that argument happens even more frequently, so I'll just have to save that for another time. My dad and I argued about politics some.... something we've been doing a lot of the last year and a half with how fucked up everything has become. My arguments I have with him are really the last common ground thing we have to talk to about... he's got literally nothing going on in his life for me to discuss with him, so I can't hold discussions with him like ever... and it sucks.

So I found myself in bed with the lights off and the computer/phone put away at 10:30, crying into a pillow because I can't do a damn thing... I dont even know how I'm going to make enough money out of college to pay off my debts... and it's all my fault. I'm the one who wanted to go to a private school for two years. I ripped my family apart at a school 2 1/2 hours away.... and was completely oblivious to that fact until too late... and now there's damage that's been done thats irreparable... I think that's the right word.

It's in part why I made my return to BMR.... a writing site with online people I can talk with and role-play with that I have an escape from the real world if but for a little bit. You guys have quite literally saved my life... more than once, because of how awesome you all are, and I thank each and every one of you for that.

I don't want to get in these moods... I didn't end up getting to sleep till almost 2 AM in the morning... and I woke up twice through the night... I don't know what to do anymore. I have to keep my smile on... stay happy. Stay proud. Stay who I am because I'm the best person I can be. This facade inside of me that tries to escape and take control here and there has got to go. Positivity will be my new and stronger mantra. Positivity with a smile. Maybe that will help... I can't control the negative, so let's look at the positive and try and make that the reality. No time to worry. Time to get off my ass and be someone...

I love you all and am more than thankful to have some of you in my life. Thank you all oh so much.

The captain has taken back control of his ship, stronger than ever before. Trim the sails! Let's set course for a new, brighter and promising target! Avast!

Captain's Log: Day 18
Morale: High
Optimism: Job hunting

------------------
FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY May 19, 2017

Hi everyone! I hope you're all doing well with yourselves. I've had a mostly productive week helping around the home as well as starting my new job/internship, whose first full week will be next week. I'm so so excited for it to really kick into gear for real. As for other IRL stuff, I'm currently hunting for a night job that'll bring in a little extra money. Hoping to find a bartending job, downtown near where I work so I can just walk there myself when I get off on nights that I work. I've also been busy helping at my old high school getting ready for their graduation, which is tomorrow. I was their first graduating class in a class of sixteen, and this years class is the fourth class to graduate. It's very exciting. My brother will graduate from their next year.

Exciting times again.

I keep trying to get my muse to cooperate with me, but it just isn't working. <.> Soon enough it'll come back to me and I'll chew out all the necessary replies I need to do so. So until then, I love all of you.

Hope you're all well!

Enjoy the weekend!

Captain's Log: Day 19
Morale:Eh
Optimism: Higher and higher

--------------------------------
Saturday May 27, 2017

This was going to be written Friday night and then I got sidetracked with other things. Oops. So here ya go,

Wow... a whole week with no journal entries?!?! oh my... my bad peoples.

This week was the first full week of my summer internship, and boy is it going to be fun. It'll be a lot of work... very tough stuff, but it's going to be a lot of fun and I'm going to learn a lot about it. It's certainly kept me plenty busy this past week. Busy enough that I haven't had time at all to journal. so... yea ^_^.

Other stuff that happened this week. I got out a reply I'd been meaning to for close to a month. The other two big ones are in the works. I promise to both of you that it's coming soon. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday!!

Family life still sucks... it really does. Like a big fat dick... it sucks. I have to find a job and am becoming open to pretty much anything. The people I third to go apply to this week were dicks at one place and pretty kind about it at the other... so we'll see.

It helps though, in my low points to have someone amazing to listen to my complaining... and to be there when I can't control my emotions fully. But yea... thank you for that. I can't thank you enough. You being there for me when I need it most has gotten me through my breakdowns over the last couple of weeks. And I dont know how I was doing it before you came along.

I think that's about it for now.

As always... I love each and every one of ya'll!

I'm glad that the internship keeps you busy in a positive way! I hope that the job hunt goes as fine as it can!

Captain's Log: Day 20
Morale: Eh
Optimism: Drifting lower

----------------------------
Sunday May 28, 2017

It's been an okay weekend. I've not done much of anything if I'm totally being honest. I've laid around... watched TV, caught up on YT and TV shows that I've missed. I haven't been doing replies though, which is something I had planned on doing. I've still got one day tomorrow with tomorrow being Memorial Day and me having the day off from my internship. So that's the plan... but there's no telling when you live around a dysfunctional family... not much else to say.

I need to eat real food. I've been snacking and that's no good at all... I kind of wish I was still in school if I'm being real... like I love my internship, but school kept me busy and didn't allow me as much time to think about all the crap going on at home. Anyways... I won't get into that for now and I'll just say bye bye for now.

Love ya'll

Sam you need a maid slavegirl who is such a good cook that people hire her to cater their parties. She could whip up a meal fit for a king. just sayin

Captain's Log: Day 21
Morale: High
Optimism: High

--------------------
Sunday June 4, 2017

Wow... over a week since I did my last journal... I've really gotta stop doing that and being more frequent. Oops.

Hi there! How are you guys??? I'm doing pretty well. Had a nice relaxing weekend after a short week at work, but I'm refreshed and ready to hit the grind first thing tomorrow morning. Should be pretty busy and there's a good chance I might be in court for a lot of time this week... but we'll see. On the note of summer jobs... I've found myself missing my counselor job a lot more than I thought I would. Enough that I messaged the person that does the hiring to see if they'll take me for the second half of the summer. There's a chance that they won't take me, but there's always the chance that they will and I'll get to spend four weeks at my favorite place on Earth.

I may not get hired there, but I still need to find a job to help pay the bills for July and August with my family so we don't get the power cut off or the cellphones cut off. But I feel I'll find something between here and there.

In other news... I got to see the lovely Bear again last night. Seeing her brightens my mood and takes me away from all the shit happening at home. So it's a welcome relief whenever I get to see her. So thank you for that. ^_^

In last bits of news... I've still got one more reply to get out before I finally get caught back up after forever, so that's great!!!

I love you all. Here's to catching up with the goings ons in my life.

See ya around!

More exams? No problem, you got this!

Captain's Log: Day 22
Morale: Ehhh
Optimism: Floating

--------------------------------------------
Sunday June 25, 2017

Hello there!

I've been terrible at keeping up with this, but figured I'd do a little journal entry for all you lovely peoples. I'll keep it short to otherwise say that nothing terribly exciting is happening in life right now other than two things.

I got to spend all of Friday evening with the amazing Bear. She spoiled and pampered me and stole me away and it was amazing. I'm able to forget about all the bad happening in my life when I'm with her and it's just great.

I went out last night too, but with some older friends and had a few too many drinks. Gin and beer don't mix very well and make for a nasty hangover that I had to try and hide from the priest when I shook his hand after mass this morning.

This Thursday is my last day at my internship! It came earlier than I thought it would due to an opportunity that popped up for an awesome project. So I'll be starting that here soon and be with that for a month.

I still have the same shit going on at home that keeps me up late at night and sometimes puts me in my moods, but I'm very thankful to have people that drag me back to reality and are there to talk to.

In regards to writing, my damn muse hits me at the worst times, and I'm often not free to write, but I want to... I really do and I hope I can get to it soon.

I've always been terrible about that and I'm sorry.

I know I don't need to apologize, and I'm trying to stop saying 'I'm sorry' as much as I do... it's like an addiction.

That should be about it!

You're all lovely and amazing people! Thanks for stopping by!

Congratulations, Sam, and you've worked hard for it! I can't wait to hear more about it, but later, as tonight it's Bear night.

Fantastic! Have fun!

Captain's Log: Day 23
Optimism: Ehhh
Morale: Eh
-------------
Saturday July 8, 2017

Hi everyone. I have good news and bad news, but they both sort of mesh together.

I'm having a lot of fun with my kiddos, but it's very attention grabbing, which means I've not had as much time on here as usual. I don't like it, but at the same time, I sorta realize I may need to step away for a bit from being online all the time. It's not that I don't love all of ya'll, cause I do. I also love being a part of the welcoming committee team.

For now... all my RP's are on hold... I'll let you know when that changes. I'm truly sorry. Whenever I try and come up with times to write, I usually get in a terrible mood, or am in a place where I can't really write. It's not that I don't love ya'll, cause I do. I realized after I typed this that I repeated myself, but I'm just going to roll with it.

You're all very special to me, especially those that have quite literally had a massive impact on my life since I've made my return here to BMR since earlier this year. This community of amazing people have saved my life... and allowed me to distract myself from things that are going on in my real life. I'm not going to go further into that right now, but yea... it's more or less the same shit that I've been dealing with as of late.

Ya'll will still see me around here welcoming people, but right now that's about all the energy I can put into here right now. At least until the kids leave at the end of the month.

Again... I love all of ya'll... I really do.

So long for now!

You are so smart and strong to step back instead of just leaving! Very proud of you! Thank you for giving so much of yourself, your time, and your energy for children.

AnnaBeth said:

You are so smart and strong to step back instead of just leaving! Very proud of you! Thank you for giving so much of yourself, your time, and your energy for children.

Click to expand...

It's people like you who make my time here worthwhile and make me love coming back and spending time here on the site and the discord channel.

I really do appreciate you as well as having the chance to chat with you sometimes. Thanks

I'm glad that even with how busy you are, you still have time to greet newcomers to this wonderful place and spend small bits with us. Keep being wonderful, we'll be around.

Aww, that sounds like a wonderful time! I've always wanted to go to Washington but just haven't made it yet. I'm a little afraid I'd wander into one of the museums and never, ever want to come out. Sort of a less pregnant version of Where The Heart Is.

Enjoy bed checks, Sam! Buy some duct tape that is a different color or has prints on it to put on doors at night. We don't want any BMR style stories playing out.

Worried you won't be more like it.

Thirst is a powerful thing.

Thanks. Now I'm giggling in public.