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A captain's log (Journal OPEN to comments)

The thought of you two giggling and writing on an actual physical captain's log while said captain is absent amuses me. Oh, now I'm doing it as well.

Besides that, best wishes to both of you and I hope that Sam is having fun there.
 
Captain's Log: Day 24
Morale: High
Optimism: High

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Tuesday August 15, 2017

Man... over a month since I've done one of these. Let me apologize for that my friends, but I've been overly busy and just got back home from camp several days ago. Wow what a summer it has been. When it all started, I thought I'd be behind a desk 8-5 all summer. Boy was I wrong. I was asked to work for a fun little project getting to counsel teens from Northern Ireland and America through a series of trips and fun service projects. They were crazy fun, and I loved every single second of it. The day I dropped them off at the airport, I headed for the summer camp I had worked at for the last three summers. I was down there enjoying some just incredible views and kids and people who I love to work with. A beautiful sunset will be linked at the end of this post.

I'm finally home though, and have a week off before school begins on Monday. Things at home are good. Dad is working, mom is working, bro is working. Now all I need to do is to find a job myself. Haha. We're also getting a new car tomorrow. I wouldn't say new. It's a beatup old ford Windstar with 165k miles on it, but we're getting it for dirt cheap and it'll quite literally double the number of cars we currently have.

As for here? I'm getting back into my duties as a Welcoming Committee member and am more than excited to continue those duties. Hopefully when school gets underway, I'll feel like roleplaying again!

For now... that's about it.

I love you all and you're all super incredible. :heart:

Here's the photo! It's linked because it's very large

Photo
 
Captain's Log: Day 25
Morale: Tireddddddddd
Optimism: High

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Monday August 28, 2017

Good morning everyone and welcome to Monday! I've arrived at week two of classes and boy am i in for a busy semester. I'm taking 18 credit hours, which is the max my university will let me take in a semester before having to get permission for trying to add another class. I'm trying to work my butt off to try and graduate on time, but i'm not sure where all this can work out in the end. I'm faced with the dilemma of either finishing early and not having time to take the GRE for grad school, summer school which means i wouldn't get to work at camp next summer, and taking an extra semester next fall to finish my degree with over stressing myself.

I had a good first week though, and am looking forward to seeing how the second week goes as i get myself organized and hopefully finally get all of my books ordered. They're so expensive ya'll. Like... I'm a senior in college, and I'm still amazed by the price every single semester that i've been in college. i will never get used to that, but i won't rant about it right now. ^_^

Over the weekend i got to go see my cousin for her 6th birthday party, and as an added bonus, i got to beat some kids real hard at bowling. Later that night i got to go to a country concert with the lovely Bear. Locash was amazing, and I'm glad i got to go experience them with her. Seeing and being able to hang out with her just... i can't really explain what hanging with her does to me, but it's like a bodily recharge whenever she and i hang out. It's... it's just. Yea. She is amazing and I'm so thankful to know her.

Anyways... i think that that's about it for now. Ya'll are all super amazing and just wonderful. Have a great Monday!
 
Captain's Log: Day 26
Morale: Lower
Optimism: Slowly creeping up

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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Hello all. I'm active in trying to make this journal updated more than once a week, so here we go! Wednesday's are my busiest days of the week this semester. I've got class from 9-12. Three different 50 minute classes back to back to back. It's exciting but I find it actually goes by pretty quickly on Monday's and Friday's. Wednesday's are different because i have my geology lab from 3-6 PM this afternoon. Then the most exciting part of my day is tonight. We finally have our fantasy draft tonight. This is the third year I've done fantasy, and I'd like to think I've gotten better each year that i've done it. It's with my best friends from college, a lot of whom graduated back in May. So we're all over the place now, but it'll still be a lot of good fun and ribbing between one another. It's good fun and it really makes me happy to have them in my life, so it'll be a lot of fun for sure.

On a more personal note, I had a breakdown last night for the first time in weeks. I won't go into the details, but I'm not 100% better quite yet. It came on sudden on a note of personal fears and worries. Some that are unfounded that my own mind tries to convince could happen to me. i know it can't, but... yea. I'll probably get better throughout the day, in fact i know I'll get better. :)

I love ya'll. That's about it in terms of journals for now, so... bye bye for now!

:heart:
 
:)

giphy.gif
 
Captain's Log: Day 27
Morale: Low
Optimism: Kinda hopeful

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Monday, September 11, 2017

Wow... it's been a minute since I've done a journal post, but here I am!

I'm returning home from a wild weekend with my friends at the school i transferred from two years ago. It's always good to go up and see them, and this weekend was no exception whatsoever. Lots of merriment, drinking and several hangovers were had, but it was a grand old time.

My life is ehh right now. Ive not been getting the sleep i need lately, and it's starting to have an affect on my mood. I'll snap at my mom or brother when i don't mean to. If you met me in real life, you'd know who i really am. Right now though, that isn't me. I've always had a hard time with organization, and keeping track of dates so of course two test dates snuck up onto me this week that i completely forgot about. i bought a planner the first week of school, and haven't really used it since.

Though i've changed a lot since freshman year. I can handle this. i know that. the deal is just not stressing myself out over it all, because I'm famous for doing that to myself and getting myself into panic attacks over nothing, so I'm sure it'll be greeaaattttttt....

Other than that, i don't know much else really going on in my life right now.

Ya'll stay amazing. Have a great start to the week!

^_^

:heart:

giphy.gif
 
I won't bother with with the usual shit I put at the top.

I'm just on here a little bit to tell you all I'm feeling like shit right now. Not physically, but mentally. I'm not in a very good place at all and I'm having thoughts I know I shouldn't.

I've had three breakdowns today... can't stop the stupid feelings inside my head and have to put on a circus act for my parents and friends that makes it seem like I'm just fine when I know I'm not.

I've not felt this bad in a while... excuse the lack of introductions from me. I might not be on tomorrow... I just... I love y'all. Know that.
 
Never forget that you are a lovely person that has touched many lives, close and far, for the better. You are not alone in the darkness and even if sometimes one feels lost, remember that just by reaching out you'll feel us as close as possible. It's nice to be strong and take care of others, but it's also a show of that strength I know you have to allow others help you. Allow us to be your lighthouse once in a while.
 
HeyThereLittleBear said:
And may your winds be straight and true! :heart:
Click to expand...
Can I have queer winds?

Jokes aside, big hugs and kisses for you two lovely people, endure and move forward, you both are too nice to not be happy.
 
I'm sorry for my consistent absences and lack of appearances in the welcoming committee area. My depression and insomnia have affected me very hard this week.

It sucks. I want to be back. I love you guys. Just... I don't know if i can do that right this minute.

I need organization in my life. I need answers to things i know i can't get the answer to right now. It frustrates the hell out of me. Not to mention the fact that i want to strangle my dad for how lazy he is.

I'm hopping off for now. Gonna get myself drunk and go to bed and hopefully get to sleep before 3 AM for once this week.

If you need me, you know where to find me and how to get ahold of me.

S'long for now.
 
Still feeling a bit down. I'm going to try to stop by and doing some welcomes later today.

I know how to spectacularly fuck up something good. I've always had that special knack. I worry I've fucked up something big time today. Even though i know i haven't... it's just so so frustrating. I'm incapable of doing anything right.

I know i shouldn't hate on myself so much. I guess it's just another speciality of mine.

S'long for now.
 
I think we all have the power to fuck things up sometimes, my friend. Myself included. Just hang in there!

And that's not true. I know lots of things you've clearly shown you're capable of doing right.
 
*Starts enveloping cuddles and tackles in bubble wrap to send a big box of them overseas*

Wait, what if he ends up enjoying the bubble wrap more... hmmm...
 
Captain's Log: Day 33
Optimism: Eh
Morale: Trending every which way

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Monday November 13, 2017

Hey guys. It's been a minute since I've done one of these myself, so here goes nothing. I think I'm ready to come back or at least try to come back to BMR. I've had a tough couple of weeks, and they're only going to get even tougher with the last two weeks of class coming up, but i think I can handle it and balance it just fine. Like Bear had said in her last entry for me, this semester is kicking my butt in more ways than one. I've been trying to get through it, but it's tough from time to time which is why i had to step back for a little bit. I hope to be spending more time doing what i love on here which is welcoming people how i do best, but I've realized how much i missed this place and the weird little community that we have here. It's what keeps me bringing me back.

As for today?? Well it's rainy outside and sorta reflects my mood for the day. I got little to no sleep last night. The real length of sleep gave and produced a nightmare that just... it was tough for me to process, so yea.

I've got a test today that we'll see how it goes. I don't think it should be that bad, but with some of the luck and the way my semester has gone, there's no doubt that there's a possibility that it could go very badly.

Love ya'll all so much.

S'long for now!


EDIT: Just... it's hitting hard right now. I fucking hate depression and insomnia. It can go die in a fucking hole somewhere. I hate hating myself for thinking I'm someone I'm not.
 
Captain's Log: Day 34
Morale: Eh
Optimism: Okay

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Saturday December 2, 2017

Hope everyone is doing okay. It's been a while since I've posted one of these things. Seems useless to promise that I'll keep up with this, but it is what it is. I can't promise much of anything and certainly can't seem to keep up with things. Oh the life of being a college student. Endless drama and ups and downs. I guess it's what I get for being open to others and vulnerable. It is what it is though.

Finals are coming up though. That is very exciting hahaha. I've got two + plus a paper due this week. Which shouldn't be too terribly stressful. We'll see though, because I have to do well to cap the semester off because I know I've not done as well as I could have done this semester. It'll all work out in the end though.


I'm happy to be becoming more involved once again on the site. I've missed interacting with new members and getting to interact with people on the chat too. So there's that for sure that I've got going for me.

I love all of ya'll. So so much

Until later!
 
Day started out okay. Feeling a little low right now. My own fault, so it is what it is. I just... I’m an idiot sometimes.

Errors that you can easily resolve are errors that you shouldn’t make, but here I am.

I love y’all. I don’t know how free I’ll be this week with exams, but I plan to be on as much as I can.

Y’all mean so much to me. You keep me sane. You are my anchor. I’m sorry.

Love y’all. Till next time
 
I hope whatever you're going through gets over with soon.
No need to apologize, I hope all is well!
 
Ironic said:
I hope whatever you're going through gets over with soon.
No need to apologize, I hope all is well!
Click to expand...

Thanks Ironic. I appreciate it. I'm hoping it can all be fixed soon as well. I don't know yet though. I think I really messed it up this time.

I hope all is well with you too.
 
Captain's Log: Day 35
Morale: High
Optimism: Higher

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Saturday December 9, 2017

Hi everyone! I hope ya'll are doing alright and are enjoying the weekend wherever in the world you may be. It's rainy and really cold where I am, which is even more disappointing because the Western part of my state is blanketed by up to 6 inches of snow. I'm confident I'll see snow at least once this season sometime though. I'm in the middle of final exams! Using this weekend or rather today to relax, watch some football, do some shopping, and then a christmas party tonight! I plan to get really really drunk and do a bunch of jello shots, so we'll see!

I hope ya'll are doing well as the holiday season kicks into full gear here in the next couple days. I'll be done with school Tuesday, which means no school for almost a month!! I'm so excited ^_^.

That's about it for now. Love ya'll!
 
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