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Explain your job/profession badly

I ask people if they want a credit card that will bankrupt them, and then give them groceries they need.
 
I help create things that people buy and then put souls into. I also draw these things so people can have fun with them in more ways than one.
 
People call me, or email me, and tell me the thing they called me or emailed me from isn't working properly.
 
I guess what people want, then people who aren't those people tell me they think I'm wrong.
 
I make crappy-looking ads look a little less crappy while also trying to fulfill every possible wish and request the customer has for them.
 
I read people's inbound emails then rely on my non-existent telepathic powers to figure out what they actually want, and then resort to using my White Man Magic talents to fix their technical issues.
 
People depend on me to send strangers to their homes that have an arrangement of specialized tools that can easily tear apart objects...
 
I sit on the phone and listen to people complain about their bills for 8 hours.
 
I write on a computer something that looks like English but isn't really, then stare at my screen wondering why it isn't working before sending what I wrote to a website, waiting for other people to read it, comment it, and then we send it to another computer on the cloud where it runs. But I spend most of my days on Youtube, BMR or playing video games
 
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