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Fear The Living (w/ Orion)

Amaranthine

Amaranthine

Supernova
Joined
Oct 26, 2016
Location
Canada
Marley Scott still didn't know what to think of everything. Four days ago she had been getting home from a quick holiday trip to San Francisco to see an old friend of hers, and now she was trapped behind tall, metal fences with a military presence and little idea of what was going on outside. She had heard the news of course, and had seen the videos, but beyond that she had no idea what was going on outside the walls - she didn't even know how her own cat was because she happened to be at her friend Clare's when the military moved in and she had not been allowed to leave.

For the last three days, the redhead had been rather wary. As a teenager she'd been in this neighbourhood many times before - not because it was her own, but because a friend she had made back when she was twelve and first in foster care had lived here. For all she knew he still did, or at least sometimes - and had it been any other person she would have found the idea of reuniting to be amazing. It wasn't, though. The Clark's kid had once been her best friend, especially back in high school. They had both been loners, both been a little angry at their "families" and both found comfort and solace in having someone who understood what it was like to feel like you had nothing even when you did.

Marley didn't fall down the same rabbithole that he had, though. Drugs had torn her best friend away from her as she watched him go from pot to pills to coke to... hell, she didn't even know what he'd gone to next. For a few years they'd popped in and out of each other's lives. He would be clean and she would hope and pray that this time he would stay that way - he didn't. In the end it was too much for her, and she couldn't stand having her heart broken by one person so much. After a brief reuniting in college back when she was nineteen, Marley hadn't laid eyes on Nick Clark since.

... Until now it seemed. The noon sun beat down hard on the LA suburb as everyone made their way central to pick up rations for the day. Marley was at her friend's side when she first swore she saw his face - and still there half a minute later when she became sure of who she was seeing just feet away from her. Fuck.
 
Addiction was a fiend - and if Nick Clark tried to say that he was done dealing with withdrawal symptoms just days after the last time he used, he was straight up lying to people. Sure he wasn't shivering and shaking and seizing any more, but his veins itched like a motherfucker and he swore it would never end. Rationally he knew it would, that in a week or two he'd feel a bit more human again, but he didn't want to wait a week and he didn't want to feel human. Like time and time again, all he wanted to feel was high - but now they seemed to live in a world that wouldn't afford him that pleasure. Just a week ago he had watched his girlfriend saunter towards him with gaunt, grey skin and sunken eyes and the blood of one of their other junkie friends all over his face - he'd put a bullet in his friend slash dealer not even a day later.

At first he had just been minding his own business, walking alongside his sister and mother towards where the military had set up a station. It was rations day which meant that they were being given a supply of basic necessities, and he had come along at his mother's insistance. As soon as he got there he wished he hadn't though - because though the dead were literally walking, it seemed that the metaphor was running true as well. Was that Marley? It only took a minute for his heart to sink as he realized that the curly haired girl just a few people away was in fact an old friend... and someone he knew he had disappointed time and time again.

He immediately felt awkward, especially when she looked over to him just a second later and the same quizzical expression formed on her face that had likely been on his moments earlier. Confusion turned to understanding turned to - oh. He should probably do something about that, so he put his hands in his pockets and told his family he would be back in a moment before strolling over towards the redhead. "Uh... Hey, Mar. It's been a while."
 
Fuck. Even worse - they made eye contact. There was no way that the twenty-two year old could deny that she had seen him now, so she nudged Clara with her hand as Nick made his way over. "Hey, I'll do this myself okay? Someone I haven't see in a while is here so I think we're going to chat a bit." Basically, she was politely asking the blonde to go away. While her friend didn't know anything at all about what was going on, she did offer Marley that little bit of respect and nodded. After a quick hug and a "see you back home", Marley was left to herself - and just in time for Nick to sidle up close to her with her hands in his pockets and that look on his face that she had never known how to react to. Some mixture of "I'm sorry" and "I won't do it again". She'd seen it too many times over the years and had been so sure that she would never have to see him again.

"Yeah, it has. That's what happens when you choose dope over your friends." Her words came out snappy, but the hurt she felt was bubbling back to the surface now that he was in front of her again. She'd cried a million times over him, and she had a right to be bothered by that. However, Marley realized pretty quickly that she wasn't going to get anywhere by being hostile. They were, after all, trapped within the same containment zone. She pursed her lips together and thought to herself for a moment, her posture growing defensive as she clasped her arms beneath her breasts. "I..." She started to speak and then let out a sigh. This boy had still been her best friend, had her back through thick and thin once - snuck her in his bedroom window because the foster fuck they'd assigned her wouldn't let her in because she was two minutes late for curfew. "Even though you've always been a little shit, I've missed you."
 
The snark was something that Nick had expected from Marley - a little bit of a temper from the girl made of fire. The soft way she said that she had missed him was not expected though, and that only made the sadness in his own expression grow markedly. How had she even missed him? What had he ever done to deserve the soft way she had cared for him time and time again?

"Look, I'm...." Clean? Barely - forcefully, plus she had heard him say that a dozen times before and every time it had ended up meaning nothing. Even when he'd really meant that he was done with the drugs, called it quits for the "last" time and dared to show his face around the beauty in front of him he had still ended up giving in. Marley knew better than his own mother did how littl being clean meant on its own, and he had nothing more to offer her so he settled. "I missed you too, a lot. I'm sorry about... what I made you go through."

His last relapse around her had been potentially the worse - he'd accidentally overdosed himself while at her place and she'd had to call the ambulance for him. No words were going to be able to properly apologize for that.
 
Marley really, really did not want to have to think about night, a November evening back when she was just about to turn nineteen and they were going to the same college. Like every time again he had sworn that he was clean, and like every time he either wasn't or stopped being quickly. She'd called 911, took the ambulance with him, even slept in a chair at the side of his hospital bed - until he was awake and she knew he would be okay, and at that point she had reamed him out and walked away.

"I fucking hate you," she'd cursed as she shook her head, somehow talking with a level voice even though she was angry. "Over and over again you keep lying to me and I keep trusting you. What happened to the Nicky that I knew? What happened to the Nicky that chose me? Where did he go!? I want him back, I don't want you. I don't want anything to do with you any more, Nick. Don't try to get in touch with me again."

"I don't think sorry is ever going to cut it, Nick," Marley admitted as her spot in the line was taken to grab the things. She took what was handed to her, and eyed the couple women who he had been standing with. She was seventeen the last time she had seen them, but she knew that was his mother and sister. They seemed to recognize her as well. "But... we're stuck here together. So I'm not going to fight with you."
 
"I wouldn't want to fight with you anyways,' Nick admitted, but at this point he wasn't sure if he should stick around or walk away. She'd said that she missed him, sure, but what did that even matter? She was still hurting and even though a few years had passed since that relapse, it wasn't like it was his last. Unfortunately, he was very much the same boy that she had walked away from that day in the hospital. Her words had stung back then and they still did now, he'd never cared for someone as much as he did Marley, but what could he do - try to force her in to wanting him around?

"Look, I should... go," he looked away from the redhead and back towards his own family, reaching their point in the queue now as well. Well, it seemed like he really did have to go. "I'll be around though.... If you wanna."
 
He just... left. Marley got that he probably thought it was the right thing to do, and he was probably right about that, but at the same time it stung nearly as bad as every other time had walked away from her. She had everything she needed so she turned away too, went back to her friend's house where the pair of them got drunk on the rest of her mother's wine and Marley (finally) told Clare the story about what she'd just experienced - from the way Nick had been the first boy she ever felt comfortable around and the way they used to be glued to each other's sides all the way to that last time he'd spiralled and everything in between. Clare became the first person she ever admitted to that she'd been in love with that boy since she was fourteen, and how that just made his abandonment sting even worse. Every single time she had gotten her hopes up, thought that maybe this time he would stay sober long enough for her to be able to finally love him... nope. That day never came.

For the next few days, Marley actively tried to avoid seeing Nick - which was difficult when in a relatively small space, unless she wanted to stay in Clare's place 24/7. With each day she found herself more and more drawn to the idea of going over to his place, sneaking in the window to his room like she used to. Without even realizing it she had found herself drawn back in to his cycle, and on the third night she made her way across the safezone late in the night, hopped the fence in to his back yard and gave his window three raps - just like she did when they were younger.
 
Nick had an eventful couple days - namely, he broke his "sobriety" again. He had been trying to behave and keep his behaviour but there was a reason that it was called addiction - as soon as he saw that morphine drip, all of the rational thought had left his body and he once again became a slave to the disease that had essentially ruined his life. The worst part? For the day between when he laid eyes on Marley again and up until that moment, he had sworn that he was going to start being a better person. If she had to deal with him, then he was at least going to do his best to make it bearable for her. They'd been friends for years and she had always deserved so much better, but he was only capable of so much.

The raps on his window in the middle of the night came as a surprise. One hit hadn't been enough to throw him in to another round of withdrawals, so luckily he wasn't going through that mess - she didn't deserve to have to see him like that again. The room was dark and he was stripped down to his boxers, something he probably should have paid attention to before he slid his window open. "Mar?" He asked, rather confused that she would show up at his place like she used to so many years ago. "What are you doing here?"
 
What was she doing here anyways? Nick's home was not her own. Nick was not her own. She was angry and upset and still a little petty about everything - but at the same time she was lured back in. He was here and that had to mean something, right? That he was in her life again, now at the end of the world? Apparantly clean again and this time it wouldn't be easy to relapse with no dealers left again. What if there was finally a shot for her to have her best friend back?

"I...." She started to speak and then realized that she didn't even know what she wanted to stay. Marley stepped in towards the window until her forearms could rest on her window sill. "... I really did miss you, Nick. I guess I just couldn't keep being here and acting like I hate you."

After a prolonged moment of silence in which she looked away from him, she asked in a tiny voice: "Can I come in?"
 
"Oh yeah - sure." Nick was hesitant as he backed away from the opened window sill, but he did it anyways. Letting Marley in was nothing new, he used to sneak her over all the time, but... well, it felt different this time. They had so much more experience now, and that little bit of hardship that still lingered even though they were grown. After she made her way in he closed the window behind him, leaving the two of them in a familiar situation - the only thing that was missing was the tv playing in the background, but he had been managing to charge his phone during power hours so that at least he had a little bit of background noise. He went to put his hands in to his pockets and that's when he realized how bare he was in front of her.

"Uh, sorry that I don't really have clothes on. I can't say I was expecting visitors." He then scratched at the back of his head, a typical nervous gesture. "And sorry that there's no tv this time, I know... that's something you're used to around here."
 
Marley clambered through Nick's window just like old times, always struggling to get her foot up over the edge because she was rather short and the ledge was just a touch too high. she had to remember to jump - but once she was up she was able to get over, and she tried to be quiet as she landed feet-first on Nick's floor. Even in the dark she was able to see him pretty well - enough to notice that he was half naked moments before he pointed it out himself. He'd earned himself a chuckle from her lips, and then she let herself fall down on to his bed. It may have been a few years since the last time she'd been there now but still it felt more like home than anything ever had to her. He had that strange affect on her.

"It's alright," she assured as she held her hand out to him, an attempt to get him to join her on the bed. She was tired of being angry but at the same time a little bit of her was unsure of what she was doing. "Even just being here is better than being alone."

She wasn't even alone at Clare's - but even when she was still a little pissed off she was happier at his side than she was anywhere else.
 
Nick was tentative and a little bit nervous when Marley extended her hand towards him in an obvious gesture to join her - though did he really need one in order to get back in his own bed? Either way he took it and held her fingers gingerly in his own as he hopped over her and took the wall side of his bed, stretching out from pillow to end of the bed with his arms up over her head. Had it really been four years since the last time she had been there? Even longer since the last time his mom had known she was around, but four years since the last time she was in his room. He missed the days when that was their norm, his norm.

"Really? Aren't you at your friends? I'm surprised you'd rather be with me of all people." They may have never done anything together, never fooled around or even kissed, but there was little in the world that had ever mattered more to him even when he had girlfriends that he could have been sneaking over instead. For a second it sounded like she might have been on the same page.
 
"You're not all that bad sometimes," she admitted as they laid beside each other. She snaked her head up towards the free pillow. The single sized mattress was small and crowded but it didn't matter - it had never mattered. "Besides, if we're going to be around each other I should stop holding grudges and... Honestly, it was kind of terrible to excommunicate you for almost dying." At that point she rolled on to her side so that she was facing him and her dark eyes watched him as well as they could in the darkness. She was almost smiling - almost. Somehow he always seemed to make her feel content, at peace even (when he wasn't getting high and almost dying at least).

For a few seconds there was silence, a pregnant pause as she tried to both read him and figure out her own words. After she figured out what she did want to say she could barely say it: "You're clean? Right now?"
 
You're not all that bad - sometimes. Well, at least she could admit that sometimes she thought he was bad. Marley at least had a sense of humor so even when acknowledging bad feelings she had always had a way of not taking things too seriously. Basically, she wasn't going to pick a fight over something she was trying to get over. It was strange to Nick, the notion that she would want to get over not having him around, after the way that she had shut him out. However, even through the bad he wasn't the only one who had all the memories that they had made together. Even just having a slight chance to have any of that back meant the world to him, even if he didn't deserve it.

When she asked if he was clean he nodded, and he was sober at the moment so it wasn't a complete lie. "Yeah, Mar, I am." He didn't want to have to admit to what he had done two days ago. He didn't want to ruin whatever she was seeing in him again.
 
Marley knew what question she was going to ask next - and it seemed like Nick already knew it as well given the worries he wasn't voicing. His soft tone was so soothing and she almost didn't want to have to ask it and have her own fantasy ruined. Everything just seemed so right in this moment and all she wanted was to be able to keep that together. Lying to herself, or worse him lying to her, wouldn't help that at all. In a tender touch she reached out and grazed her hand along his cheek, the kind of gesture that was back in their golden days when they were up to no good and never touching anything harder than a bowl.

"For how long?" She whispered, so soft that she hoped he wouldn't even hear her.
 
Like Marley, Nick was happier in the fantasy. She touched his cheek so softly that it hurt him to know that what he had to say would probably hurt her, and damn did he wish that she had never asked. As much as he wanted to be affectionate in return, to rest his arm on her waist or caress her cheek in turn, he held off. The last thing he needed was for her to think that he was trying to trick her or feign innocence or something. It was tempting to lie to her - to tell her that his last time getting high was that day in the church when he'd watched Gloria tear the face off of someone well over a week ago now, but that just wasn't true and he didn't have it in his heart to lie to someone who had been so there for him. It wasn't her fault that he had pushed her to her limit.

"Two days," he admitted in an equally soft whisper, making it clear that he had found a way to use since they had last spoken. Now, Nick was prepared for her to get angry or outright get up and leave - neither were things that he wanted, but both were things that he deserved. "About a week before that... but two days right now."
 
Nick's assumptions were correct - that did hurt to hear. Even in the end of days he was still finding ways to wind up off of his face and fuck all she wanted was to hear him say that he was sober for good this time. It was always too much to ask of him, though - it had always been too much to ask of him. His answer hurt her and it stung her right to the core because she started feeling like she was walking back in to the same mess she'd caught herself in time and time again and just like each time she didn't even really want a way out of it. She didn't move, didn't leave, but she did tear up.

Find something good in his honesty, she had to tell herself as she spent another moment watching him though this time she was fighting the urge to cry as well. "Well... thank you for not lying to me," she ended up saying. "That's more than you've offered me in the past."
 
Her last remark stung, but perhaps Nick deserved it. Addiction had turned him in to many things and among those were a liar and a thief - something Marley had gotten to see more of her fair share of. She was allowed to be upset with him - she was allowed to not talk to him at all if she so desired. In his eyes, the fact that she didn't move was a good thing. Even if they were still figuring everything out, they could at least be civil with each other while doing so.

"Yeah, well, I kind of want my best friend back, so I don't want to give her another reason to want to walk away," he admitted. In reality, he had wanted Marley back in his life since the day she left, but she had made it pretty clear that his presence wasn't welcome in her life back then. At this point he finally dared to each over and stroke her cheek in return.
 
In Marley's eyes, Nick seemed... genuine - which was strange. He hadn't felt genuine since they were still in high school, before he had started the hard drugs and before his father had died. His touch was softer than anything she had felt in a long time, and it came with such a strange level of peace that she didn't expect to feel so quickly after being reunited. She was still teary eyed as her touch skirted down his neck and towards the bare skin of his torso. She stopped with a flat palm against his chest, the touch still soft... tentative.

"I walked away because I had to, Nick. Watching you kill yourself and not being able to do anything about it was killing me." She wouldn't say it, not to him, but that night as she'd sat beside his hospital bed she had truly debated going home and downing a bottle of pills just so that she could be done watching the person she loved keep self destructing, unable to do anything about it.

"I loved you. So much - ever since we were like, always." Her grammar wasn't perfect but she didn't care that much, didn't care at all. She just subtly shook her head at the boy in front of her as her confession became real. "I still do," she said in just as weak of a whisper. "Scares me, has me kind of terrified that being around you means I'm gonna get my heart broken again by you, but I do. I still want the best for you, Nicky."
 
Nick was left a little overwhelmed by Marley's confession. Really - out of everyone in this world she had chosen to love him, even after time and time again of him fucking up? The worst past was how he wished that he had known this sooner. Years sooner, preferably. He had always been at least a little interested in her (okay, more than a little - she had been his favourite person for years and that was even with a steady string of girlfriends and fuck buddies) so to find out that she had that same inkling of desire just made him feel like he had fucked up even worse than he had originally a thought.

"Now why did you have to go and do that?" He asked as he took her by the back of the head in a still careful touch. His fingers wrapped in to her bright curls and he tilted his head, watching her through narrowed eyes. Even in the dark she looked absolutely perfect, and Nick found himself struck with a sudden urge. Quietly, as hushed as everything else they had said so far, he made a request of her. "... Can I kiss you, Mar?"
 
She had said that she loved him, and he hadn't said it back - okay then. Marley's heart stung again, but only for a moment until he took her head in one of the gentlest touches. Even with darkness shrouding him she could make out the way is features softened, the way his eyes never left her. Nick asked to kiss her, and for a moment Marley was more nervous than she had ever been.

"Mhm," she barely managed to vocalize before she took the plunge for them, clearing the space between their bodies to place a soft, tentative kiss on to his lips.
 
Marley agreed to kiss him - even initiated it. Nick felt like he was on cloud nine as her soft lips pressed to his, and immediately he knew that this was the right thing. He grabbed her by the small of the back and pulled her in closer to him as his lips met hers first in that soft kiss and then in something much more akin to his tastes. It was open mouthed by not messy, only a hint of his tongue against her lips unless she agreed to more. Whether she did or not it was amazing, and Nick found himself once again wondering how in hell he had managed to keep his hands off of her all of those nights they'd spent together in the past.

He ended up gasping as he held on to her shirt, "shit, we should have done this a long time ago." If she didn't put up any resistance, he then tried to pull her on top of him.
 
Strangely enough, the same burning question was going through the redhead's little head: how in hell had she kept her hands off of him? Well, the answer to that was obvious - the string of girlfriends and girls he was sleeping with that had made it, in Marley's eyes, very clear that he didn't find her attractive. Was that wrong? Or had his tastes changed? Just desperate to try to appeal to her as best as he could because he felt like he had to? There were so many options and Marley couldn't stop thinking about them, but at the same time god did it feel good with his hands on her body and his lips against her own.

He pulled her on top of him, and Marley's instinct was to grind her hips down on his own. She had never been blind to his lean, lithe atractiveness and it came as no surprise that just touching him would make her body want more. "We should have," she agreed before parting her lips and letting their tongues start to mingle.
 
His instinct as Marley's body rolled against his hips was to groan. With barely anything covering his body, it was really easy for Nick to find himself growing aroused - hot girl on top of him, making out with him and grinding on him? That that girl was Marley of all people? It was impossible not to get hot and bothered at least a little bit, especially after spending a few years of his life actively wishing that he could get the slightest hint that she wanted him. While he had been content being her friend, loved it even, what kind of teenage boy wouldn't want to get involved with his hot, friendly, funny best friend?

Within seconds, Nick was grinding his hips back against her own, growing hard beneath her body even though she was still covered. Getting a little bit rougher, he curled his hand in to his hair and pulled her in to their kiss, while the other found her hip and encouraged the way she rocked against him.
 
Marley wasn't ignorant to the way he was starting to stiffen beneath her - even though she still had all her clothes on, there was very little between them. He had his boxers (which left little hidden, frankly) and she had a part of thin cotton shorts meant for sleeping in over panties - very little in total. For a while she didn't let the fact that she knew he was aroused affect her, but with every kiss and every touch and every time their bodies rocked against each other, she found herself getting a little more bothered herself. After a few minutes she pulled away from their kiss by a few inches, her face flushed red and her breath starting to pant.

"You have an erection," she remarked in a teasing tone, purposely sliding herself along his length as if to prove a point.
 
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