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A captain's log (Journal OPEN to comments)

I got the summer job!!!

I got contacted earlier today. It's not the job I applied for, but it is a leadership position, something I wanted badly this summer, and felt i was deserving of, as this'll be my fifth summer on staff. I get to head down later this weekend for a planning session on the upcoming summer, which I am positively pumped about. I love this place. It's my hideaway away from home. I just can't wait.

Things are coming up Sam. This also means I won't be as dark as I normally am when it comes to the summer time.

Love ya'll!
 
I was kinda tied with stuff and decided to take a peek around before bed. I couldn't left good news go without a cheer.
 
As a note to my friends and the site in general, I will be away from my computer and in poor cell reception from this afternoon into tomorrow night.

If you need me, shoot me a PM and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

Hope ya'll have a wonderful Friday and Saturday.

Much love.

~Sam
 
The time at camp was marvelous.

I'm a completely different person there. Like, ya'll don't understand. I'm usually pretty extroverted at home and around school, but with camp, I'm on a whole other level. The people I'm working with are summer and I'm so so excited to get started.

I even downloaded a countdown clock app to give me exact time until I'm back for a planning meeting in April, and when i arrive for good in the middle of May.

Now I just have to make it through the last two months of classes. Ten class days until spring break. My spring break this year consists of sitting at home and doing absolutely nothing. Just like last year. I'll be alright though.

Hope you all are doing well!

Love ya'll.
 
Got back this afternoon from a very fun weekend with friends at my old school. A lot of drinking and food and just relaxing and talking with one another.

It's what makes me happiest. To be around people who I love and know really well. It means a lot to have friends in life who are there for you.

The only downside is the coming home and immediately wondering the next time you'll get to see them again.

It's downright depressing, and I shouldn't be letting it hit me, but here I am. I'll be alright after a night of sleep, so no worries there.

Hope you all are well. Love ya'll.
 
Hugs for the Sam! ^_^
 
Two more tests and two more days separate me from my Spring Break. So so close!

I'm oddly not concerned about the two tests. One is an open book notes test and the other is a lab test that I'm not sure what we can be tested on that we haven't already been tested on.

The test today happened, so we'll see how I did on that. Should get the grade hopefully sometime next week, along with my bio grade.

Gonna look at train tickets tonight for next week, and see when would be best for me to go up, but I'm excited about getting to see my friends soon again.

Now all I need is for my muse to work. Haha

Love ya'll!
 
Hey ya'll!

Been a quick minute, but here I am!!!

I've been enjoying the first couple days of my spring break, relaxing at home and having a few rare good moments with my family.

Yesterday I had an infected ingrown toenail taken out. It was quite painless. Now I hope to have the pain fully taken away when I wear closed toed shoes. One can definitely hope, right?

Tomorrow I'll hop on a train to see my friends on the other side. I'm not like a lot of spring breakers. I spend a lot of my time at home or with friends instead of heading south.

That's where I'll be for the rest of the week. I should be around a decent amount, but if I'm not, that's why

As always, love ya'll.

Have a good day BMR
 
Two and a half weeks.

That’s got to be some sort of new personal record lately for me. Damn depression... just when I thoughf I had enough going on with school and work and friends and here, it bites me in the ass and rears its ugly head.

I’ll fight through it... I know I will. It’ll probably hit hard tonight, but tomorrow is always a brighter and better day. I’ve learned to try and keep a little optimism as it will go a long way for sure.

I love you guys. Thanks for everything you do.

-Sam
 
Sailing Sam said:
tomorrow is always a brighter and better day
Click to expand...
Good news, it's already tomorrow, it's sunny outside and I'm here to hug you. Keep the good work, Sam.
 
Less than a week this time my old friend...

Fuck you depression. Fuck you anxiety. Fuck you insomjna.

I’m sorry guys. I try to be so strong... and just, it doesn’t work.

I hope you’re all doing well. Much love

-Sam
 
It's a never ending battle. Nothing I can say will help because I know the struggle and how helpless the feeling is. Just know you have people who love you. <3
 
Fight the depression. Win a skirmish, win a batlle, win a campaign, carry the banner of victory to all corners of your mind, glory ringing in your ears.

But there's an ashen taste at the back of your tongue with the victory, knowing that some day, somewhere, for some reason, you know it'll be back. The war itself will never end, adn you'll be called to pick up the banner again, and fight for the sanctity of your own mind, to let it ring as true as it can, for as long as it can, without the extra layers of shit caked all around it.

I feel ya Sam. Especially lately. You ever need a vent, a commiseration, even just a bitch-fest, hit me up, eh? Us depressives gotta stick together, ya know?
 
I was browsing some Stephen Hawking quotes shortly after I heard that he had died. I came across one that, while applies to people with disabilities, I think it can be loosely applied to everyone:

"My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on things your disability doesn't prevent you doing well, and don't regret the things it interferes with. Don't be disabled in spirit as well as physically." - Stephen Hawking

Concentrate on the things that you enjoy and do well, while not focusing on the things that bother you. Sure, the things that bother you stick out like a sore thumb when compared to things that are out of sight & out of mind, but bring the things that you love & enjoy to the forefront and do your best to drown out the things that bring you down. As Alvis stated, it's an ongoing war, but you can focus on winning as many battles as you can. Eat the ice cream, watch your favorite movie (why not with your best friend!?), make the drive to the beach or to the comic convention - or to the 24 hour Wal-Mart and people watch, bc that is just as entertaining as $30.00 spent on a movie & snacks at the theater >.>

We have but one life, so spend it on stuff that makes you laugh and stuff that makes you tired enough to go to bed to enjoy a good night's sleep. Yes, sleep! I've found that adequate sleep helps with a better following day. You suffer from insominia, then perhaps try Melatonin (the larger quantity - 3mg I think?) or double up and take some Benadryl with it. It's my go-to fail-safe. When all else fails... peach rings & jelly beans. Not to help you sleep, but because I've never seen a person eating peach rings or jelly beans frowning :p

All ahead full, sailor! (Well, Captain, but even captain's are still sailors!)
 
A bio test today on the 2nd day of a 4 day week of class.

We'll see how that went, but for now it means I'm another day closer to not being in school or in town and another day closer to getting down to camp for the summer.

I've scheduled to work on two weekends there (next weekend and a weekend in May.) The weekend next weekend was in hindsight a horrible decision because of the masters, but we'll get by and I'll find a way to get home in time to watch the Sunday round.

On top of that, just getting by in life right now. Positive outlooks and optimism are key.

Much love to you all.

See ya later!
 
The stars...

They were so wonderfully brilliant tonight. The moon shone bright and the stars lit up the night sky.

The world we live in truly is amazing. I’m reminded that when I look up and count the endless number of stars up in the sky.

Try and count them... you won’t get them all, but surely you’ll get somewhere.

Goodnight BMR
 
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